Nursing: It Gets Better

I've had some requests to do an It Gets Better post about breastfeeding. Anyone want to share?

I'll start:

I had plenty of milk, but problems positioning (bad nursing pillow that let my son's head roll down so the latch got twisted). I had a ton of soreness and totally wanted to stop. My mom convinced me to try a different nursing pillow that strapped to me, and within about two days the pain was mostly gone. I still didn't think I could make it because it was just not even remotely fun. Cluster nursing and growth spurts were bad. I had oversupply that caused him to fall asleep after 10 minutes of nursing and then want to nurse an hour later, all day long.

But I just kept waking up and shoving it in his mouth when he cried, and one day it didn't seem so horrible, and a little while later it was actually ok. And now he's 9 and can get his own drinks. I never really did feel that blissed out loving it thing some women report.

Now you, please!

Comments

[heather]

My daughter would only nurse with a nipple shield, which I hated, especially since my child was also called "easily frustrated" by a lactation consultant and would announce she was hungry by screaming her head off. I always struggled with the shield, which lead to every single nursing session beginning with her screaming at her while I frantically tried to get the shield on right. Then she kept screaming while waiting for my milk to let down, and finally, FINALLY, started nursing and didn't stop for an hour. Eventually she and I got better at the latch, she started to relax a little bit about waiting 30 seconds for milk, she was able to nurse faster and more efficiently and finally FINALLY we got rid of that damn nipple shield after 5 months. We nursed for 16 months total and I miss it more than she does. I never LOVED it, but I loved that she had 1 cold in her first 16 months of life, grew big and strong, and would sometimes contentedly sigh after a meal and look up at me with the same love that I felt when I looked at her. It didn't happen all the time, but when it happened it was amazing.

[Leanne]

One thing I learned from nursing my first and being unable to nurse my second (what I now know was a tongue tie, but before the problems of tongue tie and nursing were well known and so it went undiagnosed): the idea that nursing through cluster feedings and growth spurts is hard and therefore bottle-feeding a child will spare you that pain is a myth. My second son cluster fed in the evenings on his bottle of commercial formula and growth spurts made me want to give him away (sarcasm).

I think it helpful, when looking forward (maybe with a little fear) to nursing a child, not to think of breastfeeding as a separate mode of giving nutrition to an infant - far better to think of breastfeeding as parenting. And, with all aspects of parenting, sometimes its easy, sometimes it is profoundly, heart swellingly wonderful and rewarding and sometimes it is hard work.

Surrounding oneself with other women who breastfeed also helps.

[Carrmos]

My daughter is 17 months and still nursing regularly. I had soreness for the first 4 months but it got better after that. Teething and biting is no fun at all but she learned to not bite me after the first couple of teeth. I have no idea when we will wean and I would love to go a full night without waking up to nurse a couple of times but I know the nutritional and health benefits ourweigh my dicsomfort and invonvenience. I often find that I prefer to nurse during the day than to make another snack. Nursing is way easier than cleaning up the kitchen 6 times a day. It is much better now than in the beginning. I need the "it gets better sleep topic". 17 months of very little sleep is catching up to me!

[Regina W]

Our little girl was tongue tied (http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/bfhelp-tonguetie.html), so nursing caused extreme pain until we managed to get it cut after 6 weeks. Nursing improved immensely immediately after having the tie cut, but it still took 8 weeks before I had no pain from the damage that had been done. I still have a scar on one of my nipples from her incorrect latch.

I also had an over-active letdown (http://www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/fast-letdown.html), which was a blessing while our girl was tongue tied because it meant she was able to get enough milk to grow (tongue tie can cause low or no weight gain, among other issues). However, the letdown also caused her to swallow a lot of air, so she was extremely gassy. Add to this a mild dairy allergy (http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/food-sensitivity.html#protein) that wasn't diagnosed until she was 9 months old and you get one very, very unhappy baby.

I discovered block feeding (covered in the above link about over-active letdowns), which helped with the over-active letdown. Once we got that figured out, our daughter would comfort nurse as often as we let her (but at least she was happy while nursing!). Since that was the one way to keep her happy, she was attached to me for most of her first 6-7 months. She got better as she got older, but she was still "colicky" due to the unknown dairy allergy, so we did everything we could to comfort her.

When we finally discovered the dairy allergy and I cut dairy out of my diet, we finally had a happy baby. At 2 years and 3 months she is still happily nursing 1-2 times a day. I'm currently pregnant and hoping to wean her slowly because breastfeeding while pregnant is uncomfortable for me. Once the new baby comes, she is welcome to nurse along with him. Here's to hoping the new kiddo has an easier time! :)

(Hope you don't mind me including the links. I found kellymom.com incredibly helpful for answering many of the questions I had about breastfeeding. They are one of the best, up-to-date breastfeeding sites on the web.)

[Melissa]

My son used to have marathon nursing sessions that lasted an hour and a half or more. They called him a champion nurser in the hospital. He wanted to nurse all the time. I thought I would love nursing - I hated it for the first six weeks. He was a frequent nurser (still is) and didn't sleep well, and I spent a few nights crying in the rocking chair because I was so tired and my nipples hurt so bad. He used to grunt and pull and push while he was nursing. After 6 weeks (that was the worst growth spurt ever for us) I didn't hate nursing, but I didn't really love it. Around 13 weeks, I fell in love with nursing. Sometimes it's still a chore and I'd rather be doing something else, but most of the time it's our break from the day. We just get to sit, and nurse, and stare at each other. He giggles and smiles when he looks at me, or runs his hands through my hair. It's so sweet and always puts him in a good mood afterwards...and me too. My breasts don't hurt or leak anymore, and it's just the easiest way ever to feed him.

[Heather]

It was mostly ok for our 16 months. The main thing I learned was that fenugreek and I do NOT get along. I'd get nervous and drink that tea, I'd smell like we bread (not a deal breaker) but my nipples would burn like they were on fire after about 12 hours and then not stop until I stopped drinking the tea. It took me four rounds with fenugreek to figure out that they were related.

With more sleep I think I would have figured it out by the second time ... the third for sure.

[Shandra]

With my first I had thrush, mastitis and clogged ducts. With the ducts I finally learned to (TMI, sorry) squeeze them like a pimple, thereby forgetting all the advice not to and making my life much better. Looking back, my older son was the laziest nurser. He's still not a big eater.

