Sharing and Caring Week: Evening Routines

Since we shared morning routines yesterday, let's move on to evening routines today. (Share your morning routine here, if you didn't already.)

Start at whatever point you'd like, and take it on through bedtime.

I'll start:

I usually get off the subway from work between 6:30 and 6:45 pm, and walk 8 blocks to pick up my kids at their dad's apartment. He relieves the babysitter at 5 and plays with them for that time. The kids and I walk back to my apartment (right by the subway).

If I'm lucky, I have food for supper in the house. If not, we have to stop at the grocery store to buy food to cook.

Come home, check mail, walk up to the fourth floor, dump burdens, remove shoes, wash hands.

I go into the kitchen to start supper and the kids start playing or fighting or play-fighting. Favorites include Legos, Wii, or watching DVR'd kids shows (Fetch with Ruff Ruffman, The Penguins of Madagascar, Word Girl, etc.). Some cat-chasing may be involved.

We eat, then hang out and play, do some homework, and I run a bath for the little one. He takes a bath, then the big one takes a shower (new development) while I'm getting the little one in his pajamas. They brush teeth, then we read a book or two, and they go to bed.

I tell myself I'm going to exercise, but usually just wash some dishes and fall asleep. If I'm lucky, it's in my bed. If not, I peel myself off the couch in the middle of the night and stumble into bed.

Wow. Now that I read over it, my life is kind of depressing and small. But my bedtime routine is remarkably easier than it was when the kids were little, and they sleep all night, so I can't complain.

Your turn!

Comments

[suzanna]

We are both WOH parents to twin boys, 2.5

We've been struggling lately with the post-bath routine, maybe someone here has suggestions. Anyway, here it is:

3:55 I leave work on my bike

4:00 I arrive home to relieve the nanny, and play with them, maybe go for a run with them in the stroller, and maybe do some dinner prep

5:00 husband gets home, and one of us makes dinner for real, we both play with the boys, do chores

6:00 dinner

6:30 I do bath, husband cleans up

~6:50 out of bath and dry. In theory they're now supposed to get jammies on and then feed cats, read stories/quiet play in the living room. Lately this time has evolved into crazy naked time. I tell them they can't have stories or feed the cats until they get jammies on, and they've been choosing to just be crazy up until

7:25 enough! Jammies now! No time for stories in living room! Here I insist that they get jammies on, 'helping' them if necessary. this has been getting better recently, but can be ugly

7:30 brush teeth, potty

then we go in their room, dad says good night, and we read 2 stories on the big former nursing chair. Then lights off, they hop into bed, and I sing two lullabies. I wish wish wish I could leave at this point, or at least sit quietly in the room while they fell asleep. Most often there are multiple requests for changes of blankets, or for dad to come in, etc. Sometimes it gets really ugly with one wanting dad, the other not wanting me to leave. For some reason it really bugs me when we're both in there. If all seems relatively calm I stick around for a few minutes, kiss them each goodnight, then leave. Then boy A starts calling my name, or runs out of bed, etc. I've cured the running out of bed by silently returning him each time, so now he mostly just cries out for me to stay. And I wouldn't mind staying, except he's not the type to quietly drift off, he squirms and talks to himself and is just kind of annoying. Ugh, I can't believe I am calling my dear sweet boy annoying. Anyway, it's not until 8:30-8:45 that they are actually both asleep. Meanwhile DH is cleaning up, or doing work.

8:45-9:00 I catch up on email, review papers, buy stuff online, pay bills. On weekends we watch a movie.

11:00 time for bed

[suzanna]

I should add that while boy A is doing his squirming, and 'mum snuggle loo', and panting and so on, boy B is usually actually calmly lying there, going to sleep. At least there's that.

[Jennifer]

Characters: Me (work part-time), Spouse (work full-time), 20-month daughter L.

On the days I work away from home, the routine is something like this:

4:30-ish: I arrive home. Take advantage of the time to work out. At least in theory.

5:00: Spouse arrives home. Depending on just when he gets home and whether I'm done working out, one or both of us walks (10 min) to Grandma's house to fetch L. Sometimes Grandma walks with L down to us instead.

