Am I the only person getting completely pumped for the Olympics? I have always been more of a Winter Olympics fan, but since I've become a runner and have started swimming I'm getting excited about the Summer Olympics, too.
I was watching the US team time trials a few weeks ago, and was amazed to see that Janet Evans, who is 40 years old and a mother of two little kids, was there competing for the first time in 16 years. She swam really well, even against swimmers less than half her age. She did not earn a spot on the team, but the fact that she showed up and was good enough to be there was amazing to me. After one of the trials, they interviewed her, and this is what she said about it (transcription mine):
"I think swimming was always in my soul, and it was who I was, and I got to a point in my life where my kids were good, and were sleeping through the night, and I thought "I want to swim again!" I don't want to swim to make the Olympic team; I want to swim to see what I can do to be a mom and a wife but also to have a little something for myself at the end of the day, and this is in my soul and what I love, so here I am!"
I'm taking two important (IMPORTANT) things out of that:
1. You are still you, always you, even when you're a parent and your kids are in the front of your mind. And it's ok and wonderful that whatever those things in your soul are--swimming, graphic design, music, actuarial services, etc.--are calling to you even when you can't make time for them, because eventually your kids will need you less and the things you love will be able to be a bigger part of the daily mix of your life than they are when your children are little. And even if you're older than anyone else doing those things, you can still hang, if you love it and work hard at it.
2. Everything is easier once your kids sleep through the night.
Stories, please. What is it you don't have the energy for because you're still in the weeds with little children? And those of you with older children, what have you gone back to once you came out of the long tunnel of babyhood?
When my kids starting sleeping through the night (and were healthy), I took up running. I enjoyed it a lot. I got pretty good at it. Then I got injured and by the time I was better, I was pregnant again (dang!).
I'm curious to see if Misty May Treanor and Kerri Walsh-Jennings can repeat medal in beach volleyball. Kerri got pregnant immediately after the Beijing Olympics, got right back into volleyball two months after giving birth, but got pregnant again right about then (on purpose so that she could have two kids but still have two years to get back in shape for the next Olympics). It will be inspirational if someone with two kids under 3.5 can be a medalist.
Posted by: SarcastiCarrie | July 24, 2012 at 11:21 AM
I've always loved Janet so much! In fact, I'm using workouts from her book to train for my upcoming mile swim. Those words inspire me to make today's much-put-off trip to the pool.
And yes, the idea that you can still be you after being a mom is one we forget often.
Posted by: Shannon | July 24, 2012 at 11:28 AM
Running. I ran before kids, injured my leg when Soleil was 9 months old and didn't go back until last year.
This morning, I had my fastest split EVER.(12.11 min/mi), which shows, not only am I slow, but I am doing this for me!
Me mememememememememe!
Posted by: Spacemom | July 24, 2012 at 11:29 AM
Now that my kids are older, I've rediscovered my love of figure skating, which is something I put aside during those baby years where there was never enough time, sleep or money to pursue it. It brings me so much joy to have this opportunity to do something I love everyday. Added bonus: I've lost a ton of weight. Also - my daughter skates as well and is still young enough that she enjoys the fact that I skate too. :) Agree with Shannon above, it is so easy to forget yourself once you become a mom. New moms... do everything in your power to avoid this.
Posted by: Emily | July 24, 2012 at 11:47 AM
My boys are 1 (still not sleeping through the night!) and 3 right now so I'm definitely in the thick of it. It has been hard for me to accept that I can't do everything I use to be able to do. I don't have as much time but mostly I don't have the energy. I like to do things for others, take them out to cheer them up, make dinner and bring it by when they are swamped. Send gifts/cards for birthdays, etc. I also love to host parties and gatherings and I have to accept that now is just not the time. I get that but its hard since those things are things I really enjoy and fill me but I just have to remind myself that I am in a season of life and it will pass and I will again have time to do all those things.
Posted by: Xsochil | July 24, 2012 at 11:49 AM
4.5 year old not sleeping through the night yet, but I am back into Pilates. Used to be a gymnast until my late teens. It's done wonders for the posture, strength and balance and the sense of being " me".
I have Ehlers Danlos hypermobility so I was in a slump. Literally.
