Q&A: healthy body image alternatives to Barbie

Nora writes:

"My daughter is 32 months old and I NEVER thought I'd be here, especially so soon.  As a tool-toting feminist, I was ok with the dressing up in shiny shoes, tutus and the desire to turn everything from pipe cleaners to coax cable into jewelry.  I could tolerate multiple requests to change outfits.  But this afternoon, my kid came to me in the thrift store clutching ten Barbies to her chest keening, "Mommy, buy! Buy!".

I KNOW there are alternatives to Barbie out there. I think the appeal is that all her other [beloved] dolls are baby dolls; soft, chubby, diaper- and onsie-wearing babies.  Barbie is sleek! and bendy! and has long luxurious hair [at least some of them still do]!  And jewelry!

Can you point me towards the feminist alternatives that I know must be out there, or do I have to gnash my teeth and suffer through Barbie for the next [x] years?

Argh!

[I did buy her one doll, the only black-haired like my daughter.  Still, I can't get past the fact that $O.5O is too much to pay for early onset body dysmorphia.]"

Hahahaha. I think "$O.5O is too much to pay for early onset body dysmorphia" is going to be the 2009 version of "You taught my daughter to love reading.....I'm not buying you f-ing soap."

I can't really remark here, because I am guilty as charged. My second son, when he was 3, begged for an Ariel (Disney's Little Mermaid) doll. And I caved, and bought him the Barbie-style one, with breasts and hips (encased in her fish tail costume/apparatus) and flowy wild red hair.

However, that's only going to give him lifelong wrong impressions about what a woman's body is supposed to look like (minus the fish tail thing, I hope), and not give him body issues about his own body. Self-loathing is a bad thing.

To be sure, I think that buying more realistic body shape dolls for little girls is not going to fix the 24-hour onslaught of body image crap we get from the time we're born. And, if I know anything about kids around the 3-year-old age, it's that they often want only what they want, so she may refuse to play with other dolls if she's got Barbies in her heart.

BUT, you have to parent according to your principles. And if you don't want to buy Barbies, don't buy Barbies. Every little message is important.

As I am a pushover (the Ariel-loving child also has a pink Ariel lunchbox because he was so excited about it), I don't know anything about alternative dolls. But I am positive that the readers do. So will you all please recommend your favorite dolls that are adult- (or at least teen)-style dolls like Barbies are? If you put the http:// in front of the web address it'll automatically turn into a clickable link. And if you happen to make or sell these dolls, be sure to let us know.

At the same time, I know there have to be moms who've allowed Barbies even though they didn't want to. How did that process go for you, and are you OK with it at this point?

Comments

[hedra]

I have yet to find an alternative doll that has any appeal. Some of the CPC at the dollar store are a little more sane in body shape, but not a lot.

My son also has a barbie (Mr B), and wants a GI Joe to go with. Why? Because he wants to dress Barbie in Joe's clothes (and vice-versa), and play out GI Joe's dismay and Barbie's power, JUST like Mommy used to do. Heh.

In other words, we talk about it a lot. We talk about the way the images work, and that they get into your head. We encourage them to look at real bodies as real, and fake bodies as fake. GI Joe is also fake body. We are a relatively okay with partial and full nudity household (I don't wear a robe to get from the bathroom to my bedroom after a shower, for example), so they see fluffy belly and cellulite and spider veins.

My impression of Barbie as a child (and my mom was one of the original card-carriers) was that she was trying too hard. We used to wrap her up in morning glory vines and let the sheep chew on her, meanwhile screaming in Barbie voices 'Help, Help! Mutant Sheep!' ... or we'd have her be the bridesmaid when GI Joe (he of the kung-fu grip) and Ken got married. Mainly she was single, off doing her own thing, not caring what the guys thought of her (because the guys were way more into each other than into her, in our little Barbie world). I liked the sports car. Barbie liked speed. She crashed into a lot of walls, too.

One of the things I had to deal with when I had daughters was the influx of pink, princess, and dolls. It took me a while to adjust, but when it came down to it, it was more like these things had already been there with the boys, I just gave them different meaning because of MY experience as a girl. My sons are way into jewelry (Mr G was pointing out how many boys at camp had EARRINGS, mom, SEE, EARRINGS!), shoes, their 'look', baby dolls (you should see the fights over whose baby doll was whose first), cooking, gardening, and yes, Barbie. Plus the usual culturally guy range - weapons, history, math, yadda yadda. Mr B will be right there asking to get his toenails painted, along with the girls. He opts for clear, as the 'acceptable guy option' but he likes it.

And.

And my girls are into exactly what they're into, as well. Miss M is seriously into trucks (big, shiny, black, diesel is best), sharks (she has something like 8 stuffed sharks, a ton of books on sharks, knows what a caudal fin is, and you should have seen her four-year-old eye-roll when some adult at the Natural History Museum pointed to some other fish and said to their kid 'see, there's a shark!' - Puh-LEESE!). And she likes pretty shoes, princess dresses, and sparkly jewelry. She sees NO dichotomy there. She's still a gear-head science geek, she's just going to be HER kind of gear-head science geek. She wears her John Deere dress to dance around in (yeah, I had to make it, but John Deere is on the ball - they make pink stuff, too - the dress is the blue/green/yellow, though).

Miss R is similarly full-range. She's not so much into the science stuff, way more 'typical girl' - and way more sporto, too. If it has a ball, it's her game. She is more verbal and more socially oriented, but it feels like that is her way, not engineered by society. Just like Mr B is more social and family oriented than Mr G.

