Q&A: 7 1/2-month-old not interested in solids

Katy writes:

"My 7 1/2 month old daughter has proven to be a much more distracted, uninterested and fussy eater than I ever imagined a child could be.  Lately, she really wants nothing to do with any solid food and really only wants her bottle.  Meal time is becoming battle - something I don't want but am feeling pressured (by pediatrician, books and advice from parents and friends) that she should be progressing through the food groups more than she is.  What are the guidelines for amount of solids and breast or formula?  Should I be worried? Should I just meet her where she is at, keep giving her what she likes and will eat and let her progress in the amount of solid food that she will eat without coercion or duress? 
 
I am completely frustrated and am not sure what to do."

Well, since you asked: Hang back and don't worry. Babies don't need a lick of solid food until they're a year old, at least. If your daughter is breastfeeding or on formula and you feed her whenever she's hungry, then she's getting everything she needs.

When humans are under a year old, "solids" are only practice with tastes and experiences and mouth control anyway. They're certainly not nutritionally necessary (or else you'd have to feed your baby tons more than nothing-but-sweet-potatoes for a week at a time). So don't sweat it. Take a couple of weeks off, and then go back and try some foods and see if she's into them.

There are two truisms about feeding babies:

1) Your job is to provide healthy foods and your child's job is to decide how much s/he will eat of them.

2) Feeding can turn into a huge, hairy control battle that leaves everyone exhausted and feeling like a failure if you, the adult, let it. So let go of your end of the rope in the tug of war, and just keep repeating Truism #1 to yourself, and remember that she will be fine.

Your pediatrician sounds very old-school. Which is fine, as long as you understand that and are prepared to manage the relationship with that in mind. And you can just tell all your friends whatever you want to. Just know that what your daughter is doing is normal and healthy, so you're doing a great job.

Anyone have anecdotes about babies who wouldn't eat solids early on who grew up to be come super-geniuses or Olympic athletes or something like that? Help put this in perspective for Katy.

Comments

[KatieV]

I'm also a fan of the "everything before 1 year is just for fun" idea. I was more Type A about it with my first baby (had to start at 6 months, yellow vegetables first, then greens, etc.), and wouldn't you know he's my pickiest eater now? With baby #3, he really didn't care to start solids until about 8 months, weaned around 14 months, and now he is a GREAT eater at 18 months.

[MamaMel]

Our daughter did the same thing, would gag on many textures, only wanted breastmilk, and her pediatrician scared me by stating she would need feeding therapy if she didn't start solids before toddler-hood. I do like our pediatrician, but this time she was wrong. Our daughter eventually started eating solids at around 10 months bit by bit: first some yogurt, then some crackers, and now as a 2 year old eats just fine!

[Laura Lou]

My little guy was completely uninterested in anything on a spoon. He HAD to feed himself, so that's what we did. I'd throw some cheerios, rice cake pieces, scrambled eggs, tofu squares, soft veggie chunks--basically whatever was handy--onto his tray and let him eat what he wanted. At 3, he's a fairly typical toddler eater (ie sometimes he eats everything, sometimes nothing), but by removing ME from the process, its not a battle.

[hydrogeek]

I have a good friend who exclusively breastfed her 2 boys and didn't even OFFER any solid foods until after they were a year old. She would let them try something for fun if they acted like they wanted something off of her plate, but didn't put any solids in front of them as "theirs" until after a year. They are both super smart young men. Babies know what they are ready for, I think. Have you heard about the baby led weaning thing? You should google that. It's a bit of a different take on when and how to offer babies/kids solid foods.

[Jessie]

I would recommend trying baby-led weaning:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby-led_weaning
I didn't try it with my son because he was a voracious eater, but I know several people who swear by it. It seems a more natural approach and lets the baby experiment and eat when they are hungry.

[Slim]

I didn't pressure much one way or the other, and now my kids vary in their interest in new foods, their geniusness, their athleticism, and their social skills.

But they are very snuggly.

[HereWeGoAJen]

We did baby led weaning and started with table foods at six months. My daughter spent the first couple of months playing with the food, having maybe a bite or two every meal. Now she's eighteen months and eats pretty much anything- salsa, pickles, and sushi.

[Steph]

I was superexcited when my baby turned 6 months so I could start feeding her food. She seemed SO ready - staring at us with beady eyes and practically drooling all over us when we ate. She would grab at our food if she was ever close enough.

Except? After her first enthusiastic gulp of rice cereal she pretty much refused to eat until she was about 8 months and then it was a few weeks of building up to more interesting foods.

She's 15 months now and wolfs down everything in sight including curries and other strong-flavoured foods. She is one of the more adventurous eaters amongst my friend's babies.

I did try baby-led weaning at around 8 months and she took to it at first but then was quite happy to take a spoon.

So, although I was really worried when my daughter wouldn't eat, but seeing her now as an adventurous independent eater, there was nothing to worry about. At all!

[jen]

I agree, repeat the mantra "food before 1 is just for fun." Much to the chagrin of everyone around me, I withheld any solids until my daughter was over 6 months old. Even then, I refused to go the baby food route. She started on things like avocado, soft fruit, hummus, and even fish (since we don't have a history of food allergies). I had a rule - if I wouldn't want to eat it, I wasn't going to make her eat it. That included almost all commercially available baby food. Yuck.

