Echo

I'm sorry. This week has beaten me. It started off so well on my work trip, but then a lot of things happened (good and bad) to mess up my sleep schedule and I've felt like I was struggling through some really, really uncooperative mixture of sand and molasses (treacle) since about Wednesday morning.

And then my URL was up for renewal and I couldn't remember my password to get in and do it and I thought it was going to disappear, and that some ill-intentioned illicit pharma manufacturer was going to grab it and you'd click over here and be offered discount vi@gr* instead of parenting talk.

And then, after I took the door handle off my kids' room so they'd stop locking themselves in and me out, they locked themselves in and me out again this morning.

Really, this is just what I'd like the world to know: I am much more than my current situation. I am so much more than just my children's mother. I love them, and would willingly die for them, but they're not all I am.

Today's topic:

1. What do you want the world to know?

2. What book are you reading, or would you be reading if you had time and an extra hand with which to hold a book? (Me: Triathlons For Women by Sally Edwards, which is a pipe dream because I have 40 non-work child-free hours every two weeks, so no time to train.)

Comments

[G'smum]

I want the world to know that sometimes I think I want to be mostly a SAHM and try to subsist on contract work sometimes from home, which is a 100% reversal from my previous life of high heels (and salaries) and power suits and will disappoint some people in the outside world and maybe even myself a little bit but I think I would be more disappointed if I didn't try this route. And even so I would still be more than only my baby's mother, even if I was mothering most of the time.

I just finished Last Night in Twisted River by John Irving. Excellent escape but a bit heavy (physically) to hold with one hand while nursing.

@M - I am so desirous of your happy mothering life!

@Julie - CONGRATULATIONS! Good for you and welcome to the relief of a good divorce.

@theklamsays - We echo the welcome to Vancouver Whistler - we can't wait for the party to start either!

[the milliner]

Oh yeah! Books.

I wish I was reading something by Alessandro Barrico (Baricco? Barico?). His book 'Ocean Sea' is one of my favorites. So lyrical. Mostly I've been reading parenting-type books. Seems like it's all I have the attention span for right now.

[Susan]

I want the world to know that I am a bit shy but worth getting to know.

I am reading War and Peace. I have been reading that for as long as I can remember. Seriously. What did I read before that?

[Jenny]

I want to know why people are just such followers.

And I am reading CHICK LIT. Cause I can do it in the bath in the 20 minute spurt I am allowed, as Conor walks up and down the stairs appeasing the 3.5 year old high maintenance twin girls who do NOT have "crazy" tights, but super cute tights. (today was crazy sock day and they took offense.)

I am more than this too I just haven't figured out a way, beside you know a night in NYC and vodka, to prove it!

[Eveanyn]

Mox, on kids' door locks.

If it is the type that has a slot on the front of the handle, use a butter knife to turn the slot (like a screwdriver) to pop the lock.

If it is the kind with a tiny hole in the front, use the internal ink cartridge of a Bic type pen or an ice pick to force the lock to pop on the other side by pushing until it clicks.

[thebigmeow]

I want the world to know that I am a Philosopher and for the first time in months I have had enough room in my head to really think; and that I truly believe philosophy can help us live our lives in a better way.

I want the world to know that I think studying public relations is a sell-our, but i'm doing it because it really does look interesting and being employable might not be all that bad...

I just read "no flying in the house" and i'm half-way through The Immortals series by Tamora Pierce. I'm also dawdling my way through "The Return of Sherlock Holmes" by Sir Doyle

[ARC]

I want the World to know I am so extremely grateful that:
1. My 4.5 month old baby is healthy, fat and happy.
2. I had a 20 week maternity leave (that unfortunately ended today)
3. My job is allowing me to work part-time with only 2 days in the office.
4. My hubby is taking on childcare for those 2 days.

It really couldn't have worked out any better and for that I am *super* thankful. I get to work, get paid, and stay at home with my baby all at once. My cup overfloweth.

Sadly, I don't read much anymore - my time is too fragmented, or I'm just too tired. I'm trying to read The BetterPhoto Guide to Digital Photography so that I can kickass with our fancy new camera. Last thing I ready was Jhumpa Lahiri's short story book, Unaccustomed Earth. Let's just say a few of those stories hit uncomfortably close to home and leave it at that.

@Cloud - thanks for the HeLa book reco. I hadn't thought of the idea those were named after someone.

