Yay or nay: Hand-held video game players?

Hot topic among parents of 5-9-year-olds, especially in the post gift-receiving season: To DS or not to DS?

For those of you lucky enough not to know, a DS is a Nintendo DS, a hand-held video game playing device. (Another contender is the PSP--PlayStation Personal.) The kids love them. Like, love. Lo-o-ove. And plenty of the kids have them.

Mine doesn't, and I'm wondering how long I can hold the line, and even if I should hold the line. (Let's pretend that the cost doesn't matter. It could be a birthday present from a kindly relative with more disposable income than I have.)

Now, clearly I'm pro-video game. I work for a video game company; we have a Wii; my kids play games online. But I also see gaming as a communal, interactive activity: The company I work for makes multi-player games (so kids play together). I don't put a time limit on Wii play at my house. Instead I let them play while they can cooperate and have fun together; when the fighting starts the game is over. And they're only allowed to play online if they can figure out a way to either play together or cooperate.

The hand-helds just seem isolating to me. A kid is playing alone, immersed in a game with no interaction either within the game or outside of the game. And that kind of weirds me out.

On the other hand, is that just because I'm an extrovert? Is isolation that bad? And what about the times when I wish my kid would isolate himself, like on the looooong subway ride down to school every morning? There are only so many games of "let's count and skip the multiples of 4" that we can play before he gets bored and the kids start punching each other. We're learning the two-letter postal abbreviations for the US states now. Next we'll do the military letters (alpha, bravo, charlie, etc.). After that we'll move on to what? Maybe airport three-letter codes.

Maybe a hand-held would help with that long ride and preventing fights from boredom.

Is that reason enough to get one?

What do you think? Does your kid have one? Are you for or against in theory? In practice? Are there aspects I'm missing?

Comments

[mom2boys]

Our nine year old is the MOST extroverted human being I've ever come into contact with. He has a DS and has had one for a couple of years. He doesn't really like it much anymore perhaps because it is something he has to do alone (although if he can talk someone into watching him play it - oh happy day). He has gone through phases with various games that have held his attention for a week straight here or there (to the point of having to tell him to put it down and come eat) but it's never been a constant source of entertainment for him the way it seems to be for other kids. If you aren't against video games in general, I don't see how it is anymore isolating than reading a book - an activity I wouldn't want to do as a group activity, personally.

[SarcastiCarrie]

On the car ride boredom post, I indicated that my 4.5 year old has a Leapster (which is a hand-held video game thing which supposedly has "educational" games on it). It has its place. We only use it for car rides in excess of 3 hours (under 3 hours, we have plenty of boredom management techniques). I did let him use it a bit at home when I had the new baby, but after a month or so, it got "lost".

We just emerged from 5 days of non-stop talking. Perhaps, the video game thing would have stopped some of that infernal, incessant chatter (Instead I taught him how to dial the phone and call grandmas. They got to hear him narrate his day for a while).

Perhaps if someone gives him a DS, you could set rules on it. Such as, we only play the DS on the way to (or home from) school. Or only on Fridays. Or odd or even-numbered days. Or some other arbitrary rule that you set that determines how much you think he should be allowed (or make a points-based system where he has to earn it).

For reference, I fall down on the side of less screen time (and occasionally, people tell me I am being too...something, strict, prudish, not sure what exactly).

[obabe]

both my boys (6 + 4) are happy with their leapsters right now, so we've managed to avoid the DS/PSP debate. i love the leapsters, as there actually is SOME educational value to them, while still having the "video game" quality to them.

weve also taken them on plane and road trips, and they do help immensly then.

they also seem like a "big" gift to me- xmas, birthday, etc worthy.

[Sarah]

I think you're missing how much fun they will be for you :) I only play Scrabble and the Prof. Layton puzzle games, but I like them. We have two - they are officially mine and my husband's. The kids can use them. They are great for car rides but I can see the subway appeal as well. I don't let my 8 or 5 year old take them on the school bus. I worry about them being "borrowed" or broken.

