Vent here safely

I'm putting up two posts for December 24 and 25. There's one for funny stories under this. This one is for people who need to vent anything that's happening, whether it's loneliness, or anger at relatives, or frustration at food that came out wrong, or despair at people who don't treat you correctly, or annoyance at your children's behavior, or whatever's negative that you need to get out.

No misery poker, and there's enough sympathy to go around. If you want to post anonymously, put a fake email address in the email box and a fake URL in the URL box (we like fake@fake.com and www.fake.com).

Comments

[F]

my son is with his dad until tomorrow eve, my family is typically MIA and out of touch, and my friends are for the most part with their families.

i love xmas, and it's hard to be alone now, even if i will have my son back for the holiday. i have everything ready, and being so ready makes me feel a bit sad, too.

i know that next year he will spend it with his dad, and this makes the prospect of future xmases even harder to consider.

this is the first year of having to share him with someone who will not communicate with me, and i hope that this will get easier over time, and that his dad will find something other than me to hate.

[MM]

Although I am an introvert (as is my husband), in many ways, I feel more cut off at Christmas than I would like. It's a way I have "given in" and sometimes I am mad at myself about this.

[J.]

I had my first child in October and people keep talking to me about the magic of "baby's first Christmas". The reality is he obviously doesn't care, and I have no time for the things I usually like about the holidays, namely making handmade gifts and cooking. Plus I never realized how much I enjoyed the "on holiday" part of the holidays, as in time off from work. Since I'm on mat leave I have no regular job to be on holiday from, and the daily infant care job I DO have, never stops. Basically I am adjusting badly to the new version of the holidays and I have no Christmas spirit and now feel like a scroogey ingrate.

[Kathy_B]

Thank you - I was going to come here and post under a random topic. I can't vent on Facebook because my family reads it. Anyway - arrrrrrgghh. My daughter (the one that appears to be practically perfect in every way) is pissing me off. All I want to know is WHEN THEY ARE COMING over on Christmas day. Is that really too much to ask - on the 23rd?

[Tina]

Thanks Magda,

I'm having a hard time with all the grief this Christmas. Newtown is very close and real to me....I know people there and I don't want to "move on" from the horror to enjoy the holiday.

Add to that my Uncle died 5 days ago and being in the holiday spirit is hard this year.

And the holidays make it even harder to deal with the fact that I have no family of my own, no husband, no kids, just my aging parents and my sister.

Selfishly I want some sympathy, this is a sucky Christmas and its not fair.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[Leah]

Sending love to all of you who are hurting. Anon, please know that many people, not just (but definitely them) your kids would be so terribly sad to lose you. Here's a hotline number: 1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Lots of people have had those feelings and gotten help - and reaching out to get help through them is difficult but so very worth it. <3

[Anon]

My husband has zero sense of timing. He sat around watching football all day and now is scrambling to wash clothes, pack, get Drano for an issue we knew about all afternoon, etc. Our kids are finally asleep and I want to crash but can't because he will have to pack in our room. And he's complaining about the six hour drive. To HIS parents' house, where his mother will wait on him hand and foot and undo the last years' worth of husband training I've managed to do.

[Moxie]

Anon, don't go. Please, please don't go. Your family of origin and your husband can rot, but your kids need you and they know you're worth it. And you'll find other people who know you're worth it if you can just stay.

[Dagmar]

Anon... I second (third) the comments here by Leah and Moxie!! You are needed and wanted. I hope you find some help and healing! Tina, hugs and sympathy to you!

[Moxie]

OK, Anon emailed me and we're in touch, and she's not on the edge.

Other Anon, THANK YOU for the reminder for me to get Drano...

[Jessie]

J., I totally know that feeling! It can be so hard to feel excited and upbeat about holidays as a new mom -- it usually just means more work that won't get done, and other people get a break from normal, while Mama, of course, gets none. I'll send good thoughts your way. Hang on for a few more years, and he will care, and it will be fun! ::hug::

[Barb @ getupandplay]

The Snotpocalypse has arrived and striken every member of my family, making us all miserable and also too contagious to attend some much-looked-forward-to family gatherings.

