Thoughts on common names?

A friend just had a baby boy, and the name they love for him is very common right now. They're hesitant to give him that name because it's so common, even though they love it.

Thoughts?

I myself love having an uncommon name. (And a big story with my name.) But my boys both have common names. (One was extremely common until recently, and one is still very common.) If I'd had a girl, my girl names were all less common than the names my boys have.

I tend to feel like unusual names are easier for girls to carry than for boys to carry (at least here in the US), so a boy with a common name may not notice as much as a girl would.

I'd love to hear from people with common and uncommon names, and what you decided to give your kids. And why. Anyone?

Comments

[Cameron]

My parents gave me an uncommon name (Anna) with an even more uncommon pronunciation (AH-na) because it was an ancestor's and they thought it wouldn't get playground nicknames. Lucky me, I also had a very ethnic last name. Needless to say, I used the more common pronunciation until college. It also helped marrying a boy with a super common last name!

Our daughter's name is Grace, for the biblical connection. It's rather common for her age group (she's 3), but I didn't want to change it.

[Leah]

I think first off, any name you love will become the name of the kid and it'll take on context of that kid just because it's his own personality carrying the name.

But in terms of commonality, I have gotten a TON of perspective from both Swistle's baby name site and also here. http://www.babynamewizard.com/

My personal takeaway is that I agree that boy names can be a bit more classic-common. Stuff like Matthew and Michael is pretty timeless and it's not going to be odd if there's another kid or two in his class with that name. Where I have personal issues (though this could be different for everyone, for me it's just personal preference!) is with names that are SUDDENLY popular. So if you go to the baby name wizard and search the name and it's basically nonexistent until 5 years ago, you run the risk of the kid's name being very dated. To use an example from our generation, if you meet a man named Jason or a woman named Jennifer, you can pretty much peg their age within about an 8 year span most of the time. I'm not huge on my kids being that date-able. But does it matter? Honestly, not really. Hence, personal preference.

[Amanda]

We have a challenging last name, so we went with common/easy first names for our boys. If we'd had an easy last name, I might have been more adventurous with the first names. But since they will be spelling and correcting the last name their whole lives, the least we could do was make their first names easy.

[hush]

I second @Leah's suggestion to check out Laura Wattenberg's The Baby Name Wizard site to find out exactly where any given name is in terms of commonality:

http://www.babynamewizard.com/

Sometimes there are local name trends one can never predict. I never would have guessed there would be two girls named Clara and two boys named Grey in my kids' preschool class of 30 kids. The two Claires and two Olivias were a bit more predictable though. (All are great names by the way!) A boy around here is way more likely to be named something like Kayden, Braden, or some other name that ends in a letter n. Delivery room nurses are a great source for local name trend advice.

[Laura]

My son's name is John, which has got to be the gold standard for common names. But, because it's also a classic name I never feel like it's a problem. He's 11 now, and has always liked his name. (And, a lot of Johns go by Jack these days, so that helps it be a bit less common than it might otherwise be!)

Also, we named him with the expectation that he would encounter other Johns throughout his life. I wonder if that helps some. I think the parents who thought they were choosing an unusual name are less happy about having their kids share names with classmates. There were two Grahams in John's preschool class, and the parents were not amused. Ironically, ours was the only John!

[Ashley]

I have a very common name. It was consistently a top-5 name in the country when I was growing up, so for years I had to be "Ashley D." in all of my classes. Honestly, I disliked having such a common name and was envious of girls with more unusual names.
Now that I'm an adult, though, I've embraced my name. I do like the sound and feel of it, when I look at it objectively. And it helps that now that I am out of that school/college bubble in which you pretty much only interact with your same-aged peers, I actually don't encounter many other Ashleys on a daily basis. In all of my various social circles now (work, exercise class, mom's group, husband's coworkers, etc.) I am the only Ashley. The only thing that slightly bugs me about it now is that I feel like it "date-stamps" me, if that makes sense. I feel like when I am in contact with someone via e-mail or another way in which they are only seeing my name, anyone who has paid even the slightest bit of attention to name trends can assume that I am going to be relatively young. (In fact, I bet my name pegs me as younger than I actually am, since I was born at the very beginning of the Ashley craze and it peaked about ten years after I was born). In my profession, I worry that the perception that I am young could be a disadvantage.

