Q&A: Should she get a pet?

Karen writes:

"Should we get a pet? My son is 2 and goes crazy when he sees a dog or a cat when we're out walking."

Number 1: It cracks me up when people just flat-out ask me questions about their lives.

Number 2: No. You should not get a pet.

OK, that wasn't really fair. Pets can add so much to your life, and to your child's life. They teach unconditional love, responsibility, and caregiving skills. There is really nothing cuter than a little kid curled up with a dog or cat. (Unless it's my 5-year-old leading a cat rodeo in my apartment this morning at 7 am, which one cat was willingly participating in.)

But they're also money pits, between the food (and cat litter if you have a cat, water supplies if you have fish, etc.) and vet bills. (It's going to take me at least another 3-4 months to recover financially from a vet emergency with one of my cats in June.) And do you have time to walk a dog twice a day? Because you're the one that's going to have to do it. Or clean out the bird cage or rodent cages.

My cats are another part-time job, basically. I think it might be different if there were another adult in my house who'd take some responsibility, or if I lived in a house and could make them go outside sometimes. But there are times when the cats are the final factor that almost push me over the edge of being able to deal.

Readers? What say you? Should Karen get a pet? Do you have a pet? If so, would you do it again? Why or why not? If you don't have a pet, do you wish you had one?

Comments

[Megan]

YES!!! Get a pet for sure! So many times kids that grow up without pets never learn to like pets. Then as adults they're afraid of them or just think they're dirty and they never know the joy of having one. My husband was like this and I made us get a dog and it seriously blows his mind how much he loves her, but he never would have done it if I hadn't made him.

[Jen]

I am struggling with this same question! My son is still a baby, so I presume he won't start begging for a pet for several years, but my husband is already begging for a pet! I remember desperately wanting a dog when I was a kid but my mom refused, citing the reasons Moxie lists. Except for two short lived gerbils my house was pet-free. As a grown up, I now don't care to be around animals. In fact, I'm mildly afraid of them. I don't particularly want my son to feel the same way, but recently I've started to wonder if disliking animals is really so awful. I certainly don't want him to be cruel to animals, but does it matter if he himself doesn't want a dog when he grows up? Pets do teach lessons but are they lessons he can't learn in other ways? I don't have the answers yet but I'm starting to think a pet just isn't worth the hassle, money, and personal discomfort I would experience.

[Melanie]

OMG...no...don't do it! So tempting, but the cuteness wears off and the shedding/scratching/chewing/destruction/peeing-on of everything that is precious to you lasts FOREVER. We are finally rid of our two cats (they have moved on to happy forever-homes with my parents) and just have one dog now...which I don't expect we'll be replacing when we get to the point where she is not with us anymore. Due to cat pee, vomit, and fur infusion of fabrics, we have had to replace/throw away carpets, furniture, clothing, curtains, and other soft materials. My couch has permanent scratch marks all over the armrest areas, my front door looks like it's been attacked (in fact it has, from my insane dog that rips into the frame everytime someone walks by on the street), not to mention that I have threatened extermination a number of times for her crazy barking that inevitably comes after FINALLY getting the baby to sleep...

All that aside, I think if you do really want a pet, that you should do research on the type of pet as well as the breed to find something that fits. There do exist cats/dogs that don't shed (albeit I think for cats your only option there is some rare hairless breed...)

Keep in mind that once you have a pet, if it needs any sort of feeding/walking/maintenance, who will be doing that when you go on vacation? What if you need to work late? Are you going to come home to puddles of pee on your floors? Are your neighbours going to call animal control when your dog barks all day because it's lonely? Are you prepared for vet bills and other costs? Our dog can only eat this certain kind of vet food (that costs $80/bag and lasts 1-2 months) because anything else gives her some sort of butt gland issues (nasty) due to the lack of fiber...

I guess what I'm saying is think of all the negatives...and if you can live with that, then go for it. Getting a pet should not be a spur-of-the-moment decision.

[Cathy]

It's hard to tell. :)

If you have a friend with a dog/cat that you know & trust (both the friend and the animal) you could offer to pet-sit for them to see how it is in "real life". It could be that animals are fun to visit but your 2 year old isn't really ready to have one for keeps.

You could also wait a few years until the toddler is able to help more with routine tasks (feeding, training, etc.)