[Grinchy Claus]

I can't let go of all that I dreamed the holidays would be like with my children, and just enjoy what there IS, instead. My grandma died the month after my son's first Christmas, so my mother refuses to go back "home" to our extended family for Christmas because we don't have any place to stay out there. All the traditions that made up Christmas for me for the first 31 years of my life are now off limits for not just me, but for my kids, too.

My husband's job is also really wearing on me. It's close to the end of six months of him working every Saturday and at least every other Sunday, and I am flat-out sick of it. I didn't sign up to be a single mom and I am not a very good mom by myself. I hope and pray that this year he will get a new job and we can start a more normal schedule together, where neither of us has to take a vacation day in order to be together.

Oh, and Barb - Snotpocalypse here, too, and while it's stuck to the kids thus far, I fully expect DH to be stricken by it on Tuesday and act like a big fat baby the whole day.

[Anon]

I have no legitimate reason to be anything but happy, but I have the worst case of PMS ever-- I'm bloated and grumpy and short-tempered and I don't WANT to feel like this, but I can't help it! I'm hosting Christmas dinner on Tuesday and I'm considering doing it in my pajamas. Anybody who disapproves can go home and cook their own goddamned dinner.

[Sarah]

Wow, I needed this thread. While I give my husband credit for *doing* holiday stuff, like helping my daughter & I have our first Xmas cookie decorating experience together today, he hates all things Christmas. And I know the entire time he is doing anything like decorating a tree or going to church, he would rather be playing video games online with his friends. It is just super depressing to me, but I don't feel justified in getting mad because he only plays after kiddo goes to bed. Actually, I feel this way all the time, but it's definitely worse at the holidays.

[Sarah]

J., I totally feel you sister. I think it is very very hard (for some people, including me) to adjust to the new way of life post-kiddo. I am still adjusting and my daughter is almost two. All I can say is that it will get better as your baby becomes more interactive, and your body starts to adjust to new life. Don't judge yourself - it is TOTALLY NORMAL to feel a little sad and/or resentful and/or wistful about your pre-baby life, no matter how awesome and adorable your kid is.

[Kate]

I am home to see my family for the holidays. However, as always my father and brother drink excessively. My brother went out Friday and is still not home Monday. I am sure he is sleeping it all off at this stage somewhere but I still worry. He is a grown man but I cannot help it. Plus, I am annoyed - he has spent no time with me and my daughter but already the whole weekend with some drunks. At this stage, his phone is probably lost - a regular occurrence and he also drinks and drives which makes me beyond furious. I do not live in this country if I did I hope I would get the nerve to talk to him. It is so socially acceptable to get drunk here (we live in Europe) but the lined between having a laugh and a serious problem are blurrred. I also pity my mother who lives with them bit I do not know what I can do. It just puts such a damper on everything and the feeling of uncertainty about where he is is always in the back of your mind till he gets home. I wish I could switch off my feelings.

[Tina]

One other quick thing. I do all the cooking and baking because my mother is I'll and neither my Dad or my sister can do anything fancy. Which is fine.....but would it be too much to ask that they clean the dishes after? Loading the dishwasher is not that hard, and I clean as I go so the dishes aren't terribly bad.

Thanks again Magda!

[M]

J, solidarity. This is our first Christmas with a baby, too. Ours in 9 months old, and it's starting to get a lot more fun. At 2-3 months, though, you're right--they have no idea what's going on, and you have no time or energy to tackle everything! I hope you can cut yourself some slack on not being as on top of things for the holidays. If you are visiting with family, take advantage of all those extra baby-loving hands and take a tiny bit of time for you.

My complaint this year is that we are all sick. We kept our plans to a minimum, but we'll probably cancel the plans we do have. We're just kind of slogging through the days in slomo here. I hope we feel well enough to have some happy memories from this Christmas.

Hang in there, everyone.

[E]

Someone took my son's main gift from Santa off the porch when it was delivered. Hopefully the replacement will be here today.

