Self-help

Who's tired? I'm tired. I thought everything was under control (in a limited fashion) and then a whole bunch of stuff fell off the track!

Yesterday was supposed to be Primal Scream Wednesday, but then the Wednesday babysitter (the "spirits ambassador") gave me less than a day's notice that she couldn't work Wednesday. And all our other babysitters were sick or working, and this is my kids' dad's super-crunch week at work, so I was the one who went in for 90 minutes and then took a personal day, featuring no posting access.

January 4 is going to be a relief.

Anyway, feel free to post a primal scream if you want. I'm instead going to try to think of what could make my day (and next two weeks) better *that I can actually control.* I know--novel.

Here's my list:

* more coffee

* suck it up and power through the 3-4 crappy work tasks that I need to finish but that keep getting pushed to the back burner

* accept help when people offer it! My MTTh babysitter invited us over for dinner tonight so I wouldn't have to cook! She's a peach. Other people have been offering nice things, so I'm going to accept.

* focus on what I'm doing, while I'm doing it. Don't borrow trouble.

What could make things better for you right now, that you can control?

Comments

[Jac]

Less internet time - more work time.

Less tv time - more Christmas prep time.

I need to find a way to show my DH I appreciate him. He has been completely awesome the last few months, but I've been pretty wrapped up in my own crap and can tell he is feeling under-appreciated.

[the milliner]

*Take everything one day at a time...especially as we push through ridding our household of stomach flu.

*Like @jac, Less TV time, more Christmas prep time. Thanks to the flu, I'm more behind than ever. Home sick still today, but L is back at daycare. So, tree, here I come.

*Giving myself permission to cancel my first overnight trip to celebrate a friend's 40th. She'll be disappointed. I would have liked to try a night away - oh the sleep! But trying to make it work at this point could tailspin us back into sickness the whole Christmas break. Which would be worse. Much worse.

*Write a love letter to my DH, whose 14 year transplant anniversary I completely forgot until I read his FB status update 2 days later. ARGH. How does this happen? OK, well I had the stomach flu, but still.

[Julie]

Stop having unrealistic expectations that a 38 year old man who has acted like a 14 year old for the 7 years I have known him will suddenly start acting his age. He won't. I need to get over it and lower my expectations.

I am learning to face head-on all the uncomfortable, stressful realities of my financial situation, and am discovering that if I just focus on the most immediate problem, I am much less stressed. So to try to just think about what is right in front of me, and worry about the stuff that is coming when it arrives. I am also discovering that slowly, these problems that seemed in such an impossible knot are unraveling and getting solved in this manner.

I am accepting offers from friends to bring dinner and wine/beer over to my house and allowing me to sit and bitch all I want. I have a wonderful group of friends. I normally don't like to "bother" people with my problems, but I can't afford therapy. So my friends are stepping in.

I am constantly amazed by the feeling of good fortune I have, despite all of the shit going on in my life. I feel truly lucky and hopeful on many levels and have a lot to be thankful for this holiday season. I want to allow myself the time and space to revel in that feeling. It feels wonderful.

[Judy B]

More help at work. I care for research animals, and they don't take holidays...but everyone else does! which leaves me with a lot to cover over the holidays.

But I'll make it through, I always do. At least I can look forward to a week off to start the New Year.

I could use hot chai/cocoa, some lovin', and a really thoughtful gift from hubby to make things better.

[caramama]

"* accept help when people offer it!"

That! That! That!

We've had some really great offers, and we are trying to figure out how to take people up on them.

I need a primal scream, so I'm going to go ahead with that:

We are having a rough week, and it's likely going to get worse before it gets better. Project Wean Baby From Swaddle and Move Into Nursery has begun. I'm not sleeping any worse than I was so far due to the project, but the 2.75 yo? Is of COURSE going through one of those very fun periods of disequalibrium, affecting our days and nights. Hubby and I are zombies and still have to work all day. I'm getting little done at work because I simply can't think straight.