[Casey]

Some babies are not ready for solids at the book-declared age of 6 months. There's nothing wrong. That's just how it is. Some babies are not ready for solids until closer to a year. That's just how it is. Don't push it or you will create problems where they don't already exist.

Also, one thing we found with our second child who didn't eat solids until closer to 10ish months was that he didn't want any puree or anything on a spoon. He wanted to be in control of what went into his mouth. Everything he ate for about 4-6 months had to be small chunks of food put into his mouth by his own hand. Once I learned to let go and let him be, he ate the exact same amount as before, but I felt so much better about it.

[Amy M]

My son refused to be spoon fed at 6 months so we started with baby led weaning a few weeks later. For the first 3 months he would bring things to his mouth and either lick them or put them in and spit them out. He didn't eat anything measurable until 9 months.

By 11 months he was eating more than his 3 year old sister at dinner and started dropping nursing sessions. And he continues to be a big eater 3 months later.

I agree with Moxie. It is your job to offer food (preferably at a family meal or while you are eating, too) and your child's job to decide what and how much to eat.

[Steph]

Just to add to my previous post:

My daughter's paediatrician advised me to "force" her to eat by holding her mouth!!!

Suffice to say, I didn't.

Yoghurt has been an long-running favourite and is easy to give with fruit and veggies added.

[Katie B.]

DD (now 2) wasn't interested in solid foods until after her first birthday. Her ped offered a consult with a nutritionist, but thanks to resources such as Moxie here, I knew she was fine and would pick up solids when she was ready. She was healthy, active, gaining, hitting her milestones, nursing like gangbusters... baby-led weaning doesn't mean forcing your kid to eat; it means paying attention to your kid for when *s/he* is ready. S/he will be eventually. Once DD did become interested in solids, she went straight to table foods - no idiot purees for her! And now she's all but weaned (which mama feels distinctly ambivalent about). Also remember that even if your kid still nurses for an "extended" period (the OP didn't mention their form of feeding, but this is also for posterity), that doesn't mean that that's their sole means of nutrition. Over time, s/he will gradually eat more and nurse less, and the nursing will be more for closeness than nutrition - and that's ok!

[TodayWendy]

I was in a total panic when my daughter was about 6 months - when we tried giving her 'real' food (mashed up banana) she immediately threw up. After that she totally refused to let me feed her.

Then I read up on baby-led weaning and decided that sounded like a lot more fun, and less wasted food. I don't remember the timing, but definitely for the first while she would just play with whatever we gave her, and then eventually she started to eat bits of it. By the time she was 1, she was definitely eating solids.

Now she's 3.5 and usually quite happy to eat anything at all.

[paola]

At 17 months DD only ate breastmilk, crackers, bananas, rice and pasta with tomato sause and only if it was blended. She was in the 3rd percentile for weight and although her lack of interest in solids didn't bother her ped, it certainly bothered me. She turned the corner with the 18 month regression. Everything from sleep to her behaviour regressed, but there was an amazing developmental spurt in the food department. She suddenly had to try everthing on offer and huge quantites of the stuff.

At 3.5 she is by far the better eater of my two kids. Although she doesn't eat everything, she is curious and at least tries new things, unlike her older brother. At Christmas she even tried fois gras and loved it. She is a healthy 25th percentile now for weight (although somewhere between 60 and 75 for height) but is unlikely to be an Olympic champ as she still insists on being carried everywhere. However her determination to get her own way suggest she will definitely go places in future.

[Cloud]

What is it about baby-feeding that is so stressful? We started our second on solids a few months ago, and have been increasing the diversity and adding in finger foods now. And I find myself back in the same crazy place I was with my first, stressing out if we're doing it "right".

Rationally, I know that my baby will lead the way, and that every baby is different, and that I shouldn't stress.

But I still find myself comparing Petunia to her little day care "classmate" of about the same age. "Well, O is eating more finger foods! I must be doing something wrong."

Ugh. So no advice beyond Moxie's excellent advice, but some commiseration on how crazy-making it is. I wish I could say it gets better, but the same people who are judging your baby's lack of interest in solids now will be judging her refusal to eat green beans (or whatever) when she is a toddler. Really, it is best to try to get to a place where you're comfortable with your plan on feeding now, so that you can just ignore the people who will tell you you're doing it all wrong.

And for the previous poster whose pediatrician recommended forcing food into the baby's mouth- wow. I'm with you, that seems extreme. It seems more likely to cause future issues with food than a slow start to solids is.

[Jan]

My son is 7.5 months old too and we're going through the same struggles. This really put my mind at ease. Thank you so much for taking the time to answer this question. Very helpful and reassuring! Thanks!

[Arwen]

My daughter did not eat any solids to speak of before she was 12 months old, and not much between 12 and 18 months, either. I'm not kidding - I estimated that at 18 months, she was still getting 85-90% of her calories from breast milk.

The pediatrician, concerned about how much she was till nursing, even checked her for anemia and other deficiencies at 18 months. She was perfectly healthy.

