Q&A: toddler afraid of baths

Here's a classic from Donna that never loses its frustration factor:

My son used to love taking baths, and he loves being in the water in the summertime. But a few months ago, he started not enjoying the bath experience and wouldn't sit in the bath anymore. For months, I've had to wash him while he's standing in the tub. Sometimes he lets me get in with him and he'll sit on my lap, but that's not always possible and seems to be more and more inappropriate as he gets older (he's 2 years+ 4 months old). He seemed okay with the standing-up baths for a while and even played with all of his bath toys, but now he doesn't even like to get in the water at all, even with toys. I've changed the temperature of the water, thinking it was too hot for his little bottom, but that didn't help. For a while, he was okay if I let him put the soap on his hands and let him put it on himself , but now that's not even working. My husband has tried, too, but no luck. I now just give him a quick wash every few days, and shampoo his hair maybe twice a week, but he's crying the whole time. We've reduced the number of baths he gets a week so it won't stress us all out so much,  but nothing seems to help. I've exhausted all of my ideas. Any suggestions would be helpful."

Classic wisdom is that at a certain age kids get afraid of being sucked down the drain. I think sometimes thats it, but not always. We went through this same stage in which a 2 1/2-year-old wouldn't sit down in the tub. I just didn't think much about it, since Ï was too busy trying to get him to let me wash his hair, and trying to keep the two boys from splashing all the water out of the tub.

But now that I think of it, yeah, this stage was a big pain in the butt. And it was the first time around with my older son, too. I don't think I ever came up with any solution for it. I tried a bunch of different things, from cajoling, to playing games, to just muscling through the bath and hair-washing while he screamed. I think what fixed it, though, was that he grew out of it. And his younger brother is now sitting back down, and can be talked into letting me wash his hair, too (he'll be 3 in May).

So is this a universal, that they go through a phase of not liking baths, even if they'll play endlessly with other water? If your kid went through an anti-bath phase, when was it and when did s/he grow out of it? How did you cope during it?

Comments

[paola]

Can't be of much help here as Noah went from bath to shower as he out-grew his baby bath ( the one moulded to shape their bodies). I think he started in the shower around a year and has had a shower with me or hubby ever since (he is now 3). He loves it as he has a few plastic containers that he fills with water and plays around while I wash him. My 15 month old also loves the shower and doesn't even blink when I wash her hair.

[Lara]

Jeffrey will be 3 in May and we've had several bath quirks over the last year. He's usually pretty eager to get into the bath with bubbles & toys but the hair gets washed only with much protesting. I'll be looking for tips from other commenters. We also had the "won't sit down" thing for months -from 2 to 2 1/2? I just ignored it and sometime in there he realized he could have more fun sitting. From the time we moved into the big bathtub we often said "byebye" to the water as it was draining. He asked what the noise was and I told him it was the water saying bye- thanks for playing-. We've not had fears about the drain (yet!).

[SJ]

that's so funny - because N, almost 3, has NEVER sat in the bath once he could stand. I didn't even fully realize how strange that was until my mom commented on it.

We go through periods of hating and loving the baths. New bath toys seem to help occasionally, and he sometimes will ask to take a shower with me instead (or sometimes I will offer that when I can tell the bath will be a losing proposition). Part of me wonders when I should stop being naked in front of him, but I think at this point it is fine.

We've generally been muscling through the bad baths, just getting him wet and that's it if he freaks out. Sorry I can't be more help with the original question.

[Thia]

I will be watching this thread with much interest. It was an overnight thing...suddenly, my three year old decided that "baths make her angry." She would scream hysterically through them no matter what I tried. So it then became...how can I do this is the fastest possible manner? I hope she's getting over it, the last one went much better, but it's been a long loud winter!

[paola]

@SJ

It feels so natural for me to be naked in front of my 3 year old and I will continue doing so until it doesn't. He comes into the toilet when I'm doing my business and chats and watches me when I have a bidet ( I'm in Italy and everyone uses them) and even gets close to look, but again it feels so natural for him to be watching so intently as he needs to learn himself how to wash himself there.

I do draw the line with tampons and pads and send him out if I need some privacy as he does with me. I remember being shocked when a friend of ours was having a bath with her 10 year old- that seems way to old to me, but then again, we'll see when we get there.

[Tracy]

My son went through sudden abject terror of the tub for about a month last fall (he'll be 3 in May). The more I let it stress me out, the more he resisted. No matter how many things I got to make the tub interesting (color tabs, toys), he refused. So I just honored it for a while.

