Going in

Lately I've been in some kind of phase. And part of that phase is that I've been going deep with my children.

You know how there are those days, weeks, months, when you're holding things together, getting things done, checking homework and making meals and giving hugs and making sure everyone's got what they need? Now is not that time for me. Everything we do feels deliberate. Chosen. It feels like the conversations are happening in slo-mo. I am reaching in to feel what they feel and know who they are in this minute and what they need from me now, right now.

I don't know where the time is coming from, to have this slowness and depth, because we're still going on as usual with school and homework (for all three of us) and everything else. I didn't do this deliberately, either. I just realized one day that I'd been spending a huge amount of time staring into my kids' eyes and holding their hearts in mine.

I wonder if this is happening now so we can all store this up, before the older one rushes headlong into middle school and leaves us--me--behind. Or maybe it's just happening because it was time. My still-little people and I want each other.

Comments

[Nicky]

Good for you! I try to make time to stop and just LISTEN to my 5 and 3 year old boys, but it doesn't always happen. I'm sure your children will appreciate this time with you.

[Tara]

What a heart-warming post. Perfect definition of a center-based strategy where the center is a relationship with your kids. Inspiring.

[Celeste]

I was just talking to someone last month about how it can feel like a little love affair, being close with kids.

[Gretchen]

Right now we are just holding it together. Not in a bad way, just in a that is a reality way. Good to know that this too will pass.

[Jan]

Maybe they are finally getting to an age where you enjoy them. As people. This is a GOOD thing, mama. You've had so many years of jobs you haven't liked -- this is your payoff. Enjoy it!

[Cathy]

I've been kind of soaking in my older daughter's state lately (she's 10). Taking a look and seeing the young lady/big kid that she's becoming. Really enjoying talking to her. Also, trying to take mental snapshots of ordinary days to save for later. She's smart and beautiful and strong and nice and it's wonderful.

My younger daughter is 5 now and I have been realizing recently that she is not "little" anymore. She's teaching herself addition and to tell time and how to use the house phone to leave long and rambly messages on my cell phone.

[snickollet]

I love this. What a wonderful realization.

[JudyB]

I have been intentionally trying to connect more and make sure DS feels that connection- hoping that will make him secure enough to face his days at preschool.

I've also been in this "enjoy it while I can" mode. The 4.5 year old still will run around in his birthday suit, snuggle on the couch, let me cradle him in my arms...all the things I know will slowly fade. Hopefully very slowly.

Although...hubby had a penchant for streaking and skinny dipping through and past his teens, so maybe that won't fade away.

[Heather]

My 15-month-old is making me feel like I'm constantly two steps behind. Nice to know there's a chance I won't feel like this forever.

[juliag]

I found that the book "Seven Times the Sun" can help nudge me back when I get to where I feel like I'm treading water. Some line in it, that I can't seem to find now, was like a lightbulb for me. I feel like the message I got was 'things get done in about the same amount of time, whether you yell or sing, whether you rush or slow down'.

[Kbnxvilj]

Other amount kds pedo dark who is the light skinned girl in this video? i've seen her in a few other things but don't know her name. does anyone know the name of this video?

[Sherry]

Ooh, I might need to read Seven Times the Sun. Way to go, Moxie. I love the "connected" times with my 5 year old, and I hope to have more in the coming years. This conversation reminds me of an Alabama song that used to speak to me (still would if I ever listened to music): "I'm in a hurry to get things done. Oh I rush and rush until life's no fun. All I've got to do is live and die, but I'm in a hurry and don't know why."