Our 2 year old does help with feeding the dog on the days my high schooler isn't up early/forgets (it's his job, normally), and we've resigned ourselves to the fact that when our current dog is no longer with us, the 2 year old will make us get a new dog. For a long time, dogs were her favorite people.

[Christine]

Well, we have a houseful, courtesy of my job. Two dogs and four cats and we'd have more if my husband hadn't finally put his foot down.

But. Routine veterinary care for us is free (since I can do my own) or cost (supplies, since I don't own the clinic) or seriously discounted (any specialty care in town gives me a giant discount as a referring vet). That doesn't negate all of the expenses, but it's a significant amount.

If the only reason you want to get a pet is because a toddler likes animals, then I would say no. Any animal you get is going to be your sole responsibility at this age. And this is a particularly hard age to have kids and animals together, so in addition to everything Moxie mentioned, add in the fact that you will have to provide constant supervision every time the kid and the pet are in the same room.

But if you wait a couple of years, your son will be able to have a say in what kind of pet he would like as well as take some (not all, and not even most) responsibility. Tiring the pet out, since tired pets are good pets, feeding, watering, etc.

In the meantime, do you have any friends with pets who will let you come over for a visit?

[Angela]

No! If you don't already know the answer to that question -- you're not dying to get a pet and relishing the extra work -- then the answer is definitely no! That's what I say when the child is little.

When the child is in late elementary school/junior high, the parent(s) are hopefully more able to handle the extra responsibility and the child can benefit tremendously from having a faithful companion during what is often a stressful time in his or her social development.

[Claudia]

Easy for me to say, but yes! Get a pet. I, however, live in the country where a) the cat goes outside -- we don't even have a litter box, and b) the cats come to us. We didn't seek out our current cat. She just adopted us (and we did our best to find her rightful owner first).

Moxie is right, however. They are a responsibility and can be a time and money drain. Take that into consideration. But I loves me some kitties, and do not like living without one.

[taylor]

DON'T DO IT. I have a cat and I wouldn't do it again. I love my cat and had her long before i had my hubby & children. However, she is the pickiest eater of the bunch, is constantly going in & out (which means one of us is always going up & down the stairs to the door to let her in or out) and is just one more mouth to feed, critter looking for hugs and lately I am so spent. I feel like I neglect her (and I do,my hubby is her best friend now) and that leads to mad amounts of guilt on top of everything else. Don't do it. my two cents. On the positive - the kids learned to be gentle and you can always tell which kids have pets at home.

[Amy]

If you have to ask the question, the answer is no.

I had a cat from 1996 until just recently when she died. I've been astonished at how much cleaner my house feels now that she's gone. Don't get me wrong - I loved my cat - but she would step in her litter box and then STEP ON MY COUNTERS or my KITCHEN TABLE and SLEEP IN MY CLEAN LAUNDRY! GAH!! If you're at all worried about germs and dirt (and what mother isn't?) I don't think a cat is the answer. Besides, they don't do much. They don't do anything, really.

I like dogs a lot more, but you might as well be bringing a loaded gun into a house with a two year old. How's the dog going to react if its tail gets pulled? How's it going to react if the two year old tries to take its food? You don't know. It's a total wildcard.

We had a preexisting dog when my kids were born, and it was SUPER stressful to bring the first baby home. We held our breath for a good year, year and a half?, before we finally trusted her with the kids - and it was only after she got her tail pulled and her treat taken several times and didn't react aggressively. We had also had her around children who didn't live here prior to having kids of our own, and we knew that she had a good temperament for dealing with kids. We knew that she'd never been aggressive with visiting children, and yet we were on edge for a whole year at least (until the baby started walking and doing stuff to the dog, basically).

The thing is, with a new dog, you're not going to have that data. You're not going to know if the dog is good with kids or not. You can get a purebred with a reputation for being good with children ($$$) and hope it's not inbred and insane (a sad condition of a lot of "puppy mill" type dogs). You can get a mutt puppy and hope that it's not part pit bull or velociraptor, but if it's a shelter dog you never really know. You also don't know what it has been through in its life when you get an older shelter dog, and it's just a huge risk to take. A lot of those dogs have been abused.