Oh, and even with medication, I still hate the winters. Stupid SAD. Someday I'm moving to Florida.

Thank goodness the inlaws are in town and helping and my family has offered to help.

This too shall pass. It's all just a phase. It's a short time period in the grand scheme of things. Yada yada yada.

[Julie]

@caramama...come to California! I need a Moxie friend out here. Cloud is about 2 hours south of me I think, and we need more Moxites out here! Today it's supposed to be 72 degrees.

[maria]

Yes to less internet time, yes to accept help when people offer, and for me, find a way to make friends and be willing to share my troubles with them.

Along those lines, I have sort of promised my daughter that we could have a Christmas get-together/carol sing thingie at my house, and it's a double edged sword because who would have a party if they wanted less stress? But isolation is very bad so maybe it will be less net stress. I don't know. I haven't invited anybody yet and it's getting awfully late. Whenever I go to write the email I think about trying to get the house clean for people to come over and the wind goes out of my sails. So, encouragement for that would be most welcome!

Also, I'm seeing a dr. today about possibly getting antianxiety or antidepressant meds. Sigh, disappointing, but maybe it will help.

[mom2boys]

I'd like to let out a primal scream on behalf of my 27 month old who had three fall down, arms swinging, legs kicking, tears streaming meltdowns from the car into his daycare classroom this morning. His emotions are big, his body is small and why oh why can't everything just always go his way??? And why did I have to forget a hair tie on this morning of all mornings?
I'm leaving to go out of town for the weekend tomorrow and am stressed and I swear he's picking up on my anxiety even though I haven't said anything other than he'll be spending the weekend with his brother down at Nanna and Poppa's.
I've just got to relax and trust it will all be okay.
And I can post this here because no one I know reads this - my partner just realized that next weekend is Christmas and the nine year old should be with his dad since it falls on his weekend. Except she's made plans for all of us to be down at her parents including the nine year old. Only she hasn't run this by his dad. Who has never spent a Christmas weekend with his son since they've been divorced. And last year at this time the police were called over threats of not bringing the boy back Christmas eve as planned.
Relax - let it go. Not my fight. Breathing.

[caramama]

@Julie - Oh, how I wish I could. I dream of moving to San Diego. Unfortunately, hubby hates to fly and we like to visit our families pretty often. Families in Maryland and Virginia who also visit us and help us out so much.

But someday... It'll be Florida or California for sure!

BTW, I think lowering expectations is good advice for a lot of different areas in life, especially around the holidays. It can be hard to do, but so worth it. I'm constantly working on that.

Also, what you said about taking care of one thing at a time reminded me of something my client said recently. He said, "Figure out what is important and what is urgent. Take care of the important things first. The urgent things will take care of themselves." It's really true, if you think about it. And even though this was at work, he meant that the important things were family and health (based on our discussion).

[Rudyinparis]

Caramama, “Project Wean Baby From Swaddle and Move Into Nursery” made me grin!

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said “I’d rather be here now” and that made me smile, as well. So that’s my mantra for today and tomorrow as we leave on vacation on Saturday. Only other Moms understand the stress of getting ready for a vacation with the kids! So much to do, this week my head has been spinning. I’m just trying to be present and also keep in mind that this is GOOD stress. Preparations for a happy time.

[mom2boys]

@maria - have people over! Straighten a little and don't wory about the rest. It's always more fun than you think it will be and the benefits of singing/laughing with friends far outweigh the temporary stress of worrying about how the house looks. imo.

[Elaine]

My son is 19 months old and doesn't quite get Christmas yet -- and it's the first one without my mom. This is the last year I can be half-assed about the holiday and at the same time give myself a break to grieve a bit. I plan to take full advantage.

Also, it would help if I'd just learn to expect the passive aggressive crap from my mil. If I expect it, then it won't throw me as easily and hook me into the drama. So the plan is: make my boundaries, expect some childish retaliation, understand that her son will not recognize it, restate the boundaries. Repeat.

