House Hunters Drinking Game

I made this game up in 2011. Feel free to add to it in the comments.

Drink once every time:

• Someone mentions granite countertops, crown molding, or hardwood flooors.
• Anyone uses the phrase "great for entertaining."
• The buyers complain about a paint color, light fixtures, or cabinets.
• The buyers complain about landscaping or lack of fencing or a deck.
• There was nothing wrong with their current home.

Drink twice every time:

• The buyers scorn anything under 3,000 square feet.
• The realtor shows them something above their price range.
• In the interview shot, the realtor says the buyers are unrealistic.
• One of the buyers disregards the other's concerns about commute or some other quality-of-life issue.
• The husband is obsessed with having a "man cave."

Do a shot or drink three times when:

• Someone makes the joke that the wife gets the bedroom closet and the husband gets the coat closet.
• The buyers end up buying the house out of their price range.
• The buyers make some glaring cultural faux pas (for House Hunters International)
• The buyers pay more for a vacation house that you spent on the house you live in.
• They buy a house based on something they want for a pet or inanimate object (like a piano).

Comments

[Laura Lou]

Drink twice: They want an older home in an established neighborhood with an open concept floor plan.

Special Property Brothers addition: Drink three times when one of the homeowners says they want a place that's "move in ready" or expresses a desire to avoid renovations.

[Deb]

Drink once: They want double sinks in the master bath.
Drink once: They are disappointed the house doesn't have stainless steel appliances.

[Joanna]

Drink once for:
They want a house where they can "make memories."
They need a yard for spot the anthropomorphic dog.
They say "oh spot would love this."

[Catherine]

Drink three times if the dog actually comes WITH the buyers to look at houses because its vote counts more than theirs.

Special Property Virgins addition: raise your glass if you miss Sandra Rinomato (sp), the original host.

[Nikki]

Why is this show so addicting?
Drink once if one of the buyers climbs in the bath tub and lays down.
Drink twice if a buyer walks into a walk-in closet bigger than your first apartment and complains that it is too small for their shoe collection.

[Enu]

DIY (even painting) or renovating can be very stressful to some folks. I very much wanted to avoid the conflict that comes with buying a house that needed work (soon or immediately) to make it workable for us. So I don't think there's anything wrong with having a desire to get even the small things (like the paint color or the lighting) right from the get-go. Know yourself.

Our agent said "oh, this is a starter home, you'll move up in 7 years or less"... some time in the previous millennium. Yeah. The mint green paint in the back bedroom is still mint green.

So have a drink for me. Creme de menthe would be appropriate.

[Brooke]

Have you ever priced kitchen cabinets? I understand wanting to not hate something about the house, especially considering how moving and closing on a house often uses up most of your savings. Apparently though the show is totally setup and the people have already bought their house. They just film them looking at other houses, possibly of friends, that may not even be for sale.

[v.]

What? Reality show is FAKE? Nooooooo! Says the girl who pretended painted a wall with a dry roller on trading spaces....

[Slim]

I get not wanting to remodel or even paint, but you can hire painters, so the people who spend an extra $10,000 ostensibly so they don't have to paint a wall or buy a new fridge need math help, STAT.

Drink when someone announces "I like that window" and notes that the window lets in light. Thanks!

[lisak]

Drink a shot when the 3,200 square foot, beautifully finished house with things like a mud room and double sinks in the master bath in another part of the country costs less than your humble 1400 sq ft ranch with a master 3/4 bath that is 1/4 the size of the walk in closet in the bigger home.

[enu]

Slim, here's what happens when we try to get work done:

First we procrastinate about it for a while, which can be... years. Then we try to figure out who to hire. This can get ugly as spouse always wants exhaustive proof that the potential company is the best possible choice. Then set up a time for them to take a look see and give an estimate (equals half day missed at work). They no-show/reschedule (equals another half day missed at work, plus another several days to weeks delay.) They show up, say, yeah, we can do this, we will send you a quote in a week. A week passes and no quote. I make several calls which go un-returned. Move on to next company on list and repeat. Give up and decide to live with it. The attempt at a 2nd bathroom (due to other family member's need) was similarly unsuccessful.

I have tried doing painting on several occasions DIY. It's always been a disaster. The first attempt was when I realized the fumes from paint caused my contact lenses to curl up and pop out... at a time when when my hands have paint on them. The second, third, fourth times were my attempts to repaint my porch. Hours and hours and hours, and spouse would come home and scrape it all off because it wasn't to his standards.

I should probably never have bought a home in the first place. But I did.

It's not about math, it's about huge inconvenience.

[Shannon]

My husband and I always laugh about "great for entertaining." I get that realtors want to plant a happy memory about a warm gathering with friends and loved ones. But unless you're, like, Hugh Hefner, what percentage of your time in your home is spent entertaining? I want a realtor to say, "And this window will provide a lovely view while you stand here and unload your dishwasher every day for the next 30 years."

[Brooke]

Ha, I didn't mean to imply it was a huge shock that a reality show was fake. But, what do you complain about in a house that really would be great (and possibly belongs to friends) but isn't for sale?

[Shoshana]

Moxie, I love you. I really do. You're the best.

