Book ideas

So let's talk a little bit about an Ask Moxie book.

I'm not into the idea of just taking the stuff I've already written and packaging it up. I don't think this site is about my sparkling prose or poignant turn of phrase, so I'm not sure that that's the kind of book that I would read. I'd rather read something more focused. I'd also rather read something that wasn't just me writing, but also had comments from you guys, too. (I think the reader comments and interaction is what makes Ask Moxie good in the first place.)

So I've been thinking about doing a book I've nicknamed in my mind "What Sucks When" that would combine info about the developmental spurts, growth spurts, movement milestones, teething, sleeping, and all the stuff that makes babies act strange in the first two years, along with how that makes parents feel. At the end of each section, or maybe sprinkled in, would be comments from you guys about those stages, how you made it through, tips, or just commiseration (because sometimes time is the only thing that helps). It wouldn't be a how-to book, but rather a "you're totally normal and your baby's normal and this too will pass and you're doing a good job so please don't stick that pencil through your eye" book.

Do you guys think that would be useful? Would it sell?

My other issue is whether or not to self-publish. Even five years ago self-publishing would have been a sign that no publisher wanted me, which meant my book wasn't worth it. But I have so many reservations about writing for a traditional publisher. For one thing, I'm not sure that they'll really get what I'm trying to do. I'm not trying to become famous or a name. I'm not trying to promote my method* or really promote anything except having parents know what's going on so they have the mental and emotional space needed to make decisions that they feel good about for their families. (I haven't figured out the elevator pitch on that one yet.) I'm not a sound bite, and I don't think Elisabeth Hasselback would know what questions to ask me on The View.

Anyway, I'm not sure traditional publishing would get me. And you have to do all your own publicity and promotion these days anyway, so I'm not sure I know what the benefit would be to be with a publisher. I saw a couple of parenting books on the bookstore shelf last week that looked really interesting, but I'd never heard a thing about them, and that makes me worry that if I went with a publisher my book could sink like a rock and never be heard of again if it didn't make a splash in the first few months.

Also, if I self-publish my book will never go out of print, which the whole Wonder Weeks arbitrage scandal made me aware of as a potential negative event. And I could revise whenever I wanted to. And the people I know who've self-published recently have been super-happy with it.

Thoughts?

* My "method," let's recall, is "By Any Means Necessary." I'm just not sure a publishing house is going to know what to do with something that's a play on a phrase coined to foment political unrest for radical justice, you know?

Comments

[liz]

I think it sounds like a book i'd buy every expecting friend.

[Sarah]

I am sure you would be successful in translating the "feel" of the site into book format...I do think, as a couple people mentioned, you need a very specific focus. Do you want to talk generally about sleep, nursing, discipline, etc or look at particular examples/situations? Do you want to write an overview for each section and then have mothers (and fathers) write small essays under each heading? Or do you just want to quote them? Do you want to expand fully on your parenting philosophy as a sort of manifesto? Etc etc etc.

I have been on the panel of a published book and the legal aspect seems straightforward---that is one instance where a publishing house can be useful. I think if you look for the RIGHT publisher you will be in good shape...what about Soft Skull Press who published "Mamaphonic" or Seal Press who published "its a boy" and its a girl"? These might be a good fit content wise.

I encourage you to pursue this if you feel passionate about it. I would be happy to help get some early reviews published for you (I am a freelance reviewer) but that is putting the cart before the horse...
Good luck

[paola]

Ok Ok, my mistake. Realise that they are two different diseases. Just need to read more carefully. Sorry and Thanks

[Amy]

Have not read through the comments, so apologize if this has been said re: "would anyone read this?"

I read _Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy_ lo those many years ago when I was pg with #1. I don't recall it saying anything earth-shattering about pregnancy--I just remember laughing about all the stuff no one ever says.

So, yeah, I think a book that says "You are not crazy, nor is your baby the devil; it will all get better; when he's in college you can call to wake him at 3am to ask him to bring you a bottle of milk; you will have sex again; he won't die if all he eats are yellow and orange veggies" would sell. (And can you tell what phase we are in by my choice of issues??)

