Positive pregnancy and birth stories

I almost don't know what to do with myself now that the big summer NurtureShock discussion is over. I've got something cooking for after US Labor Day, though, involving a special guest, so stay tuned. It's going in a completely different direction, and should be more fun than it is challenging for the upcoming Busy Season.

Anon writes:

"I am newly pregnant--9 weeks--and am not in a good place. I realized I only know one person who had babies easily. Everyone else close to me has had miscarriages or seriously traumatic births that endangered their lives or the lives of their babies. I am just so worried that something will happen to my baby or to me.

I know this doesn't make sense. Obviously humans wouldn't be here if pregnancy didn't work most of the time. But I just don't know enough people who didn't have truly hellish experiences to be able to talk away my fear. Help."

I think that a certain amount of worry is the job of pregnancy. Worry that prevents us from engaging in risky behavior (and by that I mean skydiving or drinking heavily, not eating soft cheese) is good, and worry helps us pay attention to our bodies and learn to trust our instincts, which is a necessary skill for parenthood. So a manageable amount of worry is normal and good during pregnancy.

But this sounds like too much. Like it's taking you over and putting you into that endless loop of anxiety. In addition to making your next 31 weeks horrible, this amount of worry doesn't serve any purpose. You'll be exhausted by the end for no reason.

If something horrible is going to happen, your worrying will not prevent it. And letting go of the worry will not cause it. Sometimes bad things happen. But good things happen more often.

Readers, can we flood Anon with positive pregnancy and birth stories? Maybe if she reads enough she can use those to push out the overwhelming negative in her thoughts. I know a lot of us have good stories. It would be especially helpful to have stories of healthy pregnancies after miscarriage or infertility, or birth stories that ended in health even if things didn't go as planned.

I'll start:

#1: Depressed, sick, cranky, and bloated the whole pregnancy. Induced with castor oil (NOT RECOMMENDED), long painful labor, baby came out fine!

#2: Depressed, sick, and cranky (but not bloated) the whole pregnancy. Went into labor on my own, long annoying labor, baby came out fine, a full pound smaller than his brother!

Now you go, please.

Comments

[Jessica]

I was severely depressed with the hormonal cocktail of my first trimester with twins. But, the depression cleared up by the second trimester and I was able to have a healthy, full-term pregnancy and vaginal birth! Don't underestimate the hormonal surges in your body and how they can effect your mental health.

[Heather/Cobblestone]

ShortStack - DEPRESSED, physically easy, scheduled C, his birth cleared the depression in about 12 hours. He's a cool kid.

[Anon]

I was under the influence of hypnosis. I highly recommend it! I used the book Hypnobirth, and I had one session with a hypnotist and listened to a CD from her every night before bed. I had a fantastic birth! It was pretty short since I was able to labor for a long time at home-- even in class-- without feeling much at all. I did all the usual "fun stuff", puking, moaning, etc.. But, I wasn't stressed, and I was convinced that I was having a fantastic time. It's so funny to think back on it! It was not at all glamorous, but throughout the whole thing I just kept thinking about how great it was. I am usually a pretty anxious and stressed out lady, so this was clearly the influence of hypnosis. Also, I was not a true believer before it happened, but now I know that hypnosis is the way for me to go!

[Kate]

Although I was pretty nauseated for the first twenty weeks of my first pregnancy, the back half went quite well. Other than some hip cramps, I was pretty comfortable, even at the 41w2d point. My midwife insisted we schedule an inducation for the 42 week point, but the evening of that appointment I went into labor on my own. The whole labor and delivery lasted about 12 hours. My husband was awesome; my doula was awesome; and my midwife was awesome. I got the natural birth that I wanted, and, although it WAS hard, and it DID hurt, it was a great birth and a great experience. There was no point during that labor and delivery that I questioned my desire to go through it without drugs.

Just for balance, I must admit that my second labor and delivery were rougher. Bigger, posterior baby; labor stalled, but artificial rupture of membranes was all that was needed to get it going again. (I might have chosen an epidural for this one, if I had known ahead of time, but it was so close to the end before I wanted it that I assumed it wasn't an option and powered through.)

In both cases, I was very happy with my expierence, felt so well taken care at all times by my husband, my doula, my midwife, and the nurses. Both babies were healthy and learned to nurse quickly.

I personally don't talk about my great birth experiences so much, because I don't want to "rub it in the face" of someone who didn't have such a good experience.

I did my part up front by educating myself and ensuring I was surround by great support. After that it pretty much comes down to luck, and I was lucky.

[Therese]

#1: normal, healthy, downright boring -- only excitement is when I went into labor and my husband was out of town. He almost missed the birth, but thankfully didn't.
#2: just found out I'm pregnant (about 6 weeks along) and so far, feel exactly the way I did last time (tired, get nauseous when I'm hungry) -- hoping for another normal and boring 9 months.

Congratulations and good luck to you! I hope you are able to find more stories of "normal" pregnancies that bring you comfort and joy during this exciting time.

[Stacy]

Here’s my pregnancy story from 4 and a half years ago. I had a fair amount of minor complications but they all worked themselves out one way or another.

13 week heart beat check (the first one) -- heart beat not found, but I was still feeling pregnancy symptoms. Sent right over for ultrasound and saw a bouncing, back-flipping "creature" in there and it was the most hilarious, amazing thing I had ever seen.

Partial placenta previa (sp?) diagnosed during second trimester. Put on "pelvic rest" and told not to have intercourse during um, horny period of pregnancy. Placenta previa corrected itself by third trimester.