So, that's my take on the popular name thing. Overall, it's not that big of a deal, especially now that I'm older. I imagine it would matter less to a guy, too, but who knows. I'd say if they really, really love the name more than any other they should use it.
I did read somewhere that names are much more diverse now, so even the most popular #1 name this year will have less children being given that name than, like, the #25 name when I was a kid (so, there will probably never again be a crazy Jennifer boom like there was in the 80s).

For the record, I tried to give my son a relatively unusual name, but of course everyone else in the country was obviously going, "Hey, you know what name you never hear...?" His name is shooting up the popularity charts. It's still relatively uncommon where I am, but my mom sent me a newspaper clipping from her city showing that it was the #7 name there last year. Oh well, I tried!

[Mavis (nom de plume)]

Naming is one of the many areas of Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don't parenting. I'm inclined to tell people to follow their hearts WRT naming (after the usual due diligence of making sure it fits with last names, that initials don't spell anything embarrassing and avoiding obvious playground taunt magnets) and then letting it go. Some people like to split the difference and pair common names with uncommon ones, i.e. John [more unusual middle name] [hard to pronounce last name].

I have a very uncommon name - it was uncommon when my great-grandparents chose it for one of their sons, even more uncommon when my parents chose it for me (female) and still uncommon today. My boys have unisex names that (we think) nicely walk the fine line between unique but not unrecognizable. The girl name we had is also unisex and was really popular about ten years ago for girls but not as common now.

When you're naming a kid, you have no idea what kind of personality s/he'll have, so you don't know if s/he'll be the type that can pull off even the weirdest names (see: Zappa children) or be mortified and counting the days till adulthood and the ability to legally change it. The good news is most people fall somewhere in the middle of those extremes. :)

It's all i know but i really didn't care for this name growing up as i was a kid who just wanted to blend in with the six Jennifers in my class. (My dream name in first grade was Heather Dawn.) I gradually became at peace with it, though, and started focusing on the benefits of a unique name. I could do without the constant repeating and spelling and having people get it wrong multiple times but, what are you gonna do? I don't take it personally and it's often a good conversation starter. I'm sure if i *had* been named Heather Dawn, i'd have complained about that because "everyone is named Heather!!!"

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

[Pam]

The most popular names are not nearly as common nowadays as they used to be -- the #1 names in 2011 were only given to about 1% of babies born that year, whereas the #1 names in 1950 were given to 4 1/2 % of babies. So, they may run into a few other kids with that name, but probably not a whole bunch. I think your friends should go with the name they love, popular or not.

[electriclady]

One thing I noticed while trying to come up with a name for our boy is that there is generally a lot more variation in girl names. For example, the 20th most popular boy name in 2011 (Logan) had almost 13,000 babies with that name, while the 20th most popular girl name that year (Aubrey) had only 7,100. So I think the experience of having someone else with your name is more common for boys than for girls.

My daughter and son both have names that are very simple/classic, but uncommon these days. That was definitely intentional. I know many people with my exact first and last name (both my first and last name are very common in my ethnic background) so I didn't want that for either of my kids. Their last name is also very uncommon so I think they're safe.

[Heather]

He's got a historical name that is one of many things that naturally shortens into a very common name from the 70s. The long version I've never seen used before and shortened version is actually odd within in age group.

He does fine and it fits him well enough so far.

