Primal Scream Wednesday

You know how this works. I'll start:

My commute continues to bash me over the head with a large anvil, leaving no space/time/energy for posting here, which makes me feel sad and like something's missing.

I turned off my alarm when it went off this morning and woke up 41 minutes later.

I left my phone on the table this morning, and am out-of-pocket with the babysitter because of it. Also, the cats may be placing international calls or sending mean texts with it.

My younger one refused to get dressed this morning, then that cascaded into a really bad morning including crying from both of us.

I forgot to pee before I started the commute and had to hold it for what seemed like 5 hours and 8 or 9 boroughs worth of subway riding.

Work is kicking my ass this morning in a someone-else-didn't-do-what-they-were-supposed-to-do kind of way and now my company (me, specifically) is dealing with it.

I left a dirty dish in the office sink last night and that makes me feel like a jerk for doing that to our office manager.

I'm cold.

Tomorrow is only going to be worse, in all likelihood.

And, my coworker just asked me if that was my toast in the toaster oven. Yes. Yes, it is.

Now someone with real problems, please post.

Comments

[Neener]

Sorry things are tough for you! I wouldn't be able to do that commute.

[MLRH]

Ouch.

I got put on bed rest on Saturday night. Ultrasound tech on Monday said that it would take two days for the results to reach the doc - across the STREET! Laying low until I hear from Doc is killing me. My toddler has his first bad cold that he totally contracted from a friendly visitor on Saturday who brought his three duckies under five with him (and who had hussy fits and pushed my son multiple times). Then I got the cold and this morning my husband woke up with it. So he's home trying to be helpful bit is kind of in the way.

Really hope to be taken off bed rest because next week is husband's 40th and if feel bad to cancel/ attend minimally the family celebration and the get together we ate hosting for friends. Also, bed rest made is to I couldn't drop off needlepoint I finished to be made into a belt for him - had to be there Monday to get made into leather belt in time for his actual birthday. I will feel like a schmuck handing him a photo of the needlepoint but all well.

Oh. And we are out of tissues. And Advil.

[AnotherAmy]

Mine are pretty fleeting but driving me crazy nonetheless...so...AHHHHH!

Within one hour this morning:

My husband left for a 12-day business trip (and I just couldn't manage to keep the tears back when I said goodbye, thanks to the pregnancy hormones, argh)

I received a call telling me that they apologize but they "forgot" to tell me that I am to present a paper at an academic conference next week, so surely I can pull something out that I've been working on, right? And if I could have it to them by tomorrow for printing, that would be great.

And...my nanny called to tell me she has a fever of 103. Doctor says she needs to wait until she's been fever free for at least 48 hours before returning to work. And my husband is our back-up for cases like this...reference 12 day business trip above.

Oh, and totally unimportant but making me sad nonetheless...hubby didn't get the Christmas tree up like he had hoped before he left, and I don't know if I can manage it alone with an 18-month-old and a 7-month-pregnant belly. So we might be going sans decorations for the holidays this year. Which isn't terribly important since we'll be at my parents' for the actual holidays, but still makes me sad.

Definitely a primal scream day. But I'm going to do what I can to let it all go and just enjoy my little man today, since I don't have many other options.

[Mary]

My in-laws accidentally threw away all of my boxes and boxes of Christmas decorations which had been stored in their attic. I had several collections and all of it was very sentimental and important to me. I will really miss the ornaments from my childhood, my grandparents' tree skirt, and the special Christmas item I saved three months to buy when I was in college and just wanted a little cheer in my apartment.

We don't want to spend the money to buy replacement items so I went to Target to get one set of ornaments to put on a miniature tree. Looking at it makes me depressed.

[nej]

Yesterday was E's first dentist appt...Till I grabbed him by the arm and fled as if the building was on fire. Won't get into details here, but it pretty much ruined the entire day for us and he's been acting out, announcing when he's doing something he shouldn't be and I don't know how to tell him that the storm has passed and we won't be going back to that dentist again. OOOOWWWWHHHHH!

It snowed last night and the first layer of snow is actually a sheet of ice. It's 17 degrees out and I have a 7 week old baby. My father and his wife are in town, it's her birthday and if I don't truck the 2.5 yr old and the 7 wk old out to dinner, I will never live it down. Never. Oh, and I'm responsible for going out and buying her a gift. Even though I'm the only one with kids. Did I mention the baby is 7 weeks old and it's 17 degrees out? Did I mention the ice? ARRRGGGHHH!

