Echo

I'm sorry. This week has beaten me. It started off so well on my work trip, but then a lot of things happened (good and bad) to mess up my sleep schedule and I've felt like I was struggling through some really, really uncooperative mixture of sand and molasses (treacle) since about Wednesday morning.

And then my URL was up for renewal and I couldn't remember my password to get in and do it and I thought it was going to disappear, and that some ill-intentioned illicit pharma manufacturer was going to grab it and you'd click over here and be offered discount vi@gr* instead of parenting talk.

And then, after I took the door handle off my kids' room so they'd stop locking themselves in and me out, they locked themselves in and me out again this morning.

Really, this is just what I'd like the world to know: I am much more than my current situation. I am so much more than just my children's mother. I love them, and would willingly die for them, but they're not all I am.

Today's topic:

1. What do you want the world to know?

2. What book are you reading, or would you be reading if you had time and an extra hand with which to hold a book? (Me: Triathlons For Women by Sally Edwards, which is a pipe dream because I have 40 non-work child-free hours every two weeks, so no time to train.)

Comments

[birdie]

I'm reading Stones Into Schools by Greg Mortenson. Its about building schools for girls in Pakistan and Afghanistan. It is humbling and fascinating. I just finished a long chapter about the 1990's when the Taliban came into power: Women were confined overnight to their homes, forbidden to leave without a male escort. Anyone caught teaching girls could be executed. Anyone with painted fingernails could have their fingertips chopped off. Women could only be treated by female doctors but since those doctors could no longer leave their homes without a man, it essentially left 1/2 the population without healthcare...

I feel like I knew this stuff but its still sobering to be reminded of it in such a candid way. (Mr. Mortenson is a great writer).

Makes me feel lucky that I can wear whatever I want, go pretty much wherever I want, work or not, paint my nails or not...

[Julie]

I want the world to know how much happier I am that I am no longer married. I love being a single mom, I love having my house to myself with just me and my boys. I love having control of my life and my finances again - I am able to sleep again and not cringe every time I get an email wondering if it is the bank telling me we are overdrawn on our account again. I also want the world to know that while I am sad that my ex does not feel the same way, I feel bad for him and wish him to find happiness....I do not feel one ounce of guilt over leaving the marriage. It was THAT BAD. I feel like I can breathe and see things in technicolor again after 7 long years. I don't have any hours per week that are kid-free AND work-free....but I don't care. I am loving my life.

Books I've read recently: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo....slow to start but really engrossing and I ended up not being able to put it down. In light of my personal life, I've been throwing myself into mindless fiction as much as possible - anything by Kristen Hannah has been highly entertaining and distracting. Anything by Vince Flynn, anything by Daniel Silva. Also really enjoyed Half-Broke Horses. Even with two kids, I am happy I can still read as much as I used to. Well, not as much, but still a lot.

[SarcastiCarrie]

1. I want the world to know that I am conflicted. About almost every decision I make, but I am doing the best I can.

2. I just finished "Can You Keep a Secret?" The book is like meringue, sweet and airy without much substance. Definitely in the "chick lit" genre. But a good non-fiction read I did not too long ago was "The Girls Who Went Away" about unwed mothers from pre-Roe v. Wade who were sent to homes for unwed mothers and basically had their children kidnapped from them by their parents and society and a system set up against them (no sex ed, deep shame, etc).

[Zarah]

You can totally do a sprint triathlon! It's just for fun, you don't have to try to win the thing. Go for it!

[Mogget]

I'm reading The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. It's YA, but it is so good. I'm also working on The 19th Wife by David Ebershoff. It's a little slow to start, but I'm hoping it will pick up. I am dedicating my lunch hour to reading since I don't get much quiet time at home. That means I can actually finish books in less that a year! I have such a backlog of books I want to read, I wish I had a longer lunch hour.

I want the world to know that I am not my husband. I do not make his choices for him. I just pick up the pieces as best I can and carry on.

