Q&A: naps at around 3 months

Lisa writes:

"I seek your wisdom on naps!

My nearly eleven week old son is a champion night sleeper but fights daytime naps like a big fighty thing.  He'll sometimes go an entire day with only a couple of short catnaps, where he goes down but won't stay asleep for more than ten minutes and can't be settled back down again. I do look out for tired signs after he's been awake for an hour and a half to two hours, but he frequently goes from "displaying no tired signs at all" to "overtired" without any noticeable signs of weariness and won't settle down at all.  Or he simply doesn't seem to get tired!

Often the only way to get him to nap is to walk him round the neighbourhood in his Bjorn or pram and KEEP MOVING, which is obviously not very restful for me! He also sometimes has great 2-3 hour naps in his baby swing, but again, often wakes up after a short while, and needs to be put down at just the right stage of drowsy or actually asleep. If he isn't sleepy enough, he either just lies there awake and staring (he does a good line in "you've got to be kidding, lady" looks) or gets unbelievably cranky - he doesn't seem to be one of those babies that you can just "put down for a nap".

We swaddle him for night time sleeps but don't always do so for naps, usually because the window of opportunity between "a bit tired, might sleep" and "TOO TIRED TO SLEEP" is barely noticeable, if there at all, and I can't keep him swaddled all day!  A lot of his better naps have happened after he's unexpectedly fallen asleep while feeding.

I do think he needs the sleep, as he does get awfully grizzly and grumpy if he doesn't get enough naptime.  Also *I'd* like some time when he's asleep during the day to do exciting things like, er, eat uninterrupted, or read.  Ideally it'd be nice if he'd nap in his crib, too (I am currently taking your Malcolm X approach to his swing naps!), and at predictable times, but for now I'd be happy if he'd just nap, full stop.

Hope you can help!"

Wow, do I wish I could help! Unfortunately, what you are describing is totally, completely, absolutely, comically typical of daytime sleep for babies that age.

It seems like there are babies that fall into a few different camps. At one extreme we have babies who sleep all day. While rare, I hear they actually do exist. A friend of mine finished her PhD thesis and painted two rooms while home on her 12-week maternity leave with her first, so obviously at least one baby has been a real daytime sleeper. At the other end of the scale there are babies who really truly don't sleep at all during the day for the first few months. I'd like to write more about that but just thinking about it scares me so I'm backing away slowly.

The majority of babies, though, seem to be either 45-minute kids or 20-minute kids. Meaning that their standard nap length seems to be preset to be either 45 minutes long (help) or 20 minutes long (heellllllpppp). And you can, and will, try everything: rocking, swaddling, going for walks with the baby in the pram/stroller, driving the baby around in the car, letting them sleep on top of the running clothes dryer, strapping them to you, leaving them alone in a crib and shutting the door and sobbing, etc. But the only thing that actually seems to lengthen the nap time is if your mother-in-law is babysitting, in which case they sleep for 90 minutes and you look like a crazed liar.

Raise your hand if you tried that whole scheme of waiting for the time when the baby woke up and sticking the pacifier/bottle/your boob in the baby's mouth right at the exact second before full wakefulness occurred to attempt to get another 20 or 45-minute sleep cycle out of your baby. I bet you remember with clarity the three times it worked.

Raise your hand if you've been driving to a store to get one specific thing and have ended up stuck sitting in the parking lot for 18 or 43 minutes because your child is taking a nap and you think maybe this time will be the one long nap and you can't screw it up by pulling the baby out of the car.

Raise your hand if you think your back will never be the same because you spent months and months bouncing around the house with your baby in a carrier, desperate for just ten minutes longer.

Raise your hand if you thought you must have been doing something really, truly, horribly wrong, because babies are supposed to sleep, dammit, and if you couldn't even make that happen, then what good are you? 

Now raise your hands in the air and wave them around like you just don't care if, in fact, you stopped caring because none of it worked, not even the guilt bath. It's just biology and the particular preset your baby has. All kinds of books will have all kinds of tips on getting your baby to sleep longer, and I bet even the readers will tell you things that got them a few extra minutes, but really, it's just something that's kind of preset during that time period.