And four months later she was done nursing and was eating solids 100%. And she self-weaned, too. (Mostly - I started limiting the duration of feedings although not the frequency, and over the course of about a week she quit on her own.)

My theory is that we just had to wait until she was ready. When she was, she started chowing down on the food we offered. Now, at three and a half, she's a great eater and she's always been very healthy.

With my second kid (now 16 months) I decided not to fret it, and didn't even start offering food until he was 9 or 10 months old. Ironically, he now eats much more solid food than his sister did at this age, although he still nurses much more than the average 16-month-old.

I think that solid food is one of the topics on which mainstream parenting culture in America is very screwed up. When they give me yet another handout at the doctor's office about how many servings of what foods my kid should be getting at what age, I always try to remember the millions and millions of babies throughout human history whose mothers just fed them, and didn't sweat it. I can't believe that the fussy approach is actually better than the natural approach that's worked for most babies in most places through most of time.

All this to say - Katy, don't sweat it! I'm sure your daughter is going to be just fine. :)

[Luann]

Because of allergy concerns, my pediatrician advised us to hold off on all solids until after 8 months. When we did start gradually trying things, it was basically a science experiment/art project. My son was mostly interested in the decorative application of pureed foods to his face or the table until 11 months or so. He continued to nurse, his favorite hobby, and we continued to offer different things for him to try. Around 12 months he began to actually eat instead of just tasting and playing around. I stopped pumping at 12 months and he switched to cows milk at school and at mealtime at home. The nursing gradually decreased as the solids increased, eventually becoming mostly symbolic by 24 mos. He self-weaned at 2.5. FWIW he's a big guy, always in the top 99% of height and 90% of weight, and now eats what we are told is an impressive variety of foods. Sometimes it feels like he lives on cheese and pickles, but as our pedi points out, just because we are bored with what he eats doesn't mean that he is.

[Erin]

My daughter didn't eat much of anything until around 8 months. She's been a really adventurous eater since then. I do remember being really unnecessarily stressed about her taking to solids so "late." It just seemed like everyone else's baby was gobbling up food, and even though I knew nothing was wrong, it felt like somehow we had screwed up.

My son didn't really eat anything until he was around 10 months old. Around that time, he decided that we weren't torturing him with this food stuff after all, and he kind of picked at things for the next few months. Now, at 23 months, he's definitely the pickier eater of the two, but overall he does eat pretty well.

[Carla Hinkle]

Really ... don't worry. Neither of my older two were at ALL interested in food until they were 8-9 months. Even then #2 only wanted stuff she could feed herself, which extremely limited her solids, to say the least, because since when did you see a 9 month old wielding a spoon? Right, never.

I wouldn't say my kids are great eaters, but they are not horrible, and I don't think it had a thing to do with what they ate/didn't eat at 6-12 months. Or even 12-24 months. These things are constantly evolving ... Don't worry!

[Mirella]

I wouldn't worry about it one bit! All these formulas and must-do's are so old-school and crazy-mama-making. My mother is obsessed with force-feeding my breast-fed daughter because she's worried that she's not getting enough nutrients. Thankfully, my pediatrician is very laid-back and told us that before one year solid food is just practice anyway. My daughter is now almost 11 months old and experiments with everything. At first, she wasn't that into food, so I didn't force anything. I just offered her whatever I was eating (lots of veggie soups, cooked sushi, spicy stuff, whatever). She's now pretty adventurous and eats a lot of healthful foods. My advice is just offer stuff and don't sweat it. It seems to me that most babies follow the parent's lead eventually. If she sees you eating yummy stuff, she'll probably want to eat it too eventually :-)

[Cathy]

Moxie's two rules are spot-on. As someone with a history of eating disorders and a daughter who's been picky about what goes in her mouth since birth (no bottles, no spoon-feeding, no sippy cups, and for a long time very little solid food), the idea that my job was to offer a variety of healthy foods and my daughter's job was to eat them or not has been sanity-saving for both of us.

I'd just add that parents with adventurous eaters are understandably happy about it and can act like it's an achievement they worked for -- but as the mother of a fundamentally wary eater, I have to remind myself that it's not a contest. Picky or cautious eating isn't a moral defect or a character flaw or a parental failing or even (most of the time) a health issue. My daughter still refuses to drink anything other than water and eats no dairy foods at all. I worry a bit about her calcium intake (and nursed her extra long, and encourage her taste for tofu), but it's not something I obsess over.

[maria]

Didn't read the previous comments yet, but Don't Panic!

My daughter refused all solids until she was between 13 and 14 months – it's ok! I got so much pressure from people, including the incredibly rude question "Well – do you COOK?"

For the first year, breastmilk (or formula) provides the bulk of a baby's nutrition and any solid foods are more of a taste and texture experiment, as well as a social exercise. Many babies refuse solids until later in what seems to be a self-protective mechanism against allergies.

There are four signals that a baby is ready for solid food:

1. Can sit up on her own
2. No longer has the tongue-thrust reflex (pushing foreign objects out of the mouth)
3. Is using a "pincer grip" with the hands

and the last is the most important:

4. Shows interest in solid food by, for example, taking food off your plate.

Don't worry!

