It Gets Better: Toddler Edition

Last Saturday I went to a party at a friend's house, and all of their parent friends and children were there. The majority of the kids were 4 and under. After about an hour, I looked around and thought, "I know I used to have kids this age, but HOW did I do this??"

The random crying/shrieking/whining. The bodily fluids everywhere. Sippy cups. Pick me up put me down. Constant need. Helping them navigate stairs. Trying to figure out what in the name of all that's holy they're trying to tell you when they point at the shelf and repeatedly say something that sounds like "murf!" The never being able to take your attention from them for a single second.

The constant

constant

constant

need.

And all these parents at the party were total champs, responding appropriately and seeming to not be sucked under by it all. But wow.

So I posted on Twitter about it this morning, that I genuinely do not remember that phase now that my kids are 6 and 9, and got a flood of responses from people in the middle of the toddler clustercuss. Based on those responses, I'm glad I've blocked it out. Seriously, how do any of us do this age range??

One responder asked for advice on making it through this phase. Since "Drink. A lot." is not really healthy or appropriate, I thought maybe those of us who have older kids could shine the light at the end of the tunnel.

So if your kids are older than 5 years and one month old (because that seems to be when the x-treme neediness combined with opposition ends), could you share some words of wisdom for people still in the middle of it? If you remember how you felt then, maybe compare that to how you feel now? Or talk about how the challenges now are different than they were then?

I'll start: Both of my kids are so much more self-sufficient. I can tell them to get dressed and they go find their own clothes in the drawers and put them on. They fix themselves snacks. They monitor their own hunger and thirst. I am completely out of the loop with their bathroom habits. I tell them to take a bath or go to bed or brush their teeth and they do it (grudgingly, but still).

My challenges at this age are helping them navigate socially and academically, and remembering that they are still little boys even though a lot of days it's like having two adult roommates who just like to snuggle a lot.

Who else has an It Gets Better for parents of toddlers?

Comments

[Slim]

They can tell you what's bothering them rather than just be so overwhelmed by unhappiness they completely lose their shit and wail so much their words are incomprehensible.

That's the main thing I do not miss.

[Sheila]

Five years and one month.

Holy crap that is freaky. We are just there now and that is exactly right. My oldest turned five on May 29th and I just realized, wow, has she ever become easier.

Some things are gradual; for the past several months she has been more or less getting herself ready for bed - uses the toilet, puts on her pjs, brushes her teeth, sometimes even climbs into bed and waits for me. She puts her dishes on the counter when she's finished eating - often without a reminder. The last couple of weeks she has said, at naptime, "I don't need you to read to me or hug or kiss me" and she just retires to her room for an hour or so (yes I have a five-year-old that still sleeps in the afternoon quite often - please don't hate me). When she comes home from her daycare, she plops into a chair and watches Electric Company and Ruff Ruffman while I cook supper. Set her up with a craft and she's good for an hour or so. Ditto if her toys inspire her.

It's not all peace in the valley - all bets are off if she's tired (girl can sass and stall like no other if she's cranky). And, we have a 2.5 year old who has begun kicking the bratty behaviour into high gear (she's currently in don't-hit training) and there is plenty of sibling drama - no one knows your buttons better than your sister. But for the most part the 5 year old is kind of awesome now. Agreed that the social navigation is the biggest challenge. Girl drama is crazy - I totally don't remember it being there as early as kindergarten. She's also been asking about death lately.

[Erika]

I need this today. Thank you! Will be reading responses eagerly...

[paola]

Well I am looking forward to Feb 'cos that is when DD turns 5 and a month. She at 4.5 is STILL a handful much of the time.

My 6.5 year old is little Mr. Independent. In fact I have to remind myself constantly that he doesn't need reminding constantly to brushteeth/wash hands/put on pjs etc. Old habits are hard to break sometimes. He is so much more interesting to talk to now at this age and is fascinated by how all things work and long discussions about what you can learn from blood tests or how vast space is tend to dominate over playing with trains and blocks together. I love this age.