I sponge bathed him and campaigned for the bathtub daily, but I didn't force him. When I finally got him excited about getting in (I pretended it was happening in space, which he loves), I let him keep his diaper and shirt on (another oddity he insisted on) until he got them wet and asked me to remove them. That went on for a few days, then he went back to loving the tub, generally asking for more than one bath a day.

[sue]

yes, yes, yes - it was 18 months to 2.5 for us. She outgrew it, though - we didn't do anything effective to help the situation.

We also have no problem with nudity around our kids - the oldest is 3.5, and they still see us naked and will hop in the bath with us if they want. Obvioulsy, we'll change that when it doesn't seem normal any more...

[Big GUM]

This has happened with both of my sons, although somewhat earlier then 2.5 years. Both times, we used a combination of tactics: switching to showers w/Dad and distracting with ever-changing bath toys/fun.
The showers have the advantage of speed, so even if they were fussing, it was over quickly. This is especially helpful if hair-washing is a big hassle. Actually, we improved tub-time by taking the hair-washing out of the equation there and saving that for the shower. After a time, we were able to add it back in without fuss (we normally do a shower on the weekend and a bath halfway through the week, unless something happens to cause excess grunge). For the entertainment factor, we rotated through a selection of toys that were for the tub ONLY (and most of the best bath toys aren't marketed as such, you can find a lot in your kitchen). We also do things like blow bubbles, use a squirt gun, etc... to distract. If soaping is an issue, find a good natural bubble bath and use that. If they soak long enough, they get pretty clean and we just need to do a quick swish 'n swipe on the "bits and buns". :o)

[heather]

My 15-month-old daughter stopped sitting down in the bathtub when she was able to pull herself to standing (about 4 months ago, I think). My solution to this is to have several cups in the tub and use one to pour water over her, then bring on the soap, then use a cup to rinse her. Works well, actually, since it's easier to clean the bum & area when she's standing. As for being afraid of the bath, well, haven't been there yet. But we take her swimming once or twice a week so maybe that's why she's never shown any fear in the tub? Perhaps you could try taking your son to a swimming pool (preferably one with a 'kiddie pool' so he can walk & splash in the water) and see if he's OK with water in that situation?

[meggiemoo]

My 2-year-old still loves everything to do with water, but has gone through periods where he would only take a shower instead of a bath. He also loves it if we bathe or shower with him. He is a bit freaked out by the drain, so I always lift him out before I open the drain. Then we say bye-bye to the water.

How about changing it up a bit? Allowing him to wear his swimsuit, and telling him he's going to swim in the bath? Or taking unusual toys in the bath? I've taken small toys and frozen them in a cup of water. Then my son has a great time melting the ice in the tub to get to his toys.

If all else fails and you have an indoor swimming center available to you, a swim counts as a bath in my book! There are dry shampoos on the market for when his hair gets too greasy. Good luck!

[Diane]

Donna - If you don't feel comfortable being naked around your toddler in the tub, would you wearing a swimsuit or something help? Maybe letting him wear one too, for a while, would help calm him?

I'm just taking stabs in the dark, because (knock knock) at 19 months we still love baths over here. She has about 15 rubber ducks that she runs around the house to get and throw in the tub while shouting "MORE DUCKIES!" when she hears the water start ... do you think a special new "only in the tub" toy would help? Crayola now has special tub crayons.

I wish you the best of luck!

[Geeks]

My son was pretty good with taking a bath, but I think because I never attempted to wash his hair. He would scream bloody murder if I got his hair wet and water dripped in eyes. So I just stopped trying.

He was about 1 1/2 when I couldn't do his hair any more; even haircuts were impossible because he couldn't stand the hairs falling in his face.
Now he is 3 and we can get him to get a hair cut, but I still "wash" his hair at the end of his bath or before pajama time with a soapy washcloth and then "rinse" with a clean one.
I wonder if its the fear of stuff on their face/water in their nose that is the problem with bathing vs. playing with water on other occasions?
He is just beginning to not freak out if he accidentally splashes his face with water. He has never swum and doesn't like going near the water, so it could be he's just an aquaphobe!

[Jill]

My daughter, now 7, went through something similar at 2 and a half. She never liked baths at all, even in infancy. She still doesn't like water getting on her face.