Sometime between 5:30 and 6, we're all home and we start fixing dinner. On the days I work, Spouse generally does most of the cooking, while I play with L. Fridays (when I don't work) are always pizza night, which is mostly my job (and which I started around 4 since I make my own dough. Yum.)

Hopefully by 6:30, we're all eating dinner. On a good night, L is sufficiently interested in eating that she stays in her chair until we're mostly done, then walks around and around and around the dining room table giggling. On a less good night, she's not very interested in eating, and the laps around the table don't hold her attention long enough to let us finish, and she gets whiny.

When we're done with dinner (around 7) we might do a little bit of clean up with L ("Can you put your crayons in this box? No, sweetie, let's not get out more blocks right now...") but as often as not, it's straight to bath-time. Spouse handles the bath and its accompanying rituals (of which there are many, as I learn every time I try to do the bath instead). I work on cleaning up the kitchen.

By around 7:45, L is hopefully out of the bath and spouse is getting her diaper and jammies on. These days, she is very particular that she wants her bedtime books read by Mama, so I go upstairs and do that. Then it's time for milkies -- yes, she still nurses to sleep. Spouse kisses her goodnight and goes downstairs to take over kitchen cleanup, litterbox cleaning, and whatever other chores need doing. On a good night, she's asleep and in her crib by 8:30. Recently that has tended to be more like 9:00 or even 9:30, though -- a late start to dinner throws off the whole routine, or L just won't settle down and nurse, or something.

In theory, spouse and I have time for ourselves between 9 and 10, and then go to bed at 10. In practice, bedtime has been creeping towards 10:30 -- but with a 5:30 wakeup, that's really doing me in.

On which note ... it appears to be 9:59.

[mom2boys]

One of the pick kid up at 4:30 moms to explain:

I don't work 40 hours a week. I am in school part-time at night and my employers know that I'm in a job right now, not a career and they are okay with that. My schedule is 8-4:30 but there are days when I need to leave at 4 and there are days when I don't get in until 8:30. I'm paid hourly so if I'm not there, they aren't paying me. And the daycare is less than ten minutes away from where I work.

My partner has a career and full-time job and 37.5 hour work week. But she also works from home after the kids go to bed most weeknights. So she can leave and be home by 5 a couple of times a week without it being a problem.

That's how we do it.

[MellissaD]

2 3/4 son, SAHM me, WOHD.

Times can differ, but generally:

I try to start cooking dinner around 6pm, if not before.

On a good day, we'll be eating by 6:30pm. But it's usually more like 7pm.

After dinner, my son plays while I tidy up a bit and/or catch up with husband if he's been able to make it home in time to eat with us (he has variable start/finish times at his job).

Toy pack-up and bathtime for son around 7:45pm or so. If husband is home he does this & gets son into pj's, teeth brushed, etc while I do dishes & finish cleaning the kitchen (okay, so I usually sneak in some Internet time instead, but you know...).

I jump into my son's bed and we read stories, sing songs, talk about the day, pray. He then likes "five minutes" to read by himself, then we say goodnight. Lights out somewhere between 8:30pm - 9pm.

Occasionally he'll have trouble getting to sleep, but usually I don't hear from him again til morning. He sometimes wakes during the night, but goes straight back to sleep after I get him a drink/help him find Teddy/put his blanket back on/whatever.

I then spend the rest of the evening finishing cleaning up the kitchen, watching tv, wasting way too much time online (*grin*), spending time with my husband, etc. I am a night owl and a chronic insomniac and am rarely asleep before 2am.

My son has a fairly late bedtime compared to many kids his age, but he gets 10+ hours sleep a night and naps 1.5+ hours most days. It works for us :o)

[flea]

I used to work 7:30-4, with 1/2 hour unpaid lunch. Loved that schedule. Usually picked up my kid at daycare by 4:15, home by 4:30.

Now I work 8-5 with a required hour unpaid lunch. I have no car at work so can't run errands, and I never spend an hour eating. Grrr.

[Jessica]

Two working parents with two kids and expecting #3. I work out of a home office and my husband often travels. This schdedule gets modified a bit from 4:30-7pm on the two weekdays we have soccer or CCD after school.