But mostly, I miss my parents. My adorable, smart, awesome kid is a wonderful distraction. But combine the gaping hole that my parents used to fill along with the mom-driven Christmas machine and I must admit that I'm just looking forward to the 26th. I mean, I'm not even doing a lot of what my mom did because I refuse to go insane during Christmas time. No cards, no baking, celebrating at others homes, so no big meal. Then feel guilty I because I'm not going all out like my mom did, although my son doesn't seem to know what he's missing.

But listen up moms, here is the new tradition at my house we started last year: Christmas night after the celebrating is done, momma gets a glass of wine and takes a hot bath. I get a little time to myself and space to have my own thoughts. I cannot tell you how much this has helped me face all the holiday to-dos this year.

[Amy]

My mother called me a bitch in front of my children yesterday when we got into a huge fight over Christmas. My siblings and I arranged to get together with her on the 26th a YEAR ago, and she called me on the 20th with a million b.s. reasons why that won't work. They're all stupid made up reasons. She's just trying to manipulate me into going to her house (90 minutes away) on the 25th. The problem is that if I'm there, with my three young kids and my husband, my dad (her ex-husband) and my mother in law are TOTALLY ALONE on Christmas. Since they actually make the effort the other 364 days a year, I'm not willing to do that to them. So I'm a bitch.

We do this every year. I thought we had it all worked out so that the 26th would be "our thing" and we'd never have to have this fight again. My brother and sister in law have families in the area, too, and other obligations on the 24th, and I believe that my kids need to be home on the 25th. Of course Mom and siblings are welcome at my house (neutral turf) on the 25th - I don't want them to be alone either - but that's just not good enough. She won't be happy unless she gets her way, which is for everyone to be at her house on the 25th. I wonder if she doesn't want my dad to be alone, to continue to punish him for crap that he did over two decades ago, and she's mad that I won't get on board with her punishment of him??

There's so much more - she hung up on me the other day on the phone... There's 36 years of backstory, but I can't type that fast. I'm just really hurting right now, and I'm hoping that we get a blizzard on Christmas so that I can say, "Well, too bad so sad, we can't get up there. See you next year. On the 26th."

The doctor gave me a prescription for Xanax. It's helping. I hate it that I have to take pills to deal with my mother.

There's enough detail here that if someone happens to find it, they'll know it's me. I'll just sign my real name.

[Alison]

J., I was exactly there last year. (Baby born in October, maternity leave, everything.) I'ts OK to just take a pass this year--accept that things are going to be different, Christmas won't be as "magical," some traditions will just have to take the year off. And you don't have to be responsible for everyone else's Christmas spirit--so if you're feeling down, just feel it and don't feel guilty. But try to find something that brings a little bit of that magic feeling if you can--for me, it was seeing how many people loved our new baby and showed it by sending gifts for him. He didn't care of course, but unwrapping cute baby clothes always makes me feel good.

Things are much, much better this year, although not exactly "normal." But I feel more in control and like I'm laying a foundation for future Christmases with my kid(s).

[kim]

It's not a big vent, but it's a vent all the same: My 9 month old is solo over stimulated from all the holiday stuff that he won't sleep. It took 2.5 extra hours to get him down for his first nap today. He was up for 1.5 hours in the middle of the night. He missed an entire nap yesterday. And last night, after I cooked the turkey, my in laws sat around in turkey comas while I bounced the whiny baby for an hour before his bedtime.

[CatieP]

My dad passed away this past June - he had Parkinson's disease. We managed to go home for the past 2 Christmases because dad was doing poorly - and I admit, they were not very relaxing but I think they were incredibly important. This year my mom went to visit extended family for the holidays (I'm very happy for her) but we're here alone and I'm scared that I'm going to be sad tomorrow - this will piss off my husband because he will feel that it is a reflection on him not being enough for me. I guess my goal is to be happy for most of the day tomorrow - including the start and end.

[Jenny F. Scientist, PhD]

Much sympathy to everyone whose friends, family, and relatives really are getting on their nerves.