According to "Wonder Weeks" we are in the middle of a growth/psychological leap. Which is fine, except the 2.5 yr old hasn't read the "Wonder Weeks" and unless there's a Wonder Pets episode about it, pretty sure that he doesn't care. GGGRRRR!!!

Oh, and DH and I haven't slept in the same bed in 4ish months and haven't had time to talk, cuddle, etc since the 2.5 yr old requires my DH's constant presence in his bed to be able to fall asleep and stay asleep. And since the baby is sleeping with me...we're at each other's throats and we need to reset, but how? UUUUHHHHHGGGG!

[rosie]

my "highly spirited" son was just diagnosed with asperger's. and i'm a little lost.

[SarcastiCarrie]

I hope the toast didn't burn and the co-worked didn't eat it. Nice warm toast would make you not-cold.

Bobo is having a tough time transitioning from jarred baby food to table food and also does not eat any dinner to speak of (because he’s overtired from crumby naps at day care, distraught over not having me all day – really, and then he just wants to nurse when I walk in and FREAKS the EFF right out until I nurse him…Husband says Bobo is happy and smiling and standing and cooing and when the garage door goes up, all h-e-double hockey sticks breaks loose at home with Chuckles melting into a puddle of whine and Bobo freaking the eff right out until I nurse him…it makes me not want to come home). And then I have to go to bed to be ready for the all-night nurse-a-pallooza.

[eep]

The company my husband works for has gone into a precipitous nosedive. He has made a 60 day commitment to stay, but is actively looking for a new job. He, I am happy to say, has good prospects, and is going for an interview at the end of the week. In Northern Virginia. We do not presently live in Northern Virginia. He really hopes he gets this job, and is quite likely to do so.

But that means that we will have to sell our home. Our home that we bought 18 months ago, our home that I love very very much. If I believed it worked that way I would think this was the universe reminding me that I shouldn't love things like houses so much.

And I will have to quit my job. I had it worked out so that I could work 1/2 time for a year after my baby is born. And I was in line for a very good promotion next year. Since no one is going to hire a very pregnant librarian/archivist, I will probably end up staying home for a while. I am ambivalent about that.

As mentioned, I am 5 months pregnant. If our projected schedule works out, we will move when I am about 32 weeks pregnant. I will have to find a new midwife or OB and a new hospital. And find someone to care for my 2 year old during labor, in a strange place where I know no one. Then, after the baby is born, I will have to bring him home to a temporary apartment that won't feel like home.

My primal scream is becoming a primal whimper. The logistics boggle my mind. But really, we are lucky, we will get through this and it might not financially ruin us. But if I could fast forward through the next 6 or 7 months, I would.

[K]

I'm going to be in work hell for the next three weeks, which will be followed by holidays/family/traveling hell. I'd say that at least I'm looking forward to returning to work after to holidays, but budget problems at my job are looming, and this is keeping me up at night.

I really want to have another child, but factors beyond my control are prevent even trying. And those factors are not what one might expect for someone like me (infertility, etc., although that may be an issue, haven't even come to that point yet), which makes me feel really isolated and pissed off.

Several of the people who work for me are not doing their jobs. I'm so tired of doing their jobs and my job.

And the IRS reviewed our 2007 tax return and they think we owe them more money. The reason why they think we owe them more money is because one of my 1099s is incorrect, and the solution is to send the IRS a corrected 1099. And although the issuer of the 1099 acknowledged this mistake at the time, they also refuse to send a new 1099. That small space between the rock and a hard place--that's where I reside.

[MamaBirdNYC]

Mine seem so petty now, but here goes...

We tried to transition my daughter off the pacifier last night, and at 2 am, after I had been up since midnight, I DUG THE OLD ONE OUT OF THE TRASH. How pathetic is that? So, back to paci land for us.

Hugs to one and all.

[Amy]

Last night my crappy cold caught up with me and all I could think was just hang on till the kid is in bed and then go to bed early.

So I hang on through dinner and cleanup and get my 21 month old son into the bath, less than 5 minutes later I am watching him make "the face" (the one that means there's a nasty diaper on the way). This is the second time this week and I'm scared there's a trend in the works.