[Laurie]

Okay, every time I think there might be a light at the end someone pulls it away. You hear about the "terrible twos." Then near the end of that when you start to relax someone tells you what you hadn't heard of, the "effing threes." Now that I'm just two months away from four you say I'm still in for this until five years and one month!?

Forgive my drama but I lived through a category five tantrum this morning and I was really hoping the end was near. I'll be reading the rest of the comments looking for hope... or a drinking buddy.

[Erica]

I'm drinking with Laurie!

[Merrily]

thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou.

My 2 1/2 year old: the highs are so great, the LOWS are KILLING ME. the wailing, the fretting, the fear, the open-mouth-jaw-dropped-SCREAMING.

and I thought breastfeeding was hard.

[clinging to the refresh button and reading the moxites replies word.for.effing.word.]

[neil]

A few days ago a couple of moms and I were chatting about this very thing, and one of them said "screw the terrible twos - someone should warn the world about the f**king fours".

She then paused and said, "but five? The fantastic fives. Remember that."

Seeing how my DS is 4, I nodded my head and made a mental note to not forget.

[flea]

My just-five-year old son (he'll be 'five and a month' in 3 weeks - are you telling me the angels will descend at that point?) has been a terror the last few weeks, and I recently went back and looked at the archives of my journal for dates when his (now nearly 8yo) sister was just-5. I find this very useful with the younger one in general - to see what was making me crazy about the older one at the same age, and what (if anything) helped.

This time the lesson was, his sister was actually no trouble at all at just-5, but DAMN was it a lot of hard work having a 2 year old! Dillo was incredibly sweet tempered at 2, and easy to deal with in personality ways, but he was still nursing, still often up multiple times in the night, still in diapers, and basically, you know, constantly needy. Like young 2 year olds are. Rereading the entries tempered my frustration at his current phase of sass, punching, and rudeness - at least I am sleeping through the night now, and if he can't wipe his own butt or put on his socks reliably yet, there are tons of things he can do, like play by himself, and wipe up spills, and - all sorts of things.

I posted about the woes of just-5 on Facebook and a friend who is a Montessori teacher replied that 5-6 is a difficult period for many children, previewing some of the issues that particular child will have in adolescence (so a good time to try and get a handle on the behaviors NOW!). But she said 6-11 (and later in some kids) is a really delightful age. I can vouch for this with my older child. She thinks of other people and is considerate of their needs! She is interested in everything and full of energy! She navigates a lot of social stuff by herself and seems fairly level-headed! Truly it is a golden age. And maybe it will descend on my son in 3 weeks. Here's hoping, because I am getting so tired of saying, "I can't understand what you're saying when you are rude. Could you please ask nicely if you need something?"

[Katherine]

This gives me hope. My oldest will be 5 at the end of September. Of course my middle is about to enter the "effing threes" (Ha!). My youngest is the queen of mellow as a baby. Hopefully that will hold somewhat during the coming toddler years.

[Jenn]

Wow-I totally needed this post today! I have a 20 month old who has to be The. Most. Difficult. Child. On. The. Planet. He's well into the "terrible two's" and he's cutting his two year molars even though he's not two yet. He's doing everything possible to ensure that he remains an only child.

Erica & Laurie, I'll be joining you for that drink!

[dandg]

Ha. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I must say "4" is not all that bad. My oldest is 4 1/2 and has REALLY mellowed out in the last 2 months or so. Right at 4, she was a huge bundle of emotions and it was not an easy phase. But she's really relaxed a lot and been quite a delight in recent months. I hope age 5 (and 1 month) is even better! That said, I am very much in the trenches with my #2. She's 20 months, and wow is that girl stubborn! We are having lots of issues with biting, hitting, throwing things and general freak-outs when she doesn't get what she wants. Luckily, her sleep has improved a lot and we're no longer nursing. So it's somewhat less physically demanding than the early months. But hoo boy, she is a piece of work!