And then, somehow, when your baby is right around 5 or 5 1/2 months old (or 4 1/2 if you're really lucky), your baby will go into a new growth/developmental spurt and will start taking longer naps. It really feels like winning the lottery. Not the MegaMillions, but a decent-sized pot. I feel certain that it's connected to the pretty-horrible-for-some-people 4-month sleep regression--once that regression is over, the leap includes being able to (and needing to) sleep longer stretches. It just seems to happen (especially if you do really pay attention to the sleep signals--if you have a baby who gives them).

So with these words, Lisa, I free you: There's nothing more you can do. 6,000 years of parents haven't been able to change newborn sleep patterns, so don't overthink it. If it makes you feel better to try all kinds of tricks to get him to sleep, then do it. But give yourself credit for the effort, not for any results. Enjoy your nighttime sleep, and be ready to pounce in that 5-month-old nap switch window. You're doing a great job.

Comments

[G'smum]

I just want to clarify - for those parents who needed to sleep train to make their lives livable, I didn't mean to come across as heavy handed or critical. I know what ever works for your family is the most important thing. So apologies if my first post was hurtful, I didn't mean it to be.

[caramama]

Swaddling and the swing. Swaddling and the swing. For both my kids, for longer than you'd think. (And even then, that only rarely worked for my daughter.) Go ahead a swaddled before you nurse, just in case he falls asleep. I never regretted doing that, and was often thankful.

I would also sometimes try to take naps with them, wearing just a nursing bra, that way I could just stick a boob in their mouth when they started to stir and it would buy me a little more time.

And it really does get better (for most kids)! My 10-month-old son is now generally a great napper who falls asleep half the time by himself in his crib and the other half while nursing/getting a bottle and then is easily transferred to his crib! You will get through it and you may get a great napper after all! (I will kindly not talk about my daughter's napping/non-napping now.)

@hush - My FIL says, "I slept like a baby. I woke up every two hours screaming and crying." hehe.

[Jessica]

Has anyone else obsessed over the total number of hours of sleep their kids get each day? I've read that 3-6 month olds should be getting 14-15 total hours per day. I have been counting and counting, always worried that if my son gets any less that the right amount of time, he will never sleep well again.

[Cloud]

@Jessica- Yes, and it only brought more craziness. Just remember that those numbers you read are averages. I had Ann Douglas' sleep book, and it had both the "recommended amounts" and the amounts actually reported by parents. The second amounts were larger ranges.

If you or your husband doesn't need a lot of sleep, don't be surprised if you get a kid who needs less than average, too.

My husband doesn't need as much sleep as normal people do. Our oldest daughter takes after him in that regard.

[Melba]

I would raise my hands to all Moxie's points but I'm so freaking tired I can't lift my arms.

Mini Munchkin woke up 5 times last night and was up for the day at 4:00 a.m. I am zombie.

BUT!!!! Right now she is 2.5 hours into a nap! It's a bloody miracle!

Both my babies were/are napless wonders, never wanting more than about 30 minutes. Except for this miraculous occurrence happening today!

[Karen]

The only thing that worked for me when Evie was that age was letting her nap in my arms while I sat still, reading or watching TV. At least I got a mental break and she got the sleep she needed. She started taking longer (45 minutes or more) naps in her crib at about 4.5 months, so it's nice to hear that I was lucky in that!

[regiemino]

I was "lucky" in the sense that my difficult daytime sleeper and my fussiest baby was my third child, so by then, I had quit reading all the books and I knew it was just the way she was. I just chucked her in the baby Bjorn and got on with my day. I'm really glad she wasn't my first. I would have been beside myself.

I totally agree with the nursing to sleep business. To me, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to do, so I did it. A lot of babies would sleep better on their tummies too, I didn't do it, but I know people who do, and I don't judge 'em for it!

[Stephanie Foster]

Uh...yes, we're all in the same soup. For the first three months of my daughter's life she only napped in the Bjorn, with me in the rocking chair. That's 5-6 hours a day of rocking, people. I recently washed the slipcovers and there were grooves worn in from the chair springs, because I rocked around the world in that mofo.

She recently began napping in her crib at 4 months, which I now spend hours a day hanging over, trying to extend her naps with patting, shushing, and wishful thinking. The chair was breaking my back, and this new system is breaking my neck. I just finished a round, and got 34 minutes.

Even everyone's favorite hard-ass Weissbluth concedes that naps don't begin to develop until 12-16 weeks, and that they are often less than an hour in duration until the child is between 4-6 months, and 6-9 months in babies who are post-colic. We're not all idiots - this is just how things are!!