Diagnosed with gestational diabetes during third trimester. Came out of nowhere as I had zero risk factors. Was totally bummed out that I couldn't pig out and had to prick my own finger several times per day to test blood glucose. Everything was controlled with my very limited diet and the bonus was that I gained very little weight during pregnancy and lost it really quickly after birth.

Because of diabetes, I was induced at 39 weeks because they thought the baby would be very large (I am quite petite). Induction didn’t work. I was in hard labor (with an epidural), but I never dilated past one centimeter. Had to have a C-section (non-emergency). I wasn’t too bothered by this as I kind of had a feeling in the back of my mind that I’d end up having a C-section. Baby boy was absolutely perfect and beautiful. And the bonus for me for having a C-section was that I got to stay in the hospital longer and got a lot more help with breastfeeding than I would have, otherwise. I couldn’t have imagined being sent home only 48 hours after birth.

[KatieV]

All 3 of my pregnancies resulted in a healthy, happy child. I enjoyed being pregnant for the most part and had not-too-difficult labors. :)

[Susan]

After a textbook pregnancy, my water broke at 36 weeks. I had a fast and furious labor and baby arrived 6 hours later.

I'd hoped to try an unmedicated labor, but the speed of things was too much. I got an epidural, and it was great. No problems. No side effects. Started breastfeeding right away. Baby boy is now 15 months and the joy of my life.

I wish, now, that I'd spent my pregnancy reading books about how to deal with a toddler instead of "What to Expect." I certainly don't have time to do that with a toddler in my house!

Good luck to you and your growing family.

[HMS]

#1- Morning sickness, gone by 13wks. 2nd trimester felt fabulous. 3rd trimester tired but happy. Mild anxiety (but totally normal) about impending labor and parenthood. Water broke, didn't go into labor on my own, induced after 36hrs. Had small amount of morphine and relaxant so that I could rest (didn't want to end up so exhausted they would c-section and hadn't slept since water broke), delivery with no complications. Healthy me, healthy baby.

#2- Unexpected pregnancy so more depression and anxiety but not overwhelming. More tired because I was chasing a toddler too. Wonderful midwifery care who allowed me to skip most of the invasive and fear inducing tests etc. Fairly easy pregnancy. Went into labor on my own, gave birth after blissful labor in giant tub at the midwifery birth center. Would never give birth in a hospital again unless there were complications.

[M]

Dear Anon,
I also suffered from some intense anxiety while pregnant. My anxiety was traceable to previous miscarriages, but since I was diagnosed with a problem and treated with medication throughout my successful pregnancy, my fears--which pretty much paralyzed me--were mostly irrational.

My Mom suggested that I try acupuncture as a way to deal with my anxiety, and--even though I was very skeptical of its efficacy--it really, really helped me to relax. Perhaps it was simply the enforced opportunity to meditate for twenty minutes a week? If you're able to do so, I highly recommend trying it out for yourself.

Aside from my fears and anxiety (and a bit of a rage problem in the second trimester), my pregnancy was fine (although riddled with those intense hormonal surges described by Jessica). It ended with a labor and delivery that really and truly weren't even close to as painful or traumatic as I had feared (despite the length of labor and a lack of drugs). I know I'm lucky, but I also know a lot of women who have had similar experiences.
-----------------
PS: I just started visiting this site, and I want to thank Moxie--and all her commenters--for providing such a helpful and nonjudgmental forum

[Stephanie]

I was fortunate to have an easy, healthy pregnancy - but was too paranoid to appreciate it! I took pregnancy anxiety out a whole new door. I diagnosed myself with every rare condition, with the help of What to Expect When You're Expecting (The only thing you can expect from that book is a nervous breakdown). Towards the end of the pregnancy, I had a slightly elevated blood pressure reading - which is totally normal - and I ran out to buy a home blood pressure machine and took readings 3 times a day. Yes, that was COMPLETELY insane.

I had a very good natural labour, but the whole pushing stage wasn't working out, so it was C-section. I was fine, baby was fine.

Everything was fine.

I really believed that worrying was going to buy me something. Maybe I'd see a red flag, maybe I'd catch something in time. But, it bought me nothing except a ton of anxiety. Oh, and a $200 blood pressure machine.

[Amanda]

#1 - easy pregnancy, morning sickness for all of 4 days (week 6), had uncomplicated unmedicated vaginal birth (used waterbirth tub, but ended up on the bed for the final pushes).

#2 - early miscarriage (8 weeks)

#3 - easy pregnancy, morning sickness for 4 weeks (managable with hard candies), fast uncomplicated unmedicated waterbirth - felt GREAT immediately after giving birth, went home from hospital early.

Everyone loves to tell scary stories about pregnancy and childbirth. The #1 most important thing you can do is find a good provider you trust that is experienced in the kind of birth you want. Then you can just trust their advice/judgement.

I LOVE my CNM practice and wouldn't have it any other way.

[Karissa - Mom Blog Work]

It's actually difficult to find positive birth stories in this day and age. I suggest stepping a little outside the mainstream birth realm and checking out publications like Mothering Magazine. (They have a website too and great forums!) It seriously opened up a whole world of pregnancy, birth and motherhood that I didn't really realize existed or were an option to me.

Like the others said, don't underestimate the hormones and changes your body is going through. You will likely be turning a corner soon.

Oh, and remember to take each day at a time. You don't have to have this baby tomorrow, you just need to get through today so try to eat healthy, get some sleep and fresh air. And once the baby is born, you don't have to raise it on the first day - you just have to snuggle it and love it.

You CAN do this! :) Birth can be incredibly empowering if you believe in yourself and your body.

