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Comments

Rachel

I'm not sure I agree, based on my own experience as a child. I sucked my thumb till a truly embarrassing age (not all the time, though I can't remember what I did at 3). For a long time I had a raw little groove (kind of a cut, really) in my right thumb from biting down while I sucked. I'm sure it looked painful, but it never really hurt. And believe it or not, I never needed braces--had perfect teeth. I know that is probably the exception to the rule...

My mom never tried to get me to stop, and I gradually tapered off as I got older and worried my friends would find out. But I don't really know of anybody who successfully got their child to quit thumbsucking. It seems like it's such a visceral, personal thing for kids. Maybe you could try to get her to do it only in bed, for nighttime and naps? Not sure how you would do that...ideally some positive reinforcement, or maybe you could make up a game or a superhero alter ego for her who doesn't thumbsuck, or something like that?

paola

My 4.5 year old will. not. give. up. sucking his left arm for love or money. Personally I think it would be impossible to reason with a 3 year old, going on what my boy was like at 3. Adressing the thumb sucking 'as a safety issue' has not worked in our case and neither have bribes/rewards. And he certainly has sucked to the point of hurting himself on many occassions. The child is just not ready. The only thing we have had some success with is trying to convince him to suck at certain moments when he really needs it. My son tends to suck his arm when he he is tired, or to put himslef to sleep. At kindergarten we have supplied him with a favourite bear to cuddle so he can get off to sleep faster, otherwise he spends half an hour sucking his poor arm, leaving it bruised and raw and obviously painfall.

p.s His ped is the last person concerned about his sucking. She says he'll give it up when he is good and ready.

textureamy

I'll be watching comments today because my FIVE year old just started sucking her thumb about a month ago - out of nowhere, same as the OP's daughter. I, too, think she saw it at preschool, and I'm waiting it out to see if it is just a phase that will end after school lets out this week.

flea

I sucked my thumb until I was 13. While I had braces. Through the icky painted on stuff. I dunno, nothing got me to stop until I decided to stop (only New Year's resolution I've ever seriously kept!)

The only practical idea I have is transferrance - getting her onto a paci could save her thumbs and also help with the teeth issue.

Cassie

I am going to sound perverse here, but I *wish* my son (now 2.5) would start sucking his thumb. He has never wanted anything to suck other than me (he still b-feeds at bedtime) and sometimes I would really, really like him to have an alternative that doesn't involve my nipples. I sucked my thumb until I was, hmm, maybe 11? and I can remember what a serious boon is was for the sensitive kid that I was (still am, really): it was portable, it was always there, it was pretty easy to get clean if it got dirty (unlike my security blanket, which had to go in the washing machine, much to my dismay), and most importantly, it really, really comforted me. For what it's worth, I did often have a mark on my thumb from my teeth, but that never caused any problems (if the skin is broken you probably need to keep an eye out for infection), and I did have to have braces, but *not* (the dentist and orthodontist assured my parents) because of the thumb sucking (my father has classic "British teeth" -- all over the place -- and I inherited them big time). If I remember correctly, the link between thumb-sucking and teeth problems is tentative rather than conclusive.

I guess what I'm saying is, as an adult who was a thumb sucker, I look back and am very grateful to my parents for not making any sort of a big deal about it (never, not once, did they suggest that I stop). I clearly needed the comfort, they recognised that, and that was the end of it. I'm not saying that the OP is wrong to be concerned -- picking up thumb sucking at a later age is possibly more rare (anyone have the stats on that? I'd be curious to know), so it does make you wonder what is up -- just that thumb sucking is not inherently a Bad Thing that must be stopped, unless it is causing serious physical harm to the child. For me it was definitely a Good Thing.

caramama

I wasn't going to comment because I have no real insight into this issue (then why am I commenting?)... But when I read something Moxie said, I thought I'd support the idea.