[SarcastiCarrie]

It comes and goes. Some days, 6 yo is awesome getting snacks for himself (and his brother). Other days I am ready to send him to be a page in a feudal castle 'cuz you used to be able to do that, you know.

Some days, my heart melts when my 2 yo declares "I big boy" all the while clutching his blankie with a binky in his mouth. "Sure, right, kid. Whatever you say, big boy." But other times he flings himself onto the ground in the toy store (screaming), gives you that look, and proceeds to fill his diaper with vile horribleness...on purpose...because he wants to leave and now you have to.

I just hope as they age, the days of unicorn awesome sauce increase in frequency.

[Jessica]

My oldest is 4 and 9 months, and he's more and more independent... except when he decides to regress and act like a baby. There's some awful new behaviors I could do without, like bursting into tears because I tell him an hour and a half of TV is "enough." Wow. But I can see things gradually improving, although I'm about to throw his world for a loop by adding a second little brother in 7 weeks or so. We'll see what happens.

It's my 2.5-year-old who's becoming more...toddlery. He's always been so easy. He's very independent, at least as much as a two-year-old can be, but he's becoming more defiant, and he's so aggressive, especially with the above-mentioned 4.5-year-old.

So, yeah. Looking forward to it "getting better." At least I know what to expect for the impending infant... I think.

[the milliner]

I think I'm so far in the trenches that I'm taking it day by day. The start of three has been topsy-turvy. Milder and easier in many aspects. But the tantrums are ramping up already. I fear 3.5. Let alone 4 and later. So I guess I should be planning a party for right around July 2013.

It will be a happy day when I can have a conversation with another adult for more than 2 minutes while DS is around. But otherwise his crazy-making antics are conveniently set off by heart-crushingly cute moments right now.

Taking notes to both enjoy the cute things that happen at this age and to know that the difficult/energy-draining things will eventually pass.

[Erica]

As the mother of a 3 1/2 year old, this is all going to be helpful. But I'm getting through it now mostly because my little guy is so much more independent than he was as a baby and he's not constantly attached to me the way he was then. He can drink and eat by himself, he's getting really good at the potty, he can play by himself and amuse himself. He's curious and talkative and funny and a very independent little person. This is the first summer in 3 years that I've been able to garden because now Zack can amuse himself for hours with the hose and a bucket of water. I don't have to worry about him eating some random plant or something like that. So I think it's all relative because a lot of what you said about your 6 and 9 year olds being independent are things I think about my little guy.

That said, I would like a quarter for every time I hear "Mommy!" :)

[MJ]

I, too, am grateful for the timely appearance of this post. (And I'll be joining all of the other toddler-moms in having a drink!) My daughter will be 3 in October and it seems like "Hey Mommy!" is her most-uttered phrase at the moment-- "Hey Mommy, I need this!" "Hey Mommy, I can't find this!" "Hey Mommy, I have to poop but I refuse to do it in the toilet!" "Hey Mommy, Hey Mommy, HEY MOMMY!"

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I'm conducting a daily countdown to naptime (and then bedtime) every day.

[Slim]

So in addition to the waning of crappy behavior I do not miss, I should mention the delightful behavior I'm really enjoying, right?

Appreciating what other people do for him: "Thank you for giving me big strawberries in my lunch, Mommy. It was such a nice surprise when I opened the container!"

Coming up with realistic plans: "If I get ready for bed early tonight, can I have extra stories?"

Remembering rules: "I'm going to run ahead, but then I'll stop at the corner and wait for you."

Wanting to help: "Can I give the dog some more water?"

Being happy for other people: "He did a really good job drawing that picture, didn't he, Mommy?"

[anastasiav]

re: 5 years and one month.

ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease let this be true. My son turned 5 ten days ago, and at the moment I've never been more frustrated with him (partly because he's become obsessed with Star Wars - which he's never seen - and everything is now a lightsaber). The idea that suddenly I might be able to get him to pee without it being a big argument, or that one day he'll dress himself or just, you know, not argue with me about every. single. thing.

