Primal Scream Friday

Primal Scream Friday. Here are the usual rules:

1. Post what's bugging you, big or small. No misery poker.

2. Offer sympathy to someone else if you have it in you. (And if you know anything that could help them in their situation, share!)

3. If you need to be anonymous, put a fake URL in the "URL" field. (www.fake.com is always a good one.)

I'll start:

• This city is making me angry, brittle, and panicky.
• I can't talk about anything else that's stressing me out because it all goes back to the negotiations LOD and I are having about a big life change. (We're writing about the gruesome negotiation process on the co-parenting blog.)
• I'm a tension increaser, so I can't even cry to make myself feel better.

Now you.

Comments

[hope]

My almost 4 year old son was diagnosed with mild Aspergers this week. I can't quite get my brain around that one yet - avoiding thinking about it. And I am night weaning my 1 year old (while cosleeping)- which hasn't been so bad, except that now he likes to chat to me from 12-2 AM. I am worn out.

[Amanda]

No matter what I do, I cannot get the baby to sleep past 6:00 in the morning. And every time I mention this to anyone, they immediately advise me to try something that I have already done (white noise machine, blackout curtains, schedule shift, whatever) and it DRIVES ME CRAZY. I can't even vent about things anymore without people assuming that they are better parents than I am and what worked for their kid is OBVIOUSLY going to work for mine. It makes me so very stabby.

[K]

My daughter has low muscle tone (hypotonia) and at one year she cannot transition into sitting from laying, she cannot pull up, and cannot cruise. I know she will walk down the aisle, and I know there are worse problems she could have, but I cant help but be upset about it. I am a WOHM but yesterday I went to one of her classes, and it killed me to see other kids doing things so easily that are so hard for her.

[Spacemom]

My almost 9 year old was silently crying at the dinner table last night. Her one friend has a very high IQ, but is socially at the level of a 1st grader. Her other friends tease her for being friends with her IQ friend. She wants to be popular. I was hurting for her last night, and I tried to take her feelings seriously and not blow her off.

And support for AMANDA above:
My kids both suck at sleeping. My eldest starting sleeping through the night at 3 YEARS. My younger, around 2years. They go to bed between 10-11pm and get up around 7. I finally got sick of people telling me how to fix it and said "They will be in college at some point. Let them be." Hugs. You do what works for YOU!

[sueinithaca]

urgh. I've hurt my hand. Don't know how - I've seen 4 practitioners (2 PTs, my primary care person, and an orthopedist)and have had about 6 proposed diagnoses. They all agree that it should be immobilized for at least 2 weeks and that, following that, more tests should be discussed. Normally, I'd take this as a serendipitous break from housework, but right now I'm nearing the end (1.5 weeks left) of a 5-week anatomy course, my job has started up (and involved a lot of lifting, writing, etc), one of my kids is getting out of school a week earlier than the other and I have no childcare for that week, and we're remodeling our house and it seems like every day something needs to be hammered or moved or pried off of something. Also, I'm worried about my beehives but can't lift them to check on them. Did I mention it's my dominant hand? Harumph.

On the plus side, my spouse and I have been together (start of dating, not marriage) for 13 years today. This is completely irrelevant to him and I only remembered this morning but that's actually become a feature instead of a bug in our relationship. It's nice to be in a place that's secure enough that we don't have to count every little milestone - kind of like when reach the point where you can't remember how much your baby weighs *at this very second.*

Guess I'm more at a grumblegumblegivemeacookie level today than a primal scream, but check back with me next Wednesday, after three days of no-childcare-while-working-and-going-to-school. I bet you'll be able to hear me all the way in NYC.

[Moxie]

Hope, ouch. A few goods nights of sleep would make everything more comprehensible.

Amanda, FWIW, the waking-early problem is the single problem we have never been able to solve in 5 1/2 years of Ask Moxie. We have a lot of suggestions, but nothing that consistently works for everyone.

K, one of my older son's friends had hypotonia and he didn't walk until 18 months. By 3 years there was no difference between him and the other kids. I hope it gets easier soon.

Spacemom, hugs to you and your girls.

Sue, ugh. I wish you could clone yourself.

[Sheila]

I was sick with gastroenteritis a few weeks ago, and still not feeling 100 per cent even last week. I still had an upset stomach and bouts of nausea. To top it off, it was triggering anxiety (I have minor issues that are usually managed without medication).