I didn't cry while doing the fish n' scrub on the bathtub, but boy did I want to.

[Slim]

My ILs are very old and feeble and in denial about it all.

I am hoping that counts as a real problem, because it's not as hard as what some of you posted. Moxie set the bar pretty high, darn her!

[jbq+h]

My four-year-old daughter just had an hour-long tantrum.

[Julieta]

Moxie, even through your scream, you still manage to have a hilarious sense of humor. Or REALLY evil cats. I hope it gets better and send a hug from California.

[Erin]

My 18 month old woke up last night at 3:30 AM and wouldn't go back to sleep. Then he screamed bloody murder for an hour at the babysitter's when DH tried to drop him off.

There is a 10 year (yes, that's TRUE) waiting list for a parking permit at my building, there's no accessible public transport, my DH works far away, and I'm pregnant & subject to fainting spells brought on by - wait for it - walking too far. Like from the Siberia where I will be forced to park.

I'm behind and disorganized and panicking about all the things I can't do because I'm too sick (see, pregnancy).

[ramy]

I'm way way way (like a month) behind in grading and there is another paper due Friday and I told them it would be back today and they are only 1/2 done.

I was up until 1 grading last night and didn't write up full lecture notes for the lecture I need to give in a different class in one hour. Nor have I read the papers for the guest lecture in the evening class.

My kids have been sick for freaking WEEKs. and I forgot to give DD the antibiotic this morning. Yes, I am the behind antibiotic-resistant bacteria. and I hate myself for it.

I'm sick of snot on kids faces. My daughter keeps sticking dirty fingers up her nose so that she looks like her snot is coal dust. its disgusting.

I'm behind in emails. My house is a mess.

Its cold and wet outside.

I was just told to expect 50 applications to review for our job search. During finals.

really, outside of personal embarrassment for being not being on top of my game at work, it could all be a lot worse. Clearly I'm putting all my effort into cuddling children and not class.

[Mamanesq]

commutes suck. I did it for about a year, and decided we had to move.

We're gotten rid of all the hidden toxicity and surrounded ourselves with good people. We're in a really happy place right now, so hugs to all of you!

[Rudyinparis]

Ay yi, life is beating some of us about the head today! (Mary, your in-laws accidently throwing out your ornaments makes me so sad! Ouch.)

Um. Life is being so very good to me today and this whole week! My Dad was very sick and in the hospital all weekend--would maybe need surgery--upsetting all our elaborate & wonderful Christmas plans (Bahamas cruise, people!)--but he recovered and is fine! Also, my work just approved my volunteer request to help out at Eldest school all day tomorrow, so I get to be at her school and eat lunch with her and get PAID volunteer hours. Thank you, work, thank you! Very cool.

I hope my chirpiness doesn't piss anyone off--but I am feeling so grateful today, and so lucky. How about I be the proof that sometimes things do swing in our direction. I have plenty of crappy days, believe me. Hang in there, guys.

[crescentgirl]

Man, everyone needs hugs! And TempMoms to come bail them out!

@AnotherAmy - can you ask a friend to help hoist the tree? The xmas tree place will put it on your car for you, you just need help getting it inside and upright!

@Mary - Wow, sounds like your in-laws are passive-aggressive! The least they could do is fork some $$ over to replace what can be - not that all those treasured memories can be had again ... my heart hurts for you!

@Eep - Can you stay in the "old" house until after the baby arrives? Keep your OB and stay in the beloved house just a little longer? It's just a few weeks - but then you wouldn't want to be so far from your husband in those weeks ... but ... I'd hate to leave my OB mid-preg!!

@Rosie - go to austismspeaks.org and order their "100 days" kit. My son is somewhere on the spectrum, no one can pinpoint where, and that kit is a HUGE HELP in navigating the shock, emotions, to-do lists, contacts, what-do-I-do-now feelings. Hugs to you.

My stuff's tame - money woes everconstant; I was diagnosed w/ two autoimmune diseases, and two heart valve leaks that "aren't serious" but make me second-guess every exertion. Like hauling my 2-yr-old up the stairs at naptime. My leaden 2-yr-old. And I was diagnosed today w a rotator cuff injury, making said jaunts up and down stairs while carrying child tonnage scarier.

