Today we need to knock out the next six first-round matchups. Read the description of each problem in the pair, then vote for the one you think sucks more than the other. MY DESCRIPTIONS ARE ONLY FOR EFFECT, and you should vote on how bad YOU feel each problem is, not based on my description of it. Voting runs midnight to midnight, EDT.
Today's matchups:
7. Your child is bitten by another child vs. Pacifier falls into dirty sand
8. Stranger chastises you for baby's lack of hat vs. Poopsplosion
9. Catch glimpse of your postpartum backside in a mirror vs. Another mom in your mom's group writes a book during naptime
10. Persistent diaper rash vs. 18-month sleep regression
11. Nanny at the playground chastizes you vs. Child says they like the other parent better
12. Asked if you're your baby's grandmother vs. Baby pukes in your mouth
Here we go!
Your child is bitten by another child
You pick up your child at preschool and are met at the door by the teacher. Your sobbing child is rubbing their arm, and the teacher tells you that another child in the class, the one you always thought was too wild, has bitten your child. No broken skin, but there is a distinct bite mark on your child's arm. Your child cries the whole way home.
vs.
Pacifier falls into dirty sand
You've just decided never to come to this playground again because the sand is so filthy and you're going nuts trying to keep your kid distracted and entertained by the slide. Having made that decision, you relax your attention for the exact amount of time it takes your toddler to rip the pacifier out of their mouth and fling it, making a perfect David Wellsian arch directly into the ratpoop-infested sand.
VOTE
Stranger chastises you for baby's lack of hat
Your big-headed, delightfully willful darling does not like to wear a hat. It can be a problem in the winter, but now that it's 50 degrees F (10 degrees C) outside, it's all copacetic. Until the stranger with the loud voice walks up to you on the street and insists, "You should put a hat on that baby!" and looks at you like she wants to call Child Protective Services. It's 50 degrees out.
vs.
Poopsplosion
Whoa! Out the sides of the diaper, out the sides of the onesie, soaking through the pants onto the stroller and blanket, up the back of the diaper up to the baby's neck and out the neck of the onesie into the baby's hair, all over you and your phone and the diaper bag. You notice a glob on your eyelash when you blink. And the baby's just smiling.
VOTE
Catch glimpse of your postpartum backside in a mirror
You know how your hips spread during pregnancy? And they don't go back right away? And you feel so much smaller once the baby's out of you, but you're not? And you didn't need to know that, because "9 months on, 9 months off" is really a good guide and not everyone has a personal trainer and chef and nanny? Well, then yes, curse that stupid mirror.
vs.
Another mom in your mom's group writes a book during naptime
She was always so quick to take off after playgroup, wanting to get her daughter down for a nap. You wondered why she was so anti stroller nap, or why she didn't want to hang and get an iced coffee or just keep each other awake during the early afternoon mom-slump. And then one day she announced that while the rest of you had been napping yourselves, or on FB, or cleaning, or just staring off into space, she had written a book in 90-minute increments during her daughter's naps. And you knew she wasn't trying to one-up you, but still...
VOTE
Persistent diaper rash
This is not "slap a little Lansinoh on it" and it'll go away. This is not even triple paste and air baths. This is persistent, weepy, red, scaly, ugly diaper rash that fades but doesn't go away and then comes back full force and makes your baby cry and cry.
vs.
18-month sleep regression
What? the? hell? Running leaping just-talking toddler, who has been sleeping through the night for months, suddenly wakes up three times a night and won't go back down. It's like her body just won't let her fall asleep, but she's agitated and cranky and screeches when you fall asleep with your forehead on the crib rail. It is insulting and perplexing and makes you wonder if you've done something horribly wrrong.
VOTE
Nanny at the playground chastizes you
Out of the blue, a nanny at the playground turns to you and tells you you are teaching your child badly, that your child is not a "good sharer," and that you let your child get too dirty, and that this is why the nannies at that playground don't let the children they watch play with your child. Stunned.
vs.
Child says they like the other parent better
Whether it's a toddler hiding their face from you and reaching for the other parent, or an older child telling you straight out they prefer the other parent, it's a gutpunch. Especially if you're the one who does most of the caregiving and you child rejects you for the other parent. Worse than any romantic rejection could possibly be.
VOTE
Asked if you're your baby's grandmother
So yes, you haven't been getting enough sleep lately, and maybe you could use a haircut, and maybe you're walking around in maternity clothes like Caillou's grandpa does, but when the woman YOUR SAME AGE at the store asked you about your grandson while pointing at your son in the stroller, well, that is just hurtful.
vs.
Baby pukes in your mouth
Poor sweet crying baby. You wake up and go to get the baby from the crib, pick them up and just as you're saying, "It's okaaaa--" the crying baby throws up directly into your mouth.
VOTE
Schedule update: We are only voting in two match-ups over the weekend, and voting will open Friday night at midnight EDT and close Sunday at midnight EDT (when Monday's six match-ups will open for voting).
It's a good thing we're not doing this for money. I must not be the typical "Ask Moxie" mom, because I'm losing every single question!!
Posted by: Sharon | March 16, 2012 at 08:46 AM
Sharon, I think they depend on which things you've experienced. My first was a bad sleeper, so no regression; my kids wouldn't take a paci, so no dropping in the sand; my playground skews towards teen moms rather than nannies. My daughter is almost 4, so I'm sticking with 3.5 year old for the win.