Finally, your son is at a bad age for a new puppy. I'd wait at least two years before you consider it. Two year olds are nuts, three year olds are worse. With a four year old, you won't have to be quite as vigilant because he'll understand when you say, "You MUST be gentle, you MUSTN'T hurt the doggie," etc. At two, he won't understand.

[Melissa]

We had two dogs and a cat before my daughter came along (though I also have two much older stepsons). Yes animals are a money pit and sometimes its hard to plan a vacation around who is going to take care of them.

But they also make great doorbells, thief deterrents (because to everyone else your dog is unpredictable), cuddlers, unconditional lovers, companions, and teachers. They make my kid feel safe, taught her to touch gently, gave her a responsibility (she feeds them).

And I am puzzled why you place walking a dog as a deterrent. Fresh air! Exercise! Once or twice a day! I live in a very rainy place and there are definitely times when the idea of gearing up to take them out is just not appealing. But by the time I'm halfway through the walk I am so happy I'm out. I feel invigorated by the time I get home again.

[vanessa]

We have two elderly cats and at this point, we're just waiting for them to die. My 3yo son has never been a cat person and is newly phobic about cat puke (which, guess what! happens a lot in our house). On the other hand, my almost 1yo daughter, on the other hand, loves animals so much that she basically can't fall asleep if the cats are in the room b/c she's so excited about them. It's cute, and it almost makes up for the ruined upholstery, shedding, cat puke, and peeing on the bed. Almost.

[Heather/Cobblestone]

Eh. I don't know.

I know that small pets are vaguely in danger with kids until the kids are old enough to be excited and love'm up without loving them to actual death (which is 4 or 7, I can't remember which).

I remember seeing a very interesting article about choosing a dog based on the kids temperment (running kids = running dog, cuddle kids = cuddle dog) so that there is a chore that is suited for the child to do, but a 2 year old isn't really helping out indepently yet.

If you and your partner want a dog, then maybe, but my gut is wait a couple of years.

Spoken as mom with 2x12 year old dogs, 2x 9 year old cats, and a 2 year old. I have too many bodies that need tending (even though ShortStack can let the dogs in/out and get their kibble sometimes), and a dog and cat that still haven't gotten over the heartbreak of being usurped.

[notforme]

Ack. The idea of caring for one more living thing 24/7 is giving me hives. I seriously think it would push me over the edge that I am currently teetering on.

[lisa]

Just got a 9 wk siamese mix itten 2 days ago. Our daughter is 4.5, an only child and just made a move with no close-by friends. So far, pretty good. Got great recommendations on what to read, to increase bonding, to prevent naughty kitties, to understand cat body language. This morning When K was playing with the kitten who was obviously desperate to sleep, I told her several times that the kitty was trying to get away to sleep, then Kitty scratched K. K was very angry at everyone. Kitty ended up in the bathroom for a timeout (with pillow, litter, toys and lights on. K came around 30 minutes later having learned a bit of Kitten body language. Mommy and daddy love the kitten. Daddy plays endlessly with her to tire her out, then we put her in bed with DD until we go to bed. Then we take her out so she won't wake DD at 5 am.

So far DD is learning: she is not the center of the universe (sharing our attention), sensitivity to body language, responsibility (she feeds and helps with litter), sharing (she DOES NOT want to give the kitten the toys she bought for her), anatomy and physiology : )

Hope we made the right choice, DD was lonely, and had always been very gentle and happy with all animals. It did take us a year to commit to the idea, esp because we travel ALOT.

Good luck with your decision. (PS it is expensive!)

[Charisse]

No pets here, mainly because my favorite kind of pet is a big dog and we don't have the outdoor space or the ability to bring a dog to work right now. A cat would suit our lifestyle better but Mr. C is mildly allergic and my dad is so allergic that it would mean granddad could never step foot in our house again. So that's out. So I kind of occasionally contemplate the idea of a house rabbit, or just look forward to a nice big dog sometime down the road. Luckily Mouse isn't begging too much.

[Susan]

NO. Wait until your child is older an can actually help. It's really a lot of work, both practically and emotionally. We had two dogs and two dogs long before DS was born. Now I am dealing with my 2.75 year old son, two elderly dogs (thinking euthanasia decisions, etc.) complete with a lot of expensive medicines, my stressful full time job, etc. etc. Their hair seriously also adds a lot of housework.