[ML]

#1: Anxious and depressed at first, resigned and then happily anticipating at the end. Induced because of low fluid the day before the due date, long-ish painful labor (+/- 12 hours, but only a few hours were painful) but managed to avoid C-section, despite 3h of pushing. Healthy baby boy, average weight, good apgar score. Felt like I was hit by a mack truck afterwards, but coasted on love hormones and light anxiety of being a first-time parent.

#2: Anxious and depressed at start (theme?), resigned and prepared at the end. Induced because of low fluid 1 week plus one day short of due date (luckily, my brother-in-law and his family were available on short notice and drove 1.5h with their 2 kids to watch #1). #2 was born on my birthday, despite all my efforts to avoid it (I always hope for more special days during the year, not fewer). Again, no C-section, way less pushing--I felt she practically shot out. Healthy baby girl, average weight, good apgar scores. Felt like I was hit by a truck but felt happier and more energetic than with #1. (It helped that #2 was a way better napper.)

At the end, I think that delivery/labor part was the easiest (at least you know that it won't last forever as opposed to oppositional behavior, which appears and reappears in different guises for the next oh, 21+ years). I'm totally with Susan in saying that dealing with a baby and a toddler day-to-day takes more skills for you that you can start preparing for whereas labor, when you look at the 18+ years of raising a person, is nothing in comparison.

Good luck!

At the end,

[Linda]

After a long struggle with infertility, I got pregnant on our first IVF cycle - TWINS! Talk about worrying, amirite? But everything was totally fine. I mean, I was big and uncomfortable, but there were TWO babies in me! And they moved and got hiccups and high fived us. It was awesome.

At 35 weeks, on a Friday, my OB found me to be 5 cm dilated (surprise!) and told me to meet her in the delivery unit the coming Monday. I did, she broke my water, and 8 hrs later I had 2 beautiful little girls. They were both around 6 lbs and came home with me - no NICU time!

My third daughter was a totally unexpected and awesome surprise. Just thinking about discovering her existence makes me grin. I had a great pregnancy with her even though she was due in the heat of September. Two days before her due date we had dinner with friends and later I thought, "Hmmm. Those contractions feel different." We took a picture, I took a shower, and we tried to go to bed. We gave up around midnight and called my in-laws. By the time they got there and we got to the hospital it was 2 am. She was born at 2:30 - it was 4 hrs from my first "Hmmm . . ." to my beautiful girl. Her birth was AWESOME and I wr0te the whole story here:

http://indigogirl.typepad.com/linda/birthstory/

My twins birthstory is after hers.

Like Moxie said, worry is totally normal. I worried, too. BUT I tried to keep in mind the logical fact that statistically, everything would probably be fine. Most people have normal, boring pregnancies and births and the unusual/tragic ones stick in our head, not the "Oh, it's another easy delivery/healthy baby!" ones.

[ML]

And oh yes, I totally recommend Hypnobirthing, if just to help your present anxiety and perhaps manage labor.

[carolyn]

Standard first and second trimesters (meaning: I slept my entire first trim. and ate during my entire second trim). Diagnosed with gestational diabetes, which I managed with diet and exercise -- not so bad when insulin is the other option.

Slight complications late in the third trimester: early and regular contractions kept me on bedrest for three weeks. Once I hit 37 weeks, I was off rest and baby came two days later.

L&D was not what I had hoped/imagined (which was, I don't know, candles and incense, I guess). I had pitocin and constant monitoring, my water was broken for me, and I had an epidural. And you know what? Everything was fine. And I have a totally awesome almost-five-year-old daughter who rocks my world.

Things will be easy and things will be hard. Keep your eye on the end result and you'll be just fine.

[Jen]

#1: Finally got pregnant with clomid after 18+ cycles of trying. I had fairly bad morning sickness and a few other normal pregnancy complaints. Took Hypnobirthing and planned a birth center birth with a midwife. After a 16 hour unmedicated labor, our beautiful first daughter was born at the wonderful birth center.

#2: Clomid didn't work so we did IUI. Got pregnant and thought I had a miscarriage but didn't. Worse morning sickness and other normal pregnancy complaints, but this time I took Zofran and went to physical therapy and massage. Our second beautiful daughter was in a hurry and was a surprise homebirth on her due bate with only a couple of hours in labor.

Take the time to savor your pregnancy- even the annoying things- and then take the time to savor the baby- the middle of the night private moments go quickly and before you know it you might even miss them.

[Lynn]

My totally unplanned first pregnancy at age 37 (I was on the Pill, sigh) started out with a bang with terrifying spotting at 7 weeks. Then the 12-week ultrasound found some possible kidney issues and raised the chances of genetic problems with the baby, which was already a concern given my age and total lack of pre-conception preparation.

Well, the kidney anomalies cleared on later ultrasounds, and the rest of the pregnancy went fine with no health issues whatsoever for me or the little one. At 30 weeks I started studying Hypnobabies in the hopes of doing a drug-free birth. Fast forward to 40 weeks and 2 days. Went into labor at 4am, arrived at the hospital around 11am, "wimped out" and asked for an epidural at 4pm, and had a vaginal delivery of a healthy 9lb9oz boy at 9:15pm. I don't regret the epidural one bit; the birth was totally comfortable and drama free. My son was awake and alert and latched on just fine for his first feeding right after delivery. I actually feel kinda lame for not having a dramatic birth story to share when I talk to other moms. ;-)

[avigail]

I l-o-v-e-d being pregnant. That was the most tranquile time in my entire life! I felt like nothing mattered, not even pregnancy itself. Probably because i had my head spinning for about 5 months in a row. And i was dreading birth. As everyone does. Dealt with the worries by being on Epidural from when the show discharged (=very early stage of labour). Took 12 hours, but hey - I was in very little pain, which was the most important point for me. Can't remember first 3 months of my baby's life due to constant lack of sleep and severe anemia, but... but! he was born a healthy and happy and thriving boy, 1 day ahead of due date (23/12) and that's what matters, right? I ate sushi with raw fish throughout but didn't do much sports (being lightheaded). Don't worry! Nature is the cleverest mechanism! It will take care of both yourself and the baby. Good luck!