Meanwhile the Olympics are just up the road from me. We all don't know what to expect in terms of public transport, roads and traffic and what not, with some predicting the need to stockpile. Not in this apartment!
But we are terribly excited too, and it's amazing to be here where it happens.
Posted by: Wilhelmina | July 24, 2012 at 11:56 AM
For years, I've been saying that you've got to have something that's yours, not to "fall back on" but to always have. Something you love, whether it's an interest, a vocation, a hobby, a worldview that you can pursue, but something all yours.
Posted by: Nancy Kirk | July 24, 2012 at 12:03 PM
we're still in the thick of babyhood here, with a daughter who is nearly 16 months and one expected in about a month, but i have found that since maggie's sleeping has gotten better (oh the unholy six months after 8 months...), i have found myself being able to watch a TV show that i like and actually pay attention to it, to crossstitch and scrapbook occasionally, to have a plan to organize our home. they may seem like silly things, but there for a while we were barely making it with piles of stuff everywhere and laundry that really never got folded or put away because who had the energy for that? i also work from home, so it's been nice to actually be able to have time to do that and think about how to do it well (or at least better) instead of constantly subsisting on survival mode.
i'm looking forward to implementing this when the baby comes too--my husband's plan is already to take the kids when he gets home and shoo me out the door for a 30 minute walk. i think it will do me much more psychological good than physical, but it can't hurt that either!
Posted by: teachergirl | July 24, 2012 at 12:19 PM
My 3-year-old son sleeps mostly through the night, and before agreeing to consider a second child, I told my husband I wanted to get in shape -- and not with a membership to a gym with treadmills.
I joined a CrossFit box and have loved every minute of the torture I've endured. And, I couldn't have even thought of doing this when I had a baby that didn't sleep. Heck, if I go to bed 30 minutes too late, I can't even make it!
Side note: Thank you, Moxie, for giving moms a place to vent and share hope. Hours earlier, I read a post one of my Facebook friends shared, and it had the opposite theme of this message. It was basically a guilt trip about how moms should be on call 24/7 because "baby needs you and that is your JOB." Well, yes, but women also need time to be something other than a mom. And that's okay too. Your posts always reaffirm that for me, and I can't really put into words how your perspective on balance has helped me over the last 3 years. Just, thanks.
Posted by: Susan | July 24, 2012 at 12:31 PM
I'm doing a sprint triathalon on Saturday. I will finish and be very slow. I have been training as well as I can for months. I have an 8 year old, 5 year old and 22 month old. I still co-sleep with the 22 months old who does not sleep through the night. I conversation I have with myself often when I'm struggling on my swim, bike or run is that I'm doing the best I can in this season of my life. I'm not good at triathalon, but I'm getting out there and moving when I can. There have been tears and moments when I just could not do what I wanted to do because the energy just wasn't there. It is a battle I choose to continue to face even when I feel like I lose most of the time.
Posted by: EmJay | July 24, 2012 at 12:47 PM
LOL "in the weeds with little children" you must have worked in a restaurant at some point. Me too. I'm in the weeds still with my 21 month old but have slowly but surely over recent months been coming back to myself. Reading more, remembering things, hanging out with friends occasionally. It's a process.
Posted by: Vacationland Mom | July 24, 2012 at 01:12 PM
What Susan said, about thanks. And honestly? Sure, but it saddens me a bit that we even have to have this conversation. I am pampered, I know, in now having a SAHH, in having just one kid (though that wasn't by choice), in having been able to cut my work hours down to 30 during year 1 and 35 during year 2 of my son's life, and in having access both to unpaid wonderful extended family childcare and to excellent quality paid care as well. And in that I embrace slovenly housekeeping. So, I get it: I have it easy (but easier now, that DH is SAH, than earlier, when we were both WOH FT or close to it). But still: I have carved out me stuff from as soon post-birth as I was able to, and ... I think doing so should simply be expected. How frustrating that/when it's not (I admit that if I've gotten pushback, and it's a little hard to say as my DH is a self-professed Grump, so he's forever Grumping but I'm forever tuning it out, I'm not particularly aware of it. But I assume others must be or this post wouldn't be here.).