[lisa]

I want the world to know that I am many things: mother, wife, sister, designer, professional, and that I am all of those things, all of the time. I am not just the context in which you see me. I am turning 40 soon, and I am conflicted about it. I know, I know, age is number, just like weight, but I am fixated on this one. I so clearly remember my dad turning 40; I was 13 and my mom threw him a kick-ass surprise party. Now I'm almost there, and among other things, my parents aren't here to see it.

I also want the world to know that I, too, do the best I can. All the time. Sometimes it's just not enough & the world has to live with it, just like I have to live when the world disappoints me.

I am reading "Animal, Vegetable, Mineral" by Barbara Kingsolver. It's slow going in the beginning, but I think there will be a payoff. It will not, however, stop me from wanting, and buying, citrus in the winter, even though it's never local or seasonal to me in the Northeast.

Thanks. I needed that.

[Rudyinparis]

I want the world to know how amazingly cool I am, and that I think exciting and wonderful thoughts, and am an exciting and wonderful person!

Neglected on my bedside table: The thing itself: reflections on authenticity by Richard Todd. But really, even more than reading, I'd be watching French New Wave films, one after the other after the other.

[ann]

I just finished "The Reader" by Bernard Schlink (sp?). Great book, a major departure from my usual reading material, which is more magazines and non-fiction.

Moxie, I second the notion you can do a sprint tri! I've done a couple and really my aim was just to finish not break any speed records. And w/ relatively minimal training I reached that goal.

[Raia]

I've discovered a new series that I really like by William Kent Krueger about a 1/4 Ojibwe former sheriff of a small town in Minnesota, so I'm working my way through it. Loving it but I have to read out of order because only some are available on Kindle, which is driving me crazy. I recently finished Can You Keep a Secret, what a fun read. I've got some more serious books on my list but haven't had the mental energy to get there in a while.

[Rudyinparis]

And did I mention that my sexual energy, if properly harnessed, could launch a rocket to the moon?

[Rach]

I want the world to know that, when I really stop and think about it, my frustrations with inequality, people doing horrible things in the name of "religion", and all of the -isms make me want to smash something. I want the world to know that I want my children to grow up to know they can do anything, marry anyone, and be treated respectfully - as long as they are nice to others and try their best (at least, that's what I tell them).

I just read The Help which I couldn't put down and made me both hopeful (of how far we've come) and despairing (of how we haven't made any strides) simultaneously.

[Jenny]

@Rudyinparis, you always make me laugh and think and want to live in your town and stalk you with brownies. Sigh. What great women here.

I want the world to know that I'm worth getting to know. Maybe slightly awkward at first, but funny and interesting and a good listener and reliable and a faithful keeper of secrets and always up for doing stuff. Hey! Over here!

I just finished reading The Souls of Black Folk by W.E.B. DuBois, which was incredibly relevant for today, much more than I thought it would be. And now I'm reading an old favorite, The Bird in the Tree by Elizabeth Goudge, a marvelous British novel about a family that is broken and begins to heal through love and integrity.

[Dr. Confused]

I want the world not to notice anything about me. Especially how fucking incompetent I am.

[Ck]

I just finished "The Hour I First Believed" by Wally Lamb. It was an easy read and yet pretty heavy at the same time, dealing with some major issues like Columbine and PTSD.

I would like people to know how proud I am that I have finally beaten the Laundry Monster! It's such a simple thing, but catching up on laundry and getting (most of) it put away seemed like an impossible task. I actually feel like I am getting control of my life and my house again.

[LittlePumpkin]

I don't feel any burning announcement for the world today. But I can say that despite the crazy time demands of fulltime work and 2 little ones, thank god I still manage to find small bits of time to read. Without that, I think I'd go insane. Even if it's just a couple of pages before I fall asleep or on the train to work, it's a great refuge. I get a jolt of true happiness when I explore the library shelves on my way to do pickup (library is across the street from daycare, so it works out well). And it's free! OK, mostly free, considering my constant fines for overdue books. It's a small price for a great pleasure.