But that summer, she wouldn't go anywhere near the pool or the lake. We spend most weekends at the lake, so it was an interesting summer. My parents were very concerned and wanted to push her a bit to get in the water, but I trusted that she'd get over it in her own time if we didn't pressure her. We made everyone leave her alone about it. Sure enough, the next summer she was swimming like a little fish.

So far, my son (2 and a half) is showing no signs of fear of the water. He loves the bath and we'll see about the lake and the pool when summer finally arrives. If summer ever arrives!

[Maria Wood]

We never had a huge problem with baths at that age; now that she's 4 she is thrilled if I say she can skip her bath, but she also likes it once she's in.

Odd as it sounds, I have never made a big thing of specific general washing in the bathtub. I put bubble bath or body wash in the water and unless she's got some real cruddy spots that we have to attend to, I figure she gets clean enough. We do shampooing once or twice a week, or more often if necessary (she's got long hair and obviously we wash it if dirt or peanut butter or… whatever… is in it).

I also get in with her occasionally, which she loves. I don't feel that it's at all inappropriate at this stage, and as others have said, when it feels that way we won't do it anymore.

Finally, I have an entertaining trick that has been a big hit for years now: Bubble Hands! We use bubble bath a lot (I like Rainbow and California Baby brands) so there are always frothy mountains in the tub. I dip my hands in the bubbles so they're covered, then make them talk, like puppets. My right hand is Bubblerama, left is Bubblicious, and they ask P about her day, and tell her stories about theirs, which frequently echoes what we did ("We cleaned our bubble house", "we went to the bubble library", etc.). When I get sick of doing the funny voices and the bubbles have mostly disappeared the Bubble Hands say they're tired and have to go to bed in Bubble World, give P a kiss and tell her they love her, and dive away.

It feels really dorky, but she loves it and something along these lines might help keep a resistant toddler distracted so he doesn't realize he hates the bath. If you wanted to scrub him down with a washcloth you could maybe have the Bubble Hands do it.

I think we worry too much about keeping our kids immaculately washed and that it's not necessary to fully immerse and bathe particularly often. In our house the bath is an integral part of the bedtime routine, and I think it's got great therapeutically soothing qualities, as well as being a chance for important play and scientific experiments about pouring, bubbles, floating, etc. But if I had a kid who really hated it and wasn't reaping those benefits at a particular stage, I would probably let bathtime go as much as possible, and replace with sponge baths or showers when absolutely necessary until the fear or power struggle or whatever the underlying issue was diminished.

How's that for a run-on sentence?

[Rachel]

We installed a handheld shower head and that did the trick! We let him hold it (for the most part) and that seemed to help. You can also get shower heads on a vertical rod so that you can adjust them to the height of various family members. Having the shower head at kid height made it less scary than the normal height of a shower (he couldn't get out of the spray), we got less water everywhere and it's great for washing the dog and cleaning the tub!

[alecia]

Can your son count to 10 or 20? Our son went through this phase, and we'd say, "Okay, count to ten and we'll be all done with your hair!" or "Count to twenty and we'll be all done washing your feet!" It seemed to work well with him. He still teared up a little while we were doing it, but he was so focused and enthusiastic about counting -- and had some control over the situation -- that he was distracted about the actual washing. And the counting calmed him down so much that when we were finished washing, he'd settle in and play a bit. We made sure we did the washing right away, even while the tub was still filling up. Oh, and we let him turn on the water, choose his washcloth and towel, choose a toy from the basket to take to the tub, etc. -- the bath issue was really a power struggle for us, starting at about age 2 1/2. He's almost 3 now and it's gotten better, but we still allow a *LOT* of choice about every tiny step to the bath process.

We also had good success with bathtub crayons and the fizzy balls, but don't let the crayon marks set overnight or you'll never get them off the tub.....

[Shandra]

We've had this stage on and off too. I find it's much worse when they're playing outside - in the winter a sponge bath goes a long way along with a hand/face wash but once sandbox season hits... it's a challenge.

I actually took my son swimming three times a week last year because there he loved the water and would even shower (!) whereas the tub at home was the enemy. This year I'm thinking perhaps the most environmentally friendly soap I can find + a wading pool...??

My husband, bless his soul, has occasionally resorted to washing our son's hair while he shaves his face. Daddy gets the bubbles on his facial hair, then Noah gets the bubbles on his head. Then mummy gets to clean the bathroom floor. :-)

My husband and I both get into the bath with him and it hasn't squicked us yet, but I think a bathing suit is in my future.