And my big sister will be here for a week. I can't believe how much I miss her.

[mo]

I'll just pipe in with my issues - I feel like Christmas is passing right over us. We have the tree and lights up but we haven't really had time to do the fun stuff like go to see the Christmas lights, etc. In fact, we really haven't done anything Christmas-y this month. And it is almost here so that makes me feel sad, overwhelmed and this feeling of urgency of finding the time to do some of those things...

On a happier note, my husband and I have been seeing a therapist and really seems to be working. A side result of that is I'm trying out anxiety meds (I guess I am well overdo). First one wasn't a fit (made me soooo tired and then I was an emotional wreck). Just started the new one and it made me completely spaced out yesterday. I'm scared it won't be the right one either. I am really hopeful that I could find the right one by New Years so maybe that could help me start next year off on such a positive note. It is all this work (therapy with my husband, pyshc appointments for me, etc.) that is taking our time from the holidays but I guess in the scheme of things a functional/happy marriage and a healthier, more normal mom are the best gifts we could give our kids and ourselves. Problem is neither is here yet, we are just in the middle of all the work to get there.

[paola]

@caramama

I'm definitely going to mozz myself here, but Zoe 'seems' to have turned the corner. She has just blossomed of late and has become a pleasure to have around ( which she was not up until a week ago, believe me). She plays by herself, has become accomplished at jigsaws, she reasons like an older child. And her sleep? Let me say, there has been a world of change here (and she was a really really atrocious sleeper this past year)

This has been a confirmation that it all really is just a stage. An exhausting, torturous stage, but something that does end, eventually. And in my experience, just around the kid's birthday, if that helps ( her last really awful stage ended miraculously just after her second birthday lastyear).

Just hang in there baby.

So as a result of the above, I'm the happiest I have been for the last 6 months!!!

I already have what would make my day better.

[Jac]

@the milliner - good idea re: love letter! When we first started dating (11 years ago this month! holy crap!) we wrote love letters all the time. It's probably been 8 years since I've done that.

[Chaya]

@maria...a laundry basket or several and a garbage bag...Don't sort just dump, and hide it somewhere else. Done. Trust me on that...my house is the messiest and we have tons of company because of my husband;s job. Then at some other point you can sort the basket, which is less overwhelming anyway then sorting from the floor. Any other imperfections...well, I just say that I am lowering the bar, so that other people can feel comfortable with their realistic looking homes. It's not nice to raise the bar high and make other people feel bad, right?

[caramama]

@maria - Do it! You'll be so glad you did. And don't stress over picking up. Just shove it all in a closet and deal with it later. Isn't that what everyone does? Oh, just me?

@mom2boys - Your son and my daughter both! Tuesday morning, she had 3 meltdowns while getting ready for pre-school, including one of EPIC proportions (why? Because I brushed her teeth anyway! Heaven forbid!). It's a tough stage, but we'll get through it. And the 9 yo... not your fight. Just support in whatever way is best for you guys and help your partner through it, but you can't fight that fight.

@Rudyinparis - :-) Good luck prepping for the vacation! I'm sure it'll be worth all the stress.

@mo - You'll get there! Keep trying the meds until you find the best one. Glad to hear that the therapy is helping.

@paola - Yeah for being the happiest you've been in 6 months! That's awesome! We are nearing the 3rd birthday (in March), so I'm hoping we turn a corner soon. Thanks for sharing how it's been with Zoe!

[SarcastiCarrie]

I took a vacation day yesterday to get a bunch of little things done yesterday and had another mom and her kid over to decorate Christmas cookies. The kids were not interested but the mom and I had a blast.

I called an actual, real live, person on the phone, and facing rejection, asked her to do something. And she said yes. Swoon. And she decorates a mean cookie. Her Thomas Trains look like Thomas trains. Mine look like a blue #1 with a smiley face.

