Annual school fear post

My kids are actually still gone until Thursday (and I'm not doing well, and wrote about it here: http://blogs.babble.com/babble-voices/magda-pecsenye-moxieville/2012/08/13/missing-them/) but school starts for us in three weeks, and I'm seeing people across the US posting pictures of their kids who are going back to school already this week!

I've finally accepted that the beginning of school is going to bring a lot of fear for me. The kindergarten teacher my older one had, and then his teacher last year, both created so much stress and sadness for us that I can't get past my dread and feelings of helplessness as the new school year approaches.

I know he has a new teacher this year. I don't know anything about her, but I'm assuming she's a rational, good-hearted person. There's still a knot in my stomach, though.

My younger son, thankfully, has only had great teachers, and he's going to have the same teacher this year as last year. He likes her, she likes him, she's got a handle on his speccific academic and social personality, and we've worked out all the two-household-but-parents-are-both-involved kinks. So I'm thinking effortlessly good thoughts about her and the coming year for him.

I know that my missing the kids is making me even more worried about the school year for my older one. And that I'm going to be triggered by the beginning of the school year until he's out of school, probably.

I can't imagine I'm the only one.

So tell me what you're afraid of school-wise. Or what you're happy about school-wise. Or what you're mildly annoyed by school-wise (bus schedules, anyone?). Homeschoolers may gloat and/or lament.

Comments

[Amanda]

Oh my goodness. My oldest starts Kindergarten this year. I've met her teacher and I think she's a lovely person. But Lex is so anxious, I'm really worried about the transition for her. Also, I'm secretly afraid she won't make friends. Aaaahhhhh....

I do think that school will be good for her. She will love learning to read, we just need to make it through the transition successfully.

[Stacy]

My biggest concern this year is that my son, who will be in first grade, will be going to the school's extended day program instead of his daycare center which is where he went last year after school, and where he had been attending since he was 13 months old.

At the school's extended day, he'll be grouped together with all ages (K through 6th grade) and I don't know how well supervised or organized it is. We can always go back to the daycare if it doesn't work out so I don't feel too stuck. But while we've been happy with the daycare center, their strengths are more geared towards younger kids, not school-agers, even though they go up to age 12.

Another general annoyance is the random half days and school closings that we will need to deal with. The school system does not take into account families where both parents work full time. It frustrates me greatly.

[My Kids Mom]

My son started middle school yesterday. He seemed to be calm until the last minute, but then he joined a sea of kids with a look of apprehension on his face that did me in. I went to the car and sobbed. And, I'd forgotten to tell him "I love you."

Today I got up the courage to let him ride the bus. We walked to elem. school so this was a first. It was 20 minutes late and he was down the street where I couldn't see him or talk to him. I'd offered to wait with him, but I guess this was best.

I have to trust that my children will forge their own way. My time to step in and micromanage is over. Now I have to say "solve that problem" and wait. I'm not ready for this!

(I'd be worried about the younger one who has a very strict teacher who I think may not be very compatible with his learning style, but middle school has my head.)

[Joanne]

In our town middle school starts at fourth grade. I'm a little weirded out by my 9-year-old daughter being on the school bus with 8th graders! Should be interesting...

[rebecca]

Amen, Stacey, amen. Son going from private K to public 1st grade and tossed in the afterschool program with K-5 year olds. I am *terrified* but trying hard to quell this so I don't poison him with my own anxiety. Looking forward to random closings for enforced vacation days from work. I have, no kidding, already googled his assigned teacher. Does that make me a good parent or a creepy stalker? We're going to Legoland this weekend to get our minds off the first day of school butterflies.

[Shannon from Royal Oak]

My oldest starts Kindergarten this fall...I am sad that the toddler years and just doing our own thing is over. Now it is strict schedules, packing lunches, saying goodbye through tears. Plus dealing with the stress of just getting her there on time. I know it will be ok, we all survived our first days of school, and so did our parents, but that only helps a little.

[laura]

I'm homeschooling, but my kids have been in a Waldorf-style day camp twice a week this summer, and I'm really thankful that they are not starting school there.