My current book is A Gate at the Stairs by Lorrie Moore. Slightly disturbing portrait of a complicated family; I'm engrossed but feel squeamish about it at the same time.

Last great read was Fun Home by Alison Bechdel, a graphic novel / memoir. Amazing, really amazing.

[Sky]

I want the world to know that I have another book in me, maybe more than one. I've signed one book contract, but as the book will be a compilation of traditional rhymes, it doesn't feel as if it's really my creation. I have more to give, and when I finish being a stay at home mum I want to be a writer rather than go back to my office job. There, now I've told somebody apart from my husband!

I've just finished re-reading 'The Little House in the Big Woods' and revelling in the simplicity of their hard working life. The world has changed so much in such a short time. Next to read, 'Seeing Things', the autobiography of Oliver Postgate who created Bagpuss, The Clangers and Ivor the Engine amongst others.

[Cathy]

I have U is for Undertow from the library. I've read about a paragraph so far.

I don't have anything to tell the world, but to ask it just to hang on a second. I'm almost caught up.

[Kathy B.]

Current book: "The Known World" by Edward P. Jones. About a black slaveowner. So far, pretty good.

[SarcastiCarrie]

@Sky - In the last 3 or 4 years, I've read or re-read almost all the "Little House" books. "The First Four Years" was the hardest on me as a mother (and an infertile one at that...the MR. and Mrs. Boast thing is just heartbreaking). And I constantly think about their life during "The Long Winter". The books resonate with me for some reason.

[Jenny]

@Sky and @Sarcasticarrie -- I re-read those books about every couple of years. I've always thought that if I were stranded on a desert island, I'd want those with me, because they practically give blueprints on how to survive. I can't read The First Four Years, though, for the reasons you state. Too hard.

[Irene]

I want the world to know that whether or not I have another child is MY choice, and what everyone else thinks really. does. not. matter. It seems like everyone has an opinion about this, and I'm tired of hearing them.

I just finished reading "The Twentieth Wife" by Indu Sundaresan. It's a neat historical fiction novel about Mehrunnisa, a woman who achieved a lot and stepped outside the restrictions placed on women in 16th century India.

[Summertime]

I'd like the world to know how much I am handling underneath this fairly calm veneer, unemployed husband and money issues and a spirited toddler and the like. Things that everyone deals with but if I sit and think about it all at once it may lead to a nervous break down, so. Proud of my calmness.

I just finished The Women, about Frank Lloyd Wright's wives and mistresses. The jacket made it sound so interesting and funny, but really it was just depressing.

[M]

Hey world! I'm an amazing and talented artist. I left my design job to fulfill my dream of being a wife, mother and matriarch a fewbyeaes ago and painting has filled that void. Once I can stand the smells again (pregnancy super nose!) I intend to bang out these paintigs that are josteling my cranium dying to be seen. I just ask that you, oh World, throw me a bone and help me find ways to make time.

Hey World! Thank you for the kick ass carpet remnant I scored for Toddler's big boy room. And for the penny I found leaving Target - which was full of sourpusses.

Hey World! I'm going to take a nap after I hit post.

And, World, thanks for the snow. It'll be fun to sled and hunker down and drink cocoa.

Currently reading: Best Short Stories of 2009. Edited by Alice Sebold.
Last night it crossed my mind that I want a good fantasy/fairy tale type book. And, it'll be on my list to reread Mists of Avalon now that I have children. It's been a very different read during each phase of my life.
Love the idea of rereading Little House!!!!

[ea]

With the post's title, for a moment, I thought you were maybe going to write something about Joss Whedon's latest here. Absurd, I know, but I am a nerd.

I might, or might not, want the world to know how much of a tv-nerd I am. (And that's why I don't have cable. I Would Watch That Much TV.)