[momto3]

Anthropomorphic dog! Hilarious and sadly, true.
The place I boarded my dog last summer for a week just sent me an email about a Sadie Hawkins "Dance" for dogs. Fur.Real.

[Stacy]

How about open a bottle when the show is taped in Canada? And have a drink when someone says "wash room" or "en suite"? (No offense to Canadians of course!)

Seriously, though, I don't know why I never get sick of these shows. And I miss Suzanne Whang.

[el-e-e]

I'm so glad the first comment mentioned
"open-concept." That's what I was going to add. Make me STABBY every time I hear it.

and @Enu, our "stepup" should have happened 4 years ago, and the master bath is still ugly off-white with a jewel-tone border near the celiing! Haha! You're not alone!

(Love/Hate those shows.)

[Zoë]

This is so true. I used to love this show, but once we put our house on the market, I couldn't watch it anymore because as fake as it is, I think it has really affected the mindset of many buyers. They move out of their parents home, expecting to move into one just like it. What they fail to realize is their parents worked for years to get that home. And it's fun to put some work into getting it how you want it.

When we bought our first house, it didn't need anything to be done. The sellers had just got it exactly how they wanted it, but had to move for family reasons. While it was great to not have to make improvements beyond redecorating (we had very little money), I didn't have much of an emotional investment in that house (except for the nursery), so it was easy to leave. With our second house, we bought it knowing we would need to buy new appliances, and redo the bathroom, amongst other things. Now we are moving in 3 weeks, I am a little heartbroken because of the time, effort and money we put into the house to make it ours (not to mention we won't get any of our money back).

Oh, and granite is so not "in" anymore.

[joann in NJ]

If I drank every time I saw a house that was like a mansion compared to our humble little home for way less money, I'd be a raging alchoholic! House Hunters, Trulia, Property Brothers, all addictive to a dark degree for me.

I can't wait to move! I've lived in my starter home (no more than 5 years!) for over 12 years now. 18 more months and we should be able to go (PLEASE GOD, PLEASE!) suffering with one small bathroom for me, kiddo and hubby (who doesn't notice anyone else's schedule) is killing me!

That being said - I want to do some dyi - I like doing things with my own hands, just not everything.

[Brooke]

I actually had the opposite problem re: money with House Hunters. Where do you find 20 somethings who can spend $400K on a house?! Why don't they ever show more reasonable price ranges? I clearly live in a cheap part of the country for home values, but it just seems so crazy. I suppose that all goes back to the point about looking at things out of their price range. Be reasonable about what you can afford and stick to that, people!

[Stacy]

We've lived in our small "starter home" for nearly 10 years now and don't plan on moving. It's cozy but it is enough for our small family of three. We utilize every square inch and it's relatively cheap to heat and easy to clean. We've done lots of renovations over the years to customize it to our tastes and needs. All that aside, sometimes I feel like I can't breathe because of the small rooms and kid clutter...

[Nevaeh]

Punk not dead young teens blog Ok, Now I know this is Diana Devoe in this vid, but I swear she has a twin who lives across the street from me. I'm gonna hafta invite that chick to come over and prove to me it's not her in this vid. She's sexy as hell!

[Karen]

Drink Once:

Couple is dismayed that they can't live walking distance to public transit in their price range.

What happened to Sandra? I watched her through both my maternity leaves!!!

[Anne]

Am I the only one who hates the expression "en suite"?

[Cori]

I love this game!

Drink once: When the buyers say,"We will HAVE TO update this kitchen/bathroom to bring it up to our standards."

Drink Twice: When buyers in some other part of the country buy some huge 4000 square foot house for the cost of a down payment on a house half that size where you live - and then complain about the color of the cabinets/countertops in their brand new gourmet kitchen.

[oliviacw]

Drink once: when the buyers complain that a kitchen easily four times the size of my tiny galley kitchen (in a 1971 ranch) is "so small" that they wouldn't be able to do any cooking in there.

Drink twice: when they complain that said kitchen with perfectly functional solid-wood cabinets, white appliances, and tile countertops is "so dated" that they would have to remodel before they could possibly move it.

[SarcastiCarrie]

Wait! Granite isn't "in." I've only had my new granite coutnertops for a week (exactly to the day). I didn't get them for the style...just so I could have an undermount sink. It's all I wanted in a kitchen remodel. The only thing I cared about.

And if you need a painter, I know a guy named Mike. The thing is...he doesn't have to be perfect...he just has to be (1) as good as I am and (b) actually get it done.

Here...take this test about the Vancouver BC housing bubble...it's called Crack Shack or Mansion: http://www.crackshackormansion.com/
and the sequel:
http://www.crackshackormansion.com/part2.html

[liz]

what does it say about me that I find your spam highly entertaining?

Big fan, Moxie. Big big fan. And this post is hilarious.

[nella]

LMAO!

I have such a love/hate relationship with House Hunters. I love seeing houses but the people, my god, the people. "I don't like the knobs on the cabinets" gee, that will only take 10 minutes to fix but to hell with it, I'm not buying the house with those ugly knobs!

[sadie]

Drink twice every time the buyers walk onto the terrace/patio/balcony/fire escape and say "I could have my morning coffee out here." (Once for them saying it, and once for the ONE TIME they will ever actually drink morning coffee on their terrace/patio/fire escape/balcony.)