[TB]

What I'd like the world to know is that I'm more than my chatter, which I can't let go of because I'm too scared of silence and my innate (and carefully guarded) shyness. That I really hate glibness even as I fear that I am perceived as annoyingly glib.

I want the world to know that I get it, and yet I'm still socially awkward, because it's really hard for me to find a comfortable way to be social, and yet I push myself ever on, trying.

[paola]

I'm reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel which deserves so much more than what I can give it ( a 5 minute read every couple of days is blasphemous).

I am working a whopping 5 hours a week (!) and am feeling a million bucks. I have a bit of time away from the 3 year old, a bit of time away from the internet ( more importantly) and have enough time left for my running. Oh, have started knitting again too.

[paola]

@caramama and other DC ers

Heard you are having just a liiiiiiittle bit of snow. Hope all is well and everyone is safe.

[Shannon]

World, I only want one kid. I know you have a theory about how many I should have, and how close together, but not having another one right now is the right decision for me.

I'm reading Roses by Leila Meacham, which is a family saga centered around a Texas plantation from 1915 to 1985. (Sort of in the same vein as Gone with the Wind.) I LOVE this book so much!

The Help was my favorite book of 2009.

[parisienne mais presque]

I recently read Suite Française by Irène Némirovsky. Then, almost without catching my breath, I read her biography. I have never felt such a connection with an author before.

I want the world to know that I have something to say, something to WRITE, if I can just get it out. Nothing on the scale of Némirovsky, but something worthwhile anyway, I hope.

[Rebekah]

I'd like the world to know that I would really like to go into labor RIGHT NOW. Not very profound, but 3 days post EDD and it's messing with my head.

Currently reading "The Help". Loving it so far.

[Kelly]

I want the world to know that I am so much better a Mom than you might think. Yes, I yell (too much, maybe, but it is what it is) but just because you can hear the yelling doesn't mean there's no quiet(er) laughing going on even more, and quiet(er) smiles that say "you're a goof" or "I love you" or "I'm proud of you". Yelling is louder than hugs, it's louder than tickles so tickly that they can hardly breath. It's louder than baked cookies and marker-stained fingers and tea parties. It's louder than hours and hours of storytime. And I want the world to know that when I'm looking stressed and tense and frazzled, it's because I do my best to *not* look that way around my boys so they won't worry about Mommy.

Right now I've been reading manga because it's easy and fast and engrossing and there's such a variety and it's free (the unlicensed stuff). I'll be getting Anne of Green Gables in the mail in a few days, so I'll be reading that.

[Kuma]

World: thanks for all the solids you've done me the last year. Can I ask for one more? A job. I am SO ready, willing and able.

Moxie: thanks for the flurry of posts lately despite the difficult time you're going through. Your blog is essential reading.

@theklamsays and @G'smum: I'm in Vancouver too, and also excited!

I recently read What Should I Do With My Life by Po Bronson, which was inspirational. Just started Hitching Rides with Buddha by Will Ferguson.

[Rosie Lucchesini-Jack]

I'm reading The Glass Castle. Hard to believe its a true story. Those children are amazing.

[marci]

reading 'made in the usa', the latest billie letts. did y'all read 'where the heart is'? the movie was ok, but the book had real emotional presence.

i want the world to know that i'm interesting & smart even though i live in the teeniest of towns (200 people and no stop light) and don't have anyone local who would understand most of what i'd want to say, so i don't say it. and i want the world to know how thankful i am that my son is progressing, even if it's slowly, and that prematurity can really really suck.

and i want the world to work on helping me patchwork together a nice part time job and child care this summer when i plan on moving to arlington va. thank you, world!

[Meika]

Dear World,

I'm so much more than your idea (or my idea of your idea?) of a SAHM. So you don't need to politely turn away after that, "And what do you do?" question at the dinner party, because I might just have something interesting to say after all.

Also, world, no, I'm afraid I'm not soooooo happyyyyy to be at home full-time with my kids, as amazing as they are, and I can indeed imagine doing something else; in fact, I can imagine doing many wonderful something elses that make me grin and get happy-antsy just thinking about it. I'm really am very thankful that my being at home doesn't make us financially insolvent, though.

And on that note, world, I know that my resume is kind of weird. Some experiences just don't transfer well to paper, perhaps, or look as seamless as they felt as I lived them. But if you gave me the chance, I really could be the most kick-ass employee you've had in years.