My 2.5 year old smacked my daycare provider's dog yesterday and he snapped at her. No blood, and the provider promises he will be kept in another area of the house from now on. But now it's reopening the debate of whether to send her somewhere else. Our provider is a sweet lady and loves the kids she cares for.

I think I'm long overdue to move on to a new job, but I blew my shot at one I really wanted last fall and now it's agonizing to go through the process with all these other ones I don't care half as much about.

My house is a mess. So are my yard and deck.

[mom2boy]

My issues seems so trivial and yet I'm feeling crushed by the weight of it all. I hate that. I want to enjoy my life - not just see the positive but embrace it...and I end up in crying instead. I don't think it's depression that needs medical treatment. It's only been a few weeks that I'm feeling like this but I'm so over being so sad.

I am going to say, since I can, that I am SO INCREDIBLY PISSED that the person I've been in a committed relationship with for the past year broke up with me to go to Vegas with friends and thereby be able to f*ck around and yet not technically cheat on me. Oh, and now we are at "well, maybe it was hasty to break up after all". Yeah. Go the f*ck to hell. It's absurd that I am 35 years old and this is the state of my love life.

[Becca]

Hope: I am in the same-ish boat and was coming to post something similar. I know how you feel. My toddler was diagnosed at 15 months with speech and social delays and it's likely he'll be on the spectrum. We are holding off on that diagnosis until we "need" it to get more services (he gets EI now).

It's so hard. I just want my baby to lead a happy and fulfilled life, and sometimes I feel sad knowing the world might not be kind to him.

But what I come back to again and again are these truths:

1) we love our children, unconditionally

2) This world ABSOLUTELY NEEDS people who think differently!!!

3) All kids have challenges, and in some ways we are lucky to know what some of our kids challenges are, to be able to get them the best help we can

Sometimes thinking of those things really helps me. Feel free to email me at releavitt AT gmail.com if you want to connect with another mama who has a child (likely) on the spectrum, or feel free to ignore me too!

I wish you and your family the very best.

[Sheila]

Oh, also? My 5 year old and I fought the entire time she was getting ready for school yesterday, making us super late. She was crying when she got to the car. Then I snapped at my husband, he snapped back at me, I cried. Hope you enjoyed the show, kids. Had an anxiety attack later that morning at my desk that I managed to stop. That's when I found out about the dog.

[mom2boy]

@Amanda - I hear you! No suggestions just commiseration from another mom of an early, early riser and just all around terrible sleeper. People like to give advice, though. Hopefully they don't mean it to add to your frustrations or imply you are a bad mom. Hang in there. :)

[Elita]

Moxie, I hope your negotiations are about you moving out of NYC. I have been there. When you are done living in NYC, you are just DONE. I was having trouble sleeping at night, started having panic attacks on the train, couldn't concentrate at work. Now I live in the suburbs in FL again, it's always quiet, I have a lot more peace in my life and I'm much happier. Sometimes I miss the hustle and bustle of the city, but a long weekend in NYC is enough for me to remember why I love it so but cannot live there any longer.

[Moxie]

OMG, Elita! THANK YOU. I thought I was going nuts because I've been having panic attacks just thinking about getting on the train, and have been waking up at night worrying about having panic attacks from thinking about getting on the train. It is really glad to hear that it happened to someone else, although I'm sorry it happened to you.

[anonamoose]

Husband doesn’t want more kids (our only is 5.5). I’m finally coming to terms with having one child and am just about ready to go on some sort of BC besides condoms. Found out that Mirena or Paragaurd would cost me at least $700 out of pocket because of my HRA type of insurance. There is no guarantee that I will be happy with it so it’s a lot of money to spend not knowing. NuvaRing would cost over $700/year, but I like the idea that it isn’t so “permanent”. (BC Pill is out of the question because it lowered my sex drive and we’re not ready for more drastic permanent measures.) Why in this day and age and first world country does the BC of my choice need to be so freakin’ expensive? Wouldn’t my health insurance company and employer want to pay for that instead of paying for another pregnancy/delivery/child? It makes it so easy just to stick with condoms but we’re in our mid—late 30s and have been together since college! It’s quite ridiculous, the whole condom thing, you know!?

Also, feeling tension with very hands-on in-laws who are wonderful and amazing people that I am very grateful for, but tend to ignore or not notice boundaries.