2:45pm--Outlook alarm goes off to pick up sone at preschool by 3pm. Wrap-up whatever and race out of the house to get him in time.
3:00ish--Get home, get him a snack and let him watch 1/2 hour of Dinosaur train while I continue to work.
3:30--Distracted by finishing work and forget to extract him from the tv when Dinosaur train is over an engage him in some type of constructive activity and he begins watching whatever is next on PBS. Feel guilty but usually let him keep watching.
3:50--Pry him away from TV screaming his show is not done and rush down to the corner to meet M's bus.
4:00--5:ish-Sort out school bags, make M a snack, start her homework, B does some type of craft project, plays in the palyroom or plays in back yard, often continue to finish up work projects even though I am technically done at 4pm via BB.
5:00ish--Start getting dinner ready, usually with two helpers and continue on with what is going on above. Kids set table, feed pets, pick up the mess they have made since arriving home from school.
6:00ish--D comes home from work and we have a family dinner.
6:30ish--One of us cleans up dinner and the other one plays with the kids and heads up stairs to get the bath process started.
7:00-8:00--Kids upstairs showering (M) an bathing (B) and playing in their rooms or snuggling with D on our bed. If I am the one cleaning tthen children go the kitchen, I also usually running around trying to talk to D, getting things ready for the next day, etc. at this time. Depending on weather and who is on bath duty, D may do something like mow the lawn now, or we might do a two-person household chore/project.
8:00--Family snuggle with stories and children go to sleep by 8:15ish, hopefully in their own beds!
After kids are asleep I may go downstairs and finish work/get the house ready for the next day or work on my laptop in bed or watch tv with D before sleep. D almost never gets up from the family shuggle and is in bed with his laptop or tv till we go to sleep.

[meggiemoo]

@Megan and SarcastiCarrie:

Our company (non-profit) has 7.5-hour days (9-5, with a 1/2 hour lunch). The moved our offices a few years ago from a location that was 30 minutes from my house to one that is 90 minutes+ from my house. When I said I would have to quit, my boss agreed to allow me to have unusual hours (in at 10, leave at 4), and work the remainder of it at night after the kiddos are in bed. So that's my situation.

Another question for everyone...no one has mentioned sex. When do you have time for it? We're having a devil of a time finding the time/energy for sex. And my DH is starting to whine.

[the milliner]

Stats: WOHM, SAHD (in between contracts), 15 month DS, dog, cat.

4:30pm I leave work to pick up DS at Daycare down the street.

5:15pm Arrive home. Call up to DH to get him to help us upstairs. We live on the 3rd & 4th floor of a walk up and I'm grateful for the help when he's around. DS' backpack + DS + my big purse + pumping backpack = too much for one trip upstairs (though I do manage it if DH is not home).

5:25 DS plays in living room while I dispose of dirty (cloth) diapers, unpack bottles & food containers for washing later, throw dirty clothes in laundry, prep his room for bedtime (close curtains, clean snot suction thingy, get pj's out). While I do this DH is playing with &/or supervising DS.

5:40 I make DS' dinner (usually leftovers of our meal from the night before - protein & veggie & starch) & DH often walks the dog for her evening walk at this time.

6:10 DS plays in living room while I clean up from dinner & prep for bath.

6:20 DS gets naked (which he protests - hates getting undressed & diaper changed right now) while we listen to music in his room (his new favorite thing).

6:25 Bathtime. Usually goes pretty smoothly and DS expends those last energy reserves by splashing & playing or asking (with hand gestures) me to do something funny for the umpteenth time. We brush his teeth. OK, well he tries to brush mine more but he'll usually let me get a few brushes in on his own set of teeth. DH & dog usually return home during bathtime. Dog barges in to the bathroom to see what's what. When DS sees DH, he wants out of tub to go into Papa's arms.

6:45 Back into bedroom for more screaming and resisting of changing & new diapering. On good days, there is no screaming & no resisting. DH is usually on hand to help DS-wrangle. Kiss papa goodnight. I suction the snot / salinex, BF (one side) and read 2-3 books to DS (on occasion DH will read the books). Then BF (other side) with lights out so DS can fall asleep. Mostly out within 5-10 minutes. 30 minutes on hard days. Gingerly place DS in crib, turn on humidifier & /or fan. All this process finishes up by around 7:30 usually.

