Getting braces

This is the best thing I've read this week: How To Slowly Kill Yourself And Others in America: A Remembrance by Kiese Laymon. Totally worth your time to read all the way to the end.

 

Now, talk to me about dental braces.

My rising fifth grader is going to need them, and I know a lot of friends whose kids have spacers or know they'll be getting braces soon. I had braces on my lower teeth for a year when I was 31, but I don't think that can be compared to having braces when you're developing your idea of yourself socially and figuring out if you're attractive or not, etc. I know what the physical and financial (knife through the stomach) part of braces entails, but I'm worried about the emotional part of having braces at age 12.

Talk to me about what it was like if you went through it. What you wish your parents knew. What would have made it easier.

And if your kids have braces now, how is it going? What do you wish you'd known before you went into it?

Comments

[SarahB]

I had braces. Mainly, it really hurt the first week. And it hurt after they got adjusted. So be aware of the need for pain relief and softer foods. Otherwise, it was just annoying because food got stuck in them, but I remember it being pretty normal. It was awkward and unattractive, but lots of kids had them.

[Melissa]

I got braces on my teeth the day before our Valentine's Day class party in 6th grade. This was (obviously) tortuous. Try to plan better than we did.

My teeth were truly awful (think one front tooth poking out of my mouth with my lips closed). So, I was relieved to have braces to fix this. Many other kids were getting braces at the same time so there wasn't really a factor sticking out or mocking. However, I remember clearly feeling isolated for not participating in that class party.

Things that helped: Mom making a big deal of tightening days by offering milkshakes or mashed potatoes for dinner, having many friends with braces, and carrying a small container to put rubberbands in while I ate (I had a stunning overbite to boot), and keep dental floss and threaders (to get the floss between the braces EVERYWHERE so he isn't bothered by stray things that get caught in his teeth. Remind your son that many of his peers will have braces and that more people have them now than will in adulthood. Also, remind him that it will be great to have them off before high school!

Good luck!

[LM]

I had braces from 4-6th grade, and socially it was a total non-issue. I got braces early, so I was one of the first kids in the class with them, but by the end it seemed like everyone else had them. In the beginning I experimented with different color rubber bands in the braces, eventually I just went for the clear bands so they were less noticeable. I was never made fun of for my braces - definitely other things, though. I remember so vividly how I felt the day I got them removed.

The retainer use afterward was actually more difficult than the braces, since you have to wear them for so much longer, take them out when you eat, have continued retainer checkup appointments, etc. I was so worried about accidentally throwing mine away in the trash at lunch (there were several cautionary tales in my class), and my parents harped on me a lot about the cost. I got removable ones and wore them every day for years, then at night until I was in my 20s. My teeth have shifted since then, which sucks.

[Blanche]

I started with spacers in 2nd grade, used retainers at night well into college, and now regret joyfully stopping them at the first okay as my teeth have regressed more than I like in the years since then.

My experience spanned the transition from full metal face to when clear braces and colored elastics made having braces more of a style statement than a dental issue. Even so I don't particularly remember getting teased about it despite having periods where I had to wear headgear (thankfully, that part was limited to the summers).

It was a glorious day when I was able to switch from full-time braces to the retainers. But I think less of a joyful day than when I switched from glasses to contacts as wearing glasses was, and remains a much more negative portion of my self-image.

Despite the lengthy span of my journey, braces was just something I was going through, not a negative part of my identity. Perhaps that's what needs to be emphasized?

[Aryn]

I had the whole package, bite plane (like a retainer but to fix an overbite), then headgear, then braces (with rubber bands for a while). The headgear was the WORST. hurt and so embarrassing to be seen in. So after that, braces were no big deal.

I gave up on my retainer before I was supposed to, so my teeth have shifted now. My husband's teeth have also shifted, and he wore his longer than me.

We both had horrible experiences with orthodontics (though I'm sure it's much improved in the last 15 years!), and we have agreed that our kids won't get braces, etc. unless they are completely necessary or they really WANT them... going through all that when you don't even care about the result is no good.

