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Comments

Katie B.

I'm grieving for the miscarriage I had last month, and that baby an acquaintance lost less than three weeks ago.

I'm glad for my friends, my family, and my husband and daughter.

I'm excited that a friend hired me as her doula for her birth in a month!

I'm very happy for my oldest friend, who had a baby boy yesterday afternoon.

anon

I'm deeply grateful for this blog, Moxie. I've been following along and am happy for you that you are taking it further (the structured classes) but want to chime in to say that far from "only giving someone a fish" you have provided me with a wonderful, whole perspective to parenting that has helped me bring out my own strengths while balancing my weaker areas.

I'm grateful that my 2-year-old is, despite being especially high-maintenance today, a healthy, happy boy. The other night I fell asleep trying to decide which part of him I like best...Asian eyes, button nose, rosy lips, chubby knees, round tummy...couldn't choose.

I'm still struggling but starting to make progress regarding my piercingly critical inner voice that sometimes poisons my endeavors, big and small, and also poisons my interactions with others. My therapist, whom we can barely afford, is worth every penny and I'm grateful to her.

ACJ

I am embarassed to admit it, but I have been derailed by Jon & Kate's separation announcement last night.

It clearly is representative of other stuff for me, including how familiar Kate's controllingness and unkindness (Lord, I can't believe I'm tying this - I don't *know* them!!) is and how afraid it makes me that I too could lose what I have one day if I don't keep it safe.

I had terrible anxiety dreams last night and have felt edgy/afraid all day... stupid TV.

em

I am worried about how on earth we are going to pay the mortgage. June's mortgage, that is, never mind July. :(

I am so grateful for my adorable boy :)

Cloud

@Cece- I think you're allowed to be less than thrilled with your situation, no matter how you got there. You're an intelligent person who can recognize that you're in for a challenge you didn't think you'd signed up for!

@ACJ- it doesn't matter where your "wake up call" came from as long as you answered it, and it sounds like you're answering it. I know that hearing about other people's marriages falling apart always makes me want to go home and hug my husband closer. I think that's natural. No matter how happy your marriage seems to you, there is no escaping that there is another person whose opinion might be completely different. And that is scary.

I am always humbled by these posts Moxie does. So many strong women, working through such difficult problems. Big hugs to you all.

puckgirl

Struggling so much... Work that I love, a boss that is a great, a husband who doesn't get that my office has bent itself in to knots to keep me happy and employed and that sometimes he needs to take one for the team and take a day off so I can I work on my nominal day off or he has to come home early so I can work late...
A husband who won't go see his therapist, took himself off another doctor's anti-depressant, won't exercise or eat healthy and then wonders why he is so unhappy...
A two year old who is funny, terrific, scary and way too smart and without a lick of common sense.
Who escaped from his Sunday School classroom and was wandering around when I happened upon him on my way to the restroom during services. And a Sunday School Director who is remarkably unresponsive to our concerns about how he got out and how to keep it from happening again. Who keeps saying he was only out for a minute. And a minister who is not saying a word about the situation.
Did I mention that I'm President of our congregation? So what kind of response to proble+ms are other members getting if I'm getting bumpkis?
Lots of worry about doing the right thing for my boy--he is so smart, so sweet, and such a boo. He announced that pepper jack cheese and colby jack cheese are cousins and when I told him that summer had started he said "Spring, Summer and then the pomagranate seeds come back."
Trying for #2--hoping for a girl. Husband dithered for months about trying for a girl via IVF or going the old-fashioned way as I got older... Now waiting to see what happens (and really wishing for a drink...)
Terrified of the subway accident and realizing that it is still much safer than driving every day.
Etc...

Etc..

Etc...

Bethany

I'm very sad I had a miscarriage three weeks ago. We lost our son at 20 weeks. Instead of getting to find out whether he was a boy or a girl, we found out he wasn't alive :(

I'm very happy for my girlfriend who just adopted a 3-month-old baby girl and completed her family (3 sons with her and her husband and now a sweet baby girl sent just for them :)

theresa

I am devastated for friends who have lost babies recently and terrified that something will happen to my child. I can't sleep for worrying about it and crying for the lost ones. I am terrified by the randomness of terrible events.

hush

Grateful for... the phenomenal Moxie community & the amazing sharing and support here... my DH who tries really hard despite my current hideously preggers/beeyotchie state... my family's health

Happy about... the return of "True Blood"... the song "Gossip Folks" by Missy Elliott... seeing my wonderful DS's pure joy at swimming lessons

Scared of... not being able to find quality, loving childcare when babe #2 arrives ... the increased stress that adding a wonderful new member of the family will no doubt put on our marriage for about the first year or so... having to stay in our podunk local hospital where bad things have happened to folks we know

Sad about... the many tragic stories of pregnancy loss shared here today ... the fragility of the institution of marriage; my BFF will probably get divorced from her no good, very bad, affair-having, prostitute-frequenting hubby - which is for the best but still just so very sad

MrsHaley

I am so humbled by the struggles going on in our little community. My heart breaks into a million pieces for all of you who have miscarried babies in the last few months ... there are just too many baby-shaped holes in the world. I grieve with those of you whose marriages are slipping and wish you strength to do the work and make the choices that will keep your own souls and the souls of your children as whole and pure as possible.