Thanks, Moxie. I needed that more than I knew. Oh, and thanks for the book recs, ladies. I just finished _Tea Time for the Traditionally Built_ by Alexander McCall Smith. Love him.

[Suzie Q]

I want the world to know that looks can be deceiving. Things aren't always as they appear. Or, as my brother in-law once paraphrased his favorite piece of advice from his mother, "you just never know what's going on behind someone's closed door." Really ringing true with me these days.

Right now, along with all the various parenting/family mags that clutter up my house, I'm reading The 19th Wife. @Mogget -- it DOES get better! Definitely a slow start, and I was wondering if I might have to abandon it altogether; but by the time I was about a quarter of the way through, I found myself staying up way past my bedtime to read "just a few more pages." Picking it up on a whim at Costco (yes, I am that person) was a good thing. Blame it on Big Love or having Mormon nannies as a child, but I'm intrigued by the LDS, so I'm enjoying this fictionalized rendering of one piece of the church's puzzle.

LOVE love love this topic -- both parts of it. Can't wait to read what more folks have to say. Thanks, Moxie. And I am so feeling you, in terms of being MORE. I hope there are many people in your life who recognize that and celebrate ALL that you are.

[meggiemoo]

I want the deliberately childless people in my life to know that, although, yes, I chose to have 2 children and a husband, that doesn't mean that those choices aren't often very difficult ones. It doesn't mean that I can't feel desperate and unhappy and trapped sometimes. And yes, I'm allowed to complain about it a tiny bit without you saying smugly, "But you chose to have kids, didn't you."

(And that also doesn't mean that I wouldn't do it again in a hot minute. Because I would. But it's still hard. OK?)

I want the world to know that I get that all of this isn't real. I see that all of the trappings of this life are just a play we've put on for ourselves. The problem is, I can't UNSEE it. So it becomes hard for me to care about the small sh*t.

What I'm reading: "Just A Couple of Days" by Tony Vigorito. Just ordered "The Glass Castle" and "The Orchard" from Amazon. I've read "The Orchard" before and I just love it. I'm a sucker for frontier-type women with grit. I want to read "Help! A Bear Is Eating Me," which I bought my DH for xmas, and which he says is hysterically funny.

P.S. Oh, and world? I am a writer. I get that I haven't written anything in a long time, but I will. You'll see.

[Amy]

Hi World:
I want you to know I am trying... trying my best to be a good wife and mom.

I also want you to know my floor isn't clean, the dishes on the counter are dirty, and the laundry is knee deep, but I got to play in the snow with the kids today and that is what is important.

I also just finished The Lost Symbol. A Christmas present from the in-laws.

[Alison]

Oh man, Moxie - thank you for asking!

1. I want the world to know that I have the right to make mistakes and take on more than I can handle. How else will I learn that it's too much or that I should do things differently? Experience is my best teacher, so stop raining on my parade, world!

2. I have an entire shelf-ful of books that I want to read. Someday. Among the ones currently sporting bookmarks: a few specifically about our city and state (Texas) since I didn't grow up here and know very little about the place's history; The World is Flat - I dislike the author personally but enjoy his writing; Everyman's Talmud. I guess it's just another shred of evidence in the "I'm way out of touch" case against me that I have no idea what books the rest of y'all are talking about. Maybe someday they'll end up on my "to read" shelf.

[Jenny]

@Susan -- I read War and Peace last summer! One of the great reading experiences of my life -- and I get what you mean about there being No Before and virtually No After.

I forgot that I wanted the world to know I was simultaneously horrifically dreading and looking forward to going to France for a month by myself. How can a person be this conflicted without mental illness? I feel like I'm disintegrating.

[mlr]

@Rebekah: I hope you have delivered! Those last days of waiting drove me crazy. Good luck.

@Rosie & meggiemoo: Isn't the Glass Castle *amazing*? I read it pre-kid but still think about it...

@hush: Sometimes I think it is a sign of being truly adult/mature that one knows when to hold one's tongue v. when to say exactly what one thinks. That said, I feel your pain. Hopefully this will not be forever. And -- how lucky you are to have *4* "authentic self" friends!! That is more than most of us can boast of, I'll bet. :)

What I want the world to know?
1) Domestic violence is NEVER okay and NEVER deserved. I fight this battle on a daily basis professionally, yet was unable to protect a great friend. Luckily she is safe now. But not before some bad things happened. It makes me sick that the police are not more responsive, that the world is not more angry, and that men still think this is okay.l

2) On a more selfish note, I want the world to know that I've *made it*. As all you moxie-ites told me would happen, once I reached the 1 yr bday (and started weaning) I felt like my mind and my life came back. Yeah, I still have no free time; and yeah, I'm not as dedicated professionally as I used to be; but I'm ME again. Woohoo.