[Cordy]

I feel like there's a big difference between "common" and "trendy". A name like Aiden(Aidan/etc.) skyrocketed to popularity nearly overnight, so if you name your baby boy Aiden in 2013, you're going to be part of a distinct trend group.

http://www.babynamewizard.com/voyager#prefix=ai&ms=true&sw=m&exact=false

On the other hand, a name like William is also very common, but has a much flatter popularity trajectory:

http://www.babynamewizard.com/voyager#prefix=william&ms=true&sw=m&exact=false

I'd agree that legitimately uncommon (not in the top 1000) names are easier for girls to pull off than for boys. I also feel like (this is just my taste) it's good to be careful that when giving an uncommon name you aren't heading deep into My Name Is Pabst territory (http://www.mynameispabst.com/post/42023412182/hello-my-name-is-zero-some-people-call-me-zero). For my money, there's a huge difference between a rarely-used traditional name like Magda (which I love) and an uncommon name that is uncommon because it can be exactly pinpointed in space and time to fashionable suburban Texas circa 2013 (or whatever your demographic is). And since we're all subject to the same cultural forces, it's hard to know in advance if you're going to wind up being the vanguard of a huge swell of little Zeros, you know?

Maybe common vs. trendy doesn't matter to the new parents, but if it does, I'd definitely look at the trend graphs and see how much of a spike there is! And congratulations to your friends. :)

[MLB]

I like the distinction people have made between "common" and "classic". I think another way to think about it is trendy which baby name wizard helps with. My daughter has a fairly unusual name (Spanish) but our sons have "classic" names that have Also recently been popular. This was because they were the names we could agree on :). Their names are Alexander and Theodore and we knew they wouldn't be the only ones ever in their class but felt they held up over the long haul. I also read somewhere a million years ago that boys did better with "non-unique" names but I may be using that to justify our decision. As I said we agreed on them so that ended up being most important. :)

[Regina W]

I think the important thing is to go with a name you love.

I have an uncommon name but everyone has seen it here or there (it's has religious significance) so it doesn't seem strange. I like that.

For our children, we went with names that aren't super popular but also aren't super strange. They're names everyone has heard and can pronounce but it's unlikely they'll have another kid in their class with the name.

[Doris]

Word of wisdom -- do not put the name you plan to call the child in the middle. This will only mess up school permanently, not to mention medical records (that want to be consistent with insurance records) and so on. Son has a very common middle name that everyone knows him by and moderately common first name no one uses. PITA.

[JuliaC]

My two little ones have quite uncommon names, and we did that deliberately (to the point of crossing names that we liked off our list if they featured in the top 100 here in Oz). Mr 3 was named Bede Henry after the 8th Century British Historian, and after King Henry VIII because I studied them in my degree and fell in love with the names. Miss 1 was named Tabitha Judith after one of the prominent women in the early church (mentioned in Acts), and after my grandmother.
They are not common names, but we like them, and I can't imagine my kiddies with different names, and hopefully they will grow to love their names as much as we do!

[Katie]

My daughter has the same hyphenated last name as both her father and I, so she was going to have to spell her last name regardless, and she'll be the only one of very few with that last name (current count: 3 people, 2 cats). That said, we named her what we wanted, and its commonness wasn't really a factor. I think that the boy name we had picked out was more popular (though not popular by any stretch) and commonness wasn't really a factor there. So my daughter has a name that was only given to 8 girls in the United States the year she was born, and about that many with a slight increase in the years since (I think I checked for 2011 and it was 14.).

Weirdly, actress who plays the little girl on Mad Men has the same first name (which I didn't know at the time I named my baby). I do wonder occasionally if there will be more little girls with her name in the future, but I think that if it didn't happen before now, it's not happening.

[Laura]

Both our girls pretty much named themselves in an esoteric kind of way. We just had a feel for it, and totally agreed without any bickering.

Number one has a first and middle name that were definitely high on the trend in her birth year (and surrounding years), but it's a classic, not trendy name, so I don't really mind. Number two has a classic and slightly less usual name. She was named after my husband's brother (the feminine form) and sister, so again, no big deal.

