Kindness

I'm a little tapped out. Family friend was victim of a brutal attack in broad daylight yesterday (and apparently people drove by watching it happen), and another quake in Haiti, and just everything else. I had a great post in my head for yesterday about newborn poop but it never made it from my head through my fingers, but I'll work on it for tomorrow.

Here's something: I feel like I want to cry, but crying has never ever made me feel better. Thanks to all of you and having the space here to figure it out, I put it together that I'm a Tension Increaser, so crying only makes me feel worse.

Also, I'm trying to figure out something concrete to do about Haiti, and have a few friends with ties there. So when it presents itself to me I'll let you know.

I guess we need a topic for today: What's the kindst thing you've witnessed in the past 24 hours?

Comments

[Claudia]

I've got one! I received a box of 4 cans of pumpkin yesterday from a friend (who I have actually never met; internet friend). It was totally unexpected and so very sweet, since I can't get pumpkin where I live.
It really helped lift me out of a bad space; I've had very disturbing dreams the past two nights, and it really felt like it was affecting my psyche.

Moxie: so sorry to hear about your friend. I hope they are ok, and the perpetrator is caught.

[Meg]

My 2 year-old daughter had a ball making my 8 month-old son laugh this morning. He was tired and cranky, so she started making funny noises and faces for him w/o even being asked. Made my day!

[caramama]

The kindest thing in the last 24 hours was my husband going in to work a little late and taking my daughter for a half hour this morning to let me have a little more sleep. (Tough night last night, although sleep training has been generally going great, and the night before he woke up only twice!)

The most awesome kindest thing recently is that my SIL is coming over one night a week to take nighttime baby duty, letting me and/or my hubby get sleep!

@Moxie - I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I hope your friend is okay. I can't believe that people just watched it happen. I'll never understand that.

[Katherine]

My 3 year old voluntarily (even enthusiastically) shared her lollipop with her little sister.

[Rudyinparis]

Let’s see, the last 24 hours… I have recurring ear problems and tremendous fear and anxiety of having doctors do anything with them. I saw an ear doctor yesterday and he was so kind and respectful. Plus, he made them better. Also, DH and had a quote unquote romantic encounter (with each other even) last night that was pretty nice, as well!

[rd]

In the last 24 hours I'v seen:

• a mom squirting herself in the face with juice trying to put a straw in one of those blasted capri sun drink bags

• the video of Neda being shot by a member of the Basij militia in the Iran election protests

• our mailman waving at me from his truck window

• hoards of joggers, reminding me I need to get to the gym

• my two year old's face as he swooped in to give me a goodnight kiss

[Shelley]

My darling husband attempted to take an interest in my crosstitch project, and otherwise uttered those most welcome words about some stuff that's bothering me: "I understand."

[rd]

I would just like to note- I thought the question was "things we have seen". I apologize for listing the video as it was not kind in the least. It made me ill. I'm sorry for not seeing the question completely.

[Raia]

Sorry to hear about your friend...that's horrifying.

I'm warmed by the reports from Haiti (amidst the reports of security issues) that talk about the people who are looking out for each other, sharing food, water and shelter. Also am so happy to read about the donations of time and money from around the world. So many people are talking about adopting orphans from Haiti. I urge you to really look into that. Haitian adoptions usually take a couple of years, not days, but those that are orphans today will still be orphans in 2-3 years and what a difference having a family would make to any young child in this situation.

[Becky]

There was a mom's coffee at Starbucks last night that I thought I wasn't going to be able to attend because yesterday was day 10 of 13 of my husband being out of town, and hiring a babysitter to go out to coffee just didn't seem quite worth it. One of my best friends here is the organizer and her husband was already watching their 2.5yo, and he offered to watch my 3yo as well. I didn't realize how much I needed to get out and be with just some grownups for awhile until I almost cried leaving their house.

[mom2boys]

I'm at home with a puking toddler and my best friend stopped by with coffee for me this morning. (No coffee maker in the house, SO can't stand the smell). It was simple and thoughtful and much appreciated.

I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. That's awful!

[Michelle]

My 10 month old son has been sick AND teething at the same time. So needless to say, we've had a rough couple of days and sleepless nights lately. A good friend called yesterday to tell us she wants to bring us dinner tonight to help give us a break.

[Nancy]

Well, I read this parenting blog sometimes and today the subject is kindness, which happens to be a favorite of mine, and which brought tears to my eyes. Discussing kindness feels like kindness to me.

[Susan]

My mother-in-law came in from out of town to take care of my sick baby for the week so I can go to work, and last night, she took my baby and let me get six hours of uninterrupted sleep. I am now sane again, and I want to buy her a new car or ... something. Saint Mother-in-Law, that's her name.

