I'm turning 40 on February 26.
I have not been happy about that, at all.
I'm not sure exactly why it bothers me so much, but it does, and I've spent the last year trying to outrun it and out strength train it (I take barre classes a few times a week and am developing some good muscle) and make myself into a better person and I still don't want to turn 40.
A couple of days ago my ex-husband and I were talking about the calendar for the next few months and he asked me what I was doing for my birthday and did I want him to take the kids that night or did I want the kids with me. And I totally went all Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally" on him. "I don't want to turn foooooorteeeee..." I said.
He blinked at me. "Why not?"
"Because it's foooooorteeeee," I moaned.
"Look, I've been 40 for eight years now, and it's kind of fun," he offered, like he was trying to talk down a jumper.
"But you're a maaaaaaan. Men don't care about turning foooooooorteeeee." And that's when he changed the subject to where our younger son's gloves could be.
So I was carefully avoiding it while simultaneously obsessing about it silently, and was working along on the 2013 Incredible Year Workbook and feeling excited about my year and then I got to this page:
And I did not want.
But then I took in a deep breath, and thought about it, and realized I needed to just suck it up and find a way to get ok with turning 40, and with being 40. And I said this to some people, and they all agreed that yes, I need to deal. So the way I'm going to deal is by doing 40 Fun Things, one every day, starting January 17 and ending February 25 to end off my fortieth year of life and transition me gently into my 40th birthday.
The first weekend of that time period I'll be on a mini-vacation with my friends from college (no kids, no partners), so I've got those four days covered for fun. But I still need 36 other things! (You can see that the page is still blank. No things written down yet.)
I can't afford to do expensive fun things, and I'm not looking for something deep and meaningful every day, and they don't have to be new (although it would be good if some of them were new, probably). But I'm taking all suggestions here in the comments. So lay some fun things on me, please!
roller skating!
Posted by: Christi | January 05, 2013 at 10:56 AM
Retail therapy (I'd limit this to just one of the forty though), within your means--buy something for yourself just for the heck of it, because it's something you *want* not *need*.
(This is also my first comment on your site, but I've been lurking for at least a month now. Hello! :) )
Posted by: Donna Witek | January 05, 2013 at 11:19 AM
Go see the hilarious Leslie Mann/Paul Rudd movie "This is 40."
Posted by: hush | January 05, 2013 at 11:22 AM
Pay for a new e book (if you are into those).
Make coffee or wine plans with a friend every week.
Super Bowl party? Just for fun even if you aren't into football.
Have your kids each pick a fun new thing to do together.
Pedicure/ manicure
Ice cream sundae Sunday
Go to a UM women's hockey game.
Go see something at The Ark.
Try a new restaurant in A2.
Ok, some of these are things I want to do in Ann Arbor! I'm in EL.
:) I will have to come back to this in 2.5 years when I'm in the same place.
Posted by: Sarah | January 05, 2013 at 11:32 AM
Ha-ha! I was going to say roller-skating, too. Probably because Zoot recently went ice-skating, and apparently had a blast. I'm 10 weeks out from a total hip replacement, so while the idea sounds like fun, I'm a little wary of doing things where I might fall; walking a dog at night is about as risky as I feel like getting.
You could make Kahlua. It takes several weeks (3? 6? I forget), so make that one of the earlier things you do and you can enjoy some on your birthday! Then there's things like making soap, beer, wine...
I'm 54 so 40 is no big deal anymore, but I remember being excited about 40, and being surprised with a little party -- just drinks at a bar after work, but it was special because it was for me, and friends put some thought into it (and there were gag gifts).
A lot of things that would be fun or unusual for me, like going to a museum, are probably things you already do. Likewise, things I routinely enjoy might be new (and maybe even exciting?) to you. Then there's the weather to consider; I like outdoorsy stuff, but kayaking, hiking, maybe even bicycle-riding (something I haven't done in years) are probably out of the question in January-February in Michigan. Cold weather doesn't stop some people; as long as you have the right clothes -- so if ice-climbing, snowmobiling, cross-country skiing, or snow-shoeing are appealing, go for it!
Do you enjoy swimming? Yoga? Zumba? I know you T-Tapp, or I'd suggest that (your recommendation of a Deep Discount Tuesday offer almost 5 years ago got me into it).
Any new recipes you'd like to try -- or is "cooking something new" too mundane? There are all kinds of things you could make that you might normally buy, that might be fun, healthier, cheaper, etc. Things like jam, bread, catsup, mustard, salad dressing, pasta (hint: manicotti doesn't require much cutting)... Or take a cooking class.