[Kathleen]

Katy-

Does your baby have reflux? The reason I ask is that our little girl had reflux and spit up a lot until she was almost 11 months old. She was also very slow to catch on to solid foods and the doctor said it was because reflux babies are sensitive about solids. Just a thought... sometimes having a reason 'why' can make it easier.

Also- our daughter is now 14 months and is still a picky eater. I can count the foods she will eat on my two hands. And she is just fine. Really the #1 thing is to not worry and just let her eat if and when she wants to eat. Making sure it doesn't turn into a battle is the only way to keep your sanity and do what is best for your kid. If she doesn't want to eat, she is not hungry. If she prefers milk- she knows what she needs.

[Another Katy]

I breastfeed our 7 month old and recently started preparing "meals" for her (mashing up fruits and veggies and offering a little bit of cereal). She likes it ok, I agree with the other comments...don't be stressed out. Sometimes my daughter won't hardly eat anything at all. Sometimes she just wants to play around with the spoon.

My problem is that my MIL is obsessed with giving her cookies, cake, popsicles, etc. Sugary stuff that my intuition says is not a good idea! They make fun of me for being too controlling. And sometimes I wonder if I am...

[Amy]

My little guy was much the same. He was enthusiastic when we first started cereal. Then pretty much wanted nothing to do with it or anything else. I think most of his issues were that the rice cereal and or bananas slowed his digestion and put him off the idea of solids. We gave him a break for about a month and then tried oatmeal baby cereal and he got back into it (and started giving him a watered down apple/prune juice mix). He's 2 now and still has the same philosophy - if something upsets his plumbing he backs off and won't eat anything outside his comfort zone of core foods for awhile.

[mickie]

Ditto the prior posters about not making it a power struggle. My son hated (and hates - he's 20 months) being spoon fed. REFUSES to eat from a spoon held by anyone but him. It's messier, but we've just let him feed himself since he could pick up bits of food. We didn't ever do commercial baby food - I pureed some fruits/veggies, but mostly baked stuff like apples and carrots, etc until they were soft (with a little juice to keep them soft).

Now he eats pretty much everything we give him - but if he doesn't choose to eat what's on his plate, I figure he just wasn't that hungry. I'll offer raisins or something, but don't force the issue. He is a MAJOR milk drinker (still from a bottle. sigh), so I figure he tops himself off after dinner if he's still hungry : )

[electriclady]

My daughter was minimally interested in eating solids (purees) and completely uninterested in self-feeding until she was at least 1. If we had done baby-led weaning, she would not have eaten any solids until well past her first birthday. I don't think it's a coincidence that she also didn't get her first teeth until she was 11 months old.

Sometime after she turned 1, she took to solids with gusto and was one of those toddlers who ate everything, including Swiss chard, curries, etc. etc. etc. She is in fact a supergenius ;) but now she is 3 (and therefore a PITA) and would really like to eat only macaroni and cheese and hot dogs.

Food, like sleep, seems to go in waves. Sometimes it sucks, sometimes it's good, but I try not to get too attached either way because it's sure to change soon.

[hedra]

Lessee... four data points.

First, the GP's statement at 4 months or so: If you want to start feeding him solids, you can. If you give him no solids until a year, that's fine, too. He'll let you know when he's ready. He *might* be a little smaller for height at a year without solids sooner, maybe, but even if he is, he'll be the same by 4 years old anyway. Your call. (The whole 'food under 1 is for fun' deal.)

1) was happy enough to eat most things from the start (5 1/2 months or so), but... well, I sang to him to get him to eat. I talked, played games (here comes the airplane, etc.), and encouraged. I made yummy noises, blah blah the usual American thing. And he responded 'as expected' - he ate. And ended up with a feeding clinic round because of sensory issues + choking incident + reflux + allergies + he's a super-taster (everything tastes LOUD). He ate despite his aversions, because he was the kind of kid who would try to please me. And then he ended up hating food, and still has a so-so relationship with it. Phew. So just because they start out eating the way they're 'supposed to' in the US, means nada. Even if you have a kid who seems to be in the 'eats fine' category, it can be easy to over-do it. First thing they asked when he hit the clinic (for extreme food aversion/avoidance at 5-6 years old) was whether we insisted on him eating/controlled his food choices. Er. Well, not by THEN, but we had! And 70% of the tendency to be a picky eater is genetic anyway. Nice anti-poisoning-self-with-gross-stuff-I-found safety function. :)

2) thought baby food was DES-GUS-TEENG. Peh. Ignore. Meh. So I winced and let it go (was still dealing with the elder, not yet in feeding clinic). At around 6 1/2 months, I ground up some of my squash/onions/garlic/black-pepper that he kept grabbing for, and WOO-DOGGIE! That's what he wanted. Real food. None of that jarred blech. Garlic, baby! Still the most adventuresome eater I have. Part of that is just genes. But the baby-led thing is really useful. Plus cheaper! (one grinder, no jars)

3+4) Twins will teach you to let go of that stuff, seriously. I tossed food on their trays (grinder still in action), and let them figure it out. Safe feeders a plus (!!) that mesh bag thing rocks, especially for the 'I decline to even mash with my gums' kids. M and R used to swap food. Miss M would take all the meats and green veggies, Miss R would take all the carbs and yellow veggies. Miss M turned out to be anemic (she was already pushing her diet hard for iron, but needed a boost beyond that), Miss R was fine for iron even without the extra heme-iron and dark greens. They knew what they needed. They also knew how, when, how long, how much, etc. (except for the fructose malabsorption angle, which messes with things). But aside from that? M has reflux, she'd eat a little, take a break, come back and eat a little more. Reflux management!