[Stacy]

Along with several dozens of co-workers, I donated blood this morning. Even though it doesn't really feel like I'm doing anything so wonderful, it's nice to hear how thankful everyone is to people who donate.

[Shelby]

my two year old asked at breakfast, "what's the matter?" As I said, "mommy's tired because DS got up early" I just felt the tension release. :)

Please consider donating to Partners in Health in Haiti, www.pih.org. They've been on the ground in Haiti for like 20 years, run by Paul Farmer, public health genius (and MacArthur grant recipient), and the subject of Mountains beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder. Their health clinic has not been damaged, so they are seeing the majority of patients in the country.

[Becca]

I love this topic! I have two:

1) I was not able to breastfeed my son due to breast hypoplasia, which I didn't know I had. I have been seriously grieving this loss but nobody in real life seems to understand. Yesterday I wrote about it on an anonymous confession site and there was a HUGE outpouring of support from total strangers...they made me cry with their kindness and understanding. I feel like I can finally start to get past this.

2) I saw a woman walk up to a very dirty, very smelly homeless man (everybody else was making a wide circle around him) outside the grocery store, ask him if he wanted something to eat, and then walk inside and buy the man lunch.

[Cloud]

I'm so sorry about your friend.

I think the most useful thing I could do for the people in Haiti was donate money. I chose to give to UNICEF, and they have been sending these update emails with reports from their people on the ground. It is nice to read about what is going right there, even if I know that more help is needed.

Nicest thing- Hubby took the baby, who is still getting over a cold, so very noisy even when asleep, into the other room for 5 solid hours last night and let me sleep. I feel much better. I know that he would have given me the whole night (like I did for him a few nights ago) if he could have, but that wouldn't work with Petunia's current nursing schedule.

Also, somebody at work lent me an umbrella yesterday so that I wouldn't get drenched in the rare SoCal winter storm when I went to my doctor's appointment.

[Jill]

Just got back from the vet, where the assistant carried my dog around and intoduced her to everyone in the place.

Sorry about the sadness Moxie. Hang in there. Spring is coming.

[Tonina]

Let's see, in the past 24 hours....

*I heard from a teenage friend of mine (yes, you read that right) that he wants to give up his room so that a Haitian parent and child can stay with his family while the child receives medical treatment and a prosthetic limb. His family has a connection to the work of Elissa Montanti, who is traveling to Haiti as she has to the sites of other disasters and wars. She runs a terrific group if anyone is looking for a way to help some of the neediest Haitian children. http://www.gmrfchildren.org/About_Founder.html

*My four year old came in and hugged and kissed his two favorite stuffed animals and me before he ran off to go to school.

*My husband stayed home from work to help me when I fell while cooking and hurt my ankle.

I'm awfully sorry about your friend, Moxie. How people can just walk by while something terrible happens in front of them is beyond me. I can understand being afraid to intervene physically, but at least call the police immediately, and make it obvious that you're doing so!

[anaximander]

In the last 24 hours my boyfriend sent me flowers after going home to texas for four months - my very favourite version of my very favourite flower. The... ahem... significant ring I want is on sale, and he said that he's going to buy it, as well.

The best, and nicest, and kindest thing was from my doctor, who had been on leave for a year. She told me to quit stressing about my weight, and to ignore other doctors who told me to - that it's a symptom of my disease and that there is nothing I can do about it - to focus on what makes me feel better and just screw everybody else's opinion. The last temporary doctor I'd seen refused to listen to my symptoms and instead told me to get bariatric surgery.

[Katie B.]

My doula mentor let me come over and cry on her shoulder about a friend/client's preterm labor and short notice c-section yesterday (which I was unable to be there for).

[meggiemoo]

I had a consultation this morning with the 2 dentists in my practice about some serious upcoming oral surgery, and they were so sweet and kind to me I almost burst into tears (I have a bit of phobia about dental work). This is the first time I've had female dentists, and I adore them.

Despite the tragedies ongoing in Haiti, I have seen much kindness there as people attempt to help. I've donated to the Red Cross, but wish I had the type of job where I would be called upon to fly in and help.

[Torrey]

My baby girl learning to blow kisses... sort of. =)

[Kate]

The person I just bought lunch from genuinely smiled and said have a nice day, which made ME genuinely smile and mean it when I wished her a nice day.

Sometime's it's the simple things. :)

[paola]

My 3 year old run to help her 12 month old friend up when he fell. Guess she's over the jealousy phase.

[Foster]

The kindest thing I have seen in 24 hours has been the USA bringing the BRESMA orphans up here to Pittsburgh. Having everyone in this city calling CYF asking what they can do & if they can take a kid in. It's been incredible.

[Kate]

One - I got a lovely, wonderful thank you note from someone, which was so thoughtful and made me feel as though I'd done something good and was really a part of this terrific community.