Posted by: Alexicographer | July 24, 2012 at 01:12 PM
For me it was giving up the idea of getting into really good shape (ie losing a bunch of weight). I can adopt healthy habits as part of regular life, but while I have little kids, if I have any time to myself I'm going to use it to do crafty things or read, not schlep over to the gym.
Baby #2 is due soon so I suspect we'll be in Survival Mode for a while again.
Posted by: ARC | July 24, 2012 at 01:15 PM
What if you didn't have a "thing" before kids? I think it's harder to get started in something new than to pick back up something you've always done. I keep saying I'll do THIS now, or THAT now, but then I don't know how to do that and work and take care of kids and sleep, or how to involve the kids in THAT or whatever. Anyway, right now I have a 10-month-old bad sleeper, a 3.5-year-old who comes to our bed EVERY NIGHT even though he didn't use to (I can't even speak English right now...), and a 5.5-year-old who's actually kind of do-able. Maybe I'm not ready to get into a thing yet. Sigh.
Posted by: Jessica | July 24, 2012 at 01:19 PM
Oh, and I meant to add that having kids has actually given me a hobby and a "thing" that I wouldn't have ever thought of before them. So there's that.
Posted by: Jessica | July 24, 2012 at 01:19 PM
My two big kids are 4 and 2 and sleep just fine now. But we've just had our 3rd baby who is now 13 days old so I'm right back in the NB stuff. Eventually I'd love to be physically active again in some form. I love to swim and am good at it. I'd even like to start running again someday. Someday. For now, I have let it all go with the understanding that I just can't do any of that right now.
Posted by: Liz | July 24, 2012 at 01:36 PM
I never really had a hobby or a "thing" before I had kids either, Jessica. I have found that having kids made it necessary to find a thing just so that I had something to focus what little free time I had. So I started running, and that has been wonderful. But I was never a runner before kids, and would have scoffed at the idea. But running gives me goals and benchmarks and quantifiable progress. All those things that motherhood definitely does not give.
And now that my youngest is over 2, and everyone sleeps through the night more often than not, life is different. I feel like life is blooming open like a flower, and there are suddenly possibilities. I have gone back to work full time in a job I abosolutely adore (I am an archivist), my childcare situation is decent, and not having little little kids demanding so much of my attention has allowed me to build a network that is not totally based on parenting. It is very freeing, because while I like to talk about parenting, I also like to talk about other stuff.
I wish I had more time to play around with cooking. Right now it is all I can do to get decent meals that most people in my house will eat most nights. I aspire to an 80% success rate.
Posted by: eep | July 24, 2012 at 01:43 PM
when we got out of the weeds, I started to cook again and i've been cooking ever since, 5-6 dinners a week. I love it. It centers me. And honestly it makes me feel like I am doing at least 1 thing right by my girls, feeding them nice meals.
Posted by: Jenny | July 24, 2012 at 02:14 PM
My kids are just 5 and 3, but so much has changed in the past year! I went back to school this summer and will hopefully get the Bachelor's degree that I started in 1994!
Posted by: Jennifer | July 24, 2012 at 02:43 PM
So timely! I stay home with a 4 and 2 year old and I was juuust starting a small sewing business when the little one started the not wanting to go to sleep regression and not wanting to nap. My evening are gone - back in the weeds! Oh, and exercise - I've decided that it's my fault that I can't "find time" for that. Not theirs. :)
Posted by: dana | July 24, 2012 at 02:55 PM
In my case I started running, at 42, when I weaned my second child. I just wanted to keep the weight that I had lost while breastfeeding off and certainly had no intention of doing anything serious. That was 3 years ago.
I have not stopped since. I run all year round, usually 3-4 times a week, averaging 40-50Ks a week. I have managed to keep that weight off and some and ran my 2nd marathon in May. I even managed to better my husband's marathon time by 10 minutes, which really felt gerd.
Hi Wilhelmina!
We decided we didn't want to be in London during the Olypmics. Wimbledon gave us a taste of what was to come so we decided to get out of there until it was all over. Will have our eyes on Bolt in the 100m though.