All-in-all, nothing worthy of primal screams today, but these are some of my frustrations.

[Jan]

@Amanda, my kids are 5 and 7 and still nearly always wake up between 6 and 7 every morning. I tell myself it's because they are well-rested. And I go to bed at 10 o'clock, whether I feel like it or not. I do not, because I am not now, nor have I ever been, a morning person. I feel your pain, and can personally recommend working toward acceptance rather than change. :)

No scream for me today.

[Sheila]

Hope, my oldest brother had learning and socialization issues when he was about that age. This would have been the early 1970s, so I don't know whether mild Aspergers would have been a common diagnosis back then, but I've often suspected that's what it is. You know, he's 40 now and he's a little odd, but he graduated from a prestigious university, he has a career and friends and hobbies and lives on his own. A normal life, albeit that of a confirmed bachelor.

He's actually kind of my hero now because he took it upon himself to clean up the house of my late great uncle and aunt. Their only child is quite old himself and very busy, and so my brother regularly drives out to this place that has been left in disrepair for over a decade and he has been cleaning it up, collecting family treasures and keeping the cousin up-to-date on it. It's a great job for him - he loves the area, and history (especially that of his own family), and antiques, and he's single so he's not got much tying him down on any given weekend.

[gretchen]

money. Just when our credit cards were paid off- we find out my husband's position has been cut due to budget cuts. We will be ok. But, just ok- not great, not saving ton's o' cash like we thought we would be. Instead we have to pull in all that extra money we have hidden places (you know cancel netflix, the internet, supplemental retirement accounts, change the W2 from 0, you know- that hidden money)

money- why do you have to make our lives harder?

[Sadie]

My DH is in his 8th year of (unpaid) graduate school. I am so sick of living in Big City, where we have no family and no support, and where we can't afford a back yard or a freaking utility closet. But we can't move, and can't really even talk about moving, because any move is contingent on him finishing his thesis and getting a job, and whenever I even mention the thesis, we get into a fight. And then DH has the gall to complain about how our lives just aren't fun anymore now that we have our darling, gorgeous 2yo DS, or to complain that he's not getting enough time to do his work despite the fact that I pay for full-time childcare (when I would love, LOVE to be a SAHM.) It is starting to make me crazy.

[Anon this time]

First mom2boy: GAH, kick-him-to-the-curb. GOOD FOR YOU. That is freakin' ridiculous. Sorry that this is happening to you, proud of you for seeing this for what it is--my college bf pulled the same crap. Worked once, not twice, so you are way, way ahead of me. Sending you strong woman vibes and good thoughts.

Moxie, thank you for this. I am personally ok but I have a ton swirling around me and those I love.

*my (39 year old) sorority sister died of colon cancer yesterday, 11 months after diagnosis, leaving two elementary school kids. She wasn't one of my closest friends but I always admired and adored her and it just seems so Not Right that the world is deprived (and her kids are robbed) of her physical presence.

*my mother in law was diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday. It's a very survivable kind, but it's breast cancer.

*my father in law has been in and out of the hospital with jaundice and they can't figure out what's causing the liver failure.

*the father of my son's best friend is waking up in jail today, because his alcoholism is out of control and so is he, culminating in him ramming his car in to a police car. I am so sad for my son's friend as I think it is going to be a long time before he sees his dad again--and, when sober, he was one of the most amazing dads I've ever seen. The 4th birthday party was truly epic due to some lovely, caring work by him and I struggle to reconcile that adoring, gentle man with one who would ram his car in to a police car. Gah. I'm familiar enough with alcoholism that it doesn't surprise me but it is still bewildering and I pray that sweet man can find his way back.

*the husband of one of my best friends was fired from his teaching job of more than 15 years, losing the family the primary source of income and benefits. He has no legal leg to stand on and will have to start over. She is worried they will lose their house.

So, that's what's on my heart today. Needed the scream. Hunkering down in my house with my kids and thinking of what we can do to help those around us. It's a long list right now. Bird by bird.

[Moxie]

mom2boy, that is a shitty, shitty thing to do to someone, and you deserve better.

[Erica]

Hang in there Amanda. We had a 5 am waker FOREVER and now she sleeps until 7 which to me is absolute perfect bliss. Also that teach me time clock really helps.