[Sharon]

Only you can answer this of course. But, the fact that it seems the reason to get one is "My son is 2 and goes crazy when he sees a dog or a cat when we're out walking." doesn't seem like enough reason. Do you like pets? Do you want one? He loves pets today at 2, but he's 2. Kids are fickle. He could be neutral or dislike them in a week. You need to think about whether you and the rest of the household are ready for a pet at this point.

[pennifer]

If you DO get a pet, PLEASE take my advice and adopt an ADULT PET from a rescue (breed-specific or mutt). By getting an adult, you will know in advance what that dog's personality is AND you won't have to survive puppyhood.

Pluses: your child (should) learn how to interact (pet, approach, feed, etc.) appropriately with pets, would gain (appropriate) confidence and not fear pets, great way of learning empathy for others, can be lots of fun for the right kid/pet combination.

Minuses: if YOU personally aren't ready for MORE things on your daily to-do list and more $$$ out the door, then don't do it. I would say that on a *minimum* day, our standard poodle and two cats add 30-45 minutes of chores/attention. On a maximum day (ideal dog-walking scenarios, vet runs, supplies shopping), you can add hours.

Budgeting: (special?) food, flea/tick protection, heartworm meds (for dogs), leash/collar(s), treats, toys, pet-sitting ($20/walk, $40/day sitting), vet bills/immunizations, chronic meds, grooming costs, litterbox supplies.

I think that even if your kid is older and promises to help, you should reconcile yourself to the possibility of doing it anyway.

I am a huge animal person (I have a horse too) and NEVER thought I would be one of "those" people for whom animals became purely secondary (and frankly a hassle at times) after the birth of my son. I was sooooo wrong. I love my pets, but a lot of days, they are a lot of drudgery when I'm just exhausted.

I'm not opposed to the idea at all, but you should really examine the full impact of having a pet, in terms of YOU, YOUR FAMILY, and THE PET. Especially for dogs - if you can't spare the time to properly exercise and train and interact with a dog, it won't have a happy ending for anyone. Cats too, but less of a problem unless they are the angry-peeing type.

[HappyMama]

I'm wondering if Karen is considering having anymore children. If so, the added responsiblity of owning a pet might be too much once a new baby arrives. Especially if the new pet is a cat because she won't be able to clean out the litter box while she is pregnant.

We have a cat, and although I love her dearly I wish I didn't have her! Our DS loves her and is constantly pulling at her and hitting her with toys which creates a lot of added work for me as I'm constantly having to supervise or separate them (he's only 9 months and doesn't understand 'gentle'). And the hair is everywhere. I have to sweep/vacuum everyday as DS is crawling and ends up with fistfulls of hair.

I agree with the other comments, maybe wait until your son is old enough to care for the pet on his own!

[Diane D]

Get a pet if YOU want a pet. If your husband wants a pet. If you will enjoy having a dog or cat in your lives. If you want a snuggly dog or cat so much that you're willing to put up with the trouble they cause-- tracking in dirt/hair, needing to go out at inconvenient times, requiring trips to the vet, heartworm pills, flea treatment (there is no such thing as a free pet, believe me, even if it's a stray you find for "free"). Only get a dog if you're willing (and eager!) to train it to be a GOOD, well-behaved, obedient dog. If you have the time and resources to learn how to be the alpha in your house so your dog doesn't become obnoxious to everyone.

Pets are a lot of work. And a lot of annoyance. It's beyond worth it if you love the pet like a member of the family. If you don't....then it's not.

If you do decide to get a pet, stick with your decision. My parents bought a beagle when I was 7 or 8. After a few months, they realized it was a poor fit and they gave the dog away. It was TRAUMATIC for me. Do not do that.

We have a dog and a cat. I love having them, despite the fact that my cat has spent the last week puking up hairballs (disgusting) and I can't keep my floors clean thanks to the dog tracking in dirt and hair (thank goodness we have wood floors) and if we want to leave for the weekend we have to consider what we'll do with the animals-- we can't just pick up and go.

They're a big commitment. Make sure you get one for the right reasons.

[SarcastiCarrie]

If you want a pet, I might be willing to give you mine. :)

[MrsHaley]

Don't do it. Not yet. I think growing up with a pet is really valuable, but not at age 2. Get a dog when he can help you care for it -- age 8 or 10? Then the dog will live long enough for your kid(s) to really get to know it in a conscious way.