One tip for managing the issue - adults will tend to watch gender-typical (by culture) behaviors LONGER than non-gender-typical behaviors. EVEN if they disagree with gender typing!!!! Watch the unconscious observation durations, and see what happens to the behaviors. Kids are highly evolved to do what gets your attention, even if it is just casual attention. I read an article on that a few days before I saw it happen myself - I was just thinking about something, and saw that Miss R noticed me watching her. I wasn't even watching on purpose, but my eyes tracked to her more when she was playing with a doll than with a truck. DAMMIT. I stopped (looked away), and she ran me through the experiment for three full days - what made mommy look? She played different games with different toys to see if it was the kind of play, the object of play, or something else that had captured my gaze. She was way more subtle about it than I expected, too - casual pick up of doll, turn around while talking to the doll, flick of glance out of corner of eye... is mommy watching? Put doll down, pick up truck, vroom over floor, look up and smile, is mommy watching? Beat doll against floor, run over with truck, is mommy watching? Cuddle truck, is mommy watching? Holy wow, it was some major 24-7 effort on her part. I timed everything so I was watching 10 seconds duration for everything, and after three days, she stopped doing the truck vs doll play, went back to playing mostly with balls (her first love), with some truck and some doll added in.

With the boys, I watched everything, because my expectations were broad, and unloaded. I was just curious about everything. They do lean hard on some of the male behavioral stuff, and I wonder if I watched longer on that, too. Probably. But for girl stuff? I have SO many issues with the girl stuff, due to when I grew up (and with whom), that it was a hot-button for watching it. I could not look away. I NEEDED to know whether they were going for 'girly' or going for 'feminist' natively.

I ended up having to revise my own approach to being a woman, actually. Because I was modeling some stuff that was kind of limited, too - that image was about forcing myself away from body awareness, rather than incorporating it appropriately, say. Or total avoidance of some colors that look good on me, just because I thought of them as 'girly'. Here my daughters were choosing pink (gak!) and I refused to wear it. I've now added it back in. I've also noticed that many of my younger IT geek female peers are closer to where my daughters live than where I was. They like their girly stuff, but expect people to still treat them as professionals with brains and skills. There's one woman at work who clearly works out, is very fit, dresses just a bit to show that off (not overtly sexy, just aware), and is still Queen Geek with everyone (male and female both) stopping by to get help with this or that.

I'm not sure if that helps, but it was a strange realization that my kids are growing up in a world I never knew. I'd rather Barbie inhabit some other universe, but I'm willing to make an open discussion of the ways in which women are still expected to dress, act, and think - and that men are - in order to fit a pre-defined set of expectations. So far, my kids seem pretty good at saying 'well, that's DUMB' and doing their own thing.

Plus, I figure if I suppress too hard, I just make it into a stick for them to beat me with later. ;)

Sorry for the book. I'm usually bad, but this one caught my brain at the right moment. (Mr G, who is 11, recently helped me pick out summer shoes for work. He had a lot to say about how the heel should look, what color my toenails should be painted, and what kind of straps I could get away with and still look both powerful and professional, rather than cute/sexy/EWWWW - and seriously, he has a good eye for that. I'll take him shoe shopping with me ANY day.)

[z]

I grew up with a few babies. I was never immersed/absorbed with Barbie mania but yes I had some barbies and their clothes and even the corvette :)
I had a lot of fun with my babies and never at any point did I think, oh I wish i could like her. For me it was just a doll. It was a fun doll. We played lots of make believe house with Barbie and ken, gave several awful haircuts and hairdyes to barbie but there was never any longing to look like barbie and it's not because i already looked like her- quite the opposite actually.
My self-esteem issues came in to play more with the people around me. I was always told I was overweight, chubby, fat etc while growing up and my mom was constantly putting me on diets. All those signals that I received from my family and loved one's had the greatest impact and then as I grew into my teen years that's when all the media stuff kicked in.
But barbie making me feel bad about my body or making me want to look like her- Never. I guess with that I just feel sometimes a doll is just a doll and there are other ways to instill a healthy self-esteem.

[Clare]

My sister and I had My Friend Dolls as kids in the 1980s. I don't know if they are still available, but they were great. Hair long enough for styling, and tons of clothes. My crafty mom sewed and knit many many outfits for us. The dolls are much bigger than barbies, so the clothes are easier to manipulate, and they don't have a "womanly" shape, just arms, legs, and a soft torso. When I was a kid, they had a boy, a redhead, a blonde, and a brunette.

[Anna]

Ack..just lost a longer comment..
short version:
1) try groovy girls, knock off american girls
2) eh, if it's one barbie among lots of other stuff they have, i don't know that there will be a lasting affect. I think things like tv, movies, magazines, that show REAL people make a bigger impact. I didn't feel it was worth making an issue of barbie. I make issues about lots of other stuff though. If Barbie makes your skin crawl, skip it. And sports is a really good way to have a HEALTHY body image for the girls. Your body is STRONG and AWESOME, and look what you can do, as opposed to look how pretty it is.