They are a little isolating, but I don't see that as a bad thing for 20-45 minutes here or there. Reading is a solo activity (eventually) and I encourage that too. I dream of it :)

[Emily]

I'm curious as to why the general feeling is that video games that aren't specifically marketed as being education are in fact not at all educational. Many games have puzzle elements and can inspire new ways of thinking about problems even if it isn't immediately obvious that it is An Educational Game.

[Laura]

While it's not every DS game, there are quite a few (Mario Kart, New Mario Bros, 40 Classic Games, etc) that allow you to play together, and I think with Cerebral Academy you can even play with up to 7 other people. It's not the Wii, but there are games to play together.

[crescentgirl]

My husband and 6 year old take turns on Leapster - not something I have time to do, sadly, but it helps modify the solo thing into interactive. (Leapster has been a boon for little brother's naptime, etc. And now he's getting bored with it, on his own, yahooo!)

As to subway time, there are a ton of newish art on-the-go kits at places like OfficeMax and toy stores that help when books and learning games ebb. I just got a glow station for my older son for the long dark car rides home from his social skills class; his brother will avidly watch and of course clamor for a turn, but that in itself can be a social skill.

Kudos to you Moxie for the challenging educational ideas you've done to engage your kids on the subway so far! And that can continue even if you get some sort of personal electronic toy for him.

[MrsHaley]

I'm with @SarcastiCarrie on less screen time. That said, DH got an in-car DVD player with 2 screens for the minivan over Christmas. My cutoff is 1 hour -- on car rides less than that, it stays off. We drive to & from my cousin's at least monthly (2 hours each way) so I guess that's when we'll use it the most.

Anyway, I think with good limits and parental veto power on games purchased/played, the DS or PSP can be useful. Some schools have VERY strict rules about them, though, so if he's using it for the subway ride to/from school, make sure he's clear on if/how he may use it once at school or it may get confiscated. Or maybe you keep it in your bag and hand it over once you're on the train together?

The metaphor I've hear is that technology (TV, internet, etc) is like a vitamin. Too much is harmful, just the right amount is beneficial and an educated guess at the correct amount probably won't hurt anybody.

[MrsHaley]

Also, Moxie, my SIL has had great success with the Brain Quest question tablet things for her two sons. They are available by topic and by age/skill.

[crescentgirl]

Oh, and the GPS I got for xmas has been a huge hit with my son! The cord reaches back where he sits, so he helps navigate, he's asking fabulous traffic and problem-solving questions, he's absorbed but interactive ... and it's a screen. And it prevents me from diverting attention from the road to fuss with it!

[caramama]

I'm on the line of extrovert/introvert. When I need to nuture my introverted side, especially when I'm exhausted and a bit brain-dead, I love to play some solitaire-type games on the computer. So I definitely think that handheld devices have their place and can even be beneficial to a person's well being. (When not totally brain-dead, I do prefer to read which, as others have said, is also a solitairy activity.)

I do think that limits and parental oversight/veto power are incredibly important. My siblings and I are all very prone to addictive computer behavoir. I learned to set limits for myself from my dad, who set limits for us when we were younger. Also talking with my dad about why it's important to set limits and whatnot was instrumentally important to me understanding the need for limits and being able to set them for myself (something he didn't do in time for my brother, who does not limit himself enough IMO as an adult, but my dad learned from that in time for me and my sis).

I also think it's important to teach appropriate places to use games/technology. For example, I don't play computer games at work, and I don't answer my phone during meetings. So no games at school or phone calls/text messages during dinner is something I plan to enforce by rules and by modeling.

[caramama]

(But apparently I'm totally okay with blogging at work. Don't judge me! ;-))

[Cecily T]

My hubby and I are pretty big gamers, mostly playing together (he got me the New SMB Wii version for Xmas). We'll be really happy when V can join us :)

I think a DS is fine, especially for things like long car rides, but also for quiet time and mommy's-nursing-the-baby-time. And as an introvert who grew up with an extrovert brother (he was one of those 'watch me watch TV, guys' kids), I think it's good for siblings to have some solo time and learn that there are activities that you do ALONE (I have a 2.5yo, so right now I get to do exactly *nothing* alone!). Not that video games are the only solo activity, reading and pretending by myself were some of my preferred activities as a kid.

