Welcome to Moxie Madness!

Welcome to Moxie Madness 2012: Misery Poker Tournament!

64 mothering calamities go mano-a-mano in a single elimination tournament like you've never seen before.

Only one mothering problem can be the champion...

Vote for which problem is worse in a series of shoot-from-the-hip head-to-head matchups that will leave you breathless.

First matchups start Thursday. Final Championship Match April 2. Are you ready to rumble?

Download the Moxie Madness 2012 bracket here. Voting starts Thursday, with 6 match-ups for you to vote on.

All calamities were assigned to divisions and slots randomly.

 

Sears Division:

Miss child's first drop-off at preschool because of work vs. Partner asks "What did you do all day?"

Teething vs. 9-month sleep regression

Child chastized by another parent at the playground vs. Child begs you not to go to work

Family vacation vs. Child won't put on shoes in the morning

Have to pump in bathroom vs. Nap strike

Leak through your blouse at work vs. 3.5-year-old

Your child is bitten by another child vs. Pacifier falls into dirty sand

Stranger chastises you for baby's lack of hat vs. Poopsplosion

Weissbluth Division:

Catch glimpse of your postpartum backside in a mirror vs. Another mom in your mom's group writes a book during naptime*

Persistent diaper rash vs. 18-month sleep regression

Nanny at the playground chastizes you vs. Child says they like the other parent better

Asked if you're your baby's grandmother vs. Baby pukes in your mouth

Nasty look from server while nursing in restaurant vs. 4-month sleep regression

Nursing strike vs. Asked to bring 15 dozen homemade cookies to preschool fundraiser

Your child bites another child vs. Mother-in-law second-guesses you

Leave the house without any diapers or wipes in the bag vs. GERD

Leach Division:

Your sister's baby sleeps 8 hours at 6 weeks old vs. Asked if you're your baby's nanny

Co-sleeping in a queen size bed vs. Pet wakes baby from nap

Waitlisted at daycare vs. Partner can't soothe baby

Carrying baby and bump its head against the wall by accident vs. Child puts golf ball down toilet and plumber can't get it out

You stink like sour milk vs. Business trip when your baby's under 6 months old

Baby sleeps through night but you have insomnia vs. Mommy drive-by from friend

Food allergy vs. Woken up more than two times in an 8-hour stretch

Potty training vs. SAHM shunned by WOHMs at school

Babywise Division:

Asked "When are you due?" when baby is a year old vs. You mix tomorrow's formula bottles and forget to put them in the refrigerator overnight

Crib in a bedroom allllll the way down the hall vs. Mommy drive-by from stranger

Nanny quits vs. Partner soothes baby better than you can

Two in diapers at the same time vs. WOHM shunned by SAHMs at school

Sex for the first time post-partum vs. Partner's business trip when your baby's under 6 months old

You wake up at midnight, drooling, on the floor next to the crib vs. Mommy drive-by from your mommy

"Mom. Mom! Mommy!! MOM! MO-O-OM!!!!" vs. Electricity goes out and you lose your frozen breast milk stash

Mastitis vs. Walk into room to find baby climbing out of crib

 

Be ready to start voting on Thursday! We'll have 6 match-ups that day to vote on in Round 1. Voting will continue on weekdays for the rest of the month, with the Final Match-up on April 2. Download the brackets now to make your picks.

 

 

* This actually happened to me. One of the moms in playgroup was always strangely anal about getting her kid home for naptime, and then after about 6 months she told us she'd written a book during all those naptimes.

Comments

[enu]

Wondering why more of us didn't/don't go totally flippin' bonkers.

[Moxie]

Who says we didn't?

[Linda]

What's a "Mommy drive by"?

[Moxie]

A "mommy drive-by" is when another mom just casually makes an extremely hurtful or judgmental remark, then takes off.

[Courtney]

"Mom. Mom! Mommy!! MOM! MO-O-OM!!!!" vs. Electricity goes out and you lose your frozen breast milk stash

Love this. The other day my son was going "Mama? Mama! MAAAMAAAAA!" Until I asked what he wanted. He walked over with a Mr. Potato Head hat and said, "Mama, this . . . green?"