[Melba]

Another data point... my first (now 2.75 y.o.) didn't sleep more than 30-45 minutes until she was down to 1 nap a day, and then suddenly it was 2 hours. I figured that out when she was 9 months old, and so against all the "advice" out there that kids need 2 naps until 18 months, I dropped her morning nap. She was a bear by noon but I'm telling you, it was worth it for the 2 hour break. She did fine for the rest of the day after her nap and still slept fine at night. After a few weeks she was used to it and wasn't a bear by noon anymore. So if any of you have a baby about that age, might be worth a try to drop a nap early!

[Beth]

I was just waving my arms around like a crazy person!

Although I have two suggestions that worked wonders for us until 4 months or so when he started napping in his crib:

Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Nap Solution she discusses the micro nap and how to get them past it. No joke in 2 days, my kid was taking 3, 2 hour naps a day... in his bouncy seat.

That's the second thing, WHEREVER you can get the kid to nap; do it. Once they are on a schedule, it's easy to swaddle and stick in a crib. But until then? Swing, bouncy seat, car seat, pile of pillows on the floor, whatever works DO IT. My kid napped in his bouncy seat from 5 weeks to 4 months because it was the only thing that worked. It and still took a careful sllliiiidddee into the bouncy seat to get him to sleep without waking, and occasional bouncing to make sure he stayed asleep.

BUT. They do nap eventually. It's true.

[Jen]

I can't tell you the number of times I nearly peed my pants with my first because she was asleep on me and I refused to get up and go for fear of waking her.

[heather]

I remember my newborn (can't remember exactly how old, but definitely less than 3 months) taking ONE 30-minute nap each morning...and that was IT for the day. It sucked until I realized that she will sleep when she's tired, period. So I went about my day, making sure to leave periods of quiet time in case she wanted to sleep (she never did).

And now she's 3 years old and I'm wishing all over again that she'd nap!

[Charisse]

@Beth, lol, with all due respect no they don't, not all of them - but it really is OK.

@Jessica, those total sleep numbers always got me terribly riled up too. Mouse didn't sleep 14 hours a day as a brand new newborn and never started doing it. She was a micro napper, and happy with much less sleep than most of her friends. Cloud and Caramama and I have talked about it a lot because we have similar kiddos in this respect. Despite the usual bouts with regressions and night waking, the very worst sleep problem we ever had with Mouse was when she got into sleeping 1 1/2 hour naps at daycare when she was about 2 1/2 (she had given up home naps before that) and it became utterly impossible to get her to bed before 11. Then she'd be tired and fall asleep at naptime the next day, lather, rinse, repeat. Nightmare. I cursed the pro-nap culture for months until I convinced the teachers to wake her after 20 minutes.

So, anyway, she's now about to turn 6, goes to bed later than most of her friends by a couple hours and gets up about 1 hour later. She'll no more sleep in a car than fly to the moon. (I really did think she'd bonk this past xmas when we got a late start driving to grandma's and didn't arrive until midnight. But no.) And it definitely has advantages - we've been able to plan longer days and outings than most people with babies/kids the same age, and she also isn't very sleep-sensitive. If she misses an hour or two of sleep she really takes it in stride. On that trip to Grandma's in LA we went to Disneyland and she did just fine staying for the fireworks and an 11pm ride on Space Mountain. Got her to bed before 1 (again not so much with the bonking in the car despite the hour), she slept in until 9:30 the next day and was completely fine. Now...don't *feed* my child and you have a major problem though.

Where'd she get it? Guilty as charged. My mom swears she doesn't remember me napping, ever. Mr. C either - he remembers lying awake on his preschool mat for hours, bored out of his mind. So you know, weirdos are out here. I do regret listening to the books and spending the first few months of Mouse's life trying everything to get her to sleep more when it really wasn't what she needed. Penelope Leach was the ONLY book that didn't just say that every baby always benefits from more sleep. So just a shout-out to the parents dealing with a wakeful kid. There's nothing wrong with either of you.

[juliejaw11]

Maybe we just got really lucky but my daughter is ready for a nap EXACTLY 90 minutes after she wakes up. We note the time she wakes up and 85 minutes later (regardless of her showing signs of being tired), we swaddle her, rock her for about 2-3 minutes and WHAM, she is out like a light and sleeps anywhere from 40-90 minutes.