[Erin]

I totally understand the OP's concern about Barbies (I loathe them as well) and body dysmorphia generally. And I know it's a bad idea to generalize from one example (and worst, my own!), but. . . I used to play with Barbies. Loved loved loved them, even though I wasn't really much of a girly girl. I used to dress them and marry them; it was very gender traditional. However I grew up with remarkably little body dysmorphia and few traditional understandings of gender. Nobody ever talked to me about these as "issues" - my mom was no feminist. She did on the other hand live her life in a feminist way. So that leads me to my main point - I know the pressures on girls are intense, but I believe that the #1 role model for how to be a woman is still a girl's mother. If you model comfort with and love for your body, an active life, few food issues, and an equal partnership w/ spouse then that *will* influence the way she thinks about all those things. . . I'm not against talking about body/gender issues with both sons and daughters - in fact, I think it's really important. And I'm sure I'll be frantically searching for feminist dolls myself. But I don't think the Barbie love is necessarily a self-esteem breaker. (I feel the same way about guns. I want to model a peaceful and nonviolent household where my son isn't given toy guns, but at the same time it's not a huge issue for me because I played "guns" all the time as a child - loved it, and grew up pacifist.)

Anyway, that's my personal take.

@ hedra - just wanted to say how much I appreciate and value your thoughtful posts on all topics.

[hedra]

I think my long comment was by way of the 'what is the underlying discomfort' question (like with the fireworks one) - 1) how to instill good body image, 2) how to deal with gender and culture expectations, 3) how to support our kids being who they are without imposing our will excessively.

The short form is 'model it, and keep the conversation open and ongoing' - on reread of my previous post, it sounds like we talk obsessively about Barbie and body image, but we don't - we just talk about it when it is an appropriate part of the conversation. Regularly, but not with a hammer. I know when it has taken root because I hear it come back in another form to one of their siblings.

[Lisa F.]

I recommend Manhattan Toy's Groovy Girls. They're "teenage" type dolls but have realistic bodies. I've found them in resale shops for $3.

[Jennifer @ Here I Stand]

My nearly 7-yr-old daughter went through a looooong princess spell. She also really liked some of the Barbie animated movies. I was surprised at how much *I* liked the Barbie movies, actually. Mermaidia in particular, where Barbie and her mermaid friend had to rescue the merman prince. Much better messages than some of the Disney princesses.

So K. had lots of Barbies, mostly from those movies. She carried each one around for a few days when new, and then they were never heard from again. She never really played with them (except for one that turned color underwater. that was pretty cool.).

Stuffed animals, though? Littlest Pet Shop? THOSE are her go-to pretend play toys. I can't explain it. Like someone said above, she is interested in what she is interested in, and Barbies never did it for her. I will say, though, that compared to Bratz and their ilk, the Barbie looks dowright wholesome.

(oh, and, Hi! I've been reading for a while but I don't think I've commented. Love the thoughtful discourse on this site.)

[Emma]

As a feminist who was a Barbie-owning child, I used to think Barbie was problematic.
Now I mostly just think... well, at least it's not a 'Bratz' doll.

This is not an easy time to be raising psychologically intact girls and non-misogynistic boys.

[Dr. Confused]

You might want to check out the Only Hearts Club dolls. Similar size, dressable, poseable, but child characters, and more realistic looks.

http://www.onlyheartsclub.com/

[pnuts mama]

add me to the list of girls who played with (lots) of barbies, had a barbie car (a corvette convertible!) and house etc.- my mom sewed and crocheted tons of clothes for them and they sit in a box in the attic for when pnut is old enough to play with. b/c i agree with the pps, kids get the most inner dialogue/info from their parents/families they live with- so if you say "barbies are fun to play pretend with" and maybe don't make such a big deal over the wonky body shape (because at this age, to be honest, so much of what they play with is oddly proportioned or fantasy, and that probably doesn't seem strange to them) then just follow up and be vigilant as she grows to reinforce healthy body type (hopefully from all members of the family) then my best guess is that she will be ok. and this is coming from someone who is finely tuned to feminist issues- in our home and in our world.

also? three was about the age when i realized that outside influences (peers, mostly) were coming at pnut fast and strong "so and so has a dora ___!" "so and so has a cinderella ___" and usually i could just comment in agreement ("wow! look at that!")- but by now (just four) we are in the "so and so has ____ and i want it too!" which gets trickier to navigate. i believe that kids shouldn't stick out like chum in the school of sharks (i was chum- for years and years, and that is what ruined my self-image, never a doll -if anything, pretend play got me out of my sad reality) *but* i also am not going to buy every single thing b/c another kid also has it- so we talk about it- is she being made fun of b/c she has something different? does she already have a different version of it? what do the other kids have? like every other part of parenting, it's that fine line of compromise. good luck!

[pnuts mama]

p.s.- i apologize for all those parens!

also- hedra reminded me- we solved our own fireworks 'problem'- both kids passed.out. on the way to the small town show we drove to- so my husband and i did what we usually do- watched them from the car as we drove along looking for more!

[LJP]

If it hasn't already been mentioned, I'd suggest Groovy Girls as an alternative to Barbies. They still have fun outfits (some a little smaller than others), but usually not the high heels, etc. They have fun hair and a girl-ish face. A little better? My niece loves them (4 yrs).

As an aside, do they still make Jem dolls? Man, I loved those things...

[Alma]

My 4 yo daughter has two barbies, which seem to me to be enough. he also has a groovy girl (with which she almost never plays). My approach is to expose her to real women's bodies and send my own messages about why I love my body. So we change in the public dressing rooms for the pool and see all kinds of body shapes and ages. My daughter sees me get dressed. I explain why my underarms have stubble and hers don't when she asks (and I add in that there are cultures in which the tradition is not to shave - I leave aesthetics out of it). When I exercise it's to keep my muscles strong, not for weight loss or to look a certain way. She knows the difference between healthy, help you grow and stay strong food and nutritionally void sweets - and we just talked yesterday about even those sweets being helpful since it gives us a chance to learn moderation. As for the 2 barbies, they work and drive around and got visit the other toys, and I occasionally point out how silly they look standing on their tiptoes and wearing clothes that stay stay fastened when Barbie tries to sit.
She's only 4, but I think so far anyway, she gets real and normal vs toy and stylized.