My one question (and again, maybe someone has already brought this up?)--are their huge copyright issues with using these comments? I mean, will it be prohibitive for you to have to contact each person to ask for permission (as opposed to a publisher having people on staff to do it for you)?

[Kellie]

I'd buy it for myself, and I'd give copies to the half dozen newish moms I know, the day of publication.

While I like anecdotes, I have trouble extracting the Thing To Try from the overall picture -- especially if I'm stressed out, tired, worried, trying to figure out What Just Happened. For me, that's what makes Moxie so brilliant -- the anecdotes go somewhere, lead to a question or an idea, they're not just plopped in there without connection. A sequence of Try This, Then This, Rest, Try This Again would be so useful. Too often I try little bits of various things, and it's hard to know which bit actually worked.

[attiton]

Whoa...back up...you know the "Not for Tourists" people?? That's waaaaaaaay cool ...

As for the publishing/self-publishing issue, if you aren't going to make any money either way (as one of the very knowledgeable previous posters suggested), then it seems to me that the question is, "How is Moxie going to be able to get HER EXACT message across to the precise group of people she wishes to reach?"

Finding out what Moxie's message will be the fun part.

However, deciding what the audience for this book will be should probably come first. That decision alone will help guide this process so much more smoothly.

For whom are you writing, Moxie? The whole entire world? Or is your audience actually more precisely defined?

[Sarah]

Another thought on the use of the voices of this blogs readers...you may want to flesh that idea out up front: do you want to have people submit ideas, thoughts, stories for each subject area or do you want to invite a select few to contribute? How do you want to control, in other words, the input from others you are getting? There will be much editing to do either way but if you start with a pool of say 25 or 50 or 100 panelists or contributors or whatever, it will be easier in the long run.

Either, way, again, this is exciting and I think the type of message that is most helpful and comforting to parents....

[mamaloo]

I would absolutely buy exactly that sort of book, especially if you sprinkled phrases like "please don't shove that pencil in your eye" throughout it.

I think self publishing is absolutely the way to go. The great thing about that is that if you did hit the book lottery, you could always liaise with a trad publisher for reprint rights.

The only thing a trad publisher can offer you is distro. And, frankly, with so many great books being self published these days, you may be able to work out a deal with a distro company.

My husband, a music critic specialising in heavy metal, was recently told by an interview subject (and colleague and self publishing success) that he should start writing for himself and self publishing. He supplements his income by 15-30 000 a year by self publishing books about heavy metal.

I'll be happy to review the book on my seven billion websites (joke, but it is starting to feel that way) when you finally publish.

Fantastic idea! Go for it!

[peanut]

I would buy your book for myself and friends - the advice and thoughts on this blog have been a life saver for me and my sanity! And your sense of humour is great and so so welcome....... but yes I would be sad if it messed up this lovely site/community? Having said that though if you can get the questions and comments of everyone published it would make a GREAT read for a new parent- very diverse and relaxed rather than people like the scary Gina Ford!Contented baby my .......! So personally I hope it happens. I like Hedra's idea of doing a print on demand with Amazon if you wanted to self-publish and keep it independent? Or go to a publisher if you liked the deal you work out and get a good editor who lets things go as you think they should.
Just my 2 pennies worth.......
anyway put me down for 5 copies please!

[Eva]

It would probably be a lot easier and you would probably make more money with a publishing house, and I am not at all convinced that you would have to "sell out" or whatever. There are lots of publishers out there. I would recommend finding one whose books seem simpatico to you and then trying to talk to them. At least at first. And you never know--they might even be able to improve your idea (if that's possible)! Those editors are professionals not for nothing!

[Sky]

I agree with the previous poster who said that your heart does not seem to be in the book at the moment. Do mull it over and write the book if you really want to, not just because you feel you should.

I have some experience with the publishing world and I definitely would do some research on both mainstream publishers and self-pub. For mainstream, look into publishers. Who publishes parenting books that you like? They would be a good fit for you. An agent would also be a good idea as they know the market. If a reputable agent will take you on, then you are pretty certain to get a publishing contract. A good editor will hone your writing and bring out the best in you, not cramp your style.