[pnuts mama]

pnut went through this a while back when we first put her in the big tub, (maybe around two?) and i remember i went in the bathroom, set it up with all of her toys, bubbles, etc. and got in the tub, then my husband brought her in and let her get excited about it and get in at her own pace- i mean, before this, it was literally like we were torturing her or if we were trying to put a cat in the tub.

she'll be three in july and so far neither of us are feeling awkward being naked in front of her. at the Y we go to the rule is same sex kids w/ parents after 6 years old. so there's that.

[rudyinparis]

Maria Wood, you are fabulous! Love the Bubble Hands. And ditto the reality check with frequency of bathing.

Donna, reading these posts I'm struck by the sheer ingenuity displayed by parents who follow their kids lead (for example, the pp who lets her son get in with his diaper and t-shirt on)--for my family, that translates into following Eldest's strict rules about hair rinsing (man, they never forget the one time you get the dang shampoo in their eyes, do they?) which involves a DRY washcloth, specific positioning, etc. So in addition to maybe letting yourself be pretty lax in terms of the bathing (maybe spot cleaning will be your method for awhile) I would only suggest carefully observing your son to see what cues he's giving you, and then be try to adapt to that. Which is pretty basic advice, and is undoubtedly what you're already doing. I just like to state the obvious.

As for nudity, I have no problem being naked in front of my girls--as a matter of fact, I think I could be placed pretty far on one end of the spectrum in terms of allowing that--I place a lot of value on showing by my actions that I like my body and that I appreciate all it does for me, etc. DH, though, doesn't want the girls to see his, ah, man-parts and will even sit on the toilet to pee if they're in the bathroom. I would maybe be different, but that's his thing, and his value on appropriateness, so I respect it.

[amy]

We had a brief stint of complaining, "I don't WANNA BATH!" but it was quickly remedied with new bath toys.

[paola]

Ugh, this sounds way too familiar. My son is 2 +1/2, he refuses to bathe. We tried everything (except for the bubble puppets and the frozen toys, which I will be looking forward to trying tonight). Nothing worked.
One day he got a book called Bathman at the library, and he really loved it. I put a cape on him and got him to be a superhero. We also got him a wound-up shark toy that swims.
I was joking about splashing in the bathtub with him, like the character in the book, and he said he wanted to take a bath. For 4 days he took two baths a day.
Now for the past two days he hasn't wanted to take a bath.
So I think I'll try the frozen toys, since he loves ice, and I'll get that book back from the library.

[Marian]

My little one went through an anti bath stage when I moved her from the sink to the tub (understandable). She screamed and cried and would just sob. It was heartbreaking, especially as this was supposed to be a soothing, relaxing time before bed! I asked my ped, who is a developmental specialist, and she said push through it and give the bath despite the crying. Just keep talking to her and soothing her and she'll get over it. And she did. I think it took a little over a week but she likes baths now. She was probably about 10 months at the time and is now 13 1/2 months and no problems since.

[Julie]

Yes. It's awful. We are in the middle of it (2 1/2 here too). Some nights I can't even get him in...it's like living in a cartoon of trying to give a cat a bath. His arms and legs shoot out and he braces himself against the side of the tub and I'm not kidding you, he will not touch the water no matter what. Other nights I "silly" him out of it, telling him I made a special bath of lemonade, or milk, or even (eeew, gross I know) pee pee or poo poo....just to get him giggling and into the bath. But washing his hair is VERY traumatic. He cries mostly all the time, despite that special bucket that has rubber on one side to "seal" against the head so no water gets on the face. Um. That works great with a kid who sits still, but really there is no such thing as a 2 1/2 year old who sits still. We taught him how to hold the washcloth over his eyes so it doesn't get in his eyes and still he howls through the whole thing. The plus side is that hey....baths are quick. In and out. The down side is that I often end up very wet too, and he's screaming the whole time. I've also tried teaching him how to lean back (in shallow water) and lay on his back so that NO water gets in his eyes, but he's not too comfortable with that. I'm seriously considering breaking out the baby tub and putting him in there so he can recline. He'll probably love it (big into pretending to be a baby these days) and it will be new enough to tempt him for a few days.

Another short-term solution is to buy a bunch of new bath toys. That worked for a couple weeks. But seriously, who can afford to buy new bath toys every month?

He's not afraid of going down the drain (which is strange because he still thinks he's small enough to go down his little people's garage slide and climb into the toy garbage truck he has)...and actually likes sitting there watching the water go down. For him it's a hair washing/water on face thing.

