Talk about the helpers

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially in times of disaster, I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers--so many caring people in this world." Mister Rogers

Every time something else happens, this is what we can offer our kids, that some people are bad, but most of us are good, and most of us are the helpers.

I wish there was some way to make them absolutely safe.

Comments

[rebecca]

I know that when I pick my 6 year old son up tonight, he will have overheard the teachers talking and he will have questions and I have been absolutely terrified as to how to answer them. Slate had a nice article suggesting a simplified truth. I believe in honesty with my children but I don't want to provoke any terror either. I'll try to emphasize the helpers if he starts asking for details. Thanks for the reminder.

[Charisse]

mister rogers is pretty much a bodhisattva.

[kate]

this feels like cold comfort to me right now. it's all we have, and it's not enough :-(

[Deb]

I found this article helpful in thinking about how to approach this with my kids. I thought others might find it helpful too.

http://www.pdonohueshortridge.com/AandE/Protecting.pdf

[Maria]

My 9 year old doesn't know anything about it yet. I am debating whether to tell her anything. We don't have tv and it's very likely she won't hear about it at all until she goes back to school, if the kids talk about it. I don't want to scare her gratuitously, but I worry that she won't ask questions if and when she hears loose talk at school, because she's internal like that.

[hush]

A frequent commenter here @Cloud/Wandering Scientist had a great post about what we can all do to change the gun laws in our country:

http://www.wandering-scientist.com/2012/12/broekn-heart-and-open-letters.html

[Alexicographer]

Good advice, @Moxie, but I haven't needed to talk about anything yet. My son's a kindergartener at our local public school and is thus far unaware of what happened. Like Maria, I figure he'll hear about it at school, though; I can't imagine every other parent of every other kid, even if they all wanted to use the same approach of shielding their kids from the news, will have succeeded in doing so. So -- what to tell them before school on Monday? Frustratingly, I leave for a business trip Monday, returning Wednesday, and while DS will be with his dad and grandma, both very sensible capable people, I want to be here (also) to answer his questions, and I won't be.

[Cloud]

I am just devastated by this. I am hoping to keep the news from my kids- but like @Alexicographer, I have a kindergartner, and I fear what she will hear at school on Monday. My devastation is amplified by the fact that I know that other countries have taken steps to decrease the likelihood of events like this, but that my own country cannot find a way to do so. I desperately want us not to just sigh and go back to assuming that there is nothing that can be done to change things. The available evidence indicates otherwise. But I feel helpless to bring about change.

Thanks for linking to my post, @hush. I'll add that there is a petition on WhiteHouse.gov that calls for a discussion about gun laws. If you want to sign that, it takes only a few minutes to create an account (they just need a name and an email address) and sign:
http://wh.gov/RN6U

Or if you want to try to improve mental health resources in this country, this link has a list of charities:
http://www.mhfederation.org/charities.php

[Amy Mous]

My second grade son has no clue what happened and I'd love to keep it that way. However, I am a teacher in another district. When the teachers found out on Friday we were on a prep period working on a bulletin board with students in PE. We went into an empty classroom and wept. One of us said that maybe, just maybe because it happened on a Friday that we won't need to talk about it at school on Monday, that we can let parents and guardians handle this one. Well, we got notice from the head of school that we most certainly will be talking about it with our students on Monday. Sigh. So this means that I have to have this conversation with my second grader tonight just in case his school is doing something, too. I totally get that students need to know adults are there for them, but, right now I feel like school should be a safe haven from that. Yes, I get the horrific irony of stating that. Must we push the idea into students' heads that no place is truly safe? I don't think so. Thanks for listening.

[Sharon Silver]

I've been asked by many, "What should I say to my child?"

So I put together 3 articles from others who deal with things like this.
One is a sample conversation to help you get through the conversation.
One is an article.
One is a list of questions to decide whether to share and when is the best time to share.

If you want a copy, go to my website, www.proactiveparenting.net and get my email address. I don't feel like posting it for the world. Send me an email and I'll send it to you.

Also, I put a post on FB, that seems to be soothing for many. FB address: Proactive Parenting Tips.

Much love to you all.

[eee]

I am a 5th grade teacher at a middle school, and we just received the official approach for how to handle tomorrow- basically we were told not to bring it up or draw attention to it, but that if students bring it up, to say something like "I know, I heard about that too. It is so sad." and to reinforce that our school has good safety measures in place. We are encouraged not to give too much information about it as families may not have shared much info with children. Any students who want/need to talk about it more than that will be able to do so privately with a teacher or counselor.

[Rudyinparis]

I agree with Kate, that this is cold comfort for me today. Like many, most of us here, I have a first grader and a third grader. I am shocked by grief for the families and those poor children. I just feel like I can't bear it today. Or any day. Or ever.

[Celeste]

As much as I adore Mr. Rogers and his good advice, especially the helpers remark in the wake of 9/11, it falls short here. Unfortunately. I just don't know how you talk about a man coming into a school for the purpose of killing small children...to small children. DD is 10, and we allowed no watching of tv coverage on it this weekend. Not that we could bear it ourselves, anyway.

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