I found this technique in a book called '90-minute sleep'. I was completely skeptical because my son was the worst sleeper ever, but it truly has made our sleep schedule manageable and predictable. I would give it a try even if your son fights it the first few times. We've been doing it ever since my daughter was about 1 month old and she is almost 5 months now....works like a charm.

[Beth]

Yeah Moxie! What an excellent, typically-Moxie type of answer. Thank you! This is why we all come here.

Keep up the great work. Moxie - you are more appreciated by more people than you probably imagine.

[caramama]

@Charisse - One day last week, my daughter didn't get to bed until later than usual and was up early because something woke her (I was up with the baby, and she heard us and then it was all over). I was so afraid that she would be so tired that she'd take a nap at pre-school. When I picked her up that day, she looked full of energy and fine, so I asked the teacher if she'd had a nap (it has happened a handful of times when she was really tired). She said no. I said, "Thank God! Am I the only parent who is glad when my kid doesn't take a nap?" The teacher said yes, with a laugh. Hubby and I have both explained the situation with the teachers, so they understand. Some kids--a very few--actually do better without a nap!

[MLB]

Ok - here's where I duck after posting, but here goes:

At least one of my three napped on their stomach. It was on a blanket on the floor and I would sit right next to him, but he would take monster naps that way. I NEVER would have done this if I had not been sitting right by him, but it worked for him. And just to repeat, I am NOT suggesting putting babies to sleep on their stomachs unmonitored, but I was comfortable doing it given that I was sitting about a foot away, he was facing me, etc.

[Cloud]

@Charisse- YES.

I think that the perfect nap for my 3 year old is about 20-30 minutes, best taken in a stroller so that the wake up is natural (i.e., we stop moving).

But I have NO idea how to translate this to day care, so I just keep trying to see the bright side of her needing me to spend 30-45 minutes in bed with her every night before she can go to sleep.

We have tried moving her bedtime ever so slightly later, and that has helped a bit.

[meggiemoo]

@MLB...both of my children slept on their bellies as babies (or on me), and my 1-year-old still does. The 4-year-old sleeps either way now. My kids are both wakeful, don't need as much sleep as the average, very alert, hate to miss anything, difficult to transition to sleep kids.

With my first, I tried everything to get him to sleep on his back. He would not. So I did some research on the whole SIDs thing, realized that we had basically none of the risk factors for it, and went for it. His sleep was still not great, but at least it was something.

With my 2nd, I started her out on her back and quickly realized she was like her brother. So onto her belly she went. Again, she's not a great sleeper, but on her back, she doesn't sleep at all.

I know the Back to Sleep campaign has been helpful in preventing SIDs for babies, but I also think there are exceptions to everything. I don't feel badly about it...I just learned not to broadcast the fact.

[wendy]

Thank you Moxie! I wish I read this when I started stressing about my son's short naps at 2.5 months. Now at 4.5 months, he is still taking short naps, but will occasionally take a 1+ hour nap. He just does not have a pattern, and I'm learning to let go and just wait it out.

@Jessica - yes, I obsess over the total hours of sleep he gets! It is less than the recommended, but he always seems to hit about 13 hours total no matter what I do.

@MLB and meggiemoo - my son is also a tummy sleeper. He just falls asleep a lot better this way. We use the Angelcare monitor to make us feel a bit better about it.

[Melba]

@Jessica - I don't obsess about the total hours of sleep either of my kids get... I obsess abou tthe hours of sleep I get!

@MLB, meggiemoo, wendy - I totally get the whole tummy sleep thing. Mini Munchkin doesn't sleep on her back either. I use foam wedge block things (that you can buy in any baby store) and put her on her side. I've tried her tummy but her side seems to be most comfy for her. So instead of having the telltale bald spot on the back of her head, she has one on each side instead! I say Back to Sleep If and only If your kid will actually Sleep. If not, do what's best for baby and family, keeping risks in mind and making informed decisions. I judge not.

[caramama]

@MLB, meggiemoo, wendy, Melba - I hear ya... but... Even when my kids were in the worst of the sleepless nights, I still started them on their backs. I guess I figure part of the reason the incidents of SIDS has gone down is because babies don't sleep as well on their backs. I'd rather them constantly wake me up than to stay up worrying about SIDS. That said, the minute they could roll over themselves in their sleep, I wanted to throw a party! Both of mine sleep better on their tummies, and as soon as they could handle the rolling over, I would put them down on their sides to sleep.