What I'm reading? Hahah. 1 month old New Yorkers; 2 month old professional journals; and that's about it. The last book I read was "The Gathering" -- and I read it during maternity leave, a year ago! (That said, it was *really* good.

[ExpatMummy]

I'd like the world to know that I do have a lot to offer but that I'm stuck right now.

Love my DH and DS dearly and eagerly awaiting the arrival of my DD BUT also very stuck - on many levels. I have no real friends (in this hemisphere anyway) and haven't had a genuine laugh in months. My DH is wonderful and doesn't understand that, while I am outgoing, I suck at making friends and am having a hard time being halfway across the planet from my friends and family (and his suggestion to talk to his Mum aren't helpful because I haven't had the guts to be honest with him and tell him she's a nut job that I don't want within a hundred miles of me and our kids)

I want the world to know that, while my DH and I have agreed that I will stay home until the kids start school, that I do still have a brain and sometimes miss work. All I need to do now is figure out how to reinvent myself so I can have some outside stimulation (and extra $ would be nice) while staying home with the kids and being a good Mum.

Lastly, I need to make sure I don't fall into the PPD abyss, which scares me beyond comprehension, especially as we have no support network here...

I am a pretty great person and I can be a lot of fun. I have a brain and a good sense of humour and just need to find myself again. I miss the old me sometimes . . .

[blue]

Just finished The Lost Symbol and am also reading When the Past is Present--an interesting perspective on the way we approach relationships.

@Hush, you are so cool. I love that, even though you feel you can't let your true self be seen in your current setting, you know who you are. I agree with @the milliner that you may be able to be YOU without bearing all. IMHO, it's OK to keep yourself private, as long as the small bits of YOU that you do share are, in fact, you. It may be work or your spouses career or some other political stressor that makes it impossible to let your authentic self be known. I'm someone who can't stand to be fake, but I've learned (the hard way) that if I let it all out, it might bite my ass someday because of some shallow person's assumption. BTW, I also live in a rural, fairly podunk town... Anyway, hang in and fist bump to you, girlfriend. :)

[Nancy]

I want the world to know that I managed to (mostly) keep my cool all weekend, single-handedly running the house and taking care of our 2.5 year old twins, while my DH suffered with the flu.

Note: I accepted his apology today for something he and his parents said a few weekends ago, when *I* was flat out in bed with the same flu. I simply could NOT get up, could NOT visit with the inlaws, could NOT care for the girls... and they diagnosed me as depressed. NO, I HAD THE FLU and my doctor TOLD me to stay in bed. Today, he wisely acknowledged that they were very wrong and he was sorry. Thank you!

Am reading "Olive Kittredge" and "This I Believe" right now.

[Dawn]

I want the world to know that I'm really sad that I finally found a mommy friend and now she's moving away (her husband got a new job across the country, and it's really great for them, since they'll be close to family, etc. etc.)...I'm sad for me and not just for my daughter, who's losing her first best friend.

Like Michelle, I'd like the world to know that yes, I'm so lucky to be able to work at home, but that it is actually really hard (particularly when you work for a lunatic, who in my case, happens to be someone who is practically family).

Oh, and while I'm at it, I'd like to tell all my Obama hating relatives to stop sending me awful emails. Even though I don't read them, they still bother me (he's the President, so maybe they can quit questioning his citizenship???).

As far as books go, I just finished The Help by Kathryn Stockett and Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder. I highly recommend both. I just started Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert today and I'm planning to read Stones into Schools by Greg Mortensen after that.

[Flo]

What a great post. Thanks Moxie. Very timely.

I want the world to know that I'm a good mum too even though, like Kelly has said about herself - I yell a lot too. And I often look stressed and anxious.

I want the world that's made up of my mainly single friends without children to know that it's okay for me to be like that; that it doesn't mean I'm a bad mum or that I hate my child. I'm just human.

And I want their understanding and general support, not pity. (It's possible though that sleep deprivation is making me paranoid, in which case, sorry world about misinterpreting you!)

@Anonimizer: Just wanted to say that I hope you get the help soon, just as you've asked for. Sending you lots of courage to ask for it in other places too, from people around you.