OK my thing isn't really a primal scream but...my daughter is moving to the toddler room. Each Friday a parent brings in a hot lunch for all the kids. The thing is, I recently found out she's allergic to wheat, soy and peanuts. Peanuts everyone is cool with but I saw on the sign up list for last week that a mom was bringing pizza (wheat). I'm sad because my girl will likely be left out of the lunch with friends almost every single week and that totally BLOWS!!! Bleargh!!!

[K]

Amanda, my daughter wakes up at 6 AM (give or take 15 minutes). As my mom always said to me about any situation that upset me, "Everything changes." Its true. Maybe one day they wont wake up at 6 AM, maybe one day they will but can go watch TV quietly for an hour. We'll make it, and in the meantime we'll get into bed while its still light out ; )

Moxie, I live in NYC. I have since 2002, with a 2 year break in Philly from 07-09. Before we left for Philly, I thought I could never come back to NYC, but maybe a little break is what you need. It worked for us.

[mo]

Amanda - we have early kids too. My twin boys wake up everyday between 6 and 7. They are 6 yrs old now. I am SOOO not a morning person but luckily my husband is (for weekends) and I have to get up early for work on weekdays so at least I get to say goodbye to them.

I figure (as a non-morning person myself who wishes she were a morning person) that ultimately life will be easier for them as early risers. We won't have the same getting ready for school issues - no need to wake and rush them when they've been up for a couple of hours, right?!

[Claudia]

@Erica- could you help the moms out with finding substitutes and recipes? Or are all the lunches not home made?

She won't miss out every single week, since she'll be able to eat what you bring when it's your turn, at least. :/

[LC]

My baby is 5 weeks old. We're all doing great except for the early evening crazy crying time. It comes at the end of the day when I've exhausted all of my patience and creativity for getting her to stop crying and she wants to nurse every 90 minutes and I just want a break. It wouldn't be that bad except that my husband started back to work this week and when he comes home at about that time he's exhausted and not in a great place to deal with the crying either. Last night this all culminated in a lovely passive aggressive non-fight with him out cutting weeds in a thunderstorm because he thought that I thought that he wasn't doing enough around the house (when all I really wanted was to eat dinner).

I know it's just sleep deprivation, but I wasn't expecting it because she sleeps so well at night (up every 3 to 4 hours, but sleeps between feedings).

[Jac]

Just generally overwhelmed right now by my job as the Juggler Of All Things including:

-3.5 DS (enough said) and 6 month old DD who is (thankfully) a pretty good sleeper but also an early riser (5:45-6 am seems to be the norm).

- we're moving next month which means packing, purging, arranging movers, home insurance, switching utilities, lawyer appointments, bank appointments, etc. etc.

- need to find new nanny asap in new home location - hard to believe we'll ever find someone as good as current nanny, and so sad for son who is really close to current nanny.

- DS starting new school - he doesn't handle transitions well

- I am starting my own firm in our new location - so all the stresses/to-dos that come along with starting new business

- haven't told my current work yet that I am not returning from mat leave because as soon as I do we will lose medical coverage (not a big deal like it is in the US, but I'll have to start paying prescriptions and DS has a lot of prescriptions). This means we're keeping our move pretty quiet to ensure word doesn't get back to my work.

- am registered to write a major exam in the fall to get a new qualification. It's a two day exam with a 67% failure rate that you can only take once a year. I really need to gear up my studying but am woefully short on time.

- BF'ing is a constant mental struggle - it's going well BUT I CAN'T PUMP. I don't know why. I've tried half a dozen different pumps, seen two consultants, etc. It's not a supply issue because DD is thriving but when I pump, nothing (or sometimes, just an ounce) comes out. It's like my b.oobs go on milk strike protesting the touch of anything not baby. And not pumping means I feel so tied to home. I struggle daily with whether to allow 'just' one bottle of formula so I can get out of the house more, but I know from my first kid that is a slippery slope and I don't want to ruin what is otherwise a a great BF'ing relationship.

- my husband is gone for work 2 weeks every month so I feel like a single parent half the time (full respect to single parents - I know it's not the same, and I certainly get to rely on his income, even when he is not here). I hate constantly feeling like the keeper of the routines, the details, the appointments, etc. And, frankly, am tired of hearing DH talk about how tired he is from all the travel - he gets to sleep in hotel rooms BY HIMSELF. ALL NIGHT. NO INTERRUPTIONS. So, please, STFU. I would pay someone for that opportunity.