I'm glad to know he'll grow out of it. But it's a pain in the ass.

[hydrogeek]

My daughter (15 months) has recently started throwing a fit at bathtime, but only sometimes. I think for her it is directly tied to the knowledge that bathtime is the beginning of the bedtime routine.

[Emily]

yup, right on target. Ours had this at 18 months and again at 2. At 18 months he just eventually got over it, and we had a few weeks of fewer baths, and sponge baths, and standing baths, screaming baths. The trigger the next time seemed to be that we were using a detachable shower nozzle to wash him, and he came to hate it after some bad hotel experiences. So we switched to cups.

Things that were helpful to us:
- teaching him to/letting him rinse his own hair. We take turns so that I can make sure the shampoo is all out. This requires multiple cups as he wants to hold on to his.
- showers with daddy (or me).
- Again, multiple cups so he can pour between them while we rinse him.
- keeping the bath toys out of the tub between baths. He would throw them in as I ran the water, and then have to get in to retrieve them.
- if he's a reader, waterproof books might entice him.

None of these was especially magical; time ultimately did the trick.

Maria Wood is right on - the main reason for the daily bath is the routine, at this point. Unless there's toothpaste in the hair and the tomato-sauce body wrap.

[fahmi]

We use the inflatable duck tub from Munchkin (we got it from Target, but Amazon has it, too.). He's a big kid for 2 years 3 months, so the tub is getting to be a bit of a tight fit, but he loves it. It fills up most of the big tub, and he gets wet up to his waist. It feels secure for him, and the quacking mouth is a good distraction.

I've tried moving him to the regular tub and each time he freaked out, so we've decided to let him stay with the duck till he decides he doesn't need it any more. It might not get used long for you, but it might help ease any fears.

[kates]

Our oldest is a bit over 2, and we've had some bath resistance here and there. Others have said most of these, but here are things that have helped for us:
- giving the choice between shower and bath so he has a little control
- having him hold a washcloth over his eyes while rinsing his hair
- not washing his hair every time
- not being super concerned if we skip the bath every now and then; my husband is more particular, but as long as his face and hands are clean, I couldn't care less if he only bathed every few days (obvious exception for days when he jumps in mud puddles, etc)
Good luck! This too shall pass...

[kates]

Oh, I forgot to mention that yes, I have often washed his hair super-quickly through the screams. That's the only part he threw a fit for, so once it was over, he was fine.

[hedra]

@rudyinparis, I had to LOL on the 'they never forget' thing. No, they don't, do they? And we have the dry towel over eyes routine as well. At least, for two of them it's mandatory, the other two find it optional.

I didn't keep count on this, as it was not a huge deal in my book - we were under doctors orders for minimal 'immersion' type baths anyway (skin sensitivity issues), they wanted no more than twice a week (and once was fine - spot clean the rest of the time) - short (10 minute max), tepid, and soapless being the ideal even then.

And since there was that big to-do in the press a bit back about the chemicals from the bottles and ingredients in most infant/child care products... eh, happy enough to have skipped it. We make them use soap if the water doesn't work. Otherwise, splash around, see what comes off. And shampoos only once a week, or as the occasion merits.

So, starting from there, we were pretty mellow about the bath thing, all in all. The main issue with it is schedule (getting all four through before bedtime can be a challenge!).

Things we've done to help the various bath-phobic stages:

1) Handheld nozzle.
2) 'the bathless bath' - that is, leave the drain open, put down a towel on the bottom of the tub (kind of a nonskid mat approach), and bathe them with running water over that. This was a sanity saver when bathing twins at once, since there's always the chance one will tip over while you're washing the other, and I have zero faith in bath 'seats' (I've used the mesh sling seats, though, they're pretty cool for infants). Drowning is a huge freakout for me (having nearly drowned twice as a child, plus having kids who have no caution around water), so leaving the drain open helps my sanity. The towel stays wet and retains some of the warmth of the water, as well.
3) wet towel cover-up in the bath. I don't even know where I got this one - cover all the parts that are exposed to the air with a light hand-towel, and then spray that with warm water from the nozzle or scoop/pour from the bath/faucet. M doesn't retain her temperature well, so evaporative cooling is really distressing for her. The towel allows her to stay warmer, keeps the damp on the skin to help dissolve any yard dirt from knees, etc., and they find it entertaining, as well.
4) Standing up if standing up works.
5) Imagination play - my mom used to have us 'look at the owl' instead of just looking 'up' to get our hair rinsed. I still use that.
6) Shampoo visors. Not for every kid or every stage, but they do help some kids at some stages.
7) Showering with them, or having them shower instead of a bath.
8) Bathing with them. (I'm pretty okay with nudity, though I limit the duration/frequency of instances more as they get older.)
9) Swim trunks/suits as needed.
10) Dip and wring-out rinsing. The very old school approach to showers, using the washcloth or a sea sponge to deliver the water. It's very gentle, pleasant, and effective. Make sure to bring spares, because they want to do it themselves.
11) empowering them to do it themselves (cups, etc. - M would rather do her own hair, thanks! She can't do it alone all the way, but if I remember to let her start it, she'll tolerate more help on the far end of it than she does if I try to just do it myself.)
12) Keeping them company when they really don't want to do it themselves. G is 10, he CAN bathe entirely on his own, but he still likes for me to come in at least a couple times to check his progress, or just to sit and chat while he bathes. If the schedule permits, I'm usually okay with it (though he already tends toward the 30-minute showers, sigh). And while he's totally not typical, he may still decide at some point that he'd rather be alone than hang with me. Okay, it's pretty much guaranteed at some point, so I'm enjoying it when I notice the opportunity.

That's all I got. But yeah, seems normal to me.

[Nick]

My 26-month-old DD is in this stage. Baths are touch-and-go-- when she asks, we jump on it. She's hated getting her hair wet since she went in the big tub at 10 months, so I've dispensed with attempts at shampooing entirely, just scrubbing at her head with a washcloth whenever she'll let me. So far, she's been perfectly fine without shampoo and it's been over a year. Makes you wonder.

She's always wanted to stand in the big bath since day one. Only in the last two months does she occasionally sit.

Bath toys as lures: Rotating kitchenware through (this weeek spatula, next week colander), as well as rotating bath toys per se has kept DD's interest. This keeps up the variety without breaking the bank.

[Jan]

Never had a problem, though mine both complain about the hair rinsing. Could be, I guess, that the younger one (2.3) just hasn't hit it yet.

So that could be good luck or it could be what we did. In case it's the latter:

I poured water over their heads and down their faces from the very first bath. They did the morrow reflex reaction at first, but by the time they were old enough to process it as anything but new-like-the-rest-of-everything, it was a given.

When we bathe, we wash hair. Period. No arguing about that.

We don't bathe so much as sit in the tub and play for a bit. I figure the water gets them pretty clean in the spots that need it most and the baby soap I use on their hair gets on them.

We aim for twice a week baths. Very occasionally there'll be a third, and sometimes we only get one.

My kids were in the big tub from the time they could sit up. We got one of these:

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2969577

and both kids used it until probably 20 months. It keeps the little ones from falling over and the big ones from standing up.

None of this helps solve the scared-of-the-bath problem, but maybe something will be useful for prevention ...

Or maybe I just happened to get a couple of guppies. :)

[scotti]

Oh- this is my life!
My two year old has gone back on another bath and water strike. He's done it before and we eased him back in eventually with the lure of bubbles. Even then he wouldn't sit down - only squat in the water. But this time nothing is working.

And it's not just baths - he freaks out at the idea of a shower. Won't come near a swimming pool except to scoop water while squatting on the edge. Got really anxious on our recent trip to Mexico - and started chanting "no water mommy, no water" over and over anytime we came near the beach.
He'll lean over the edge of a tub to scoop water but starts crying and getting really anxious at the idea of getting in.

So needless to say he only gets sponged off occasionally. And hair washing is a major undertaking that I'm just not willing to put him through unless really necessary. If he's expressing such a strong fear, I figure I should honor that.

But I'd love other suggestions and/or commiserations!

[Maureen]

My first thought when reading through the question was that since he likes to stand but not sit maybe he doesn't feel stable in the bath. When we transitioned from the sink (we have a large sink so we actually didn't transition to the bathtub until the boys were closer to 2 or 2 1/4), we put towels down in the bottom of the tub - they liked the feel of those much better than the tub surface and I think may them feel less slippery.

As for suggestions, perhaps go for a week of no soap, no shampoo, just water "baths" and see if he likes that better (then you'll know it is the shampoo thing that is setting him off) and then slowly transition back to just body shampoo and then hair shampoo.

We just did bubbles in the tub last night to change things up and boy did that go over well. Not bubbles in the water but rather my husband blowing bubbles into the tub and letting the boys catch them, etc. They started off standing just because the bubbles were in the air... but maybe if your son was having such a good time, he'd be a bit distracted and have a better feeling about bathing?