[Lisa]

OP here!

@Moxie: Thankyou thankyou thankyou. Wise and reassuring as ever. And, y'know, I'm sure my napless wonder will get over the fact that he isn't a special little snowflake but just like all the other non-napping babies.

@Everyone: I have found my people! My "one more lap around the park in case it makes him sleep for ten more minutes", "Is it possible to wear out a Baby Bjorn?", "Does this baby have a 'sleep' button somewhere I don't know about?" people!

On the subject of nursing to sleep, I am totally not opposed to it - it's how he often gets to sleep at night or after night wakings. However, for some reason he tends not to fall asleep on the breast during the day, or if he does, his eyes pop open the second he comes off ("Entertain me now, minion!"). Babies, they are weird and unpredictable.

And yes, there's a strong element of "need time for *me*" to my frustration as well as wanting him to get enough sleep. On the days that he does a big nap at home, I feel so much less frazzled by the end of the day. Oh well, roll on 4/5 months, or 6 months, or ...

[meggiemoo]

@caramama, I know what you're saying, and I certainly felt better once they could roll over. But when I say they couldn't sleep on their backs, I'm not exaggerating. It's not that they slept worse, they just didn't sleep. At all. Swaddling didn't help, foam positioners didn't help, we tried a hammock bed, cosleeping, the swing, the carseat, the bouncy chair. It had to be the belly or nothing.

Interestingly enough, prior to the Back to Sleep campaign, the recommendation was for *all* babies to sleep on their bellies, so that if they spit up in the night, they wouldn't aspirate it into their lungs.

[scharkey]

This stage (with my #1) is about the time I found out about the "Eat, Play, Sleep" cycle (no ref - found somewhere on the internet). I would feed her when she woke up, she would play and then I would put her down for a nap. Rinse, repeat. Eventually her naps got longer. Good luck!

[caramama]

@meggiemoo - I totally understand and was not at all trying to indicate that you did anything wrong. I am a true believer in "you know your child best" and you do what you have to do to get your child sleep. In fact, I went through many nights holding a baby because they would. not. sleep. lying down. In fact, I did try putting my second down for a couple naps on his stomach before he could roll over, but it didn't help him any at the time.

There are absolutely exceptions to everything--I totally agree! I just wanted to remind everyone the reasons behind the Back to Sleep campaign. Anyone who has looked into the risk factors for SIDS and determined that their baby is low risk and needs to sleep on their stomach, I totally support that. We all have to figure out what works for each of us.

[G'smum]

I just love reading this every day. Like others have expressed, it is so good to have you all to "talk" with.

[meggiemoo]

@Caramama...of course! I didn't take it that way, don't worry. Everyone has to parent the way he/she feels comfortable doing.

[MLB]

@caramama - I totally agree about starting them on their backs. To be honest I never would have put them to sleep for the night or unattended at all on their tummies before they could get that way themselves, just because I was personally too nervous. My husband pointed out when we were getting everything ready for our first and planning to use the bassinet that I used as a baby that the old bassinet mattress was SO much softer than the new crib mattress we had bought. He wondered if that plus new rules on bedding was more responsible for the SIDS decline than anything else.

[caramama]

@MLB - That's an interesting point. I've also heard that people think removing the extra stuff (blankets, pillows, bumpers, etc.) from the crib has been the most likely factor in the SIDS decline. I'm not sure we'll ever know what was the key factor, and maybe it's all of them together that is really doing it. I find it interesting to think about, though.

As for soft mattresses, we thought that might be why my daughter had such issues sleeping, so we bought a softer one to keep at my mom's house for her daily "naps." It didn't help her. But we decided to use that softer mattress for my son in the crib he now sleeps in every night. I really think it has helped him! I still can't believe that I bought an expensive mattress that was as hard as a slab of concrete as a first-time mom! The things we figure out as time goes on, am I right?

[Katy]

No time to read the comments, but I wanted to add my two cents since my youngest just turned 4 months so I'm very familiar with this age.

Up until recently, she was very unpredictable and just kind of slept off and on throughout the day, generally not for terribly long at a time, and always wanted to eat upon waking - talk about hard to plan anything! And I also have a 4 year old and a 2 year old who have stuff going on, so it was quite tricky.