I want to have another child too, but age/health (see above) have us seriously questioning the sanity of it.

Moxie - Your day makes me want to call in sick for you!

[mom of three]

@erin - that sounds like a clear cut case to get a closer handicapped spot for the duration of your pregnancy! our state would definitely give you a placard for that

[Judy B]

Nasty, unrelenting head cold for me.
Pinkeye for 18 month old (but it's clearing up nicely).
Realized how little $$ I have until next paycheck.

[AnonE]

Husband is on a business trip and I'm home full-time with the 15-month old. SHE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY! First time alone with her for more than a day or two. I'm 8 wks pregnant and feel like crap. Just want to lay on the couch and veg but daughter can't allow that. IL's are coming to give me a break this afternoon and I can't wait! Thanks Moxie, I feel a little better. And naptime is coming soon...

[m]

my 4yo just bit my 2yo IN THE EYE. am at an all-time-low. especially since i quit my antidepressants last week.

[MrsHaley]

I have been having crippling anxiety the week before my period (this week) since my second was born 14 months ago. Insomnia at night and panic during the day. It lifts for the other 3 weeks of the month, but I don't know what to do about it for that one week of hell. It's obviously hormonal, so antianxiety meds don't seem like the answer (plus I don't need them the other 3 weeks), I don't tolerate The Pill very well, I'm still nursing & don't plan to stop ... I don't even know which doctor would have the answer. My OB? My PCP? A psychiatrist? Do I just acknowledge it and muscle through for a week every month?

[Imanitsud]

Wow. I think you all should go read "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" -- it always makes me feel a little better when I'm having one of those days... we had one of those months last month, so I'm just lying low over here.

[lwh]

I'm eight weeks pregnant, which I'm happy about because I spent two years thinking a second baby would never happen for us. But to keep myself healthy during this pregnancy, I have to give myself heparin injections. Twice a day. Until six weeks postpartum.

When I think about giving myself 500 more shots before all is said and done, I just want to give up. I'm just trying to remind myself that it's a small price to pay for a healthy baby, healthy mom and the completion of our family.

[the milliner]

@ Nej: "According to "Wonder Weeks" we are in the middle of a growth/psychological leap. Which is fine, except the 2.5 yr old hasn't read the "Wonder Weeks" and unless there's a Wonder Pets episode about it, pretty sure that he doesn't care. GGGRRRR!!!"

Heeeeeeeee! I love the Wonder Pets :). Sorry...couldn't help but laugh about that one. We're about to enter the 18 month suckage (if we're not already there...hello tantrums, waking up more at night and teething round 298!), so I feel your pain.

Strangely, I have no primal scream in me today...so far.

[Jessica]

My problems are not really that serious, (in general I have a million things to be grateful for) but I am in a crappy mood today, so here are my woes:

I broke my hand two months ago and the pinky/ring finger knuckles in three places. I got my cast off yesterday and I can't bend those two fingers. And they hurt. Like scream out in pain when your three year-old accidentally bumps your hand and scare him and make him cry kind of hurt. My Dr. originally thought I wouldn't need PT and now I need it 3-5 times a week (don't have time for that) and won't have the ability to make a fist for 2-3 months.

My extended family is fighting about made up issues, and some of them are mad at me for something I didn't do. Also, all of the drama is ruining traditional Christmas plans. They are doing this to avoid dealing with another family member's very serious health issue, but it is exhausting. And depressing. And while I know I should suck it up, be the bigger person and attempt to make up with the people who are mad at me for no reason (even though I have my doubts that this would work), I really don't feel like it/have time for the nonsense. And the family member in question's health is just getting worse and I am worried about her and no one in any position of power seems to be willing to do anything about it because they are all too busy fighting with each other.

I am 21 weeks pregnant and the only place the baby kicks me with any regularity is in the cervix.

My work is kicking my butt. My industry is going through a historic change, and the projects I am working on right now is most likely the biggest projects I will ever work on. But instead of being excited about it, I just feel burned out and tired all of the time. I have a major project that was due oh, Monday morning, and I am barely a third of the way through it, have no interest in it, and am posting here instead.

My contractor is not calling me back with an estimate I thought I would get on Saturday. I am desperate to see how much the home renovations that very much need to be done before this baby is born are going to cost us, and also to get the project moving along.