[Amy]

It seems to me you might be overthinking the braces. I had terrible teeth. I was also a kid at the bottom of the totem pole. I don't remember being teased for braces. I know I was embarrassed of my teeth and really looked forward to getting braces. My husband is from an Indian family and never got braces. I noticed when we received our wedding photos that he was not smiling during them. He told me he had always been embarrassed by his teeth. His teeth were really not that bad, but he got retainers to fix them and he is much happier.

My 6th grader has had braces for a month. He has been dying to get them. He has my teeth and really needs them. The one thing I wish I had done differently was remember to give him ibuprofen before we went to the orthodontist. It really helps to give it before the pain kicks in.

My other advice is don't worry that it is a big negative deal. I think it would be more negative if it wasn't fixed. Also, if he senses your negativity, it will color his opinion of braces. What does he think about braces? Go from there as your discussion point, don't put your worries on him.

[Anonymous]

I had braces at 12, but got made fun of more for the retainer that I got at 14 because I just could not leave it in place, so I constantly popped it in and out of my mouth. I quit wearing it early, and my teeth have not moved. Socially, I think it will be no big deal to him.

I do remember thinking that my mom thought she was doing this great thing for me by spending all this money on my teeth (something I appreciate more now), but thinking that she didn't really understand how much it sucked to have braces. They hurt when they get adjusted and it's just awkward to always have something extra in your mouth. So be patient if he doesn't act too grateful.

[Dina]

Braces were cool in my middle school--there was definitely a "look" that went with them, and I remember using various cords and things to simulate them when friends and I were playing, before we got braces of our own. (Headgear, well, not so cool, sorry to say.)

[Chris]

A girl in my daughter's class last year had braces (3rd grade!) and they were no big deal. The girls all thought they were awesome.

My poor younger sister had braces from ages 10-16 and she was so happy when they came off! She was comically awkward at first (braces + glasses + Annie style perm all in the same month) and the headgear was awful for her, but she was never picked on for them. She is lucky, her teeth still look beautiful today and she is now in her late 30's.

[Lisa]

I had headgear starting at about 10, but I only wore it at night. But holy crap it hurt! But it was worth it because I had a really awful overbite. Then I got full metal at 14, which seems late, even for back then. (Maybe the orthodontist needed to make a boat payment. HA.) They werent terrible, and I only had them for a year. As with others, so many people also had them that no one ever said anything.

Except, now that I think of it, my mother, who instructed me to smile with my mouth closed for class pictures because she didn't want to see the metal. That remains the worst school picture I ever took. Thanks, mom.

[Barb @ getupandplay]

I had braces in high school which felt very awkward since all my friends had them in junior high and were done by the time I got mine put on. But it really wasn't *that* big of a deal.

[Jody]

Two of my three kids got braces in February. They are night and day in terms of worrying about life/thinking about appearance but I can't say that having braces has affected EITHER of them that much emotionally. (Physically, _I_ felt panicky that first week. Flashbacks to my own adjustment, I think.)

Both of the kids had to get a Herbst Appliance, the internal version of head gear, which FILLS your mouth with metal AND creates these jutting, Neanderthal-ish bumps under the lower lip. I really thought maybe we'd made a mistake, except that headgear has to be worn twice as long as a Herbst, and success depends entirely on the child's discipline wearing it 12 hours a day, including on days when there are evening sports practices and sleepovers -- which, NO.

And it turns out, again with two kids with VERY different personalities, neither one of them is that affected by it. Some kids have braces now, some kids are in the braces-free space between their two-stage braces process, some kids know they're getting braces -- it just doesn't seem to be the bullying target/trauma that I remember from all the movies and after-school specials of my 1970s/1980s childhood.

Obviously YMMV but I think the odds are good that kids with braces can see it as a temporary stage in life and not a big part of that whole "figuring out who I am and how I'm seen in the the world" process.

[Jacquie]

I got braces, glasses, and a horrible perm in the same month. The only one of these I don't regret is the braces: I needed them. They hurt & were a pain to take care of but if you need them, you need them.

[Kate]

I had braces from 11-13. They came off 2 weeks before my Bat Mitzvah, which made my mom terribly happy.