[Rbelle]

I want the world to know that I feel like vomiting pretty much every minute that I'm awake, especially those that I'm sitting at my desk, ostensibly working. So please, please cut me some slack, and don't be offended if I don't want to deal with you right now.

I wish I was reading Tender Morsels, by Margo Lanagan, but I had to return it to the library unfinished, and now I feel guilty if I'm reading anything other than parenting books.

[Nick]

What I want the world to know: I'm not sure. I must be in a good place, 'cause I don't much care what the world thinks at this particular time in my life. Or I'm too busy to care!

What I'm reading. I just finished Open City, an anthology of Itialian post-WWII writings put together by William Weaver.

parisienne mais presque-- I read Suite Française by Irène Némirovsky two years ago and still remember the visceral shock I felt when the book ended.

Hush-- Having experienced podunkness, I empathize. Can you suggest changing the format of your book club? Having a designated reviewer to start the discussion might get the shyer people talking, or a round-robin format for initial-impression statements

[Mary-Christine]

To the world (on a good day): thanks - my life is better than I could ever have dreamed.

to the world (on a normal day): when does the endless repetitive slog of laundry, dishes, work, commutes, tantrum-taming, tidying, constant decision-making, potty-training, keeping track of stuff that needs to be ready for tomorrow, next week, next month end? Isn't there more to life than this?

I hear you ExpatMummy - I haven't made a single good friend here (Canada) in seven years, and desperately miss my family & friends back home...

Am reading Jane and the Barque of Frailty by Stephanie Barron...who knew Jane Austen could've been a kick-ass detective!

[Julie]

@those reading the Glass Castle, please read Half Broke Horses - it's the sort-of memoir of the grandmother of those kids and it is amazing. It's about Rose Mary and what HER childhood was like. Though still a stumper as to how she turned out the way she did. Good grief.

[Ladre]

What I Want The World To Know:
Like everyone else, I'm trying...and I'm so grateful and happy! But sometimes, even though I love them so much I could bawl, I don't want to play or read or fix dinner for the kids. Sometimes, I just want to sit on the couch and watch Millionaire Matchmaker. By myself. :)

What I'm Reading:
Nothing at the moment, I'm sorry to say. But I would strongly, strongly recommend Shadow Divers. I couldn't put the damn thing down - it was *awesome*!

[Cloud]

@Meika- it sucks that people don't realize that SAHMs are smart, interesting people, too.

On the problem with your resume not "flowing"... can I make a suggestion as someone who is often on the receiving end of resumes? Focus on your cover letter. Yes, I actually read those. Or, more precisely, I skim them to see if I should read them. I skip the boilerplate ones, but always read the ones that are trying to convey information beyond the resume. The cover letter is your chance to try to explain your career path, and how it relates to the position you're applying for now.

You could also use the cover letter to gently remind the reader of the many transferable skills you have acquired as a SAHM. I'm thinking of things like grace under pressure, ability to think on your feet, ability to prioritize competing needs. (As an aside: when I read Siblings Without Rivalry, I was blown away by the similarities with management training about how to handle team dynamics. Apparently we really are all just overgrown kids....) Of course, this is an area full of potential pitfalls- some working moms are really sensitive about their decision to be at work, not at home. You'll have to tread carefully. But you should at the very least go into the job search with the confidence that you HAVE in fact learned many valuable and important skills during your time at home.

The cover letter trick will work best if you can get it to the actual hiring manager. In some cases, HR strips those out before sending the resumes to the hiring manager. In my field (biotech), people network like crazy trying to find anyone they know who might plausibly be able to pass their resume + cover letter to the hiring manager, while also putting in a good word for them. No one minds getting a call from even a distant contact, really, because if it pans out, there is usually an employee referral bonus in it for the employee who "found" the new hire.

Good luck!

[FabMarta]

@ Hush- could we possibly have moved to the same podunk town? In my mind, I wish it was so, so we could be our kick ass selves together. Small towns just bite sometimes.

I wish could just pull about another 4-6 hours out of every day so I would be able to do more work from home, exercise more to lose this baby weight, and have some time to do something creative. I miss my sewing machine.
I would also like for the world to understand the the post pregnancy anxiety I am feeling every day is real. I know, it helps with the survival of the species, but I am really so over worrying about my kids in scenarios that are not. gonna. happen. Ugh.
I am thankful for my faraway friends, one of whom recommended the Mortal Instrauments Series. I'm on the second book, and though it is YA fiction, it's well written and a lovely distraction, if you like a little fantasy...
Here's hoping for an hour to myself, even if it is in a dark closet, and a time to shower, Whenever that may be.