[SarcastiCarrie]

And I hardly know her, but I didn't really clean before she came. I made sure it wasn't disgusting, but it was cluttered and the counters weren't wiped, but I just ignored it (I did wipe around the toilet because with boys in the house....even I have standards).

[maria]

Well, I've made a dorky invitation, and I can't fit everyone from my daughter's class (who are basically the only people we know around here) in our house, so I'm just leaving some people out, and I'm going to eat some lunch before I send it and commit myself.

I'm having a lot of doubts… no one will come, it's too short notice too close to Christmas, people don't like singing, blah blah blah. I'm trying to not listen to those voices.

[Rudyinparis]

Oh, good for you, Maria! It sounds really fun, truthfully.

[Cloud]

@maria- a variation on @Chaya's basket clean up is one of my permanent organization mainstays- cheap cloth bins (like this: http://www.target.com/Fabric-Storage-Bin-Dark-Large/dp/B0015E7RMY/sr=1-2/qid=1261071019/ref=sr_1_2/191-7042664-3828262?ie=UTF8&search-alias=tgt-index&frombrowse=0&index=target&rh=k%3Abins&page=1). I store toys and other random junk in them. So cleaning up is just a matter of "pick it up and throw it in a bin", and the bins go on shelves or under our footstool tings and the room looks neat in minutes.

@Caramama- oh yes! Move to San Diego! But in all fairness, LA is sunnier. We have "May gray" and "June gloom"- but you can always drive inland for some sun.

Anyway- I hope the sleep situation improves soon.

@Julie- we should totally set up a SoCal Moxie Meet Up some time. Maybe we could meet in the OC and pull from both LA and SD. I think there are a few of us out here.

My self help- just forgive Hubby for his recent snarkiness. I know its just lack of sleep. There's nothing there to talk about, so I should just let it go.

Also, we need to reinstate Friday night beers on the sofa to give us time to catch up with each other. The chores can wait.

[caramama]

@Chaya - "well, I just say that I am lowering the bar, so that other people can feel comfortable with their realistic looking homes. It's not nice to raise the bar high and make other people feel bad, right?" I LOVE IT!!!

@SarcastiCarrie - That is awesome! Sounds like such fun, too.

@maria - Yeah! Send it!

[the milliner]

@mom2boys - "His emotions are big, his body is small and why oh why can't everything just always go his way???" I LOVE THAT! A perfect description of my 18 month old too.

@caramama - "Project Wean Baby From Swaddle and Move Into Nursery". That totally made me smile. I feared Project Wean Baby From Swaddle. A lot. Swaddling worked so well for 10.5 months! But in the end, we transitioned in about 2 weeks total, and it wasn't a nightmare. Sending courage your way. And sunshine. It's snowy and really cold here, but bright.

@maria - Do it! Do it! Do it! Totally agree with the net stress theory. Laughter removes so much anyhow that you may end up in negative stress. Take all the shortcuts you need to. All you'll remember later is the fun time you had (not how clean & tidy your house was).

@mo - I know exactly what you mean about xmas. I've been feeling the same way. I'm trying now to focus on doing more Christmas-y things as we can for the next 1.5 weeks, and to not try to catch up on All That Was Not Done. Not worth the stress, and if we try to do too much, we won't have fun doing anything.

@Elaine - Had the same thought - that this is my last 1/2 assed year of holiday celebration (L is 18 months). My only excuses are lack of organization and forgetting that things take at least 3x longer than I think they do in my head. So, cheers to you on giving yourself a (much deserved) break.

OK, now back to decorating the Xmas tree.

[Julie]

@cloud - that would be a blast! I wonder why no one in CA is purchasing Moxie's work product which would require her to come out here and train. Moxie deserves a Southern California vacation.

