The Lemonade Queen got married yesterday.
A few weeks after I came out about getting a divorce, a reader contacted me asking for advice. Her husband had just told her he was leaving. She had a 3-year-old and a 3-month-old. It was worse than just "he was leaving," but that revealed itself over time.
She and I became personal friends, and over the past few years I've seen her grieve the loss of what she'd thought was a good marriage, get her feet back under herself, and blossom as a person more than she would ever have had the chance to in her old facade of a marriage.
In the process she also wrote and recorded a rap song called Lemonade Queen, about taking a really bad situation and making it good. Which she has done better than anyone else I know. (Click through to the site and read the story and listen to the song.)
It's funny that she asked me for advice but ended up being my heroine.
In the process of her blossoming, a friend set her up with someone she didn't think was for her because of a bunch of externals. But she thought "what the heck?" and went on a date. That turned into love, and a relationship, and something deep and true.
They got married yesterday, and I was privileged enough to be part of the gathering of family and friends who love them and are so happy that they found each other.
18 months ago she didn't know he existed.
Who knows what will happen to you?
You are worthy and beautiful and true, and your time is coming.
Oh, Moxie, as always your writing is so timely, healing and wise. Just right. Thank you for your blog :)
Posted by: Julia-S | March 07, 2011 at 10:28 AM
Good thoughts. Thank you for sharing. I know life does for sure sometimes throw us curve balls etc.
Posted by: Babypagesdotorg | March 07, 2011 at 10:30 AM
exactly what i needed to hear.
Posted by: tina | March 07, 2011 at 11:27 AM
Same thing. Thank you for throwing that out to us, and of course I wish the same for you.
Posted by: AmyinMotown | March 07, 2011 at 11:30 AM
That's so awesome!! What a wonderful post!
Posted by: libbyllama | March 07, 2011 at 12:12 PM
Wow, I needed this today. On Friday my soon to be ex-husband moved out. My 6 year marriage was not good. I'm ok with not getting the marriage or family I wanted and I'm pretty happy that I got an awesome kid out of the experience. But I still wonder if there's someone out there who, as my mom told me this morning, "will see how special you are." This gives me hope.
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Posted by: eeeeee | March 07, 2011 at 12:57 PM
"a friend set her up with someone she didn't think was for her because of a bunch of externals"…
Isn't it amazing how letting go of a preconceived idea of what we want or what will happen can lead to wonderful things? When I met my husband, everyone I'd ever dated up to then was completely different in terms of looks, culture and personality; I initially thought he wasn't my 'type'. Not to mention I'd sworn off dating about a week before I met him after concluding that my judgement in men was too terrible to be trusted. But for some reason, I decided to give it a try. That was 11.5 years ago and every so often I have to give myself a pat on the back for having taken that leap-- it's the smartest thing I ever did :-)
Posted by: BlueBirdMama | March 07, 2011 at 12:58 PM
Yeah, thanks for making me cry at work.
Posted by: Jen | March 07, 2011 at 01:21 PM
A lovely story!
My ex (not husband, but we were together a decade) up and left one day, and although I found out the dirty details later, I was devastated. I thought my life had ended. Then I discovered my strength, just waiting for me, and became my true self. He gave me the best gift, just by leaving.
Then a few years later, happy to be alone, I met my husband on a trip. So lesson learned: when you're happy with yourself, you can find someone to add to the happiness, not just to fill an emptiness.
Heartache has a purpose--it's even a necessity. Part of me wants to protect my daughter from all hurt, but the other part of me knows she needs to come through heartache and disappointment in order to find her own strength and be her true self.
Posted by: Tina | March 07, 2011 at 01:55 PM
Oh, Moxie, I was sitting in my office feeling so overwhelmed and sorry for myself, so I clicked over to google your site (something like my 2.5 has become a demon and threw a block at me yesterday and I don't know what to do he used to be SO SWEET) and found this post. So of course the end made me start to cry. I need my time to come.