This time around I have had massive oversupply with all the issues around that - spitting up, frothy poo baby with weird weight gain and concern around hindmilk. He also learned to break the suction and let the milk out of his mouth - smart kid, but ow cracked nipples.

Block nursing has helped a lot, albeit sloooowly and we're just coming out of the woods. But he also has a kidney defect and has been on prophylactic antibiotics his whole life, which failed and now he's on the "pink stuff" so...that means a constant thrush battle.

Why have I hung in there - with my first I think I was a little bit too invested in the "breast is best" thing - sure it is but really, formula is not poison.

That said, as soon as we got past the 5 month mark, it just was so nice to be so portable and it was easy and healthy and didn't require washing bottles and nipples and all that. So that's why I'm still hanging in there, despite the reintroduction of Nystatin and its yellow goo into my laundry life (and yes gentian violet is worse!)

[Melissa]

My little girl was 6 weeks early. So, nursing a preemie who was always hungry, but took forever to nurse, and with family who hadn't breastfed any of their children....not fun. But, she got stronger, we both figured the latch out, and we kept going for 11 months until my supply dropped too low to satisfy her. I don't regret a minute of it.

[Shandra]

Oh...I wanted to say on the just nursing end that I don't really get the blissed out hormones either, unless they just run through the day.

BUT this time around the best win is my iPhone complete with Kindle app, or the Kobo. So much easier & lighter than a book, and on the phone I can surf too. :)

[Katie]

My son is 11 months now and a champion nurser. (In fact, if someone could tell me how to get him to eat more solids so that I'm not still nursing him FOREVER, I'd be incredibly grateful!) But the first six weeks SUCKED. I remember sitting there in the glider wondering if he would EVER be able to latch by himself, without me holding my breast in exactly the right way and him in exactly the right position and so on and so forth. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Which was often because, like Moxie, I had oversupply issues and he ate briefly, but OFTEN. Even when he wasn't clusterfeeding (which - another plug for the brilliance of www.kellymom.com here - was insane until I just settled into it and accepted that it was what it was). But at some point, he figured it out. And it stopped being work for me. And now it makes everything easier - forgot a snack? no worries... No joke, the kid can now latch while climbing over me upside-down and kicking his legs around. So, it does get better! (Now, can someone please tell me how to get him to eat solids? Pretty please? I don't need to wean, and he sleeps through the night like a champ, but I would love to stop pumping at work before he's, you know, 3.)

[Giggling Sam]

It makes me feel good knowing that I'm providing for my baby (emotionally and nutritionally) and that it's something she needs me for. But 6 weeks in, I'm not loving it. My baby spits up A LOT. Sometimes she'll even spit up while she's nursing. So I guess I mostly associate nursing with spit up...which leads to many clothing changes and much laundry. I try to be thankful that I CAN nurse and that I have had no problems with it.

[M]

Thanks for this, Moxie,
Although my son is 14 months and still nursing, I feel like I only really got the hang of it (enough to enjoy it, anyway) a couple months ago.

In the beginning, he was in NICU, and an aggressive pumping regimen left me engorged with a let-down that he just couldn't handle. That took awhile to get sorted out (I wanted a lot of milk for when I returned to work, but not that much); then, he wouldn't nurse on one side without a shield; then, he became so squirrely that I couldn't get him focused; then...then...then!

Everyone told me it would get better at 6-7 weeks, then 3 months, then 6 months, and it just never really seemed to click. Somehow, it got better: we made it to a year, and we're now rocking the once-a-day nursing session, which, actually, I love.

I totally thought breastfeeding was going to be so easy and wonderful, and it turned out to be (for me) the hardest and most frustrating thing about having a baby.

[Chelsey]

I needed to read this since I now have a two-day-old and nursing is not terrible (yet), but just in case it is soon! :)

[eee888]

My milk didn't come in for several days, and my hungry 10 lb boy was nursing so hard I think he was getting more blood than milk. But once my milk came in, and my nipples healed and got used to nursing, we were smooth sailing. I loved nursing, and at 2.9 we are actually still nursing at bedtime (though I am ready to be done and need help/advice on how to get there without trauma or drama!). I had a few bumps in the road- mastitis and clogged ducts, and a nursing strike at 9 months, but overall nursing was a calm, close time for us, and a wonderful, healthy, free way too feed him. And I found it so convenient when out and about to be able to feed him without worrying about bringing bottles or anything. One of my fondest memories from the haze of the 1st month was nursing him one night when he was just starting to smile, and him looking up at me and smiling so big that he couldn't stay latched on! It was so sweet (though I eventually had to stop making eye contact with him because he kept doing it!)

[Jessica]

My baby wouldn't latch in the beginning. I mean, she COULD latch, she would just only do it maybe once every six tries. We went to lactation consultants, tried nipple shields, took her to the chiropractor. All while having to pump all her milk. Eventually I just quit trying to nurse and resigned myself to pumping. (Also found kellymom.com very helpful during this time)

Then I read that sometimes at 3-4 months old they'll just start to latch. So I tried again on her 3 month birthday and lo and behold she latched on just as if she had been doing it the whole time. JOY!!

I had clogged ducts and mastitis occasionally and it was painful for about a week while I got used to it, but we persevered. I DO get the blissed out feeling when nursing. Not every time, but often enough to make me not want to quit. My daughter just turned two and we are only nursing at bedtime now and I just can't bring myself to give it up. Apparently neither can she.

[SarcastiCarrie]

It just gets better. It gets easier, become not painful (possibly even pleasant), the babies get bigger and have more head/neck/breathe/swallow control. How long it takes depends on the nursing pair and particular circumstances. I found a big jump at 2 weeks, another at 3 weeks (which meant I no longer curled my toes during latch), another at 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, and a year (and both times I stopped around this last one).

One strange thing just to note since several people have said they still nurse 1-2x per day. I can either nurse or not, but there is no half-way for my kids and me. If I stop pumping or daytime nursing, the supply drops off so quickly and completely that the kids will not tolerate being nursed to bed and have no milk. So, it's 7 times per day from the first day of life to the last day of nursing in our house.