I would personally be against self publishing, but talk to people who are doing it successfully, the reality in the US may be different from my knowledge of it.

Self publishing means doing it all, from typesetting, to arranging the printing, to marketing, to distribution. Try phoning a couple of printers and getting quotes for a 200 page soft cover book with black and white internals and a colour cover. You will have to pay the printing costs and usually the smallest amount you can print will be 2000 copies (may be 5000 or 10,000 copies, depending on the printer). Anything less than this amount is not cost effective for the printer. You will also have to pay someone to typeset and design the layout (unless you have those skills), which is another cost out of your pocket before a dime in revenue comes in.

Do you have room in your apartment for 2,000 copies of your book? Are you prepared to package and take each book sold to the post office and mail them out?

Try ringing up a few local bookshops and asking if they take self published books. In this country, no bookshop I know will carry self published books. Which is fine if you just want to sell through the internet, but if you want to be in the bookshops, then you need a publisher and their marketing team.

Yes, there are an awful lot of self published books on Amazon, but how many of them actually sell even one copy? How does anyone know that the book is there?

I'm not trying to put a dampner on the book proposal, but do do a bit of research before you commit hours of your time to writing a book. If your heart is in your blog then stick with that. I look forward to hearing your further thoughts on the book!

[liz]

I'd say to try a traditional publisher first, you can put in the contract that the rights revert to you if the book goes OOP.

I love the idea of a book that has the crazy-making issues: nursing/eating strikes, sleep regressions, different ways teething/ear aches manifest themselves, etc.

[liz]

I think you should go to a traditional publisher first and put in the contract that the rights revert to you if it goes OOP.

I love the idea of the book. Especially if you include all the crazy-making stuff like nursing/eating strikes, sleep regressions and the like.

I also love the idea of you putting in the letters and some of the comments!!!

[m]

I agree with the previous commentor (Neil?) that you should ask yourself what you want out of this experience and go from there.

You know that many, many of your loyal readers will by at least one copy, but do you want to reach a wider audience? If so, I'd strongly suggest looking into publishing houses/agents. I know that if I was given a self-published book on parenting by someone I hadn't heard of, I probably wouldn't give it much credence.

I also agree, that if you aren't totally excited about the idea of writing a book right now, hold off. It's a slog, even when you are excited and completely behind it. If you're not 100% behind it, you'll resent the project and it won't be as good as it could be.

Yes, we all want you to have a book, but *you* have to want it.

Also, I'm not crazy about books that are mostly other folks' anecdotes. I feel like I can get that in the internet and in real life. If I'm buying a book, especially an 'advice' book, I want some substance.

[nonsoccermom]

Absolutely I would buy a book like that. So much more "real" than a lot of parenting books out there...books I won't even read because they make me feel I am doing everything wrong...

[wavybrains]

I'd buy the book and give it as gifts to friends who aren't as blog obsessed as me. I vote self-publishing or an e-publisher. You've got a built in base, you'll see more of the $$, and you'll control the content. A traditional publisher may balk at the reader comment aspect and/or want to control that in ways you might not like. Also, if you self-publish or e-publish, you KNOW it will publish and sell, and you save yourself the whole finding an agent, then trying to sell thing. If you sell very well self-published, that may help you land an agent for future projects, so it doesn't foreclose traditional publishing either.

My two cents.

[cagey]

My good IRL friend Rita Arens is getting her book, Sleep is for the Weak, published through a smaller publisher. So far, her experience has been positive and I would not discount a smaller publisher based on her experience. (Shilling notice: I am also a contributor to the book :-)

I do think the book you are suggesting would be useful precisely for the reason that all of the comments you get are useful. I like to get ideas of what everyone else is doing, then hone those for use with my kids.

[zenjen]

I would buy your book by the case load and give it away to new moms I meet on the street. Seriously, I think I would.

