Reporting in

So things are resolved for the moment, again.

This takes a lot of time and energy and heart.

I wonder, sometimes, what amazing thing I could be doing with the energy and thought this takes from me on a daily basis.

Thank you. So, so much.

I'd tell you I'd put up a real post tonight, but that would be a bald-faced lie as I'm actually going out tonight. (!) However, you get my annual Thanksgiving/AskMoxiversary post tomorrow.

Thanks.

Comments

[Julie]

no. kidding.

Glad things are feeling better for you today.

[SarcastiCarrie]

I'm eating a piece of pumpkin praline in your honor. All that Vitamin A means it's health food...for you.

[nej]

Yea! One more thing to be thankful for.

[Wilhelmina]

I am so glad that things are resolved for now, and I hope that you get a chance to recharge your energy and get over the draining experience this was.

Now do have a great outing tonight!

Having no Thanksgiving this side of the Pond means no pumpkin praline either, sadly. I'll toast you with a nice cup of tea instead.

[archimama]

good for you! hope you have a great time!
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.

[Christi]

Thinking of you, Moxie - I'm grateful for you and this site, and I'm glad things have eased a bit.

[Claudia]

Glad the tempest has passed.
Happy Thanksgiving to all!

@Wilhelmina: I've gotten canned pumpkin from a friend in England. Do you know anyone who can score some for you? If not, email me at czilla007 at hotmaildotcom and I'll try to get you hooked up. It may not be in time for Christmas this year, but by Thanksgiving next year!

[Emma D]

We don't do thanksgiving here in NZ but you should know I've been so thankful for your site since I found it a couple of months ago.

Thanks Moxie, the universe obviously owes you! I know you'll get your good pay back real soon.

[Slim]

Maybe dealing with this *is* the amazing thing. It's got to be a learning experience . . . .

I hope you're having a happy Thanksgiving.

[Slim]

Oh no. Did I depress you so much you're stress eating too much to post? I didn't mean to!

[Wilhelmina]

Claudia,

Thank you so much for the very kind offer! I'm happy to report having found some canned pumpkin on Ebay here and I was also sent a marvellous recipe for dairy- and egg-free but thankfully pecan-full pie. My toddler has severe allergies, that's why.

So I'll be baking my pie and think fondly and gratefully of you and all the readers of Moxie and Moxie herself.

I hope that a good Thanksgiving was had by American readers.

[SarcastiCarrie]

I think I have decided that Thanksgiving is my absolute favorite holiday....all the emphasis on thankful without all the commercial aspects of giving.
And of course, the pie. 5 kinds of pie at my house. Mmmm, pie.

[hush]

Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving & so glad things are resolved for now, Moxie!

Our sitter just called in sick. We've only been working with her for about a month, so I don't know her well enough yet to know if she is telling the truth about having the stomach flu, or if she is just taking a mental health day b/c she is really tired from a long weekend trip and can't deal with my wild (oops i mean 'spirited') wonderful DS today... Wonder if I should pay her for sick days. But I don't want to get taken. Hmm...

[Slim]

Hey, maybe Hush's dilemma can be our discussion topic. Or maybe we should talk about pie.

In theory, I think one should do the generous thing and not get wound up with worry about whether one is being a chump. I'd rather be nice to someone who didn't deserve it than mean to someone who didn't deserve it. That said, DH and I are both grumpy about an occasional babysitter who comes for dinner when we're going out and then just leaves the table as it was when she and the kids finished. Not expecting major cleanup, but putting leftover pizza in the fridge? We are brooding rather than just making a simple request, so we are idiots. So ignore us. (But what I think I'd do it not pay the first few times, then backtrack and if things are working out, say I've been feeling bad about not paying and start doing so. And when you consider the source, you will realize that this is the one thing you should not do, because it is the course preferred by the wavering idiots.)

Pie: Pumpkin, apple, coconut-pecan fudge.