[MLB]

I too support the effort against Barbies. That being said, I had them, as well as lots and lots of paraphenalia and it never dawned on me that was how I was "supposed" to look. And my 5 year old wanted Barbies so I bought her a couple and she barely plays with them. I think that, for me at least, I viewed it the same way I viewed sugary cereal/junk food - moderation and if you make something forbidden, you automatically make it more attractive, at least to some kids. I think this is just an area where different parenting styles play out. I will chime in that I think with older kids it's completely appropriate to discuss body images and those issues, but for a 32 month old I wouldn't go there. She's not going to think of that without external prompting and if she does raise "wanting to be pretty like Barbie" then you can have the discussion.

On a personal note, the Barbies didn't bother me as much as the princess phase did - although I caved to that too in part. No idea why I found the princesses so nauseating, except maybe because it seemed so especially evil to heavily market towards very little kids. Princesses seem to hit earlier and barbies later and by 5 a child has more of an ability to judge for herself what she really wants. Or maybe that's just my rationalization - either way I truly hate the princesses.

[AmyinMotown]

I agree with what everybody else says: I had Barbies, I played with them, and while my daughter (four and a half) loves the Disney princesses (SWEAR I didn't introduce them to her, we were at a b-day party of a girl who is a year and a half older who she hero-worships and it was princess central) she's not too interested in Barbie yet. (Jennifer, thanks for the Mermaidia reccomendation--she's always wanting to watch Barbie and princess movies and I really don't like the messages in so many of them!!)

Basically, I think cultural expectations as a whole and other kids are going to be way harder on her body image and self esteem than Barbie, as are the attitudes of you and your partner if you have one (especially if it's a male). About the only negative thing I got from Barbie was a brunette inferiority complex, and a lot of that had to do with growing up in the Charlie's Angel 70s. So search out then ones thast look like her, keep modeling your feminist messages, and she'll be fine.

[sueinithaca]

At list point, I'd be thrilled if my almost-5-year old girl showed any interest in any doll, Barbie or not. Every time she's given a doll (generally baby dolls) she strips them naked and puts the clothes on her stuffed duck. She's even played me by asking sweetly for a doll (hooray!) only to immediately throw it under the couch and use its car seat as a throne for "princess duck." I.am.so.sick.of.ducks. She could ask for stripper Barbie and I'd probably give it to her at this point.

Ahem. That said, I clearly don't have this problem. However, I have a good friend who does. She rolls with it (limited Barbie dolls + a few Barbie books to read) while modeling positive body image/dress/behavior in real life. For example, pulling her out of the dance school with the mean girls and too-sexy dance numbers (for middle-schoolers, not 5 year olds, but still). And by being a successful attorney (with a healthy boy image) whose husband took her name.

I've had a few existential crises about girly things - when this friend and her daughter invited mine to get a pedicure. I finally agreed, because my friend herself is clearly a strong female role model, and not everyone who gets pedicures is some airheaded valley-girl (prejudice alert!) but wouldn't you know, my daughter was TERRIFIED of the nail salon (who wouldn' t be?) (we still painted her nails clear and sparkly for the recital. before pulling her out of that school as well).

So, I guess I'm saying that, if you don't want barbie's in your house, then don't have them. BUT that barbie might not be the battle to pick if you have enough real-life models/other dolls/etc so that barbie is a very small part of the picture.

[caramama]

I'm totally a feminist and will go off on feminist rants when I deem necessary (my kids are going to love those when they are old enough to hear them). But I'm like the coworkers that hedra described--I work in IT and am a total geek, yet I love high heels and getting my nails done. And I'm one of the few women I know who doesn't have body issues.

I'm also one of the girls who LOVED Barbies even more than I loved climbing trees. My dad used to joke that my sister and I had Barbietown, which became Barbie County, which became Barbie Country. All I wanted was Barbies and Barbies for every present. Heck, I still have some collectible Barbies I've gotten as an adult.

I don't think I ever really noticed Barbie's body until I was a teen or in college. I loved her clothes and hair. But I generally preferred non-blonds (I've got brown hair) and non-blue eyes (I've got hazel eyes). Currently, I can't stand the new face plates they use for the modern barbies because the eyes and other features look so distorted to me, but what are ya gonna do.

So I'm with the others who've pointed out that having and liking Barbies does not turn one into a mindless bimbo-wanna-be with body issues. I consider the Bratz dolls to be in really bad taste... but Barbie in a pretty dress? I look forward to getting to buy more if my daughter ever gets interested in dolls in more than a cursory way.

[AmyM]

My 5th/6th grade teacher, always in search of ways to get me to slow down and not just get math "over with", suggested that I try to figure out what Barbie's measurements would be. I tried all sorts of porportions and of course, no matter what I tried, her measurements were ridiculous. It was a great math lesson and the source of much hilarity among my classmates. Most importantly, it was a great reality check. All that said, I had one Barbie that I bought with my own money. My parents wouldn't buy one, but my mom did sew clothes for it. I would say that between Barbie and my mom's constant dieting and moaning about her weight, the latter was far more influential.