[Cathy]

We don't have a DS. La (age 7) has a gameboy of the previous generation that plays Gameboy Advance games (which seem to be hard to find now). It was lost for a good year or so. When DH cleaned out the car, it got put into a bag and into our closet. He found it when he was making room in the closet for holiday gifts. Still haven't found the power cord.

She's working on saving up for a DS. It's such a holy grail, that it can't be good, but she seems to be accepting that we're not just going to up and buy one for her.

We have a deck of Brain Quest in her age for when we're waiting at restaurants. They are pretty age specific, so it'd be harder to do with kids 5 years apart.

You could probably do all sorts of old-school road trip games on the subway - GHOST, My Aunt is going on a vacation...., stuff like that.

Instead of a DS, you might think about an e-reader for the subway ride.

[maria]

I'm definitely against the personal video games. But we don't even have a tv. And I admit that I let my daughter play games on my iPhone when necessary. And, like SarcastiCarrie, there are people who sneer at me for being so strict and paranoid and … whatever it is. On the other hand there are people who sneer because my daughter eats sugar and doesn't like vegetables. There's no winning the Parent Popularity Contest.

Some ideas for non-screen subway distractions: State capitals, world capitals, poems and tongue twisters, that game where one person starts a story and the next person continues it…

[Suzanne]

My brother (single, no kids, lots of disposable income) got my 2.5 year old daughter an ipod Touch for Christmas and on our flight home from my mother's house I was silently thanking him the whole way. We loaded it up with a few movies and some toddler games, pictures of her and her favorite people, and some of her favorite music. I think as with most everything as long as there are limits for amount of usage and appropriate times it's ok to indulge your kids once in a while. That said, my parents didn't let us have video games (though Atari was pretty much all that was available way back then) and I don't feel as though I have deep emotional scars from being deprived.

[melissa in NY]

We held out on the DS until my son's Communion last year. He has limits on it and it stays in the linen closet on the first floor when not in use. So far, so good!

[Slim]

I am generally down on screen time of whatever sort (nothing makes me crazier than people who announce piously that they don't have a TV but then say they watch movies on their computers or love their other techie amusements), but I also don't want to be a hypocrite, and it's not as though I spend all my time improving each shining moment. So a kid who wants a DS enough to save his allowance for it can have one, but it's still a weekends and long trips treat.

[Gina]

@caramama, ha, ha, ha! I have the same standards - no games, facebook at work - but I totally blog. Ah well.

I have a 3 yo and 9 month old and we are quite strict about electronic-type things. No computer games, very limited TV, very limited Wii, dvds in the car/plane only for trips longer than one hour, no electronic toys with batteries (save a Duplo Lego train) whatsoever.

That said, I think some relative will probably buy the boys some sort of handheld game at some point and I will let them keep it - with limits. I am a total introvert (as is my older son) and don't like group anything very much at all (even the Wii) so I understand the desire to play by one's self. I am really impressed with all the creative things you have found to pass the time on your commute so far. It seems that a long commute would be a good way to use a handheld (with limits) - you wouldn't want to stop doing all the other neat stuff that you are doing with the kids. Although it's hard on you to come up with new material, I will be that one day they will fondly remember all the fun things they used to do with mom to pass the time on the subway.

[Sara]

My first reaction is while I'm pro-gaming, I definitely would limit the time spent on a hand-held. And yet... my daughter (who's only 2 right now) sees me on my blackberry for work a lot, we have no problem letting her watch a 1/2 hour of Dora here and there. When she gets to be the age for DS or PSP, I don't see why not.

As a child I did a LOT of reading. Like inside on a lovely summer day, reading reading reading on my own. It drove my mom crazy and she'd constantly bug me to go out and play with the other kids. Reading is a solitary thing (eventually, like a pp said), but it isn't something parents ever seem to worry about. Unless perhaps it gets too isolating and excessive. All in moderation, perhaps?