That, well, that would be too much to hope for, really.

[Tine]

My kids aren't toddlers anymore, but can I join the cocktail party? Pllleeeaaassse? It sounds divine. ;)

Mine are 5 and 8 now. They still have their moments (5yo is a fearless stubborn hyperactive chatterbox, and 8yo is an easily-frustrated smartypants). Sometimes I'd like to serve us ALL a shot of tequila. But overall, it is MUCH MUCH better. I feel more human...and they seem more human, KWIM? They carry on long conversations. They are creative and imaginative and industrious. They are fun to play with. I can turn my back on them for 5 minutes with relative assurance that they won't burst into flame/walk in front of a car/kill each other.

I just returned from a week helping my sister, who has a 1.5yo and a brand-new baby. My primary duty, of course, was to the toddler. He was so cute I could've eaten him whole, but yeah...the constant need/gnatlike attention span? I'd forgotten how hard it can be to cope with that sometimes.

Hang in there, parents of toddlers. It really does get better. You'll be here before you know it!

[Betsy]

I have nothing helpful to add, since my kid is two, but reading this made me laugh out loud with the accuracy of it all, and given the day that I have just had with my two year old, I reallyreallyreally needed that laugh.

Thank you!

[Mogget]

I have a 6-year old and an almost 4-year old. Woah, baby does it ever get better! I see my sister with her 2-year old, and I can't imagine dealing, but I know less than 2 years ago that was me with my daughter. I LOVE that my son can bathe himself and dress himself and remember to "stay hydrated" (his word choice, not mine which amuses me). I love that he can occupy himself for ages at a time with his own toys and I don't have to constantly direct him to what is appropriate. I love that he can read, but comes to me for the hard words (or sometimes just uses the word--mispronunciation and all which also amuses me). I love that he can help out with his sister (although they DO NOT always get along). My daughter is very headstrong so we butt heads a lot, but she can dress herself, and potty alone (mostly!), and feed herself, and frankly I like the stages they are at just fine right now!

Oh, buckling seatbelts! They are both capable (mostly) of buckling themselves, I never realized how much I hated that chore, but I don't have to do it anymore!

I'm pretty sure I could sing a song about no more diapers. I got my husband to change many of them so I don't feel that I can complain too much, but I am thankful not to have diapers in the house anymore!

It's not all roses, my daughter and I had a 30-minute stand-off just the other day because she didn't want to walk the 10 steps from the car to the house, and I didn't want to carry her. She screamed until the neighbors came out to investigate, and I'm ashamed to say that she won that round, sort of, since I don't really count screaming for 30 minutes as a "win" for anyone.

I love the snuggles the best, though. When they seek you out for a snuggle--there's nothing better than that.

[Jan]

I definitely thought 3 was the pinnacle of PITA behavior. Two was a breeze for me (relatively speaking).

For example:
Mom: You may have/do X or Y.
2 yo child: [chooses X or Y]
3 yo child: NO! I WANT Z!

(Of course now, and 5 1/2 and 7, I get: You told me on Thursday, June 22, 2009 that if the planets were aligned with mercury in retrograde, Z would be on the table as long as I was wearing long sleeves and said please. You promised, Mom.)

But yes, agreed on the independence factor. Plus anybody still in the throes of sleep yuck should know that my parenting day pretty much ends at 8 pm when I tell my older child that she may read until 8:15 and needs to have her light out by 8:30. And that when my brother left the room recently to "change" their 2yo, I was genuinely surprised to see him come back in the same clothes, as I'd assumed he was going to put his pajamas on -- what are these diapers you speak of?

I find that, at 7, the novelty of helping Mommy was worn off, but the ability to be of *actual* help makes up for it. She can make and pack her own lunch for school. They can be left to get breakfast for themselves.

