In the last week, two of my friends who were struggling with a spouse/ex-spouse with addiction issues who is threatening to them and their children have discovered that the best place to start getting help in setting boundaries to keep their kids safe is by calling a crisis hotline. The hotline worker will be able to refer you to all kinds of resources to help you set boundaries and navigate things legally and emotionally and logicistically. I thought I'd pass this discovery on.
Here's the number for the US abuse crisis hotline: 1−800−799−SAFE(7233)
UK: 0808 2000 247
Australia: 1800 737 732
And here's a list of "Am I Being Abused?" from thehotline.org:
Does your partner:
If you answered ‘yes’ to even one of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship.
- Embarrass you with put-downs?
- Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
- Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
- Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
- Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
- Make all of the decisions?
- Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
- Prevent you from working or attending school?
- Act like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?
- Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
- Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
- Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?
- Force you to try and drop charges?
- Threaten to commit suicide?
- Threaten to kill you?
For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.
You deserve better.
(If you're on a safe computer, click through to the entire site at thehotline.org. If your computer isn't safe, read everything here, and then click through to some random parenting articles like "How much sleep is the bare minimum you need to function?" and "Nutritious lunches for school" instead of to the hotline. That's also why the title of this post is misleading, in case it would be dangerous for you to be reading a post about this topic. Be safe.)
Domestic abuse partner abuse abusive scared hurts children threatens me threatens son daughter help custody visitation addict addiction junkie violent violence alcoholic husband wife ex girlfriend boyfriend