I see painting with wine being offered on various discount sites (LivingSocial, Seize-the-Deal, etc.) -- that sounds like fun, particularly if done with the right set of friends. Touring a brewery or distillery could be fun, as might touring other unusual places, given that (expensive) travel is probably out of the question.
OK, that's a bunch of ideas; I hope a few of them make your list.
Posted by: MargieK | January 05, 2013 at 11:36 AM
Jump on a giant trampoline or in a bouncy house. Surprisingly fun, even for an adult.
Posted by: Nicole | January 05, 2013 at 11:37 AM
If you can find someone to teach you, learn to eat fire--there's nothing more badass than someone who can eat fire (and it's not all that hard to learn).
Do some fingerpaintings. Because fingerpainting is actually pretty soothing and fun.
Go for a long run in a new neighborhood.
Get some nice new lingerie.
Find a source for miniature cupcakes, and have one a day for the 40 days starting with your birthday. (The ones that are bite-sized... I wouldn't recommend a whole cupcake a day if they were full-sized.)
Posted by: Julia | January 05, 2013 at 11:41 AM
from childhood: lay upside down on a bed, draw eyes and a nose on your face between your chin and your mouth. cover face (through nose) with a scarf. Then sing a happy song while others watch and/or record it. Bonus to use silly voices.
paint toenails different colors
put seltzer in fruit juice, add slices of lemon/lime/fruit on toothpicks or those umbrella thingees, serve in wine glasses to kids with dinner and enjoy their reactions
speaking of silly voices, sing everything for a one-hour period
give yourself a crazy hair day or crazy mismatch clothes day or crazy sock day or anything else like that most schools do
perennial favorite: watch baby laughing videos
looking forward to seeing others' responses!
PS: I am turning 40 this summer and it is freaking the eff out of me, too. Don't know why (although I'm sure it has to do with my mother's breast cancer diagnosis in her early 40s.) I am healthy. I LOVE this post and am thinking of copying the idea for the 40 days leading up to my bday, too. Thanks for the idea!
Posted by: Jillian | January 05, 2013 at 11:42 AM
See a play. Real, live theater. Brill and Good People both look good (http://www.performancenetwork.org/1213season.php), though I'm sure there are other options. Call the theater ahead to see if there are volunteer opportunities to cut down on cost, if need be -- though sometimes you'll miss a few minutes of the show, like I did when I sold ice cream between acts. In itself, it was kind of fun.
Also, in the free category: Do a vision quest. Plan it out first, in a way that fits with your own spiritual beliefs, but basically set aside some time and private space, have something to connect with (the earth itself, a religious icon, something handed down from an ancestor.... this part should be personal), get into a meditative state (think ocean sounds or repetitive drums), connect to your chosen object, and see what it has to tell you (through images, feelings, senses, coincidences....). Then express gratitude and honor whatever you got.
And happy birthday!
Posted by: Schwa de Vivre | January 05, 2013 at 11:46 AM
Ooh, I love this idea! I turn 40 a few weeks after you and I am surpringly ok with it. But this sounds like a lot if fun. So I am going to steal this idea.
I just saw This Is 40 and I thought it was just ok. Could have used an editor, imo. Maybe have drinks before the show.
Now some ideas for you:
1. Get a manicure or pedicure in a funky color you love
2. Watch your favorite 80s movie (Top Gun or Dirty Dancing anyone?)
3. Is there a paint and wine place in AA? There are several here and SO MUCH FUN...even though I have the artistic skills of a3 yr old.
4. Yes the trampoline places are a blast
Posted by: Michelle | January 05, 2013 at 11:53 AM
Think back to stuff you liked to do as a kid and add that to your list too - roller skating was the first thing I thought of too. Or bowling or mini-golf.
Posted by: Cathy | January 05, 2013 at 12:00 PM
Have mimosas for breakfast!
Buy yourself flowers!
Wear special fancy jewelry on a non-special occasion!
Posted by: Andrea | January 05, 2013 at 12:13 PM
Buy new and wear favorite kind of underwear. Seriously, you're sure to know your favorites. (GreAt thing about 40, you know a lot about what you like.)
Get a good photo taken. Think you'll appreciate how beautiful you are when you look at it in 40 years.