Plus it's fun to see them beginning to do things that are legitimately cool (as opposed to just cute-because-it's-my-kid or impressive-for-a-2yo). My daughter's mastering roundoff-backhandsprings at gymnastics and my son uses these amazing colors when he creates art. I love it that they're at an age where we can learn things together instead of me just telling them things I already know.

And in the interest of playing devil's advocate just a little bit:
I'm the weirdo that loved the baby stage best of all (so far). I never minded the neediness, so long as I knew what they needed. It never (OK, not *never*, but you know what I mean) bothered me to rock for an hour at bedtime if that's what my little guy needed, or sing songs and tell stories for 2 hours in the car if that's how we were going to get to the campground emotionally intact.

What's hard for me now is that it's so much less clear to me what my kids need. I suck at knowing how to handle social dynamics. I'm pretty good at staying firm at my boundaries, but how do I know when it's legitimately time to change those boundaries? And, hardest of all, when is it time for me to step back and *not* help at all. When is the right answer a hug and empathy? The transition from Knower Of How to Fix All Things to Trusted Advocate Who Expects Me To Solve Things On My Own is a hard one for me.

But whoa, being able to say, on Friday night, that nobody has to be anywhere first thing Saturday, so Mommy would love to sleep until 7:30 and then have that ACTUALLY HAPPEN ... that's pretty priceless. :)

[Amy F]

My older boys are 5 and 7 and my baby turns 1 on Sunday. Yesterday the baby figured out how to crawl onto the couch and over our barricades. I was hit by that "egads, I forgot how hard this is!" feeling.

Best I can figure, all the learning they're doing makes up for the headaches. When they're learning a new word every day and figuring out fun things, it helps.

[Stacy]

My son turned 5 in December and I honestly can’t remember much of drudgery of the toddler or even early pre-school years. It had dawned on me not too long ago that it has been well over a year since we’ve had to put him in a time out or start “counting.” Also, giving up naps was a great thing for us. While I do miss having a break in the middle of the day, I certainly don’t miss the fight to get him to (not) nap.

Some recent perks are that he recently started taking showers on his own, so the bed time routine is a lot quicker and hands-off for us – and no more ring around my bathtub! I also just realized this morning that we haven’t had to retie his shoes in a few weeks. He’s been “tying” them on his own for a while, but in his own strange way, so they would always become undone. But lately they have been staying tied. I also love his creativity and intelligence. He’s made his own above ground swimming pool, complete with diving board and filter, and also a microscope out of construction paper.

But, as I’ve often heard, the bigger the kid, the bigger the problems. We’ve had quite a few instances lately where he was showing his privates to other kids and pressuring them to do the same, telling them not to tell their parents, then lying to us about it. I know, it’s age appropriate, but we’re still figuring out how to deal with these kinds of things.

[Mogget]

I'm with @Jan on the boundaries/social dynamic/Fixer of Everything changing to Trusted Advocate stage iffiness.

I'm afraid I may be a LITTLE BIT of a helicopter parent, but I'm working on that! :-)

[Stacy]

Oh, I almost forgot one of the best perks of this age! On weekends, my son goes downstairs and turns on the TV himself and lets us sleep until 7:00! (I do put it on the proper channel the night before.)

[Sharon @proactiveparenting]

Funny, A Day in The Motherhood just wrote a post on what her nightmares, oops, experiences are. http://bit.ly/ok7FUS

See if this is you too!

[Charisse]

Mouse is 7 years, 3 months and going into 2nd grade. When she was 2 years 9 mos, I wrote to Moxie out of complete frustration: http://www.askmoxie.org/2007/01/qa_29yearold_sn.html - and that was when she was already totally verbal and getting easier.