My husband had a good experience with publishing with a big house but some of that is because he got a good fit with his agent. Seems to me that the right agent will find the right house to pitch it to. His agent had gotten offers from other houses but they wanted him to change more of the content. I think the right agent, one that is a good fit (sorta like a therapist, I suppose) can make a good match between authors and publishers. Just my $0.02 from our experience.

I tell you, if I had your book now, I would turn to the section on 18 month olds every night just to keep myself from sticking a pencil in my eye, or eating all of that coconut cake...or hitching a ride to a place far, far away from the tantrums, non-verbal whining, sleep regression, etc etc.

[Amber]

I *love* Ask Moxie but I do wonder whether it would 'translate' to a book. I read this blog every day but I don't think I would buy a book. After all, books are kinda boring compared to blogs! Seriously!

Whether you self-publish or not, writing a book is bloody hard work and I can't help but think there are better ways you could be spending your time... perhaps a syndicated advice column in parenting mags? Facilitating group discussions about parenting on Internet TV? Set up an Ask Moxie parenting wiki! Now that would be fun!

[Gretchen]

I want a copy for me, and a copy for every baby shower I have coming up. I love the title (or subtitle) "you're totally normal and your baby's normal and this too will pass and you're doing a good job so please don't stick that pencil through your eye"

I'm mostly a wallflower in this community, but I've really come to appreciate it. I'm trying to get pregnant really hard now, but I still feel welcome.

[Colleen]

Agent. Why not get someone working on securing you an offer--you have the collateral of the site and a sense of who your audience is. Once you have an offer, if you hate it, then refuse it. I would never discount the value of talking to insiders in person--rather than services and information on the web; I recommend getting yourself out there with some calls and meetings.

[Louisa]

I would absolutely buy your book, and I would buy it for every new mom I know, too.

Every book I read before my daughter was born made me feel horrible and insecure. Almost every book made me cry.

Each tried to convince me that failure to do "it" (whatever "it" was-- sleep training, breast feeding, whatever) THEIR WAY would result in a seriously messed up child who was probably heading straight for a life of crime.

Moxie, I love your supportive comments, wit, and insight. Together with reader comments, it seems like you help parents put together a tool box of options without making anyone feel stupid or incompetent. Having all that advice in one book would be ab fab.

I have no insight on how to publish, and I know little about publishing outside the academic realm. I will say, however, that a good editor can be invaluable to any author. If you chose to self-publish, it might be worth hiring an editor along the way.

[Lisa]

I think it's an awesome idea for a book, and it's really needed out there.

Just yesterday at a play group / mothers group meeting, there was a young first time Mum really struggling with things. Her gorgeous 3 month old daughter has had feeding problems and she has been pumping for weeks, so the stress of that was really taking it's toll on her. But what struck me was all the books she was reading, all the nurses/midwives/lactaction consultants etc that she was talking to. This poor girl was just a mess, and torturing herself with information on why HER baby wasn't doing all the RIGHT things. I picked up the baby and was giving her a cuddle, and she started sucking on her fist and fussing a bit, so I just said casually, oh looks like she needs her mama and a boobie.... and the first thing this poor mum did was look at her watch, and then look up her ever-present diary to see when baby was due for a feed !! I was amazed ! I just said "oh I just popped a boob in Darcy's mouth whenever she seemed fussy" and left it at that, and then (obviously she thought me 'experienced' and so worthy of doing the same as) this dear little mum put her baby on the boob - and voila, relaxed baby and relaxed mama. If I could have explained the whole relax and enjoy it philosophy to her, I'm sure her life would be much better, she's just torturing herself trying to be perfect.
SO YES I would buy Moxie's book, I tried to direct this girl to the website but she isn't too internet savvy.......

[Dawn]

I would buy the book for every baby shower. It would turn me into my mom (who gives a copy of a Sheila Kitzinger book about childbirth that my sister in law refers to as "the scary picture book" and a Dave Barry book about babies to anyone she knows who announces a first pregnancy), but that's okay.