Phew, thanks for this. Nothing major. Everyone healthy. But still nice to have a whine.

[Jessica]

We're broke. My husband's company got better health insurance, but his premium went up, so he's bringing home less, without a raise in sight. (The only other choice would have been to drop family coverage, but I don't get health insurance through my job, so that's impossible. And yet, thank G-D for health insurance.) I get paid for the amount of work I do, but I can only do the work I'm sent by clients, and they've been stingy lately. Credit cards are maxed. Savings is gone. What now?

My kids are both at "1/2"s right now (4.5 and 2.5) and so are both in disequillibrium states, which is making me crazy. Plus, I'm 7 months pregnant, which means I'm also in a disequillibrium state. And financial stress doesn't help.

On the bright side, they both slept through the night simultaneously for the first time in weeks, after I cracked down and refused to stay in either one's bed at all at bedtime (usually, I lay with each for 10 minutes or so before saying good night, but my back hurts and I didn't feel like it), which made me feel like a shitty mother. And yet... and yet, they slept, after weeks of taking turns waking up EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. So was I wrong?

And now I have to go to Walmart and figure out a way to feed my family of 4 for at least a week on less than $100, and we keep kosher, so I can't buy the cheap meat or most of the other cheap food. Plus, I like to at least pretend we eat reasonably healthy.

[Mama Bird]

My heart goes out to everyone here and I'm sending love and good vibes to all. Hope, my son was 4 when he was diagnosed with autism (he is 7 now) and I had a six month old baby at home too. I couldn't get my head around the diagnosis for a while either and also chose not to think about it. You will go through many stages but eventually everything will come together. You will find people to help and meet some amazing parents who will help guide you through everything. You'll put together a plan and learn to parent in a new way. There are a ton of great books out there and if you want some recommendations please let me know. My rant for today is trivial but causing me major anxiety: a neighbor volunteered our tiny street for a block party this weekend. We aren't friendly with anyone here (see "we have a child with autism" for details on that). The neighbor didn't bother to ask us if we minded all of this going on and there is really not going to be any way to avoid having the party effect us as we are on a dead end and more than 125 people have signed up so far. I am annoyed at the thought of garbage being strewn everywhere not to mention what she plans to tell people who need to use the bathroom. We fully expect her to put us on the spot at the last minute and ask for help when she knows it will be tough to say no. Additionally, the neighbors behind us are hosting a bachelor party that is going on now (since this morning there has been one guy who yells "woo hoo" every five minutes and I want to bash his brains in) and will continue until Sunday. We would plan to leave but we have sports stuff going on all day with our kids and they are going to be exhausted by the time the hoopla starts. The thought of dragging them out to eat just to avoid our own house is making me want to cry. Arrgh!

[anonny]

@Jac- i know someone else who was in the same position of being able to nurse just fine but never to pump... One bottle of formula will not hurt your kid. If you're mentally struggling with BFing overall then your mental happiness is much more important than the occasional bottle of formula. Give yourself permission to cut yourself some slack.

@mom2boy- you deserve better. try to find some help for your emotional state of mind.

@amanda- while we didn't have early risers at age 2.5 there was some bliss when the eldest would quietly go down to hang out for 30 mins by himself before he woke us up. Now at close to 5 he and his brother will go down and turn on the TV and hang out by themselves on the weekends for as long as we let them. So just think forward to the day when you can get an extra hour or so b/c your kid can amuse him/herself.

My primal scream----------

I just don't enjoy parenting anymore. I can't seem to find the pleasure in the small joyful things too much either. I feel resentful and angry at "what's being done to me" too much. I yell too much and feel like my anger is out of control. There are some mental health issues I know I need to resolve asap and yet I am so scared to say this stuff out loud to anyone for fear that someone will consider me unstable and try to take my children away. I feel like unless I walk around saying how much I love it, people will judge me for being a bad parent. I HAVE NEVER hurt my children or could imagine harming them physically but I am sure that my yelling and irritability is something they need to be protected from too.