What stands out to me as a difference is just the de-escalation of bad moments. Full on sh*tfit tantrums became coherent shrieking around 3, then gawdawful whining around 4, and shrieking was only for tired/hungry situations. Gawdawful whining became obnoxious negotiation at 5, with still gawdawful whining in bad moments. Around 6, the whining got less extreme and more occasional. Reluctant agreement became possible. Now, at 7, whining at all is "uh oh must be hungry" *and she even sometimes gets that and goes and eats a snack and comes back*; "go read a book" is an acceptable and usually followed recommendation for boredom. "Ugh, OK mommy" is an answer that we get and accept when she's told to do something she doesn't want to do. There's still negotiation, but not over every damn little thing, and her counteroffers are a lot more creative and actually aimed at compromise.

The whole reading thing is absolutely huge - the kid can be brought to a meeting or an adult dinner without any problem at all, as long as she has a long enough book. And she's beginning to enjoy a lot more activities that overlap with us - we all watched the NCAA tournament together, for example, eating chicken-asparagus salad all the while. She has a great deal more endurance for hiking and traveling, and her friends are actually fun to talk to in themselves.

Also: drop-off playdates and birthday parties.

So yeah, much much better. Hang in there!

[Shandra]

I was flipping out a couple of weeks ago - just random life stuff on top of constant parenting - and I took my not-totally-happy 5 month old and put him in the bouncy chair and told my almost-6-year-old that I was taking a ten minute shower and if the baby cried it was ok.

When I turned the water off, my almost-6 was sitting next to the bouncy chair singing songs to my enraptured 5 month old.

Unbidden.

He had left a Wii game to do so.

On a different floor of the house.

So yes, it gets better...although I have the toddler years ahead with #2, which is when you really can't shower, eeeek.

[Slim]

@Charisse, I read your old question and what leapt out at me was the phrase, "alcohol helps." Granted, it was talking about how to get stains out of clothing, but still. A motif!

[Julie]

I'm done with it with my older one (he's 5.5), and in the middle of it with my youngest one (2.5) - who I just started potty training today. My older one will say, "I'm not really comfortable with that" and then outline reasons 1 - 12 (with footnotes) to support his feelings. My younger one just screams his bloody head off for no apparent reason. I know it will end because my older one used to be the same way but....it is just so terribly hard when you're in the middle of it.

[creatingbalance]

We keep debating about being one and done and trying for a second. We use Moxie's phrase BPON aka bottomless pit of need often around here these days but we just transitioned to big boy bed and re-sleep training so I guess its expected. I just look at other families that have 2,3,4 kids and the moms seem so together and right on top of the kids and can have a conversation. So maybe its just me!! That's a thought:)
Thanks for the encouragement, its a wild ride and 80% of the time I love it and don't want to get off, the other 20% get me the effing off!!!

[Regina W]

My daughter is 2.5 and I already feel like life is sooooo much better than it was. Of course, she was a colicky, high-needs, sleep only on mommy baby, who cried for most of her first year of life. She may be needy now, but it's nothing compared to the past. If 5 yrs is better than what we have now, then it must be heaven!

[Katie B.]

L is 3 and 2 months. I'm not looking forward to 3.5, let alone 4... but y'all give me hope for 5. Although I'll still be in the thick of it with the now-7mo.. and then there're the still-hypothetical future babies.. Good thing I ADORE infancy!

[Stephanie]

I am right in there with a 19-month old. Typical stuff: loving yogurt one day and hating it the next, repeating the name of the thing she wants over and over until she gets it....we all know the drill. To keep them safe and entertained, you need to be "on" most of the time.

However, the toddler stuff (so far) seems a lot easier than the infant stuff. Our daughter was colic and it was utter misery for the first 4 months. For us, we started parenting right at rock bottom - we hated pretty much everything about having a very young infant. The closer she gets to toddler - and further from baby - the better we like it.

[Heidi]

Can't wait to read these comments later; I REALLY need them. However, I'll have to come back tonight, because this afternoon, I am keeping an eagle eye on my 2 1/2-year-old, who ended up in the emergency room Monday night when he kept trying to take a toy away from his 6 1/2-year-old brother, with the CONSTANT and REPEATED cry of "But I need...." Though the older one has been appropriately disciplined for the (actually fairly gentle) nudge that knocked the little one off balance, into the coffee table, and off to the ER with a gash to the cheek ... I privately have to register that I don't blame big brother all that much. The relentlessness is enough to drive anyone over the edge.