But in the past few weeks, as she got to 4 months, she has started to take a somewhat regular morning nap for maybe an hour, and a less predictable afternoon nap for sometimes 2 to 3 hours - nearly all in her swing in the dining room, as she's not too interested in napping in the crib yet. (And it's actually easier for me to have her on the main floor with me and the boys rather than upstairs.) She seems to have an instinct to self-soothe, so that probably helps (and I know many babies don't seem to, like my oldest), but I mention it to say that the 3-month-old sleep issues often change/alleviate as they get to 4 and 5 months.

My oldest was a terrible napper, and I finally got him to start napping well when I moved his swing (a papasan style one where the baby lays pretty far back) into his room, darkened the room with shades/blankets, and used a noise machine. With this setup, my "bad napper" could be put down awake in the swing and would sleep for 2 hours. The memory is fading, but I think he did this from about 4 months to 7 months - I don't even remember how we transitioned but eventually he did learn to nap in his crib, though never all that willingly.

Hope your son starts to move into a better napping phase soon!

[Creatingbalance]

I haven't finished reading all the comments yet but its been very good for my spirit to see how far we've come and give me pers
pective about our current sleep woes. DS was a 45 minute napper and for awhile he'd be up for 90 min. and nap though out the day. I got used to doing things in that time frame and life went on, what was hard when he went to 2,3,5 schedule but he did an around 8 mths started to sleep 1.5 hours exactly on the dot and I can still hear when he wakes up during his nap at the 45 minute mark but can roll over and put himself to sleep. That happened organically for us we sleep trained starting at 10 mths and it did nothing to improve or make his naps worse.

I feel for you OP and honestly the thought of doing this again freaks me out so we might be a one child family but it does get better and trusting that your doing everything you can for your child is important. I spend lots of money on books that didn't help and time gleeming the internet looking for a situation *just like ours*. I hope this passes for you soon.
And FWIW my guy loved A. napping on me(who wouldn't) B. Bouncer with vibrator till about 4mths and C. a Moby or stroller nap.

[kate]

I'd go with a routine that involves: wake in the morning, feed, play, feed at 10am-wrap-bed, wake, (lunchy something) play, feed at 1/2pm-wrap-bed, wake etc etc. Capitalise on the fact that he can be fed to sleep, and always use the wrap (and later a sleeping bag) as a consistent sleep cue.

[Shane]

Oh, Lisa, I have so been there. Swaddling helped me because once my daughter stopped screaming her head off (as she was being rocked, bounced, sung to, and otherwise soothed in every possible manner) and fell into an exhausted sleep, she would not wake when put in her crib because she still felt warm and snuggled. But she would only nap for 45 minutes. Hello! We were doing 4 naps a day until she was 6 months. Now at 6 1/2 months she has finally started napping 60-90 minutes. Just in the last 10 days. Shh! I do not want to jinx it. Oh, and I gave up swaddling at 6 months too. It didn't seem to help her sleep longer, and she was able to sleep without being held by then.

[hedra]

Oh, God, I'm so glad I'm past that...

Phew. Ditto the reminders on my comments in the past (re-ditto?) on getting your sleep, more than worrying about baby naps. I definitely could roll with a lot more on full sleep.

And the MIL comment, Moxie... oh, the number of times I could have KILLED my mom because I showed up to pick up kids she'd been watching, and she said 'oh, so and so is still down for a nap - they've been asleep for 3 hours.' UH. 1) they never sleep that long, are you SURE? (yes), and 2) Now night sleep and day sleep for the next three days are going to be merry heck. Thanks! I eventually told her not to let them sleep more than 2 hours even if they seemed really tired. And never after 3 PM, thanks! Though eventually my kids spent enough time at her house that they started sleeping for her like they sleep for us. Including climbing into her bed, 'sleeping like a helicopter' (aka getting kicked in the head at 2 AM), and sleep walking. HA!

I probably shouldn't feel gleeful about that, though.

We used the swings a lot, slings a lot, and most naps were on us (literally on top of us in a recliner) for about the first two years. Even nannies didn't manage to get the kids to sleep on their own for naps, much. I recall walking into the living room and seeing Nanny S trapped on the floor with one baby flopped across her leg, the other against her shoulder. She had been trapped for 20 minutes, unable to move...

