Q&A: Naps #1

Heather writes:

"I have a 10 month-old son who has never been a terribly great napper.  There have been times where he seems to have settled into a routine of 45 min. or longer naps, and then we will have weeks on end where he naps for only 30 min. stretches.  I was able to avoid him getting overtired when he was younger by keeping short intervals and always watching his sleepy cues, but as he has gotten older and much more mobile, he is much more difficult to read.  I've been told by numerous people to either just go with the flow and put him down when he needs it, or to schedule him strictly and he will eventually learn to be tired at the same time.  I've been leaning more towards reading his cues, but as I said previously, it doesn't seem to be working anymore.  I have somewhat of a bias against scheduling because I don't want anyone telling me when I have to go to bed, eat, play, etc., however, those who do this swear by it.  I believe I remember you mentioning that both your boys weren't the best nappers, so I was just wondering if you have any additional ideas or insights. 

 

A little additional background:  Yes, he is cranky after only 30 minutes, so it obviously isn't working for him.  He is sick right now, although he has had a cold off and on for the last two months.  He is also getting four teeth, however, his first two didn't bother him at all.  He goes to sleep fine for the naps; he has never required any intervention to fall asleep, it is just the staying there that sucks. I've tried to go back in and quickly rock him, nurse him, pat him, etc., but that only seems to energize him. 

Thanks in advance."

But Heather is not the only one with this problem. Kate writes:

"My 6 month old boy is king of the catnaps.  He will take anywhere from 4-7 little naps a day, each one lasting about 25-35 minutes.  Within minutes of waking up from a nap he is yawning, rubbing his eyes, and fussy, but will not go back to sleep.

 

I have run out of words to adequately express how frustrating this is.  I don't have a clue how to get him sleeping longer.  It wouldn't bother me so much, except he clearly needs more sleep.  I spend just about the entire day soothing him to a drowsy state, putting him in his crib, and retrieving him a half an hour later when he wakes back up.  Repeat, repeat, repeat till bedtime.  It makes no difference how long he is awake between naps, either. 

 

I've tried the Pantley method of rushing in at the first sign of his waking up and soothing him back to sleep, but it doesn't work on him.

 

Any thoughts at all?

 

BTW, his night sleeping is pretty good - he generally wakes up 2-3 times to nurse, but goes right back to sleep."

Oof. I confess that I find nap questions hard to answer. Probably because, as Heather reminds me, neither of my two boys are the greatest nappers. El Chico was a slow starter on napping. For the first 4-5 months of his life he'd sleep for 25 minutes at a time during the day. Then, once he consolidated into real naps, he went down to one nap a day at 11 months. He gave up napping entirely at 2 1/2 years old. El Pequeño only naps in bed--he hardly naps at all when we're in motion (30-35 minutes, tops), which is an impossible situation for a second child.

When El Chico was 4 months old, he did the same thing both Heather and Kate describe that their sons do--staying asleep for around 30 minutes, then waking up. I also tried hovering right there and sticking the pacifier right back into his mouth the second he started to rouse, but it never worked. Finally, in desperation, I emailed Elizabeth Pantley. (The No-Cry Sleep Solution had just come out, and I'd read it cover to cover with the desperation of a ravenous barracuda in a koi pond.)

She answered me back! And what she said was that usually you can't get naps in order until you've got nighttime sleep in order. So I should focus on getting a rock-solid bedtime routine down, and in a few weeks the naps would probably settle in, too. And they did, all by themselves. The problems we had with naps after that (except when he dropped them entirely) were during teething and growth and developmental spurts.

But back to your problem, Heather. Do you have a solid bedtime routine? If not, try working on that to see if it helps napping. Then, try to troubleshoot to see if there's anything that could be interfering with his sleep. Is he hungry? He might be waking up from hunger in the middle of the nap. Does he have reflux or digestive problems? Does he sleep longer in a stroller or car seat than in a bed or crib? Some kids never have the normal symptoms of reflux, but will have problems sleeping horizontally. If that's the case, you can try propping the head of the bed, or just letting him sleep in the stroller.

Does he seem to nap better in the morning or in the afternoon? Is he getting physically tired out, and if so, does he sleep better after that? Is he learning a new skill (like walking or crawling)?

Kate, I wonder if the problem is with the putting down into the crib. Have you tried nursing or soothing him down next to you on a mat on the floor or your bed, lying there reading a magazine for 20-30 minutes until he's really asleep, then rolling away? That way you wouldn't have the motion problem or the difference in mattress pressure on his back, etc.

I'm not a schedule advocate, but I'm a huge routine fan. I like to keep one eye on the kid and the other on the clock, so that I can kind of anticipate "oh, in about 10 minutes he's going to be tired enough to go down" and that sort of thing. Heather, it sounds like his cues are all over the place right now, so you might want to try a loose 2-3-4 for a week or so and see if it helps any. If it seems to bug him even more to be on a regular routine, pull back and see if you can find any pattern. But he might take to the 2-3-4 and surprise you.

Kate, what would happen if you just assumed he was going to take 2 or 3 naps (if you decide on 2, try 2-3-4, if you decide on 3, try to space them evenly) and stick to only soothing and putting him down then? The first day or two might be really rough, but then I wonder if his body would just start to get used to going to sleep and staying asleep instead of this down-up-down-up thing he's working right now.

Sorry this wasn't a linear answer. Heather, let me know what happens after you try the 2-3-4 and do a little observation. Kate, try getting him down on the same space he can sleep on and see if that helps, or try limiting his nap time to only certain windows, then let me know what happens.