Sorry, I don't know squat about publishing, but I'll happily give you the right to publish anything I say in a comment that might be useful to someone else. Of course, I've been considering the pencil in my eye all day, so my comments might not be useful after all!

[Barb @ getupandplay]

I would totally buy the Moxie book! I say go for self-publishing- you are so tapped into a community already!

[Kathy]

Absolutely write it. And I think "all the stuff that makes babies act strange in the first two years, along with how that makes parents feel" is a perfectly fine elevator speech. And there's a lot of books coming out with the sorta snarky urban hip imperfect mom vibe, so I think publishers realize that women are craving a little bit more of a realistic look at parenting. But no one has yet filled that niche for as informative as Sears/What to Expect but fun and without the unrealistic idealism and guilt.

I used to work in publishing, and I have friends publishing via the traditional route, so I have my biases, but I think you need to stay away from self-publishing.

When I worked at a magazine that did book reviews, self-published books went straight into a big stack. The only reason we ever did more than glance at them is if one of them seemed like it would be a good laugh. And believe me, we got a lot of mileage out of the very long memoir of a dog who talked to--or was--Jesus (it was a little unclear), as transcribed (NOT WRITTEN!) by his owner.

Whether it's to the detriment of literature and civilization or not, self-published still screams "whack-job," "semi-literate," or "impossible to work with" to most of the people in the industries you'd have to work with to get your book read by anyone besides us.

HOWEVER, the FIRST step in getting a book published isn't finding a publishing house, it's finding an AGENT who gets you! He/She (probably she) will help get you paired with the right publisher for you, and get them to understand what you're going for. There's a lot of hassle they can save you, since this is your first book. Think of an agent as your book birthing doula.

[tripleblessings]

Interesting idea, worth thinking about in more detail. I really don't like the title "what sucks when", it's very negative. I would prefer something like "Parenting: by any means necessary" or another phrase that sounds more positive and encouraging, and tells more about what kind of book it is.
You've got some good advice here from Hedra and others. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[mogget]

Tell me where it's selling, and I'll buy! I think it would be great to have a baby book that doesn't have ominous overtones such as "if your baby isn't sleeping through by 2 months, you're doomed" and all that jazz. I hope you do write, and I hope it is similar to the book you described, with a section at the end of the chapters for commiseration...Publish it soon before I don't have any more babies in the house (and therefore a good excuse to buy it!!)

And when your kids are teens, I hope you'll publish a book to help deal with those years as well.

[wendy]

Oh pppleeeaassee wtire a book!!!!

Seriously, the idea that 'it' is all normal and 'it' will all be ok is what all of us need to hear.

I am not at all capable of giving any publishing advice but if your heart tells you to write a book then get to it. The world needs some type of owner's manual for kids...help us!!

[Melanie]

I've heard things recently about self-pub on Amazon too - something about how they can even issue an ISBN and sell it for you. Might be a good place to start and then when all of your Ask Moxie readers order it for themselves and everyone they know, word of mouth will take over.

All I can say is things you have said to me have stayed with me over the last three years of negotiating motherhood in ways nothing else I have read has. I send every parent I know here. Women are so busy tearing each other down that there are very few voices of affirmation out there = we need you!

Mel

[Melanie]

I've heard things recently about self-pub on Amazon too - something about how they can even issue an ISBN and sell it for you. Might be a good place to start and then when all of your Ask Moxie readers order it for themselves and everyone they know, word of mouth will take over.

All I can say is things you have said to me have stayed with me over the last three years of negotiating motherhood in ways nothing else I have read has. I send every parent I know here. Women are so busy tearing each other down that there are very few voices of affirmation out there = we need you!

Mel

[bec 38]

If you don't want to use "By Any Means Necessary," what about "Whatever Works"? Doesn't call forth images of political unrest, and, bonus, it's alliterative!

[Shandra]

I thought about this overnight. I work in publishing -- not books, but I work with book publishers. Because my publication reviews them and gets the word out on them to our audience. I work with the former editor of a national parenting magazine too. Just establishing some credentials here.