So worth all that yelling. I will be filling out my bracket now.

[Sarah]

This made me laugh and get stressed out all at the same time.

[Chepkirui]

Oh the perfect antidote to the Monday morning plus mother in law visit blues. Thank you!

[berivan]

This. Is. Awesome. Thanks, Moxie! This should go viral... can we make that happen somehow, please?!?

[Lee]

Oh my word.

So many of those are so familiar, I kept wanting to shout "BINGO" as I was reading through the list!

Good fun Moxie, great idea!

PS: One of those struck such a nerve with me that I designed shirts!
http://www.cafepress.com/nsc_ntn
http://www.cafepress.com/nsc_not_nanny

[carmie]

yesterday's backhanded compliment:

Cashier: "Is that your son?" (he's 5 and wears a size 10-12, comes to my shoulder)
"Yes." (waiting to learn what he did when I wasn't looking)
"That's too bad. Teen moms are a disgrace, but it looks like you survived. Still, you popped out another one to get welfare for." (referring to 3 year old daughter)
me: "Um....I'm 33?"
Cashier: "OH! Well then, um, you are aging very well!"

Wrong on so many levels. Yes, we receive food stamp benefits right now, divorce left me in poverty for now. I paid for our transaction yesterday with cash - it was dog food. But mostly....WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE???!

Also, daylight savings and midterms combined SUCK. Thanks for the laughs, Moxie.

[Christina Turner]

@Carmie - OMG! I would have flipped out. Sounds like you handled it with far more grace. Good for you :)
@Moxie - can't wait to vote!

[Brooke]

You forgot "toddler puts cat poop in mouth."

[PiquantMolly]

Brooke, I live in absolutely inordinate fear of that happening. Ick ick ick ick ick.

[Moxie]

PiquantMolly, Brooke wrote that because she knows it happened to me. Bahahahahaha!

[AmyinMotown]

Carmie, will you please tell me where that cashier was located so I can drive there and SMACK HER SILLY??? Honestly, I'd call the manager on that one, and kick it up the corporate ladder if they can't show you exactly how they intend to discipline her. Whenever I've worked retail, I would have been fired for that before the words left my mouth AND I WOULD HAVE DESERVED IT.

On a happier note,this made me giggle SO hard. Some of these will be tough, but my money is on 3.5 year old to take it all.

[ARC]

@carmie - you are a better person than I am, wow. I probably would have done something arrest-worthy if someone made that comment to me.

@moxie - we are "strangely anal" about naptime here, only because BabyT is a crazy mess if we don't keep to the schedule. But man, I never thought about using the time to do something other than surf the Net or do laundry ;)

[Molly]

In my experience: sleep regressions win EVERY TIME. (But then, I gave birth to an adorable demonspawn who didn't start sleeping through the night until she was 3.)

"Carrying baby and bump its head against the wall by accident" cracked me up because I remember doing it and then feeling like the absolute worst person in the world. Now my kid is 3.5 and covered in random bruises because she's constantly bumping HERSELF into walls (and doors, and furniture, and the floor, and anything else she can run into). It's entertaining to look back on the horrors, but I wouldn't relive them for anything!

[Ann Z]

Carmie, wow! You handled that really well. I'd still be shaking in anger.

So many of these had me laughing, because if I didn't laugh, I'd cry. We've dealt with so many of these recently - the most recent was yesterday's nasty poopsplosion from the 16 month old. At the church nursery. When I didn't have a change of clothes in my bag.

[enu]

Carrying baby and bump her head - how about carrying baby in backpack and she reaches up and pulls the shiny red fire alarm, and makes a pool-load of swimmers stand outside dripping wet for 20 minutes. Oh... in February. And... in Upstate NY. I am no longer welcome in upstate NY. Well, maybe they've forgotten; it's been 20 years last month. No.... I don't think I would have forgotten yet.