[Allison]

There are TONS of multi-player and mildly "educational" games on handhelds.

[flea]

My daughter asked about a DS for a while when she was 5 (actual quote: "How old do I have to be in our house rules to get a Tendo DS?") I think she was seeing ads on TV (which we watch too much of, although Tivo has helped us cut back). But after I saw her play with a flat rock and a 3-inch piece of plastic trash for several hours, *pretending* that was a DS, I realized it wasn't something that would really engage her. She is rarely bored by herself - sits and sings and makes up songs and thinks on long car rides. (Now, would I have paid you cash money for an in-car DVD player to keep the 3 year old from running as amok as one can run while strapped into a car seat on our recent holiday 10-hour drives? You betcha.)

[paola]

What's wrong with books?

[Rosie]

Look at it this way. How is a DS similar to or different from a book? When I was a child, I took a book with me everywhere, and always had my nose in a book. I still do. And yes, I do consider myself an introvert, but I would venture a guess that that is a cause, not an effect.

Reading books opened up new worlds to me and exposed me to new ideas. I cannot speak to a DS, but perhaps they can have a similar effect.

[Geek in Rome]

I'm old-fashioned and vote books. My best friend from elementary school who was another bookworm like me at school, well, she and her two tweens came to visit and during the whole (boring adult talk) dinner at a restaurant the two girls quietly read and were as happy as can be. Somehow I found that more positive than two kids with handheld games...

But you can't make your kids read if you don't and I know families that are super high-tech gamers and it's natural the kids will be, too.

I don't think it's right to "deprive" your kids of something you love doing (Wii etc). It's a good way to show limits and how it can be a tool that's used positively.

[JL]

our daughter got a ds when she was 6 (8 now). She plays it sometimes & even plays it w/ friends sometimes. but, it's not the only things she does. she often will choose a book instead if we're going to be out & about. Even without really specific rules, she seems to have been able to moderate her playing. There are times (car, subway, certain restaurants she doesn't love) where it just makes all of us happier & i can't feel too badly about that.

[Sarah S. Chicken]

I was on a camping trip once where at least 5 preteens were sitting around the campfire each holding a DS and communicating through that rather than thru talking. I know a lot of us adults were reading but it seems a little different to me. My children have barely noticed the existence and if they do we would be extremely limiting with use. We have a policy of no games/tvs in the bedroom and this would go along with that, and if we had one the kids would still be required to be polite and interact with people. Any time kids have an excuse to go into their own world, they will, and I believe as a parent part of my responsibility is teaching them what behaviors are appropriate for different settings. :)

[Cloud]

I think using these things to combat boredom on subway rides is just fine. Look at what adults do with that time.

I also have a fried who uses the PSP as a way to help ensure good behavior when the kid needs to come along for things that are not likely to be fun for him- like out to dinner with friends who don't have kids. I think that is fine too.

As PPs have said- the key is limits.

And @caramama- the flash-based games sites are often infected with viruses. AskMoxie is not. So there you have a valid reason why it is OK to read your blogs but not to go to games sites at work, provided by the person who had to write the policy on this sort of things for her company. Blogs are OK under our policy. Games are not.

[Shandra]

It's so funny because my bias would be if there are two of you, you should be *really* playing! Video games are for when you want to be left alone/don't have the opportunity to *really* play with others!

:)

But about the DS, no clue. We became an iPhone/iPod Touch family over the holidays and immediately discovered kid games in the apps store and now my 4 year old knows how to play some of them....eeek.

For the commute, I'd read a chapter book out loud (quietly) I think. I'm assuming you often get seats 'cause otherwise the DS wouldn't work either right?

[caramama]

@Cloud - Let's pretent that's the reason! Thanks for the good excuse!

@Gina - Glad I'm not alone!