In my most indulgent moments, I would like the world to know I'm a poet. Of course, I would also like to believe I am a good poet, and the years since the MFA have sort of worn that one down a bit. But one day my kids will be old and wanting to ignore me and then I'll have time to burn again (I can't believe I was ever bored. Ever. What was I thinking?).

I do find tiny bits of time to read. I just finished First Contact: Or, It's Later then You Think, and if you like satire, funny satire, I urge you to go read it. Now. Take my car.

[wm]

The Emigrant Quartet by Vilhelm Moberg. A great series.

[mom2boys]

I want the world to know how ridiculous I think it is to have an ear infection at the age of 34. And how painful.

I read all the Sookie Stackhouse (True Blood tv show) vampire novels while I was on break between semesters. I don't have time to read anything not assigned while in school so I kept my Kindle as close as I could those three weeks after Christmas. I also read U is for Undertow and The Girl who Played with Fire. Heaven.

[Cloud]

I'd tell the world (or maybe just a small, judgmental part of it) that I LIKE being a work-outside-the-home Mom and the solution to any small quibble I raise about how hard we as a society make life for working parents is NOT to suggest that I just quit my job and stay home.

I'm reading Smile When You're Lying, a book about travel and the travel industry by a man whose name escapes me. It is a book club book, which means that I didn't pick it, but I am enjoying it, mostly. I'm also reading Bedtiming (by frequent poster on this site, Isabel Granic and her husband whose name I forget), and really finding it useful. Let's just blame my problem with remembering authors on sleep deprivation, shall we?

I WANT to be reading The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, by Rebecca Skloot. It is about the origin of a very common cell strain (HeLa), and I read a blog post about it that makes it sound very thought-provoking and moving. I am anxious to get to read the actual book.

[Cloud]

@wm- I read Moberg's Emigrant series, too! Very good. All you Little House fans- you should check it out. It would be sort of like a prequel, in a way. Especially check it out if you're of Scandinavian descent.

[Stacy]

@mom2boys, I had an ear infection a couple years ago and also had forgotten how painful it is! It made me sympathize more when the kid would wake up crying in the middle of the night!

I want the world to know (or at least my company) that I have mad skills and can contribute lots to my job if I just get handed the right kinds of projects -- and you don't move my office to the city. I also want the world to know that I am starting to get comfortable with the idea that maybe an only child is right for our family, although it is hard to close that door completely.

As for books, I am reading a Jennifer Weiner book right now, "The Guy Not Taken." Not so into it yet though, even though you can't get much lighter than Jennifer Weiner books! I think I will also revisit the Little House series. I wanted to be Laura when I was a kid, after all.

[mom2boys]

I was a big fan of the Little House books when I was a girl. I haven't thought about them in years. I bet they would read completely different as a parent.

[Carmen]

I LOVE this post!

About me: Some days I feel like its a battle between me and my life and my life is taking over and I'm losing. If that makes sense. BUT today I'm WINNING people! And nothing has changed except my attitude. Today its ok that my house is a wreck, I'm always running from place to place, and that my oldest watches too much TV while I try to work a baby into the folds of our lives.

Book: I recently read "The Prayers of Agnes Sparrow". Its about a 700 pound woman whom people believe has the power to pray for them and make their prayers come true.

My all time favorite book from this year was "The Help". The Diane Ream show on NPR is doing a show about it on the 25th. It's a wonderful book about the lives of women in the south in the mid-60's. It showed the relationship between black nanny/housekeepers and their white employers. All of the main characters were women and I was fascinated by how well the author captured how women can elevate one another to new levels, or tear each other down in the most striking ways. I also loved that not all of the relationships between the employees and employers were negative. Some of these women spent so much time together that they truly loved one another like family.

I'll shut up now:) I just really liked the book.

[Rudyinparis]

Hi Jenny! What a nice thing to say. Thank you, dear.

These are great.