My eldest has suffered through it; nothing terrible enough to pull her out - just chronically burnt-out teachers managing crowd control instead of a warm and welcoming environment. They are kind, but, as my nearly-6 year old hilariously put it: "Not relaxed." ;)

Not that I'm always a perfectly relaxed homeschooling Mama. But if I'm going to pay exorbitant amounts of tuition for a private school, it had better be a hell of a lot more than I can offer at home. LOL.

[Jen]

Ugh, I am teaching a college course for the first time this fall so I have my own school anxiety! I am afraid I didn't plan out the course well, that I won't be able to motivate the students, that they're not going to trust me, that I can't teach AND do my day job, that I will be sick and have to miss class, that I won't be able to keep up with the grading, that I'll get bad evaluations, that I won't be asked to do it again, that I WILL be asked to do it again....the list could go on eternally. I always had huge anxiety as a child and even young adult around the beginning of school, and I expect that will continue. My son is 2.5 and people are already questioning why he's not in PreK. I don't think he's ready yet so we're holding off, but I don't know if that's the right decision. So basically I'm anxious already about NEXT school year and how it will go for him. Sigh. I hate this time of year. Always have.

[Sam]

Thank you for this. I already had a bad flashback to when my son was kicked out of preschool (for not being fully potty trained at 3) when I got a call halfway into his first day at his new school. I am such an optimistic person, and it's just so hard for me to try to reign in my entirely positive expectations. I truly enjoyed school as a child, excelled in it, and that's what I've been holding on to as my ideal even though I have an atypical kid. Right now my fear is that even though he's enrolled in a private, specialized school for his language disorder, they aren't utilizing the IEP he brought with him. I am super frustrated that they're acting like his issues are a surprise and I'm ready to hold their feet to the fire about it. I am putting on my warrior mama boots in dealing with them and also doubling down on working on what we can at home. It's just so disappointing because I didn't expect THIS to be an issue. And hell yes, we're paying quite a bit of money, not to mention the time it takes to drive him there and back. It's no small commitment we're making and I expect them to hold up their end of the deal.

[Rudyinparis]

Well, right now I'm just preoccupied with sorting through all their clothes to figure out what they have and what they need!

I feel happy that we've got them all set for after-school care at their school (it fills, so the process was a nail-biter)--so they won't need to take the afternoon bus. For some reason the afternoon bus fills me with terror, like it would be a daily reenactment of Lord of the Flies or something.

My only anxiety is the unknown factor of what their class dynamic will be. Everything depends on the combination of kids, combined with the strengths (and weakneses) of the teacher. This is something so uncontrollable, on our end, and it plays such a HUGE part in their experience of school, that to just have to stand by and see how it plays out is kind of stressful for me.

[Agnes]

My oldest is starting preK this year, which, since it's in with the elementary school, feels like a big transition from day care. I have been feeling a bit nervous. Yesterday we went in for "meet the teacher and drop off supplies" day. The teacher seems young and it's his first year at this school, though I gather he'd been teaching other places before. A male preK teacher is fairly unusual, though, all things being equal, I think it's good, especially for the boys.

Oldest was very shy but has also been getting more excited about "big boy school". I just hope it goes ok. I also hope he learns something. He can read quite well already, but doesn't test quite well enough to be in a gifted program, so I worry he will have nothing academically to challenge him (I'm sure that doesn't bother him, but it's a worry for me, since I work full-time and there's a limit to how much time I can devote towards enrichment.)

The school is definitely less oriented towards working parents ("meet the teacher" at 2 pm on Monday, and a TON of days off and half-days and so on), and we even have to pay, so it's not going to be much savings this year. It's also way across town, compared with our daycare next door to work, so a lot more time in the car this year.

[Brigid Keely]

I just found out that our public (neighborhood) school's 3yo pre-k program is a waitlist, which I wasn't aware of (it's not on the city's official web page and it's not on the school's web page ha HAAAAAAAAAAAAA) so now I'm scrambling to find a backup in case he can't get in. It's too late in the year to apply to a magnet, charter, etc school (most of which don't have 3yo pre-k anyway), it's probably too late to apply to a neighborhood school that's not ours, and we can't afford tuition. I'm looking at head start programs, which we probably qualify, but are there any openings? I do not know. I'm hugely hoping he can get into the neighborhood school so that I can, you know, start working full time and pay bills. If he doesn't get into school... I don't know what I'll do. :/

[Alyssa]

Not back-to-school, but my son (almost 2) has to transition to a new daycare. His current one - which we LOVE - is closing because the Salvation Army is closing the entire building it's housed in. He generally does well with change, but this is such a big one that I'm not sure how it's going to go. I worry that the new daycare won't be as good of a fit for him, or that the staff won't understand him as well, or he won't be as tight with the other kids, or, or, or...