[JCF]

My kids aren't old enough yet, but I could see them having their place if there are some rules in place (I feel this way about any screen-time for kids). My inclination would be for a time limit plus something like Moxie's cooperation rule. My sister's kids do not have these rules, and I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to rip Wii controllers out of their hands over Christmas break, because I was so damn sick of listening to the fighting.

I think some of my aversion comes for having been a teacher, but it drove me up the wall when kids had video games/cell phones/iPods that they would try to sneak in school and play with under desks, etc. If my kids ever have a portable video game system (whatever is available and popular in a few years), I will have a strict no-school rules (also because I'd be worried about things getting stolen or lost).

[heather]

I didn't grow up with video games of any sort (although we were one of the first families to have a computer -- remember the VIC 20?!), plus I am not a fan of video games now (sorry, Moxie!). However...I do think there's a time & place for them.

Moxie, perhaps if your kid(s) do get one, bring in on the subway and while you're teaching/conversing/playing a game with one kid, the other can play the videogame. Then after a set period of time, switch. It might be interesting to see what your boys prefer!

[Raia]

I actually think that it's important for people, including kids, to be able to engage in solitary activities. Video Games are not my first choice, but also not my last. So long as everything else is proceeding well - schoolwork is in order, good friends, activities, etc., I would allow it, with some appropriate limits, though I'm not sure about what I would consider the 'right' age since my son is still too young. Suzanne, can your bro be my uncle, too?

[sueinithaca]

I'm agnostic, but have to agree that I have a knee-jerk reaction to a kid with a game system in his hand vs one quietly reading a book. It might be because I *hate* video games and all the ping-ping noises drive me nuts. Growing up, my brother played them incessantly (he's now a successful physician, but just as annoying as ever) and it drove me crazy. My older child is 5 and has shown no interest, even though her best friend's house is packed with a Wii, a big screen tv, and several handheld systems. The younger, almost 3, seems much more likely to be interested when he gets older. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

About a year ago, we got rid of our big tv and cable. We now have a 13 inch tv, a dvd player, and a netflix subscription. Limiting screen time has been good for us in many ways, but one of the most valuable is that I don't worry as much about exposure when they visit friends (or have indoor recess at school). I still maintain rules about content (esp because the older is very sensitive) but don't have to worry about telling other parents not to let her watch/play too much (or get mad if I find out she's been plugged in all afternoon). It's worked well for us.

[Perceval]

I would second the iPod Touch / iPhone. There are plenty of apps for everybody, you can change settings to disable adult apps for kids, and some apps can be very educational or inspire interaction (helping write letters, play games, talk about content).

In addition to books, of course, but my 4-year-old iPod Touch freak is also a bookworm, and loves being read to.

[hush]

Everything in moderation, right? Etiquette still matters at least a little bit, right?

I don't know. I've been around way too many kids & their parents lately who think it is ok to be playing on their DS or texting (the parents, not the kids) at the dinner table where (I think) we're supposed to be having one of those nice conversations. I'm the kind who would never say anything, so DH and I just exchange that special "WTF?!" look between us. I think we're in the minority though.

Maybe it's a function of parents assuming if the kids weren't gaming, they'd be running all over the place or something? Well, if that's the case I am all in favor of kids running all over the place! Though I also tend to think this is another future iteration of the How I Want to Parent in Theory vs. How I Need to Parent in Reality. Kind of like me and my failed attempts at exclusive breastfeeding, cloth diapering, no TV, no cheap plastic crap etc etc until life happened and things didn't go quite as I had planned and we needed to make other choices. I can totally see our son playing the DS or its spawn like 4 years from now because we just wanted him to be quiet for a minute at somebody's special event, and first we borrowed it, then we owned it, now we have the bumpersticker.

[Claire - Matching Pegs]

I am pretty much with Hush.

I have seen too many families, our together, where everyone is buried in their own personal electronic device. My older two kids (9 and 7) have wanted a DS for 3 Christmases running, and Father Christmas has disappointed them 3 years running!

We have two Mac's at home, and they have timed access to play computer games. I figure that is enough.