Now we are trying to figure out what this new baby boy's name is, and I'll be damned if NOTHING *we* like seems to click with this baby in utero!

I definitely think boy names are harder to pinpoint. There seem to be fewer options, honestly. Plus, so many girls have co-opted boy names and even the unisex names, that it's even slimmer pickings now!

[Amy in NC]

As an Amy who had no less than 2 other Amys in each class and up to 5 other Amys in a class, please think hard about using the common name. If it's a really trendy name, maybe there is some similar but just different enough that it's not going to be too common. Or find an name that has the same meaning (meanings are very important to me). I have picked out names for my future children that are not so common that there should be too many others with it and normal enough that they won't get teased.

However, I will say this:

If the name is from a family member, use it.
If you absolutely love the name, use it.

[Anonymous]

It seems like everyone I know is having babies right now, and they're all named Jack Henry and Ava Grace.

I gave my own daughter an uncommon name because I hated being one of multiple My Names in a class, but that's kind of a frivolous concern. I feel bad for all the kids I see these days with "creative" spellings of common names; as I see it, that doesn't make the name any more special, it just dooms the kid to a lifetime of having to spell his or her name for anyone who needs to write it down. I think if you're going to go for a name that you expect lots of other kids to have, you might as well just spell it the regular way and make it easier on the kid.

That said, I would never ever actually say any of that to my friends who've named their kids Ayva, Jaysen, Carsyn, Aidyn, and all the other weird spellings I'm forgetting!

[Remy @MLISunderstanding]

Having an unusual name (I know a scant handful of other Remys now -- two were in my school district, and both female -- but I am the only one with my last name), and planning to hyphenate my last name with my partner's for our future children, I've thought about this a lot. My solution so far is to give each of them a RECOGNIZABLE first name spelled traditionally (perhaps it'll be common, but the ones I have in mind are more classic than trendy) and a middle name that is short and could be used as a last name. That way, if grownup Firstname MamaLast-MamiLast gets sick of dragging around the whole thing at work, on stage, to writers' conferences, etc., there's the option of Firstname Middlename. And if he or she wants to use it all (on a medical school diploma, for example, or to be inaugurated), that's fine, too!

[vanessa]

obviously you should ask Swistle:
swistlebabynames.blogspot.com

specifically:
http://swistlebabynames.blogspot.com/2008/05/even-top-10-is-not-necessarily-kiss-of.html

http://swistlebabynames.blogspot.com/2008/05/top-100-is-not-necessarily-kiss-of.html

but really just read her archives.

[Sharon]

I have one kid with a name that was very common when he was born, and two with names that were uncommon when they were born. I say "when they were born", because this can change very quickly. Ironically, my son Andrew saw his name decline in popularity (not too drastically, but it was #1), and has never encountered another Andrew in his class. My daughter Lucy, on the other hand, saw her name rise dramatically in popularity, and has twice had to use her last initial to differentiate her from another Lucy.

We strongly considered naming Andrew Liam, which at the time was very unusual. Needless to say, we've met an awful lot of little Liams since then. I don't regret choosing Andrew, because I still love it, and as a bonus it's not nearly as popular as I'd feared.

I agree with the poster above: if you absolutely love a name, use it.

[A]

My son and daughter have names that are not in the top 100. Why? Well my name is Amy and I was born in the early 70's. I was called #3 since the teacher was too lazy to call us by our names so he just assigned all the Amys a number. It was humiliating.

[Jill]

I think you should name your baby a name you like and not worry about it.

And for boys, especially, I like common/classic names. I get more annoyed at names that are super popular and trendy and you know will be dated in 10 years.

What I really really really really can't get behind are common/classic names that you just spell in a stupid way to be "unique". Pick a unique name if you want. But don't just misspell a name in an effort to be unusual. It's nto unusual. It just looks desperate. :)

One of my sons is named Ben. And yeah, we run into a lot of Bens. It's not a big deal. I like Ben. It's a good solid name. IT fits him.