[anon]

I have a 16 month old, I'm going back to school, and I'm in the worst financial crisis of my life and my husband doesn't seem to care. My hubby took a "temporary" (what he says) pay cut at work and so he has been using his credit card to supplement his income so he can buy his cigarettes, lottery tickets, fast food, and beer. We make a $250 payment on that card every month but the amount we owe increases by about $300 dollars every month. At this rate the card will be maxed out in a year. I'm so upset and no matter what I do I can't get him to realize he's royally screwing us by not sticking to a budget and limiting the credit card purchases to things that might be really important like the gas it takes to commute to his job. I'm starting to doubt my commitment to him and our marriage.

[Cloud]

I think my primal scream is that I'm too busy to do a proper primal scream. Oh well- at least I can see the end, when we do a big upgrade/migration at work. Over the 4th of July weekend. Good thing that I don't like fireworks that much. Besides, I live in San Diego, and Sea World has them almost every night in the summer.

Oh, and I have a cold.

So, I guess I have a primal whimper, not a scream.

But... @anonamoose- I am completely UNenamored with my Mirena, which I also paid out of pocket for. I spot all the freakin' time, although that is getting slowly better (I'm about 1.5 years in to the 5 year life of the product, and still breastfeeding, which I hear may have something to do with the spotting). And I think that even though it is really low dose of progesterone, it is messing with my sex drive. So if you do one, I'd vote for the paraguard. But that's just me.

@Amanda, I don't know if this helps or hurts, but when my first was a baby, 6 a.m. was sleeping in. Seriously- we got up by 5:30 for roughly the first year of her life. She's 4 now, and she is still up by 7 a.m. most days. My second sleeps in to 7:30 sometimes. Some kids are just early birds. It sucks, but it says absolutely nothing about your parenting skills!

[Kris]

After months and months of putting together menus, testing out foods, hundreds of dollars spent on the ingredients for all the tests, as well as when the people actually came over to try the food. Ok wait, this is getting confusing.

I was asked to cater my friends wedding. Appetizers and Cupcakes. We came up with a menu. I practiced the recipes. They came and did a testing. Then they changed the menu. Then they changed it again. Then they fired me, then told me I was on, then fired me for everything but the wedding cupcakes and the bridals shower. Then , less than 2 weeks before the bridal shower, the groom did the one thing he knew would make me quit. He asked for all my recipes and measurements, and accused me of not being able to provide enough food (this isn't my first event, I know how to make enough food.) So, I had to quit, and I have lost a friend in the process. She didn't want to talk to me, and stopped talking to me a week before the blow up with the groom. They had also backed out of all the ways they were supposed to pay for me, since we were doing a services trade, and they were supposed to take pictures of us at Disneyland and they flaked out. I have been informed that I am still not to talk to the bride, my friend.

So, hundreds of hours, 20 pounds, and almost $1000 of food later, I am fired from all of it. Well, I quit, but I was pushed to it. And I can't blog about any of it, because she reads all my blogs, and therefor it would cause war. So, I have had to silently seethe.

[anonamoose]

@Jessica, are you familiar with The Frugal Girl blog? She has a ton of great tips for healthy food shopping on a tight budget. She feeds her family of 6 (4 kids) on $100 each week. http://www.thefrugalgirl.com/category/frugal-grocery-shopping/

Good luck and hugs to everyone with such mind boggling issues.

[Erin]

I wish I knew what *I* want. Not what everyone else wants for me. I'm tired of being pulled in every direction by everyone around me. Yes, it is a very, very hard life-changing decision. NO, I don't know what I want yet. Now leave me alone so I can decide.

@LC hugs. My DS had those same cranky evenings at the same age. We found changing his environment helped. If he was cranky inside, go out on the porch for a bit, etc.

[Cloud]

@Jac, have you tried using a handsfree bustier, covering up the pump so you can't see, putting some trash TV on, and having a beer while you pump?

That is third hand advice, though, so YMMV.

[feesh]

My husband and I have been discussing the possibility of having a second child for 6 months. I would like another, he is fine with one. He really doesn't want a repeat of the worry and sleepless nights. He was also out of work for 6 months while I was on leave and we're just recovering from the stress that put on our relationship. He has a contract until February now but who knows how long it will take him to find another job. However, we're both 41 so time is ticking. I can't decide if I'm being completely selfish by pushing for another child, especially since we're all getting decent sleep most nights, or if I should stop rocking the boat and be happy with what we have.

[Freaked Out Mama]

My heart goes out to every single one of you mamas - I'm sending you all big hugs.