I am inordinately blessed by two healthy children, a loving husband who is my partner in a strong marriage and a job I love. But like @Theresa, I am terrified by the randomness of horror.

anon

I am happy to realize how much I love my little home, my own family - just me, the husband, and our boy. We may not have a grand house, but we have a lot of love and laughter. We spent part of Father's Day weekend with my husband's dad, who is in the midst of closing his business, has a wife who's insanely pissed off at him (not to mention, crazy). It just made me so thankful that we're happy, but I'm concerned for him.

I'm sad that a dear friend is upset with me, and yet doesn't want to communicate. I've tried to make things right but apparently it's not enough. I hate the whole freeze out method and I'm not responding to it. But I wish things could be different.

AmyinTexas

I've come to the realization that I have anxiety problems. I'm toying with the "suck it up and snap out of it" cure or seeking help.

I'm grateful that we have a home we can afford, stable jobs, relatively healthy kids, and that my husband understands me.

Piggy Toes

I'm sad I no longer have a relationship with my mother and father. My Grandmother passed away a few months ago and in her Will she left me her house. My mother not only filed for proof of will but is also contesting the will. My mom has not spoken to my grandmother in at least seven years and is well-off. My mom also told everyone for years that "she did not want anything". Now my mom is basically going crazy because nothing but $5000 (which is alot!) was left to her. I do not want the house or the cash from the sale, I would give it all to my mom if she would take it and end her silly court case. She basically threw our relationship away for the possibility of a small bit of cash and for some controll. My heart is so sad she would do this to me and my children, although I wonder how she feels being slighted by her own mother (even though my mom would not talk to her). Anyway, that is on my mind all the time and it really brings me down.

Shelley

I am grateful for all that I have, my fabulous, 5-y-o daughter and husband I love as much or more than ever.

I am really, really working on that thing about being mentally present where you are physically present, especially when being with her, as this is a crazy time for me at work right now and my brain is constantly on a hamster wheel of work-related worry and "must dos."

I am incredibly happy that my mom, who has come through a bad infection that landed her in the hospital for 12 days, is not only well but almost back to 100%, with all her spark and all energy.

I am heartbroken for my best friend, whose very difficult mother is living with her after health issues took away her ability to work... and just when it seemed the mother was going to be able to move out and live semi-independently, some phenomenally irresponsible financial decisions from her past came to light, and now she is completely unable to afford to move out.


Another Amy

One grandmother is all alone in another state, in the ICU. Tickets are $700 that I don't really have. The other grandmother had glaucoma surgery that went wrong, and she can't see, which means she can't read her beloved books or knit or even check email. My great aunt is dying of pneumonia at the same time as all this. I write about products I don't believe in so we can keep our house. This job keeps me away from my daughter every day. Everything just seems so off-balance and badly prioritized. I don't want much, but the things I want seem so far out of reach. I'm tired ALL the time.

I'm endlessly thankful for a spouse who completely believes in me and who is the most even-tempered person I have ever met. And we managed to find some sparks this weekend -- first time in a long time.

The sun in shining and the temperature is perfect.

blue

@Emily, I had my kids 4.5 years apart and I feel your post like you wouldn't believe. It is starting over, but all children are different and the first threes the hardest... 3 days, then 3 weeks, then 3 months. When my son was born, I remember missing my daughter and being jealous that her father could put her to bed and cuddle her and I was stuck with a baby who was going to wake up AGAIN in two hours.

I am grateful for my husband who loves me and our kids. And our daughter who is five (not four!!!) and is smart as a whip and beautiful and funny and a little crazy. I am thankful for our son who is 8 months old and laughs at the dog smiling at him and rolls around on the floor and sucks his toes.

And, I'm grateful for Zoloft. I am sad that I need it, but realize that I really do, at least right now.

I'm thoughtful today for the mother's of babies with special needs. I checked Gifts out of the library today, a collection of testimonies from mother's of children with Down Syndrome. I am moved and inspired by these families and thankful for healthy children.

I never thought a blog could make me a better parent, but I have been lurking around here for a couple of months and I'm finding that the positive force and refreshing honesty I encounter here is giving me a new perspective on my life and kids. So, thanks for that!


Nancy

I'm so happy that my DH's grandmother has finally been placed in a home, and in a room across the hall from her own DH, even. I hope this will give his folks a little peace, worrying less about her and fussing over her day to day care a bit less. I'm sorry she fell and broke her hip, but at least it has forced this issue somewhat.

I'm stressed over my job -- about 6 weeks into it, feeling over my head but secretly thinking I may be able to pull this off. Scary though.

Wish the rain would stop.

Thankful for the AskMoxie community!

Mary

I'm happy that after 12 months we finally sold our house and I don't have to keep it sparkling clean in case a prospective buyer comes by unexpectedly.