[Lisa]

Wow, I have been reading your blog for awhile now, and I seriously had been drafting a question for you regarding this exact issue. Well, except that my daughter is 15mo old (tomorrow) and this has been going on for a month now. We have been doing occasional baths, and spot cleaning in between. When we do have to get a bath out, she screams through the whole thing. Last week's bath taught us that if she could stand in the tub with Daddy in there too it wouldn't be quite so bad. Glad to hear that this is really normal, and that kids just grow out of it. Until then we'll only be doing baths and hair washing when necessary. And thanks scotti for the reminder that if something is bothering our little ones we should honor their fears.

[Alisha]

What about writing a social story that is personalized for your child? This is a short story (often with pictures) written in kid-friendly language.

For example:

Hi my name is Sarah. Mommy and I do many things together during the day. One of the things that we do every day is take a bath. When I take a bath there are five steps.

First I get undressed.
Second I climb in the tub..........

Dependent upon the age of your child it might be appropriate for them to help you come up with the words and/or draw the accompanying pictures.

Good luck.

[Lisa]

Along the lines of the Bubble Hands and the like: T. loves baths, but has mixed feelings about hair-washing. I let him rub the shampoo between his hands and "put bubbles in his hair" (measure of control for him). Then I scrub it around with his bear hand-puppet washcloth, doing silly bear voices about how much the bear likes to eat soap - salmon and cantaloupe and honey, sure, but bubbles are a bear's favorite food, YUM, etc. Then rinsing the bear-cloth and wiping as much as possible off several times (more voices and tickling and such). He usually needs only one small rinse with a cup after that - if I'm in with him we sometimes do the rinse while nursing (perfect position + distraction).

Also, the California Baby shampoo rinses out really well and is non-irritating and low-foaming.

[Amy]

Bath: my older two never protested; #3 protests in the big bath but still fits in an inflatable "toddler" bath, so in he goes.

Hair washing: I can recall my mother laying me on the kitchen counter and then washing my hair like they do in salons. It helped control the water in the eyes thing, and it was easy to control the temperature. And it was also kind of an adventure (I mean, lying! on the kitchen counter! What fun!) There was also something soothing about having her stand so close. Once in my late-20s, she and I shared a room in London at a B&B that only had a bath--no shower--and I had her come in one night and wash my hair just like old times (though I wasn't on the counter!).

Nudity: Well, as the above story indicates, I don't have a problem with it. Even my 8 y.o. son still sees me nude occasionally. I don't walk around nude on purpose, but if he's in my room while I'm getting dressed I don't worry about it. I do ask for privacy while going to the bathroom... but more to teach them to do it as I got tired of everyone expecting me to keep them company while they pooped!

[Caroline]

I'm loving seeing that I'm not the only one who bathes their kid on a more, um, European schedule. My 3 year old gets a bath twice a week, but I was starting to think that was very unusual. But between long hair and ear tubes (which can't get wet) it's a pain in the butt.

We never had any huge bath issues, just the occasional mild resistance that's remedied with toys, bubble blowing, or mom-in-tub.

And my only equipment plug is the full-length non-skid mat from One Step Ahead.

[ireps]

oh yes I second that full length mat from one step ahead. My son goes through bath phases but I have found that leaving the drain open and water running makes it more enjoyable for him. We bath together most of the time which saves time but I miss my long hot solo showers. The times he has refused to bath we have just used a wet washcloth...sometimes in another part of the house because he will NOT go into the bathroom.

[meggiemoo]

A couple of other bath suggestions (we love our baths around these parts!):

- food coloring in the bathwater...deep blue or green. Very cool, and a great photo op. Should wash right off of the tub.

- Using a whisk to make loads of bubbles. You pour a tiny amount into the water and let your child whisk to their heart's content. And old-fashioned beater would also be fun.

I know not everyone is comfortable bathing with their children (although it has been so fun and relaxing for us), but if you are, letting your child wash your hair first might help as well.

Some of this comes along with toilet-readiness, I suspect. Our son gets very upset if he feels like he may poop once he's in the tub (which the warm water sort of encourages!).

[Katherine]

I glanced at this post with only semi-interest this morning, vaguely wondering if my 18-month-old would ever stop loving her bath. Then this very night she freaked as soon as her feet hit the water, no idea why. Boy do I hope it was just a fluke. If not I'll be studying the suggestions.