Moxie said "figuring out (together)" and this reminded me of the How to Talk So Kids Will Listen book. In that, they suggest talking with your child about a problem and trying to come up with all the possible solutions together. They could be completely absurd (like she might suggest she get ice cream instead of sucking her thumb every time she wants to suck it), but write them all down. Then go back through the list and decide together which to try. I'm thinking a 3 year old would be ready cognitively to understand that this is a problem (once you explain why) and work together to come up with something. Also, a 3 year old might be really thrilled that they are part of the problem solving!

Anyway, that just hit me and I thought I'd back up that suggestion and mention the idea from the book. Good luck!

MamaBirdNYC

For what it's worth, I was never a thumb-sucker, but I chewed my pinkie finger. Make that present tense: I still do. I do it when I am concentrating hard, and it always has a callous on it. When I am in the midst of a particularly intense project, the skin often cracks and splits from being in my mouth so much. I am totally unaware of it most of the time. And I'm as well-adjusted as anyone else, so... maybe it's okay. Good luck, whatever you decide!

Sarah V

I have no insight into whether or not thumb sucking is a problem but I am a peds nurse and hence have tons of experience preventing small children from doing things such as pulling in IV's, tubes, etc.

My daughter is 10 months old and a die-hard paci sucker (sometimes she sleeps with one in her mouth and one in each hand) which I am fine with, but I can see why if she started sucking a paci at 3 years old I would be frustrated.

We have a product called "no-no's" that are sort like a stiff plastic sleeve with a soft liner that keeps a kids arm straight. If the parents want the kid to stop thumb sucking what about trying a "no-no" so the kid can't reach his thumb?

I would think stopping the behavior while addressing the underlying reason- maybe anxiety over switching daycares as Moxie said- would be a kind way to handle things.

When my sister was trying to get her kids (at age 4) off of the paci she would let them such the paci only in their bedrooms. Then she would try to make whatever was going on in the main area of the house really interesting (play-doh, painting, hide-and seek, etc) so the kid would have to choose between sucking her paci alone in her room and doing a fun activity with the rest of the family. Sometimes she would choose to be in her room with her paci, and sometimes not. Eventually her desire to be with everyone doing something fun would win. I suppose this method is teaching kids to distact themselves as a coping mechanism, which is an important skill.

Good luck!


Jan

My just-turned-5 year old has some habits that are clearly comforting that I'd really like to stop, for what I hope are obvious reasons.

She chews her nails. Until they bleed and she's crying from the pain of it. And not just the fingernails, either -- she does this with her TOEnails. Which has just got to be the dirtiest thing ever, especially in the summertime with all the barefoot-running.

She agrees that it needs to stop, but seems helpless to do it.

On my ever-burgeoning list of Things To Do is to get and try something like this:
http://www.specialkidszone.com/Product_Level3.asp?ProductID=1299
as a substitute (a la Moxie's kid's wooden stick as a substitute bite-recipient). Maybe something like that would work?

Any other suggestions for my toenail-chewing child (aside, please, from 'if you ignore it, it'll go away', which is the thing that got me into this position in the first place, as that's what everybody told me when she started doing it over 4 years ago) gratefully accepted!

thebigmeow

i sucked my thumb well into primary school (till i was 10 or 11) and whilst it didn't affect my teeth it did upset my jaw - i was pulling my top jaw forward with the sucking and creating an overbite.

the dentist had to put in a plate with 'fangs' so that when i tried to suck my thumb the fangs would did in and it would hurt. i still remember sucking my thumb though. maybe i just didn't suck as hard? the thing that really annoyed me was i had to brush my teeth after every meal and i remember kids teasing me about it.

in the end i did stop, and my jaw is pretty much fine. i don't remember having the plate in for very long.