One third of my house is demolished, including my office space. Displaced stuff is everywhere. Need to move a ton more stuff (like my entire work-space) out of the rest of the area to be demolished asap, like over the next two days while D is out of town on a week-long business trip.

D is out of town on a week-long business trip.

The non-demolished parts of my house are a wreck. I have five loads of laundry to do, three more clean to fold and put away and dirt and clutter everywhere. I am normally a pretty clean person, so it is driving me crazy, but the thought of cleaning it all up makes me want to move into a hotel instead.

Apparently I volunteered to run the preschool book fair in two weeks, because hey I have nothing else to do two weeks before Christmas. Was I high at that parent's meeting in September?

Moxie--I hope things get much better for you soon!

@eep--Dr. Camilla Hersh of Virginia Women's Health Associates saved my life and M's life when my placenta abrupted. I had great care from that practice for 7 years. They have ofices in Reston and Tysons Corner/deliver at Reston Hospital Center. We do not live in NoVA anymore, but did for ages, so email me if you have questions.

[mom2boys]

That which doesn't kill you...doesn't kill you. I don't know who posted that recently but I totally made it my FB update as soon as I read it. And through the floodgate likes followed. It's a tough time of year.
@rudyinparis - thanks for the ray of hope that things can and do work out. :)

[Cloud]

Ugh. Big hugs to all of you. My problems are small in comparison- just a toddler who is oh so two and prone to tantruming over some unpredictable part of her morning and/or evening routine every freaking day. Also, she can clearly control her bladder because she can squeeze out a few drops when she wants a potty treat but she is not too interested in actually potty training. I may just give up until after the holidays... but then I go back to work from my maternity leave with baby #2, and really, life is not going to get any easier at that point.

@SarcastiCarrie- we had trouble introducing finger foods, too. This too shall pass. Unfortunately, I can't say that I now have an excellent eater. But she does feed herself when she can be convinced to actually eat.

@MrsHaley- I'd call the OB. He or she may be able to help you figure out a strategy. I got bouts of strong anxiety (almost paranoia, really) during both pregnancies. Mine didn't last long enough to make me want to treat the problem, but it is really disturbing, isn't it? Rationally, I'd know that I didn't need to lie awake worrying about how my family would escape a wildfire, or what would happen if an out of control car crashed through my window, etc. But I couldn't stop myself.

[elizabeth]

Were sleep training phase 32 or something close, wish I could have just kept nursing him all night long for his sake but the pull of a mental institution was becoming a reality and I'm such a better Momma with some sleep or at least more than 90 minutes in a row.

I lost my wedding rings over 3 weeks ago, no sign of them and I never lose anything. We had them blessed at our wedding so while insurance can replace them they are will never be the same to me.

My 14 month won't eat real food, unless its raisin's, cheerio's, and hummis. No veggies at all, makes me feel like a failure.

My oven broke two days before Thanksgiving, they aren't sure when the part might be made due to a slow economy. This is the second time the part broke and its a barely 3 year old $2000 range.

Child care called in sick today and i spent my free time aka nap time trying to find replacement.
Nothing to horrible around here just little stuff to build up, Thanks for letting me scream! Feels good.

Moxie, I've been thinking of you, missing the posts but hoping that life starts making more sense.

[Erika]

@elizabeth - I feel ya. My 15-month old won't eat real food either except raisins, cheerios, and plain yogurt. I keep reminding myself that the US is a nation of overeaters so surely it will fix itself some day. But in the meantime I feel like a failure too. And mealtimes are a stressful, miserable time for both of us.

[anonforthis]

My month-old baby was born six weeks early via emergency c-section (eclampsia). I was unconscious. My husband wasn't there to see the birth ("birth"?), either, but he doesn't really understand why it bothers me so much that nobody in our family was around to see our child come into the world.

I am doing my best to take care of this baby, but to be honest on the rare occasions when I'm out of the house without the little one, I forget that I have a kid. I don't feel resentful or anything toward the baby, don't worry. But I don't feel like someone's mom, either.

My husband is away for work for several months beginning in Jan. Right now I'm staying with his parents. I don't know what I'll do when he's away. I am secretly angry that he gets to leave.

I feel unmoored and defeated. I had a life I liked before I got pregnant. I knew it would mean giving up at least my career to have a baby. And it has. I don't mean to be melodramatic: I knew there was a cost, and I went in with my eyes open. I just didn't know that the cost was going to feel like it was... everything.