I was teased for a lot of stuff, but not braces.

Worst part? Headgear in preparation for the rest. I didn't wear it to school, only at night, but I never could learn to sleep on my back (I still can't!). Took forever to fall asleep and always woke up with pain. In retrospect I don't know why I never raised the issue with my orthodonist or my parents. (Or maybe I did and was told to suck it up?)

[Jenn S]

I didn't get braces until my freshmen year in high school because my mother was convinced I didn't need them. It was only after switching dentists that the new dentist told her if I didn't get my teeth fixed, I'd have no bottom teeth by the time I was in my 40's because of my bite.

I have to say, it never bothered me having braces and in fact, I think my teeth came out better because I had them as an older child. When the orthodontist showed me the pictures of people who had not brushed/taken care of their teeth while in braces, I was so horrified that I obsessively brushed for the almost 3 years I had them on.

My brother, on the other hand, got braces at a more traditional age and I don't think it bothered him either because frankly, everyone had braces where we grew up.

[Jody]

Oh, practical stuff: buy a lot of the little "proxy brushes," which are sold beneath the dental floss. They look like tiny pipe cleaners with (usually) orange handles, and they are great for cleaning teeth when you can't brush.

We bought a water pik because there was almost no chance in hell that my kids were going to manage the thread-flossing process, and we sprang for a fancy electric toothbrush for them to share, and both the orthodontist and the dentist have been raving about how well they're keeping their teeth clean. The toothbrush may or may not be overkill (one of the kids has huge oral defensiveness so just getting her to brush her teeth has been a struggle for years) but the waterpik was worth every penny.

Milkshakes, mashed potatoes, every soft food you can think of. Also ditto on the "give ibuprofen/acetaminophen before an appointment" idea.

And finally, it's a lot grosser seeing my kid's teeth covered in bits of food than I expected it to be. Now I know why my own mother was always after me to brush after meals when I had my own braces. (Shudder)

[Laura]

I had braces in high school. Other people had had them in middle school. Better to have 'em when other kids do, but my teeth weren't 'settled' until high school so....

[Awesomemom]

I started in the 6th grade and was in them fro two years. I had head gear which I only had to wear after school and at night, so it was not a huge deal. Honestly I am glad I got it done earlier because I was glad I was not having to deal with braces in high school. If your son has any interest in playing a brass instrument then make sure he gets the wax to put on his braces. Until I got some I was getting impressions of my braces on the back of my top lip whenever I played my trumpet.

[Kate F]

Yeah, I don't remember braces being a social problem, and I had them in 5th-7th grade. Everyone else did, too. The people I pity ate the ones who got them late--a few friends had the clear ones in HS and that was bad. You're starting to date, fewer people have them, etc. but I think it's a middle school rite of passage, practically!

Of course, I had huge glasses as well (thanks, early 90s), and my features grew before my face did (so much nose/mouth), do the 6th and 7th grade pictures are pretty hilarious.

[Rayne of Terror]

I had braces in late jr high school. Everyone seemed to have braces at the time. It was no big deal. Now my sister had painful braces that spread her upper palate because of TMJ so I think she would remember them as a big deal because of the pain, but not because of any social stigma.

[sadie]

Braces were cool in middle school. No worries. It is good to get them off by high school, though, so my recommendation is just to start as early as possible.

[Charisse]

I had braces 11-13, and at least half the kids my age had braces at the same time. Was a non-issue socially. Dealing with a retainer in high school was a little more of a hassle, but still, it's such a common experience it wasn't much of an thing. Do make really, really, really sure that your son goes to a good orthodontist. My husband had the experience of going to an incompetent one, and then having to have additional years to correct the damage that had been done by the first one. He had braces from about 11-nearly 17, and he really hated it. (The first, bad ortho had him in a ridiculous headgear contraption that he had to wear day and night; then he was in braces much later than most people with the correctives.)

I too had the experience that getting them on and getting them tightened hurts a good bit; like others I got milkshakes and soft dinners and got through it fine. Just do a bit of research and make sure you get a solid recommendation, then take good care of him - TLC from my dad helped a lot, but he didn't really baby me - just ice cream and what did I want for dinner, and "aw honey, that sounds yucky but you know it will be better in a couple days".

