Not dead

Just work trip, then avalanche of catching up, then (and now) sinus/headcold/missing neti pot/misery. Can't think well for love or money.

Questions:

1. What one thing, if removed from your life, would make parenting more fun for you?

2. What one thing, if added to your life, would make parenting more fun for you?

Answer in the comments, please, and editorialize at will about any current issues you're experiencing.

My answers:

1. Little League

2. Realistically: a washer and dryer in my building. Unrealistically: a household manager in the style of Tony from "Who's the Boss?".

Comments

[snickollet]

@Marci: Thanks :). I'm always reading, rarely commenting.

[Rudyinparis]

Totally what Another Kate said:

1. Remove financial strain
2. Add a day to the weekend.

[Jessie]

1. My job
2. Money.. boatloads of money.

Why? Are you playing fairy?!
It's amazing how many people said nightwakings.. it'd be an interesting tally.

[Jenny]

1. Remove the not-listening that makes me repeat myself fifty times a week. (I'm sure this is a Parenting Issue, but still.)
2. Add close friends in town. This has been an ongoing thing with me. I've taken steps but I guess not enough, or it takes time, or some such.

[marci]

@eep - thanks. i'm from a really small town & my mama's been keeping him, so i have few experiences to draw on & it's all overwhelming. i just want it all done - moving, job, daycare, all decided & past.

[Tex]

1. the computer. fo' real. I find myself reading blogs and news and stuff rather than engaging with my children.

2. a housekeeper.

[hush]

1. Remove at least one child's bottles and nightwakings (unfortch these seem to be necessary for both of my 2 children under 3 at this time and it is killing me!!!)

2. Friends here who are generous, fun, and who actually call me/back and follow through with plans.

[Jan]

1. Mealtimes, without a doubt.
2. An extra hour in every day that ONLY I HAVE and that nobody else knows about.

[parisienne mais presque]

1. Potty training.

And the pressure to make SOME FREAKING PROGRESS with it or else my son won't be accepted into public nursery school in September. I know it is still only April, but he's turning three in July and I feel like a failure for not yet figuring out how to help things along.

2. A bigger apartment

In the meantime, I've accepted having a kid's room full of half of our books and a living room full of half of my son's toys, but man, I'd love to have a space big enough to organize rationally.

[Lubna]

1. Remove my neat freak tendencies.
2. Add a third arm.

[motherdaughter]

1. Bedtime. Dreaded. Going on 2 years of extended bedtime rituals and eyes finally shut at 10pm earliest, often 11pm+

2. An apartment with proper rooms, not open plan (cf. above).

[marian]

1. Naps and naptime and anything associated with naps

2. My clone so I can spend some quality time one on one every day with each of my little bunnies

[maria]

I'm really sad that we all are in such need of good friends.

[Charisse]

@motherdaughter, how old is the little night owl & does she still nap? (I have one, now 6. Not saying I have a magic bullet - I don't - but feel free to ping me for commiseration or ways to make peace with it.)

[daniko]

I don't know what I want to get rid of (maybe 3.5yr old's clinginess?) but I was thinking the other day How I wish I could freeze time like that girl on Out of This World. Just put my fingers together and I could do everthing plus sleep. Now I have to choose between the two.

[AmyinMotown]

1). My own ADD-ishness, which can make it really hard to engage with and enjoy my kids. My brain is always changing the channel and that makes it tough to really savor these moments.
1a) My dislike of playing at the park.

2) Patience
2a) A decent night's sleep without kids or snoring husband awakening me.
2b) A large infusion of cash and/or big new client.

[Jennifer Greene]

1. guilt
2. more exercise for me

[Ashlee]

1) Remove: My job. I'm working full time at a job I hate, but starting a photography business I love. Can. Not. Wait. for the day photography will pay my bills and I can quit the hated job. In the meantime, I'm working full time at both, plus caring full time for my son during the day. Removing the job would grant me so much more time in my day to be a better parent.

2) Add: Washer and dryer

2a: Ditto Catherine, omgah, Ditto.

Give DH the ability to take on a household task that is not optional (e.g., mow the lawn, vacuum) but necessary (e.g., groceries, pay bills, laundry). Having all the "if it doesn't get done, very bad things happen" tasks on my shoulders is getting very old.

[Emily]

1. Massive whining/crying fits over something not going the way we never knew he was expecting. Despite the no-whining rule. Also, cajoling.

2. Confidence that the crazy stuff I put my kids through (dragging them halfway around the world for my work to places where we seem very strange and are far from our communities) isn't going to mess them up in the long term.

[Maz]

1. Night wakings!!!!

2. Someone to watch my baby every morning for 1.5 hours so I can complete my yoga session and know that I am going to get to!!

[Lisa]

@Alice, I feel the same way: love to cook, but daughter doesn't like my cooking creativity, or even when I think she will, she doesn't. I miss cooking with flair.