We tended to take advantage of the 'will only nap skin-to-skin on a parent' thing. We got maybe one good nap a day at most, and by good I mean 'long enough I could doze off'. Strangely, I think having me asleep under them kept them asleep longer. Or ep, for that matter. We used to fight over who got to be trapped by the baby today... ("You got to be trapped by the baby LAST Saturday, it's MY turn!") - and of course, the trapped person got waited on (iced tea? change the tv channel for you? snack? don't move, might wake him, I'll get it!).

Fortunately, my kids also tended to signal nap interest pretty clearly, and usually did have some nap tendency. Just not early on. Early on was swing naps. After 6 months, it was much more fun/useful, and naps were longer, and with one child (Mr B, 'the good sleeper' of the lot) he would put himself down for naps - crawl over to the mat, lie down, snooze. You could drop a book on your foot (scream, that is) and not wake him. Ahhh.. that was just proof that it was all individual, and nothing to do with what *I* did or didn't do.

[hedra]

Ah, the flashbacks...

I'd forgotten about the twins napping at daycare thing. Or not napping. Daycare provider had ONE other child. Had 18 years of experience. Had succeeded in getting both my older kids to nap. She had never failed to get a child to nap in 18 years of home daycare (usually 6 or more kids at a go).

Total FAIL on the twins. Through 9 months, she couldn't get them to nap more than 10-15 minutes at a go, lightly, in an 11 hour day. She tried separate rooms, even. Nope.

They started napping after about 9 months (about 3 weeks after I got laid off, I think). So there's still hope later, even if there's No Sign Of Hope earlier.

[hedra]

@Lisa, on the nursing to sleep, one of the twins would stay asleep after nursing down if I held her jaw closed (fingertip under her chin) for a couple seconds right after she unlatched. (I think that was a Pantley trick.)

[G A Tubo]

My hands are waving wildly in the air. I so wish I had Moxie's POV when my now 6 yo ds was an infant who would go to sleep only when nursing or moving (thus being held or propped somewhat upright--much, much later we discovered he has "silent reflux.") who could not stay asleep. He nursed to sleep until 2.5 yo, slept in his crib not more than 7 nights ever, and woke me up most nights until 3 yo. But eventually he transformed into a solid sleeper and is now easy-peasy at bedtime (well, once vitamins & toothbrushing are accomplished) and my 33 mo 2nd born son who was an AWESOME baby sleeper is now the one keeping himself awake during naptime and then crankily resisting nighttime sleep as well. "Keep sanity intact" is my mantra and guiding light these days, not the multitude of books I desperately sought comfort in when my first born was little.

[juliag]

I sat and read and ate and continuously bounced on an exercise ball with baby in the sling and he was tricked into thinking that I was walking around with him for hours. Not perfectly ideal. But I could do computer stuff (i.e. surf the net about how to get baby to sleep better). Good luck ;)

[Megan Hillegass]

You just described my first-born. Except he didn't nap for more than 45 minutes at a time until he was a year old. I wish I could have read this 5 years ago, it would have saved a lot of banging my head against the wall. He gave up the nap completely by the time he turned 3 - but he always was, and continues to be, a GREAT nighttime sleeper!

[Kim]

Incredibly well put, Moxie. (Like others have said, I, too, don't have enough hands.)

[Natalie Grunau]

I also say thanks. I'm typing this with my 3 months, 3 weeks old baby boy on my lap. He will only nap for more than 15-30 minutes if he's being held. Everyone in my life and readers of my blog have had to deal with his sleep problems and my feelings of guilt for being a bad mother for not being able to teach him to sleep. I feel much better having read this and all the comments :)

[meli]

I also want to say thanks. I have recently found this website. Reading this entry and all of the comments help my sanity. I', a first time mom with a 10-weeks old, who until last week, naps very well (about 1.5 - hours each nap) and sleeps well at night (about 3-4 hours stretch). All of the sudden, she decides that she no longer likes sleeping. She would only sleep at most 45 mins during day time and 2 hours at night. I'm so frustrated and worry her new sleeping habit would delay her development. I was obsessed with getting her to sleep. This article really opens my eyes that I should relax and enjoy more awake time with my baby instead of being frustrated.