It's a busy time for both my husband and I as well, since we both work at a university! I just hope that we can help him with the transition as much as we need, and not get bogged down with the fall craziness.

[Brooke]

I'm worried and dreading figuring out before/after care. Next year will be the big decision of start the boy or wait a year, but this year school itself is not a big deal.

[Kate]

Like @Rudyinparis, I'm worried about the class dynamic. I asked that my son not be put in class with the bully, but I suspect lots of other parents made the same request. We won't know the teacher and class until the week before school starts, so there isn't a lot of time to get used to it.

I'm looking forward to the more regular schedule though, I gotta admit.

[Cori]

My oldest is starting Kindergarten this year. He's also moving from a special education pre-k to inclusion in a regular classroom. It's a big change. He just turned 5 in July. It's a daunting knowing that typically-developing boys his age are routinely held back in other parts of the country. I'm trying to have faith that even though it's a big transition, we do have a plan in place to support him and help him succeed.

[Happycampergirl]

I don't know if this is reassuring or terrifying for parents to know but: I'm an experienced and knowledgeable kindergarten teacher; by all external indicators I am pretty good at my job (I lead a twitter community for kindergarten teachers; I present at conferences; my classroom has been featured in the media several times; parents of a wide variety of children request me; first grade teachers give me good feedback on my "graduates" each year), and yet every year about this time I start to wonder if I really know what I am doing, after all, and WHAT IF THE CHILDREN ARRIVE AND I FORGET HOW TO TEACH???

So, you know, you're not alone. We can all be scared together for the first few weeks.

[Abo]

Eldest darts kindergarten and has severe allergies. Am up all night worried.

[Abo]

Eldest darts kindergarten and has severe allergies. Am up all night worried.

[Abo]

Eldest darts kindergarten and has severe allergies. Am up all night worried.

[eep]

My oldest starts kindergarten in two weeks. It's only half day in our county, and he'll spend the rest of the day in the daycare center he has been attending for some time, so it is only a minor transition. He's excited, but I am nervous. I feel the shackles of school schedules, homework, and lost permission slips coming down on us. I know it is a new chapter in his life, and we should all be excited and happy, but I am a little sad and kind of scared.

[Sonia]

Son going into 3rd grade at a tiny, tight-knit, usually awesome private school. 3rd grade teacher should have retired 10 years ago and apparently doesn't get up from behind her desk. Doesn't cope well with children who aren't "average." In a class of 18, 5 read well above grade level, and 5 struggle to read AT grade level. Should be an interesting year. My son is one of the accelerated ones, and I'm worried he's going to languish in her class.

[Anon]

Abo--I really feel for you--this was my number one anxiety when I thought my baby son had a food reaction (turned out he just had some random hives at the same time). All I can say is that the school staff are so much more aware and prepared for this now than when my sister with all her bad allergies went off to kindergarten 25+ years ago (and she was fine). Hugs!

[Goyt]

My sin starts Kindergarten this week. I look forward to it. He has had any trouble handled well by this school during the last two school years.

I freaked out slightly because someone he had trouble with in the past is assigned to the same room. I am keeping an eye on it, but I think he's going to be fine. I do not want to switch him unless it is a problem this year. (Kids mature, have to deal with non friends, etc.)

He'll do well. He's been in some sort of school most of his life. We attend a smaller private school. I've loaded the deck as much as I care to. Time to learn to be in the world.

He is excited. The troubles in this group are small and the kids are great. They will be together through junior high and I feel positive about most of it.

[Goyt]

I meant to type son, not sin. Darn tiny keyboard.