Anonymous

@textureamy & OP: My five year old did the same thing. Rejected the pacifier at age 9 months and never looked back...until his 3.5 year old cousin joined his mixed-age preschool class. Cousin was thumb-sucking in the womb (which we saw on ultrasounds) and going strong in school. We sometimes talk about letting cousin be cousin and you be you. And other times I do the un-PC thing of gently knocking his thumb out of his mouth.
For his *own* habits (nail biting, for example) I am gentler. But undesirable habits that are merely miming other kids, I have less patience. But he's not doing it enough to make a ridge or anything. For him, the "you aren't your cousin" thing with the physical reminders works. Good luck! (PS--my guy is a total kinesthetic learner anyway, which is one of the reasons I just remove the thumb. He needs to learn things via physical methods as much as possible, and always has, whether it's help with toothbrushing or addition, and this seems to be no different.)

Diane

We've had some success with getting my almost-3yo thumb-sucker to do it only in the house. We all caught a nasty stomach bug a few months ago, probably nothing to do with her thumb-sucking, but I put my foot down anyway. We talked to her about it, and she's usually very good about it. She'll sneak it every now and then in the car on the way back from the store, but in general, she knows we only do our thumb after we've come in the house and had our hands washed.

Another data point as far as the thumb looking nasty issues. I can remember my little brother having a huge welt on his thumb when we were little. He said it never hurt, and my mom made sure to keep his hands clean so it wouldn't get infected or anything. She never implored him to stop ... he just did, eventually. Or maybe he still does and hides it really well. ;) (His teeth are super straight, by the way, no braces or anything.)

I would try to curb it some, but I really think going to extremes, at this point, is probably unnecessary. If she was that easily influenced by other kids to suck her thumb, she'll probably be easily influenced to give it up once she realizes the other kids DON'T do it anymore, you know?

Julie

No help, but commiseration for sure. I sucked my thumb until I was about 12. Had to have braces, but not sure that was related to the thumb sucking.

Our 3.5 y/o son has a paci that he loves loves loves. My husband is always saying things like "Pretty soon we're going to take the paci away..." and while I agree that it's going to be something we enforce with a little more firmness than we do now (new baby at home) I also am in the camp that he'll give it up when he's ready to give it up. It brings him a large amount of comfort, it's independent of US, and he's mostly willing to plop it back into his bed after "getting some good sucks" when he needs it.

What I notice most is that the harder my husband pushes about this, the more firmly our son resists it. He's been known to have a paci in his mouth and the minute he hears my husband's voice, will clamp his hands over his mouth to hide the paci from him. So instead of encouraging him or giving him space to use it as needed, my husband has set up a power struggle between the two of them that also invites a heavy dose of 3-year-old sneakiness into the mix. Which can lead to all kinds of problems, in my opinion.

I think the best approach is to continue to not make a big deal about it. To say "Oh, get some good sucks and then put it away so we can keep playing". Acknowledge its use, but diminish its power. I think Hedra said something once like "wherever you put most of your energy enforcing, they will naturally put most of their effort resisting" or something like that, and I'm definitely watching that unfold at our house between my son and husband. So roll with it as best you can and keep conversations about it neutral as best you can.

Katy

My niece sucked two of her fingers for a long time. Her parents tried to get her to stop, reminded her often, etc, but it was such an unconscious habit that she usually didn't even realize she was doing it. Her grandfather is a dentist, and their solution (can't remember at what age - 4 maybe?) was for her to get "braces," as she called them. What it really was was a little metal piece that they installed behind her teeth that prevented her from getting suction when she tried to suck her fingers. (I don't think it restricted food she could eat or anything, but it did make her talk like someone with a retainer in their mouth.) She wore it for maybe four weeks, until she no longer had the urge, and then it was removed and she never sucked again.

I thought this was a clever and kind solution because then there was no nagging/scolding, rather the activity simply lost its appeal. I don't know how much this type of thing would cost, but I imagine it wouldn't be very expensive because you're not trying to move teeth or anything.