Anyway, I have no problem with a name that you're going to run into again. I'd rather have a dozen Bens than a name that no one can spell or pronounce.

[Blanche]

The only name we could agree on for our daughter is gender neutral and turned out to be much more popular (with multiple non-traditional spellings for girls) than we realized. If it does become an issue, I can see her going by her middle name which is much less popular.

My given name (not Blanche) is very traditional but seems to be spelled one way in the north and one way in the south (one end letter difference) so that was an annoyance especially as a kid when all the pre-personalized name items seemed to be spelled the wrong way.

My husband's name is very unusual & biblical (and for some reason the family used it for 4 generations) & he does not use it. He goes by a nickname which there doesn't seem to be a clear story on how he acquired.

[Jill]

I like common first names and uncommon middle names.

[Nicky]

There are two Caden's in my son's kindergarten class of 21. Also a Deja and DeAsia. Personally, I have a fairly common name for my era (Nicole) and really didn't appreciate having three of my name in my grade. There is a fine line between super common and super odd. We named our sons Colin and Connor, fairly normal names but not in the top ten most common. But, the parents will love their kids name whatever it is, so if they love the nu ber one boy name, go for it.

[Manda]

My name was #1 on the social security list in the year I was born!! And while I ran into a few other Amandas while I was a kid, it is rare that I meet one as an adult (although I know -obviously- there are women out there my age with the same name. Lots of them!). So? I say name the kid what you want! There are a lot of people in this world. :)

[sarah]

i have a very common name, which meant that i was constantly in classes with other girls who had my name throughout school. while i love my name, i also wouldn't have minded not having to deal with the confusion of so many others.

we wanted to give our sons less common names, but we really aren't in favor of super trendy or made up names. Instead we tried to go more historical--names that were popular at one time, but are less popular now. so we ended up with an oscar and an archie (short for archer). they're names that you don't hear every day, but that are still familiar. (although i think they're probably rising in popularity as we speak, which is how it always seems to work.) it's amazing how many people say 'that's my grandfather's name!' when we tell them one of our kids' names. they seem to have pleasant associations like that, so we've been happy with our decisions.

that being said, we also love henry, which is more popular, and if i had another kid i wouldn't hesitate to go with that...

[Courtney]

I was fairly concerned about it, when choosing names, but in the years since I have conlcuded that "common" names currently are *way* less common that common names 50 years ago. The baby name wizard blog talks about this a bunch. So I don't think you are necessarily going to have 5 other kids in the class with the same name. That said, we chose a name which is statistically not very common (classic, familiar, but not in the top 200 at the time) and we know at least 4 other children her age with the same name. So I think when you try really hard to pick something that sounds fresh to you, you are unlikely to be the only one with that idea. And that the "common-ness" is maybe different within certain groups and regions of the country. *Also* as an adult, it is probably better to have a name which seems "normal" (boring) than one that is super unique and weird. You are probably more likely to be taken seriously at work, for better or worse.

[anonny]

It is so hard to assure that a name will be uncommon - there is a zeitgeist out there.

Both of my children have names that I have loved since childhood. I had never met or heard of a single living person with either of these names (very, very old-fashioned names - you would have heard of them historically - like early 19th century). And I kid you not, I know 6-7 children more-or-less their age with each of their names in my town alone. Even another set of siblings with these exact names!

Fortunately, I didn't care about the uniqueness, so I love to meet other kids with their names.

But it goes to show you that it is a dicey business to get attached to the idea of an unusual name.

[Anon]

I'm not into the trendy names craze. But also didn't want to saddle my kids with names that identify them as having been born out here in California to crazy hippies (as much as I love how many of my friends have gone that route and have lovely kids with fabulous names). DH and I have very common names, classic names though they may be. We also have a ridiculously common last name. Our kids get classic but uncommon first names and awesome California hippie middle names :)

Both parents agreeing on a name is, of course, the most important factor. Otherwise, your kid remains "Baby Last Name" until age 18. Terrible.