[SarcastiCarrie]

I already posted, but I just wanted to get this off my chest in case anyone else is feeling like this.

I have felt bad for 4.5 years because I had a c-section with Chuckles, my first. Somehow, in my thick head, I thought/think that people are judging me for having a c-section, and I have been judging myself for just not trying harder or doing better. I've always wondered if I should have gotten an epidural so I could rest and save my strength for the pushing so I would be able to do it. I was/am committed to natural childbirth and think unnecessary c-section is terrible, blah blah blah. So, here I feel like I failed myself and my ideals by having a c-section. (And for some reason, when it comes up in conversation, people usually assume you just go in and have a c-section - not that I labored for 12 hours or pushed for 3...but I digress even further than I already had.)

Now, mind you, I don't feel bad about my second c-section because a complication (placenta previa with breech) made it medically essential. Never mind that the first c-section probably contributed to the complication in the second pregnancy. I don't feel bad about that.

So, here we are 4.5 years after my first c-section and I finally google "failed vacuum extraction". And do you know what? I feel amazing, wonderful, like a weight has been lifted. I had already been pushing a few hours. I was at a good station. I was a perfect candidate for this to work. Once the VE fails, there is really no option but to do a c-section. And, it only fails to bring the baby out about 5% of the time (and is more successful in women with babies under 8.5 lbs and who received prenatal care). So really, I did all I could. I did all I could. The C-section IS NOT MY FAULT (it't not even Chuckles's fault). I'm near tears just thinking about how I am forgiving myself. I'm kicking myself for wasting mental energy these last 4 years over this. I have finally, finally convinced myself that yes, really, were it not for the c-section, one of both of us could have died. Yay to modern medicine.

Whew. I feel better now.

And pie. Because, pie.

[poopy]

my 3-year-old won't poop and it's holding my family hostage. i just sent her to preschool with a system full of laxatives and mineral oil and prunes and flax oatmeal and whatever else she's been holding onto for the last 8 million days, and i'm scared she's going to rupture something keeping it all in (she'll only poop in a pull up and she wears underwear to school and never poops outside of the home anyway). the pediatrician has counselled me to give her an enema tonight and every time i think about it i want to throw up, because they're so traumatic to her and go against my every mothering instinct. i'm losing sleep over this, and gaining weight, and can't think about anything else. and it's so stupid, because... it's poop. argh. my jeans are digging into my mummy tummy and it makes me want to set them on fire and throw them out the window.

[Christina]

Oy! I'm 8 weeks along with #2 and want to die. Cant throw up but want to every waking(and sleeping) minute of my life. I had to sit down on the freezer case at the grocery store this morning. My kid only wants to eat hot dogs and eggs, both of which make me dry heave- the dog thinks that since its raining its okay to poop in the house- more heaving. I SOO want this baby - I cant wait for this baby- but so help me, it stole thanksgiving, if it gets Christmas were going to share some words.

[Raia]

@ milliner: the 18 month suckage (if we're not already there...hello tantrums, waking up more at night and teething round 298!)

....oh...is that what's happening? That explains so much. When does it end or at least lighten up?

Biggest problem: wanting another baby so much, still not sure how/if that will happen, missing my mom who passed away during the summer and dreading the rest of the holidays without her.

[SarcastiCarrie]

@anonforthis - I understand completely why you feel bothered by the fact that no one in the family witnessed your baby's birth. I get it (see above).

Traumatic childbirth and prematurity are both risk factors for PPD. Any disappointment surrounding the actual birth process is a risk factor. Now, I don't know whether you have it, but you sound a lot like I did after Chuckles was born. I never saw anyone about it or took anything for it, and the feelings of loss and out-of-control got better over time. But, if I had it to go back and do over again, I would ask for help. Because who wants to feel like crap, right? Hindsight 20/20 and all that.

Tell your doctor. Tell your husband, tell your best friend. Maybe all you need is some help, sleep, sunshine, and exercise. Who knows?
My feelings eventually passed, but I felt terrible for 3 or 4 months after the birth and then had on-and-off bad feelings for a year. And that sucked. Especially when combined with the no-sleep-ever.