[Melissa]

I had Barbies and loved them, and have some collectible Barbies even now. My daughter got into Barbies via the princesses (which I didn't like either), but I just decided to go with it. I do point out how Barbie doesn't look like a real person and how uncomfortable her shoes would be in real life, for whatever that's worth. My daughter regularly sees me naked and sees me exercising and taking care of my body, and I have to believe that's worth more than whatever Barbie has to offer.

[AmyinTexas]

Wow, you people are up and commenting early!

Had Barbies myself, had/have your run of the mill body image issues. I don't think it was the Barbies as much as basic American media attitudes of what a woman should look like.

On to my own 7yo daughter. I told her she could play with Barbies when she turned 6. We did buy her Disney princess Barbies b/c I felt like that was more about the princesses than the fashion/body aspect of Barbie (Princesses is a whole other post!), but we did not buy clothes for them, etc. We banned Bratz dolls completely. For life. When we see them she'll say mournfully, "I can't have those, can I?" Nope. Too sassy. She gets it.

Somewhere on the way to 6 she lost interest. She did get a dog walking Barbie for her 6th birthday, but she wanted it for the dogs, not the Barbie. She's an animal fanatic.

I guess my point is, stick to your guns. If you want to draw the line at Barbie, do it. Sure, she'll whine about it, but she's going to whine about a lot of rules; you might as well start with an easy one.

[SarcastiCarrie]

I guess this is really more about gender issues, expectations, and self-esteem than Barbies.
I never thought much about Barbie's body (except for its lack of anatomical correctness...and in fact, I drew hair "down there" on Barbie). But, I'm a tall, white, blonde, blue-eyed woman. I'm also an engineer who kept her own name, earns money, can do auto repair, and could kill my own bugs...if I had to do so.
I don't have a daughter, but I have tried to get my older son to play with some of my dolls. He shows a cursory interest followed by lots of truck play and leaves naked dolls strewn across the living room in his wake. He is interested in the paint I put on my toenails so I told him he could have it the next time I paint them (only every other month because of this awesome L'Oreal nail polish which stays until the nail grows so long you have to re-do it).

Some of my fondest play-oriented memories as a child were making Barbie's clothes (out of tin foil, toilet paper (for the long wedding dress veil/train), paper towels, old t-shirts, leaves, and string). My Barbie had the dream house, the convertible corvette, the airplane, the camper, and a horse. Back in my day, Barbie was the stewardess on the plane, but nowadays, she can be the pilot. Or a veterinarian. Or a mom. Or a doctor. Or an IT specialist in charge of database architecture, I guess, if they made a costume for that....khaki pants, a blue shirt, and loafers with a laptop, maybe. And maybe a feather boa, because I know I'd look a lot better at work with a hot pink sparkly feather boa. And I'd probably feel better too.

So, I don't see Barbie as evil. She's just another toy in the bin. And she could be an astronaut (now Bratz dolls...).

[Jill in Atlanta]

My boys started getting Rescue Heros as gifts when they were about three. I looked at the dvd that came along with one and hid it, but allowed the toys. They are huge, strong men, mostly firefighters and police and other "good guys" but they are hardly human in shape. I guess I'd worry more for girls, but I think we've giggled about their big feet, hands and shoulders enough that I'm sure they don't think the shape is real.

I had a mom who kept talking me out of Barbies for the same feminist reason as the writer, and it did me no harm. I'd do the same for a daughter I think.

[Leta]

I've been anti-Barbie for awhile (and don't even get me started on the Bratz dolls). We have a lot of the Strawberry Shortcake dolls and Kelly dolls (Barbie's little sister). My 5 year old does have a couple of Barbies that she has been given as gifts but I won't be buying her any. My mother-in-law has a ton at her house, so I tell my daughter if she wants to play Barbies she can go to grandma's. This has worked for us so far, but she's not overly into the princess type stuff.

[ML]

As I'm currently pregnant with a girl (and due in a couple of weeks), I'll be following this thread carefully. I played with Barbies as a kid, but they were more like dress shapes to me--my mother is a seamstress and I used to take scrap fabric and make evening dresses for my dolls. It annoyed me that Barbie's feet were always in that high-heeled position (what if she wanted to wear flats? Or tennis shoes?) but it also didn't occur to me that Barbie's body was what all women's bodies were supposed to look like--after all, I didn't see anyone who looked like Barbie, since I grew up in very ethnic areas and am Chinese-ethnic myself. (Admittedly, I used to desire blonde hair, but that may have been another issue, probably about the very WASP-y looking models used in Sears stores in the mid-to late-1970's).

I spent way more time riding my bike, catching snails, reading books, watching T.V., and getting sunburned at public parks than playing with Barbies in my youth.

[MrsHaley]

@LJP - Jem! Truly outrageous!

@SarcastiCarrie - Nail polish name, please.

I also had, and loved, Barbies as a child, purchased by my indulgent grandfather who disregarded my feminist mother's objections. I did not understand her objections then, but I do now. If DD gets Barbies as gifts, or whatever, I will probably not make a deal about it, but I will not be spending our money on them. We have avoided Disney Princesses so far (2.5 y/o) and I plan to insulate from that as long as posisble, as well. It's not a hill I'm going to die on, but when it comes to preventing bady dysmorphia and misogyny (sp?) in both DD and DS, every little bit helps.