7:30pm Stumble out to living room where DH is usually watching Jeopardy while preparing dinner. I take a 1/2 hour break in front of the TV or computer as I'm most exhausted at that point.

8:00pm Help prepare dinner, or clean up, or do laundry or some other chore. Or call my mother. Or watch TV on lazy/tired nights.

8:30pm Lately DH & I have been eating this early (yes early). We've been known to often eat at 9:30pm or even 10pm (not so great for digestion). What can I say. We find it hard to give up our love for food and preparing new & interesting dinners. Even if we're exhausted, and have no time.

9:00pm Usually watch some TV & / or clean up. I wish I had been able to accomplish something on my to do list.

10:00 pm DS has often fallen asleep on sofa. I wake him to tell him to keep an ear open for DS as I walk the dog for her late night pee.

10:10 pm My bedtime routine (brush teeth, wash face, moisturize, check doors are locked, check in on DS, turn out most lights, try to wake up DH again from sofa to remind him to take his medication & to go to bed), then I head upstairs to read before falling asleep around 10:30. DH stumbles upstairs anywhere around 10:30 - midnight, reads (sometimes) & falls asleep.

11:00pm DS usually wakes up anywhere from 10:30 - 11:30. I BF and he goes back to bed in about 5 mins. Then the overnight routine starts (DS wakes up at 2 & 4pm. argh.)

[mo]

4 1/2 yr old twin boys, 2 WOH parents (both with pretty early hours). I work NY hours but live in CA so I'm in early but out early.

Home by 3:45/4 - boys typically are getting up from their nap right as I am coming home but they may sleep as late as 4:30.

Boys play with Lego's while I putter in kitchen and figure out what needs to go into the oven for dinner later. Play Lego's with boys or our new routine is to attempt to get them out of the house and run them around a bit at the park.

Dad comes home by 5. He plays with boys while I finish up dinner. We try to have dinner by 6, it is usually sometime between 6 and 6:30. Dinner lasts about 1/2 hour.

Sometimes the boys do shower or bath with dad while I clean up. Otherwise I get the boys ready for bed (no bath, just PJs, brush teeth etc.) while DH cleans up from dinner.

May take a quick bike ride/walk with the boys if they didn't go to the park or do something active that evening. Or if we had an early dinner and we have the time.

7ish Boys watch a portion of a movie each night. They alternate nights as to who picks out the movie and the scenes for that night. We are on a Wall-E kick right now.

7:30 really trying to have the movie over at this time. We've tried to teach the boys that if they have time outs, dilly-dally getting ready for bed or at dinner then that eats into their movie time.

DH takes one boy to bed and I take the other. We read one or 2 stories to the child and then switch so we've each read one story to both children. Say goodnight. Each child can call us into their room one time. So they do. They then have this routine with their dad where they sneak out of their room, he catches them and then they go back to bed. Ideally that's it.

In the real world, they call us again. We've instituted a rule that if they call us more than once they get one of their books from their basket (by their bed that they can read with their flashlight) taken from them that night. It seems to help some. Typically it is 8:30 by the time the boys are officially in bed.

DH and I putter a little, watch TV or read the paper. We've been trying to go to sleep by 9:30 since we have to get up so early.

[Therese]

This is so interesting. I forgot to begin yesterday that I am a WOHM, an airline pilot husband (gone about 15 days a month), 4 month old son.