[mom2boys]

I don't know about paid sick days unless we, as parent employers, are just a leading by example sub-group out to change the way the world works (without the help of gov't subsidies). But if I have to take a sick day because my sitter/nanny calls in and I don't get a paid sick day then I'm out double? I think it's enough that she gets the benefit of the doubt and to keep her job but wow that makes me sound like a grinch.

Pie is my new favorite dessert. Wasn't a big fan growing up. I think this means I am officially old.

[SarcastiCarrie]

hush - Tough decision. Play it by ear. I think it depends partly on how you structured it when you started working with her (re: vacation and holiday pay as well). If there is ample paid vacation time, I would not have paid sick days and I'd tell her she could use one of those to keep her pay up (but request that vacation time be arranged a minimum of XX days in advance and you know that things (illness) come up yadda yadda yadda).

I made two pumpkin, two pumpkin praline, pecan, and sweet potato. My MIL made an apple slices thing that is like pie. Considering how much harder sweet potato was than pumpkin and how similar they tasted, I will never make sweet potato pie again. My goal for Christmas: learn to make French Silk pie (or turtle, or chocolate peppermint).
Also: total rave reviews for the Pat in the Pan oil crust: homemade crust without the rolling pin.

[Raia]

@Hush, I would pay the babysitter for the sick day if you think she is a great babysitter and you want her to think you're the best family to work for (so you can keep her) AND if you can afford it. You'll know pretty soon if this is a habit or real sickness.

[caramama]

@hush - We pay our nanny for her sick days and vacation days (hers as well as ours). To be honest, we were going to set a certain amount up front, but we didn't get around to it. Over the 2+ years our nanny has been with us, she has not abused this arrangement. We have occasionally wondered if she is really sick, but she doesn't call in sick often so we let it go even if we think she might not have been. After all, I have taken "mental health" days from work before and understand the need sometimes to do that. She knows that her taking a sick day means that hubby and I scramble and have to take a sick day ourselves (and we do get paid for a certain amount of sick days).

My take is to give the benefit of the doubt until it becomes a pattern or too often or really puts you out. You can discuss with her amount of sick days or set a limit at any time. I like what @Slim said, "I'd rather be nice to someone who didn't deserve it than mean to someone who didn't deserve it."

@Pie - I love apple pie and pecan pie, which are the two pies I often make. But until we know for sure if the Pumpkin is allergic to pecan pie, I won't be making it.

@SarcastiCarrie - I LOVE French Silk pie. And I'll have to check out Pat in the Pan.

[Charisse]

I would think if the sitter is full time and you can afford it, paid sick days would be nice, at least after some initial period. But otherwise, probably not expected.

Pie: made pumpkin and chocolate pecan (since Mouse begged for something chocolate) and my friend D brought apple. Unless I'm feeling super pie-frisky and making buttermilk crusts with cheddar cheese for apple pies or something (not this year--see "horrible headcold") I do the Cook's Illustrated vodka pie crust. It's a snap to make and 5 1/2-year-old Mouse was almost able to roll it by herself.

[SarcastiCarrie]

Recipe for chocolate pecan, please?

And cheddar cheese crusts for apple pie? Charisse - Are you secretly from Wisconsin?

[MrsHaley]

@Slim -- "I'd rather be nice to someone who didn't deserve it than mean to someone who didn't deserve it."

Gonna tattoo that one on my forehead (along with "It's more important to be kind than right."). AWESOME.

[nej]

My favorite pies are pecan (especially choco pecan!), pumpkin, and sweet potato. Basically, anything with sugar in it.

Now, not to be rude, but have we talked about pie enough?
Because I really want to hijack this thread...