I think that self-publishing is coming a long way and certainly some of what you've said is true - authors need to be involved in promoting their books, and Amazon will list self-published books, and self-publishing doesn't carry quite as much stigma as it used to.

However, some of what you've said is kind of not true. Publishers have huge distribution networks that self-publishers do not - the parenting book that you saw ON THE SHELF is a good example, because self-published books generally do not end up on the shelf at all. It doesn't have to be on The View if it's on the parenting shelf. Non-fiction doesn't work that way.

Also, I work with publicists all the time and let me tell you that the good ones are fantastic, and they tend to work for the publishers. I open their mail first. And I take their calls. I rarely take calls from self-published authors because of bad, bad experiences with them.

Now I'm not as much on the editorial end of book publishing but I have talked to many authors (in my country) and I have never heard "oh the big bad publisher took the life and perspective out of my book." Books have been turned down and projects killed and books buried and all kinds of things, but the editorial process is generally pretty respectful. I don't think you have to worry about your voice being kiled. I know Heather Armstrong had a bad experience and it is something to consider but... that's not the general experience.

And your concern about it going out of print is easily addressed with a clause in your contract where rather than granting the publisher perpetual rights you make sure the rights revert back to you in a variety of situations. They will probably want a right of first refusal, which means if it's going to be printed again they get to be the ones to do it. But a good agent should easily be able to negotiate this for you, and a good lawyer should be able to write it.

Which kind of leads me to my core point. I think if you want to reach an internet-based, search-based audience you have all the tools you need in place. You can promote your blog more widely to reach those women, you could make a "Ask Moxie's Parenting Hits" list on Amazon.com to lead people searching there here, you could create downloadable PDFs, and you could put a bit of money into Google Ads or whatever to get people here.

But if you want to extend your audience off the Internet, no one is better positioned to do that than a quote-unquote real publisher, because that's what they do. If you want to reach the women who don't sit on the 'net searching for answers, I think that's your best bet.

When I read your post my emotional impression was that your negative self-talk may more be about fear. It is really hard to put a book out there and go through the rejection cycle. That's fine, and this is a very transition-y time in your life, and it may not be the right time to throw your ego against the wall that is publishing. There's no reason you have to.

I just wouldn't get into a mindset where you're evaluating publishers against things that aren't completely true or a view that if a book is not Huge Promotional Machine The View Interview Promoted that it is not reaching audience share. Even in fiction, which is the most susceptible to that kind of thing, it's not entirely true.

I hope I haven't been too squashy. I would love to buy the book either way you do it, if you do it. :)

[Shandra]

Sorry, just self-correcting - if it's going to be printed again they get to be the ones to do it IF THEY WANT within a certain period of time.

Also since I'm posting again anyway, you could charge a few dollars for the PDFs using PayPal or something similar, in terms of a business model.

[epeepunk]

I was pondering this question this morning, and thought that a book in the style of Po Bronson might address some of the issues raised here. Po Bronson (http://www.pobronson.com/) has written two books - one about careers, and one about families - where he interviewed many many people and recounted the stories of those who were representative of common issues. Fascinating reading, and useful in a "oh, other people have had that problem too, and that's how they dealt with it.' Which is one of the things that this site and the comments convey.

And when I went to his site today, I see that he is currently writing a book that travels through the current scientific findings on parenting. Which seems to also fit in with what goes on here. He has a survey, which also provides space for comments, stories, and the possibility of being interviewed.

So, it may be that my brilliant idea has already been taken, or not, can't say for sure. But that approach - stories with information - may suit the audience you're seeking.

[Jen H.]

Shandra has great points. I think also, a publishing house gives credibility. Self-publish isn't what it used to be, but there are still way too many wack-jobs with their own book out there. Frankly, I wouldn't buy a self-published book on parenting. I need credibility. Aside from that, I think it's a grand idea. There is no parenting book out there that I know of that preaches plain common sense and gives parents permission to choose their own path. That's why I love this site. Good luck!

[lp]

Moxie,

I haven't read all the comments, so I am not sure if this has already been said.