Two - I was very upset about something, and my 5-year-old son patted my knee and asked if I needed a snuggle. Sweet boy.

I'm so very sorry about your friend, Moxie.

[elizabeth]

Truly I come here for kindness. In a new parenting world where it seems everyone judges you and compares their child to yours, your site has been a balm of warm smart women who are thoughtful, articulate and kind.
I'm grateful to have this to turn to when I need it and to give in turn when I can.
So sorry for your friend.
Its not kind but sweet and heartwarming(at least I think so) my sweet boy is learning sign language and has learned "more" but thinks it means nurse. It will work for us but will confuse everyone else!

[anna]

Not really kind but gave me a good laugh: When I told my daughter (3 today!) last night that I had to teach a yoga class - the normal Wed. night routine- she promptly ran over to the yoga mat that was set up and peed on it.

Update on what some of us can do kindness-wise, I just spoke with the Human Milk Bank donation collection center in Denver 877-458-5503 and they were wonderful. So maybe lactating moms or those who have frozen milk (minimum of 150 ounces!) can call and breathe goodness and peace and love into their liquid gold; most likely it will be for babies in the US but there is the chance that UNICEF or other organizations will call from Haiti and be prepared to transport and distribute milk to the hundreds, possibly thousands of little ones who desperately need it.

[sfsaf]

This morning, on the slippery streets of Seattle, a motorcyclist went down on his bike. He was probably hurt and shocked and he could not get his bike upright. The guy in the truck in front of me jumped out of his vehicle immediately, helped the guy up and moved his bike and made sure he was o.k.

Everyone stopped and no one honked (a few impatient folks drove around it) but it was a good samaritan act and it made me feel good to see it.

And I had just been wondering about the guy in front me in his truck because he had a bumper sticker that said, "Hatefist" and I couldn't figure it out but was happily surprised to see the guy quickly lend a hand...reminded me not to judge a book by it's cover.

Last night my husband and I talked about adopting an orphan from Haiti if the possibility arises....

[blue]

My neighbor plowing my (very long, very snowy) driveway for the third time in a month, just because.

My daughter offering me her last M&M, just because she thought I might want it.

My husband offering to take both kids for two days straight so I could visit my mom.

[Emily]

I gave birth to our first baby (a boy) last Monday. My mom took this week off from work and flew out here to help around the house. In the last 24 hours she has cleaned, done laundry, shopped for groceries, and cooked - all while cooing, taking pictures, and generally increasing the love level in our lives.

That plus my perfect baby boy, which is, in itself, a kindness visited on our family.

Feel better!

[Meika]

I agree with elizabrth - I come here for kindness and encouragement as well. Whether it's parenting or something else that's causing me stress, you (Moxie) and all you wise women are a continual encouragement to me.

As to kindness, a stranger in the gym offered me the most genuine, joyful smile while walking past me today. Such a small thing brightened my day so much.

[Meika]

Um. That should read "elizabeth", not "elizabrth." My one-handed typing skills aren't so up-to-snuff.

[Starsatnight]

I am a kindergarten teacher, and am proud to say that the kindest thing I saw today was courtesy of a 5-year old. I have a little boy -- "Mikey" -- in my class who really struggles with anything that requires holding a pencil and forming letters. Today during a small group activity, I looked over and saw his work partner gently supporting Mikey's hand and wrist with her own hand, so he could properly control his pencil strokes and contribute his fair share to the activity. No ridicule, no questions, just one little hand holding another. I tear up just thinking about it.

[Rachel]

I think that not all crying is equal - and you might possibly be doing yourself a disservice unequivocally thinking that crying will increase your tension. Tears of hopelessness or frustration might not help a situation, and may, indeed, increase your tension ("something needs to be done", is what your body is saying - "crying won't help")- but tears of grief and sadness do need to be shed, I think, or they amass and begin to feel like an awful burden.....

[Cloud]

Aw, @Starsatnight, you just made me cry at work. Good thing I'm in the lactation room where no one can see me. I hope you tell that little girl's parents this story.

@Foster- I cried when I heard that those orphans made it to the US, too.

OK, maybe I cry a lot these days. Damn hormones.

@sfasf- I liked your story, too. But I had to google Hatefist. It is a band.

[Barb @ getupandplay]

I am so sorry about your friend. And I'm so sorry that crying doesn't make you feel better- it is my go-to solution for releasing tension. I hope you have another way to release it and begin to feel better.

I have been overwhelmed by the kindness of people reaching out to Haiti in small and large ways- Etsy sellers donating 100% of their proceeds, for example.

@starsatnight- what a great moment to have witnessed! I love the kindness that children exhibit so freely!
On a more personal note, I am blessed by the kindness of my family who take turns watching my baby while I am in school.