Anyway, just another suggestion to consider.

hush

Good question! I'm of two minds about this issue and don't have any answers, just a few thoughts. I wonder if the 3 yr. old really just actually needs comfort ALL THE TIME right now in this phase of life. Isn't that possible? I also know there's a big cultural narrative out there about how thumb-sucking is "wrong," similar to the whole "get the baby off the bottle ASAP" line of thinking - neither of which I subscribe to at all. So perhaps we have internalized that message a bit and have some discomfort at seeing a child of this age sucking the thumb. But does that mean it's bad for the child?

Moxie feels that "The fact that she's sucking it all the time and leaving marks means it's going to damage her teeth." I'm not so sure. I'm always skeptical of the "OMG if we don't stop this stuff like RIGHT NOW it will equal a dreadful Life Sentence for our kid!!" breed of parental fears over normal childhood behaviors. Granted, I'm no dentist, but anecdotally I knew loads of kids who have had various oral fixations to the thumb and objects and yet have lovely, untreated teeth as adults. Then there are grown kids like me who didn't orally fixate on anything and yet still had to have expensive braces & dental visits for years to correct buck, crooked, cavity-ridden teeth - all due to bad luck of the genetic draw plus poor diet. So I naturally tend to wonder about causation when it comes to dental health. I do buy that sucking things probably increases the risk to teeth, but have no way to assess how serious or permanent the supposed "damage" might be.

What if the parents did nothing to force the issue, and didn't treat this as a "problem?" I think Caramama's suggestion (8:24am) for working through it in cooperation & partnership with the child is awesome, and a great place to start.

Joan

My 4 yo sucks her thumb when she is stressed as well as when she is relaxing. We just talked to her about only sucking at home or in bed and she is cool with that (even if she forgets sometimes)

Our 2.5 shows no interest in sucking her thumb, even though she sees her older sister do it and tried it a few times herself. She just didn't care for it.

I am counting my blessings because we have relatives that suck their thumbs into adulthood. I also had a college roommate that used a paci in private. We didn't talk about it, but hey what she does privately is up to her!

Laura

Like Rachel, I sucked my fingers long enough that there are permanent little "dents" in my left forefinger and middle finger...but I was the only one in my four-kid family who never needed braces. It didn't affect my bite at all.

I'm not sure efforts to get your daughter to stop would be productive. The more my parents tried to make me stop, the more defiant and rebellious I became about it. They even painted my fingers with bitter alum, but it didn't work. Eventually they taught me to do it only at naptime and bedtime, and that compromise worked.

(My husband tells me that he's seen me suck my fingers in deep sleep even now, at the age of 40! I guess it's a lifelong unconscious habit. Teeth are still fine, though.)

mo

I was a late-stage thumb sucker and one of my boys is a thumb sucker and the other is a finger sucker.

The finger sucker started a little later but is now a more frequent "soother" (sounds better than sucker). He has developed sores in between his fingers where they attach at the hand and he has also had his skin peel off his palm from the skin being wet all the time. We asked the peditrician about it and she said that young kids have a lot of anxiety and this is completely normal and the need to soothe themselves through sucking (if that is their thing) is stronger than any pain that the sucking might cause.

My parents constantly nagged at me to stop and used that awful tasting stuff but I still sucked my thumb. So, I get their need and we never nag them to stop. As for teeth, I had to have braces but so did my non-thumb-sucking sister. My teeth are very healthy though - never had a cavity.

The daughter probably picks up on the OP's displeasure with her sucking and it may make her feel anxious and thus need to suck more. Not saying the OP is causing it. Just another proponent of letting it be.

maria

We've never had thumbsucking in our house, but my 5.5 yo has developed the habit now that summer's here of picking and digging at the scratches and insect bites on her legs to the extent that I fear they'll never heal. It's clearly stress-related (lots of unexpected and unwelcome transition here these past 6 months) and I don't know what to do about it. I don't feel I can just let her outgrow it because, well, walking around with numerous weeping sores is just not safe. She digs under bandaids or just takes them off, and loves to watch when she makes them bleed. Yuck.