[monkeymama]

Primal whimper here... My 7 m.o. was up almost all night with a cold. Wrestling her with the bulb syringe should be a new sport. DH moved into the spare bed so that I could try putting DD to sleep on her bouncy chair on the bed (so she could be somewhat upright). It worked... until mommy laying curled around the chair fell asleep and stopped rocking it. Pulled her back into bed with me and managed to get about 3 hours consecutive. Took my lack of sleep out on DH this morning (why did he get to sleep in the spare bed?? oh right, I have the boobs). The upside is that it's made me realize how much sleep I must be getting normally to feel this crappy. I'll get through it.

Heading to spend holidays with huge east coast family (both DH's and mine) and dreading being under a magnifying glass with said family for how we're raising DD (she's STILL in bed with you? are you feeding her AGAIN?). Upside: I have a great (if slightly nosy) family to spend the holidays with.

What can I control? My attitude!

@SarcastiCarrie - "blue #1 with a smiley face" cracked me up!

@Maria - Don't listen to the voices! Maybe invite just a few folks? Keep it small, intimate, and manageable, but festive enough for your LO?

@Elaine - hugs to you. Be kind to yourself this holiday... and good luck with the boundaries. I hear you on the passive-agressive stuff.

[AmyinMotown]

That I can control...hmmm....to just do my job and not stress about whether or not I will still have it in a few months.

To take a minute and appreciate what we have and just be grateful for a warm house, family, healthy kids, great pets.

To come to a decision on putting our house up for short sale or not.

To apply for as many jobs as I can, and contact as many new publications as I can. Just because most people aren't even giving me the dignity of a response won't mean that no one will, right?

[elizabeth]

I need my little one to sleep, for me, for him, for my marriage. We've tried everything reasonable and we are left with weissbluthe(Sp) after two weeks of no momma from 12ish to 6ish he still wakes up 3-5 times per night, the longest he's slept since his 4 month sleep regression is 5 hours and that has happened 2/3 times. Its just killing me, I feel like I'm failing him somehow. I don't know what the right thing to do is anymore, he is better on the nights where he does do better so I do think he has been sleep deprived, he's not teething....
I've read all the books tried different techniques and am just lost on this.

Other than that feeling very grateful for my family, friends, we are so fortunate really really fortunate!

[MrsHaley]

**To not borrow trouble. Tomorrow's evil is sufficient unto itself. TODAY is what matters. Right here. Right now. The past is over. Finished. Done. We are different now. The future could be ANYTHING. No day but TODAY! (sing it with me)**

Also, for those of you following along at home, the OB prescribed some antianxiety meds for the "PMS paranoia" problem. Trying to be patient for them to kick in, but feeling confident that they will help.

[Suzanne]

@Elizabeth - Just sending you big hugs and much commiseration. I wish I had answers, but alas, we're in a similar boat.

And no, you are definitely not failing him. Quite the opposite. For some reason, this is the way it needs to be for now.

Sending good vibes your way for many more 5+ hour nights in the near future.

[the milliner]

Oh, and can I just say that I hate putting the lights on the tree. I love the way they look after, but what a pain in the ass.

[Dawn]

I need to be in the moment more, not stressing about work or Christmas instead of sleeping, just for example.

@MrsHaley - no day but today, indeed! I love that show and hope your meds are helping.

[paola]

@elizabeth

When we sleep trained our 7 month old with a modified CIO method, it took us a whole MONTH for it to work. Have you seen any improvement at all? We managed to cut the 'wake up every 40 minute' thing out after 3 nights. This encouraged us to proceed. Your LO might just need a bit more time.

Good luck.

[Charisse]

Ah, that I can control? I need to resolve right now to just deal with the fact that Mr. C's family doesn't make plans. So when I suggested to his mom that maybe it would be fun to do something or go somewhere special while we're in LA for an entire week escaping from our remodel, that didn't mean she would go find ballet tickets or plan a day at Disneyland or something. They just don't. We'll have fun, we just won't know what it is in advance.