Posted by: Callie | March 16, 2012 at 08:53 AM
Is anyone NOT betting on 3.5 for the win?
Posted by: Slim | March 16, 2012 at 09:22 AM
I cannot believe the 18 month sleep regression could be even close to anything else. (I may not have gotten more than a broken 4 hour chunk of sleep in 3 months)
Posted by: Leah | March 16, 2012 at 09:24 AM
@Slim, your comments (both here and on the poll) are cracking me up!
Posted by: hush | March 16, 2012 at 09:27 AM
I have had 2 3.5 year olds and 2 9 month sleep regressions, and my vote is for 9-month. Seriously a near-death experience.
Posted by: flea | March 16, 2012 at 09:40 AM
Sleep regressions weren't really issues at our house. Teething with the first was no big deal. Teething with the second was TERRIBLE. And I don't care what strangers say.
Of course, the 3.5 year old was CHARMING this morning, which is why three and a half is so bad because you know they don't have to be assholes, and yet, they so often are.
Posted by: Brooke | March 16, 2012 at 09:42 AM
I think if you're looking at the sleep regressions only in terms of sleep, they might not be comparable to some of the other horrors on the list, only because so many of us have all-around bad sleepers, so they don't feel like much of a change. But I'm taking the 18-month sleep regression to refer to the age as a whole, which is making me want to flee the house more than any age since she was mere weeks old, right now.
And if I could have voted on what to put in the brackets, I would have included "had to give up chocolate because it helps your kid sleep better." I am happy to have a (sometime) solution to (some of) our sleep woes. I am not happy that I figured out right in the middle of Girl Scout Cookie season that more than the occasional chocolate indulgence on my part can triple or even quadruble our night wakings. Boo.
Posted by: Rbelle | March 16, 2012 at 11:17 AM
I have a 3.5 year old and, because I am pregnant, cannot have a bottle of wine (or whine). And the 3.5 year old is having a sleep regression and mommy favoritism just as I am about to have another baby and a lack of sleep and fewer arms than normal. I think he's doing it on purpose because sometimes he's really aware and smart. And other times, he is slowly killing me with irrationality.
Posted by: SarcastiCarrie | March 16, 2012 at 11:31 AM
That's a good point, Rbelle. My first two were bad sleepers who did the 18m regression basically as usual - lots of waking but nothing that out of the ordinary. My 3rd was a good cosleeper but is a horrifyingly awful 18mo. She is lucky she's adorable.
Posted by: Leah | March 16, 2012 at 11:48 AM
All this talk of 3.5 year olds is making me feel so much better about my little Jekyll and Hyde. Sometimes she's so smart and funny and delightful, and others I just sit there and wait for her head to turn all the way around like the girl in the Exorcist.
Posted by: Molly | March 16, 2012 at 11:54 AM
@Molly - When my DS was 2.5, I really did think some days that someone had replaced my adorable, charming, loveable toddler with the spawn of satan. I thought he was lost and never coming back. Turned 3 and viola! Charming, adorable, loveable child again. Those periods of disequilibrium are ROUGH.
Still, 18 month sleep regression almost killed me, in a totally different way.
Posted by: Erin | March 16, 2012 at 12:29 PM
I have an 18-month old. I think in the past month I have gotten a 6-hour stretch of sleep twice.
Please tell me it ends. Please.
Posted by: PiquantMolly | March 16, 2012 at 12:38 PM
Voting on these matchups has made me realize that I really don't care what strangers think of me or my parenting, which is nice to know.
Posted by: electriclady | March 16, 2012 at 01:08 PM
PiquantMolly: My youngest is now six. On the weekends, I am the first one up. I have tea and read the newspaper.
But when my kids were younger, there was a time I was so tired I once fell asleep at a stop light.
It gets better.
Posted by: Slim | March 16, 2012 at 01:10 PM
I voted for the paci-in-the-sand, but only because I had to pick something -- couldn't get worked up about either option -- never been there.
What I want to know is...where is "1-year-old picks up cigarette butt from playground and eats it" ??
Because I *have* been there. And I'm still worked up about it, 5 years later!
:)
Posted by: Tine | March 16, 2012 at 01:22 PM
Is parenting while sick in the mix? Dealing with a sinus infection AND a 3 month old was.....unholy.
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Posted by: Jordan 5 | March 16, 2012 at 10:51 PM
Oh god yes, Dr. Regina. I remember trying to use a breast pump with stomach flu. I wish I didn't.
Posted by: PiquantMolly | March 17, 2012 at 10:15 AM
@ Slim: LOL!
@ PiquantMolly: not to be a big stinker or anything but I haven't gotten a 6-hour stretch of sleep since I was 4 months pregnant! My son is 17 months today. Yeesh.
@Rbelle: please write to me, we can share things we've discovered about our bad sleepers, commiserate, anyone else too, I can use all the help I can get (my son is up atleast every 2 hours all night, every night, and we bedshare). I feel like my coworkers must think I do drugs, my eyes are so bloodshot every day.
Posted by: Vacationland Mom | March 19, 2012 at 08:53 AM
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Posted by: Cheap Coach Online | April 11, 2012 at 06:05 AM