Plus, any pet is a big $$ outlay initially and then who knows when you'll have a vet emergency or whatever. Plus the DIRT (we have one cat and our house would be SO MUCH CLEANER without him) and the DESTRUCTION (claws! teeth! hair!) are infinitely aggravating.

Keep your life simple right now. Don't do it yet.

[Stacy]

Wow, lots of comments and I don't have time to read them now. So I'm sorry if I repeat something.

I LOVE my two cats, who we had before my son was born, but my advice is to hold off on introducing a pet to your lives for now. Of course I'm saying this not knowing anything about your life other than you have a 2 year old. I do think kids should grow up with pets, but you will be adding a lot of unnecessary chaos and expense to your life if you get one now. Isn't a two year old enough work?

I'd wait until the child is older, maybe 4 or 5, and potty trained. I can't imagine potty training a child and house training a pet at the same time. I'd also wait until there is no likely chance a new baby will be in the picture soon because then the pet will be the last to get needed attention.

If you absolutely feel you must get a pet now, please go to a reputable shelter and let them help you match a cat or dog to your family and lifestyle. Ideally not a puppy or kitten that needs tons of attention, and hopefully an animal that is safe and happy around young children. There are way too many pets surrendered because owners don't know what they are getting themselves into.

If the only reason you are thinking about getting a pet is because your son seems to like animals, maybe you could "befriend" someone with a pet and have "pet play dates" for a while and then think about adopting one when your son is a little older.

[Raia]

Do not get a pet for a 2 yo b/c you will do all the work and the 2 yo will only care about the pet intermittently. Get a pet if you and/or your partner wants a pet. Make sure you know all the ramifications of owning a pet. We had a dog when DS came home and it was great, as DS learned how to be gentle with babies from our dog and loves dogs now. Unfortunately, our dog died, but we will get another dog when we move. However, we would do that anyway because the adults in the house want a dog.

If it's just the 2 yo wanting a dog, then find a neighbor with a dog who will enjoy your DS petting him; maybe you guys can even do some dog walking for an elderly or working neighbor.

[laura]

Absolutely NOT a dog with a 2 year old. Assimilating a new dog into your family takes the time investment, patience, and consistency of raising a 2 year old. Would you like to have twins right now? Think on that.

My husband wrote some very wise words appended to this post of mine.

I have LOVED our two dogs (the Boxer just died last April, and the Great Dane is getting quite old), but I will be SOOOO relieved when we are "done" with dogs for a while. :)

(http://heylaurawhat.com/blog/comments/can_kids_and_dogs_coexist_peaceably)

[Irene]

We have cats (4 of them) and there are absolutely pros and cons. We love them, but there are days when the litterbox and the mountains of fur that they shed and the midnight shenanigans and hairballs make it seem Not Worth It. We've basically decided that when our cats die, we will be pet-free for a while. We've never had a dog, but from what I understand, a new puppy is a lot like a new baby - sleep deprivation and cleaning up messes are suddenly a major part of your life for a while.

[akeeyu]

NO.

Do not get a pet right now, unless it's a goldfish. If you're caring for a goldfish properly, there's a surprising amount of work and money involved, but it's chump change compared to a cat or a dog.

Revisit the issue when your son is older. He'll enjoy it more, you'll enjoy it more, and the pet will certainly enjoy it more, too.

[Emily]

I have two kittens looking for good homes, if she really wants a pet. :)

In all seriousness, I think pets are wonderful, but only if the whole family is committed. It makes me really sad to see pets abandoned after a year when the fun wears off.

[Kara]

If you aren't the kind of person that keeps pets for yourself, then don't get a pet while your little one is too young to help with it. Maybe visit the animal shelter and help them socialize the animals there instead. All of our local shelters encourage visitors and will let you walk the dogs, pet the cats etc.

If, on the other hand, you just haven't gotten a new pet after losing a previous one because you were waiting till the baby was bigger, then go ahead. Two is probably old enough to understand how to behave with a pet and not get scratched or nipped too much.

There's no way I would have gotten a puppy or kitten while my oldest was that little, though. Too much work for me! But our older cats and Granny's adult dog were fine and a good experience for her.