I have a crappy sleeper too. She'll be 2 next week. She has started waking up at 6. It's KILLING me. I'm newly pregnant, and the insomnia has kicked in. Add in the fact that now if I wake up during the night, I'm awake for at least half an hour or more (and that happens at least twice a night), and I am a cranky, bitchy, zombie mom. Nobody likes to be around cranky, bitchy, zombie mom.

I'm worried about money all the damn time, but cannot figure out how to take my specific skill set back into the marketplace AND raise my family.

My husband has an addiction that I found out about on the same day that I found out I was pregnant. Our marriage may not survive. I feel alone and freaked out. He's my best friend. Who am I supposed to talk to about this with?

[Moxie]

@anonamoose, I adore Nuvaring. Adore adore adore. Not a single side effect, no breakthrough bleeding, nothing.

anonny, I think more people with very young children feel victimized by the process than you imagine. Make sure you're taking all the right vitamin/mineral supplements and doing some kind of core exercise (yoga/Pilates/T-tapp) to help you get a little breathing room, and then talk to someone about it. It gets better, but you don't have to feel this crappy right now, either.

Anon with the 16-month-old--he has an addiction. He won't choose you. Protect yourself and your child while you can.

Kris, ugh. They have treated you horribly.

[Kris]

For everyone worrying about money a great place for finding easy cheap recipes is hillbilly housewife. Very Frugal. Also, check if you can get food from Angel Food Ministries in your area. We can't, but I hear it's a lifesaver in areas where it is available.

As for sleep, my 2.5 year old still doesn't sleep through the night.

I am trying to get off of morphine and all my other medications so I cam try to have a third baby right now. It's hard. I am going through withdrawals right now. I was only on it for 3 months, but that is long enough to get addicted.

[anonamoose]

@Moxie, nice to see your responses to a lot of the posts today! :)

Regarding BC, I just got off the phone with my health insurance company and found out that Mirena would cost only three-hundred something out of pocket, which is a lot more reasonable. But I really would prefer to try NuvaRing. It sounds perfect for me and if I don't like it, I can easily stop. But my stupid insurance makes me pay in full until I reach my deductible, which won't likely happen and I don't want to shell out $700+ per year on BC...

Bleahhhh... Primal whine indeed.

[Moxie]

@Anonamoose, your doc/midwife should be able to give you a sample ring. It's only one month, but at least you'll know how you react to it.

[anonymoustoo]

@anon - "bird by bird" is one of my favorite phrases. It made my heart happy just to read it. Also, anything that makes me think about Anne Lamott is good.

@Amanda - I'm not happy about your early riser, but man, I have to say I am totally relieved to hear it, because we have an up-at-5am 7-month old and nothing seems to change that either. Sigh.

My scream: my sister-in-law is just driving me insane. She has a big, admittedly very hard problem to deal with regarding her child, and I acknowledge that. It is definitely not easy. But as much as I try hard to understand and empathize, she is just very brittle and defensive and I can never get anything right, and no one can ever do or say a good thing, and no one else's life has ever been as hard as hers, and it. is. wearing. me. out.

Or, maybe I should scream about the fact that I am a selfish bitch. Apparently.

[BB]

First time mom with a five month old. Started our version of sleep training two nights ago. Then yesterday my husband had an accident at work - nothing serious - and had to get a few stitches in his hand. He's not allowed to lift anything over ten pounds for a week and a half. SO - I have to do 100% of the baby care 100% of the time, and the sleep training flew out the window.

It's more of a small complaint right now than a primal scream, but if the child wakes every hour and a half at night again without help from my husband, I may just fall over dead.

[Ginger]

My kid moved to a toddler bed last week and we are now dealing with the worst sleep since he was probably 4 months old. It's an hour to an hour and a half to get him to sleep at night (and mommy has to be in the room with him or he gets out of bed, turns on the lights, and SCREAMS). He has at least 3, but sometimes up to 6 night wakeups--again, out of bed, light on, screaming, tears rolling down his face. I think he's a little unnerved by not having the "security" of the crib side (being enclosed), but whatever it is, we're operating on like no sleep. I'm regretting the toddler bed like none other, but he was getting out of the crib every.single.time we put him down.

[AM]

My 8 month old was diagnosed with a "pivot shift" this week, which means that she either has a very loose ACL--or else she's missing one altogether. This on top of the hip dysplasia (for which she wore a Pavlik harness for the first three months of her life) and torticollis. So we're looking at another brace and probably reconstructive surgery down the road. Heavy sigh.