[meggiemoo]

@GigglingSam...check out Kellymom.com (referenced in a lot of these posts). The spitting up could be related to nothing, or it could be related to an oversupply on your part. There are lots of ways to resolve it if it is, and less laundry for you!

I nursed my DS until he weaned at 2, and am still nursing my DD at just over 2. No signs of her weaning anytime soon.

There was certainly a learning curve with my son, but I was very grateful to be surrounded by sisters and friends who had nursed and a very supportive husband. I was committed to nursing for at least a year (hopefully two) with both kids.

For any new nursing moms out there, some words of encouragement:

- it gets WAY WAY better if you can persevere through the first couple of months
- cluster nursing ends, engorgement ends, leaking ends, etc., as your body figures out the right amount of milk to produce and your infant develops
- I know of no other way (at least, no quicker, easier way) to soothe a baby and/or put a baby to sleep. That right there was enough of a reason to nurse for me.
- extended nursing is a breeze because they're so efficient and only nurse once or twice a day (for a few minutes a session)
- if you have a snacker like I did, and don't want to be tied to a chair several times a day, experiment with nursing in a sling. I nursed both kids in my Ergo (not at the same time, ha) and went for long walks. They nursed, fell asleep, it was awesome.
- If you're having any issues with nursing, check out Kellymom or call an LC. Most things can be resolved (I never knew about oversupply until my DS choked when nursing, clamped down on my nipple and wanted to feed every 12 minutes!).

[Usher Laura]

Oh yes, it gets better. With my little guy it was the nursing combined with the exhaustion, c-section recovery, hormones and everything else. It felt like my LO nursed ALL the time, and didn't go to sleep until 2, 3, 4 am. I don't remember when it got better -- after a month or two -- but it go so much better. He got to nursing faster, I got more confident about what was nursing for food and comfort (and passing him off to dad sometimes if he just needed comfort) and now at 18 months, we are still nursing and mostly enjoying it.

The only hiccup has been the night nursing -- we night weaned him at about 13 months, but he's been sick/teething non stop for most of that time, so he's not consistently sleeping through the night. But the sleeping has improved and my husband can help a lot at night.

[Erin]

I loved nursing. I did get really strong blissed-out feelings from nursing, even more strongly the second time than the first. (I'm only saying that in case there are some pregnant ladies reading this who think the bliss stuff is a hoax. I felt drunk on oxytocin with #2 for months.)

I also had oversupply and a let down that my #1 couldn't handle (my #2 is such a voracious eater he used to choke and gag and stay tenaciously latched on) - he would scream and pull off. An LC recommended a quick pump before feeding to get through the let down, and that worked really well. We nursed for 18 months and only stopped with a medical contradindication. Anyway, w/ #2 is was even easier because I was confident, etc. But I have a distinct memory of getting #2 latched in his first week and thinking - MAN I need another TWO HANDS. Latching on a newborn is complicated! So for me, it gets *so much easier* when they get some head control. For some people the sweet spot comes after a couple of months (occasionally never) - for me it was right around 4-6 weeks. Nursing an older baby is SO MUCH EASIER than nursing a newborn. (I never minded growth spurts or cluster nursing that much.)

OH, and the best tip I ever got for my nipples was to throw that lanisoh cream out the window - you know what works great? Breast milk. Just squeeze an extra drop out at the end of every feeding and rub on. Air dry for a minute or two. It helped me avoid cracked nipples.

@meggiemoo - AMEN to the soothing component of breastfeeding. It's really fabulous to have magical insta-soothing devices with you 24-7. My husband is so jealous. It's also really nice when your baby gets sick - you can't really do anything to make the poor things feel better, but every time you nurse them you feel like you're giving them medicine (ie, antibodies). This is esp true w/ vomiting and/or diarrhea because breast milk is so easy to digest.

[eee888]

Oh, reading the comment about the constant spitting up reminded me about how my son used to do that too! See how I forgot? It resolved in time (maybe 4 or 5 ish months?) and was never a health issue, just an annoying ruin-all-my-clothes-and-furniture issue. In hindsight, I bet it was an oversupply factor... who knows, all that matters is that it got better!

[Erin]

@Katie - what are you feeding him, solids-wise? If you started with purees and he hates them, maybe he just hates purees. My #1 was very texture-conscious and also hated to be spoon fed, so as soon as we started giving him bits of things he could eat himself, he loved eating. Yours sounds old enough for some pincer-grasping small soft chunks, or baby-led weaning style (french fry shaped soft things so he can easily grasp them without choking).

[Sharon]

Twins. Started with nursing, pumping, and bottle feeding every 3 hours all day & night. Nipple shields. Pumping regularly (and nursing) for 3 months. But then things fell into place and I nursed those twins for 2 1/2 years. Got SO MUCH EASIER and more enjoyable and just today we looked at old pictures and my (now 4 year old) daughter exclaimed "That's me getting milk from your breast!" So much better.

[Stefanie]

I had nine weeks of nursing problems (low supply, bad latch, sore and bleeding nipples, thrush, clogged ducts, a baby who would nurse for 1 1/2 hours per feeding). After those nine weeks, it was smooth sailing. I ended up nursing my older daughter for four years (one year tandem nursing), and I weaned my younger daughter a month ago at the age of 2 1/2 years. After the first troubles, I loved nursing! It was certainly worth it.

[Sharon @proactiveparenting]

My nursing experience was horrible, until it wasn't. And that took 6 months~with each of them!

I'm dating myself but, I was never told about nursing pillows. I don't know if they even existed then. A pillow was probably just what I needed, too!

Latching on was crucial for me and we were doing it wrong! And no one ever checked or asked me about it. I'm well endowed to begin with and nursing made it ridiculous in the beginning.

I had mastitis at least twice a week, with both of them for about 2 months, then about once every 2 weeks for 6 months. At 6 months the kids were so busy playing that they were very serious about eating and then let me down, that they became powerful nursers at that time.

I loved it even though I had all those issues.

[laura]

It *does* get better!

I had terrible pain and cracked nipples for the first 10 days or so. I never considered quitting an option, but I also had a very supportive mom and husband there with me, helping me every step of the way.

Once the initial pain had healed and I had figured out how to nurse side-lying and in the sling, it was much easier.

Then I had to eliminate practically everything (and I do mean *everything*) from my diet for Dd1's severe multiple food protein intolerances.