Also, somewhat o/t, I'm going to put in a plug for us SAHMs who aren't earning a regular paycheck as being excellent role models for both sons and daughters, as well. It's the basic lesson that an intelligent, highly-educated (or not) woman can be well-stimulated and successful while pursuing the occupation through which she is the most fulfilled, paid or not.

[mom2boys]

I never played with Barbies, didn't care for the plastic type dolls, preferred books and horses and I grew up to have an eating disorder and pretty bad body image issues. I was never abused or molested - no idea where the body stuff came from just saying it isn't always about the toys you play with as a child.

[Charisse]

I 4th the suggestion of Groovy Girls--their outfits are really cool without being overtly sexy and they have cute, kid-style bodies that you can hug. Mouse loves them. That being said, with a 5-year-old girl barbies are fairly unavoidable. It worked out really well for us that there is a bin of old ones that the kids can make clothes for at school, and a friend gave Mouse a barbie she'd had for years (a Disney Princess barbie, a 2-fer!). So they're there, but they aren't the shiniest toys in the box. Mouse loooooves dress up, high heels, and princesses, but she also loves cars, math, and adventure stories so I don't worry about it too much.

I do keep her away from the barbie videos (for that matter the princess videos too except the original movies) and accessories--it's just too constrained a world and I'd rather have her imagine across a wider landscape.

[Joy]

Ok, first I want to say that I laughed out loud so much about the 'body dysmorphia and f-ing soap' thing that my kids who were outside playing in the sprinkler came in to see what I could possibly be laughing so hard about. So thanks for that.

Secondly, for me, the whole Barbie= body issues thing holds no water. I played with and loved my Barbies as a kid and if they influenced me in any way it was that it enhanced my make- believe play to include whole new glamourous worlds I could never have previously imagined.

What had the biggest negative impact on me and my body image and healthy sense of self was my mother's own issues with her body.

So, yeah, if you have issues with your body not measuring up to Barbie's, then your daughter will probably pick up on that. If she comes to you with questions, answer them, but let her have her wonderment if that's where she finds it.

For what it's worth.

[Cloud]

Didn't Barbie get a toning down recently to be less ridiculously proportioned?

Like many here, I understand the OP's reaction. I know my Mom had a similar one... but I loved my Barbies and had heaps. However, I also loved my Lego, particularly the spaceship set I had. Pumpkin is only 2, so we haven't had to deal with this yet, but the (tentative) plan is to just roll with it and get her what she wants while trying to model good body image (from me) and respect for women (from Hubby). Except I'm going to try to avoid the Disney princesses as long as I can... I live in SoCal and I hear that Disneyland has turned extracting money from the parents of Princess-obsessed little girls into an art form. A colleague recently paid something like $75/person to have lunch with the princesses for his daughter's birthday. ACK!

I think the fashion magazines I used to read where more responsible for any body image issues I have than the Barbies were. Barbies were dolls. The fashion models purported to be real women. Once I realized how bad those magazines made me feel, I stopped reading them, but that wasn't until after grad school.

And, for what its worth, I grew up to be a scientist working with computers. I'd probably fall somewhere in the middle on the "girly" scale: I have long hair and wear makeup, but I've had exactly one manicure and pedicure- for my wedding. And I'm definitely a feminist.

So, @Nora- do what your gut tells you to do about the Barbies, but I'd say not to worry too much about it one way or the other. I think the rest of your parenting will matter more than this one decision in terms of determining your daughter's self image.

[koshercow]

I have a daughter under 1 year. Can I just say I had NO IDEA I was supposed to think about this stuff. Maybe it's the sleep deprivation and the constant fog. How do you gals have the head space for all this. Much kudos to you all. I am learning so much from these posts but at the same time feeling so - lacking - and thoughtless. Maybe by the time my daughter is 2 or 3 my brain will work better and allow me some of these Deep Thoughts.

FWIW I wasn't allowed barbie and I have no idea why. My brother had GI Joes etc and all kinds of army type figurines. I did have tons of other dolls so it wasn't dolls per se. My mom was no feminist either. I am with the posters who say a doll is a doll (except for the bratz kind!)

[CG]

Right, @MrsHaley, certainly true that a SAHM can be a great role model for her kids. I think the important thing is that our kids see us in control of our lives, making our own choices, being competent at what we do, and being treated with respect by our partners. Those things need not have anything to do with where we work or whether or not we get paid for what we do.

As for barbies...oy. I think in general they're probably harmless, but in my own experience they tend to lend themselves to some more explicit play than other, less anatomically exaggerated dolls do. I don't know if what we used to do with them was normal (and other people don't admit it) or if we were little deviants, but I'm just putting it out there that on some level, Barbies are really about sex. Although, I'm sure if we hadn't had barbies we would have figured out some other means of exploration.

[maria]

Whew, haven't read all the comments yet, but I thought I'd pitch in with a suggestion I read somewhere or other. Personally I don't buy Barbies or their ilk, and I would try not to allow them in my house if it came up. Thankfully it hasn't. If it did and I were forced to cave, which I might, here's what I'd say:

"Oh goodness, that poor girl looks so hungry, why don't you make her a nice meal on your stove? Heavens, how on earth can she stand up? Her body looks so funny!" blahdy blahdy blah, etc. etc.

As Moxie said, every little message is important, and I believe strongly that Barbies and Disney princesses and Bratz and all those types of images encourage huge body image problems in girls, premature interest in sexuality, unrealistic ideas about the female form on the part of boys and men, materialism, and on and on. I must disagree strongly with those who don't think they do any harm.