On THAT note, my in-laws also really annoy me. It's like dealing with impulse-control-deficient toddlers. And you know what? I'm still pissed off they didn't come see their second grandchild (of two!) until he was one. Because it 'might snow'. In October. And then because they had a 'doctor's appointment.' And then it was 'so hard to leave the house' (to come here, though not to WV, GA, or AL). Yep. So they're lying, disrespectful, impulse-control-challenged three-year-olds. Except they're 65.

BUT! The part that annoys me even MORE is how my spouse, every year, laments how we're not going there for Christmas, to be tortured with annoying TV, food I can't eat, inappropriate gifts, and our yearly marital argument! The rational part of my brain knows he misses the warm-cuddly-family part. The less rational part of my brain knows that I !@$%ing hate it there. BAH HUMBUG. (Also I'm Jewish and they keep expecting us to celebrate Christmas in our own house which NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOO.)

[My heart grew three sizes that day]

J - I feel like I can tackle yours the easiest. I totally get where you are coming from and yesterday I realized this was the first Xmas in awhile where I felt a bit more in control and organized and then I realized,because of the ages of my kids, it was the first time in six years where I wasn't diaper changing or breast feeding someone while trying to get things done. I've managed to sneak some video games playing in and it is feeling more like a holiday. Hang in there and ignore the magic of baby's first Xmas stuff being thrown at you. My kid's first Xmas was spent with her parents violently ill with a stomach flu, and her only being brought to me for the occasional nursing session I could muster if I had enough Gatorade in me. FEEL THE MAGIC!!

[Ugh!]

We have been trying for baby #2 for quite awhile now and just found out that hubs has low testosterone and lh counts which prob mean he has like no viable swimmers. Since its "his" thing I seem pushy if I ask questions and he doesn't seem to want answers as much as I do. Also not allowed to tell anyone. Feel so alone, with no one up vent to! Feeling like all this grief I've felt trying forever to make baby #1 is going to be nothing compared to baby #2, and wondering if its worth it. Maybe my son should just be an only child??

[Elizabeth]

Hugs and warm thoughts to those of you having a tough Christmas (and some of your situations are REALLY tough!). So sorry.

Only thing I know that might make things better is carving out time for kindness. It might be 3 seconds for a kind word to a stressed relative or half an hour for kindness for yourself (a solo walk perhaps? I like the 'hot bath and glass of wine for mama' idea that someone else had).

Such hard situations all 'round. Be kind and gentle with yourself.

[Magic]

J, I totally hear you on not getting into the Christmas spirit or "magic of baby's first Christmas" - as you say, they are too young to understand and you are just way to overwhelmed and exhausted with being a new mom to have the energy or mental headspace to deal with it.

My son is now 2, and I felt exactly the same way for his first Christmas. Cut yourself some slack and do whatever YOU want to do for Christmas.

Like so many things when you have a newborn, it feels like life as you know it is being put on hold FOREVER....but the period of intense newborn parenting does end.

Now that my son is 2, I am actually looking forward to Christmas next year and beyond when he'll be old enough to understand a bit more - it will be fun to create some new family traditions.

And...as a side note....it bugs me when parents go crazy overboard with "baby's first everything"....like buying a ton of presents or things like that when baby has no friggin idea what is going on.....

[Latte]

Squirmy turns one on Xmas day and to date no one in my husbands family has even sent a card but they all ask when were driving 10hours with baby to come see them all! Yeah right! I will try to enjoy the specialness of having a Christmas baby but that part really sucks and I wish the in laws would just leave us the f&$@ alone

[Magic]

*Sigh* Christmas has always been a lonely time for me. Growing up, my mom was an alcoholic, so mostly I just felt lonely at Christmas time.

My husband's parents have passed away. He has a brother and sister in law nearby, by the sister in law is crazy and overly controlling, so it's no fun at all to spend time with her.

My family lives overseas, and I no longer have a relationship with my mom.

My friends are generally spending Christmas with their families.

I do have pangs of feeling sad that my son does not get to experience a "big happy family Christmas time" and I'm concerned that as he grows up and realizes his friends DO have this kind of Christmas he will feel really left out.

