Q&A: 6-month-old waking up in the middle of the night

Kate asks:

"Hey Moxie

OK, so when they’re 6 months, and they start rolling around the cot all night, waking every couple of hours asking to be put back where they started….

Do you think it’s best just to let them cry and figure out how to fall asleep wherever they are (on their tummies, out of the blankets and whatever)? Or go in every so often, sort them out, and hope it’s a phase that ends soon enough?

Because there’s some serious sleep deprivation in this house!

Cheers

Kate"

Well, Kate, first of all, I think you must be a better person than I am to be able to end your email about sleep deprivation with "Cheers." I think I would have ended mine with "Stick a fork in my eye" or "Barely functioning."

Now, on to the issue. I'm going to have to go with "it depends" on this one. It seems like there are three things you have to examine before you make your plan:

1. What's up with all the wiggling? Is he just a wiggly kid? Or is there some kind of developmental spurt going on? Is he about to crawl? Is he getting a tooth or two and trying to wriggle away from the pain?

If it's something transient, like teething or crawling or something else developmental, I'd say to see if you can hold on for another week to see if it resolves itself. I think most kids will go back to what they were doing before sleep-wise once the spurt or crisis is over. But if he's a wiggly kid, then you're really looking at making a decision about what to do.

2. How will he deal with being left alone to work it out on his own? Some kids will fuss a little and then conk right back out. Other kids wake up in the middle of the night and just won't go back to sleep without help. My older son was like that--if he woke up he was up! and crying! until someone came to save him from the indignities of being alone! in the dark! oh, cruel cruel world! I never considered letting him cry, because it would have gone on for hours and hours. My younger one will wake up, fuss for 10 seconds, and then go right back to sleep. A friend's child will wake up, scream his head off for about a minute, and then abruptly fall asleep again (she discovered that he'd fall asleep again on his own in almost exactly the time it took her to realize what that noise was, wake up, struggle out of bed, and stumble down the hall to his room.).

If you've got a kid who's going to be up and crying if you don't go in, then you're going to have to go in, do a slow wean off going in, or minimize the ways he can wake himself up. If he freaks out from being on his tummy, do more tummy time during the day so he's not as freaked out by it when it happens in the night. If he's cold, maybe put him in warmer pajamas so the blanket isn't such a factor. If it's something else, try to figure out what exactly is waking him up and see if you can eliminate that cause.

You can always let him fuss for a minute or two to see what happens and whether he's an escalator or a yelper who falls back asleep. It might surprise you.

3. Can you let him cry? Some parents have no problems with letting their kids cry at night. Others can't do it. I think you should be the same kind of parent at night as you are during the day, so stay true to yourself and your vision of yourself as a parent. Or delegate this one to your partner.

Whatever happens, just know that he will sleep through the night without you. Even my older one, who would yell like a car alarm when he was up at night, now falls asleep easily and stays asleep with no problems. And someday they'll move out of the house and you won't know how or even if they sleep.

Courage.

Comments

[kate]

Wow, great answer. You’ve provided more detail there than the local Child and Youth Health mob have in six months.
He’s a she by the way (I know yours are boys and hence the assumption).
And yes I am cheery despite the sleep deprivation. I only have one kid, and the absence of a demanding toddler is a bonus.

In answer to your Q’s- yes she’s a wiggly kid. And yes she’s in the rolling/beginning to crawl stage. And yes there are probably teeth not too far away. But no she’s not cold (she’s in a sleeping bag and it’s nearly summer here in Australia).

It’s been exacerbated because we stopped wrapping a few weeks ago. She used to sleep beautifully wrapped, but when we had to use cot sheets and a velcroed potholder to restrain her, it was clearly time to stop.

If I was to leave her to cry, it would definitely be a long exercise. Like your older one, once she’s awake, that’s it until something comes along to calm her back to sleep. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to let a baby cry it out, but if enough experienced parents assured me that it’s the only way to get them to learn to sleep freestyle around the cot, I might try it.