[Reb]

I am another child of the 80s who was one of multiple Rebeccas in pretty much every grade. (Beginning of each year we had to divvy up who would be Becky/Becca/Rebecca)
I wanted my kids to have more uncommon names. When my husband and I were dating in the 90s we heard/saw the name Mckenna and said 'if we ever have kids together...' Well come 2002 our daughter was born and we happily named her Mckenna (with a fourth generation middle name) I come to find out that it has become a crazy popular name! But we loved it and she loves it and she's actually never had another Mckenna in her class (or school I don't think). Our son is a Junior so there was pretty much no thought involved there, but his name is fairly uncommon and I love it and it's a family name going back generations.
So basically, go with the name you love!

[Lisa]

One more vote for Baby Name Wizard and the Social Security lists.

My experience: I was one of SIX Lisas in my kindergarten class (yes, it was the most common girl's name in 1968). I hated that. The name itself is fine aesthetically, but because it was SO common, I never felt very attached to it - it felt somewhat generic; it also meant I was always "Lisa G." Ugh. The disconnect between feeling unique (OK, feeling like a changeling) and having a name like that wasn't fun. (Now that I'm an adult I'm more OK with it, but I'll never love my name.)

When it came time to name our son, we ruled out the 200 or so most common. I'm an Ashkenazi Jew, so tradition ruled out naming after those still living. And we wanted any name we chose to be relatively easy for the kid, and others, to spell/pronounce. We ended up choosing a name that fit these criteria and worked with his (very Jewish) middle name and (very WASPy) last name - last popular in the 1910s, now at #1000 or so. Waited 4 days to make sure it fit him, and somehow it just did.

Luckily, T. (now 7) loves his name, and loves being the only one he knows with it. It suits him perfectly.

[Lisa]

I should add that my mother, who has a beautiful, slightly unusual first name, spent much of her childhood wishing she were named Susan. So it may be a case of the pendulum swinging back and forth...

[Clare]

My name was uncommon the year I was born, and my parents picked a less common but still traditional way to spell it. The more common spelling has recently come into fashion for babies now, so I always do a double take when I hear my name (Clare/Claire for those of you who are curious). I am constantly spelling it, which is annoying but manageable. My husband has a name which was uncommon when he was born, but is now popular with parents (B3njamin).

Our kids have what we thought were unusual but not off-the-wall names, but it turns out our older son's name is much more popular than we thought. And I don't care at all. It's a classic name, and I love it. So I say go for it. You love it, and you're not alone.

[Niki]

Remy, the mom across the street from us, a kimdergartener at daycare, and a toddler in dance class are all called Remi/Remy, and we met another girl with that name somewhere recently. It is one of the most common names in my daughter's little world. You never know!

We named our daughter Penelope. The nurse on duty after delivery said she hadn't had a Penelope in 10 years. Hourd later, the hospital lactation consultant said ours was her second Penelope that week. You never know.

[kristin]

i have a common name. and oddly, i gave my daughter a common name even though i thought i wouldn't. isabelle was just a childhood favorite (not a common name back then) that always stayed with me.

[Myla]

I agree with many of the comments to the effect that it is a fool's errand to try to pick a name that will definitely be unique. You simply can't control that (unless you go the MJ Blanket route) and honestly I think it often comes from a somewhat pretentious place of trying to do something super cool that no one else is doing. If you truly love the name on its own merits you will communicate that to your kid and they will feel good about themselves.

I have a very unusual name that is only now becoming known because a celebrity used it for her daughter. It is unused and often misread as a boy's name and that hugged me growing up. I also didn't like that no one could spell it.

For my first son we went with an uncommon but recognizable and easy to spell name. For the second son we went with one that is more common and also easy to spell. Both have nice short versions so I like that as they get older they have built in options. Both have the same middle name (mine) which inthink is unusual but I hope won't bother them. I like that me and the boys all have the same middle name and the boys and my husband have the same last name. But I digress...