I survived that for the next 8 months or so (losing about 50 pounds in the process), and we found healing through a NAET practitioner.

After the food stuff was resolved, we went on to nurse until the eve of her 3rd birthday! This is one of my greatest accomplishments!

Dd2 has been a breeze. She even began sleeping through the night at 12 months, God bless her!

So...even if it only gets tolerable with the one you're currently nursing, some day you will have the guts to try again and there is a great reward therein. :)

[cs]

I lost a lot of blood delivering my son, and milk is a blood product - who knew? So I didn't have enough, and ended up nursing him for 25 minutes on each breast, pumping 10 minutes each breast, feeding him the pumped milk, and then topping him up with formula. Every 2 hours. But, much to my surprise actually, within about a week the pumping increased my supply, and topping him off with formula gave him the energy he needed to eat better, and he was then a champion 100% breastfeeder after that and gained like crazy. I never loved breastfeeding, but it went fine after the initial gong show and I'm glad I persevered. A week can make a big difference to sore nipples and confidence and success.

[Hillary]

I love nursing, but I still can't believe I put up with how difficult it was for so many months postpartum. I couldn't get her to latch, came home from the hospital to marathon nursing sessions (40-50 min on each side every 2 hours) and a screaming baby. Then I found out at her one week appt that she hadn't gained any weight. I saw a lactation consultant who showed my unbelievably wonderful husband how to hold my boob/baby's head and we worked in tandem for 4 days until she figured out how to latch and started gaining weight (4 days may not seem like much, but I recall it being very hard). I never established much of a relationship with my pump (as the LC put it) but tried to pump all the time to bulk up my supply and my freezer. None of it worked, I got sick, we had to use a bottle, and mercifully a friend donated her frozen milk supply (if you have a major milk supply and a friend in need, please consider doing this!). I had 2 rounds of mastitis, recurrent blocked ducts, caught about a zillion viruses and was majorly exhaustion. I refused to give it up even though pretty much everyone said it would be OK and better for her if she had a healthy mother. I read everything on Kellymom, talked to LCs, talked to other moms, watched videos on YouTube explaining how to position your infant to maximize latch efficiency, and just kept trying different things until I figured out a homeopathic solution to increasing my nursing supply and treating engorgement/mastitis, and I finally got some help taking care of her so that I could get well. I did get the euphoric feeling from nursing, but also a sense that it was the one thing as a new parent I knew was The Right Thing to Do. And I was/am insecure enough that I really needed something to hold on to that I knew I was doing well. My daughter is 15 months and I still nurse her several times a day. I love nursing her. On the weekends, we curl up on the couch and I read and nurse her until she naps in my arms (I call this the ro no nap nurse - the ro no stands for romance novels. Heh heh). The first time I realized I could read and nurse her for those long intervals was when I well and truly fell in love with nursing. I think she was about a month old. All the pain and problems resolved when she was around 5-6 months old and never came back, especially once she started solids and I gave up on the pump for good. I still occasionally nurse her overnight, but if I don't want to get up, my husband gives her some milk or water and that works for her too. When she does nurse, she's about 2 minutes on each side, which is ridiculously fast, but plenty of time for us to reconnect and cuddle. I love the look of satisfaction and joy on her face when she finishes. And it really is the 'magic boob' - gets us through teething, tantrums, illness, travel confusion, airplane rides, new people/places insecurity, hunger when there are no snacks handy, you name it. I hope to nurse her for years, I find it so beneficial. Plus, seriously, the nursing metabolism is the best postpartum diet around!

[Lisa]

We were very lucky in that nursing came easily to us both, and (after the initial nipple pain and latch adjustment) we both loved it. Not so lucky for me, he nursed around the clock, nursed constantly, had oversupply/foremilk issues (which we pretty quickly figured out how to address with block feeding), etc. But he was colicky for 5 months. But nursing was the only thing that soothed him/put him to sleep, and he loooved it. So we went with it.

But sleep was always a huge issue - he had enormous Fear of Missing Out from day 1 (still does), needed less sleep than most kids his age (still does). Nursing to sleep was my ace in the hole.

And it turned out I wasn't transmitting iron in my milk (weird genetic issue? who knows?), so he became severely anemic from 6-11 months. Which meant sleep went further to hell. Finally figured that out, and he went from 20-min naps to 1.5-hour naps, waking 8x/night to only 2x/night. I could live with that. Still nursing to sleep, because it was the only goddamn thing that worked.

Oh, yeah: On Mother's Day he turned 3 months. I went for a massage and left him with DH and a bottle. Kid wound up the right hook and knocked that sucker across the room; alas, he never went back. (Much later, I learned about high lipase levels, and suspect that was the issue. But at the time, we tried all kinds of stuff and finally gave up on the bottle. I work from home, so could just deal with the constant nursing, at least on a practical level. But I wasn't away from him for more than 4 hours for a year. whew.)

So, yeah, the first year was, um, intense. Nursing was both my bane and my savior. Sleep was my holy grail. And then... things slowly got better. He was very interested in solid food, but only as a hobby/entertainment until about 14 months. Then sleep and eating got better - up only 1-2x/night for the next year, enough solids/sippy of cow milk or water, so he could go through a good chunk of the day without milk.

From then it was easy, if quite prolonged. I had a nice oxytocin rush from the beginning. I had just right supply, no engorgement, no problems. We nursed for several more years, over time adding limits (not on the bus!, only at home, not during the night, only morning and bedtime, only bedtime) when it seemed right, or when I started feeling resentful/overwhelmed. Nursing became just a nice easy moment of closeness, with added benefit of knowing he was getting good nutrition/immune support despite somewhat picky eating habits.

Eventually it was only once or twice a week at bedtime, when he asked. We had a little talk about how he was bigger now, and when might he be ready to stop nursing, let's talk about what we could do instead (snuggling), etc. He set an end date (his 5th birthday - I *never* thought I'd nurse so long, but that's how it worked for us) and the time came. He asked once or twice thereafter, I reminded him about the snuggling, we had some nice stories about how when he was a baby he nursed all the time, etc. And that was it.

[Jac]

Some advice I found on here (I think it was Cloud?) was to set small goals - like I just wanted to nurse for the first 6 weeks, and then I would reassess. When we made it to six weeks, the goal was moved to 12 weeks, and so on.