I think I’ll just keep doing what I’ve been doing, and stumble in there as required with my revolving repertoire of soothing words, sippy cup, dummy, teething gel, and feeding when nothing else works. Thanks for providing reassurance.
kate

[Dee]

I'm dealing with similar issues over here so I've got a couple of follow up questions.

My gal is a wiggler and absolutely will.not.sleep.unswaddled. As we head into 6 months, she's gotten way too big for her sw@ddleme flannel wrap. But desperate times call for desperate measures and I've just ordered a mir@cle bl@nket (my girl is still small, only 25th percentile, so she should fit into it for a while to come--hell, she's still in some newborn pjs, and in 3 month clothing).

She wakes most nights and goes right back to sleep once we rewrap her and give her a cuddle. But then, once you put her back down in the crib, she wakes right back up and starts crying again. But she will go right back to sleep in the swing at that point without crying so most nights that's where she goes once she wakes. Once there, she'll stay asleep until we...wake...her...up...the next morning (payback and all--sister loves to get her some sleep, just like her daddy). She didn't used to do this, and slept through the night--in her crib--like a champ.

At this point, I have to wonder, will she be sleeping in that damn swing until she's two? 'Cause it's the only place that she'll go back to sleep in once she wakes up in the crib. And am I doing her harm by putting her back to sleep in the swing almost every night (probably 5 or 6 nights a week)?

As you suggest, I do 'parent' her in the night as I do during the day and will only let her fuss/cry for a few minutes when she wakes at night. Any longer and she'll be completely up and in a fit, which then precludes sleep again for some time. By heading her off quickly, she seems to fall right back asleep--but me, not so lucky. The bags under my eyes can attest to that...especially since I wake at 5 to get ready for work.

[kate]

Dee, I have a mir@cle bl@nket we used for a while on our wriggler- but sadly she's on the 95th percentile and has grown out of it. I think you'll like it.
We used a swing for a long time too and it worked like a charm.
Now, when nothing else works, I give her a bottle then a dummy, and she goes back to sleep ok. From one bad habit to another, hey!

[Sherry]

First, let's all bow to Moxie and thank JEEBUS that she's started this blog. Amen, sister and keep rockin on.

Second, we just started experiencing late night wake ups with Max. No screaming. No crying. Just each night/early morning, he wakes up around 3am, chatting. LOUDLY. And he's the kid closest to the monitor, so it sounds as if he's shouting into my ear. It didn't even dawn on me that these wake ups could be attributed to some developmental milestone on the horizon (he just rolled over and is working rolling in the other direction) until now.

So, this very long winded comment is basically to say thank you, Moxie.

[wix]

dee, i think our son (now almost 19 mos) slept in his bouncy chair in his crib until he was about 9 mos old, so take heart if the swing is the only place she'll sleep for now. the only issue i can think of is safety once she's mobile enough (and determined enough) to climb out of it.

does she have any kind of chest congestion or sinus issues? if so, sleeping in a somewhat upright position might be the only way she can comfortably breathe. if you use a central air conditioning or heating unit and you haven't had the ducts cleaned or filter changed in a while, you might want to investigate that kind of service. i understand, in a very unscientific way, that mold spores burst in the early morning hours (1-3), and their activity can trigger sinus/breathing issues in those with allergies.

think back to what changed around the time that she stopped sleeping through the night. did you move? seasons change? new bedding? houseguests? a new pet? any change in routine, i.e. now she's in day care, eating solids, not going out as much during the day? since she's on the cusp of a lot of developmental changes, it might be something like growing pains, or it could be something environmental.

[lawks, sorry moxie, didn't mean to hijack in the comments. i just saw dee's comment and it reminded me that CX slept in his bouncer for a good long while.]

[Dee]

Thank you Kate and Wix--I take comfort from your responses (and of course from the lovely Moxie!).

We haven't had any change in routine, new additions, bedding changes, etc., so I'm not thinking it's that and she's not congested but the allergy thing got me to thinking--our house is pretty dusty even though we change the filter monthly. Perhaps I should see about getting our ducts checked/cleaned if necessary.

Sorry to hijack your comments Moxie--but gawd, I do loves me some Internets, you helpful lovely gals!