I've tried a bunch of things, including nagging, bribing, explaining, trying to instill fear, debating, and negotiating (I need to reread "How to Talk…" as soon as I figure out which box it's in…) to no avail. The latest ploy I'm sorry to say came from a Berenstain Bears book (I HATE those bears!), "The Bad Habit". It's about nail biting but we adapted. Sister Bear gets 10 pennies at the beginning of each day and has to give one back every time she bites her nails. It works like a charm.

So we've been doing the same thing, somewhat inconsistently, for almost a week and it does seem to have helped, though she is getting tired of it and this morning said she doesn't want to do the pennies anymore because it just makes her not let me know she's scratching. This is not entirely true, it's clear from faster healing that she is worrying them less, but it's also not a miracle cure.

I'm definitely taking suggestions on this!

Elizabeth

My sister sucked her thumb until early grade school, and what my parents ended up doing was telling her that she could suck her thumb, but she had to do it in her room, alone. She was extremely social, so this was a really hard choice, and she did occasionally go in her room when she was really stressed out to suck it, but then eventually weaned herself off, in order to be able to be around other people.

Is there some situation that you can make her choose over the thumb?

Meesha

Big topic. Here are my two cents.

We struggled with this until daughter was 4.5yo

We read this http://www.drgreene.org/body.cfm?id=21&action=detail&ref=856

"When investigators have looked at late thumb suckers for common traits, they found only one thing in common that distinguished them from other children -- a prolonged history of a strong battle with thumb sucking at an earlier age. It is striking that many well-meaning parents have actually encouraged thumb sucking by trying to forcibly take the thumb out of their children's mouths. "

But still wanted to hurry the process of stopping with the thumb. MD said she'd give it up when she was ready.

We kept dropping hints like "big girls don't suck their thumb" and eventually she was interested in stopping.

She and I made a "thumb guard" similar to this together http://www.parenthacks.com/2009/03/handmade-thumb-guard-helps-stop-thumbsucking.html (complete with custom lace trimming) But that didn't work either.

Her dentist suggested asked her about her habit and she told him all the things we tried that didn't work. Then he asked her to think of things that would work.

Over the course of a few weeks, people were telling us their own opinions of what would work. (Hot peppers on the thumb, tabasco on the thumb etc) All ideas she didn't like. We told her that we wouldn't implement any of these ideas unless she couldn't come up with a plan (a la caramama "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen") and put it in place by the time she was five. Combine that with a trip to a pediatric dentist who recommended a 3 stage bribe approach (small prize for one week thumb-free, medium prize for two weeks and big prize for three weeks.)

Something in her head clicked and she was done. No special appliances. No thumb guards. One small and one medium prize. And thumb-free.

Clearly, despite all of my research and activity, she was ready to let it go.

Cloud

My daughter is firmly in the binky camp (and is only 2), so I haven't got any advice from the parent's standpoint. I guess I'd want to understand WHY the thumbsucking is happening- is it really just mimicking? Or is it underlying anxiety about the new daycare? Or anxiety about something else? If it is anxiety, I guess I'd want to try to help work through that, if I could.

From the thumb-sucker's perspective- I sucked my thumb (and dragged around a security blanket) until I was in first grade. My parents tried rewards to make me quit, but I resisted for quite awhile. I think I finally quit due to a combination of not wanting to be teased at school and really wanting to buy the Luke Skywalker land cruiser, and needing to get something like 5 days w/o thumb sucking to do that (my parents used a sticker system- I got a sticker everyday I didn't suck my thumb).

Alice in Wonderland

My kid isn't a thumb-sucker (yet, anyway!) but I was. My mom got me to stop by having me wear mittens to bed. (I don't remember how old I was.) I still remember the wooly, unpleasant sensation of a mittened thumb in my mouth! If I recall correctly, it helped me break the habit pretty quickly.