When we need our kids to play quietly, (eg waiting at the pizza resturant to be served) we break out the pencil and drawing books for all three of them. This will even keep the 4 year old happy for a long time, if you draw with her.

I would be happier to have the kids buried in a book than in a DS.

I also think boredom is an important part of childhood - kids then learn to amuse themselves, and make up interesting games to play. Weather permitting they may even remember that their bikes are outside with their balls and trampoline. Or break out the junior Monopoly or Cludo.

Long Travel might be the only case where I feel differently. I think your plan for the subway is fantastic Moxie, but if you want them buried in anything, I suggest a book to read or draw in.

[After Words]

My 4 yo (who has and loves his Leapster) asked for a DS this year--he played one at a friend's house). I said no strictly because of price. I'm not terribly familiar with the DS, but both kids have Leapsters and I'm pretty liberal lending out my iPhone to them and I sorta feel like a videogame is a videogame. I'll revisit the possibility of a DS when he's older and less likely to trash a $150+ toy.

[Melissa]

My husband is a pretty big gamer and my daughter (almost 5) plays his DS. She can get very involved with it, but she also loves reading books, drawing pictures, playing imaginative games with her dolls, working with Play-Doh, dancing to music, etc. She has phases where she prefers one activity (including the DS) above others, but in general, it's just another toy. It's really not a big deal for us. For instance, right now it's lost somewhere in the house, and nobody cares.

[Summer]

For my son, I've let all the relatives know that I don't want him to have a portable gaming system. I am pro-technology, we have a Wii and my son uses my laptop daily, but for him, I know that a DS or similar would be terrible. It's already enough of a struggle to get him to socialize, and he has a tendency to get obsessive about computer games, so I've put my foot down and said he can't have a portable system.

I certainly don't judge other parents for letting their kids have them. My decision is based entirely on my son's personality.

[Tzipporah]

here's another way tothink of it: do you also object to your son immersing himself in a book? If not, what about an electronic book, like on Kindle? Is there something specifically bothering you about withdrawing into a video game, per se, and not just withdrawing in general?

[Jessica]

I personally can't wait until my 3-year-old (and 1-year-old, but that's longer from now) is old enough to care about a handheld. We take almost-monthly trips to see my family about 90 minutes away, and not only is the car ride boring, the family visit can be boring after a while, too. When he gets bored, he gets very difficult to manage and it's not that much fun an experience even for the grandparents/aunts/etc. If only he had something to do!!! Knowing my kid, it will keep him occupied for 10 or 20 minutes until he wants something else to do, but that's something, right? Yes, I want him to read, too, but he only knows three letters right now, so that's pretty far off, too.

I bought one of those LeapFrog Text & Learn things that looks like a smart-phone for him. I'm going to give it to him on our next long trip, and maybe limit it to long car rides and family visits, because then it will remain novel. I'm sure when the LeapFrog stuff turns into DS-or-whatever, he'll use it a lot, but I don't think I'll mind, unless/until it starts getting in the way of socializing and schoolwork. My husband is a gamer and works in the industry, and I like casual games, so it wouldn't make me too sad to see him enjoy them, too. :)

[Leanne]

My 6 year old got a DS earlier in the year. He didn't use it much until he hit on the right game (franchise): Lego Star Wars. From day one he played that game obsessively and I let him. In the six months he's been playing he has learned valuable lessons about stick-to-it'd'ness, practice resulting in improvement. He has experienced great highs of accomplishment when he masters skills in the game. His Lego Star Wars interest has led to an interest in building Lego which is improving his small motor skills (something his teacher has asked that we encourage) as well as the excitement involved in sourcing, building and finishing fairly large scale projects. He has also gotten into drawing and story writing using the SW characters.