Comments

[Heather]

Moxie,
Thanks for answering this. To clarify a few points. Ian has had a consistent bedtime routine since he was three months old. He goes to sleep between 6:45 and 7 every evening, and we give him a bath, nurse, three books, bed. He falls asleep on his own perfectly, without any fuss. He generally (not counting growth/developmental spurts or illness) sleeps until between 6-7:30 am. That is actually one of my big problems with a 2-3-4 routine. His wake-up time is pretty inconsistent, so it is hard to rely on a set amount of time between naps, because he will have more awake time (unless he naps longer). He is probably closer to Monica's Harrison in that 2.5-3-4 works better for him.

Also, I have obsessively tracked his sleep since he was 4.5 months old. This kid has NO PATTERNS. One day he will take a 2.5 hour nap, the next day 15 minutes. All things are equal, so I just can't figure him out. I e-mailed this out of desperation two weeks ago, and since then, he has cut three teeth and started cruising, and he is sleeping better.

I love the new column. You are a wise woman Ms. Moxie and you know how to phrase things just so. Keep it up.
Heather

[Heather]

Oops, forgot to answer some of your questions. Nope, he won't sleep AT ALL in the car or stroller (never has, never will). The bed is the place for him. No digestive issues or reflux. Back when I was tracking his sleep, I considered hunger, so I added extra feedings, but he just wouldn't take them. He is a big, healthy boy who just loves being up chasing his cats.
Heather

[kate]

Thank you for your thoughts. The crib isn't the problem (I don't think) b/c he puts himself to sleep pretty easily. I do get him drowsy by nursing or rocking, but I always put him down in his crib awake and he takes it from there. Like Heather, I have been obsessively charting Cam's sleep, and there are NO patterns to be had whatsoever. The kid is totally irregular in his sleeping habits.

I am going to take your advice and try to employ the 2-3-4 method. I have tried this in the past, but I've never stuck with it past one day b/c hell hath no fury like Cam when he is tired and I just haven't had the patience or the energy to keep him awake. But nothing ventured, nothing gained, so I'll give this a shot and let you know what happens.

Thanks again - Can I just say that I am loving this advice site???

[Anna]

I had a similar issue when my daughter was about six months. She'd nap for only 45 minutes at a time (so one sleep cycle), and she was only taking two naps a day, which was clearly not enough because she was just cranky and awful all the time.

Now, I hesitate to post this, since letting your baby cry is such a controversial topic, but one day I put the baby down for a nap, and about 5 minutes before I knew she was going to wake up I had a massive IBS attack. I'll spare those of you who are unfamiliar with IBS the details, but suffice it to say that I was on the toilet and getting off was NOT an option. Sure enough, she woke up and started crying. I felt just awful - every time I tried to get up to go get her, I just couldn't, thanks to my stupid body. I was freaking out because I could hear her crying, which wasn't helping things at all.

By the time I got out of the bathroom (seven minutes - I was checking the clock repeatedly!) she had gone back to sleep. And she slept for another hour and a half. And she was like a completely different baby when she woke up - cheerful, smiling, happy.

Ever since that afternoon, if she wakes up from an afternoon nap after that first 45 minutes, I leave her alone for about 3-4 minutes, which is about as long as I'm comfortable letting her cry. About 70% of the time she goes back to sleep. It doesn't work for the morning nap - 45 minutes seems to be all she needs in the morning.

This is obviously something that not everyone will be comfortable with, since letting your baby cry is such a controversial issue.

[Moxie]

Anna, have you thought about patenting your SIO method?:) I know I said there were no unique ideas, but shit-it-out might be one.

Actually, I think you hit on something, which is that some kids actually will go back to sleep if they fuss for a couple of minutes, while others will escalate and escalate. My second son sometimes cries himself to sleep *while nursing* if he's super-tired. It seems to me that the important thing is to pay attention to your child and his/her individual needs.

[Linda]

I loved the 2-3-4 method. I didn't consider it a "schedule" because I bristle at that word, but it definitely was a routine. It varied by up to an hour when we had things to do or they weren't tired, but if we were home, I stuck pretty close to it.

I didn't do the SIO method (too funny!), but my kids did start sleeping better when I realized a little fussing was necessary FOR THEM. I had had a stressful day and just needed some time to myself. I put them down for naps and the fussing started and I left that part of the house for 10 minutes. Cool down time is important, ya know? Anyway, when I came back they were both sound asleep. Eventually, I got to know the different cries and knew if it was an "I'm going to sleep cry" versus any other kind.

[Heather]

As soon as you posted this Moxie, I thought to myself, "that boy is going to make a liar out of me." Sure enough, he took a two-hour morning nap and he has been down for about 45 min. now. These kids just KNOW don't they?
Heather

[kate]

Heather - That's hilarious, b/c Cam is now in the midst of an unprecedented 90 minute nap! I don't know what to do with myself. Housework, or People magazine???

[Ally]

Heather-
I completely empathize with the no-napping thing (Kate too). At 14 months, Jamie will finally, farily consistently, take a 2-hour nap. Of course, it could start anywhere from 10:30-2:30, but baby steps, right?

I think part of your problem may be Ian's wakeup time. I found awhile ago that, while I loved it when Jamie slept in until 8 or so on the weekends, it messed up the entire day. And since he has to be up by 7:15 during the week to get to daycare, we don't let him sleep any later than 7:30 on the weekends. I see wakeup time as a part of the nighttime sleep, and anything too early or too late is a real problem for us.

Just my 2 cents.