[Jen]

hilarious! love it.

[Leah]

This is my favorite thing about March. Hands down.

[Cathy]

Wow. It's funny. And I love the potential matchups in the elite eight and final 4. The only takeaway I have, though, is there is no winner at misery poker. (kind of like in the movie War Games.)

[Slim]

I got a "parents who aren't willing to parent" drive-by just this weekend. Is this stuff never going to end?

[Jackie]

This actually made me cry from laughing so hard. So freaking hilarious. So freaking true.

My 17 month old just puked in my mouth a couple of weeks ago. Not breastmilk spit up... rancid, stomach flu, puke.

Also, I have not slept through the night in 4 years. And I have a 3.5 year old.

[Alison]

Super funny, and I look forward to voting. But I kind of think this needs a disclaimer that these are all the GOOD kind of calamities. Not the true calamities of illness, accident, terrible poverty, etc. I don't mean to be humorless, but while I am in the midst of recurrent-ear-infections, mama-mama-mama, and a whole bunch of other minor calamities, I am still so grateful every day for not having true and terrible problems.

[Moxie]

Oh, Alison, how could anyone make a competition out of real serious problems? That would be cruel. That's why I called them "calamities," because that's such a funny word.

[Wilhelmina]

Chortling at so many but love food allergies vs. being woken up twice in 8 hour stretch.

4 years, 2 months and still true.

@ Carmie that's outrageous, personal venom and hateful and you handled that very gracefully.

[Lisa F.]

Can't wait to vote! Fun, Moxie, thanks!!

[Kari]

I currently have insomnia while my baby sleeps through the night. Insomnia FTW! How many times can I vote?!

[Beth W.]

I probably shouldn't admit this, but I'm one of those moms who wrote a book during naptimes. (It hasn't sold yet, if that's any consolation.)

[Lisa]

SUPER excited about this. I didn't know what a mommy drive-by was either, so thanks for explaining that in the comments.

[Moxie]

Get out, Beth W! What's your topic?

[Jac]

I'm also a mom who wrote a book during the second's nap time. Also haven't published. Toying with the idea of self-publishing on amazon. FWIW, my first NEVER slept so when the second came along happily napping for three hours at a stretch, I absolutely did not know what to do with myself - writing a book is easy compared to dealing with a non-sleeping baby.

Can't wait to vote. The sour milk stink. Gack!

[Shelley]

Thanks for explaining mommy-drive-by.

@Carmie, if that cashier does anything but lick the bottom of your shoes next time, call me. I will bail you out of jail, sight unseen.

And the winner is: 18 mo. sleep regression. Mother of All That's Good and Holy, I am tired.

Runner up: My sister puked in my mouth when I was nine. Not cool.

Thanks, Moxie. The information on sleep regression and tension increasers reaffirmed my lack of desire to try CIO, even while people were telling me to do so.

[parisienne mais presque]

This was laugh I needed yesterday. And all this month, really.

"Mastitis vs. Walk into room to find baby climbing out of crib" reminds me of a priceless moment when my son was 20 months old. My husband and I were in the midst of a kitchen remodeling project and were standing in line at IKEA, arguing with each other, with a giant cart of more junk than could possibly fit in our car, when my in-laws called. They were babysitting, and had a little surprise at nap time.

"Did you know that [le Petit] knows how to climb out of his crib?"

Just when I was wondering what could make a trip to IKEA any worse...

[Linda]

I love that you added in 'asked to bring 15 dozen homemade cookies to a bake sale.' I almost jumped off a cliff that day. Aaah memories.

[Claire]

@Carmie, you were far more gracious than I would have been! Fair play to you for not stooping to her level. Chortling reading through all of these, mastitis vs baby climbs out of cot, is definitely a win for mastitis.

I also wrote a book (well, collated really, as it's a collection of nursery rhymes) which has been published. However, I should clarify, this was when my third baby was little. There is no way I could have written anything when my first or second baby were little, the sleep deprivation was too much and I was busy trying to figure out which way was up! The book is called "Sally go round the stars" in case anyone is interested.