And I need to focus on my job and engage with my boss even when he's annoying. He's a good guy and it's a great company and great situation, I just need to check back in.

And I need us to be well for, oh, a couple weeks, maybe, universe? Not that I can control that but...

@caramama, almost 3 drove me BONKERS; in fact I think it was that that first made me write to Moxie for help. I think it's a time when they gain tons of capability but they don't know that they need to tell you about it, so if you help put on a jacket that they actually (since yesterday) learned to put on themselves, then donnybrook ensues. Hang in there!! It will get much better.

[Cassieblanca]

@caramama, almost-3 kicked my ass up, down, back, and sidey-ways. (Actually, 2.5 to 3 kicked my ass, but almost-3 was a particularly kicky time.) We are just around the corner from 3 (birthday: Dec 8th) and Holy Cow! Unbelievable difference. Just in a week. We still get meltdowns, I still don't do things right, but it's like there's a different brain in there -- one that can hear what I'm saying, and understands that if he listens, and tells me what's bugging him, maybe we can fix it, or maybe not, but if not mum will give him a hug and sometimes that is ok too. That sounds slightly incoherent, re-reading it, but I guess what I'm saying is, it's like someone installed the logic upgrade, and now you can actually reason with him. He still doesn't always like it, or get why X can or can't happen, but he gets that there are reasons and that those reasons are important somehow. Oh and also? OMFG, he's sleeping. And he's started being very, very deliberately funny. I'm in love with 3. (3.5 is going to hurt, isn't it?)

[Cobblestone]

I stayed home from work today because I've been pretending that I'm not as sick as I really seem to be. My shopping isn't done (with my deepest loves left hanging) and I don't have the energy to pack for the 800 mile trip on Saturday. I'd sob but then I start to cough and oh l-rd am I tired of that.

I want to have a sincere holiday, which DH is with until he sabotages it.

[Cloud]

@Elizabeth- big hugs. I am on the other side of that time now, but I remember the desperation I can read in your post. Hang in there. Your son will eventually sleep.

We tried so many things, and except for the nightweaning we did at about 10 months, I don't think anything we did made much difference- our daughter just eventually figured things out on her own. We pretty much gave up and just concentrated on solving the problems that her poor sleep created rather than trying to fix her sleep. That was at least less frustrating. Good luck. I hope you all get the sleep you need soon!

And thanks to all of you posting encouraging words about the 2.5-3 yo time period. It is kicking our butts now, too.

[Kathy B.]

to all you parents with children at the 1.5 - 3 yo time period -- all I can say is: either my daughter NEVER went through that stage (insert sarcastic laugh here) or time has healed those scars because I truly do not remember those tough years.

As far as my primal scream -- it is on-going. I am two-weeks behind on Christmas. I was on jury duty for 6 weeks starting Oct 27; had to cancel my vacation at Thanksgiving time (which is when I normally start the Christmas process) and have been behind ever since.

[Tonina]

Primal scream (of fear and frustration): My just turned four year old was evaluated for language delays. His brilliant preschool administrators decided it would be a great idea to do this after he'd attended the school for a grand total of 10 days (and was going through adjustment issues as a result.) Then they plunked him down with a large male speech pathologist he'd seen one time before the eval, so of course he didn't speak as well or respond to a lot of questions. He was marked down on a bunch of questions that he responds to quite regularly around the house and in surroundings with which he's familiar. Now they're trying to force an IEP on us without so much as meeting with us, his parents, to discuss interventions we could try at home first!

I am so frustrated! They're basically trying to jam the whole process down our throats before the holidays because of their deadlines!! I am certainly not arguing that he doesn't have speech issues - he does, and I'm the one who told them so when I enrolled him. But he's also quite bright, so declaring him severely behind in language skills when he spells about 100 words on his own and learns more each day, reads stories to us happily every day, and is never happier than when learning new words makes no sense! I want him to get appropriate help, but I don't want him getting a label that will follow him around for years!