Posted by: paola | July 24, 2012 at 04:00 PM
Having two kids (18 months and 5 y.o.) and being in a PhD program means I have to pick and choose-- I can't do absolutely everything I did before. But exercise is critical to my sanity-- I returned to running, yoga and other workouts when both my kids were tiny babies and I did a triathlon when my youngest was 8 months. To me it was about carving out a place and time for myself and taking care of myself so that I could take care of everyone else. Now I'm a lot slower than I used to be and I don't worry about my pace or exactly how many miles I did-- I just get out there and enjoy the time I have to move. And! Today I took a dance class at the gym and remembered, "Oh! Dancing! I forgot, I love dancing!" I realized I haven't been danced in years. So this is my new thing-- find a way to do some kind of dancing at least once a week.
Posted by: BlueBirdmama | July 24, 2012 at 04:01 PM
triathlon! my kiddo is finally old enough to weather the long training days. i'm happy to report that my husband and i both completed a 1/2 ironman in april. it feels fantastic to be a part of the athletic community again - and to finally have a kick butt physique again as well. training for 1/2 marathons with the kiddo in the running stroller just wasn't the same...
Posted by: christina | July 24, 2012 at 05:09 PM
My little guy is 20 months so I'm still in the weeds and we are nowhere near close to sleeping all through the night.
But sleep has gotten a little better after he turned one and I now only feel remotely tired each day, instead of crazy sleep deprived.
The one thing I'm focussing on now is getting back into shape and losing the baby weight. I'm in week 1 of the Insanity DVD workout program.
I realized that it's easy to make excuses and say "well I don't have time to exercise" but I decided I needed to make time.
Granted, it would have been tough doing this workout program last year when I really was a crazy sleep deprived woman who basically dragged myself through each day.
Wish me luck!
Posted by: Mrs A | July 24, 2012 at 06:45 PM
I have a two year old and a seven month old. I miss running, my wimpy version of crossfit, and having friends.
Posted by: J | July 24, 2012 at 08:24 PM
Dancing! Just when my son starting sleeping through the night, we moved. And now, 3 years later (egads), I'm finally, sloooowly getting back into it.
Unfortunately, there isn't much of a dance scene in my new(ish) town, but I'm going to reach out more.
Posted by: Kate | July 24, 2012 at 08:31 PM
I have a 3 year old and an almost 6-month old (this Friday). We keep ebbing slightly out of the weeds and then tripping right back in to them. Oh well. I got in to running 1/2 marathons before the first one, and got back into it when he was about 1 1/2. So now with #2 I have to remind myself to be ok with it taking at least that much time if not more to really get back into running for real. In the mean time I use pinterest to daydream about the other hobbies/projects etc I'll do someday, and the meals I'll cook. I really love cooking and just so rarely manage to think enough ahead of time to really cook a real meal right now. : )
Thank you Moxie and everyone else on this site so much though. I always feel so much better, like I'm not doing a bad job at this mothering thing just b/c they don't sleep through the night, (or whatever other thing I wish they'd do), and I can remember there are lots of other tired moms out there too, with good senses of humor.
Posted by: Betsy | July 24, 2012 at 09:06 PM
Oh this was a much needed post right now. Thank you! I have an almost three-year old who doesn't sleep through the night. And I'm getting a Phd and work part-time, full-time (depends upon the time of year). I put my daughter in a jogging stroller and trot for a few miles a few times a week, but it's a bare bare minimum. Can't wait to get back to martial arts, which I used to study very seriously. I keep reminding myself that even though I'm almost 41, I'll still be able to get back in shape once there's more space and time (and sleep!) in my life.
Posted by: chepkirui | July 24, 2012 at 09:21 PM
It's interesting how many people talk about exercise and cooking...things that fill basic physical needs. I used to write, which I loved, but oddly don't miss that much. I manage to exercise in spite of very young kids thanks to a great nursery at our Y, and I also love cooking. When they get older, I plan to get back to earning money, which makes me feel better about myself..like a real adult.
Posted by: Anonymous | July 24, 2012 at 09:34 PM
We're no longer in babyhood (or even toddler-hood) over here, but still in the weeds sleep-wise. When we do have a patch of sleeping through, I'm always amazed at how much energy I have. And how much easier things are. When I get all that back I'll take more time for making things with my hands. And going out with friends more often.