Posted by: Tetris | January 05, 2013 at 12:44 PM
Ok, this is kinda big/expensive, but one of the most amazing things I have done is a hot air balloon ride. Highly recommended- perhaps as a culminating event?
Also, go to a wine tasting, go do paint-your-own-pottery with a good friend, and try zentangle (www.zentangle.com).
Enjoy!!
Posted by: eee | January 05, 2013 at 12:46 PM
Bubble bath till you go wrinkly
Read a trashy magazine
Buy a fun nail polish
Make fudge
play with washi tape
Go on a photo walk
Stay in your pjs and read the whole day
Go get ice-cream
Go get your hair done
Buy something fun to wear (flip flops are good)
What a fun idea! I will do the same next year when I turn 40 (how is this possible? I feel 25)
Posted by: Marcia (123 blog) | January 05, 2013 at 12:54 PM
Hoop!
Posted by: Kirsten Tucker | January 05, 2013 at 12:54 PM
I think you can celebrate that you are twice as smart as you were 20 years ago, and if you had a dollar for every birthday you wouldn't be able to buy very much because you're still quite young. Maybe buy a 40 dollar bottle of wine to toast the day and your mom.
Posted by: Beth | January 05, 2013 at 01:03 PM
There is apparently a place in Canton that it's just a whole bunch of giant trampolines linked together. I think we should check out out.
Posted by: Jen | January 05, 2013 at 01:15 PM
Go do a wine tasting or that martini thing in Ann Arbor on 2/22.
Alcohol is almost always fun (for the drinky among us).
My dry humored husband suggests: have a vision quest and/or take peyote. I don't generally do the things he suggests, but I love hearing his suggestions.
Posted by: L. | January 05, 2013 at 01:35 PM
salted caramel ice cream.
Posted by: really, it is so good | January 05, 2013 at 01:50 PM
Get some friends together for dessert and drinks at La Dolce Vita.
Posted by: Anon | January 05, 2013 at 01:53 PM
This may be a little too Dolly Domestic, but what about making a batch of sugar or butter cookie dough and baking cut-out cookies with your kids on a non-school day? I've done this with my 7YO son several times over the last couple of years and it's a blast to make them for no particular holiday/purpose. Have the kids pick out whatever kinds of cookie cutters, decorations, and icing colors they want to use and let them go to town on making/decorating the cookies. And don't forget the most important part - make sure that between you and your kids, you eat at least half the cookie dough raw. I always end up feeling like a kid again when my son and I have a Goofy Cookie Day.
Also, if it makes you feel any better, I'm already hyperventilating about having passed 35 in November. I love that you're confronting your unhappiness over turning 40 head-on, with humor and fun as your weapons. This is a terrific idea!
Posted by: Tonina | January 05, 2013 at 01:58 PM
Buy some silly putty and play with it.
Make bread.
Go for a solo walk with your camera in your neighborhood.
Watch a movie that was your favorite as a kid (or re-read your favorite childhood book).
Posted by: SarahB | January 05, 2013 at 02:00 PM
Invent a personalized cocktail.
Posted by: Rbelle | January 05, 2013 at 02:30 PM
Compile your personal list of most fabulous songs and dance in your kitchen/office/living room. It's really one of the best things ever.
Posted by: Claudia | January 05, 2013 at 02:45 PM
Run in a beautiful setting or better still, set yourself the goal of running say 10k (a half or full marathon, whatever) and build up to that.
Posted by: paola | January 05, 2013 at 02:47 PM
Go to the FREE wine tastings at Morgan and York on Packard--they're every Saturday from 2-4pm.
Visit the DIA.
I second the idea of reading in pj's all day.
Make a snow angel.
Document the 40 things you do in pictures!
Posted by: kelly | January 05, 2013 at 02:55 PM
Do a cannonball at your local pool.
Eat the hottest order of wings possible with a friend.
Have your kids do face paint on you. Then go shopping together.
Go commando for a day. In a skirt.
Posted by: jilly | January 05, 2013 at 03:24 PM
Get a massage, or a facial, or one of those spa treatments where they slather you with stuff then wrap you like a baked potato. Or all of them, if you feel like splurging.
Have an acupuncture treatment & start your 40s all centered. Or at least knowing where your third eye is.
Take one exercise class that you never would otherwise: pole dancing, zumba, kickboxing
Brunch! Eggs benedict (I like mine with spinach), bloody marys, bellinis, friends
Buy yourself something impractical that you love.
I hope you have a great time!