My son is 2, so I've decided that from next year on, we'll institute a tradition of having a Christmas party a few days before Christmas and invite all his friends. Then we can make our own tradition on Christmas Day like having brunch, opening presents and going into Manhattan to see the Christmas tree and store displays.

[L.]

J!! I could have written that post!! I also had my first in October and feel so irritated/bad/confused when people tell me how excited I must be about baby's first Christmas. I keep thinking I've missed something, like is there some secret thing where Santa actually DOES come on "baby's first Christmas" but he brings booze and a babysitter? Could THAT be what people are referring to???

I feel you.

[Nikki]

My brother-in-law is passive aggressive and very self-centered. He's a classic narcissist. Usually this manifests at Christmas as not having the time of day for us (which is fine with me), but this year my in-laws are here to stay with us. I love them and love having them, so that part is great. BIL is so jealous that they'll be here that he's spent the past 2 weeks trying to sabotage every plan we've made. I'm exhausted from standing up to him.

Also, my 3-year-old has had 2 late nights (one of them because we went to BIL's house and dinner was inexplicably late despite a huge show beforehand about "making it convenient for the kids' bedtimes"), too much chocolate, and I'm sure she senses the tension in the air. She is in positively foul humor today and I am exhausted just thinking about getting through Christmas Eve Mass and bedtime.

However, BIL is too busy to see us tomorrow (Christmas Miracle!), and I am hopeful that a huge afternoon nap will make life easier to handle for my kiddo, so there is hope.

Hugs to all of you stuck in unpleasant or awful situations.

[Charisse]

FFS. This is a whine more than a vent. Generally I live my MIL (where we arrived late last night after moving houses Saturday. But she's always been a bit of a space cadet about providing things like breakfast for guests. So I planned to get up today and go pick up bagels for everyone. Got up this morning late - Mouse had a run of 8 performances and the end if school this week plus we moved so we were all glad to sleep in. It was 9:45. I got dressed, verified there wasn't any breakfast food in the house, and got my keys...only to discover WE'RE LOCKED IN. All her doors have key locks on the inside and I can't find the keys. It's almost 10:45 and she and her husband are still sleeping and will be pissed if we wake them. At least I have a hungry 8-year-old, not a hungry 3-year-old or something, but I left all our road snacks in, you guessed it, the CAR. OUTSIDE. OMG. Thank you for listening.

[Ken]

My wife and I drove two days to Wisconsin to see her family for Christmas and show off the baby (from October). I'm lucky that they are good people, but there is a lot of emotional volatility. Her mom had a breakdown in January and is still trecovering. I get tired of having to be hyper sensitive to her issues, when we are exhausted from taking car of the baby. On top of that, they put us in a room that is 60 degrees - not kidding - and then there was a fight when we wanted to seal up the drafty windows. All of ts makes me miss my own family even though they don't actually like the holidays. At least I understand them better. (Thanks for listening. It seems like there are mainly moms on this site, but I want to shout out the any other dads out there.)

[Kelly]

My FIL was arrested awhile back for sexually assaulting my MIL, and last week he admitted himself to the psych ward at the hospital because he was suicidal. We didn't get the messages he left on one of our cellphones until Friday morning so that was rough. My husband is dealing but it's been very very difficult. He went to talk with his dad and the counselor, it went OK, but it is still awful. I am struggling with feeling happy about the holidays, because I do feel happy, but I feel awful for what my husband is going through.

[Fake Fake]

My 5 year old daughter had her eye and face mauled at a family party yesterday by a dog so I spent the whole trip in the hospital with a sad, anxious, hurting kid. 2 hour drive there and back w an ADHD 8 year old boy and 5yo girly.
The sedation meds made her puke and we didn't leave until 1am. Almost got robbed getting gas on the way home (pain/puking screams actually helped).
Now the Wii U we just cracked out of the box to help the kids get their mind off of the trauma is defective and won't be replaced until after our break. As working parents, this is the biggest chunk of time we would have had to play together for fun.
And my in laws still expect us to come over on the one day of the year my brother in law "allow us" to visit him when he comes home.