Posted by: the milliner | July 24, 2012 at 09:39 PM
Photography, blogging, and yoga. My boys are 5 and 2, and are both sleeping well (knock on wood). I took an online portrait photography class about 4 months ago, which inspired me to start a photo blog. I think photography is a great hobby to get into when you have small children, because you can do it while you are with them.
And yoga is a life saver that I make time for once a week, and hope to bump up to twice a week. I'm looking forward to next year when the little one starts a few morning of preschool. I have a mile long list of home improvements that I can't wait to have the time for.
Posted by: Jen Daily | July 25, 2012 at 12:57 AM
Reading about 20 month olds with sleep issues as the mother of an 8 month old is freaking me out a little. But now that our daughter is sleeping better I have gotten back into running and reconnecting with friends. I recently ran a 5k with a friend who had never ran one before. I felt so accomplished just crossing the finish line.
Posted by: Heather | July 25, 2012 at 01:34 AM
Running for me, too. But the big thing is READING! Oh, my goodness, how wonderful, I can actually stay awake long enough after the kids are asleep to read and read and read. I also have started keeping a chocolate stash in my sock drawer. It's so wonderful during the day to look forward to crawling into bed at night with a little chocolate and the time to read, read, read. I luxuriate in it. Bliss.
Posted by: Rudyinparis | July 25, 2012 at 10:01 AM
Drawing, painting, reading, yoga, running, swimming....I've started swimming again while the 2 older kids (3 and 5.5 yo) are in swim class and DH holds the 5mo and chats to other parents by the pool. I manage to swim 1km but used to swim 3km (before work) a few times a week pre-kiddos. Still in the weeds with sleep and find even carving out 25 minutes for exercise after the kids are asleep challenging, but feeling as weak as a mewling kitten isn't fun (plus, the digestive system isn't--ahem--as sluggish if I do so). I am feeling less and less like a zombie all day--but this varies.
Posted by: ML | July 25, 2012 at 10:19 AM
Writing. Struggling to return to it in a way that works for my new life (full-time WAH mom of a six-year-old) - I can't power through he paid work then binge-write for hours like I could pre-kid. So learning to do it in bites - which goes against my nature and is so, so hard. But starting, failing, failing again, failing better. Also finding time for occasional cooking, reading, Pilates - but like the writing those are snatched from the jaws of work and parenting when I can. At least I'm getting a bit of each - and actually *sleeping* to boot.
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I am in the Tunnel of Parenting right now- I have two year old and four year old boys, and twin girls who are just under six months. I am swamped, with four under five.
What I miss: reading, sewing, cooking anything complicated, bellydancing, DOING CHORES WITHOUT INTERRUPTION, sleeping for more than an hour at a stretch.
I know I will get it all back eventually, but right now I am tired and stressed and claustrophobic.
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Reading and writing for pleasure. I remember a pre-baby vacation my DH and I took to a faraway tropical beach. Besides the lovely snorkeling, swimming, and dining on local cuisine, we just lounged in hammocks reading. Ahhhhh....I can't wait to do that again.
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My almost seven year old dauteghr is learning French at school and can already talk circles around my limited knowledge of the language.The other day I playfully called my dauteghr mon petite amie while picking her up from school. (My little friend it's one of the few phrases that I know.)She responded, You're not my friend, you're my mother! Which is very true and reminded me of this article. In the future I'm told I am to call her mon petite fille instead.She can be a very bossy child, but I am still the authority Except in French.I hope things work out for them. Being a parent is hard at any age.
Posted by: Ronaldh | September 01, 2012 at 08:20 PM
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Wow...you did have an action paeckd weekend! Looks like the kids had a great time at the party. And it was super sweet that Rylie got her own cupcake....that is a nice friend :) Glad to see your Dad is up and out and feeling better. Too cute that Rylie needed to bust out the new dance moves at Cracker Barrel :)
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So glad you had a nice break and vacation! I don't envy that drive, but it soudns like it went pretty well. It's great that you have family not too far away that you can go visit and have fun with!
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