From your tone, it kind of sounds like you'd prefer to self publish. I think you are right in that there isn't the same kind of stigma that there used to be. It would not be a vanity publication.

But first you need to start writing, figure out what you want to say and how. If you get a ways into it, and feel like you have enough for a proposal, I'd think it might be worth your time to look into publishers. There might be a few, maybe smaller houses, that would be less interested in slickerishing you up and more interested in getting your unique voice and perspective out there.

That said, you might not want to bother. The way self publishing works these days, I think it would be completely possible to do your book, your way, and who knows, a "real" publisher might be interested in picking it up if it proves to be a good seller. Because at the end of the day, that's what they're about.

[Mommie Mentor]

Trust yourself on this one and trust your own personal timing.
When it's right everything you'll need to make decisions, major publisher or self-publishing, will be easier to figure out because the timing will be perfect for YOU.
My, "from a generation ago" opinion, is to wait a little bit to see who you become after having a major life change. When you settle into the new Moxie, the truth of what you want to do will be very evident. If you push it now it will be reflected in your writing and in your dedication to the project. It would be a great project but only if it's your dream and you can manage it with all that you have on your plate!
Just a thought!

[Cas]

However you need to get it out there, get it out there. It NEEDS to be out there.
I do agree with the comment that I do tend to look for a solution along with the commiseration. Not just, "This sucks but all kids do it," but, "Oh this sucks, my kid did it too. I tried this...."
And when there are no solutions but reasons, those are helpful too. When the 9 month sleep regression hit at my house, I wrote in and was comforted to hear, "This normal and it's happening because your baby is doing x/y/z and it will go away on it's own once your baby has finished x/y/zing." It made it seem more tolerable. Proof my daughter wasn't waking every hour just to torture me but that really her brain was working on something.

The most useful pieces of advice I ever got as a parent were from this site.

My nephew has hit a rough patch developmentally (7 months) and my SIL's ready to stick a pencil in her eye (TM Moxie). I just reminded her of a piece of advice I gave to her 6 months ago, advice I got from Moxie...it will stop. Just when you think you can't take it anymore, it will stop. All by itself. And then something new will start :)

I wish so much that someone would have given me that advice when my baby was so new. Would have saved me a lot of tears (stupid baby whisperer...) I don't comment often but I read religiously. This site and it's commenters have made me a better mom, from sleep issues to food issues and everything else.

Until that book comes out, I rec this site to every single woman I meet who stares glumly at her infant and says, "So did your little girl ever...?"

I **heart** Moxie.

[Mudhutkenya]

I always say that a little coffee break with Moxie always makes me feel better (in contrast to a parenting book that I have that makes me cry every time I open it). So a book along these lines would be a relief. I am so inspired by your motivation! You go, girl!

[Beth]

It would be daunting to obtain everyone’s permission for every comment. However, once a comment is posted we (posters) know it is visible to anyone with web access. It is in the public domain.

Perhaps you add a creative commons license to the blog… and put a paragraph on the side that you are contemplating publishing, that any comments prior to 5/14/08 (or whatever date) that one wants removed please let you (blog owner know) so they are “not” included in any possible publication. Not that you would use every comment, but covers you legally.

And notate, that from said date on, comments published on site may be used by site owner (possibly if you ever find time to publish and pursue it).

Legally, I don’t think any of us are petty enough to go after you personally for financial gain if you were to publish our comments. We know that whatever you did, would be for the greater good of all parents. And that to sue over a “comment” is just crazy.

Legally, Mumbo jumbo…. Copyright fair use law… more mumbo, but essentially, when a person comments on a blog, for the purpose of public display, they are giving an implied license at least for that display and the incidental copying that goes along with it. If you want to make things clearer, you can add a Creative Commons license to your blog's comment post page and a statement that by posting comments, writers agree to license them under. (taken from electronic frontier foundation).

But seriously, blurb is easy and FUN! And your book… would, for lack of a better word: ROCK!