My daughter loves pink, princesses, frilliness, sparkliness and all that, and I don't discourage those urges in her. So it's not that I'm some anti-girly-girl feminazi. I am appalled by marketing to little kids and by encouraging early awareness of appearance and sexuality.

Sorry guys.

[sarah]

A good friend of mine refused to ever buy her daughter a barbie. Then she celebrated her 4th year birthday and every. single. friend (23 in total) brought a barbie as their gift, because she wanted them SO badly after being denied by her mother. It was kind of funny.

Myself, I had barbies and self-image problems and I really don't blame barbie. I think my most important influence was my mother (self-loathing chronic dieter) and the media. Barbie was just a stupid doll and so far from realistic that I never even considered comparing myself to her. Point being, I would be much more careful about how we behave as mothers, the magazines we allow in the house and the TV we watch, than dolls.

[mom2boys]

Oh and my son, younger, loves the color pink. It was the fist color name he said. We have lots of pink toys but the other day he wanted a small pink bat with some sort of disney princess on it. I got him the red one with Disney Cars movie on it instead. He seems fine with that choice - he just wants something to bang but I think it says more about me that I made the switch.

[sarah]

from reading the comments so far, isn't it sad how many of us grew up to have body image issues and/or eating disorders?

[flea]

My almost-6 has one Barbie, bought by her grandmother. I can report that current Barbie is not exactly like my childhood vintage Barbie (I'm 36) - she has a thicker waist, smaller breasts, and actual feet (I was sort of shocked by this last). She still wears loads of eye makeup and has ridiculous hair (especially since the one in my house is black Barbie - she's got a good Beyonce weave I guess). Barbie recently got a full-body cast made of scotch-tape and toothpicks.

I see Barbie as a symptom of the ills of mass culture, not a cause. I'm not a big fan, but then neither is my kid, so I'm not sweating it. Alternatives for dolls that aren't baby dolls: American Girl ($$, but they make mini versions), Groovy Girls, Breyer horse-rider dolls. There used to be great Madeline plastic dolls but they seem to have discontinued them.

[Jen]

I grew up with Barbie and never once thought her body was realistic. I just thought it was fun to dress her, do her hair, drive her around in her camper, etc. I would have no problem giving a barbie to my daughter to play with. I looked to the strong women in my life for guidance and reassurance.

I definitely felt more pressure from my peers and any body images I have/had were from comparing myself to them, not to a little plastic doll. Although I did envy her clothes! :)

[lucy]

My 7 year old daughter has never really been that into plastic dolls, although she was given a Barbie around 4 years old and we discussed how "crazy" her body looked - she's played with it on and off over the years. No Bratz dolls allowed though - black plastic diapers and baby bottles as bling... WTF!

I have heard, though I don't know what they will look like or what company is making them, that a new doll called 'Moxie Girlz' is about to be realised. Now, wouldn't it be just perfect if they are positive doll/role models...

[SarcastiCarrie]

Mrs Haley...good point about the SAHMs as good role models. My two favorite cosmetics (for when I give in to the patrimony):

* Max Factor Lipfinity lip color. It lasts 24 hours. It rocks the house. You have to remove it with make up remover, but no need to reapply at all. So, if you're out on the town and only want to bring a small clutch, you can leave your lipstick at home to make more room for your transit card and house keys. Also, if you don't like the colors available, pick something neutral and smear it over your regular lipstick. It will lock your regular lipstick into place all day. Some people don't like it because it's not creamy (maybe even a little dry feeling). It comes with a glosser you can put over the top, but I use it without.

* L'oreal Color Stay Nail color. It lasts 3 weeks on fingers unless you are like me and pick and peel at it. On toe nails, it will last until your nails grow out. It is difficult to remove with polish remover, but so worth it.

[lucee]

I was not allowed Barbie, I grew up in Australia and my mother who is English, wasn't so concerned about body image she just thought Barbie looked like a hussy and dressed cheap. So I had Sindy. Not sure if she is still available, though perhaps you can get her second hand. Sindy's boobs are a little less pointy and her waist is definitely thicker She also has a fuller face and its an equal ratio of redheads and brunettes to blondes. She also has, compared to Barbie, a more modest taste in clothes.
I never really had a body image issue, but I'm not sure if its Barbie's absence in my life. I just know that it didn't bother me so much not having one, but these days marketing to children is so persuasive and ubiquitous.When I hear about 9 year old girls wanting to go on diets though, I kind of wonder if its Barbie, or a lot more?
My mum was a great role model for me; she ate well, healthily, she never quipped about my weight or my looks. I also didn't watch much TV, so that might have helped as well. All I know is that the onus is also on me as the mother of a boy, to help him grow up to appreciate women and girls for their personalities, humour, brains and ideas.

[Trish]

I don't think that Barbies specifically have as much influence on girls' body image as the media in general does. I was as a child/am as an adult much more affected by what I see on TV, in movies, in magazines, etc. I don't trace any of my current body issues back to the fact that I played with Barbies as a child, but I do see a direct link to those issues and the continual and constant onslaught of the message that celebrity/model-beauty is an attainable and much desired goal for all women that comes at me on a daily basis. I do not remember thinking much about Barbie's body one way or the other. She was just one of many dolls of all different types that I liked to play with. That said, if my daughter never asks for me to buy her one, I would be a very happy mother!