[mo]

Wait... if your son LOVES dogs, find ways for him to see other dogs and touch/play with them. Then get a dog when he is 5 or 6. I think there are responsibility issues and also safety issues.

[Heather]

I would suggest waiting a few years, until your son is really old enough to really want, and ask for a dog or cat. If he keeps asking for a few years, and understands the responsibility it entails, get a pet then. Having a pet is something so many kids wish for, and if they are old enough to remember wishing for it and having it fulfilled, I think that makes it really special and something they will always remember.

[Sheila]

When I was in my early 20s and my husband and I had just gotten married, I took on, over the course of a few months, five rabbits. They were mostly abandoned, and I couldn't help myself. I learned quickly that rabbits are fragile medically, and despite the fact that they can potentially live for more than 10 years I had one die on me every two years for a decade. I was constantly stressed out about which one would be next. By the time I had the final one put down a year and some change ago, I had a preschooler and a baby and I just did not have it in me to deal with sick or decrepit animals anymore. As sad as I was to say goodbye, I felt so utterly liberated.

I am utterly worn out from losing so many pets and don't think I'll have the emotional capital to take on any more for a long time. As much as mommy loves animals, mommy's just much happier without pets for now. I fully encourage my kids to appreciate animals, but for the forseeable future it will only be other people's animals.

[Shandra]

I say not at two, but you could find ways for him to enjoy pets at other people's houses.

Two is just not a good time to introduce a pet - the impulse control isn't there, even at three for most kids, and refereeing isn't fun. The pet will remember who yanked its tail.

I'm not anti-pet. We have three cats, down from three cats, a dog, and 3 fishtanks. I have to agree they are messy and work, but I don't really mind all that - I think HGTV/catalogue living is ruining the good things in life to some extent. But it's definitely not something to enter to without really wanting to.

[Cloud]

As the others have said, only you can decide what is right for your family.

But a pet is a huge time commitment. Some weeks, we struggle to do right by our plants... so we won't be adding any pets anytime soon. Besides, I'm incredibly allergic to cats (to the point that when I used to have to apartment hunt, I could tell within minutes of stepping into an apartment if a cat lived there- I unwittingly "outed" a few tenants breaking the rules that way). So we'd have to have a dog, and I have zero desire to be responsible for a dog right now.

[libbyllama]

Lots of pros and cons to consider, but I definitely agree with pennifer to get an older pet (not old, just older) and not a puppy (so, so much work!). Especially from a rescue group. If the pet has been fostered at a home than they will know a great deal more about the pet and know if it is a good fit for a home with a small child.

If you're thinking of getting a dog, consider how you picture the pet fitting into your life (travelling with you or no, how much time walking the dog or taking them to a park or do you have room for them to roam, etc.)

And yes, pets can be really expensive. At any time, but especially as they get older. Always worth it-they're family, of course!! But still. Expensive.

Good luck!

[Kristina]

I've never posted before, but read the comments here every day. This is the first time I thought I might have something to add.

My son is 2 and has known our West Highland Terrier since he was born. I would never give up my dog as he was an adopted rescue and we believe in forever homes. However, it is seriously hard with the two of them right now.

Up until this point, life was good. My son respected the dog and Luke felt the same way about my son. Now that my son is 26 months, he seems to have awakened to the fact that Luke is the best playmate ever and is constantly kicking, poking and otherwise not "playing nice" as we would like.

We knew this was coming. We thought we would be ok with the constant reprimands and time outs. We thought we could teach him to be nice with the dog and touch gentle. But the thing is...he just doesn't get it yet. He sees the dog as this awesome thing to play with and kicking is playing. Westies don't see it that way and sometimes nip when provoked. So, the gates go up unless under constant supervision.

The advice here has been great. Dogs are wonderful for kids. I would not have done things differently in our case since we already had our pooch. However, if given the choice I would recommend waiting until your child can really comprehend "hurting" something. It is not fair to the dog. It is also not fun having to put up a gate when the pooch really just wants to hang with everyone.

Of course, it is just completely adorable to see my son's face light up with joy as he throws the ball and Luke brings it back. Such pure love between them both.

This too shall pass and then I will be worried about something else...

[Wilhelmina]

In a previous child-less life before the miracle that was DD occurred I volunteered a lot at the local animal shelter. I also ran a de-facto nursing home for elderly cats in my house.