How do you guys handle weekends/holidays etc when your husband is around? DH and I have always had this issue. Mon-Fri, I'm in charge and the kids and I have a routine and it works (you know, as well as anything can work with two kids and one crazy mom.) Then comes Saturday and Sunday and everything goes to pot. Because I'm not "in charge", things get forgotten or nap time gets pushed back or diapers don't get changed as often blahblahblah. And I don't mean to imply that it's b/c *I'm* not in charge, I mean, because now the responsibilities are shared, lots of stuff falls through the cracks. What to do, what to do?

Also, has anyone had any experiences with weighted blankets? E keeps asking for us to sleep on him (literally) and I think he needs the weight or pressure to be able to fall asleep. I found a website that makes the blankets, but at $85 a pop, I need to be sold. Any experiences?

[Raia]

I'm a SAHM of an 18 month old and I completely agree that when my husband is around things are very different. I tend to have a schedule that is pretty flexible on timing of beginning/end, but things follow a certain order and all the things I consider important are accomplished. My husband is not wired that way at all. The only thing that really bugs me is that I have to ask him if he's brushed our son's teeth and checked his diaper because otherwise he'll forget and those two things are too important (IMO) to let slide. As for the rest, I just let it go and consider it the cost of getting time to myself. Luckily, our son is flexible enough to get back on our loose schedule by Monday, even if over the weekend bedtime was pushed back because naptime got pushed back, etc. At first it took a lot of willpower on my part not to try to direct things, but now I figure that our son will live his entire life dealing with his parent's different styles and I just have to let things go.

[sarah]

I couldn't help myself and directed things so that, husband home or not, things essentially run on the same schedule. I figured, if things get out of whack then it is me who has to suffer by getting the schedule back come Monday, so I get to dictate. It took some time, but eventually my husband came to respect the schedule because our son is so much happier when well rested / well fed. So, now I don't find I need to direct so much... I am bossy when it comes to the baby, since he is primarily (90% of the time) my responsibility. If my husband has something that is 90% of the time his responsibility, he can be bossy about that.

[flyingbird]

My husband takes care of the toddler on evenings and we trade off on weekends, but he does the bulk of childcare then as well since the kiddo just loves spending the time with him and prefers Daddy. Husband knows the schedule but things slip. It makes me a little crazy because kiddo is very routine oriented, but Daddy is not, so there is fallout. I went grocery shopping and mentioned before I left, "I probably won't be home for lunch, here are the options...". I come home two hours later, when naptime should be starting, and guess what, no lunch has been had. So we deal with getting food into an overly tired whining cranky toddler, and I am thoroughly tired of being a constant nag. We've talked about it loads of times but it always remains "Mommy's schedule" and I have to keep prodding. I am thinking of trying a printout of a schedule posted next, maybe having a "neutral" list to look at might be more helpful than my constant yammering.

[Charisse]

@Sarcasticarrie, nope, grew up in Seattle, but I do love my cheese!

This the chocolate pecan recipe I used

http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Bittersweet-Chocolate-Pecan-Pie-240605

but I replaced half the dark corn syrup with maple (because I ran out of the corn syrup) - it's super yummy and easy. :)

(sorry for more pie talk)

[mom of three]

@nej - I really like to have a lot of weight on me when I am sleeping - can't really sleep otherwise, regardless of temperature. I don't have sensory issues otherwise, just this one thing. I just use a lot of blankets and they weigh plenty. Try laying under a sheet, 2 thin blankets and a thick blanket/coverlet or two, maybe a quilt on top of that - it is really quite heavy. If you had these already in the house,it would be cheaper than $85. Maybe not if you had to buy stuff though.... When I lived in the midwest without air conditioning, I sweated off a pound or two every night, but I just could NOT sleep without the weight....

[Maria C.]

I was happy to read that Moxie was feeling better, and looking forward to a thanksgiving day post . . . anyone else mildly concerned that she's gone awol so many days in a row? I hope the absence is due to lots of pie and good times, and not bad times.