[Carolyn]

Eh, nobody likes braces, but they're SO common these days that I think you can take a deep breath and just let go of it. Almost everybody has them at some point, so it's not much of a social stigma anymore. (I'd say anywhere from 6-12th grade, you'll probably see people wearing them, so it's not even too much of an age issue). I think it helps to keep in mind that there is an end in sight and a purpose for the braces (so even if you don't like having them now, it'll be worth it for the straight, beautiful teeth you have at the end).

As far as tips, as someone else mentioned, the Water Pik is TOTALLY worth it (SO MUCH EASIER than flossing between all those wires!) The first few weeks are the WORST as far as pain goes. All the subsequent tightenings make you sore, but not to the same degree (so don't let that initial week or two freak anyone out!) Rubber bands tend to be pretty painful every time you have to start wearing them, so, make sure they're dilligent and get through that quickly! I kept a small mirror and travel toothbrush in my purse (or my mom carried it for me, if I didn't have a purse) so that if anything was stuck in my braces after meals in public I could easily get it out in the bathroom.

And finally, instill in them a healthy respect for the work that is going into their teeth, and make sure that they use their retainer when the braces are off! 15 years later, I still use mine, and my teeth look great. My brother stopped wearing his, and his teeth have all moved back. What a waste of time, pain, and MONEY!

[Courtney]

I needed braces and never got them, and I'm still bitter about it. I think getting them in fifth grade is way better than during junior high (horrors) or later, which is what I'm about to do (Invisalign at 32! Thanks for the deal, Groupon!).

And honestly, so many of his friends are probably going to be going through the same thing, it's not as awful in terms of feeling different from everyone else.

[Amanda]

I had braces from ages 15-17. I was on the older side for sure, but by the time I got mine on there were loads of other kids in my age group who already had them. Of course, they mostly all got theirs off before I did, but I don't remember feeling self-conscious about it at all. Mostly I was just glad to be getting my awful teeth fixed! I don't remember anybody at my school being teased for having braces.

[Susan]

It's no biggie, in my opinion. Most of my friends had them at the same time, and I knew it was temporary. My tips are to be sure to have plenty of wax for protecting from abrasions, and keep spare wax everywhere. Wax and ibuprofen are the ultimate pain relievers. And, retainers: Have spares made at the time of the originals. Wish I'd done that, and so do my bottom teeth.

[Spacemom]

I got braces in 6th grade and got them off in highschool. The best thing ever done.
It hurt during adjustments, but to be honest? I am thrilled because I have awesome teeth!

[Brigid Keely]

I got my first set of braces when I was 7 or 8, for a year, then had a retainer for a year, then had braces again until I was 17 or 18. I didn't really care socially, except I couldn't chew gum or eat nachos and had in general to be careful of eating. The biggest thing was the pain, and that my orthodontist was a jerk. One of the biggest things that helped me was dental wax/orthodontic wax. G.U.M. sells it and you can find it at stores near the flossers. You just stick a dab of that over any protruding bits of wire that are causing pain, and it's really helpful.

[eep]

Make sure he brushes, flosses, and does extra upkeep on his teeth. My teeth are still weak in some places due to the braces. And prepare for the worst morning breath you have ever encountered. Mouth gear does something terrible to normally awful breath, and turns it into something that can peel paint.

[ARC]

Ugh, the pain!! I got mine off before high school and don't remember any teasing. Be sympathetic about the tightenings - those were the worst. I also had a weird orthodontist who liked to give lots of hugs, etc that I didn't want or need, so that made it worse but I never said anything :( I felt like I spent a huge chunk of my preteen life at the orthodontist, so it would have been nice to have one who was less weird/creepy.

Good luck!

[My Kids Mom]

They were traumatic for me, but these days kids think they're cool. Don't let on that you have any worry and your son may not ever notice any issues. Other than having to give away half his Halloween candy...