[Rachel Barenblat]

I am much more than my current situation. I am so much more than just my children's mother. I love them, and would willingly die for them, but they're not all I am.

Amen to that.

Currently reading: a book on healthy sleep habits (Weissbluth) on the Kindle, in bits and pieces, while attempting to rock my baby to sleep. Beyond that, nothing much, though I have hopes of reading a real book again someday!

[Anon]

Dear World,

Just because I was infertile for many years and spent many, many dollars on IVF to have my twins, and plan to transfer the other frozen embryos eventually, except that I found out the week before my transfer appointment that I am pregnant because of having SEX, doesn't mean I am thrilled about it. Two infertile people conceiving while using contraception is a miracle, but I have mixed feelings and need some time. Could you lay off the guilt and confusion over my lack of unadulterated joy? Got enough guilt and confusion of my own.

Thanks.

[crescentgirl]

@Hush, @TB, @Expatmummy - you make me feel less alone in *my* podunk town, where I feel like I so don't fit in, in my less than satisfying marriage. I was laid off three times, moved to this place I don't fit into, need work but want to stay home, am tired and frazzled and want a third kid despite being too old, really ...

Re "little House" - I read at the Laura Ingalls Wilder museum that all but First Four Years were rewrites. Most of the books were based on her life but how she wished it could have been - and FFY was the draft - the how-it-actually-happened account that she didn't live long enough to amend like she had the others. Interesting, but sad to learn.

I adore that series, grew up on it. Saved each dogeared copy but have no daughters! Yet?

I wish I knew what I wanted the world to know. I want to write but feel so muted, so tongue-tied, so censored. Trying to start small.

[Tonina]

This is a terrific idea for a topic in the middle of the winter blah season....

I'd like the world to know that the disabled are not a different, inferior species! I'm not an automatic disaster for the company health care plan. I'm not mentally retarded just because I use forearm crutches (you wouldn't believe the treatment I used to get in stores - there's definitely a reason I do my shopping online now!) Yes, I don't walk like everyone else, I take medications to remain functional and productive, and I can't stand up for long periods. But if you give me a chance instead of dismissing me as a headache at one glance, I will be a real asset to you!

Sorry, that one's a constant ache....

Books are the breath of life for me. Right now, I'm rereading an old favorite, Venetia, by Georgette Heyer. Any fans of Jane Austen should really look into Heyer's books - she's terrific.

@Mogget: I read YA books a lot - they can be surprisingly strong competition for adult books. The sequel to the Hunger Games, Catching Fire, is excellent as well. You might try The Historian, by Elizabeth Kostova, or Feed, by M.T. Anderson, depending on your taste.

@M: The 2005 Best Short Stories anthology, edited by Michael Chabon, had a wonderful short story called Stone Animals that might fit what you're looking for in fantasy. The author, Kelly Link, is wonderful at mixing the everyday in with elements of fantasy, and slowly having fantasy take over in a rather creepy way. If you're looking for a major fantasy read, try Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, by Susanna Clarke. It was amazing!!!

[blue]

@crescentgirl, your comments give me hope that maybe all of these podunk little towns (in which, judging by the response to Hush's comments, many of us seem to be stuck and alone) might actually have another person hiding *her* true self. So, maybe it's worth putting little pieces of our true selves out there once in a while incase there is an Authentic Self friend waiting in the wings. It's a risk, I know, but maybe worth it...

The television-fed cynic in me is not surprised to hear that the Laura Ingalls Wilder world that we've read about growing up isn't the fantasy we all thought it was. But maybe that's not such a bad thing.... When the true story turns out to be more like everybody else's normal, flawed life, it reminds me to stop wishing for perfection and take a nice giant bite out of this messy, imperfect, yet so perfectly REAL life.

[Katie C]

"Really, this is just what I'd like the world to know: I am much more than my current situation. I am so much more than just my children's mother. I love them, and would willingly die for them, but they're not all I am."
That, that is what I want the world to know...and that it is ok to feel like that. So many people look at you with horror when you admit that there is actually a wholly separate person beyond the Mother in me.

I am reading the Circle Series by Ted Dekker, and Prayer by Philip Yancey. I just need a good dose of Faith in my life right now!