[Myla]

Oh autocorrect - I meant to say it bugged me, not hugged me! But hugged me is more fun anyway.

[Bo]

I really hated being a Debbie born in 1955 (Debbie Reynolds). It seemed everyone in my class was Debbie or Susan. I wouldn't necessarily want an "odd" name, but a less-popular and yet common name would be nice. I have heard that giving a child a first and middle name with many options they can use to try on as they grow and may want to play with their own identity is a good thing. I certainly have done that and am generally Deborah or Bo (never Deb or Debbie).

[Anon]

That's a tough one. My own two cents- I definitely prefer an uncommon name. I grew up with both a first and last name that were uncommon, hard to spell and frequently mispronounced. I did go through a phase when I desperately wanted to change my name to "Jill" but as an adult, I love my name. And am often complemented on it.

With our two daughters, we chose Lucy for the first, which I like and totally suits her but it is WAY more common than I like (as in, there are 3 at her school of 45 kids) and I would probably seriously reconsider using this name if I could do it over. My second daughter has a more unusual name and she (and we) still love it. I'm often sad that my Lucy is so used to being one of many. But of course, if you really love a name, then go for it...

[ML]

I have a somewhat uncommon name (which rises and falls in popularity on another Anglo-Saxon continent) which I disliked when I was a kid since it seemed like an "old lady" name. Now that I'm an adult, I like not running into other women with the same name. (And I suspect I was born to be an old lady.)

I named my daughter an equally (if not more) old lady name, which is recognizable as a name but pretty uncommon (and I suspect will not see an uptick anytime soon since it really is an old lady name) because my husband liked the Greek root ("good"). My son has a slightly more common but still not top 100 name because my husband and I like the Latin root of "happy" (also an old man name). His name is probably due for a revival however. My other son has a name that's medium common in Latin countries but less common in English-speaking countries--I had loved Rafe as a name (mostly to do with a secondary character in Wolf Hall) but my husband was bothered by the meaning he had dug up: "wolfish cunning" (which is ironic in the book). I thought, Well, it takes all kinds... (As you can tell, my husband and I are meaning people.)

But yes, boys have a harder time with unusual names (if I'd had a son when I was a teenager, I would have named him River). My daughter's middle name is something very unusual she can use if she doesn't like her first name.

[Anon this time]

Use a name you love. You never know where in the world they will end up or who will be there with them. Who would guess that my son's class would have two Becketts but one Joe? And there are Nat, 3 Nates, 1 Nathan, and 1 Nathaniel. 2nd grade has multiple Noahs; first has none.
Pick what you love and it will work itself out. Good luck!

[Anon this time]

PS @ Lisa, above: I too am a 1968 baby and ALWAYS wished I were named Lisa! I have a very unusual name, and I grew in to it eventually, but my parents were not thinking clearly about the "what rhymes with" question when they picked my name.

Also: strangely, my husband and I both go by our middle names, a decision that happened long before we were born. My story was that my parents decided my middle name sounded better for a baby, and it just stuck; his was that he was named for his father in that they had the same first name and same initials, but different middle names to lessen confusion. It lessens it in the family but is a pain when, say, trying to remember at the vet's whether we gave the name we use or the name on the credit card for the files. Both our kids go by their first names.

[Kerry]

I have the odd experience of having a popular name that was only really locally popular. My parents thought they were picking something unique, but it became popular just after I was born. (Kerry; Boston-area; mid 70s). It irritated me to be one of many, but it wasn't awful. It's pretty fun, now that I live in a completely different area, to suddenly have an exotic, even male name. I think I wanted to be named Dierdra.... I'm sure whatever name I had, at that point I would have wanted something different.

My son's name came to me in a dream, and I knew it was right. However, I was glad that it was both classic and not currently popular. I don't think we've met another kid named Stephen, but we've run into plenty of men across a range of ages (as well as several author and illustrator listings), and it seems to link his sense of self more firmly to our cultural history. Or maybe that's just my imagination.