[meggiemoo]

@nej...I bought a weighted blanket for my DS (he's almost 4). I had a lot of hope for it because he was so restless at bedtime, and I personally love to have heavy blankets on me. So I bit the bullet, and yes, it was expensive! He hasn't really used it yet, because he moves around so much in his bed that he kept kicking it off. If he doesn't use it, maybe I'll throw it up on Craigslist and see if anyone wants it.

[nej]

@Charisse - Chocolate pecan pie talk is alright with me. Thanks for the recipe! And the maple syrup variation sounds brilliant.

@mom of three - I thought about burying him under blankets but he's such an exothermic kid that I don't think he'd be able to sleep with anything more than the blanket he sleeps with. And I'm afraid to turn down the heat any more than it already is as we spent a week or so freezing the newborn and we've arrived at a temp that seems to please most everyone. I found a website that has weighted blankets for $50 and so I ordered one. Now you have me wondering if he's got any other sensory issues that we haven't caught on to yet.

And gratuitous cute toddler story:
Me: "Oh, hon...Who knows?"
Him: "I do. I knows."

Don't know why that cracks me up so much.

[Meghan]

@Maria C. - Yes! I've been checking everyday, wondering if everything is ok!

@Nej - I know exactly what you mean. I'm a SAHM of 2 (2 years and 7 months), and we have a pretty good routine going. When my husband is home, god love him, nothing gets done unless I direct it. Everything gets pushed back, or it doesn't get done at (unless I do it, of course). I wish all the time that he'd take some initiative to start lunch, change a diaper, whatever!

[Meghan]

@Maria C. - Yes! I've been checking everyday, hoping that everything is okay!

@nej - I know exactly what you mean. I'm a SAHM of a 2 year-old and a 7 month-old, and we finally have a pretty good routine going. When my husband is home, everything gets pushed back, or skipped altogether, unless I do it, of course. I love him to death, but jeez, I wish he'd take some initiative sometimes to start lunch, get ready for naps, or whatever!

[Cloud]

@Hush- I read somewhere once that research showed that people given unlimited paid sick days take fewer sick days than people given a certain amount. However, I, like many people working for a company (as opposed to the government), have a set amount of "paid time off", which is combined vacation and sick leave. If I need more days off than I have, I have to take unpaid days.

If I had a nanny, I'd probably offer the same deal I have- a set amount of combined paid time off. But I don't have a nanny, so feel free to ignore my opinion.

@nej- Hubby and I have very different styles and different things that bug us as parents. Things work best here when we're communicating well and have agreed upon rules and schedule that both parents enforce. But that doesn't always happen.

I've got nothing on the pies, because I wasn't in charge of Thanksgiving dinner this year.

[j]

I've also been checking to see if Moxie is okay. I know that some of us are friends of Moxie in real life. If she's okay could you just post a quick message to let us know?

xo

[Cathy]

1. None of the kids are super little anymore (youngest will be 2 soon) and I am a WOHM, but on long weekends and vacation, it always takes a while to get used to the change in dynamic with two parents sharing the load. Either of us do OK when there's just one of us, and during our "normal" shared time - mornings, evenings, 2 day weekends, but outside of that takes some getting used to.

2. Weighted blankets: If you don't want to spend the money on one and have sewing skills (or a friend/relative who wants to make you a holiday gift) Weeks Ringle posted a free tutorial on her blog, for one they made for their daughter: http://craftnectar.com/category/free-patterns/

[mom2boys]

re: weekend scheduling

The obvious difficulty is that an extra person's need and wants have to be added into the equation - can't just expect to do things exactly the same and hope he finds himself on the same schedule as a baby and a toddler. It sounds so nerdy but have you thought of writing down what your typical day looks like so he can maybe visualize it? I do better when expectations are set out in front of me than hearing about them as they are about to occur. And maybe find areas he'd like to take over on the weekends or he could spend one on one time with your son while maybe the baby naps in the am (if the baby naps in the am)?
It's tough. And ever changing. Good communication, as always, seems to be the key.