[Koshercow]

@maria and lots of others. I also am struck by how many people said "friends"/ or good friends nearby. And someone else said, friends who actually call back and follow through on plans. YES!

And I thought it was just me.

We need a post about this or some kind of rant...

[CrazyMama]

1. My now-not-peeing-the-bed 2.5 year old is now up 1 or 2x a night to go pee and must have me go with him. ARRGGG.

2. One of those little monkey helpers for these late night pee trips.

[TB]

1. housework/the daily dinner grind

2. cheaper babysitting options! and/or more $$ for more days of preschool...

Right now we're paying more than we can actually afford for two days a week of full-day language immersion preschool and it's so incredibly awesome, I dream about 5 days a week. Luckily that's what we'll get next year, with Kindergarten!

Housework/cooking will still loom daily, I just wish I could figure out a better system for getting it done. I do well for a while and then either the house starts to look ratty and cluttered or we lag on groceries and start eating out a lot, or both, and it makes me feel like a Bad Mom.

[TB]

Maz, do you have a YMCA near you or other gym with childcare? Our Y takes kidlets as young as 6 months. They also have yoga classes where you can bring your younger-than-6-month-old. It's very nice.

[TB]

motherdaughter, I would also be happy to brainstorm sleep solutions with you. I have a formerly VERY BAD SLEEPING child who is now a dream sleeper. I am not saying that this is all due to my intervention, but I've been down many roads wrt sleep and read many books and all that, and if nothing else I can provide commiseration and the promise that It WILL Get Better.

[em]

Another remove nightwakings!

And another add money... just enough to get rid of debt and be able to pay bills on time...

[TB]

Parisienne...

We are moving to Paris next year and I do worry about the space issue. Can I ask how many sq meters you are in? How many would make you happy?

[bpb]

1. clutter (why didn't i tackle all these projects before motherhood???)
2. baby #2 (fingers crossed)

[Meg]

Well, it sucks that so many of us seem to need a good friend or two, but at least now I feel like I'm not a weirdo. Needing more time just edged out the needing a friend for me.

[Tor]

1. Lack of sleep (2 yr olds and mine)
2. Family or close friends nearby.

[Anon]

1. My internet addiction

2. The ability to require only 6 instead of 8+ hours of sleep per night. (Would also accept 27 hour days.)

[Mom in France]

1. Recalcitrant three-year old (where is my fun, agreeable Boo?)
2. Coordinated meal times/bed times for the boys - at a reasonable hour.

[Dr. Confused]

1. (a) My 2-year-old's resistance to moving to her own bed,
(b) My various and sundry mental health problems, especially my ADD.

2. £600,000 (approximately $1,000,000) That's enough to sustain our current modest lifestyle indefinitely without either of us having to work.

2 more realistic: Good friends in town, especially if they had kids and were willing to do a regular babysitting exchange.

[parisienne mais presque]

@TB - we have 62 square meters (approx. 620 square feet) with two bedrooms, which is generous by Parisian standards. But we also have seven (!) bookcases of double-shelved books and CDs, and a floor loom. And an almost three-year-old. And a packed basement storage unit that I shudder to think about. So it is tight.

100+ square meters is what I dream of, but that definitely means moving further outside of Paris. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, since I'm finding that after seven years the whole urban living thing is getting a bit old. But it means moving away from my in-laws, who are a very important part of my parenting support system and who currently live 5 minutes away from us. Sigh...

[Kate]

@ parisienne, wow! Tiny!

We are in 107 sq meters now and finding it smallish (also due to layout and the kitchen space being completely insufficient for a kosher lifestyle--2 sets of everything) compared to what we had in NY. Israeli-born Israelis, we've noticed, tend to have far less "stuff," but my husband and I were only willing to part with a certain percentage of books.

[thebigmeow]

Wow, I feel like I have it so easy!

I pay my mum (who is an enjo consulant) $50 for two hours of cleaning. She is supposed to come every week, but lately its been every two or three weeks.

Today we finalised the loan to buy our new car. Finally, I will have a decent car that wont break down on me every few months when I have a child in the back! I'm very excited - it is a Hyundai i30 wagon. *does a little dance*

My husband is in the process of closing down his business and he is working for another small company so our money is looking good for now (we wouldn't be able to afford the new car on his old salary). Will have to wait a few months to see how permanent it is.

Unrealistically:
1) REMOVE My son is ASD. Life with Autism is so damn hard - on everybody. Just the driving around to therapy is hard, not to mention the day-to-day stuff that doesn't work as easily as it should.
2) ADD More time. I would love more time to play with my boys, exercise, read, the usual.

Cheers!

[sara]

1. Sleeping issues (we're working on it);
2. My mother nearby, enough money to hire a super-nanny, or a moving to a beautiful cul-de-sac with all my friends who have kids next door where we can trade off "services"!