[Nicole]

At the preschool co-op today, one of the oldest three year olds offered his help to one of the youngest. So nice to hear his little voice say, "I'll help you." :)

[Suzie Q]

Moxie, what happened to your friend is just unimaginable. I'm so sorry.

As for the kindness... well, this morning, my daughter was REALLY excited when our babysitter arrived. They generally adore each other -- but sometimes the morning hand-off can be tricky, especially as the little one has been quite clingy to Mommy lately. So to hear her sweet voice exclaim, "I'm going to play with Miss S! I'm SO excited!" just warmed my heart, and I know Miss S was tickled pink to get such a warm welcome.

[G'smum]

Our children's librarian at the local library welcomed my daughter and I to her baby sing along group ... which was extra special kind because the other moms were all into themselves and not too welcoming...

[lucee]

I love crying.
Money is the best thing for Haiti...anything else just has trouble getting through at the moment, perhaps when the dust settles we can all start thinking about clothes etc, but for now Medicins Sans Frontier Red Cross and Mercy Corps all say $.
The most radiant act of kindness in the last 24 hours; 100 plus people all gathered at Shambhala NYC center meditating and then exchanging stories of a moment in our lives when we all felt tremendously human. A big clarion bell that happiness is within not without and we are all innately....good. Meditation has saved my life, without equivocation

[Anon this time]

Conversation at breakfast this morning: my daughter, who is about to pick out a toy at the store as a reward, said she was going to pick the same toy she'd picked last time. Why? "That way Matthew (her brother) can have one, too."

My brother caring for his new daughter, and for his wife, who still has blurred vision from severe preeclampsia.

Love actually is all around.

[hush]

Moxie, my heart goes out to you & yours who care about your dear friend who mercifully survived.

Actually, come to think of it, you sharing your feelings about what happened to your friend is definitely one of the kindest things I've witnessed in the last 24 hours.

Now for a random one. I'm a big original "Star Trek" TV series fan, and I love William Shatner probably a little more than can be considered normal. We have his Comedy Central Roast permanently tivo'd. I just heard about his relatively new show on Biography called "Shatner's Raw Nerve." It's basically an unscripted 30 minute conversation between Shatner and various celebrities. I watched 5 episodes this morning, and I was totally blown away by what an amazing listener he is. I finally get why he is so beloved in the entertainment industry despite (let's face it) not being a "good" actor. His tone just exudes kindness and warmth. He is seriously my new role model for how to talk with people.

[Flo]

Yes, kindness! It's the most wonderful and important thing in the world and so underrated as a desirable quality in people (a quality which I think people on this site display in abundance).

Moxie, as Rachel as has said, I think it's really important and necessary to cry when bad things happen, to cry out of acknowledgement of grief and sadness.

It may not make you feel better, but I think that some events are due a proper emotional response.

What happened to your friend deserves to be grieved over. And certainly the events in Haiti deserve that too.

[ccr in MA]

Last night I met a cat I'm bringing home tomorrow. He's a rescue, living in a small room because the other household cats chase him, all sorts of reasons to be scared, and he was so laid-back and relaxed I could feel myself relaxing. I think he's going to be good both for me and for the neurotic cat I already have.

[Jessica]

The cashier at Ralph's suggested to the woman in front of me that since she had a few dollars left on her WIC check, she might like some oranges or something, then sent the bagger off to get them, then went through the trouble of weighing out exactly how many oranges the woman could get with what she had. And no one in line complained about waiting the extra minute.

And not in the last 24 hours, but this weekend, we went whale-watching with the 3-year-old and one-year-old, fully accoutered with large stroller. I holding the one-year-old, my husband corralling the three-year-old... one of the other passengers picked up the stroller for me and lifted it off the boat and onto the ramp.

[Jac]

Yesterday, my husband:

1. Took the afternoon off when our nanny was unavailable, without any negotiation about who was busier or less able to take the time away from work.

2. Made homemade pizza (including dough from scratch) with DS so that when I came home from work, dinner was made and DS was in a super good mood from getting to help daddy in the kitchen.

3. Cleaned up the entire dinner mess while I cuddled and read books with DS on the couch.

4. Told me without reservation last night to pursue my dream of self-employment, not to worry about the loss of my current income because he would happily work some longer hours to make up the difference in the meantime.

5. Told me as I was getting changed for bed last night that I looked like I had lost weight :)

[maria]

I googled around about adopting Haitian orphans and what I read was that it's not appropriate to consider it at this point because many many children may or may not be orphans and it is illegal to adopt them unless it is ascertained for sure that they are, and even then they should be placed with extended family if at all possible. It's understandable, the trauma of moving to an entirely new culture, climate, everything, on top of the trauma they've already been through could just make things worse.

I don't know what to think about this advice. On one hand it seems eminently sensible and prudent; on the other I just want to protect those little babies!