Finish work around 5 and drive the 5 minutes to pick up baby at daycare. (sometimes this 5 minutes turns into 15 or 20 b/c I work on a college campus and traffic can be crazy!) Leave daycare around 5:15 - 5:20 and begin commute home. Arrive home around 6:00. Depending on when baby last ate at daycare, I either nurse or pump. I then prepare dinner, eat, clean up dinner, wash and prepare bottles for next day, pack lunch (usually leftovers) for next day. Finish up with this around 7-7:15 (depends on what baby needs as far as snuggling/entertaining). Then try to leave the house for a walk/visit with the neighbors. (I don't know what we're going to do when it gets dark early and the temp drops, we all really like this outside time). Around 8:00, come back home to begin bed routine. Nurse baby, then bath, read story, rock... Hopefully he's asleep (or almost asleep) in his crib by 8:45 - 9:00. At 9:00 I finish up any chores around the house (general tidying, finish kithcen and bottle/lunch prep for next day), lay out my clothes for work. I try to be in bed by 9:30, it's usually 9:45. Depending on how tired I am, I will throw in some reading and/or tv watching before sleep. I then pray that the baby only wants to wake up once to nurse so that I can maximize my sleep before the alarm at 5:30am.

I should note that the above schedule changes slightly on the weeknights that my husband is home. He tries to pick the baby up early from daycare so they can have bonding time and/or start dinner so we can eat a little earlier. I also very rarely have to do any grocery shopping and/or laundry on weeknights. If my husband is home during the week when I'm at work, we'll send the baby to daycare for a few hours (we pay for a FT slot anyway) and my wonderful husband will try to do all of those chores so I'm not left with them when I'm by myself. It's not perfect, but we try to make it work.

On an exciting note, we finished the night routine early last night and actually had some adult bonding/quiet time before bed. It was awesome!

[Mogget]

I will start with our stats. I work FT 1st shift, DH works FT 2nd shift. Our kids are 4 and 2 yrs old. My mom watches them for the 2-3 hours between our shifts.

I pick up the kids around 5 pm from my mom’s house, and spend some time talking, admiring her garden (and receiving from the plenty…), etc. We’re usually home by 6 pm and I serve the kids something quick for dinner. Since DH has gone to 2nd shift, my diet plans have been going great! I usually eat leftovers, or pick at the kids plates as I clean up from dinner. While I’m cooking, if I’m lucky the kids will watch some Discovery Channel while they play, if I’m not lucky, they’ll demand SpongeBob (gag…).

After dinner I usually do some laundry, lay out my clothing for tomorrow, prepare my lunch for tomorrow, tidy up the living area, etc., while the kids play around me. I don’t do the dishes, DH does those the next morning (in return, I clean up the debris of the kids playing all day—he does not clean as they go). Some nights DS does some kindergarten preparation “homework”, but we don’t stress it.

If it’s bath night, I bathe them together around 7:00 (clean the little one first, wrap her in a towel to dry, clean the big one, wrap him in a towel to dry and then lotion, PJs, detangler, hair brushed, and finally teeth brushed for both).
If it’s not bath night, around 7:30, I get them in their PJs, brush teeth, and do a last minute clean up of the bedrooms with their help. Around 8:00 DH calls to wish everyone a good night, and I start the first round of putting them to bed. Usually a drink and a potty break later my 4yo will fall asleep, but I am usually dealing with my 2yo until around 10:00 when she finally falls asleep. She also wakes up around midnight, and I don’t bother to get up—she just comes and sleeps with me. Sometimes DH puts her back in her bed when he gets home around 2:00, sometimes he doesn’t bother.

So that’s our routine. Right now things are kind of weird because due to the time my DH has to be at work, he usually has to wake one or both of the kids from their nap to go to grandma’s house. This sets them up to be in a foul mood the rest of the day. Conversely, he sometimes doesn’t give them a nap at all, and they fall asleep at grandma’s house, and I have to wake them up to take them home—then they’re wired for sound until at least 10:00. I count it a good night if we make it to bed time with only one meltdown per person. Usually we have several per child, and at least one for me (hate to admit it, but it’s true). I think we need to work in some planned book reading time (maybe right after baths…) as right now, it usually ends up not happening, or we end up reading the same 3 books over and over.

@meggimoo: we’re lucky to get sex once a week, on the weekend. I have suggested getting several rounds in on the weekend, but DH doesn’t seem interested in any more than once. I suspect he’s doing what I am, and “taking care of business” for himself during the week, but we have not discussed it. When we were both working 1st shift, he would often wake me up in the middle of the night. Usually I ignored him until I didn’t want to ignore him anymore (he could be very persuasive…*wink*).