[Rachel]

The roof! The roof has damage and needs to be replaced. There is no money for the deductible. Sometimes the debt makes me feel like I can't breath. With the roof the debt will be about 15 thousand. I feel like it is crushing me. (just me, hubby doesn't care)

[Cece]

Let's see.

My 2.5y son thinks it's 'cute' to run away when I'm trying to leave somewhere - like daycare. And I have to chase him. Last night I grabbed him, he resisted, and then slid his foot into mine, breaking off my toenail. Seriously!?!?! My husband doesn't chase, he just leaves. I never think of that when it's happening.

I'm coordinating a block party and it's spiraled out of control (bounce house, carivnal games, bocce tournament, wiffle ball game, band, food, face painting) and then other people who are helping are spending the morning at the Bruins Rally in boston - so I'll be setting it up all by myself.

And praying it doesn't rain.

[Bonnie]

the wretched 45 min naps. Grrrr on my 11-week old's behalf - she can't sleep through the 45 mins mark and wakes up sooo tired and cranky and can't go back to sleep. I have so much compassion for her because she just *looks* so miserable after she wakes up, and just cries with tiredness. Poor girl.

[Wilhelmina]

@ K, I am upright and walk just fine. And I have low muscle tone and very hyper-mobile overly bendy joints. Sure I need to do Pilates and aerobic exercise to keep going well and physio-therapy every so often but I did walk down the aisle and am still walking. Once upright and walking I kept on, and you can compensate for low muscle tone. Honestly.

Lots of sympathy for the many great difficulties and painful issues here.

Meanwhile I'm not so much screaming as whimpering. I feel really guilty and very bad over the pre-school incident where DD's teacher complained about her while she was listening as I had not communicated well about DD's difficulties. I heard what I wanted to hear and disregarded the rest. Daughter bore the brunt of that.

And I feel a complete fool over strawberry- allergy and other fruit-allergies. While DD is very allergic and very atopic with the eczema. But the early anaphylaxis before two years old were all contact allergies that became food ones. Swelling face and inside her mouth, eczema all over. So I had the Epipens and was avoiding egg, peanut and dairy and the bell peppers. And scanning all the time for those symptoms.

Then DD developed gastro-enteritis episodes with pin-prick eczema all over. Vomiting, nausea, very severe cramps, terrible diarrhea with lots of jelly. Short bouts as in 12 or so hours and then she'd need more time for her intestines to recover.

I thought it was fructose intolerance. Really I did. It wasn't until I saw a pattern of eating strawberries which she loves and bouts right after, within 90 minutes of onset that I finally, let me go to the head of the class, finally twigged that this was more allergy in a different form. And phoned the allergist.

Gastro-intestinal anaphylaxis. Repeated bouts can damage the lining in the small intestine and colon. It's not just strawberries. She's had this before after other fruits.

I'm so on the barge going down the Nile about the eczema and allergy thing. I thought I was meticulous and I do manage to keep control of her skin but I missed something that made her terribly unhappy at school and something that can damage her health for life and will strip loved foods out of her restricted diet. Ouch.

[creatingbalance]

Ahhhh could use this today, I'm a massage therapist with a full day of work and I can't turn my head to the left- ironic! Don't have the resources to get regular work myself.
We just ordered the big boy bed due to the big boy climbing out of the crib which means that till it comes and I guess forever after I can't let him do some crying in the middle of the night and so our sleep training is out the window. He is threatening to give up the nap, boo-hoo!! I need to wean him off the paci( for his teeth) and the boobs( for me) I'm am the lovey, he is a twiddler and I'm climbing out of my skin with all the touching touching touching!!! Guess how much I have left for DH???
I feel a little disconnected and lost in the groundhog day of toddlerhood, need some mommy time soon!

OTH we did get a reprieve from the 5:30 a.m up for the day, when he wakes up around 5 I bring him into bed with me and he sleeps till 7/7:30 its amazing.

On the positive note, I went for an awesome run yesterday which gave me a huge high, and the speech therapy is working DS is talking so much more this week!!

Thanks for the space to vent, Moxie- I've been checking the other blog out wondering if you've come to the end of the negotiations yet. Hoping peace for your family soon.

All the best to my fellow Moxites, hoping tomorrow is a better day!