[SarcastiCarrie]

I'm not in charge M-F because I WOH, but on the weekends, nothing gets gone if I don't do it or tell my husband to do it. But he is not aware of "clock time" in any aspects of his life so I don't think this is especially related to him not liking the schedule or it being my schedule, etc. He's just perpetually late/unaware of the time. I even started going to bed without him because his lateness was making me cranky.

[caramama]

@Moxie being MIA - I'm not actually worried. My guess is that she had planned the Thanksgiving post as an autopost, and that feature seems to not always work. I do hope everything is okay with her, though.

@nej - I was also going to suggest writing down the schedule and hanging it up somewhere that everyone can see and check. Maybe even making it a checklist or something. I'm a very visual person, and I find that I remember things better if I can actually see them written down.

[caramama]

Now can I throw out an issue we are having to get your wonderful suggestions?

It's about sleep. Isn't it always in my house. The 5.5 month old baby actually sleep well, when swaddled and in the swing. With my daughter (now 2.75 yo), I was so worried about moving her out of the swing (at 2 months) and out of the swaddle (at 4 months) but she's had a tough time sleeping ever since. So I always said that if I could do it over, I would let her stay in the swing and swaddle as long as possible.

So here we are, with the boy still in the swing and swaddled at 5.5 months. I start him off in his crib (swaddled), where he will sleep for 45 min - 2 hours. Then I bring him into bed with me where he either nurses constantly or wakes up every 1 - 2 hours and nurses back to sleep. Most nights, at some point, I move him to the swing, where he sleeps from 2 - 5 hours STRAIGHT!

But he's getting big. He will outgrow the swing (probably already has, but it still works) and the swaddle. How the heck to I transition him without ruining the decent sleep we are finally getting after 3 years of turbulent sleep issues? And OMG when will I actually get a full nights sleep? Do you think it will help when we start him on solids in 2 weeks or is that just a myth?

Any supportive help is appreciate. We don't do CIO, and I feel he is still even too young to fuss for long.

[MLRH]

My real life Moxie by another name (like the big sister I never had but would choose if we could!) told me that the weekend chaos was actually good for the kids! Monday is all about grttig back on our 2/3/4ish schedule. The differences help their little brains expand and although Monday can be rough it's worth it. I find I need to give Daddy tasks. This past weekend we had tons of old friends dropping by to looky loo --I mean say hi -- and he kept getting into 'projects' like replacing the fridge filter rather than just playing with 16m Squeek. Finally, I got them out the door with a to do list. 'Take a walk, snip magnolia branches at your moms house and deliver this coffee cake to your sister.' It bought me an hour of power to get stuff done, squeek loved seeing his grandmother and cousins and Daddy got his exercise in. So, my best advice is to make simple to do lists; avoid micro management; post nap and feeding schedule in an obvious spot; muffle screen doors (he ALWAYS forgets during naps and lets them thawack! shut); return to major routine on Monday.
Also, this is your weekend mantra: He is not doing it wrong. He just does it differently.
As I'm on bedrest since Saturday evening it's been MY mantra. I did have to explain to the husband that the son is not a dog and will not stop on his way to grab a sooty blow poke just because you whistle and say, "No!" Yeah... Gotta get up and redirect said toddler while explaining the blow poke is dangerous and dirty and off limits. Eh... It's funny.

As for pies: I just had one teeny slice of pecan pie and have been craving more. Sigh.

As for Moxie - I think she's just taking a little mental health break. A girl's gotta refill her basket sometimes!

[mom2boys]

@caramama - Can you get a bigger swing? I am only half kidding. I have no good sleep advice but much hope that the good sleep he's getting now will continue!!

[theklamsays]

@caramama - I don't know how much help I can offer as we have a 23 month old who is in the running for the world's worst sleeper award. But lots of support (and empathy) coming your way from me :) In my experience, starting solids had no impact on sleep (but I know others who have had the opposite experience). But hey, at least it didn't make things worse!