[Betsy]

My 3.5 year old is sick with the crud and has been waking up multiple times a night to scream. SCA-REAM. This, combined with the other 3.5 yo nonsense is pushing me and my husband over the edge. My husband completely lost his shit yesterday and had to take himself outside for a walk and cooling off period. The night before that, I lost it and had to lay in bed with my ears covered as my husband dealt with the screaming child by threatening to take away his nightlight if he didn't shut his pie hole already.

[Sad Anon]

I'm heading into divorce in the New Year, so this is our last Christmas (barely) together. My husband was cheating, we tried to work things out, it turned out that he didn't really want to work things out, and now it's over. I'm completely devastated. I'm trying to make a good Christmas for our kids (ages 5 and 3), but I pretty much just want to cry 100% of the time. I'm a SAHM, and I don't know what I'm going to do in the coming year. :-( I don't want to have to start my whole life over. I don't want to have had a husband who I really loved who didn't give a shit about me or our kids. And I need to be cheerful for tomorrow, and I don't know how I'll manage that. Our kids still don't know about the divorce, and I don't know how to tell them that Daddy won't live with us anymore. I feel like a horrible parent.

Worst Christmas Ever.

[Leah]

I am sending so much love to all of you, I'm glad you have space to vent but I wish I could help more. I'm going to use my (so far) uneventful Christmas to send love and peace to all of you. Fruity hippie, perhaps, but I hope it helps to know someone is out here thinking of you.

All of you with babies - mine are now 6, 3, and 2 and while I still have trouble with my lack of organizational skills around Christmas, it's SO much better now and I'm really starting to get the feeling of loving Christmas because you see it through your kids' eyes. It gets better.

Ken - my husband could tell lots of stories about how uncomfortable it is to be in the middle of your wife's family issues. It's no good at all.

Kelly - we had a family member attempt suicide last November. It's awful. All my sympathies.

Fake Fake - I'm so sorry. I have 2 dogs and that has always been one of my worst fears. I'm keeping you guys in my thoughts and prayers.

[anon]

I'm so tired of my husband being mad about everything. He's a thoughtful, wonderful, involved father with our toddler daughter, but it's like fatherhood takes all the positive energy out of him. And all that's left is either total passivity (sleeping or playing online games when she's asleep) or anger about...whatever...sort of directed at me. I am so afraid of becoming my parents where they both showed lots of love towards me but almost none towards each other. If anything needs to get done around the house, or in life, that is at all outside of his very limited self-defined set of responsibilities, I have to do it. And I'm not allowed to respond if he gets mad because then he says I'm just taking it personally when it's not about me. I love my kid so much but everything seems so dreadful especially at Christmas when we're supposed to be extra merry. It's hard to feel like I won't always be miserable, and then I just feel enormously guilty for not being a happy mom around my lovely, sweet, funny kiddo.

[Maria]

I'm less stressed than I expected to be about Christmas this year, but I still hate having to provide every minute of festivity for my daughter by myself. It's lonely not having anyone to talk to about her presents, or to help make a meal, or put up the tree, or even just appreciate it. My daughter has figured out what she's getting, which I guess is ok, she seems happy about it, but I'm disappointed there won't be a surprise reveal.

Also, in my family stockings are a big thing, even for grownups. It was always my favorite part of Christmas, and when I am alone with DD, I don't get one because there's no one to fill it for me. It's a minor thing, but it makes me feel extra lonely.

I am cooking dinner (duck!) tomorrow for the two of us plus my brother and nephew. My SIL bailed a day or two ago, as she almost always does. Then my bro told me to day that she has quit drinking. I never knew if she had a problem, and he didn't tell me why she quit, so it could be for other reasons, but the way he said it made it sound like it was a problem, so I guess I'm oblivious. Either way I guess I'm a little hurt and insulted that she can't be bothered to show up for my dinner.

Mostly I'm nervous about the cooking and cleaning for tomorrow, and trying to find the balance between perfectionism and making it special and nice. Oh, and total PMS, bloating, irritability, fatigue, etc.