In any case, while I have certain things I want in a name for my kids, I feel that it's a very personal decision, and not really anyone else's business.

[Charisse]

I was named a fairly classic name (Cynthia) with a nickname that never suited me and I felt wrong my whole childhood. After a brief flirtation with the whole name, I settled on Cyd at 14. (Hence the handle.) It's quite unusual in not being short for some version of Sydney or Cydney (never had any idea those would become popular for girls!) and I love that, even though I often have to spell it for people. Mr. C is one of those many, many early 70s Jasons and it annoyed the heck out of him having such a popular name. He has an unusual middle name, but he doesn't like it. His last name, which we gave Mouse, is also a first name, so it had to be something that was clearly a first name. I had always thought I would name a daughter Sophia, but with it being in the top 10 for popularity for the last couple decades, there was no way. Mouse has the same name as the Hepburn with the less usual name; we run into a few others, but it's never cracked the top 50 and yet most people know how to spell it, so we're happy with that.

[Bree]

We did not want common names, but we wanted strong names. We chose well and think our kids will live up to their names. This is a great topic thanks!

[Southern Dad]

A lot of parents today choose short-sighted and unfortunate names for their kids.

The uncomfortable truth is that children's names tend to reveal the social class they were born into, and they do so most strongly and indelibly when their parents tried to get cute with the names. This has consequences for the kids.

Like it or not, you better believe that in a decade or two Aiden, Brayden, Addyson, Colton, etc., etc. are going to find their names cause the corners of some mouths to crinkle in amusement when their resume is being read by a top college, law firm, media company, investment bank, or the like. Whether that's fair is arguable, but it is what it is, like the reality of social class generally.

Your child's name is like their best suit; they have to appear in it on all important occasions. This is a reason to lean strongly toward what people in this thread are calling classic names. At a minimum, please give them a classic middle name so they have the option to switch to that as adults when they are endeavoring to rise professionally.

Here, for perspective, are the first names of the current members of the U.S. Supreme Court: John, Anthony, Antonin (= Anthony), Clarence, Ruth, Stephen, Samuel, Sonia, and Elena.

Our splintering into a bazillion different novelty baby names -- with increasingly arbitrary, made-up orthographies -- seems to reflect the disintegration of culture and historical consciousness, and is poignant for that reason. It suggests a rootlessness that is equally suburban, urban, and rural.

The idea that your child won't be seen as individual if others have the same name has always been weird to me. *Of course* she will be entirely different from any other Maria or Rachel (and all the established cognates of classic names in other languages) who ever lived! We should have the confidence, in ourselves and our kids, to take that for granted.

(BTW none of this is a specifically WASP or NW European point; Juan is obviously a classic name, as is Omar.)

Seeing how one Joseph differs from another, and he from yet another, and they from famous Josephs of history, enriches the name, rather than reducing its significance. That's culture.

[paola]

I have an ethnic name (see below) that was uncommon, and hard to pronounce CORRECTLY, back in the 70's and 80's when I was growing up in an area of Australia with little or no European immigration. It caused me all manner of distress as teachers, peers and even relatives mispronounced and even mocked it. I ended up changing the spelling and pronunciation to the anglisised version in my last year of high school, which I regret not having done earlier as it made my life so much easier.

When I moved to Italy 13 years ago, I switched back to the original spelling and pronunciation, but am now back to square one as I live in UK where people still mispronounce it. Would go back to the anglisised spelling if my name weren't in my email address.

My Italian children were given English (common) names, that were considered unusual in Italy, but fortunately, not difficult to pronounce. Lots of immigration now in Italy, so the names are two of many foreign sounding names in classrooms and piazze. Now we are temporarily living in the UK, their names are a dime a dozen and it is nice not to have to explain the meaning of the name or who the saint is (Italian priests are obsessed with attributing a name to a saint).