[Artemis]

I was anxious with the birth of my first child when I was 33 but it was nothing compared to my pregnancy with twins at age 37. In the four years in between I personally knew so many people who had suffered crises and tragedies with their pregnancies (losing babies at 7 months, downs syndrome, premature delivery, etc., etc.) and then the fact that I was having TWINS... I probably should have been treated given how extremely anxious I was.

I carried them to term (39 weeks) thank goodness but I was still so worried.

Then I had to have general anesthesia for the delivery (long story) and that devastated me (I found out just before I was about to go in the delivery room) and the recovery from that was HELL.

But... I now have two gorgeous healthy babies and I wish wish wish I hadn't been so anxious during my pregnancy though I know that there was nothing that could have alleviated all my fears at the time. I probably should have tried meditation or something though.

[Barb @ getupandplay]

I was a wreck the first 15 or 16 weeks of pregnancy emotionally. Maybe you will begin to feel better soon!

I had a very healthy pregnancy- I was morning sick for about 5 weeks (8 weeks-13 weeks pregnant) but then it went away (thankfully). I had no troubles the rest of the time. My baby was breech at 37 weeks so I went in to the hospital to have him turned in an external version. Really simple procedure that worked great! He turned around and I had a vaginal birth at 40 weeks. I labored at home for several hours then in the hospital tub. After about 8 hours I decided I wanted an epidural. Then my doc broke my water at 8 cm and an hour later I was pushing. I pushed for a while (2 hours) but it was fine and didn't seem that long at all. Charlie was born at 3:03 am and he was perfectly healthy, 8 lbs 14 oz.

You can do this! Most pregnancies and births are totally healthy.

[kt]

Moxie thanks for the invitation to share positive birth stories. In my experience everyone knows someone who had a traumatic/scary birth, and when you tell people you are pregnant, they start telling you about these scary stories.

Here are my stories-
#1- first 13 weeks felt crappy, tired, hormonal, and no appetite. Once second trimester came I had a really easy, straight forward pregnancy. My labor start to finish was 12 hours, and I only pushed for 45 minutes. The midwife broke my water at hour 9, and that's when things really started moving. I had a unmedicated, easy birth. Little one did have to go to NICU because there was meconium when the broke my water, but she was only there for observation, and was out in my arm in 5 hours.

#2- I'm 17 weeks pregnant and things are going pretty much the same. Again felt sick, couldn't eat much till week 14. Was super tired and going to bed right after the toddler did every night. Now I'm feeling pretty normal, actually forget I'm pregnant at times because I feel so good. I'm preparing for another unmedicated birth, but as with all things pregnancy there is so much out of our control. I try to do the best I can to take care of myself and this baby, and control the things I can control.

One side note about anxiety-- there is something about being pregnant that increases my "what if..." daydreams. Most recently I've been pulling myself back from worries of getting into a car accident. So, even when I tell myself to only focus on the worries that I can control, the whacky ones still creep in.

[Clare]

Baby 1: Uncomplicated pregnancy, unmedicated delivery of 8lb 11 oz boy on his due date

Early miscarriage (6ish weeks)

Baby 2: Uncomplicated pregnancy, unmedicated delivery of 9lb 14 oz boy 7 days after his due date.

I worried a lot more during the pregnancy with my second son, but it did get easier as I got farther along. He kicked like a horse constantly, so, while I was uncomfortable, I loved the reassurance that provided.

I had a Certified Nurse Midwife with my first son, and I HIGHLY recommend finding one in your area, if you can. To me, the midwife provided the safety net of modern medicine (the midwives were part of a larger OB practice) with hands-on holistic care that included my emotional health.

[ada]

I really liked being pregnant.

#1 mild morning sickness. Felt GREAT during second trimester. Third trimester, felt really really big, but happy to be really showing and not just looking fat. Labor was fast for a first baby - 12 hours and that is with an epidural. Felt great. Recovered fast.

#2 - pretty much the same, except I had migraines the first trimester with baby #2. And the siatica pain was worse. So I had massages every 2 weeks for 10 weeks. HEAVEN. Labor was FAST - 6 hours (again with a spinal...would have been about 4 without).

[Shandra]

My second baby I was convinced nothing would go right.

I did have some issues gaining weight but everything else went tickety-boo. Labour was quick but not too quick (5+ hrs start-finish) and it was an easy vaginal birth (3 pushes!) with a wonderful, healthy 6 lb 11 oz kid at the end of it. It is totally possible. I'm 15 weeks pregnant now and besides having thrown my back out myself due to idiocy, things are going really nicely.

I watched TLC's Baby Story or whatever repetitively, because I had had a really bad outcome with my first child and I found the repetitive (if highly medicalized) narrative soothing. They even go into labour at about the same point in the half hour, etc. etc. I don't recommend it as reality because of that, but it is a nice, soothing watch.

Also if things do go wrong, you'll cope. No one thinks so, but I've been through quite a lot and - you will. I hope that's cheery enough. I'm pragmatic due to my experiences but I think a lot of the fear is "how will I handle this and that and the other."

Well - in pregnancy you just do. You're kind of on the train and you can't get off until it's your station. When I got pregnant with my second I was like "HOW will I get this baby OUT????" And my OB was like: there really are only two options. And as stated above it really was almost lovely.