And I LOVE reading the comments. Makes my day seem normal, not so bad. And it’s good to see another perspective. Like the whole “is the baby sleeping thing” where you said: LIE, tell them the baby is sleeping. I LOVE THAT!!!!!!!!

Anyway… download blurb. IT’S FREE. And really? Anyone out there going to sue Moxie if she uses your comment in a book???? Heck some would be proud, and others, if the comment embarrassing, won’t admit it. THAT easy! And you’d get layout right. You are creative. Sleep, teething, the terrors, you’d get it in some format. I have no doubt.

http://press-publisher-profiles.suite101.com/article.cfm/blog_to_book_with_blurb

Did I mention, I love blurb 

[j]

I'm commenting without reading the other comments, which is a major pet peeve of mine, but when I was in the shower I had a revelation and I want to write it down before I forget: I'd love a "Moxie Time Line". When I've been concerned with my son's development, knowing where he is relative to what he had been doing, and what might come next, helps me not feel like he's behind. I know this might not make sense, but I promise it did when I had hot water cascading over my head. I just really feel like Moxie, and the commenters here, don't rush development like some places seem to, and I like the lack of hurry.

[mezzaluna]

have you read the books "adventures in gentle discipline" and "adventures in tandem nursing" both put out by La Leche League International? both by Hilary Flower. the format involves a lot of comments from parents, largely solicited on the internet, i gather. might want to have a look at those! also, i wonder if LLLI would be interested in publishing a book of yours... hmmm.

[kate]

I would totally buy this book, and give it to all my friends!

My request is can you include a section about managing with two kids? When you have a toddler and a baby, how do you deal with the logistics of that? eg setting up a routine for the baby when the toddler is always demanding your attention just then, or routines are different on different days because the toddlers at preschool, or getting them both in the bath at night! You know, the practical stuff. And whether it's possible to stop the 2 year old from giving every cough/cold to their younger sibling?

[Victoria]

Hi Moxie,

I haven't had time to read all the comments so forgive me if I'm repeating stuff that other people have said. I'm a British editor (freelance since Dan was born 15 months ago) and I've been reading your site since I was pregnant and worrying about PPD before it had even happened! I've found it so insightful and helpful and sympathetic. One of the unique things about it for me was that you speak to the woman who is the mother, rather than the 'mother' - it's rare to find a source that also tackles how something might make you feel, rather than just the specific child-problem - that sounds like I feel 'hey, never mind his fever/teething/sleep issues, what about ME?' but what I mean is that your discussions of what childrearing can bring up emotionally has really assuaged the confusion that at times accompanies the pure joy of bringing Dan up.

My tuppence worth is about publishers. I only have experience of working for a publishing house, rather than self publishing, but I wouldn't rule them out. I think it is easy to typecast publishers as conglomerates and marketing departments, all profit and no soul, but they are also staffed by humans, often ones who love books and people and want to see a good book get to the widest possible audience. What they will provide is, if you choose the one you feel most comfortable with (and that, as well as a good agent, is essential), is an editorial sounding board and outside view that can help you shape and frame the book you want to write (well that's what I try to do) and once you've done that, the infrastructure - design, publicity, distribution - to get your book out there. There's nothing more disheartening than writing a book that nobody gets to read because they can't find it (though admittedly you have your brilliant site).

I think you are right to feel that a rehash of the site wouldn't work - part of the community vibe of ask moxie is finding out what you are thinking about this week, and your readers' responses - but a book could be easy to navigate in addressing particular issues, and that, combined with your empathy and intuition, could be a real boon. I also believe that there are ways to incorporate a range of voices. I don't know if you have read a truly wonderful book published here called 'What Mother's Do Especially When It Looks Like Nothing' by a fabulous woman called Naomi Stadlen, culled from years of running a mothers' group. I read it whilst breastfeeding when Dan was really tiny and would give it to anyone with a new baby. It too gives you a feeling of 'oh, I'm not on my own here,' and the way she incorporates different women's reactions to motherhood is clever and interesting.

So... only two hours till Dan is back from childcare (your site is a truly superlative way of dodging work)... better get on with some. Good luck!