Dr. Confused, I bet the world sees something very different than what you see when you look in the mirror, yes? We all have bad days; I hope you feel better soon.

[SarcastiCarrie]

"The Guy Not Taken" - read that one last summer. I found the short story format a little, uhhh, disjointed.

And Jennifer Weiner's "Little Earthquakes"...I'm betting she hangs out at Ask Moxie. The main characters are new moms, and they all have doubts and books and theories about parenting.

[Michelle]

I'd like to tell the world that yes, working from home has its perks but it also really hard. I am working full-time and have to put in my 8 hours between normal business hours (roughly). I love not having my hellish commute and seeing more of my kids but there are definite drawbacks (aside from the sizeable paycut I took)

And the times like this week when my nanny/sitter has been out for 3 days and I have to juggle just make things harder.

So I want to err on the side of compassion but I am so stressed out. My sitter found out that she was unexpectedly pregnant when she went in for sinus surgery a week ago. She went in on Monday for dr appt and the baby was measuring a week behind. The next day she started bleeding and the crack ER staff put her on bedrest for a week. Last time I talked to her, she had been bleeding for over 24 hours. I don't know if she is in denial or can't afford to get in to see her regular dr (she's a nursing student)but she is just going to wait for another HCG test. And seems to think that she might be on bedrest for a while.

On the other hand, I am pretty sure that she is miscarrying. So I don't want to fire her and find a new sitter. Even though she said she would understand. Because I know she needs the job and my kids love her but there is a limit to how much I can juggle. She offered to find me a backup and so far no word on that.

ArgggggghhhH!

Sorry no book to recommend. Haven't had time to read for pleasure since the baby was born.

[C]

I want the world to know that I have maybe two non-work non-childcare hours a week if I am lucky, and that despite a perfectly willing and competent husband I am responsible for all laundry, all cleaning, all shopping, all meal planning, most cooking, all daycare dropoffs and pickups, and all "keeping track of" and that this is NOT OKAY but there is nothing to be done about it at this point and probably not for at least a year or more.

And I also want the world to know that while this SUCKS in a huge way it is incredibly small potatoes compared to what an enormous number of people, in this country and in others, face every moment of every day. I am unimaginably blessed.

[Jac]

World? Thank you. I'm pretty darn grateful for everything.

@ Irene - I just finished reading "The Twentieth Wife" by Indu Sundaresan last night too! A great book. I've got the sequal waiting for me at home right now.

[bessie]

I want the world to know, that I'm a better mother when I'm working. I've been at home, part time, work from home, and now full time, and my kids are thriving I think in part because I'm so much happier and more present for them.

Book I'm reading is Let the Great World Spin by Colum McCann. I love that it's unapologetically emotional. I love stories about how we're really all connected because that's what I believe to be true.

[Molly]

I want the world to know how hard it is just to get out of the house in winter with a tiny infant.

I'm reading Wolf Hall, by Hilary Mantel. It's reminding me how much I have always loved historical fiction -- starting, I think, with all of those Laura Ingalls Wilder books that everyone loves.

[hush]

Hi world, know this: I am too chickenshit to be my authentic self in this wonderfully podunk town I moved to a year and a half ago. So I make nice with EVERYBODY even though there is at least one person here who I seriously, uncharacteristically loathe. I never talk to any locals about real world issues/politics/my secret lack of religion; and I am verrrry circumspect about who I allow into my own private little inner thought circle (like just one local person who gets it)... but funnily enough I am perceived as popular & someone the cool kids invite to parties. WTF? I hate that life is in many ways like high school. I feel accepted but like a total phony because I know this 'acceptance' would evaporate in a heartbeat if I started keeping it real. And boy, I have a lot to say. And my ass-kicking, name-taking, Authentic Self would offend, scare, and confuse some good people. So I won't go there. Because nobody likes a Debbie Downer. The path of least resistance is the one for me. And being unpopular with the locals would ultimately hurt my family's bottom line. blah blah...