It's helpful to have your partner on board.

[Julie]

I did not enjoy pregnancy. I was never physically ill, but with #1 I had no appetite and SO uncomfortable, and with #2 I was just uncomfortable. I have always been active and athletic, and I hated not having control over my body in the same way. Waddling is not my favorite mode of transportation.

I induced both kids. #1 was an easy delivery. Literally pushed for like 15 minutes and out he came. No complications. Recovery was relatively easy considering he was 8 lbs. With #2, I had a c-section when it looked like he was in a tight spot and couldn't go anywhere. (Which is pretty typical of him as a baby/toddler - constantly wedging himself into tight spots and screaming for help to get out.) The c-section was textbook. I do NOT recommend watching the video of a c-section that is often shown in childbirth classes. There is just no reason for you to have that visual BEFORE you go into labor and have that on your mind as a possible outcome. They do not show videos of brain surgery or open heart surgery to patients before performing them, and I feel the same way about a c-section. No complications, a slightly longer recovery but again....18 months later, totally forgettable. I pray you will have a relatively comfortable pregnancy and easy childbirth. Good luck to you!!!!!

[twin mom]

Pregnant with twins...anxious as could be about all the terrible things that could go wrong with two in there...was put on bedrest at 23 weeks because Baby A supposedly had low(ish) amniotic fluid levels and because I had a lot of small contractions. Weeks go by...more weeks go by...I keep expecting that I'll go into labor...I never did! I had a scheduled c-section at 37.5 weeks and delivered two lovely and HEALTHY babies. One just over 6 lbs.; the other just under. As it turned out, Baby A, the one with low(ish) amniotic fluid levels, was bigger than her brother! Neither had any NICU time. A whole lotta worry for nothing. Although bedrest wasn't all bad...sitting on the couch all day was about what I had the energy for anyway. Don't pay too much attention to what they tell you based on ultrasounds--it's great that we have the technology but it needs a lot of work before it can be considered really accurate.

[pharmgirl]

HUGE but incredibly happy despite less than optimal circumstances. Bed rest due to BP (see HUGE) for 2 weeks. C section (also see HUGE) Fabulous fast recovery, barely any scar, no depression but uncontrollable tears for a week, and one of the neatest kids you'll ever meet - the best of his dad and the worst of his mother. (and 30 pounds lighter than when I began the pregnancy)

[Leah]

#1 - I had one pg complication that sucked and was painful but wasn't dangerous per say (kidney stones). Aside from that, it was a typical pregnancy and while I'm not a huge fan of the pregnancy part and get very uncomfortable at the end (because I have large babies) it was fine and totally doable. The birth was fine, I labored at home until I felt like going in, got there and was 7cm. My husband was taking the bar exam (BAD timing!) so I had my SIL with me and didn't feel comfortable feeling primal and out of control even though the pain wasn't unbearable, so I got an epidural that worked fine. She came out just fine at 9#1oz, I had a 2nd degree tear that was really the only sucky part of any of my births.

#2 - I went with a natural-birth-friendly midwife group this time, and my doula teaches hypnobirthing so I did that. It was AMAZING. There was still pain, but I just felt so content and not out-of-control. It worked for pregancy anxiety and insomnia too! This one was a wonderful labor, i went in for my scheduled appt, said I thought I might be in early labor, and was measured at 7cm and told to head over to the hospital. That one got a bit hung up with his football player shoulders but a couple quick position changes with my highly competent midwife and he popped right out just fine. No tears at all and he was 10#6oz. Even with the sticky shoulders his apgars were 7 and 9.

#3 - another typical pregnancy, I don't LIKE the pregnant part but hypnobirthing takes care of many of the parts I dislike most. Since I'm genetically disposed to these giant babies I really find the last month highly sucky and uncomfortable, but that's the worst part of any of it. Here's the baby's birth story for that one at the following link - it was pretty much a picture perfect natural birth of a 10#0 with the same midwife group and hypnobirthing. http://flickr.com/gp/lakeline/954A7t

My biggest advice is to envision the type of pregnancy and birth you want, then to find a provider who will work with you and who enjoys caring for women who want that type of care. Going to a typical OB wanting mostly hands-off care and going to a typical midwife wanting weekly ultrasounds and an elective cesarean are both going to end up with your feeling unhappy with your care.

My secondary advice is to do hypnobirthing/hypnobabies. Even if you don't want a natural birth, it will help with everything from pregnancy insomnia to anxiety about having to have a cesarean.

Good luck! I LOVE trying to reduce anxiety about birth, I think our culture loves a good horror story and so expecting mothers get inundated with them when what they really need is to be able to be comfortable and confident in themselves and their care providers. <3

[Erin]

I was extremely anxious pretty much up until my 20 week ultrasound during my pregnancy - what really helped me to let go of that anxiety was to stop reading any message boards or pregnancy books. I had WAY more knowledge that was necessary and it stopped being helpful and started becoming an obsession. I felt much better once I just made myself stop cold turkey with the information overload.

My pregnancy was very uneventful and pretty textbook. You don't hear about those because they aren't very exciting. Everyone just wants to tell horror stories! If you want to read more about my boring pregnancy, you can click on the pregnancy tab of my blog.

Birth was a little more exciting but still pretty easy - I was in labor at home without really being sure I was in labor for nearly 20 hours - got to the hospital and was dilated 6cm and 100% effaced, got to 10cm about an hour later (no epidural) and then pushed for nearly 3 hours - she came out fine despite an umbilical cord issue that could have made me a horror story. More details are on my blog.