[paola]

Ok time to be serious:

1. REMOVE - Hubby's job uncertainty. Either he finds a new job (which is practically impossible considering the work climate at the moment) or his company 's bottom line has to improve. Like out of sight, which is equally improbable.

2. ADD - Kids need to spend more time with their dad. As a result of the above, dad is at work far too much and when home spending too much time on the internet looking for a job.

Re, the friend thing. Me too!! On park days I come home just a little bit sad 'cos I realise that there is no one there who is remotely similar to me. I'm not looking for a photocopy of myself, but someone with 'similar' thoughts on parenting, or political views. Instead I get a playground full of pregnant smokers, mums who encourage their kids to smack each other on the head, or use at least one swear word per sentence. I find i am more and more drawn to grandmothers whose old style parenting is similar to my own.

[Slim]

For those of you whose partners are not pulling their weight (I refuse to say "help" -- how does one help around one's own damn house?):

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/issuecartoons/2010/04/26/cartoons_20100419#slide=7

My peerless spouse used to start doing whatever I was doing. He thought the fact that I was doing it meant it needed to be done. I pointed out that the fact I was doing it meant it was getting done.

Anyway:
(1) My need for sleep.
(2) A dog, because it would make us all happier.

[MrsHaley]

REMOVE: The distance between the Moxites so we could help each other with all this stuff ...

ADD: Moxieville! Wouldn't it be nice to move to Moxieville so we could all be friends, Moxie could use my washer & dryer and everybody could get a safe babysitter whenever we needed one?!?!

[parisienne mais presque]

@Kate - one redeeming feature of our place is a generous kitchen. I think it is probably even big enough to keep two sets of everything. But I can see why bulk retailers like Costco haven't caught on in Europe -- what the heck would we do with six months worth of canned tomatoes, or a 12-pack of rolls of paper towels?

Bringing over most of the books was non-negotiable for us, too. And my husband buys new books and CDs with no restraint whatsoever, alas. I can be all smug about it because I've recently discovered the municipal library, hee hee.

@paola, and everyone else whose commented on how hard it to make friends. Yes. Me too. I know I'm surrounded by moms, in my building, in the park, but I never manage to exchange more than two words with anyone. Maybe it'll get easier when my son starts school next year (which brings me back to potty training, *shudder*).

Or else we'll just have to start up some sort of mommy speed-dating service? "Find your match in 15 minutes! Less time than it takes to herd your toddler to the car most mornings!"

[Meg]

@ Mrs. Haley... Yes, yes, yes!
@ parisienne mais presque... "mommy speed-dating"? Genius!!

[Catherine]

You know, paradoxically enough, hearing others wish that they had local close friends somehow makes me feel better. I hear so much about the importance of having these close friends, of getting together with them regularly ("girls night out" and whatnot) that it's begun to make me feel like a failure for NOT having them.

Thank you, fellow Moxites, for once again reminding me that even though it may suck, it's probably perfectly normal!

[K]

1.) Homework (he's in pre-K, and he has freaking homework)
2.) Housecleaning services

[Sarah]

To remove? Two days ago I would have said the uncertainty about official word on hubby's tenure review, but we just found out that he got it so we're doing a giant happy dance!!! So now, I will say all the extra crud/crap we have in our house - I am in the mode to majorly purge, but get stymied by where to take all the stuff that is perfectly good, but we just don't need.

To add? More sleep, more time in the day, more friends. I love the mommy speed dating concept, but also need the extra time after job and home stuff to pursue the friendship. So, if anyone is in the greater Allentown, PA area with a toddler, and likes doing outdoor stuff, let me know!

[Mama Fuss]

1. My part-time job. Or toddler tantrums.

2. Realistically: more mommy-friends to keep me from being swallowed by the world of a 2-yr-old. Unrealistically: I'll take Moxie's idea of Tony from "Who's the Boss?"! Brilliant! I'd love to have a clean house without having to do it!

[Susan]

1. Remove: nightly struggle over going to bed. Newly-potty-trained boy now wants to get up and go pee several times before falling asleep. Still in crib, needs help. Taking more than 1 hour to fall asleep.

2. Add: I'd like to say housekeeping, which would be nice. But I'm thinking a lot of money instead.

[hush]

About friends, it seems like everyone feels like they don't have any real ones! Even people I know IRL who I thought were really popular and extroverted and, therefore, had tons of good friends - they, too, have recently told me they are missing deep connections.

It gets old having to be the one who reaches out to people instead of them initiating. If I never called or emailed no one would ever spend any time with me. Oh well - I better get over it, right? ;)

[KatieV]

Remove: in-law irresponsibility issues with money that affect our family in several large ways

Add: free (and good) childcare/nanny from 4:00-6:30 p.m. (post-nap to dinner time).