Ahem, I also had rabbits in the garden, and hamsters and gerbils at one stage. The staff would say they'd have to put them down and well, sentimentality won out.

Then finances did and I had four cats, old ones, for over eight years as a settled "family".

I loved, loved the cats and there were several that are dearer to me still in memory than any of my relations. The folk wisdom that " those who early loved in vain, use the cat to try again" was very true in my case.

Wearing my volunteer hat I can say that the most common reason for cats to come into care was that they didn't get along with the small child(ren) that came along. Or the kids got asthma, or they couldn't afford the vet bills. Or kitty lost litter-training after baby came.

The bills for my cats chronic conditions and dramas like urinary blockages and a hiatal hernia that needed a specialist after years of trying to get the vet to do something cost thousands and thousands.

That's extreme. Most people will have many problem free years with their cat or dog before the old age and expensive failing organs set in. But veterinary care mirrors human care and more and more can be done for older and more fragile pets.

I couldn't spend the money or time I did then now. As it happens my cats died of extreme old age before I got pregnant, just.

One great thing of the feline elder-care facility was that looking after the baby was actually easier. That's not a joke.

Litter trays and accidents, administering pills and potions to clawed and fanged patients, the routine of the special diets, the need to stability all were a training ground. I'd do it all again for the feline friends I had.

But if Karen really, really wants a pet that she will look after 100% of the time, if she is ready for the considerable expense that comes with the pet, if she can see herself loving the pet for twenty or more years even if the pet doesn't get on with her child while doing all the chores herself then yes,look around for an animal friend.

It really is wonderful to grow up with a nice cat or dog pal. But it's unrealistic to expect any child to look after a living animal until at least age 8. No youngster has the pocket money for vet bills for kidney failure. Pets are for adults to care for and be responsible for. Pets are not toys.

So if Karen didn't want a pet until her toddler became interested I'd advise to keep admiring others' pets.

[Rob Drimmie]

I think parents should only get a pet if they want to have a pet. Pets and kids can live together quite happily, but "doing it for the kids" is wrong for many things.

[TodayWendy]

My daughter has always loved dogs, even though we don't have one (my in-laws do). There's a local park where lots of people come on the weekend and let their dogs run around off-leash. This is generally a wonderful place to let little kids interact with dogs - the owners tend to very aware and alert, and the sorts of dogs who get brought to off-leash areas are very sociable. Obviously you need to stay near the edges of the area, and only approach a dog whose owner is right next to it, but we've had a lot of fun. The owners are usually there to socialize, want to talk about their dogs, and are interested in having their dogs interact with children.

[Joanne]

The way the question is asked causes me to pause on suggesting a family get a pet. "Should get a pet," is the wrong way to think of it. We have a little dog whom we all love and she is not very difficult to care for. She only adds to our family. She is my constant companion when things get rough with my life. When my son was a newborn he would cry in the car so I would take my dog with me to keep me calm and it worked. Having said that pets need love and if the whole family is not on board 100% it is not good for the animal. We have a dog because I want a dog not because it's good for the baby. I am so saddened when I see families get a pet and neglect it because the pet has become too much trouble to care for. I also think a big mistake is to get a puppy or a kitten! If you want an easy pet, get an adult one. They are usually trained and don't require as much work. When I got my dog, she was already potty trained, leash trained and knew some commands. It's easy to find out if the pet you are adopting will integrate with your family. I picked Roxie because she allowed me to roll her over on her tummy easily which means that she is submissive and allowed me to tug (gently) on her ears and tail. I wanted to make sure she would not snap at me. Usually the people at the pound can help you pick out a pet that would be easy once you tell them what your family is looking for.

Don't get a pet unless you think you would really love to have a pet and care for one because in the end, most of the responsiblity will be on you.

[birdie]

Ok, I grew up in a house with pets and to me, a house is not a home with out some little furries.

But, a word to the wise: DO NOT GET A PUPPY WHILE YOU HAVE A TWO-YEAR OLD. We made that mistake last year afte our 11 year old german shepherd died. We then went through about 9 months of absolute hell corralling the two of them, dealing with typical 2 year old stuff AND typical puppy stuff.

If we had it to do over, we would still get another dog, but go to a shelter and pick a nice older (read 2 years+) dog who is potty trained, gentle and needs a home. We do think its important for our son to have a relationship with animals but a puppy was too. much.