Posted by: Lisa | January 05, 2013 at 03:27 PM
My husband suggests a potato sack race with the kids. Personally, I'm more of a 90 minute full body massage girl myself!
Posted by: Meg | January 05, 2013 at 03:38 PM
I'll come back when I have more time and read all the suggestions- maybe I'll find some new fun things to try, too!
But right now, I'll just leave my suggestion: try a kickboxing (or other martial arts) class. I think kickboxing (for real- i.e., actually hitting and kicking things) is the most fun workout I have ever done. I'm looking forward to getting back into a class once my schedule allows. For now, I just workout on a heavy bag in my garage.
Also- I turned 40 last year. It is... OK. But honestly, I think the only reason I'm having trouble with it is that my kids are still quite young (3 and 5), so I am struggling to find time to get back into shape, shop for clothes that actually look good on me, have time for the cool projects I want to do, etc.
Posted by: Cloud | January 05, 2013 at 03:59 PM
Have an unplanned day--just a day with nothing planned. Wake up when you want to, eat when/where you want to, and see where the day takes you.
Posted by: Jenn C | January 05, 2013 at 04:01 PM
Here are some things I'd do if it were me!
1) get a pedicure (at a salon or just at home)
2) go to a movie theater by myself (I've actually never done that but want to!)
3) go hiking at a nearby state park (something else I've never done)
4) take a one-session adult enrichment class that interests me (cake decorating and knitting have always interested me) OR find someone I know to teach me a new skill
5) organize some specific area of my house (for me that would be the linen closet--getting something organized always makes me feel like I accomplished something)
6) spend an afternoon cooking or baking something really elaborate just for fun
7) go ice skating
8) paint a room in my house a new color
9) block off a whole hour or two to just waste time on the internet, with no purpose in mind and no guilt about how I should be doing something else
10) spend a day (or just an evening) watching TV or movies
11) call or email someone I haven't talked to in a long time
12) go to a nice salon and get a hair cut or, if I didn't need a cut, just get a wash and blow dry--it does cost money but there's nothing that makes me feel better than when my hair looks great
13) spend an afternoon or evening making something wonderful for someone else (whatever craft skill or talent you have, knitting, cooking, web design, whatever!)
14) send an unexpected thank you to someone who did something nice for you
15) have an adventure day alone or with someone, where you go somewhere near you that you've never been before, like a new museum, new park, crazy roadside attraction on the side of the highway, etc.
16) This is kind of weird, but I've always wanted to do a "summer in January" night where we crank up the heat really high, put on shorts, drink tropical drinks, eat summery foods, maybe watch a beach movie. It always sounds nice to me in the heart of winter.
Hm, now my brain is working! I may have to do some of these for my own upcoming birthday. :)
Posted by: Jen | January 05, 2013 at 04:21 PM
Dance lessons!
Posted by: Jessica | January 05, 2013 at 04:43 PM
Take pics and post the day's event every day for the 40 days on this site. We'd love the daily check in.
Posted by: Ann | January 05, 2013 at 04:52 PM
Toilet paper a neighbor's house!
Posted by: TraceyT | January 05, 2013 at 04:53 PM
Get a facial and/or massage.
Posted by: Kathy_B | January 05, 2013 at 05:01 PM
ADULT GYMNASTICS CLASS!!!!!
Posted by: vanessa | January 05, 2013 at 05:17 PM
I've heard repeatedly from people that the 40s rock, if that's any consolation! I still have a couple years before I get there, but I'm telling myself it must be true, as much as I've heard it.
Posted by: Jen | January 05, 2013 at 05:19 PM
Pick a night and have "backwards dinner" where you MUST finish all you dessert before you eat your veggies... A weekly tradition in my house growing up.
Posted by: Latte | January 05, 2013 at 05:33 PM
Go to a restaurant and pay for another table without them knowing.
Posted by: Ellen | January 05, 2013 at 06:19 PM
I'm a lurker that's been reading for about two years now and I turn 40 later this year. My suggestion is a bit like Ellen's, do something really nice for someone else, someone you don't know. I'm in the midst of a really difficult time and there have been several people who don't know me at all (but have heard of my story) that have done something over the top nice (not all of them costing very much money) that have made my week, month and even lifetime.
Posted by: Shelley | January 05, 2013 at 06:39 PM
Stand on a street corner with a couple friends and blow bubbles at the passing cars. And/Or hold up "protest" signs that say nice things. I passed a few people doing this last week and was slightly annoyed by the protesters until I realized their sign said, "You're Marvelous!" Made my day.