And since we are leaving on vacation Saturday--what is possessing us to do this?--the law has been laid: No one else is ending up at the doctor this week, for anything. Hence the need to watch the little one every second until we leave.

So yes, some light at the end of the tunnel will be nice to read about. My 6 1/2-year-old is a pleasant reminder of what's to come individually, but I'm hoping that some commenter will touch on improved sibling interactions once the littler ones approach the age of reason.

[Susan]

Thank you for these words of encouragement, Moxie and sweet commenters. I'm glad I'm not alone, at least. I have a two-year-old boy and my husband has the audacity to want another child. I just. Can't. Not yet.

[Tine]

Heidi, I'll give you what you're looking for!

My son (now 8) welcomed his baby sister (now 5) with a resounding smack to the head. Not a great start...and it took a long time before they were able to play together.

Now they are best friends (really) despite their age difference. Luckily Thing One is very tolerant, and Thing Two is quite brave. They're a good match. They have the same silly streak, the same type of imagination, the same love of music, etc. Big boy often reads stories to little girl, they bring each other snacks & drinks, they come up with play ideas together, gang up against The Parents, and on and on.

Sibling relations have definitely improved in this house.

[Rbelle]

Timely, as usual. My daughter is 10 months and may not technically count as a toddler (although she's certainly starting to "toddle"), but I'm already seeing meltdowns over not getting her way, not being able to get a toy to work how she wants it, Mommy or Daddy leaving the room, being stuck in the stroller or carseat. Sigh. I'm one of those rare people who found the newborn + a few months stages much easier (in retrospect, at least) than 6+ months. Yes she was a bundle of need - but it was almost entirely the need to be held and/or nursed which I was more than capable of doing. Yes, I couldn't put her down for more than a minute or two, but she was light and the Ergo was quite helpful. Sure we had to stand and walk or rock her if we wanted to watch a movie in relative peace, but she was incapable of trying to take and eat the remote. I'm sure my memory of those early days is quite hazy - I know I was weepy and shell-shocked at times. But everyone expected me to be, and nobody looked askance if I spent the entire day holding and nursing the baby on the couch while I watched hours of Law & Order. Now, my expectations of both myself and my child are higher and I find myself getting much more frustrated. The only consolation is that my daughter is more ridiculously adorable than she's ever been, and I assume that will increase proportional to how much more difficult the toddler years get. That's what I'm banking on, anyway :) As my mom says, you always look forward to the next stage, until you're in it.

[Rbelle]

I should also add that while my daughter wasn't exactly an easy infant (especially once she started "waking on impact" when I tried to put her down for naps), she wasn't overly fussy either, and she slept well at night, right up until the 4 month regression (hasn't slept well since, sigh). I honestly think my ability to deal with any given stage/behavior has everything to do with how much sleep I've gotten.

[Lynn]

It really helps to see this topic addressed. I'm about to go back to work full time after being a SAHM for the past year, and I'm having the usual mommy guilt about sending my 16-month-old to daycare, all the more so because one part of me is relieved that I won't be trapped in the air conditioned house for the remainder of the very very hot summer with an increasingly stubborn, tantrummy and still non-verbal toddler (the tantrums are likely due to the non-verbal-ness). If I wasn't going back to work, I'm afraid I'd be locking myself in a closet with a bottle of bourbon by September.

[Julieta]

OMG!! 1) @Tine, my DS is the exact same as your child "(5yo is a fearless stubborn hyperactive chatterbox..."
He just turned 5 in June and we are still SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO frustrated with his behavior and constant arguing, whining, and overall little shittiness. 2) I very much needed to read this because of #1. Thank you Moxie.