And just because you chose this doesn't mean it's not hard and life-changing and redefining. I am offically cutting you a break on that. You chose it, but you're hard-wired to choose procreation. And it's hard.

[Stacy]

@poopy -- Been there with my son when he was 2-3 and still in diapers. What worked for us after 9 months of withholding was a combination of M'n'M reward after he finally pooped and constantly reading the book "It Hurts When I Poop" by Howard J., M.D. Bennett and M. S. Weber. It's a horrible feeling as a parent - especially when you are 99.9% sure it's all in their heads and not actually a physical problem.

Anyway, I don't have anything to scream about today -- things are going pretty well over all at the moment, but hugs to all of you going through tough times!

[anontoo]

@anonforthis - I am so sorry to hear your story.

It seems totally reasonable to me to grieve that your baby's birth had no witness in your family. That is an important moment in life.

I know several people (including me and my baby) who felt unconnected from their babies after a traumatic or unconscious birth who were able to create a connection with their babies that felt more real and present through craniosacral work. If you are comfortable with gentle woo-woo stuff, you might look for a practitioner who is experienced with new mothers and babies.

Lactation Consultants often have good referrals - this is where I got mine.

[anonish]

I want out of my relationship but I don't have any good reasons why except that I am unhappy. I have a loving partner, a healthy child, nice home, decent job, good friends and run of the mill dysfunctional extended family. But I'm not happy in the relationship. I've been told I need to find a sitter for some upcoming holiday parties and all I can think is just please go without me or you stay home and I'll go without you. But I have no good reasons other than I am not happy and I think I'd rather be alone than with this person. This decent person who still loves me. Who very much wants to continue our life together. And then there's the child. Splitting up a family simply because I'm not happy? Wasn't my selfish gene supposed extinguish itself when my child was born? Because things aren't bad. Reading this thread - things could be considered great. So basically I just suck. And that's not at all the example I want to be for my child.

[SarcastiCarrie]

@anonish - You don't suck. I read somewhere (I can't remember but I know I posted this here before) that if you poll married people and find out who is happy and who is not, and then come back in 5 years and poll again, it's not predictive. So, this might just be a phase. It might pass. If you hold on for a year, it might get better. You might want to make some changes to your routine, hobbies, job, etc and see if that improves your happiness.

I have no idea, but I did go through a phase of absolutely despising my husband in a most unflattering way, and we're still married (and happily). It was about 2.5 to 3 years ago and lasted 6 months.

Oh, I just remembered: I read about it in a book called "Babyproof Your Marriage".

[MrsHaley]

@poopy - look around Moxie's archives for "Poop Presents." Your prob. sounds horrible -- wouldn't it be nice if something a joyful as presents would fix it?!?

@anonforthis - Grace and peace to you. It sucks to be sad.

@Cloud - Paranoia. Exactly. Thank you for hearing me -- I just made an OB appointment for next Friday. I needed your little shove.

@anonish - You. Do. Not. Suck. Your *feelings* are real and worthy of respect. Perhaps not worthy of action, but definitely respect and attention. It sounds like your partner will stand with you as you examine them. Go ahead. Look & listen.

[citipeach]

My 15 month old will still not drink cow's milk. Which is okay I guess since there are other, arguably better, ways to get calcium. But the kefir and yogurt smoothies he likes are expensive, and I'm sick of day care asking me WHY he isn't on milk already.

Lame problem, I guess. But it always makes me feel like a terrible mother.

[Cathy]

@maria - the ornament story made me almost cry. I vote to ask for Christmas decorations for Christmas. :)

@elizabeth - I tend to count rasins and hummis as veggies. There might be something really suprprising that the little one likes to eat. For a while La's favorite veggies were watermelon and grapefruit.

@anon - I had an unplanned, last minute, emergency c-section. (the induction worked just fine. the cord wrapped around El's neck three times, not so much. 10 minutes from when the doc called C-section to baby cries.) It hit me a week later how scary it was, and that if not for modern medicine one or both of us might not be here. I want to tell more people about it, but I don't want to scare pregnant ladies. Anyway - similarly, I did not feel like I had a baby in the early days. It was sort of scary, and like that feeling when the dental work is done but the side of your face is still numb. Had to be on the look out for forgetting I had her with me. Talking to your doctor, if only to help find some BTDT support might be helpful. El is now almost two and I feel very connected to her.