Only the eldest had feeding issues, and he was also the only one I 'encouraged' to eat 'normally'. Can't go back and fix the issues with the eldest, but that'd be one thing I'd change if I could have a do-over. He may never have a normal relationship to food. :( Okay, so a lot of us have abnormal relationships with food, but it's no fun to feel I made that harder.

Trust your kid. They may have reflux or sensory issues or a swallowing issue or something else 'contributing', which you can (and should) watch for, but odds are good that they're on their own track for their own reasons. Observe, provide opportunity, but don't judge.

Oh, and at 7 1/2 months, 1/2 my kids flat out stopped eating anything if I offered it. Self feeding only, thanks! If I offered, it got thrown or refused (even after having been clearly requested, sign language rocks, too). Put it down and attend to my own meal? Then it was suddenly edible. Watching created too much pressure - knowing my kids now, at least one of them takes me watching like a zillion people looming over peering at her. Food would taste like cardboard to me under those conditions, too!

[Rebecca]

I started my now ten month old on solids at five 1/2 months following pressure from family/the pediatrician but now I wish I had just left her to decide when she was ready. She ate varying amounts of puree up until about two weeks ago when she decided she was done with it. She will now eat what she can put in her mouth herself(and even then she really just wants to lick it and throw it on the floor) and what she grabs off my plate, and she prefers if she is not being watched. I have had to really think about my own behaviour around her eating - I hover around her, willing her to eat because all my friends' babies of similar age are chowing down on seemingly adult sized meals and I feel like I must have failed in some way(food not tasty enough? not enough variety?). Thanks for this post - I'm now going to back off and follow my instinct, which says she'll eat when she's ready.

[Schwa de Vivre]

I'm another mother in favor of baby led weaning (although at this point - 2yrs 5mos - I really wish the quitting nursing thing would catch on). Of course, my son starting picking things off my plate at 5mos, and wouldn't take purees/cereals on a spoon after the newness factor wore off, about a week later, so that was what was left for us. He's a spotty eater -- he's a toddler, right? This morning his dad tried to get him to sit down for breakfast for a good fifteen minutes, until I told Daddy-o he didn't have to make him, and discerned that the kid just wanted Triscuits this morning. But he eats a huge variety now, and I have to tell you that hearing "guacamole" in a two-year-old's growl is really pretty rewarding.

Every La Leche League meeting I've ever been to, this issue has come up, and they always say the same thing: babies don't *need* solids until after a year. There might well be more info on the issue at their website (www.llli.org, I think).

I want to second the notion of making sure there's nothing medical going on like reflux. But probably OP's baby just isn't there yet, and probably everything's fine. OP, I want to reiterate: you're doing a great job.

[Melba]

I have a couple data points that go a bit against the mantra "food under 1 is just for fun"...

My oldest daughter started solids at 4 months. She was draining full 8 oz bottles every couple hours and was starting to wake in the night to feed, after going a couple months of sleeping right through. She was just hungry ALL. THE. TIME. So we started solids and never looked back. She loved eating solid foods. She slowly self-weaned off her bottles (just didn't want them anymore, wasn't interested) and was off formula completely at 9 months old, having three meals plus three snacks a day and cow's milk in sippy cups. She was also enormous at 95th percentile, from about 6 weeks old onward (i.e. she was big well before starting solids, it wasn't the solids that made her big, it's just her).

My neice was the opposite, she was around 5th percentile. At about 6 months, she stopped growing. My sister tried to get her to eat solids, but she refused. She was not getting enough calories from breastmilk despite being fed all day and night. Her weight dropped right off the charts. At 8 or 9 months old, she finally agreed to eating solids, and as soon as she did, she started gaining weight again.

My point in all this is that every baby is different, and I don't beleive that all babies are fine without solids until a year old. Some, yes. Maybe even most babies are fine. But mine wasn't, and I'm pretty sure my sister's baby wasn't either.

I think the best advice is that you know your baby best, you are your kids' best mom, and you need to decide when to feed solids based on the cues your baby gives, his/her appetite, weight, etc. There is no one rule that fits all.

[maria]

I have a totally off-topic question that I thought I'd put out there in case anybody's got any thoughts. I hope that's ok…

I am going to the premiere of my brother and s-i-l's new movie in a couple of weeks, in Washington DC, and I don't know how to get a babysitter in a place I don't live and don't know anybody. It's not a movie that is appropriate or interesting to a 6 yo, and the screenings (I'm hoping to go to two) are at around 6 in the evening. Anybody have any ideas?