[crescentgirl]

@blue - I think part of my problem in my podunk town is I *do* speak up; not as much as I'd like, but I'm old enough now not to worry so much as i used to about what people think of me. However, I do worry about how my comments will affect my kids - everyone here is related to everyone else, so the person you pop off to in a grocery line is your principal's SIL and it gets around. So I try not to pop off much.

But yes, maybe we should start a side blog for those of us city girls trapped in tiny towns who need some connection! Moxie's does a great job but ... there's room for more perhaps!

Re YA - Patricia Reilly Giff had me mesmerized with Nory's Song. I still wonder about how the next phase of that girl's life went and it was FICTION, hello ... engrossing, page burning, hard to follow.

Otherwise I'm loving but not reading very quickly DKG's Team of Rivals, about Lincoln. Too dang big to hold for long; makes me want a Kindle/nook and I am not that into electronics.

[blue]

@crescentgirl --we definitely live in the same town. I really don't mean to sound so complainy, since I actually chose to leave the city and move to the middle of nowhere, which I (mostly) love. I have managed to make a few local friends, who are great, but when I make certain comments now and then, I just get this "Here goes the NYC girl again" look.

Part of what I love is the lack of people, but then when you come across them here and there among all the trees and mountains and air, watch out, they're nothing like me (and they really are ALL related!)

[Sarah]

I want the world to know that I'm scared. Scared that I'm not a good mother because I get so bored at times and want to sit on the couch reading instead of playing "train tracks." I'm scared that this feeling won't change with number 2 due in July. I'm scared that something could go wrong with number 2 and he/she might not make it (so far completely unfounded fear). I'm scared about our financial situation. I'm scared that I won't have any close friendships because everyone I love lives so far away. I'm scared that the chaos and uncertainty are long-term.

I just finished reading The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie by Alan Bradley. It took a bit to start liking the main character, but when I did, the book flew.

[crescentgirl]

@Sarah - I think a lot of us have fears like yours mid-pregnancy. There's so much up in the air, so much we're *supposed* to feel and yet it's a totally individual, and sometimes isolating, experience. I pray to have it again, but then am I ready for another human?? The doubts I think we all have are huge. Maybe that's what sleep deprivation does - it relieves us of some fear.

It's ok to want to be an adult sometimes. It's ok to be tired of playing trains. One huge benefit to having another child is eventually they will play together (some of my favorite moments now are just edging into the room to listen and watch before they devolve into fighting. I love watching them interact.

It's important to have time to yourself every day, and I say that as someone who rarely takes time for it. I think when you don't, the negative emotions work their way out.

Good luck to you.

@blue - sounds like you're farther afield than me! I'm in a factory town where everyone smokes, I saw a mom feeding an infant red Kool-Aid in church, an ex-con waits outside the school every day for his son, my kid's classmate ... I was raised on a farm outside St Louis, so I miss both the hills and trees, and the 20 minute drive to decent food and entertainment. I met my husband in Dallas, where we ate out once a week at fabulous restaurants and book shopped in our child-free time (with child-free money). Here, we're a couple hours from NYC, but money and kids and DH's reticence make it a rare trip. But I love love love connecting with likeminded moms on Moxie.

[hush]

I love you all! In answer to @crescentgirl's call for "a side blog for those of us city girls trapped in tiny towns who need some connection!" please check out my blog.

http://husheveryone.blogspot.com/

[Erica]

I want the world to know that while I miss my ex (the father of my child, my best friend) I am relieved that the worry is over. I agonized over whether he would ever commit to me and want to be a family with our son. I analyzed and repeated over and over in my head every word he would say hoping that it would reveal some inclination that he wanted to be with me and that it would work out if I could just change things about myself.

Well, I don't want to change who I am.

I am a good person who has made mistakes. I am a good mother who doen't know it all but sure as hell tries. And I was good to him and had the best of intentions.

I want the world to know My son and I are going to be ok. I'm not over him yet but I will be.

And for once I am looking forward to a life without him.

Also, I am reading "The Poisonwood Bible". Great book!

[Puma Outlet Store]

good to see you are blogging again. I enjoyed the full article and hope that maybe you can get permission to republish it in full after some time has elapsed - it deserves wider exposure online than it might get behind the log in.

[Healthy Relationship with Hostway Motor Inn]

I've been thinking since she got here about how our relationship has changed in the past few years. When my older son was born seven years ago she became my main advisor on parenting and being a mother