[Sue]

I didn't get braces until I was 15, which was after most of my friends had gotten theirs off. I was a little embarrassed, but honestly my teeth were embarrassingly crooked before the braces so it was no worse. My braces never really hurt as such, just a feeling of tightness after adjustments. I second the suggestions of the little proxy brushes and a water pik. Also, keep all your appointments and make sure he does exactly what the orthodontist tells him to do as far as rubber bands, etc., and they will come off quicker. The suggestion for a spare set of retainers was a great one too. The time it takes to replace a broken one can have a big impact sometimes.

[Bonnie]

I had them from 6-8th grade (or maybe 7-9?). They were fine. I was a little self conscious about them but like others who have commented, I got them around the time when other kids in my class got them, so it was fine. I wasn't teased or made fun of for them.

My dentist has said that retainers are basically going to be permanent--as in, after you wear them all the time post-braces, you should wear them in your sleep every night. My teeth have shifted because I gave that up in college (better for kissing...only partially kidding) and if I want them perfectly straight again I am going to need braces again.

[SarcastiCarrie]

My husband got his braces early (middle school-ish) then when he had a growth spurt in HS/college his jaw grew significantly. It is possible that he never would have needed braces if they had waited (his teeth were straight but not everything lined up right and there wasn't a lot of room).

As it was, he had to have braces put back on in his early 20s, which ticked him off royally. He made them tighten them within an inch of his life whenever he got home to have them tightened so he could be done with them. And he says one year on Thanksgiving when he was home from college, they tightened the heck out of them and he had his Thanksigivng dinner all ground and mashed up.

He is supposed to still be wearing a retainer at night but I think he gave that up when he first had hopes of waking up in a bed next to a girl.

[TheSpectrum]

As other people have said, braces weren't really a social outcast thing in my school either. In fact, I had a crush on the coolest kid in school and he had braces in 5th grade. Dreamboat!

I didn't have them until 10th grade and proudly wore them while playing Sandy in Grease in the HS musical. (OH MY GOD.)

The best thing my mother did was sympathize. Particularly when I'd go have them tightened. She told me she could clearly remember how each tooth feels like a little headache, which was exactly how it felt. I was in that funky teenage daughter place of really needing my mom but also being so frustrated about that at the same time. Her taking care of me with regards to my braces is a really sweet memory of mine.

[Carla Hinkle]

I had braces from about age 12-14 -- 6th to 8th grade, I think. Pretty much a non-issue. Lots of kids had them and it was great to get it finished up by high school. I also had pretty much every retainer, etc known to man (EXCEPT headgear, thank God I was spared that). I got teased for stuff in middle school but never the braces.

[Sarah]

I had braces for a couple years in junior high/early high school and remember that they were logistically kind of annoying (sore after being adjusted, had to cut corn off the cob and be careful about certain other foods) but socially they were no big deal. So many other kids had them that it was basically a rite of passage - I think I even kind of looked forward to getting them.

[Therese]

Due to financial constraints, I wasn't able to get braces until I was 19 years old. Although my teeth weren't horibble (basically a huuuuge David Letterman style gap), my self worth increased by about 1000% when they were removed. As challenging as those middle school years were, I would have much preferred to have braces then (especially because everyone else pretty much had them anyway) than waiting until college! It just seemed normal for that 10-15 age range for people to have braces. I even remember people in college asking why I had braces because "I thought you were supposed to have those in middle school."

[Celeste]

Better to get braces over with before high school. The teeth move easier and it takes less time. Also the younger kids look kind of cute in them. The older kids, not so much. The awk factor is tremendous.

[emily]

Yes to orthodontic wax - a real life saver! And to trying to not schedule orthodontic appointments near fun events.

[Amanda]

I didn't get braces until my sophomore year of high school. I loved loved loved them (I had really jacked up teeth), and was thrilled my parents were finally able to squeeze them into their very tight budget.

Socially? Not even a consideration. They are so common and normalized that I don't think it was ever a thought.

[LivLaughEat]

I'm a weird kid...I really wanted braces and was thrilled to be told I needed them. (I wanted them all through Jr. High but my parents didn't have the money till later.) I wore them (proudly) 9th grade through freshman year of college (had some stubborn front teeth). They were uncomfortable at times (use that wax!) but I loved it. Make sure brushing and flossing happens EVERY night. I got lazy about it and so much food and stuff got stuck, it took a long time to fix all the cavities and damage I let happen.