[would have 100 more if I didn't have to take care of them!]

I never feel comfortable telling people this for some reason, but this seems like an OK moment. I have three children and their births (10, hrs, 8, hrs and 6 respectively) were the most wonderful moments of my entire life. Not that it wasn't work - it was! - but I felt so so strong and powerful, and even without pain meds I always felt that it was work I was able to do. Babies were big and healthy, recovery pretty quick.

[Charity]

Though I was nauseous through most of the pregnancy, it was otherwise smooth sailing. I had prodromal ("false") labor for two weeks before I finally went into real labor with a little help from the doctor breaking my water. My little girl came so surprisingly quickly and easily after that, and was (and is) a very healthy little girl. Recovery for me was smooth, too. I had some stitches, but the pain was actually really mild.

[Irene]

Here's mine: had a miscarriage but quickly recovered, conceived again 2 months later, had the usual annoying but harmless pregnancy problems (backaches, etc.), did an all-natural (no painkillers!) childbirth that was more challenging than expected, but overall went well and baby was fine!

[Jackie]

After 6 years of trying to get pregnant, the last three actively undergoing treatments, we conceived twins. I was exhausted and nauseous most of my first trimester. And third trimester, during the absolute worst heat of the summer (I gave birth mid-September), was hot and uncomfortable. But in the end, I carried 36.5 weeks with two very large babies (they were 6lb 11oz and 6lb 15oz at birth) with really nothing more than normal first-time-mommma-paranoia. That's not to say I didn't end up with some "quick" visits to the ER or L&D during my pregnancy - I did. At least three times that I can remember. But they were always, "just to be on the safe side" sort of visits to rule out anything dangerous and put my mind at ease. And they all ended up being just fine. I ended up going into labor at 36.5 weeks - and ended up with a c-section because my little guy, baby A, was not in the proper position. He had been breech most of the pregnancy and was frank breech at time of birth. But the c-section really was fine. And recovery from it was really pretty easy - nowhere near as bad as I had expected.

The office staff at both my ob-gyn and perinatologist's offices really kept my head on straight during the whole pregnancy. They continually assured me that it was totally okay to be nervous. And to not stress if I wanted to come in just to make sure that both babies were doing okay - that I was not inconveniencing them in any way or sounding like some obsessive crazy woman.

Hopefully you will be able find a way to relax and enjoy this time - and the newborn time. It really does go by SO quickly. My kids are turning three in a few weeks and are just not babies any more. I already mourn not having any babies in the house anymore - but I love my little people and who they're becoming. And it's so intriguing watching them develop. Enjoy!

[paola]

No.1 (DS)

Nausea first trimester. Active during whole pregnancy, but achey from around 20 weeks onwards. At 3rd ultrasound (32 weeks), was told baby wasn’t growing, but at 34 weeks I was told everything was normal, even though Bubs was a little on the small side. At 38 weeks, rushed to hospital by ambulance after my OB found I was 3 cms dilated (and 100% effaced) . False alarm. DS born on due date after a short drug- free labour (7 hours). Perfectly healthy and ‘big’ by Italian standards at 3.37kg.

No. 2 (DD)

I was still breastfeeding no. 1 ( 14 months old) and was spotting until I weaned at 10 weeks gest. Terrible nausea especially when nursing (extra reason to wean). Very active but again terribly achey from 20 weeks on. Toxoplasmosis scare at 26 weeks ( tested positive on one test) , but on re-testing all negative. At 3rd ultrasound, as with no.1, was told baby wasn’t growing. Retested (twice), and repeatedly told baby was very small . During third repeat, sonographer found potential heart malformation, and so was sent to have fetal heart ultrasounds. These confirmed Ventricular Septal Defect. At around the same time (32 weeks), OB found I was 3-4 cm dilated ( 100 effaced) and was put on bed rest as DD was still really small and needed to grow more. Was told I would not get to 35 weeks. HUH! DD was born (fast, 4.5 hours from first contraction to expulsion) on due date at a healthy (for Italian standards) weight of 3.23 kg. Hole in heart closed by itself by 2 month ultrasound.. She is still a wee slip of a lass, but perfectly healthy.,

[Rachel]

I LOVED my first and second trimesters. The end of my third trimester felt like it lasted FOREVER because I was so anxious to meet my daughter.

My labor was long but easy. I went in around 5 pm to be induced (I was 5 days past due), and found out that I had been in early labor all day. They gave me my first round of i.v. antibiotics (I'm Strep B positive), and we settled in to wait. I went in to active labor around midnight, but my cervix stayed at 2 cm. Finally had my water broken the next morning. After that, it went so fast! By the time my doctor got there, I pushed through 4 cycles, and had a daughter to hold!

[Kelly]

#1 - didn't worry a huge amount during pregnancy, heavy bleeding shortly into the 2nd tri (blood clot in placenta, nothing to do about it, couldn't have known/prevented it), edemic ankles, premature birth (blood clot caused infection, undetected) at 28wks, 3m of NICU and loads of complications = (currently) 6yr old boy who's wicked smart, has low muscle tone and is small for his age, is a typically troublesome boy.

#2 - worried incessantly during totally normal pregnancy, full term birth to a normal (50th percentile) boy = (currently) 3.5yr old boy who's wicked crafty, is huge for his age (outweighs his older brother by several lbs), is a typically troublesome boy.

My conclusion is that worry makes big, crafty boys. Also, labour was hard but natural (no meds) - the first was so fast there wasn't time, the 2nd they tried (twice!) once I "caved" (my issue, not a judgement to women who choose) and asked for an epidural - since it wasn't going to happen I did what had to be done (scream and push) and all was fine - I found the need for drugs kicked in right when I hit "transition" and if I were having a 3rd I'd know this and not even bother with the drugs!