[Nelle]

At my daughter's 9 month checkup I told the pediatrician that my daughter's diet consisted entirely of breastmilk and the occasional handful of cheerios. My daughter was totally uninterested in any of the solid food I'd tried to introduce, but after reading great advice from Moxie and elsewhere, I was not concerned.

Well, after the peditrician's scolding and assurances that my daughter was certainly already anemic, I went into minor freakout mode. I spent the next two miserable weeks trying to shove mashed sweet potatoes, carrots, bananas, etc. down my daughter's throat. Then the lab called with her blood test results, and guess what, she was not anemic. She was perfectly healthy, and she just was not ready for solids. At around 13 months, she started reaching for things on my plate and began eating soft table food.

Today she is four years old and is still an extremely picky eater. But she is perfectly healthy, and I've learned that food is not a battle that I need to fight.

[the milliner]

Here,here Moxie! I think you said it all. Like others, I found the whole concept of my job being to put a variety of good foods in front of DS & his job to eat it contributed in a big way to reducing the stress.

And, like @Hedra pointed out, I also figured out with my son that if I didn't watch him (by the time he was self feeding - he did like being spoon fed for the first few months from about 6-9 months) he ate a lot more than if I stood by hovering over. Even now (at 2), I try to avoid letting him see me watch him eat at his kiddie table because it usually means he'll stop eating or bring me the bowl to say he's done.

I think part of what's crazy-making is that it changes so much from day to day. This is driving me nuts now. One day yogurt is in. Out the next day. Our assured dishes are basically eggs and whole wheat crackers. That's it. Not even cookies are guaranteed. Though I guess ice cream is ;). DS' eating habits have fluctuated SO much in the past 1.5 years that I no longer try to predict what he'll eat. In general we don't do seperate meals for DS, and for the most part I've gotten OK with the concept of him eating barely any dinner or lunch some days. As long as he gets one good meal in the day, then so be it. Try again tomorrow.

The hard part is to keep offering a variety of good stuff. DS won't eat fruit at home. Well, maybe occasionally blueberries. (But he'll eat everything at daycare. Peer pressure I guess). I've totally slacked in offering fruit because I hate throwing things out and basically hate having made the effort, and then to always have it refused. But, I'm trying to make more of an effort in the offering. I mean, if I don't offer it, how will he ever have the chance to try it?

BUT! Success! Well, for 2 days. He ate grapes. Mostly when he saw me eating them for a snack. Score! But, 2 days later, back to refusal. Oh well. I'll take it where I can get it.

[JCF]

My son wasn't interested in solids at all until at least 8 months, and even then, it was only a tiny bit for a long, long time. He nursed a lot until was over a year, and he grew just fine. By the time he was a year, he was eating lots and lots of table food, but I think he just never really liked the purees. He's now 2.5 and a great eater (we just got home from going out to lunch where he refused to eat the grilled cheese I ordered him and devoured my spinach and chicken salad).

Because of our experiences with our son, and because we had a lot of crazy stuff going on for a few months before my daughter was about 9 months (moving, several extended trips, etc.) we didn't even bother offering her solid food until after all of that settled down. She did have some tastes of table food when she was interested, but we never made it a thing, and certainly not daily. She also nursed a lot, ate very few purees before jumping to table food and now is a great eater as well. We'll take the same relaxed baby-led weaning approach with any subsequent kids. It is also a lot easier than making tons of purees for a baby who is not interested and less expensive than all the little jars!

[Kate]

Yet another mother who swears by baby-led weaning. We started giving her real solid food at six months and mostly she just played with it or sucked on it. She started eating it for real after a couple of months and subsequently turned into a champion eater. She turns three next month and will still eat just about anything.

Plus, baby-led weaning is so much easier, because they just eat what you eat, when you eat.

[Jillian]

My daughter was the same and still, at 21 months, is hit and miss sometimes. She's my second and I'm much less plussed about it all. I trust that she will eat when she's hungry and I just make food available to her.

For now, if you rule out any sort of motor problem (tongue tie etc) I would take the same approach. Just make it available and don't worry too much about it.

My daughter was fussy about the way food was presented. For example:

- She wanted to feed herself if at all possible. For a while I was thickening my veggie puree mix with dustings of baby cereal and then baking drops of them on a cookie sheet so they became spoon sized 'mush balls'. She could fist these and cram them into her mouth.

- She preferred a really full mouth to small bites of anything. I attribute it to breastfeeding with huge boobs. ;)

- She liked to eat off metal utensils and refused to eat off plastic. For real. So think about changing up what you are serving with. Other ideas are feeding with chopsticks when you get to the small bits of solid food stage. One of those giant wooden stirring spoons is also fun.

Good luck! It's hard not to obsess over this since it's probably the first real self-choice behaviour you're seeing.

*sigh*

Get used to it.

[G's Mum]

I am so happy to see this discussion.

My 9.5 month old had been giving me fits. I had been offering rice cereals and purees - home made, bought, frozen, warm, whatever for 3 months! The only thing she would eat are Mum Mum rice cookies. I was a wreck and she was not happy in her high chair as I pushed pureed grossness at her on spoons.