[Alexicographer]

Add me to those saying so many kids get braces, it's a non-issue.

I did fine with braces and was diligent with the headgear, and then somehow my orthodontist removed my braces and gave me this "positioner" to wear -- it was a big mouthpiece made out of black rubber with holes in the middle (so I was supposed to keep my top and bottom teeth in it and my mouth closed ... all the time? ... and breathe like Darth Vader. Riiiight.). I was supposed to wear it day and night. SO not happening (I was probably 13, and I might have done the night part but I sleep with my mouth open and it would fall out. And no way was I wearing that thing to junior high. And even if I were? What was I supposed to do, pop it out every time the teacher called on me?).

I have NO idea what he was thinking, but not only did I not wear the positioner, then I didn't wear the retainer that replaced it having -- apparently -- learned that such things aren't actually mandatory (unlike the headgear which, as noted, I wore diligently, despite it being uncomfortable). I have no idea how much damage that noncompliance did to the thousands of dollars and several years worth of orthodontic work that had already been completed but OMG what a moron (the orthodontist, not me!).

Which is a long way of saying I'd recommend that you talk with your son's orthodontist about needing to discuss and OK each next step in the treatment plan before it happens. For the record, my orthodontist was a well-known and -liked professional in a university town (one with a good dental school!), not a fly-by-night character. To this day I have NO idea how he imagined that what he wanted me to do was ever going to happen, or why it wasn't discussed and other alternatives explored before we proceeded.

[Jill]

Everyone gets braces it seems. I don't remember it being any sort of a big deal except for kids with head gears. Do they even do those anymore?

[Jill]

@Alexicographer - I had the EXACT same experience except mine was white. And I wasn't supposed to wearing 24 hours. Just 6 during the day and all night. But I didn't even do that. Stupidest thing ever.

[Rbelle]

I agree with everyone else that socially it's likely to be a nonissue. I started wearing glasses in 3rd grade, never had to wear braces, and wished at the time it was the opposite. I don't remember anyone in my class specifically having braces, but all the "cool" kids seemed to wear retainers at my school, and sometimes when I was in the privacy of my own home, I'd unbend a paperclip and put it across my teeth to pretend I had one too.

[Jennie]

My nine-year-old just got his braces off (they were correcting an under bite). If anything, the kids at school thought they were cool. These days, at least where we live, pretty much everyone has orthodontia during the pre-teen/teen years and it's really no big deal. The bigger deal was the pain and the orthodontist telling him he would get them off, then waiting another month, etc. Like many others have said, I think socially it's really not going to be a big issue.

[janel]

I had braces (as well as retainers, head gear, neck gear...) and I didn't think they were embarrassing at all. In fact, at that age having dental gear has a certain amount of cache. (At least for me. I was a slightly nerdy but self-assured kid.) I've always thought it would be more embarrassing to have braces as an adult, since it's not the social norm.

And also, as an adult I am very grateful to my parents for making this all happen. My teeth were really a mess and if they hadn't been fixed, my appearance would be really different.

[laura]

We used to unbend paper clips in middle school and form them into "retainers" just to be cool. Everyone wanted braces!

[Elaine]

My sister had horrible teeth and needed braces - a bad overbite with a huge gap between her top center teeth. You could have put another tooth in there. The worst for her was getting the frenulum tissue clipped that attached low on her gum and created the giant space. Beyond that I don't remember her complaining much. I was wearing a scoliosis brace at the same time and always got lots of stares, so I think in comparison she felt normal. And when she was done she looked like Brooke Shields when she was at her peak. The transformation was stunning.

Everyone in my husband's family has the low frenulum attachment and big spaces in their teeth, our 4 yo son included. For DH and his sister it is actually a sign of family pride. They love their gaps. Maybe my son will end up loving his gap too (I hope so) or maybe he will be like my sister and it will be a source of pain for him. If I see his self-esteem taking a hit I'll push for braces, but I know DH and his entire family would be very against it.