If anyone can help, I'd appreciate suggestions. Thanks!

[nej]

@CaraMama - If CA doesn't work out for you, come to CO! We get 300+ days of sunshine, which works miracles for SAD.

@Maria - Did you send it? Please tell us you did!

So my primal vent is this: I HATE when people offer help, but it's specific and conditional and not at all...helpful. Like when someone comes over to help with a 2.5yo and a 10 wk old b/c your DH has been gone all week and by 1:30 she's sent 115 texts, popped a percocet and had a glass of wine. Next time when I say no thanks, I'm gonna stick to it, hurt feelings or no hurt feelings.

I also get my panties in a bunch when people have opinions about my children - Oh, she looks so tired. Shouldn't you be putting her to sleep? - especially, ESPECIALLY when said people don't even have children of their own. I've got this under control thankyouverymuch. We went to a dinner party last week where only two other couples were married and no one had kids and I wanted to shove a serving spoon into my skull and twist it slowly.

In other news, apparently we've started PLing. DH told 2.5 yo that he'd take a bath with him as long as he didn't pee in the tub and that's turned into peeing in the WeeMan 2-3 times a day. I'm not getting excited and hopefully my reluctance to spend my days inquiring about a certain penis and it's mood will further propel his desire to do this on his own. Xmas miracle in the works? Let's hope so.

[elizabeth]

@Suzanne was just thinking of you and wilhelmina and feeling bad for not checking in for a bit ugh the holidays! Thanks for your sweet words, I know you understand! Have you sent in Daddy yet at your house?
@Paola, yes we've given all the methods weeks and we have a really solid routine he is just really stubborn and wants his momma. He has shown some improvement, going down awake, sleeping 3 hours for the 1st stretch of the night, 3 hour chunks have been the norm for the last several days and are better than the 90 min. ones but he is almost 15 mths old now.

@Cloud, Thanks for the encouragement! One of great reasons why this site is great:)

[eccentriclibertarian]

"I can't change [Person X], I can only change how I react to [Person X}."

[anon today:)]

I have a primal whimper. I'm 8 or 9 weeks pregnant (shh...it's still a secret:)) And my husband is out of town for the week while I'm a SAHM for my 3yo DD. I am seriously running out of steam. He's also going out of town for 2 weeks straight in January, and again, pretty much a week a month until this little one is due (and depending on how his funding works out, he may end up on a 10 week out of town project about 10 weeks after #2 is due). The worst part is that he's not really happy in his job - too much bureaucracy and travel! *ugh*
Things I can control - that I'm acting like a recluse b/c I suck at keeping secrets. I need to get out more and see people outside of my computer:)

[maria]

Ok everybody, I sent it… I only wish I could invite you guys!

[michaela]

@maria, GO YOU!! That is awesome. Have a fabu time.

As for me, ye gods, I need to use my work time to, you know, FINISH MY WORK rather than screw around on ye olde Internets. I am taking comfort in the fact that yesterday before starting work I had 7 stories due by EOD Monday. As of this evening, it's down to 3; my plan is 2 tomorrow, then 1 on Monday. (Speaking of which, @AmyinMotown, are you looking for FT edit jobs or freelance? If the latter, we should chat offline.)

And then there's my mother and newly in recovery father spending Xmas with us. I honestly never thought they'd accept the invitation - we've lived in Northern New England for 12 years and they've never once come up for the holidays. So this is (mostly) good but also, ye gods, anxiety producing.