[Charisse]

Going into what would be 3rd grade. In the second year of a brand new school (not just new to us, the whole school started last year) my main worries are "will we get the group pods built in time?" and still a bit of "is this whole thing (radical pedagogical experiment) gonna work" with a bit of "will Mouse be able to rise to the two big challenges her teacher gave her in her final report last year?" They're really spot on and hard - #1: Mouse is very well able to stand up for herself even in large and mixed-age groups, and also pretty well able to lose gracefully; the challenge is to figure out how to use her strong voice for larger goals like a good outcome for the group. #2: getting way more comfortable taking things apart and building with her hands. For whatever reason, it makes Mouse nervous to break things and so I'm working with her to take apart a few household objects over the summer and make cool arrangements of the parts, something she really likes to do.

Buncha logistical hassles related to Mouse being a year or two too young for a solo 5-block walk from school to dance etc. but I'd say I'm in the minor worries category. We'll see how it goes!

[Christine]

Last year was our big-change year here, with child 1 going to Kindergarten and child 2 starting nursery school. It was a rough transition for the first few weeks for both of them, so this year I'm hoping for much plainer sailing as they're in familiar territory.

But it seems we won't know who the 1st grade teacher he gets is till he arrives on Monday morning, and they'll mix the classes up again too, so he may or may not be with friends. I'm not stressing about it - too many unknowns to worry yet, and he's a pretty relaxed kid once he's settled down; he'll rub along well with whoever he gets. I hope.

I'm grateful I can stay at home and don't have to negotiate either the school bus system or aftercare.

[EmJay]

I found my son's teacher last year difficult to effectively communicate with. My son was not placed with the teacher we requested, but I don't really know anything about the teacher he was placed with as she is new. I'm trying to be open minded and relax. My son is only nervous about having to write in cursive. :) My daughter starts Kindergarten and she is more nervous than I am. She was a peer model in the school's preschool and knows the about all the day to day things that happen at that school. She is way ahead of her peers who have never been to the school. I find it interesting that I'm working hard to fill my daughter with confidence and equally hard not project negativity onto my son for what are clearly my issues.

[Alexicographer]

No doubt the year will hold its challenges but for now, just excited: DS is starting a public kindergarten near our home at the school he'll likely attend through 8th grade. He's excited, we're excited, others who have kids in the school speak highly of it (including K), good public school system. I know the earlier starts will wear on me, but overall I think it will be nice to be on a more set schedule -- we have been doing part-time preschool that's not the same every weekday. Here's to kindergarten!

[el-e-e]

I'm nervous because although by 5th-percentile for height and weight 3rd grader HAS grown over the summer, he's still so small compared to all his peers (and even the kids in grades below him). :( He does fine, he has friends, but I know he notices sometimes. I know the kids say things, like "he's so cute." Mine are probably unfounded fears and luckily his big personality helps, but still. A mama worries.

[el-e-e]

Also, I love happycampergirl's comment. :)

[K]

My oldest is starting second grade this year. He had a bullying problem last year, and I felt like it was missed by the teachers. (which maybe means it wasn't as big of a problem as my son made it seem? Is he too sensitive or having trouble getting along with other kids? Another worry.) I'm worried that a problem will occur again and/or that we haven't equipped with enough resources to deal with the problem.

[Wilhelmina]

Everything. How's that for exaggeration? In the UK you start primary school ( Kingergarten and elementary school? 4.5 or so until 11) the year you turn five counting from first of September.

My daughter is taller than average, but is actually more baby-ish than her peers. She has anaphylactic allergies, and we picked the private Montessori because they are very good with that. They are. Peeschool and primary school from 3-11.

But in primary school they wear uniform.
And they will check all wear the uniform. In all its acrylic/polyester glory. She has very severe eczema.She can't wear that.Preschool they did her creams and she wore her own clothes.

Unlike other schools they don't do patches you can sew on. I emailed of course, and rang and now the school is shut until the day before term starts. September 6. I don't want my child reprimanded for having eczema.

She transitions poorly and slowly. Is lively and chatty and popular when happy, but doesn't take change well. All new classmates bar one, all new teacher and assistant and classroom and rules and a new timetable. She does poorly with time pressure.

And I grew up where you were 6 when you started school. 4.5 seems too young.....and she's " younger" than average.

School holiday ( vacation) is 9 weeks and it's tough to keep her amused by myself, but I am so not looking forward to it being over. And like others said, with that the toddler years.....