We love our puppy now (she's 1) but its been a hard, stressful time for all of us.

[Angie]

Ummm... no. If your 2 year old is anything like my 2 year old, their likes and dislikes are fleeting and flighty. Do you really want to make a fifteen+ year commitment based on the whims of a 2 year old?
Pets can add a lot to a family, but they are a huge responsibility. They do require one-on-one time daily (especially if you get a dog), they can be expensive, they can be messy, and they can complicate your life a lot. We have a dog and a cat and while we love and adore them, they certainly add complexity.
DON'T do it unless you are CERTAIN.

[Barb @ getupandplay]

I vote not right now. I think pets are really, really fun when kids are a little bit older and can help take care of them. For now, just have "playdates" with some pet people or take trips to the pet store!

[Linda]

Don't get a pet unless YOU want one. I love love love our 2 cats and 1 dog - they are solidly part of our family - but they are MY responsibility and I am fine with that. I got them for ME. Getting a pet for my kid would make me resentful - pets are a ton of work.

I will say that cats are a bit less work in that you don't have to board them when you go out of town and they don't need to be walked. I will NEVER get another puppy. Potty training and just generally training a dog to be a pleasant dog to have around is a PIA. I would rescue an adult dog after a thorough interview with the foster family and a trial run.

[Creatingbalance]

I'm an animal person and couldn't imagine a life without my pets. I've pretty much always had somebody around cats have come and gone and some pretty fabulous dogs live with us. We did get them as puppies and I have done shelter in the past but my thinking was that I could help shape them to be child friendly. So we did a ton of socialization, I did a lot of training around the food bowl so much that my son can take food away from them and they don't so much as whine about it. That said we got lucky and its sort of a gamble so I can see the point of getting an older dog you can judge their disposition. Long story short in my opinion I'd wait till your child is a little older and/or your done having children. There is a lot of work and a lot of reward to owning these sweet additions to our lives but there is a lot of poop, pee and chewed shoes(countless) and they like the real leather ones.... I did all that before we got pregnant and couldn't imagine doing it with my almost 2 year old. I'd find some nice neighborhood dogs to visit and do some zoo visits for a while.

[Emily]

I agree with the sentiment that all children should be exposed to pets. My son loves cats and dogs and knows how to be gentle with them (thanks mostly to our two unenthusiastic cats who lash out when he's not careful). My bro- and sis-in-law "aren't animal people" and it's frankly kind of sad to see how this has translated into their kids being scared of/repulsed by friendly neighborhood dogs, etc.

However *just this morning* one cat (the yowler) woke up my toddler at 5:06 a.m. and when we stumbled into the living room we discovered the other cat (the scratcher) had somehow managed to get his claws into the new, not-cheap, allegedly "scratch-proof" sofa.

And so I also agree with Moxie that it's the cats more often than anything else that push me dangerously close to the edge of sanity.

[CrazyMama]

Should OP get a dog/cat/something else furry? I have no idea. We have a lab and our kids ages 3 and 19 months love the dog and I think the dog mostly loves them.

The downside is our dog barks at passing cars, ups man, neighbors, etc and usually during nap times. And she sheds and thinks we, the humans, are here solely to entertain and play with her.

On the upside she is a awesome watch guard with a mean bark. She is the first to know when someone is here. She forces us to exercise most days and the house is SO lonely if she isn't here.

[Anonymous 2000]

Not now. Wait. Wait until hrs at least 5 or 6 and can do more to help.
I have a 3yo and a 1yo. Our last cat just had to he put down in March. It was incredibly difficult and hard for me and DH. However, now that we are petless? OMG our lives are easier. No worrying about feeding changing the litter or feeling guilty if we don't pay enough attention to him.
I understand where you are coming from and others who say that you should get a pet. I think a pet should be a part of growing up. Just not this young.

[Kate]

I have to do this. I apologize if it's inappropriate (please delete if you need to - no offense), but this thread reminds me of an old joke...

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi were asked when life begins.

Priest: "Life begins at conception."
Minister: "Life begins at birth."
Rabbi: "Life begins when the kids go to college and the dog dies."

[Jessica]

I feel really bad for my cats because they don't get very much attention now that we have the baby. Unless you want the pet for yourself and have time to spend with it, don't do it.