And whomever was asking about 3.5? Ummm, just enjoy whatever sanity you have RIGHT NOW... just don't take it for granted. ;)

[the milliner]

@Elizabeth - Well, we've sent Daddy in a few times, but haven't started doing it every night (or at least every weekend night) yet. We just keep hitting hiccup after hiccup. The latest being the stomach flu for all of us. Daddy went in many times the night I was the most sick. Went OK, but as L had the whole flu thing, I had to keep BF him in small increments as it was the only thing he could keep down. And now we're BF a lot more as he's off cow's milk until the resulting diarrhea clears up. Was supposed to go out of town overnight (so Daddy would be IT for 24 hours, along with daycare) but I'm still feeling sick and can't bare the thought of the extra work it will take to prepare, so I'm probably going to cancel. Not to mention the fact that our big plan was to have Daddy do nights for 3 or 4 weekends leading up to the big weekend away, and in general, those haven't materialized.

On the up side, DH has been going in more to do wake ups, and I've gone out to a few dinners and things at night so I've had some me time. And, we actually had a friend come babysit to go out on our second date ever since L was born. (Naturally, he didn't even wake up for the 4 hours we were gone).

On the down side, I think L is going through the 18 month sleep regression as he wakes up a lot easier and is harder to put back down now. And is much more upset when he does wake up. Oh, yay. When the regression first started, I was pissed. But now it's like, oh well, watcha gonna do? Who knows, maybe for you 18 months will be the switch to sleeping through.

Wasn't sure if you & Wilhelmina wanted to keep in touch by e-mail (or if the board is still up and running), but if you do, e-mail me anytime at suzanne[dot]sixdegrees[at]gmail[dot]com.

[Cloud]

A little encouragement for those of you with 1.5 year olds and crappy sleep- I was there this time last year.

And then, not long after she turned 2, Pumpkin started sleeping through the night. In her very own bed. I have no idea why, but for us it coincided roughly with the move from crib to big girl bed.

[pnuts mama]

i won't primal scream, but i will wave to all of you whom i've missed so much! it has been hard to keep to my "cut back on the internet and get some work done, woman" resolution (and i went on twitter instead to vent and get my fix), and we've had a ton of stuff going on here that has almost forced me get off of the computer anyway. construction nearly done! chapters written and waiting approval! inhome caregiver for my uncle! the list goes on and on!

but i think about so many of you so often and wonder how you are, and stop in from time to time just to read up and catch up and miss how things were but am happy that so many of us have journeyed through and shared wisdom for so long that i always always can touch back to this community and feel good.

anyway if i don't have the chance again- the happiest of all holidays to all of you, especially you, moxie, and may 2010 be better for all of us in every way. xoxo.

[Erin]

Ok, things I can control.

* Try to meet my stressful work goals bit by bit rather than thinking about the whole and melting down from how impossible it seems. (Yes, I'll be working all through Christmas break).
* Spend quality time with my husband when we have extra hands around to play with DS.
* Focus on how much fun it is to watch DS experience Christmas for the first time all over again. (And it's supposed to snow tomorrow! Yay!)

But I do need a primal scream, ya'll:
It's the same as always - the 18 month sleep regression is KILLING ME. Last night he was up at 11, 3, and 3:40, then my DH miraculously got him back to sleep between 5-6. Neither of us did. At 3:40 he started crying (he was in bed with me). I was so tired and sickandtired that I started snapping at him, "Oh for God's SAKE, STOP CRYING." In my defense I can say I did not yell at him. But still: parenting fail. It only made him more upset. And when DH came and took him away he became hysterical. My theory is that he was convinced I was mad at him and he couldn't stand to be apart with me mad.

And second, I am still very very nauseous most of the day. And so very tired of it. So much Christmas goodies!

[Erin]

@elizabeth - how old is your little one? My DS never recovered from his 3 month sleep regression, but his sleep got markedly worse around eight months. It was killing us and the ped recommended CIO (because of the specific pattern of worsening inconsolability). Anyway, we did it and it worked miraculously and quickly (3 nights). But I think CIO works when the baby is at the right age (and developmental stage). Between 3-8 months we just suffered. He didn't sleep at night he didn't sleep during the day. But post 8 months, beautifully, every night + 2 day time naps. Genius. Lasted until well, 17 mos and the dreaded regression.