Most of all I'm afraid of becoming like my mom in that she has no true friends, no one to gently call her out on her stuff, to laugh with, to fly off to Vegas with, and to bear witness to the milestones of her life. Which is sad. I'm always so jealous whenever I would go to someone's wedding, and there were all of these fun parties thrown by the bride's family friends who had known them forever! I want that for my kids. Hence my fakery. At least I'm thankful I have 4 really good "Authentic Self" friends (all of whom live in major cities, far away) - I'm counting my blessings and counting the days until our next vacation out of Podunkland.

Books. Love them. Have no time to enjoy them, but am loving all of these great suggestions for my Someday List. Oh Jeebus, this reminds me - I belong to a local book club that picks the worst books ever and is plagued by a few loudmouths with really insipid, preachy comments to make about them. I have got to find a way to get out. Or to get the shy, smart quiet types to speak up more.

What I'm (not really = on page 9) reading: "Prospect Part West" by Amy Sohn. Collecting dust on my nightstand are: "What the Dog Saw" by Malcolm Gladwell, "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" by Stieg Larsson, "The Glass Castle" by Jeannette Walls, and "The Strain" by Guillermo del Toro & Chuck Hogan.

@Cloud - I'm soooo right there with you about wanting to devour the "Henrietta Lacks" book!

@mom2boys - I love the Sookie Stackhouse novels & hope Charlaine Harris has another one coming out this Spring or Summer? And delicious "True Blood" Season 3 is supposed to start in June. Can't wait!

[theklamsays]

I would like to say to the World: welcome to our beautiful city! We're in the final Olympic countdown and super excited about it!

[Jenny]

@M, re fantasy/fairy tale type book, try War for the Oaks by Emma Bull. What a great book!

OTOH wasn't nuts about the Stieg Larsson.

[hush]

Gah! I meant "Prospect PARK West" by Amy Sohn. Nine pages in and already there have been more references to vibrators than I can count!

@Rudyinparis & @Jenny (of Spokane) - You are both awesome and cool and unique, and I am damn glad to know you here. If you blogged more, I would totally eat that up!

@Jac & @blue & @the milliner - You have each made comments at one point or another that made me feel really affirmed. Wish you lived here so I could be my Authentic Self with you in person with my wacky kids.

[skg]

It isn't so much what I read but what I saw. There's a documentary called "Very Young Girls" that was filmed in NYC and the neighboring Burroughs. It featured a woman named Rachel Lloyd and the program she founded called GEMS (Girls Education & Mentoring Services) which provides help for girls who have been exploited by the sex trade. After watching it, I immediately googled Gems and looked for ways to help in some way.
But it also made me realize how I want to help in more ways than just sending food into school with my son for the local food pantry, etc. or sending money. Although I believe in doing these things and "every little bit helps" I hoping to find a way to make a larger impact with my time and energy. Very nascent at this point, but as my kids get older and need me less I want to find a way to help. Watching that documentary made me see how one person can make a difference in so many peoples lives. Very inspiring. I hope I don't come off sounding like a cliche or anything but honestly I guess I want the world to know that I'm looking for a way to help out in a bigger way. I want that to be my true calling.

[Cloud]

@bessie- I'm the same way.

@skg- I thought that was really touching. I hope you find your true calling! In the meantime, maybe you'll take comfort from something my aunt told me once: "Its ok to just send money. Someone has to send the money, afterall."

@hush- too bad your podunkville isn't near San Diego! I'm hoping to get my book club to read the Henrietta Lacks book, but if I fail in that, I'll definitely need someone to discuss it with.

[TodayWendy]

@Cloud - oooh, I've just this minute ordered The Immortal life of Henrietta Lacks from the library.

I'd like the world to know that being woken up in the middle of the night by a small child giving you a small handful of vomit with a soother stuck in it is simultaneously disgusting, adorable, and hilarious.