[JCF]

#1-early miscarriage

#2-totally healthy pregnancy, very little sickness/pain/etc., no true complications. Went into labor on my own at 39 weeks, had a 16 hour labor (totally textbook predictable in progression). Baby boy was born (totally natural birth) at a hospital that was extremely supportive of birth. Great bonding experience for me and my husband, and we had a healthy baby with only normal breastfeeding issues that quickly resolved.

#3-Healthy pregnancy (like the first), went into labor on my own at 40 weeks 4 days, after both my husband and I spent the entire night awake vomiting with the stomach flu. We called my parents to ask them to take our son for the day, and assured them I wasn't in labor, just really sick. Baby was born 5 hours later in our bathtub and we got to surprise them with THAT phone call (the homebirth was planned, we just didn't think it would happen that day or that FAST). Beautiful birth, wonderful support from an incredible midwife, and a lovely recovery and healthy baby girl.

#3--Much of the same, but baby boy was born at 40 weeks, 3 days after 4 days of annoying false labor. We thought when it finally kicked in he would come quickly, but no...he took his sweet time. I had a long, super lazy labor (would have certainly been hooked up to Pitocin and every manner of drugs at the hospital, but my midwife at home wasn't concerned, and we took about 100 laps around my apartment building and the neighborhood), and a healthy baby was FINALLY born much to our jubilation (and shock, since I had convinced myself I'd be in labor forever).

Find a supportive care provider who will talk to you about your fears and concerns, and don't listen to the people who feel the need to tell you the nightmare stories! Pregnancy, labor, delivery, and postpartum can all be lovely and delightful (and f-ing hurt), and you will most likely both come out of it just fine!

[Cloud]

I spent the first trimesters of both of my pregnancies feeling car sick (but not actually throwing up). I spotted a bit, and that gets treated way more seriously when you're over 35 (as I was the 2nd time around), but came to nothing both times.

The rest of my first pregnancy was pretty standard- hormonal mood swings, uncomfortable, etc. The rest of my second pregnancy included super itchy legs for no apparent reason and PUPPs on my tummy (so super itchy tummy) but was otherwise uneventful.

First delivery was 5 days early, induced because my water broke and nothing happened. A long pushing period (4.5 hours) that I honestly can't remember anymore, and a healthy baby was born. They gave her to me right away, we tried to nurse, but in retrospect she probably didn't latch. I didn't know what I was doing! We had a bit of difficulty establishing breastfeeding, but that worked out pretty quickly and I breastfed her until she was 23 months old and I was pregnant with her sister.

Second delivery was 2 days late. Contractions, which had been happening for a couple of weeks on and off, got serious as soon as my water broke, and we hurried off to the hospital. I got there 20 minutes later and was already 6 cm dilated. I got up to the L&D room and got my epidural ~10 minutes after that. Contractions were only ~20 seconds apart at that point. I was just starting to try to relax and settle in for the labor, which was clearly going to be FAST, when my doc checked me and said "I feel a butt". He told us we had about 5 minutes to decide how we wanted to handle our surprise breach baby because things were progressing fast. We had a quick discussion, and decided that since he thought this baby was about a pound bigger than the last one and therefore big enough that just about everyone would recommend a C-section, we'd do the C-section.

Uneventful C-section, baby had to get antibiotics because it all happened so fast and I'm strep B positive... but she was healthy, and they brought her to me fairly quickly, and she latched right on to nurse. C-section recovery was just standard suckiness- you use those ab muscles for a lot of things! And then I got an epidural headache, which really sucked. But all of that, too, is fading from my memory. I have a happy, healthy 10.5 month old now.

I think the worry is normal to a certain extent- I remember worrying about insane things during my pregnancies, like "what would I do if a car crashed through our bedroom window while we were sleeping?" and worrying about the usual things, too. Since I was over 35 the second time around, there were more tests, so more chances to worry. So don't feel bad for worrying. But do try to come up with some strategies to cope with it!

[Arwen]

I've had one good birth and one incredible birth.

First birth, my daughter: went into labor at 38w4d, 100 miles from home. Ended up giving birth in strange hospital with strange doctor, and it STILL went okay! 11-hour labor, no pain meds. Certainly had a couple panicky moments, but no complications. I made it! Loved finding out how much my body was capable of.

Second birth, my son: went into labor at 37w6d, gave birth with midwife in hospital close to home. 9-hour labor, no pain meds, no complications. An exhausting but transformative experience for me. I still think of it when I need to concentrate on something soothing.

If you like long, happy birth stories with no scary parts, I wrote out the story of my son's birth here: http://ennorath.typepad.com/arwens_blog/2009/05/blaises-birth-part-1.html

[Emily]

#1 is a story that shows even when things start out rough they can be good. I had severe preeclampsia, they induced 6 weeks early and I was bitter for awhile about mean doctors, an emergency c-section I didn't think I needed and a sick daughter who spent a long time in the nicu. But now, she is the happiest, healthiest, tallest 3-year old you'll ever meet, and I have realized that the start to your life is important, but far less so than how you live the rest of it. She is a huge blessing.

#2: Dream pregnancy, last-minute emergency c-section that I was totally at peace with, healthy 9 pound boy, more than twice the size of his sister at birth. Now he's a healthy, happy little man.

[Mary]

Found at at 38 weeks my son was breech and had a scheduled c-section the next week. It was a great experience. My pain was well managed with medication. My favorite part of the birth experience was that my husband got to announce the baby's gender to me.