Meanwhile the school has supplied a social story over starting school and I read that with a bigger grin and more animation than Thumper. I wail alone.......

[Wilhelmina]

That is pre-school. Not peeschool. Although toilet mastery was a difficult and long chapter at the pre-school.

[Rudyinparis]

@Goyt, I thought referring to your child as "my sin" had a nice Regency romance kind of sound to it!

[laura]

@Wilhelmina - Your daughter sounds very similar to mine. The big-for-her-age + emotionally-immature-for-her-age is KILLER (and one of the reasons I'm homeschooling, honestly). We've had really great succes with acupuncture for both her food sensitivities and her mood swings...

Anyway, my heart goes out to you.

[Jill]

My kids started the middle of last week.

We have been so incredibly thrilled with the public school system in our town. Our older child was in private school for a couple of years, and when we switched her to public school, we were nervous. It's been fanfreakingtastic. She's had wonderful teachers, and is always excited to get back to school. 7th grade this year, and growing more independent by the minute.

My younger is more of a challenge, school-wise. He doesn't love it. It's time not spent playing, and so just not that interesting to him. He's incredibly bright and easily bored. And when he gets bored, he gets disruptive. Keep that guy's brain busy and you don't have a minute's trouble. His K teacher last year was new(ish), and her solution was to separate him from the other kids. He was "that kid", the one with the separate desk across the room. Which, no. We put a quick stop to that.

But after a hugely successful summer program experience at his school and lots of recognition for his reading skills, for the first time ever - he was actually *excited* to start school. And his 1st grade teacher seems to really get him. She's brand new, just out of college, but full of energy and new ideas. He adores her. He's happy to go to school every day instead of stalling, and he can't wait until reading groups start. It's going to be a great year.

[Happycampergirl]

Me gain, friends. Just wanted you all to know that this conversation inspired me to start a similar one for teacher bloggers. I'd love for you all to read the responses. The question is posted here: http://www.kinderchat123.net/2012/08/kinderblog2012-new-challenge.html, and teachers will post links to their individual responses in the comments. If you're on twitter, you can also follow the #kinderblog tag. Maybe knowing we are all scared together is the first step to being less scared....

[BethB]

I'm slightly anxious about my older son transitioning into 1st grade. We're at a Montessori school so this is a class with 1st-3rd graders. The teacher he has is one a friend's daughter had some problems with. Like the teacher saying she was below grade level in reading but the tests coming back with the girl being several grade levels ahead. That kind of mistake makes me seriously question how well the teacher is managing her classroom. Of course, hearsay isn't enough to make me request a different placement. We'll have kids at that school for 11 more years so I want to be careful about playing my crazy card. It will just be my job to be on top of things at home and make sure he's working the way he's supposed to.

Funny, I'm not at all anxious about my 3 y/o starting! He's in the same class my older son just left which makes me very happy.

[Elizabeth]

My son is starting Kindergarten. He seems calm and quietly happy about it and I'm mostly looking forward to it.

He's a quiet, rule-follower with average academic skills (i.e. I have no concerns that he'll find things too hard or too easy) and should do alright. However, a couple of things have happened over the last year or so that make me wonder if he is a bit prone to being bullied and left out. I'm hoping he makes a couple of really good friends.

I'm optimistic about our local public school...I think it is well-run and has good teachers. We shall see...

[Elizabeth]

Happycampergirl - thanks for your input!

[Amy F]

I'm homeschooling for the first time (boys in 1st and 3rd plus a 2 year old) after pulling them out of private school that required too much homework and the wrong sorts of challenges. Some days I'm super-excited to start using all the curricula I've picked out. Other days I'm tterrified. 15 left until we start.

[Chris]

We start one week from tomorrow. I say we because I love the first day of school, always have, and my kids do too! We find out teacher assignments this Thursday so I am anxious about that, only because I hate the unknown. As soon as we find out teacher assignments, I can ask a woman at our church who teaches at the same school my 4th grader attends, all about her. My son will be in 1st grade this year and I am hoping he can figure out which way his numbers and letters are supposed to go and just generally keep up. He is one of the youngest and it worries me that we should have held him back.