[Anon]

So need this. I got here to my in-laws' with a cold, and now my dog allergies have gone haywire (forgot I had them because our dog died in April so I be been living dander-free for 8 months)... And nothing here is festive. No merrymaking, no joy. And I feel like crap. Humbug. ( and then I feel guilty).

[A-A-Anonymous]

We just went to visit my entire family in a weekend. My daughters, the older two grandkids weren't able to spend time with their grandmother (my MIL) who set the bar YEARS ago with the spoilage.... because she was taking care of my SIL's baby. All weekend. With the parents there and doing nothing. They always do this- my husband and I joke that MIL had another baby at 65. They eat her food, "borrow" toilet paper, demand that she cook, etc. Pushover won't do anything about it and it fills me with rage. GROW UP PEOPLE YOU HAVE A KID. And I see that it does said child absolutely no good. And that it isn't any of my business. Blah.

Husband's grammy reminded me that I am fat. I quit smoking, total win- gained 30 pounds, total fail. Still, I am proud of myself for the smoking, so old lady can jump in the lake, right?

My gran's favorite sister died Friday. They had the funeral/wake today. I had to miss it. I loved that lady, she could always be counted on to crack a joke, even when everything was awful.

My other gran told me I talk too much. Yay. I almost want to shut up out of spite, then I realized, I really can't. I do talk too much.

That's what I have for today. It really isn't bad, so far, thank the heavens!

[Sheila]

I've been on antidepressants for over a year now, and I still struggle with bad stretches fairly regularly. The anxiety has settled comfortably on me again this weekend, and I spent a while today feeling like crap, but trying to ignore the voice in my head that says that it's pathetic I can't get it together for Christmas.

I know it will pass, it always does, but I miss feeling normal so, so much.

[Ralph]

Vomiting kid on Christmas Eve is No. Fun. Keep your fingers crossed for me that she improves overnight, and that no one else starts up. Maybe your toes, too, since as I read what I typed, it seems absurdly hopeful.

[Tricia]

A year and a half ago I had the audacity to try to breastfeed my 3 month old daughter at my SIL's house. She asked me to go in the basement, and I left instead. She hasn't spoken to me since. I ambushed her at her house last December to apologize, and she sent word via our husbands that while she understood my apology was sincere, she didn't accept it. I've tried to make nice, but she won't answer my calls. They live 5 miles from us. They used to see my kids on a weekly basis. Now it's been more than a year, and not only can they not be bothered to come to Christmas dinner with the family, but they didn't even have the good grace to decline my invitation. I mean, I called and asked my BIL if they would be able to stop by for dessert, he said he'd "talk to" his wife, and then he didn't bother calling me back. Boo!

[ARC]

J - we had baby #2 in October so we're back at square one, and I HEAR YOU about the nonstop work and no "holiday".

I've minimized the "Christmas magic" for the baby - she has one thing in her stocking and maybe 2 other small presents from us because she got a bunch from her grandparents. Because honestly, all she wants is milk :P

Be kind to yourself and don't worry about holidays just yet - you'll have more fun next year, and even more the following, when you'll probably WANT to do stuff with your excited toddler because you won't be so tired of the day-to-day. I promise it gets better.

And @Tricia - wth? You are certainly a bigger person than I am, to actually think about apologizing *and* trying multiple times. Yuck.

[ARC]

@Tricia - I meant "yuck" to them, not you. Sorry if that read like I was criticizing you...

[Maria]

@Ralph, I've been there. My daughter threw up every Christmas Eve for the first three years. The second year landed us in the ER because it was so intractable and I was nervous. She's 9 now and this year we joked about what a terrible tradition she tried to start as a baby.

As for us, now, she's still wide, WIDE awake at ten to midnight waiting for El Claus. I know this is normal, and even a little charming for a girl who usually tries to be too sophisticated for her own good, but our house is so tiny and unmanageably laid out that I can't do anything about filling her stocking or finishing the wrapping I have to do until she is asleep. The dam finally burst on my uterus this morning and there is a veritable tsunami going on down there. Also I somehow feel horribly bloated and completely famished at the same time. Fun times.