[anon for this]

My marriage is falling apart and I'm terrified and feel so, so alone. I'm drinking too much and not taking good care of myself to try to block it all out. I feel lost.

[TodayWendy]

We just moved my grandmother into a retirement home. She's got Alzheimer's and her working memory only lasts about 5 minutes at this point, so we had the "Why do I have to be here? I don't want to be here. I want to go home. Why can't I go home?" conversation about 30 times - each time ending with a heartbroken lady who has just realized for what feels like the first time that all her siblings are dead. The very next day she fell down after dinner and broke her hip (or maybe the hip broke and caused the fall...apparently that's common) so now my mother is beating herself up for not making it clearer to the staff exactly how wobbly my grandmother was. So now she is in a hospital in a city that is just a little bit too far away for me to go visit - but close enough that I could if I was willing to drop everything.
The next day I arrive at work to a very garbled email about my other grandmother possibly being in the emergency room at the hospital where I work, followed by a phone call to my father who has no idea where his mother is and could I maybe pop down and see if I can find her...followed by several hours in emergency which thankfully ended in her heading off to her Christmas party with a prescription in hand that will hopefully solve the problems that her doctor has effectively been ignoring for the past month (oh, that antibiotic didn't work? Lets give you more of the same.)

On the plus side we have rearranged our lives to need very little money which means my lovely husband can stay home and take care of me instead of having to choose between a job that means he is never home, and one that means he comes home miserable and late every night.

@anonforthis - it actually took me years before I felt like a mom when I was out and about on my own. I eventually decided to just stop being bothered by it. And don't worry, you'll get your life back. Slowly...but it will happen. At least it is happening for me.

[Nicole]

It's all sleep-deprivation, all the time, around here. I cannot BELIEVE that I now look back on my firstborn as a "good sleeper". The 7-month old, in the past week, has got two teeth, pink eye, and a cold. Now he not only wakes up ever two hours, HE STAYS AWAKE FOR AN HOUR. I am dying. Wasting away from the lack of sleep. I'm actually ready to do CIO in some form or another, but cannot do it while he's so sick. It's "just" sleep deprivation, but today, it is kicking my ass every which way.

[anontoday, too]

@anonforthis at 1:47: I, too, felt like I was NOT someone's mom. My kids (both) were planned & all, & I had a pretty boring birth experience but I still sort of felt like they fetched a kid out of cold storage while I was pushing and just handed it to me. Thus, what you write sounds sort of familiar. One thing that helped me most was a friend with kids who said, around that time, about her most recent, "Luckily she started smiling early [at 4 weeks], because I can't really love 'em til they start smiling." She was kidding, of course, only also not. Anyway, it took me longer than I thought it would, but I do now feel like someone's mom, and all the career stuff that has passed me by (I'm mostly a SAHM) I can now attribute to me and my choices and not to my kids. Also, being a mom hasn't made me love my pre-mom faves like Buffy or Led Zep or tacky police procedurals any less. I'm still the same as I was before. Just some of it I have to wait to enjoy after the kids are in bed. But both kids can sing the first verse of Black Dog, so it's not all hidden away, either. Anyway, if you feel life-interfering-ly down, please do get help (dr or counselor or whatever you'll be happiest with) but also, I just wanted to say, the weird life-dislocation can also be totally normal on the adjustment scale. Babies, even happy and planned, can be a huge adjustment, and I found that, like my friend said, that they seem like a lot of work for sort of an amorphous payout for the first few weeks. (Another book I read said the same thing, with the caveat, which I also found true, that, sure, the writer would gladly throw himself in front of a bus rather than see any harm come to his new daughter, but he still felt strangely disconnected those first weeks, too.)

Please note: none of this is advice. I just thought, if it would help to know another's story, I'd put mine out there. Best of luck to you. I hope you all hit your stride together soon.

[sfsaf]

@ nej "the 2.5 yr old hasn't read the "Wonder Weeks" and unless there's a Wonder Pets episode about it, pretty sure that he doesn't care" --thank you! That made me laugh out loud!

@ rosie -- sending love from a complete stranger in Seattle. You and your son will learn to thrive.

@ eep -- my friend just went through the same thing and the logistics were indeed hell...but the good news is...she LOVES Virginia and is happy they made the move despite it all.