Posted by: Jennifer | January 05, 2013 at 06:58 PM
I love these ideas!! I won't reiterate any of the ones above, which means I don't have a lot left to offer... but I will say that my husband jumped in the Long Island Sound the day he turned 30, in late November, and it made him feel much better. :) (This was a whole ago - we're both on the downhill slope to 40 now too.) So, you could find a very cold body of water to jump in. Ooh, speaking of that, my father-in-law has gone to a sensory deprivation place where they immerse you in a pool of room temp water, turn off the lights, and have no sound, and he says it's unbelievably relaxing. I have to assume there's some kind of panic button you can hit if need be....
Other random thoughts:
Movie during the day on a weekday.
Order an unbelievably fabulous, decadent dessert at a restaurant and eat the whole thing yourself (or at least as much as you want).
Have you ever done acupuncture? LOVE acupuncture.
Get just a foot massage. Probably quicker and less expensive but so relaxing.
Write a real letter to someone who would get a big smile out of it.
Forgive someone that you need to forgive. Or ask forgiveness from someone you've known you need to approach. (Uh, this might not be fun per se. Maybe more cathartic.)
Please do report back and share your list!!
Posted by: Rachel | January 05, 2013 at 07:02 PM
I love both of @Tetris's ideas, especially the great underwear - consider even getting fitted somewhere a little fancy. A lady who is old enough to know a thing or two should have a boss base layer that she loves.
Off beat suggestion: go to a hackathon - I think you'd enjoy it and your skills from business school would be amazing. Search your town and Hackathon and see what you find - or email me, I can help find out if there's one.
One thing I made myself do when I turned 40 a year and a half ago was tweet it, asking who wanted to show me the new secret handshake. I got fun responses, many from people I would never have guessed were in the club. So far, I've felt like sure thing, I'm not one of the young ones anymore - instead, I'm strong and have all the capacity and power to really get some sh*t done. I've also felt more compelled to mentor and do public service and lead. Honestly, I like it so far.
Posted by: Charisse | January 05, 2013 at 07:32 PM
* get a new haircut/colour
* have a hot bath with lavender oil, some candles, a book and a glass of wine/cup of tea
* watch Rocky Horror with a friend and dress up for it, and say the responses
* have a special breakfast at a cafe with the boys
* paint your nails blue/purple/green
* do a Tim Tam slam
Posted by: JuliaC | January 05, 2013 at 07:33 PM
1. Take a lesson to learn something (or how to do something) you've always wanted to know (or know how to do). If you've always wanted to swim butterfly, book a private lesson and learn!
2. Visit a museum or historical site of your choice. (This might be better done alone, so you can browse at your own pace.)
Posted by: heatehr | January 05, 2013 at 07:51 PM
Oooh...I'm turning 45 in June. Think I'll steal your idea and do 45 fun things. :)
For me, here are a few things I would do:
1) Picnic in the park.
2) Photographs of ME. I take millions of pics of everyone else, but I'm never in the pictures. Fix that. One day of pics of ME.
3) Put a pink streak in my hair.
4) Pierce something. (Nose? Pinna? Dunno...but I am seriously considering this for my birthday!)
5) Breakfast in bed.
6) Dinner in bed.
7) Visit the local museums...this would knock 5-10 days off my list!
8) Buy a popsicle from the ice cream truck.
9) Tickets to a baseball game.
10) Go fishing
11) Write every day
12) Take a bubble bath (a challenge, since I only have showers in my house! No tubs!)
13) Go swimming
14) Go skydiving
15) Go see the new Star Trek movie
I'd better stop now. :)
Posted by: Kim | January 05, 2013 at 08:34 PM
My favorite thing is to buy myself flowers, as mentioned up thread.
Otherwise,
*spend the day at a spa that has outdoor hot tubs and an amazing view.
*write out 40 things you like about yourself
*have dinner with people that make you laugh
*ice cream for dinner :)
I remember the build up to 40 being a little intimidating. I didn't hate it per se, but I wasn't loving it. It ended up being just another birthday, and took a little getting used to, but things were good soon after that.
Posted by: the milliner | January 05, 2013 at 08:55 PM
Get a child to teach you a dance. It is the most fun you will have for 5 minutes. My nephews are 5 and I put on a Top 40 song and asked them to teach me a dance. There was a lot of jumps in that dance :)
Posted by: Heather | January 05, 2013 at 09:03 PM