[Onthemtrack.blogspot.com]

My son's birth story:
- Pretty easy pregnancy. I was active and healthy throughout the whole thing. Had to convince my midwife that just because I was overweight did NOT mean that I automatically should be treated for Gestational Diabetes, but otherwise all went fine.
- My son was born at a freestanding birth center, not at a hospital. In retrospect, my labor started around 4 or 5 am, but I just thought they were Braxton-Hicks. Around 8am I felt like I had bad menstrual cramps, and called my husband (who - famously - said "call me back in half an hour"). At 8:15 am my water broke and my husband came home. We were at the birth center by 9:15 am and I labored in the tub for about an hour, then was removed for a check and never went back. My son was born a little before noon that morning. We were home by 6pm that night.

My experience was absolutely the opposite of hellish. It was, in just about every way, the perfect birth experience. I credit this to three things:
1) Avoiding OB/GYNS and Hospitals as much as I could, using midwives and CNAs for my healthcare instead.
2) Giving birth at a birth center vs. a hospital.
3) Trusting my body during labor (and particularly laboring in the tub). I had an unmedicated birth, and I firmly believe that's why my recovery was so easy and quick.

I am not one of those people who says "avoid medicine if its needed". I AM one of those people who says "our births are over medicalized and not every little thing is a crisis." I think sometimes, listening to friends, that they wear their birth nightmare stories as some kind of badge of honor - trying to outdo the next woman in line. When they hear my short, easy birth story they all regard me as something of a freak, and I sometimes feel dismissed, as though it can't be true.

It is true. Trust yourself, educate yourself, and trust your body. Giving birth is what we were designed to do.

[Jillian]

I worried a lot with my first pregnancy. Less with my second when I had a positive experience behind me.

Both times I was super barfy and exhausted until about 13 weeks. Beyond that there were various indignities of pregnancy (constant nosebleeds!) but nothing scary.

Labor and delivery are both hard work, but were not as bad as I expected. My doctor and the hospital were very repsonsive and respectful of my wishes. I rested, snacked (albiet secretively) and then pushed 'em on out.

I think people are far more likely to tell a scary/bad story. See how boring mine was? I don't tell it often. It's boring. But we're in the majority.

I totally understand your fear. But I was fine. My babies were fine. Odds are much in your favor that you'll have a boring story to not tell too.

[Emily]

Also, get a doula if you can. I had one with my second, and she made the difference between another rough experience, and a peaceful happy birth.

[Astiraa]

With #1 I had a fairly normal pregnancy (mild gaggy morning sickness, awesome 2nd trimester and brutal edema) followed by a long and traumatic(ish) birth due to a posterior baby who is too stubborn for his own good. I don't usually tell people about this birth as I don't like to freak people out, but while it wasn't ideal (lots of false labour, late epidural, forceps, etc, etc) it wasn't that terrible either. Baby boy came out perfect. I had a mildly uncomfortable week or two in recovery. But even with the ridiculous interventions and multiple days of labouring I can remember sitting in the hospital bed ~5 hours postpartum saying to my husband "That wasn't so bad, lets do it again".

#2 was a normal pregnancy again (minus the edema this time - YAY!). Induced at 39 weeks due to slow intrauterine growth. Was pretty much the exact opposite of delivery #1 (9 hours start to finish, MAYBE 3 hours of hard labour, completely unmedicated and the doctor barely had time to make it into the room to catch her) I felt FANTASTIC after her birth.

I'm with @wouldhave100more, it is so hard to explain and people generally look at me funny when I mention it, but I absolutely LOVE giving birth. It's definitely hard and exhausting and WORK but it's work for a reason and the end result of all the pain and suffering is so 100% worth it. If I could just skip the pregnant part and just have babies I'd be happy to have hundreds hehe.

[EmJay]

Today, I'm 35 weeks pregnant with my third child. I had to have surgery to remove my gall bladder at 24 weeks after weeks of misery. Sitting here today feeling pregnant, but fine. Tired, bloated...yes!..but fine. My 6 and 3 year old are happy, loved children. Their pregnancies, birth and first days and months are just memories some good, some bad. I realized after my first child that all that self-induced stress caused by worrying over everything really made what should be a joyful process very unpleasant for me and that I didn't need to do that to myself. It is a delicate balance between what we can control and what we can't. I've made some parenting mistakes along the way, but can honestly say I made the best decisions I could at the time with the information I had at the time. That is the best we can do.

[amberjee]

I second the doula suggestion - a wonder for taking away all the worries!

#1 wonderful blissful pregnancy, 4 hour labor, born at home, my lovely boy
#2 horrid vomiting for whole of pregnancy, exhausted, losing weight, 1 hour labour, again born at home, gorgeous chubby baby at the end.

[SarcastiCarrie]

#1 - Infertility, some spotting and "take it easy rest", a kidney scare on ultrasound, and ultimately, a fantastic kid who is 5 now and started kindergarten yesterday. How he was born or how long I breastfed him just doesn't seem that important any more. Fart jokes are important now. (I was a nervous, anxious wreck for the entire pregnancy and most of his infancy...and beyond.)

#2 - A wee, tiny bit of subfertility, some spotting, some wonky blood suger readings, but I felt GREAT. Fabulous. I was cutting the grass at 7 months still and riding my bike (although I gave both of those things up shortly after that because exercise started to give me Braxton Hicks contractions which were not dangerous, just uncomfortable). I felt awesome and was still carting my #1 around in my arms the day before the birth. I would have a hundred more pregnancies like that. But it was horrible in that I was so aroused for months on end and on pelvic rest for placental issues. Talk about irony.

Both kids are great. Both were delivered via c-sections and were healthy once all was said and done.