[Erin]

Hahahha, Moxie!

When I had a frozen breast mild stash, every single time there was a storm, I would say to my husband - be prepared to go out and find ice! Are you ready? The power's out - go and get ice NOW. I was nutso about my frozen milk. In fact one time we were without power in a new building, and I marched over to a random person's apartment and asked her (single, childfree lady in her 30s) if I could store my milk in her freezer. She said yes!

I've gotten a rash of drive-bys recently - a couple from parents and a couple from childfree people (the childfree in my town seem VERY CONCERNED about small children who run in wide open public spaces where there are no other people). The neighbor gave my husband a drive by about what my toddler was wearing. He (the neighbor) thought they were PJs. They weren't. I don't know if that made it worse for him or not, but he was Not Feeling how we dress our 21 m.o. WTH?

[carmie]

I'm going to go with child says they like other parent (or other parent's girlfriend, yikes) better.

Truly, my kids are so loud, inquisitive and mischief-prone that I'm used to the drive-bys from strangers. They are both really big for their age, and apparently I look young...this isn't the first time it's happened. In my head, I think about the drive-by asshole watching TV in the nursing home, choking on their teeth, as I smile and wave at the crowds during the Presidential swearing-in ceremony for one of my kids.

[Vacationland Mom]

@ Erin Don't those pajama comments drive you crazy? I mean, WHO the F CARES? Is it such a statement of good parenting if the child has a pair of pants and shirt on rather than a one-piece? Sorry, it just gets me going!

Also SHIT I'm scared, we're fast approaching 18 months (on April 19th). GAHHHHHHHHH This madness will be a great distraction!

[hush]

Being asked "when are you due?"... Suuuucks. It happened to me so often after my first kid. When it happened again in a store checkout line when my second baby was only 1 day old and MY MOM WAS STANDING NEXT TO ME HOLDING MY 1 DAY OLD INFANT, I started crying right there. Baby blues. The clerk felt bad. But I couldn't help it.

@carmie - how you were treated in that store was wrong on so many levels. You handled yourself well. I hope you report it.

[Kristina]

"3.5 year old"
I love that a 3.5 year old is a "calamity" all on its own. Ugh, I am THERE.

[Rbelle]

We're hitting the 18-month sleep regression now, and it's absolutely getting my vote. Although I will say that's it's funnier (if more WTF?) than other regressions. My daughter's new favorite word is "ow." She used to use it correctly, but now she applies it to everything. So all night long, she's rolling around, hunting for the boob, going "ow, ow, owwww." Ow, indeed.

[Erin]

@Kristina - me too! I thought 2.5 was going to kill me, and I have to say for us 3.5 is better.

@Rbelle - I'll never forget our first 18 month sleep regression. If it hadn't been for Moxie I'd have lost my ever=loving mind. He woke up at 4 AM FOR THREE MONTHS, plus woke up 1-3 x per night. AND I was pregnant w/ #2 and very ill.

[Regina W]

And my grand champion is.... Food allergy! Closely followed by GERD, teething, and "Mommy drive-by from your mommy."

[skg]

Co-sleeping in a Queen Sized Bed has my vote. I've done it on and off for eight years with three kids, a snoring husband and a dog. I actually have a heat compress on my neck as I type this.

[Eve]

I made this link my Gchat status, and a childless male friend saw it and emailed me to say, "Jesus, was this list sponsored by Trojan? Because after reading this, I am NEVER having kids."

[wealhtheow]

I LOVE this. But where is "IEP meeting rescheduled three times because the district accidentally dismissed son from services and now can't get him back into the system?" On the plus side, it was hard to be mad about that because his teacher was so outraged over it on our behalf. That one can get matched up with "School goes on lockdown during IEP meeting."

[kristen]

3.5 year old! I have one.

This made me laugh so hard that I cried. I am truly thankful to you people for that.

[Cheap Coach Online]

Thank you very much.I like this site.