Crossing my fingers for relief soon, asap, toot sweet, post haste, etc.

[Erin]

It is so hard and exhausting. I have a 3 y. o. and 14 m.o. and sometimes I'm so tired I can't form coherent thoughts or sentences. I can't remember ANYthing - it's like having early-on dementia. I'm so sick of the constant *needs* every second and the screaming oy ve the screaming.

But like @Jan, I find myself in the position of being a baby and toddler lover. Especially babies - of course I had/have very sunny happy joyfilled little ones, especially from the time they could sit up /walk on. It's a happy time for me, and I love watching them come alive and show who they are, and their little baby thighs and hands. . . (Not 2.5+ - we have tantrums tantrums tantrums. Throwing things at me - often - hitting, spitting, the whole works. Luckily I turned "I don't love YOU" into a game a long time ago, so he doesn't use that one anymore.)

@Rbelle - right on about the stages! Though I find myself more nostalgic about #2s new phases, as I have a clearer sense of babyhood rapidly passing.

[KatieV]

It is just so nice to come on here and get validation that this stage is DANG hard! I have a 6yo, 4yo, and 2.5yo. You'd think I'd have it easier with the older two, and with some of the physical neediness I do, but many days I feel like I get to experience the WORST of each stage, *all at once*.

[Erin]

Hey, I have a question for you guys - a bit OT and a bit on-topic. It's about my 3 y.o. So, he throws things at me after a correction. It doesn't matter how gentle/matter-of-fact. My guess is that he's flooded with emotion (anger, shame) after the correction he has to act out. We are slowly working with him on verbalizing emotions to help stop the problem before it starts, but real question is this - what should I do *after* he throws something? I'll admit it makes me pretty angry, and that probably clouds my judgment. Ignoring him doesn't seem like a good idea, and we don't really "do" time outs. Basically I want to get my point across without an escalation. Or perhaps with one, if it will help. Ideas?

[Raia]

Wait, this is supposed to be encouraging? Four. more. years until the younger is there. OUCH. And yet, most of me knows these years will fly by.

Erin, if my 3 yo does something like that, we pretty much cannot move on to the next activity until he has picked up the object. If he continues to refuse, then often I will tell him that if he is too tired to listen to mommy, then he probably needs a nap. The threat of an unscheduled nap usually works. It's actually usually true, also.

[Kris]

I'm in the middle of that stage.... I burst out laughing at this: "Trying to figure out what in the name of all that's holy they're trying to tell you when they point at the shelf and repeatedly say something that sounds like "murf!"" My son is doing that to my husband RIGHT NOW!

I think the reason it doesn't seem so bad at the time is because it's really much better than it was. My son has random incomprehensible outbursts, but I don't have to carry him everywhere all the time even when my back aches and my arms feel like spaghetti. He is loud and sticky, but sometimes when he cries, I can ask him what's wrong, and he actually tells me so I can fix it. It's revolutionary!

I still look forward to when he's more self-sufficient, but every time he learns to do something else by himself or figures out how to say something new, my life gets just a teeny bit easier (and I'm sure his does too!).

[Rudyinparis]

I have a 5 and a 7 year old. Keeping with the drinking motif, I have to tell this story: a few months ago we were at a pizza place, and DH and I each ordered a beer. When the waitress brought them, I was kind of embarrassed because it was this huge looking stein. I said something like, "Oh, wow, I'm a great mom, aren't I" The waitress looked me straight in the eye and said, "Sometimes it makes you a better mother." There was no judgement. She got a big tip.

[Nancy]

Our girls just turned four a few days ago. 2 1/2 was a trial and the 3s truly just sucked. Here's hoping that 4s start to let up a bit on the irrational TEARS and DRAMA and I DO IT MYSELF and blah blah blah. I love these kids, but seriously, there have been days in the last 6 months where I wanted to dope slap someone (and usually myself too) Here's hoping that in a year or so things will feel like they are easing up!