Have you thought about replacing motion and the swaddle with something else sensory-related - white noise? We've had some success with a white noise machine set to ocean waves, at the very least it drowns out background noise and now he has a strong sleep association with hearing that sound (I'm probably setting him up for a lifetime of issues relating to beach vacations...).

[SarcastiCarrie]

@caramama - Embrace the swaddle until the child breaks free. My younger boy was swaddled (arms and legs) for naps and nighttime until 7 months. Then he started busting his arms out. I just bought bigger swaddles with better, stronger velcro. Now at a year, my younger still doesn't sleep great but it's manageable. He sleeps in a sleep sack - no swaddle.

Get a bigger, stronger swing. Nothing wrong with that. Do you ever leave him in the swing and let it stop swinging? Does he stay asleep? If so, he might just like that position - not so much the motion. Try some things, mix it up. Maybe try a bouncer/vibrating chair (I have a Fisher Price Infant to Toddler Rocker that vibrates and is good to 40 pounds or so, very sturdy).

[Slim]

For our first, I was adamantly "Begin as you mean to go on," so no cosleeping, no sleeping in the bouncy chair.

Now I think whatever gets you safely through is just fine, and sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof, or Don't Borrow Trouble. Which is to say, keep doing what works until it doesn't work. You're going to have a developmentally kid in a month or two, and that kid may sleep just fine in a crib but swaddled, or in a crib but not swaddled, or whatever.

I think the solid food/sleep connection is a post hoc error myself. About the time they're developmentally ready for solid food, they've often acquired the skills to settle themselves back to sleep.

[paola]

@caramama

I have no idea what the swing looks like but just to add to @SarcasticCarrie's comment about trying something with a similar position (I'm imagining the swing is slightly upright right?). Noah for a whole year only ever napped in his carseat (capsule, that is, don't know what you guys in North America call them). The times I tried to put him in his cot, he'd sleep for 40 minutes and then I had a tired whiny baby on my hands for the rest of the day. He would sleep up to 3 hours in that thing ( from 6 months on, that is), sometimes wake after 40 minutes, then rock himself back to sleep. It was the upright position he liked, plus the ability to rock. Don't know if you have tried/could try something similar.

[caramama]

I love you people. You always make me feel better.

We do also use white noise in the form of a humidifier. It definitely helps. The batteries have died on the swing, making it stop swinging mid-nap, and he wakes up at the 45 min mark, just like he does lying down in the crib. So I think it's the motion mostly.

I think the reason I am fretting about this is because we went to my inlaws for Thanksgiving and they didn't have a swing. Add to that that we all were very sick, and his sleep was horrible. But we aren't traveling for a while, and who knows how he'll be sleeping in a few months?

[Amy A]

For Caramama- I've heard good things about this swing helping babies sleep. I have not used it personally. I don't know if it is possible to get one used: http://www.babyhammocks.com/

And reviews of it: http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=310920

Good luck. Baby sleep stinks. But what doesn't kill you... doesn't kill you.

[crescentgirl]

Re sleep - our younger son was terrrrible until we figured out food sensitivities and took him for adjustments at the chiropractor. Now he sleeps straight through, all night, 8 or more hours.

Moxie - are you out there? Hope all is well!!

[flea]

Moxie is posting normal status updates to her Facebook friends, so don't worry about her!

I WOH and mr. flea and try to cooperate and communicate with child stuff on evenings and weekends. He recently went on a week-long trip and I was stunned at how much easier it was to get things done. Because I was the only one in charge, I made decisions and implemented them. I didn't have the option to be lazy and wait for him to remember it was bedtime. I thought this would be extra stressful for me - being in charge of everything - but actually it was easier. I need to have a conversation with him about that. It would be great to implement in our regular routines, since obviously we are not doing the job of communicating very well.

[girdtmom]

@flea
Thanks for the Moxie update -I was starting to worry!