I think with both my kids, nursing physically got easier after the 12 week growth spurts (but, boy, do I hate those growth spurts).

I'm also finding nursing much easier the second time around, and I think it is because I've cut myself more slack this time and let the baby have the odd bottle of formula. With my first I wanted so badly to nurse "exclusively" but that resulted in a baby who wouldn't take a bottle and a miserable mommy - I felt so trapped. We made it to 8 months. This time around I haven't taken an all or nothing approach, so if I need a break from the baby (or I need a stretch of undisturbed sleep) and I haven't managed to pump enough for a bottle (I find pumping EXTREMELY difficult - just don't manage great output), then baby has some formula. I know that's not recommended because it can affect supply, but I haven't found that to be the case and we are at 5 months and still going strong with the nursing. Some breastmilk (and in our case, mostly breastmilk) is better than no breastmilk, and I think I am finding nursing psychologically easier this time because I don't feel trapped. I predict that my more relaxed attitude (and therefore my greater enjoyment) will result in a longer nursing relationship with my daughter.

[electriclady]

Just to strike a slightly different It Gets Better note: Nursing itself never really got better for us--as I've talked about a lot here before, we had all kinds of supply and latch problems adding up to a perfect storm of badness, and despite the valiant efforts of myself and two highly trained lactation consultants, I never had a full nursing relationship with my daughter and gave up pumping altogether at 20 weeks. For the first year of her life I felt a lot of guilt and grief about it, but gradually I was able to let go of those feelings. Now (she's 4) I truly am at peace with not having been able to breastfeed.

So: Yes, nursing almost always does get better. But if it doesn't, that gets better, too.

[Jen]

Oh gosh I hated nursing for the first 3 months solid. I had an oversupply that caused problems with positioning, latch, soreness, etc. I had mastitis and countless plugged ducts after. I also was resentful of all the time I had to spend doing it (especially compared to my husband who had to do zero of it), and I felt totally tied to the baby and like I could never go out for more than a few hours on my own (since I'd get so engorged I needed to pump). But finally the block feeding my lactation consultant suggested started making an impact on the oversupply, and I got a job working from home so pumping got much less stressful. At 6 months I was actually kind of enjoying it (often, but not always!), but at that point I reluctantly decided to stop because I had to have some serious and painful surgeries. I was very conflicted because I felt like I had finally sort of figured it out and was enjoying it sometimes, but I also really needed my body back so I could focus on healing myself, and I wasn't up for the challenge of negotiating a hospital stay and medications while still pumping and BFing. I'm not sure how long I would have gone on if I hadn't had those surgeries. Maybe a lot longer, maybe not. But I'm glad I didn't give up at the beginning when things got hard.

[Barb @ getupandplay]

I had a lot of pain while nursing and after consulting with my pediatrician, my primary care doc, my doula AND a lactation consultant, we all concluded that my baby just had a really small mouth. He just couldn't get a big "bite" of the nipple (meaning a big, wide open mouthful), so that caused me a lot of pain. His latch was as correct as it could be.

Even with that pain, we persevered. And it got better. I noticed that the first two weeks were really, really painful but then I felt a small improvement. The pain/discomfort was gone by 2 months but that was a lot of gritted teeth and tears to get to that point.

I didn't ever get mastitis or have bleeding nipples, thank goodness, because that would have put me over the edge.

We nursed until 11 months when the teething got the best of both of us.

[Amanda]

The morning I was supposed to leave the hospital, the nurse came into my room and saw my bleeding, cracked, sore nipples and was aghast. "They're not supposed to look like that!" she unhelpfully exclaimed. My daughter was jaundiced and all she wanted to do was sleep, so the two times the lactation consultant came by to help we couldn't get her to stay awake long enough to latch on. It was hard. But I'm glad I persevered. After 10 months, I was barely producing and she starting biting, so it was time for formula. And I was okay with that.

[Corinne]

With my first, I had such trouble getting the latch right, and she was a very forceful nurser. This resulted in BLOOD BLISTERS on my nipples. Which popped. In her mouth. At 5 in the morning. One tearful call to the hospital nursery later, I kept at it, and started using Lansinoh. I also had an overactive letdown, which caused her to gag and choke while nursing. It was very disheartening (to say the least). It was not the calm, serene, instinctive thing that I had envisioned. Things started to turn around at around 2 months, and got a LOT better around 3 months. By 6 months, it was everything that I had imagined, and we continued our nursing relationship until she was almost 2. When her brother was born, the first time I had him latched on my breast the thought popped, unbidden, into my head, "I love this." I was amazed at how much easier it was the second time around, when at least one of us knew what we were doing!

[Linden]

I nursed both of my kids for about nine months. With my son, I had major supply problems (due to a tongue-tie and not enough stimulation in the first few weeks). I ended up on medication for my supply, which made things a lot better but I still didn't love it.

With my daughter, I saw my LC often during the first weeks and months, and things went a lot better. My supply was fine (although never more than enough) and nursing was pleasant, although I still felt trapped and wished someone else could get up some nights to feed the baby.

Once you get past the initial learning curve, there is no easier or more convenient way to feed a baby. No worries about not packing enough formula, or not having a clean bottle, or not being able to find water. It's the best way to soothe a baby, and so easy to get them to sleep.

I'm happy to be done, but also happy that I worked at it and made it happen with both of my kids. And it IS work, for most of us. But so is the majority of parenting. Lots of work interspersed with moments of fun.

[meggiemoo]

One more thing...oversupply is super-common, so if your baby is choking at the breast, clamping down on your nipple, feeding every 15 minutes and screaming for more right after, he/she probably isn't getting any hindmilk. Which results in gas, hungry baby and no weight gain. It's really easy to correct, so search hindmilk and oversupply on kellymom...

[Emily]

With my daughter, she had a nipple shield because she was a preemie and had trouble sucking right. It took five months, but once she got it, all was well. With my son, he latched poorly, and I had bleeding nipples for a week, but then, all of a sudden, he got it. Both nursed for 18 months, and we saved bundles on formula. :) I also hate that mothers often feel like it has to be an all-or-nothing deal. I heard some criticism about the nipple shield from breastfeeding activists, saying I was causing nipple confusion. Without it, I never would have breastfed. I say, use everything in your arsenal. If the problem is that you are too tired, it's OK to let your husband use that bottle once in awhile and take a 2 hour nap.A time or two won't be the end of the world, and sometimes I think moms get so overwhelmed with the process that they quit, when what they really needed was a break.