[maria]

I have to say, of course Barbie is not singlehandedly responsible for bad body image, sexism, materialism, etc. etc. But it's a prominent example of the kind of images and marketing aimed at young, young children that adds up to an unhealthy whole. Including people's mothers sniping about their kids' weight, putting kids on diets, etc.

You can only control what you can control. For me, that comes down to, I can't control the billboards on the highway, or the magazine covers in the supermarket checkout, or any number of images and messages that come at us, but I can control whether Barbie (and her ilk) and television come into my house, and how I present them to my daughter when the topic arises.

[Rbelle]

My sisters had knock-off Barbie-type dolls when I was a kid and while they were proportioned slightly differently, they probably sent even less feminist messages than Barbie - they came as a family, with a little baby, a barn, and a bunch of animals. (I actually loved that set because the barn was like an awesome doll house, but I digress.) When I was a little older (middle school, maybe?), I found a similar set of dolls - mom, dad, twin boy and girl - and all their accessories were child-related. A bathtub for the kids, cribs, strollers, a little horse-drawn buggy.

I guess my point is that while Barbie certainly doesn't present a realistic body image for girls (and I'm with the posters who didn't particularly notice and/or care about doll shapes - peers did much more damage to me, though I'm pretty good with how I view my body these days), I think she's actually far more feminist in some ways than other, more "domestic" dolls. Barbie was a doctor, a business woman, an astronaut, a vet, a teacher, a ballerina, an artist, and yes, a swimsuit model. Barbie could be a bride, but Ken was never marketed as her husband, nor do I recall ever being able to buy Barefoot and Pregnant Barbie, or Serves Ken Dinner and a Beer Every Day After Work Barbie. She had her own car, her own house, and obviously made enough money for a killer wardrobe.

I'm not saying the pinkification of the toy aisles and the crazy princess mania don't worry me, especially as Barbie becomes more and more marketed in a similar direction (Barbie AS Disney Princesses, for example). If you have a real issue with her, sure, look for alternatives. But as far as dress-up dolls go, Barbie has encompassed a lot of different types of women - just not physically.

[Becky]

Barbie girl over here. I played with them until I was probably 12 (I know, I know. I was a late bloomer and I lived overseas at the time, what can I say?). Barbie has had absolutely no impact on my self-worth. Like another commenter (sorry, I didn't read them all), she was a way for me to play dress-up and "enter the land of make believe" (I just threw up in my mouth a little - did I really just say that??). My daughter is just a year old, but if and when she wants Barbies, I'm all for it. She will know that Barbie is a toy, and that is all. End of story.

I do find it intriguing that so many people are anti-Barbie. I get the feeling I won't be so popular on the playground in the coming years. (*shrugs*) Oh well. Another life lesson for my daughter, that everyone likes different things! :)

[Dawn]

We don't have any Barbies (except for one Disney Princess one, but it mostly gets thrown in a heap with the other dolls), but my 5 year old hasn't been terribly interested in dolls. She loves characters and has plush versions of those (Woody from Toy Story and Leo from Little Einsteins are her favorites). It will be interesting to see what happens with my 19 month old, who already loves baby dolls.

I played with Barbies a lot when I was a kid, and I don't think I was too affected by them. The Barbies were so obviously not the shape of real women (and I'm sure my mother commented about that to us). My sister and I were undoubtedly more influenced by our mother dieting and so on.

It's interesting how many people don't like the Princesses. I see them as being pretty harmless, but again, I think my older daughter enjoys dressing up but doesn't see them as role models. At Disney, given the option, she was much more interested in seeing the fairies (who each have a particular job) than the princesses (who don't).

[Rebecca]

I have nothing useful to say about Barbies.

But...

My son (currently 2 1/2) is currently OBSESSED with Disney Princesses, and I feel so much better knowing that he is not the only boy who loves them. Thank you, Moxie, for letting us know that your son loved Ariel. (Mine seems to prefer Cinderella, but he really likes them all.)

[AmyinMotown]

@maria, I have to take issue with this:"How can she stand up? Her body looks so funny!" It's not modeling a healthy body image to make fun of any body type, for any reason. I'm short, heavy and have big boobs and several of my best friends were really skinny as a teen, and both ways were pretty hellish because people are brought up to believe commenting on that is OK. Saying something like that is still reinforcing the idea that there is a perfect body and if you don't have that, you deserve to have it remarked upon.

[MemeGRL]

@ Rebecca: if it becomes useful to you later: very good friends of ours (and excellent parents) had a boy who desperately wanted Disney Princess underpants when he potty trained. And that good mom took him to whatever big box store had the biggest display of underwear in their area and exclaimed in dismay, "Oh, honey! They are out of Disney Princess underpants in your size! I'm so sorry. What else would you like?" And he cheerfully picked something Disney considered boyish enough for him, and a Princesses coloring book, and went home. I have never loved my friend more than I did in that moment.

[Cloud]

@Dawn, my main beef with the Disney princesses is how agressively they are marketed as THE thing to little girls and how many things there are to buy related to them. Also, a lot of the older ones play into a "the prince will come and rescue me" sort of story that I'm not to thrilled about.

@Maria, I'm with you on being concerned about the sexualization of young girls. I don't look forward to dealing with this AT ALL. I'm sort of hoping the Bratz dolls will go away before they become an issue for us. Didn't Mattel sue the maker and win?

@MrsHaley- I suspect you are an absolutely awesome role model to your kids, because you seem to genuinely like what you have chosen to do and are comfortable with your decisions. THAT is what I want to model to my kids, because I think that is what makes for a happy life.