Posted by: Erin | March 07, 2011 at 03:06 PM
there is absolutely hope! my wonderful bf came on board when i had a special needs toddler, likes chunky women (which i definitely qualify as), and we share a devotion to the same off-the-beaten-path hobby. he is proof of a loving god, seriously. he's not perfect, mainly because he's a picky eater :), but he's perfect enough for me.
Posted by: marci | March 07, 2011 at 06:38 PM
You don't know how much I needed to hear this. Thanks so much.
(And 'ditto' to your As the Flames Go Up post, as well. This has been a tough single mom week.)
Posted by: Jamie | March 07, 2011 at 08:56 PM
That was lovely.
Posted by: Celeste | March 07, 2011 at 09:33 PM
A friend of mine wants to have a baby. She'll be 36 in May. She's currently single but has a great job, owns her own home and has family nearby. She's been waiting for the stars to align so that all the pieces are in place - job, finances, relationship. That last piece is elusive. Her clock is ticking and she knows it. Does she have a baby on her own and maybe the relationship comes or does she wait for the relationship to come and let go of the idea of having her own child? 18 months can go by in the blink of an eye...
Posted by: fork in the road | March 08, 2011 at 09:06 AM
This makes me think of another Pema Chodron line, when she says: "We call a thing good, or we call a thing bad, but the truth is, we just don't know." We just don't know--on a really deep level--what is around the corner.
Posted by: Rudyinparis | March 08, 2011 at 09:55 AM
Nice to hear about when good things happen for good people!
@Rudyinparis - Ooh, that's a great quote!
Posted by: hush | March 08, 2011 at 11:43 AM
Hi Hush--yeah, it's a good reality check for me!
Posted by: Rudyinparis | March 08, 2011 at 01:57 PM
Moxie, how do you always know what to say at the exact right time? You must be a bit psychic.
Posted by: Shoshana | March 08, 2011 at 01:58 PM
I too felt the perfect timing of this post. Had a big, and much-needed, cry earlier in the afternoon because I'd only slept about 3 hours the night before (26-month-old having night waking issues all of a sudden) and I'd just found out that a company for which I had wanted to work hired someone else without giving me an opportunity to interview. (Had been networking with them for awhile but hadn't heard they had an opening and I'm sure they picked someone who's better-connected since I'm brand new to town.)
Anyway, was feeling so low about being passed over. Needed that little glimmer of optimism that something great might be just around the corner. Feeling much better today and energetically back to the grindstone starting my own business.
Posted by: Anna | March 08, 2011 at 06:56 PM
It surprised me how many of the above posts *I could have sworn* I wrote myself.
Posted by: MomPlusKid | March 08, 2011 at 09:33 PM
Great post Moxie. And good to hear. Having been separated now for over 2 years and in the midst of the legal work to actually divorce while trying to co-parent a 4 year old and manage a career full time, there has barely been a moment to even think about dating much less the idea of re-marriage. So when I hear a story like this, it brings new hope :)
Posted by: maxzmama | March 10, 2011 at 02:05 PM
I was lucky enough to be at this wedding too. Hurray for love and optimism. LQ's story always reminds me that the bad part? It's not the end - it was the ugly middle before the happier middle, and onwards and upwards.
Posted by: C | March 12, 2011 at 11:47 PM
Well, Moxie, my love, the Lemonade Queen missed out on this post because she was on her honeymoon on a remote Caribbean island. She came back to a mountain of work and parenting and probably would never have realized that there was a post about her, but for the fact that she heard yesterday about another good friend in the early stages of divorce. LQ of course referred her friend to Moxie's blog for a high-power dose of validation and acceptance, only to hear from said friend that there was a post about the LQ nuptials. So Moxie, with her glam shoes, has now kicked the LQ back up to Cloud 9, after she had started to drift down to about Cloud 7.5. The community created here at Moxie got the LQ through some of her darkest days in 08 and 09, and she is beyond gratified to have any part in the karmic cycle of comforting and inspiring others.
Posted by: Lemonade Queen | March 16, 2011 at 01:29 PM
what you want to do is what you want to do now!
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