[Debbiepenguin]

I struggled with low milk supply and for the first couple of months it was an endless round of breastfeed, bottle feed, pump, repeat. I was devastated not to be able to breastfeed exclusively.

Things got better once I stopped pressuring myself (my lactation consultant pointed out that breastfeeding is great, but a sane mother is essential.) So I let myself skip pumping a couple times a day so I could leave the house.

I never had enough milk to breastfeed exclusively but got up to about half and half. My son is now nearly two and still nurses himself to sleep at night. When he climbs up on my lap and cuddles up it is definitely worth the struggle - though I wish I figured out earlier to focus on what worked for the two of us rather than my idea of the ideal outcome!

[meggiemoo]

@Emily, hear hear! It doesn't have to be 100% breastfeeding or 100% formula feeding. If you work and want to nurse when you're with your baby, but don't have any interest in pumping, you can still give him/her formula at daycare and nurse whenever you're together. Your supply will likely suffer a bit, but it doesn't mean you have to give up nursing just because you're going back to work. Any breastfeeding is beneficial...

[Shoshana]

My daughter latched on easily, but we had a host of other issues the first few months. It started with an oversupply issue, continued with a persistent case of thrush that went undiagnosed until two months in and took another six weeks to go away. Then came reflux and a milk protein allergy that went undiagnosed until she was four and a half months old. Once I eliminated dairy (and soy as a precaution) from my diet, she was much happier (and so was I). All of this was combined with moderate post partum depression (for those of you suffering, there are medications that can alleviate this. Don't be afraid to get help). So the first six months were incredibly tough, but yes, it did get better. She's 21 months old now, and still nursing, and I am so grateful that we were able to persevere through the beginning, because nursing has been incredibly special. Hang in there!

[Erin]

@ On oversupply - As another oversupply mom, I just want to say that I never went the block feeding route. I know many many women find it super helpful, and I'm not trying to knock it. It sounds great. But I didn't want my supply to drop, so I "managed" my oversupply rather than trying to take steps to reduce it (a quick pump before nursing - didn't last forever, plus lots of pumping. I had a really nice electric double pump and that made a huge difference). If you're wondering why I didn't want to reduce my supply, the two reasons are 1) I was nervous about my supply once returning to work and wanted to have tons in the freezer; and 2) I donated all my extra milk and loved loved loved being a milk donor. So if you have oversupply (esp if you are SAHM or have a long mat leave) there's a mother&baby out there who could use your milk, either through formal donating (milk banks) or informal (human milk for human babies). I never had trouble with mastitis and had only two minorally clogged ducts. I don't know if it's just luck of the draw, but one thing I do when I pump is make sure my breasts are drained really really well by gently applying pressure in a downward (toward the nipple) motion with one hand, all around the breast. It applies pressure to the ducts and is (IME) a much more effective way of pumping than having the machine do all the work.

[Katie]

@Erin, yes - he definitely does better with feeding himself (most of the time - sometimes he will surprise me and pound through purees). But there are days when anything I offer him, in any form, and he just throws it on the ground. I guess that's par for the course, but I just don't know! (Sorry for hijacking the thread, and thanks for the suggestion!)

[Rachel]

I wanted to nurse so much. It never occurred to me that I could have problems. I mean, my body was MADE to do this! I took the class! I succeed at things that I want to do!!! Nursing was my introduction to Motherhood Is A Learning Experience And You Don't Know It All Yet!

My milk came in late. My daughter was a lazy nurser and couldn't be roused. My nipples are larger than average (:-/). I had an overactive letdown... By day 5 I was frantic and a lactation consultant told me that I was starving my baby. AAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHH! I talked to a different consultant. We started a routine. I would feed my baby until she fell asleep then pass her off to her daddy with a bottle of pumped milk. Then I would go pump for 15 min/side. Then I would wash the pump parts and the previous bottle. Then I usually had to give her the bottle because she and hubby would have been asleep the whole time. *sigh* Then it was time to rest until the next feeding.

I was a zombie for a while. I did what other posters have mentioned - I set small goals. 'I'll nurse until 3 weeks', 'I'll nurse until 6 weeks', 'I'll nurse until 9 weeks'... I woke up one morning around 8 weeks and realized that it wasn't so hard any more. My baby was nursing for a full feeding. Our anatomy now lined up better (a.k.a. - her head and jaw got bigger) so I could nurse side-lying. It was a routine now, and not an awful or hard one.

I exclusively breast fed for just over 12 months. She had no real interest in food even though I offered it every day. We're still nursing at 22 months, but we're down to once a day. I am so thankful for the support that we received from professionals, friends and family. I'm so happy that I was able to (eventually) provide my daughter's nourishment for a full year! I cherish the bonding and quiet time that our nursing sessions gave us. I will dearly miss the feel of her tiny toes on my tummy.

[Artemis]

Bad latch + bad positioning = bleeding nipples first few weeks. Excruciating pain + general misery and shock of a newborn = one very unhappy new mama. I got help from a lactation consultant who put me on a programme and within about a week all was well. We nursed BLISSFULLY without a single problem until she was over a year old. Four years later I exclusively breastfed twins, one to 15 months, the other one is still going at 20 months.

[Rbelle]

My daughter has what I can only decribe as a lazy latch (no tongue tie, we checked). I have quite small nipples and boobs that are large but kind of ... um ... pointy? Despite being assured that "all breasts are the perfect shape for nursing," I'm pretty sure that these factors combined contributed to our early problems, which included a cracked nipple, blocked duct, and engorgement issue on one side, and considerable soreness on the other. My daughter was a quick but frequent nurser (every 30 to 45 minutes), and latching was excrutiating every time on the "bad" side, but while it felt like forever, I think it cleared up in three or four weeks, especially after I figured out that I needed to use Lansinoh after every. single. feeding, not just once or twice a day.