Then I gave up, starting putting fresh food stuff on her tray, and she is doing much better (like many suggest here - avocado, banana, Cheerios, plain boiled egg (not a hit, who can blame her!) shredded cheese, small bits of nectarine, spinach, green beans chopped up, etc. Fresh cheese/yogurt is now a huge hit and then only thing she will take from a spoon.

Also she loves using those mesh teething bags on a handle - she can munch on frozen fruits, including berries, without risk of choking, and she loves the coolness on her teeth. She took those before she would eat off a tray, maybe your baby would enjoy those as an introduction. Frozen bananas are good in those little bags and the babies can be independent without risk of hurting themselves.

"My" failure with purees and rice cereals made me think I was a terrible mother, raising a spoilt brat who would no doubt become dangerously anemic from refusing rice cereal.

Then our pediatrician told me that he thinks eating with the hands is just fine (as long as they are clean hands) and reminded me that all around the world babies learn to eat with their hands and do just fine. As long as our daughter is ok iron/hemoglobin wise, then he is not worried. And if her hemoglobin is low, then she can have an iron supplement until she gets a mixed diet under control.

So there you go. Baby lead weaning seems like the way to go for our independent babies. And it is more fun too, although a bit messy.

In the meantime enjoy nursing :-) I am already starting to miss it, and my daughter is just this week starting to drop nursing sessions and only really indulging at night.

[G's Mum]

Oops! I assumed your were nursing, which may or may not be right. Apologies! If you are using bottles, enjoy their tidiness - that will end with the solids.

[lolismum]

Arwen up there said,
"My daughter did not eat any solids to speak of before she was 12 months old, and not much between 12 and 18 months, either. I'm not kidding - I estimated that at 18 months, she was still getting 85-90% of her calories from breast milk."

This is exactly the experience I had with my first daughter, who would have breastfed until she was in college if I let her. I could not get any decent amount of solid food into her until she was 18 months old. Even then she preferred milk to everything else. Now she is 5.5, reads, writes, paints, eats without prompting whenever hungry and she is in the 50% for weight.

Moxie is right, don't sweat it honey. When the baby is 9 months or so see if she/he likes cheerios. Babies do sometimes like to feed themselves. Eff the pediatrician and sanctimonious friends.

[Camilla]

I think feeding my baby with a spoon is a fine thing for other people to do. The babysitter's good at it, and sometimes visitors get a kick out of the process.

It just doesn't work so well when I do it, so mostly I don't bother. Maybe the original poster should see if there's a school-age kid about who can be recruited to "help out" and feed the baby.

[hedra]

@Jillian, I have one child who used to freak out if I cut up her food, and if I said it was 'too big', she would say 'I like TOO BIG!' She'd knaw on a 10 oz slab of steak happily, but give her 1 oz neatly cut up, and she'd say she was done, get me OUTA here! But her twin sister, ah, no. Baby pieces, please!

And then they swapped opinions. And then rearranged opinions. And again. So it comes and goes. But I've got the bfing large size thing, and I think it is just that some kids like the sensation of mouthful at some ages, and others do not. Until they do. ;)

I also mixed rice or oat cereal into whatever was too thin for handling out of our table foods. It makes a handy thickener. It also makes slippery things less slippery (like avocado and peach), though the mesh bags are better for that, safety-wise. (says the mom who had to Heimlich her 9 month old, twice. The one thing with the 'not watching' them eat is I had to still open my peripheral vision and maintain a bland expression, because I discovered through experience that a child choking is utterly silent, not even any banging on things for help. Scary. One week after taking the infant/child CPR certification, 'got' to use it. Timing!)

[hedra]

@Melba, growth velocity is an important point.

If the child is falling down the chart, especially to more than 2 lines below mid-parental average*, or the velocity of growth is low or declining, then it is worth looking into what else is going on.

Having had a FTT child (incidentally the one who eats anything and a ton of it), the stress from that is huge. Important to know where they should be (range-wise), and velocity is the primary question for smaller kids, not curve per se.

* mid parental height averaging:

1. (mom height + dad height)/2 ...
2. if child is a girl, subtract 2.5 inches; if child is a boy, add 2.5 inches.
3. Look up the growth chart for up to 18 years,
4. take the height from the above (mid-parental average for gender) and find the curve percentile for that height at adulthood.
5. 80% of children will be within two lines on the chart from there (usually about 2.5 inches either way). If your child is more than an additional curve below the lower end of that range (at their current age), it is worth checking into (still can be normal, but higher odds that there is another issue present).

Funny what gets stuck in my head... ;)

[ExpatMummy]

The advice regarding food and feeding changes so often it can make your head spin. I'd suggest letting your baby lead, as the other posters have stated.

As an example, I just took my 6-week-old daughter in for her check-up and was told that everything has recently changed and we should introduce solids at four months instead of six, and include things like eggs, peanut butter, etc; serving them early and often Apparently there's no proof that holding off can deter allergies, etc. so they're all for trying something different.

Meanwhile, my three-year-old eats nearly everything. We've had the fussy issues over fruit, veggies, textures etc. but overall he eats well. He wouldn't touch commercial baby food when we started to introduce solids and really only wanted what we were eating - so that's what we gave him.