The catch is, I obviously must have agreed to the mitten thing -- if I'd wanted to, I could have easily taken them off. I suspect that one can't really get a kid to give up thumb-sucking against their wishes.

plankface

@maria: i WAS that kid, big time: couldn't stop scratching, and kind of liked watching them bleed. i still have a really hard time not scratching bug bites even when i know they shouldn't. i found out later in life that i have a highly developed response to "itch" stimulus -- not sure if there is any medical terminology for this, but you get my drift.

my mother's solution, besides making sure i stayed clean etc., was that i was not allowed to wear a dress until my legs were completely healed. this took at least 2 years. i was a real girly girl and loved wearing pretty dresses, so this gave me a lot of motivation to keep my hands off my legs.

she also experimented a lot with "after-bite" treatments, which were just discussed in an earlier post. we found some that worked for me and that was a BIG help toward getting me not to scratch.

also: i have no scars on my legs as an adult, so take heart that she will not necessarily be marred for life!

giddy

My daughter sucked her thumb from birth, and at her first dentist visit (at just under age 4), the dentist told her she should stop. I'm not sure how she said it, as I was over in the next room getting my own teeth cleaned, and I highly doubted it would be effective, but from that moment, my daughter wouldn't suck her thumb. I am fairly certain the dentist didn't do anything psychologically inappropriate, although it's possible she told her she needed to stop so her teeth wouldn't stick out (which they were starting to do), and daughter was very excited to go back for her 6-month checkup and tell the dentist she'd been successful. (Also of note--we could see the difference in her teeth within a month.) (And for the record--her older sister never sucked her thumb, but is still requiring orthodontia due to other dental issues--you never can tell!)

So if your daughter is the type who listens more to "authority" than to you, talk to your dentist or pediatrician about helping, even if they are not worried about it.

Michelle

I'm glad I happened to find this. My 3.5 year old daughter just started sucking her thumb out of no where! She had a pacifier until about her third birthday. I'm not so concerned with the actual thumb sucking as I am with the reason she is doing it. We noticed it first while she was asleep one night, but she's also doing it while she's awake. Is there likely a reason for this regression? My possible theories....My Mom died several months ago and she was really close to her grandma. We spent a LOT of time with family for the last year while she was sick and now we don't see family very often. However, we recently saw everyone and she's been telling me she misses her grandpa, grandma, cousins, aunts, etc. quite often now. Theory two...she recently went almost two weeks without seeing her Daddy. So, in addition to missing grandma, etc. she was also telling me she wanted Daddy. Theory three...I've been in a relationship for about six months now. My boyfriend loves her and she him. However, his approach to discipline is different than mine. I have always been very gentle and a push over to some extent. He addresses issues typically with a louder voice and without as many warnings as I give. She cries because she's in trouble but also because he scares her trying to get her attention. This ends up creating a chain reaction of her crying, him being irritated that she's crying and telling her to go to her room for crying...which makes her cry more. UGH!

So basically, I'm wondering if it's stress from all this or one particular thing. Any suggestions on how I figure it out or how I go about getting inside her head to gain insight on what is bothering her?

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Maitha

Thanks for all the suggestions - we are still going with this one - I'm going to try stepping back and letting her work it out for herself and see what happens.

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  • My expertise is in helping people be who they want to be, with a specialty in how being a parent fits into everything else. I like people. I like parents. I think you're doing a fantastic job. The nitty-gritty of what you do with your kids is up to you, although I'm happy to post questions here to get data points of how you could try approaching different stages, because, let's face it, this shit is hard. As for me, I have two kids who sleep through the night and can tie their own shoes. I've been a married SAHM, a married freelance WAHM, a divorcing WOHM, a divorced WOHM, and now a WAHM again. I'm not buying the Mommy Wars and I'll come sit next to you no matter how you're feeding your kid. When in doubt, follow the money trail. And don't believe the hype.
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