What took much longer was being able to nurse with only one arm occupied. Because of the aforementioned laziness, I had to hold my daughter's head in one hand and my breast in the other for about 4 months, until she got full head control. A flat pillow helped because I could sometimes let go of her head, but I always had to hold my boob, or she would pop off, or curl her top or bottom lip under (losing the perfect "fish-lips" latch). And I attribute this in part to my breast shape because it was never as much of a problem at night, when she'd go longer between nursings and my breasts were fuller. Even now that my baby is 7 months and nursing is mostly comfortable, her latch will still get pinchy if my breasts are on the empty side. Anyway, I wanted to throw all that out there in case anyone else is getting all the usual advice (check for tongue tie! fix your positioning! try a different hold!) but none of it seems to help. Sometimes the baby's mouth and mother's breast AREN'T perfectly matched and once I decided there was nothing I needed to do to "fix" it but wait until she was older, I felt a lot more relaxed about having to feed her in a nontraditional way. And I always made sure to fire up an episode of Friday Night Lights or Law and Order before we sat down to nurse and I couldn't let go to get the remote :)

Some things that helped me through those early weeks:

-the nurse in the hospital who told me it would hurt for about a month/the LC who told me my toes SHOULD curl for 15 to 30 seconds after the latch. I think it's a disservice to tell women that if it hurts at all, something is wrong. Nipples are sensitive and need a bit of time to toughen up. If I had expected it to be blissful and pain free right off the bat I might have been more discouraged. As it was, I could tell the difference between the "something is wrong" pain and the "normal, will go away on its own" pain pretty easily.

-the doctor/nurses/pamphlets that told me to nurse on demand at the baby's early cues (tongue thrusting, etc.) I know a lot of women feel trapped by this, but I never did. Instead, I felt liberated because (a) I expected to be nursing all the time so (b) I didn't feel frustrated when my daughter's little tongue would start going 30 minutes after I last fed her and (c) I felt no guilt that I wasn't getting more done. Honestly, it didn't occur to me that things should be any different, and because I was watching for those early cues, she rarely had an opportunity to get worked up over being hungry. I didn't have to watch the clock, or worry about a feeding schedule, and I had an excuse to snatch her away from in-laws when I was feeling territorial. It just felt like I knew what she needed and was doing this one thing right. Plus I suspect it helped me build up a good supply.

-realizing that somebody else probably had it worse. I don't mean to sound flip here. My breastfeeding book included quotes from nursing mothers and in the section on cracked nipples, the quote was from a woman who didn't solve that particular problem for FOUR MONTHS. When I read it to my mother, she said "That's your benchmark." I never really considered quitting, but if I had, knowing that the cracked nipple lady (along with half the posters here) would be well within her rights to hit me upside the head with "The Womanly Art..." would have pushed me a little further.

-the bonding. I've never felt the hormone euphoria either, but even during the cracked nipple days, I loved to watch my daughter eat. She never seemed more perfect than right after finishing a feeding, when she'd lay her head on my shoulder with a contented sigh. And she never seemed more HUMAN than at the start of a feed, when she'd get this look in her eyes like she'd just found water in the desert. I'm sure this can be just as true for bottle feeding, but for me, knowing that I was providing this for her, that my body was making this food she LOVED SO MUCH made it worth it to keep going.

And she thrived, and I thrived, and now it's grand. :)

[PiquantMolly]

(Dissertation ahead.)

I’m coming at this from a bit of a different angle, but let me just say that even if you can’t breastfeed, exclusive pumping (if you choose to go that route) ALSO gets better. It just takes a hell of a lot longer to get better.

Everything was stacked against me from the beginning after my daughter was born in August. She arrived 6 weeks early via c-section (I have a bicornuate uterus and my water broke early) and small for gestational size. We were very lucky that she had no breathing problems, but her low birth weight earned her 2 weeks in the NICU, during which time she was bottle fed and I pumped around the clock to get my supply started. We had a few nursing sessions with the lactation consultant in the NICU, and they went well, but when she was finally discharged the neonatologist wanted me to only nurse her once a day, due to her small size (she was about 4 ½ lbs at discharge) – to make sure she was eating enough calorie-fortified milk. For the rest of her meals, she got expressed breastmilk with a small amount of Neosure formula added.

Starting your supply with a pump sucks balls. There’s no other way to say it. Though your baby is at a hospital across town, you’re getting up at all hours of the night to stick two vacuums on your tender nipples while your husband snores in the other room. Early on, it’s terrible – every 2-3 hours, and you’re warned that you shouldn’t start dropping pumps until your supply is established at 12 weeks. My daughter also had classic colic, and pumping as fast as possible while she screamed was a nightmare. I tried an elimination diet for two weeks to see if her colic was dietary, but it wasn’t. Prevacid helped with her reflux, but some babies are just colicky.

I realized early on that I was going to be an overproducer, so I dropped to every 4 hours at 2 weeks out. It saved my sanity, but I still overproduced. This led to its own problems – engorgement and foremilk/hindmilk imbalance. If I did nurse E, I block nursed to be sure she got enough fatty hindmilk, and then my other breast would be painfully engorged, so I’d have to pump anyway. It just got to be easier to pump to begin with.

Somewhere along the way, I developed thrush. Now, I’ve passed several kidney stones, and I’ve had three months of drug-resistant thrush. I’d rather have the kidney stones. It took a month of Diflucan to get rid of it for good.

At three month postpartum, I went back to work. By then I was down to 4 pumps a day and still making 40 oz or so each day – plenty more than E ate. I was into the swing of things, though, and I even dragged that pump on a road trip from Louisiana to Minnesota, pumping in the backseat on I-55.

3 pumps a day was entirely doable for me. I pumped once in the morning before work, once midday, and once before bed and made about exactly as much as E ate. That was a real sweetspot, at about 6 months postpartum.

Things were terrible now and then. Pumping then bottle feeding is an incredible pain in the ass, and takes twice as long as just breastfeeding and about four times as long as formula feeding. In some ways, it’s the best and worst of both worlds – the convenience of bottle feeding and being able to leave your baby when you need to, with the health benefits of breastmilk -- but also all of the time spent pumping and the washing of bottles and pump parts, etc. Pumping while I had stomach flu will also go down in memory as an especially bleak time in my life.

