Kids and public restrooms

Remember the yearly discussions about what to do about Santa? I took them over to the Christmas site. Last week it was what you tell your kids about Santa, and this week is how to deal with your child's belief in Santa ending.

Today's question is from Andrea, who writes:

"How do you handle it when you are out with your boys and they need to use the washroom? Or you do? My 5-year-old son recognizes the Men and Women symbols and sometimes refuses to go into the bathroom with me. Obviously I do not want him going to the men's bathroom without me. Equally obvious is that I do not want to go into the men's bathroom either...."

My kids are old enough, and there are two of them, for me to send them into a public restroom together. I'm still standing right outside the door, talking to them the whole time, but they know they have to stick together. Since they're usually punching each other the entire time they're in the restroom, it's easy to keep track of them and know that they're not being approached by anyone.

But it's harder when you only have one. And when that one is young enough that you don't want to go into WHY you are apprehensive about their being alone in the men's restroom.

The trick I have heard (and used when my older one was going into restrooms alone when his brother wasn't) is to have your child count or sing a song the entire time they're in the bathroom. You can stand outside and listen to the counting or the song, and if the child stops you can rush in.

Does anyone have other ideas? This is a headscratcher, but is time-delineated, so at least there's that.

Comments

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[Cassie]

Ok, I HAD to comment.
I wouldn't let my 3 year old go alone, EVER.
Seriously?
READ THIS!
http://www.cnn.com/US/9811/16/boy.killed.02/

[Christine]

Cassie, that story is tragic. A three year old? Of course not. Are you implying that the aunt in that story was remiss in letting a nine year old go to the bathroom by himself though, really?

COULD you run into an unbalanced sociopath in the bathroom? Sure. Are you LIKELY to run into an unbalanced sociopath in the bathroom? No.

Protecting the Gift. Seriously.

By the way: could the exact same thing have happened with a parent standing two feel away? Yes.

[Christine]

*feet. Not feel. Feet.

[Wilhelmina]

I think it would be lovely if we could avoid tragic fatal rare events by avoiding the places were such incidents take place. But they happen in so many locations that no normal life would be possible.

We will most of us avoid them, and so will our children because they are so rare. But there isn't anything the aunt in the story could have avoided the tragic outcome.

And no, I wouldn't let my three year old go alone into the toilets, but a nine year old, well, yes. This boy was terribly unlucky.

[Schwa de Vivre]

I agree that the risk of something bad happening to a child in a public restroom is low . . . but I still think it's a good idea to be safe about it, without making it a big deal. A parent with a foot in the door inquiring after the child is a deterrent. Perhaps that sort of thing is one reason the risk is now low.

I mean, the risk of being hit by a car on certain streets is low, but you still look both ways before you cross.

Also, if your main concern is helping your child to wash his/her hands, please consider carrying hand sanitizer. After two back surgeries, I can't lift my child to the sink. Hand sanitizer is a godsend and a backsaver.

[Maternity Clothes]

This is not something that I have even thought about. My oldest is 5 and he doesn't have a choice. He will go into the women's restroom with me whether he likes it or not. I have had some bad looks by people but I would rather experience that than something happening to my child. I will do the same with my youngest boy when he reaches that age.

[Abacab]

I think real little children can pretty much be considered "sexless/gender neutral" when being taken to the restroom. Mentally, anyway. That is, until they understand the differences between the sexes or that they're in the "other" restroom, it's acceptable to take them.

[Nike Shox Shoes]

Funny, we just got back from a trip to DC and this happened a lot - my six year old son will not go into the women's room (I do think 1st grade is a bit of a social tipping point, at which he is now somewhat embarrassed by going into the women's bathroom). Often on our trip I was going into the women's room with his three year old sister. I told him to meet me right back outside the restroom. After I went (quickly!) I kept checking outside for him if my daughter is taking her time... he's generally pretty quick. I basically talked to him while propping open the door (inside the ladies room so I can hear my daughter).

[Philippa]

I am a bits shocked by @Liz complaining about people taking boys in to ladies toilets. Seriously? I couldn't care less. The door is locked while I use the loo and should I be embarassed by him seeing me wash my hands. My son comes with me end of story. And heaven help anyone who challenges that. The world is generally full of good people but I would not want to relax so much with a little one and live to regret it
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1370807/McDonalds-sex-attacker-Simon-Archer-jailed.html
That is worth reading. Ok a one off but none the less it's happened.

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[Emily]

I haven't read all the comments, so I don't know if anyone else made this point, but they're called the "men's restroom" and "ladies' room" or "women's restroom" NOT boys' restroom and girls' restroom. Anyone who wants to take their kid into the opposite sex restroom for safety could maybe make this argument to the kid who notices and complains about going into the opposite sex restroom: The men's restroom is not for boys, it's for men -- either to go in themselves or to take their boys in, and likewise the women's restroom is for women to go in or take their boys to go to the bathroom in ... he can go in the men's restroom alone when he's old enough.

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