So, I don't mind if he plays a lot on it. He doesn't lack for active play. He has found accomplishment through his gaming and is refining skills. Obviously, I support personal gaming systems :)

[Laura]

My boys are 6 and 8 and in my experience it just depends on the kid. We have a Wii but decided not to go the DS route because the boys were early, avid readers. As many others have mentioned, books and portable hand-helds serve a similar purpose when it comes to wanting your child to engage in quiet, solitary activity. For us, books work great. I also didn't want one more thing to have to limit, and I don't feel the need to limit their reading. Now that the 8 yr old is reading big, heavy books (Harry Potter, etc.), I'm thinking of getting him a kindle for portability.

Definitely no judgement though... you gotta do what works with your kid and keeps you from going crazy. I thank my lucky stars every day that my kids love to read.

[MemeGRL]

I caved on the Leapster (we're stockholders!) and even with the educational games, I felt like what it was really teaching my sons was how to play handheld video games. Both are risk averse and love winning (who doesn't?) so they refuse to go off level one on anything and become bored quickly. We use them for all the classic things--plane trips, car trips (grandparents' mountain house is over 3 hours away), waiting during appointments, etc. But again, while I console myself that my little one has learned lots of dinosaurs from the Digging for Dinosaurs one, the C*ars game really just taught my kids how to use the stylus and make things on screens obey buttons pushed. Which pushed mine a bit as you can probably tell.
I don't object in general either. And I want my kids conversant, if not expert, in topics their peers are talking about (Sonic, Mario Brothers, etc.). But overall? I'm looking forward to the Wii more than any other handhelds.

[Jena]

My 4 year old got a Leapster for Christmas and we caved and got my 7 year old a DS. I knew my 4 year old would not have a problem with excessive use of the Leapster since he is not a big TV watcher and I was right. He may play with the Leapster 3 times a week, max. And the deal we established with my 7 year old is that he can play the DS for 30 minutes a day only after he reads for 30 minutes (this was actually in a "note" left from Santa Claus). This has worked like a charm. He was a good reader to begin with and for school, had to read at least 10 minutes a night. Now he is reading 30 minutes every day and I can already see a ton of improvement in his reading. I don't mind that he's playing the DS for 30 minutes every day as long as it's tempered with the reading.

[lisa]

My boys are 5 and 2 and once I save up enough they're getting a shared iPod Touch so they stop stealing my iPhone. They love it and we have a ton of free games and educational apps, plus they can watch short videos. Even the 2 year old can find his favorite game ("Match! Match!" - a memory type game with animals) and play it without help. It's pretty easy to limit their time with it.

I am against buying anything that requires you to spend more money to make it work (DS, Leapster, etc).

[momofthree]

I think there *is* a difference between books and games. The research is, I think, pretty clear. They use different parts of your brain, develop different kinds of thinking skills, contribute to the development of language differently. Thoughtful people can differ about the relative acceptability of both activities, but I don't think it is accurate to think of them as basically the same thing.

[Shelley]

We have a Leapster for my 5-y-o, and it is a great thing on long car/plane rides (we have a headphone set for plane use). She'll play with it some other times too, but it is absolutely not something she uses in excess -- if it were I'd limit it.

She does get some practice with phonics and math skills, and the Write & Draw game is pretty creative in a very non-traditional way for a video game.

All that said, we will never ever ever ever get an Xbox or similar that attaches to the TV -- a Wii, however, is probably in our future because it is more social.

[Shalini]

I think it's okay as long as it's used infrequently... i.e. not at home when they're supposed to be doing homework etc.. but on a long commute, car trip.. why not?

Plus the DS has GREAT games (some educational as well)

and the upside is that you can borrow it... I've seen this mind-teaser game... it's got a long name to it.. but it looks like a LOT of fun!

We LOVE the Wii, and have had a PS3 since it came out... Our girls aren't really much into gaming yet.. though the MarioKart game the 4 year old loves...

Don't cave in so either kids can "keep up with the Jones".... only if it's something to keep your sanity on the long commutes.

Good luck with your decision! :)

Also growing up my parents only used to let us play on the weekends (after HW was done).. and in the summer it was unlimited playing on Nintendo (8-bit... yes I know I date myself)... but I don't think I was messed up because of it... But I think you will have more of an issue with boys, because all these video games are heavily marketed towards boys/men...