Time and again I tried to get E onto the breast, once the calorie supplementation was no longer needed. I talked to three different LCs. But by then she just wasn’t interested anymore. The boobs were too slow, and apparently not hard, cold, and plastic-y enough (how is that appealing? Whatever). Latching with a shield works now and then. Along the way we’ve had a few real, normal nursing sessions – I think the longest was about 10 minutes, and it was wonderful. If I ever have another, I’m going to work my hardest to get on the breast from the beginning. It’s so much damn easier than pumping.

Now I’m at 8 months postpartum and down to 2 pumps a day. My frozen milk stash is gone, and I’m in the process of weaning myself off the pump and her onto only formula. I’m very proud of myself that my daughter got exclusively breastmilk for the first 6 months of her life, and has gotten majority breastmilk since then. She’s growing like a weed and healthy as a horse. Whenever I feel guilty that she won’t be getting the fully recommend one year of breastmilk, I remind myself that I only got 4 ½ months of breastmilk myself (before I contracted pneumonia, went on nursing strike, and lost a pound in one week), and look how fabulous I turned out!

I’ve got to say, pumping (well, and the colic) has been the hardest thing about having an infant. And it’s the one thing I dread the most about the possibility of more children, if infertility doesn't strike again.

So – if breastfeeding just doesn’t work for you and giving your baby breastmilk is important, exclusive pumping is an option. It will suck for about 12 weeks, but hang in there – it is doable. And there are great online support groups around. It wasn’t my first choice, but I’m glad that it was an option.

[Charisse]

I'll just contribute that even without any problems - Mouse was all latched 10 mins after birth and my milk was in before I left the hospital, never got engorged had more than a plugged duct here & there...it can feel HARD. And it still gets easier.

My biggest issues were that Mouse would not take a bottle, a paci, or anything but mom. Never learned to, either - but she did start drinking from a hard, toddler style sippy cup at 6 months...and then she started eating food and discovering other comfort methods besides sucking...and it got better.

The other thing was that I got my period back when she was 3 months old. And man, did I ever hate nursing on my period. It just felt *so* awful and depleting. But that too got better and better as she got older and nursed less...and then it all got ultimately all the way better when I weaned her at 2 and realized we'd done a great job.

[amanda]

breastfeeding was actually one of the things that went well for us, thankfully, after a tough tough birth. i was super gung ho and read every bfing book i could get my hands on and had my little "nursing" nest where i would sit up all night in the early days...ahhh...what nostalgia!! hah! but at some point about 10 days old i suddenly had this revelation, like, WHAT IN THE HELL have a just signed on for? to be the sole source of nourishment for another human being every two hours around the clock for the next six months?!? and i was kind of like holy crap i am never going to make it. i suck at schedules, am absent minded, and can barely take care of myself! but you know what? we totally made it! and now when i look back it amazes me that i was capable of that!

which is just a long way of saying sometimes you'll run into issues along the way--physical or mental. for me just getting my head around it mentally was huge in the beginning but we just kept at it and i am super proud of that!!

[Katie]

Oh boy, I'll really try to keep this short.

Things seems to start out well despite one cracked nipple and scabbing on the other. I still wasn't willing to give up nursing when he would not stop crying his second day. I resisted supplementing until I finally got so depressed that I couldn't get out of bed to care for him. He went to the nursery so I could sleep off my traumatic birth and heal from my c-section, but I still had to wake up every two hours to pump.

I was so determined to breastfeed that I wouldn't even give up after he rejected the breast because of the bottles they gave him at the hospital. My husband and I woke up every two hours so he could bottle feed our son while I pumped for the next feeding. Then the doctor told us our son was still losing weight.

I wouldn't even look at the bottles of formula the hospital sent home with us. Instead we went to visit the most amazing lactation consultants ever and they taught us how to use a nipple shield and syringe to coax my son back to the breast.

That was the beginning of a couple of very long days when each feed meant another struggle. My husband wielded the syringe, I wielded the breast, and my son wielded his stubborn resolve. The first few times it took an hour to get him to eat, then 45 minutes, soon he was eating after a half hour and so on until he finally accepted that the nipple shield was similar enough to the feel of a bottle.

A couple weeks later and we were ready to do away with the shield. I was terrified, but I just wanted to be able to whip out my boob and feed my son without any contraptions. Sometimes he was ok without it, sometimes he accuse me with his cries of trying to starve him. Finally, he started to accept my nipple without the shield more often than with it and eventually I could toss it into a box of baby stuff we hope to never need again.

Boy, we had a hard time. But wait, there's more! I noticed a little white bump on my nipple, consulted the internet and discovered I had (a very painful) clogged nipple pore. Every time I'd discuss it with friends they'd say "oh man, plugged ducts are so painful!" and I'd clarify, "no, this is not a plugged duct. I've had those. A plugged duct is nothing. This is searing pain IN MY NIPPLE EVERY TIME I NURSE on that side."

The lactation consultant told me they take weeks to go away. Mine took more like six. Before every time I nursed I would soak in hot water with epsom salt while my son wailed. After I would lather up with nipple butter, sometimes I wore those hard cup things that made me look like Madonna so my nipple wouldn't rub on my shirt. Every time I nursed, I would curl my toes under and curse my husband for suggesting formula.

I did not get mastitis. There's the part that went well.

Here's the good news. At eight weeks, my world changed. I healed. My son was nursing well and gain weight like a sumo wrestler. And I was on a high that can only come from achieving something that was oh so very hard to achieve.

Now my son is 11 months and nursing is my favorite thing I do every day. I LOVE it and I thank my stubborn past-self every day for not giving up. I see moms around me weaning their kids left and right and I'm overjoyed that my son seems to have no interest in weaning. I know he'll want to stop one day, but I hope to make it to two years. It's really up to him, though. I wasn't ok with him quitting when he was four days old, but once we hit one year, I'll reluctantly give it up if he wants.

[Emily N]

this isn't an 'it gets better' story. but.... some women have a lot of pain and don't realize it's thrush. They may know baby has thrush, they may know they have thrush, but I'm surprised that some doctors don't explain that the pain - that's the thrush. Sometimes you just don't understand why it hurts and you think it's latch or supply, so you pump and then supply really does go down, etc. Thrush hurts. But with treatment, it will go away and that thrush pain will go with it. (yes, I know not all pain is thrush - but you'd be surprised that some women know they have thrush, but don't know that's a reason for pain).