[Carrie]

My son had an a very grumpy, very pregnant, very unwilling to do anything other than the bare minimum teacher last year. It was kindergarten. It did not set up him for a happy school career. I am scared he is going to get another teacher who refuses to listen to anything I say, refuses to understand that he is an intelligent young man who wiggles a lot but will do ANYTHING if you just give him some bleepin' math worksheets. I'm scared my son is going to never live up to his potential because the current school system is only concerned with getting all children past a certain threshold and doesn't give a rat's ass about the children who are already past that threshold.

And I'm dreading the screaming. Oh dear lord, the screaming about going to school and doing homework. There goes my peaceful home for another 9 months.

[Awesomemom]

Because of some teacher shuffling both my kids are keeping the same teachers. I am super excited and doing a happy dance about that.

[M.]

My older child is skipping a grade. We weren't too concerned about the social aspects of skipping because we thought she would still have recess with her friends, but I recently learned that's not going to be true. She's been making friends easily at camp so I don't necessarily think it's going to be a total disaster, but I worry it's going to be a much harder transition than we'd hoped.

[Lisa]

I'm incredibly grateful and relieved. After a really rocky start with preschool, and an exhaustive roller coaster of a school search, we lucked into the right school for our kid. First off, he had an awesome K teacher last year - imagine Ms. Frizzle in Berkeley - and will have her again for 1st. And the school has been awesome. They didn't blink at his LD, they've helped him overcome the related challenges to a huge extent, they differentiate for his considerable strengths adequately (and are happy to have us supplement as needed). They're socially and emotionally awesome - T needs to process everything verbally, and they really walk the talk with emotional/social stuff, to the extent that his sense of justice is satisfied, he feels safe and heard, etc. The school as a whole values creativity and knows how to deal with divergent thinkers, offers lots of room for making connections and building stuff, etc. etc. AND this year we got quite generous financial aid, which will make our lives quite a bit less stressful. I am obviously in love.

All this to say: I've been on the other side, and it was hell. So good to have your kid in a school/learning situation that fits - I wish that for all here!

[JoAnn in NJ]

My rising 2nd grader struggles in reading and math. Had her tested and she barely qualified for an iep. She goes to Catholic school (our town's public is AWFUL and I've been trying to move for 5 years now - so she can't go there) and she's going to get minimal help. Her teacher last year was just meh...and really didn't like her or me. I'm worried about her new teacher, 2nd grade in particular (I've been told 2nd grade is HARD), her confidence, working with the teacher, hopefully having her best friend in class to help with the confidence...and the worry that if she can't cut 2nd grade she'll have to repeat and where will she attend school then? (I won't let her repeat in the same school - too small)...just a few of my very real worries...we've tutored her all summer long with a private tutor and she still misses stuff...sigh....

[Maria]

My daughter was encouraged not to return to her school from last year, a small private school that I LOVED and that she did not want to leave. *Today* I finally bit the bullet and committed to one of the two other schools we've been considering all summer. An even smaller private school, but with a slightly different educational philosophy ("classical" instead of "experiential"). She is also skipping a grade, from 2nd to 4th.

So many worries! That she will again have social problems, that there will be another bully, that she is too emotionally immature for 4th grade, that the academics won't be thorough enough or challenging enough, that she will never get the hang of legible handwriting, that we will be late to school even more often because it's farther away…

I spent last night ordering uniform-compliant back to school clothes (shopping for uniforms is SUPER boring), and the day today wrangling the extra curricular schedule into submission. By this time next week our routine and our schedule won't look remotely like they do now. Transitions kind of suck.

[Anonymous]

I am freaking out. Not so much about school itself, but about the transition out of parenting a preschooler into parenting an elementary school kid. My oldest is starting kindergarten in just a few weeks and I'm realizing that this era of being a SAHM is coming to a close. The last 6 years have had a ridiculous ton of transitions and I'm not super-pleased with how I've parented through all of them. I'm going to miss my little girl off at school all day (where I'm confident that she'll be as fine as any little introvert in a classroom all day can be) and I can't seem to shake the fear that all the little neglects and squandered moments mean that I've missed my chance. At what, exactly, I'm not sure, but I can't seem to stop worrying about it nevertheless.