I'm currently reading The Essential Tales of Anton Chekov and Silver on the Tree (Susan Cooper).

[Jenny]

@TodayWendy -- what a great combination of books!

But ew, on the handful of vomit. Funny*

*from this distance

[Anonimizer]

I would like the world to know that I need help and soon. Please.

I am almost done with "The Ten Year Nap" by Meg Wolitzer. A *huge* disappointment. Supposed to be about several "career" women who quit to be SAHMs and where they are in their lives 10 yrs later. I thought it would speak to me in my situation but it turns out to be barely above chic lit (which I LOVE but I wasn't expecting it in this particular novel).

[Bella]

I would like the world to know who I am without having to try to figure out how to authentically communicate that with every different person I know or meet. I just want it to be a given, and if I'm not liked by one person or another, that's ok. Really. Just don't make me fake it anymore. I'm TIRED.

Related, but not quite what you asked Moxie: I would like to not be so willing to change who I am to match every person's need. Well, I don't REALLY change who I am, I just act like I do. And nobody's really MAKING me do it. It's my fault. And I would like to stop that.

I'm reading: "Parenting Beyond Belief" and "Infidel" both awesome in totally different ways. I'm LOVING the list of books... just updated my list of books "to read." THANKS!

[not for this one]

I would like the world to know that as much as I love my life in the big city with the big important career, am starting to think that I am becomming much more of a small town traditionalist as I am getting older. While on the one hand I can't imagine giving it all up including the big city, I fantisize sometime about what it would be like to have the marriage, the kids, and the house complete with dogs. When I do think about it too long I get really worried that I am getting too old will never find someone, which leads to wondering what is wrong with me and why haven't I found anyone. Didn't mean to be debbie downer on here, but thanks for giving me a safe space to vent

[the milliner]

Moxie, this 'What I'd like the world to know' thing is brilliant. BRILLIANT!

What I'd like the world to know is that the thing in life most important to me is having integrity. I really need outlets in my work and home life to live and act authentically. If we're working together on a project and I keep pushing for ways to do it better, it's not because I think you did a bad job. It's because I'm hard-wired to work to make it better. I have a vision in my mind and I feel compelled to try to realise it. I don't expect you to have the same drive that I do. But it would be really nice if you didn't take my approach personally or try to hinder me from expressing this part of me (assuming I did it in a respectful way to you).

I also want the world to know that really (really!) I have a better fashion sense and style than my current wardrobe would lead you to believe. 20 months of sleep deprivation, and a small (fantastic) child, and minimal free time have kept me from updating my wardrobe and taking the time to wear more interesting clothes.

@Hush - Your first comment made me want to reach out to you as it's an all too familiar scenario for me. Your second comment brought a tear to my eye! So kind. And you can bet that if I lived anywhere near by, we'd be hanging out.

When I read your first post, my reaction was that maybe you could try looking at it from a different POV. Just because you're not blurting out every single opinion that you have and 'fighting the good fight' for everything you believe in, doesn't mean that you aren't being your authentic self. Maybe you have put the happiness of your family first (for now). Maybe you are choosing your battles. I don't think it's an all or nothing proposition.

Keep pushing to find a way to be able to at least sometimes (or for some things) be your authentic self in full force. I know how bad on your sense of self worth it can be when you can't express your authentic self. I suffered the worst.boss.ever for 3 years at a job/company I love. She was so dysfunctional, and so damaging to my self worth (not to mention for most of the department) that it took 2 years, her leaving the company, the birth of my son and my maternity leave to figure out how much of a negative impact she had on me. And she totally squashed my ability to be my authentic self at work.

Anyhow, the reason I say all this is that I learned (through therapy) that for the more intense parts of my authentic self that not everyone will get it. And that's OK. But it is important that some people get it. And that I spend time with them. So I can be my authentic self and fulfill that need.

You will find the answers of how to make this work.