[Sarah S]

I have a question regarding baths. My daughter is 12 months and constantly tries to walk around in side the tub. We have a non-skid mat down but I still worry about her falling and hitting her head on the tub. Also, she is constantly reaching for the faucet tap (I'm sure she is trying to copy us because she sees us turn the water on for her bath) and I don't want her to do this incase she turns it onto hot. Anyone know of any devices/tips to prevent her from touching the faucet? and get her to stop walking around the tub?

[violingirl]

We're in the middle of a version of this too. My son is 2 1/2 and he will happily play in the tub until it is time to wash his hair. I think there are several parts to his problem- he *hates* for anyone to touch his head in the last 2-3 months, he hates the very idea that water might touch his face or eyes or go in his ears.

I have tried all kinds of things- special cups, holding a towel over his face, having my husband hold his head back while I wash so that there is no possible way for water to get in his ears, eyes or face, and there was no one thing that worked- he's just started to outgrow it I think. Just the last 2 baths have had no screaming for the first time in a few months.

[hedra]

@Sarah S, can you set the temperature to 120 F or lower? It would be uncomfortable, but not dangerous to touch. I figure that learning how to adjust the temp early is one of the skills that will help them AND me - if it's too hot, they can fiddle with the temp while I toss the bath toys in, etc.

As for walking around, my kids went through phases of that, and the best I could come up with was having them hold my hand (or removing them from the tub if they refused - this only worked if they were in a YAY BATH! phase). They DID slip now and then, and that experience helped put a natural end to the perambulating in the tub thing, but holding onto me helped keep them safe when it happened - not happy but safe. (of course, they also ended up slipping later on, each of them, just standing up at some point and taking a mis-step. Sigh.)

[andrea]

@ Sarah S: you can get inflatable faucet covers. We just got one (Safety 1st brand - not sure if that's Australian or if it's available in North America too) because our 10-month-old twins just started showing interest in the faucet. Though we have two traditional taps and a faucet - it sounds like you may be talking about one of those faucets with the tap "lever" built in? In that case, can't help you! Surely, though, there would be similar covers for that kind of faucet.

The girls have just started trying to pull up on the side of the tub and I'm also paranoid about them falling. I generally bathe with them, one at a time, so have been able to prevent any disasters (so there's one idea). I'm keen to see if anyone else has any ideas.

[erika]

My daughter is 2.5 and we've always had issues with shampooing her hair. She really does not want the water to go in her eyes. So, I happened to have some cat butt stickers and one of the butts looks like one of our cats. I put the sticker on the ceiling above the bath and when I need to pour water on her head, I tell her to look up at "Otto's tush". Works like a charm. Most of the time.

[Alison]

i don't have answers for getting the little one in the bath, but I just want to say that it's not at all inappropriate to have a bath with your 2 year old, or 3 year old. goodness. had to get that out of my system!

[Nancy]

We have the same issues with our 17 month old son! Thanks for sharing, it's always a relief to know we're not the only ones going through something. Our son usually stands and especially dislikes having his hair washed. I mostly let him do what he wants and try to get some water over him while he's playing with a toy. He plays and giggles, then I wash his hair and he cries, then we play again. My goal is to have the bath end up fun. The last thing we do is pull the drain plug and watch the water go down, and sometimes he puts the plug in and out and in again which is always a fun game. I miss the days of happy baths.

[michelle]

Odd how people are so fired up about bathing with your children. Who cares? I don't bathe with my 3 year old, because she hates showers. But I don't see anything wrong with it. I hope to teach my kids (by example) to be comfortable with their bodies.

Generally, I think my fellow Americans often have very uptight attitudes and bizarre moral arguments for why you can't bathe with your 2 year old, why breastfeeding after 1 year is disgusting, or why co-sleeping is weird.

For my part, if getting in the tub with your 3 year old is the quickest way to get him to wash his hair...then go for it.

[Ally]

My son is 3 1/2 and we just went through our latest bath debacle. What has always worked is one part patience, one part firmness, and one part novelty - think colored bath fizzies, colored bubble bath, etc.

The patience part applies to whatever fear or hang up is causing the current problem. The last time I finally figured out that Jamie hates having his hair washed these days because it leaves his face wet and cold. Voila, I hand him a hand towel as soon as I rinse his hair and we're good. Until I figured that out, we had some forced hair washes, hence the firmness. I skipped all but the hair and penis/bottom for a few baths, but those had to happen and we suffered through it.