[alyce]

sounds like the story of my daughter. fortunately, you see that it is also the story of many other moms. hopefully that helps ease your mind. i know that at 11 weeks the sleep exhaustion and nap time/night time life-with-baby stuff is still very fresh and being worked out. i will say, that at 8 months, those torturous days seem far away.

hang in there and if you possibly can, try and work within the constraints of your kiddo. you seem to already realize that what works best is to walk him around in the wrap. i too found it EXHAUSTING that my daughter would ONLY sleep like that and needed me to be moving the whole time. but, i found beautiful walks near my house to go on, and since the post office, grocery store, and other places are within walking distance to me, i just planned my errands to coincide with her need to be walked around for the naps. that way, the naps were at least stimulating for me and kept my spirits up.

soon enough i was able to walk for only the first 15 minutes or so of her nap and then she would let me sit or lay down with her still in the wrap. i took this opportunity to read , watch movies, rest.

then she learned to nurse herself to sleep. she started not to need the wrap as much. i could nurse her to sleep, but she would only stay asleep if i left her ON me. still, i was able to read and watch movies or nap. eventually, she was able to lay NEXT to me, but still required me touching her. and then at around 5 months or so was able to finally take naps by herself. at first she could only do short naps (45 mins max) alone. but now she can nap as long as she needs all by herself.

with patience, i went with what she needed. of course, i have a long maternity leave so i was afforded the luxury of doing things this way. i say, if you have the time, dont rush him. in a few short weeks we will be exactly where you want him to be, or at least you will have different expectations and be able to adapt to them. with teething, growth spurts, the rare cold, etc. they will still be able to throw you for a loop. and soon enough he will likely start messing with his night time sleep too. it helped me the most to realize i just need to go with the flow, and she will get there eventually.

best wishes.

[Shafi]

I'm a horrible napepr too... I had to learn when I was a SAHM. A few things I did:stay in pajamas until midday and don't shower (staying in "bedtime" mode)room darkening shades in your roomas SOON as the baby is down, lay down in your room. if you are watching the baby fall asleep on the monitor, put it at an angle where you can lay there and watch and close your eyes as soon as you're sure the baby is asleepkeep the temp in your room cool and use cuddly blanketsit'll get better as the baby gets older and sleeps for longer stretches of time. good luck!!

[Siska]

Oh how important the daily naps are to the home's fuanniotclity. For me, when kids are still in the naps are necessary' stage, 2 naps a day are required. When they're preschool age, one good nap will do, for at least an hour, preferably two; for child and parent!!!I know that besides housework, I used their nap times to catch up on my own rest. I never would have survived without my naps.Great post, visiting from Mama Kats.

[Nirmal]

My three and a half year old refuses to nap. Some days she will fall aselep for about two hours. On the days she doesn't fall aselep, she ends up falling aselep that afternoon the second we get into the car, or in a shopping cart. The girl passes out in two seconds! It's really weird. Hubby thinks she may be a narco. I think most kids don't need naps at around 4 but still need a set down tim. Most schools won't give naps starting in kindergarten but continue to offer a rest or nap time even in pre-K 4. That's the rule of thumb I follow.

[Mena]

My son's school stops haivng the kids nap between 4 and 4 1/2 years of age in order to get them ready for kindergarten which is all day. Trust me, there are days I wish he would take a nap as well or at least have an hour or quiet time..wishful thinking with a 5 year old.

[Uargas]

Ringo, I like reading naps'. That is when I am crleud up in my lounge chair with a fleece blanket and a good book. If I close my eyes to rest them sometimes I fall asleep for a little while, then wake up and read some more.Guess what! Tell Flash I have now read EVERY SINGLE ONE of the books he and his friends have recommended. I just finished Villain School , and will return it to the library tomorrow or Wednesday. I was not sure whether I liked those villains or not. Sometimes some of them seemed almost nice. I did like the ending. It surprised me, and I like for books to surprise me.

[Derya]

That's how I thought of it at first too- but the thing is, she HATES dpeiars now. It's a fight to get her to wear them when we're out (she still uses the Dora potty seat at home so she won't use the toilets in public yet) and also at bedtime. The only reason I let her do naptime is because they told me at daycare that she had been dry for a week or more during naps- I was like WHAT??? Seriously?(I tried to get her to go today without the Dora seat on the toilet but she was PANICKED and wouldn't let go of me. Baby steps, I guess! heh)I think the Potty Game During Naptime will wear off soon. I was able to get her to take a nap today by some miracle! I started the process about an hour sooner and she fought it for a while, but I eventually made her lay in her bed with Elmo on and she conked out by 2:30- and is still sleeping at 4:30!