I suppose that's a long-winded way of saying that it's easier on all involved if you can keep feeding her formula/breast milk and keep introducing solids. She'll come around eventually and life is a lot easier of the dinner table isn't a battlefield. As long as she's healthy and happy it's all good.

[Please ask a doctor you trust, not the internet.]

I am all for reassuring people when there is really nothing to worry about, but I have to chime in with a warning here.

I breastfed for 22 months and my son never wanted to eat the iron fortified rice cereal. My pediatrician noticed a heart murmur at six months (which is a sign of anemia, fyi) but didn't test for anemia or give me any advice to supplement with iron. I had read not to supplement with iron without your pediatrician telling you to because iron toxicity is a problem too. (deficiency is too little, toxicity is too much)

By 12 and 1/2 months when he did get tested, he was moderately (more than mildly) anemic and we had to do twice a day iron supplementation for five weeks and then once a day for several more months. I spent a lot of time worrying after we found out he was anemic. I Googled long term consequences of iron deficiency and freaked myself out. Don't do that.

I figured out that he was probably anemic about a day before his 12 month check up. He was tired and pale and cranky. Everyone kept telling me 1) not to worry, 2) not to compare him to other kids. I read-I think on kellymom-that you can exclusively breastfeed a healthy baby for 12 months and you won't have any problems.

It's too bad not a single person mentioned how important it is to learn about nutrition. And it's too bad our pediatrician dropped the ball. I take responsibility for not reading more and not vetting our pediatrician better, but it really annoys me to see people saying not to worry at all if your child gets nothing but breastmilk until 12 months.

From what I've read, vitamin D supplementation might be a good idea starting around three months and iron can start by six months. You aren't supposed to supplement with iron without your pediatrician's okay, but don't wait for him or her to bring up the issue! I did and I regret it a lot.

My son is just over two now. He's a smart kid, but on the short side, where my husband and I are both taller than average. The doctors and everyone all told me not to worry about that too. The thing is, the doctors don't care as long as your kid falls into a very broad range of normal.

Worrying doesn't help, of course. But "don't worry" doesn't mean "don't read up on nutrition" or "don't educate yourself."

If you are feeding iron fortified formula, you're probably fine on iron. (But read about vitamin D. An article a few months ago said a huge number of breastfed babies and a smaller but significant number of formula fed babies in the US are vit D deficient.)

I'm not a doctor and neither is anyone else here, as far as I've read. So find a doctor you trust and ask her/him.

[hush]

My data points: DS used to have a beloved, but old school pediatrician who was always telling me to feed DS various things that I myself wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole and Rachael Ray pushing. This was like way before my kid even had a single tooth nor any demonstrated interest in food at all. So I typically lied and said "he's on solids, oh yes!" and the ped was like "I can tell because he's growing so much!" Ha, sucka. Then I got smart and found a ped who could handle the truth & respect differences of opinion, but I digress. :)

DS didn't get his first solids until 10.5 months. That's when he showed an interest, by grabbing things off our dinner plates and putting them in his mouth excitedly. So we skipped jarred baby food entirely and just exclusively gave him pieces of food off our plates. So much easier than mashing stuff up and feeding from a jar! When we did this in public, people at the time were awestruck/horrified because it was so against the grain of the conventional wisdom of only a few years ago.

DS is now 2.5 and eats extremely well - better than many adults in our family actually; we're talking tuna & salmon sashimi, fruits, nuts, green veggies. He rocks.

DD is 8 months, and about 4 weeks ago we were all at dinner at our friends' home, and DD was sitting on DH's lap and suddenly started reaching for DH's food. It was delicious Indian food. He helped her take a few bites, and she was in love; just so excited! Now gets very pissed off if she doesn't get some of whatever it is we're eating!

It makes me sad that parents like @Katy the OP, feel so pressured around feeing their kids. Family mealtime is supposed to be fun! Shame on the ass-vice givers because it seems to me that in the US, with all of our many food-related issues & unhealthy relationships to food at epidemic levels starting in childhood, that we ought to re-think the "old-school pediatricians' rules" - because really, the old ways haven't been working for everyone. So like everyone else said - trust your own instincts about when you happen to think your kid is ready, Katy!

[Cloud]

Coming back in to say: if you're looking for more info, you could check out Ellyn Satter's Child of Mine book. I believe it is the original source of Moxie's advice point #1 and it also includes a lot of information about nutrition. It is really a very reassuring book.

About food allergies- yes, the recommendation has changed recently, but if I remember correctly that is not because there is any new data. It is more of an acknowledgement that we don't actually know what is best in terms of avoiding food allergies. Back when my now 3 year old was about a year old, I read a bunch of the primary literature on the development of food allergies, and it was all over the place. Some studies showed that introducing allergenic foods early was correlated with increased allergies, some found that it was correlated with decreased allergies, and some found no correlation at all.

About vitamin D, my pediatrician is a gung ho believer and now the entire family is taking vitamin D supplements. Anecdotal evidence- we're sick much less often since starting this. I'll be interested to see what happens during the next cold/flu season, which will be my younger child's first one at day care. There was actually a recent paper presenting data that provides a mechanism for why vitamin D might increase immune function, too.

[Eveanyn]

It's hot, let her have her bottle. She needs the fluids!