I'm angry that a co-worker is holding a grudge against me and made a derogatory comment about me in front of my peers today. And no one corrected him or stood up for me. I didn't deserve that.

kelli

I'm thankful for my 3 healthy kids, my loving husband and my goofy dog. I'm happy we're both employed (him more than me) and that I have time to dedicate to the kids' co-op preschool.

I need to work on being more present and mindful every day. And to stop procrastinating, especially the hard things like talking with people who don't like me and returning those phone calls. And writing up those invoices so I'll finally get paid!

The never ending "TO DO" list is so daunting.

mimi

Wow. This post has helped me gain a lot of perspective. I am moving abroad by myself in a couple months and am a bit terrified (and slightly excited, and then terrified again).

marsupial jones

I'm so sad my husband has no idea how to think beyond himself and his stupid bicycle. He is pushing me away, revolution by revolution.

Melba

After looking through photos on facebook of an old friend's wedding, and being reminded that most of my old friends have kept in touch and are still close, except for me... I wish I had done things differently and I regret letting my friendships drift. Now I have just one real friend left and a handful of acquaintences while my old friends all still have each other. How did this happen? It is sad and I feel its a loss that never goes away and I'm constantly reminded of it every time I look at facebook. Before facebook I actually had no idea they were all still friends without me.

I know this sounds lame and self pitying but it's the loss on my mind today and this post is timely for me.

On the brighter side, I'm 10 weeks pregnant and crossing my fingers for a good pregnancy!

Cat

My 13 month old daughter and I have been waiting for six months for our visas to move to Spain to be with her daddy. This has been such a long process. Thirteen months just for him to get his work permit, and in the interim, came a baby. Living mostly as a single mother, out of a suitcase, between my parents' (ugh) and my in-laws' (ugh), this has been our limbo nigh on three years. And. I'm. Exhausted. To be honest, I'm not even sure I know how to live a "normal" life anymore. I take up way more bed now.

Until we get our visas, DD and I are only allowed to spend three mos out of every six in Europe so we're flying to Spain on Monday. Sounds great, right? Only we don't have our visas yet and if they're issued the day or week after we leave, we'll have to turn right around (thousands more dollars, ugh) and come back to Canada to pick them up in person. And then fly back again. Flying alone with a crawling baby was one thing, but I'm terrified at the mere thought of traveling with a toddler and all it entails. We can't afford two seats either, so my supersquirmy 21-pounder will have to stay on my lap during two flights (three on the way back!), probably wedged between (understandably) bitter strangers.

All I can do is PRAY the visas will be issued this week. I have three days left. PLEASE. I've been such a good girl.

(Phew, thanks, Moxie. I needed to vent.)

My love and prayers to all of you who have far worse problems. I do count my blessings, too. xxoo

Alice

I'm scared. I'm 9 weeks pregnant today and all I have been hearing lately is about miscarriages and babies dying. I am so scared. My wonderful 2.5 year old daughter is so excited about this baby I am scared if I loss it she will be even more upset than me. But I had to tell her as she knew something was different about me (super sensitive). I'm scared that if I loss this one that I never will want to go through this again.

I am so scared about this one, that haven't taken photos, I haven't told family. I feel that if the baby does stick around then I will feel guilty....

My husband is awesome and i don't appreciate him enough. I have a had time getting my head around the fact that he is always complaining about work. He's in a different country and the same complaints are there with this company. He knows some of it is him, but he's unwilling to bend and realise that things are out of his control and that he can't change the personality of his bosses.

But we have food, we have heat, we have a place we are renting. We have love. Now if only we had enough to buy a house.

Just sad (and pissed)

I'm sad about my marriage. To anyone looking in it would appear that we are the perfect couple with a beautiful 2 year old daughter, house, jobs, etc. In actuality I have a husband who periodically (I say periodically because he does it 'til he's caught, goes to counseling, stops for a while, and then starts again in a year or two) hangs out on singles websites and engages in inappropriate emails/chats with women.

Mostly I just wish I knew what to do. Walk away and deprive my daughter of her father or believe that this time could be different (yeah, right) or just accept this is what our relationship is?

I hate this situation and I hate him right now for doing this to us. We didn't/don't deserve it.

K

I'm sad and angry. Yesterday was my mom's birthday. She died less than a year ago of breast cancer when I was 7 months pregnant and a week before the baby shower she was throwing me. She would have been 55 and I miss her more than anything. I don't understand why I am barely 30 and have had to go through the deaths of both of my parents already.

caramama

I can't believe I missed this yesterday! I love these posts and really needed something like this these days. I will catch up reading everyone else's comments right after I post mine.

I am so happy that we have a new addition to the family--a beautiful, healthy baby boy who is 10 days old. And best yet: One that will let us put him down! Unlike his older sister who would not be put down for the first 3 months of her life without screaming bloody murder, he will sleep for even an hour or more at a time lying down in his cosleeper! And sometimes he will just let us lay him down awake and stay there for 5-10 minutes. Oh, and he will let us put him in the swing we've set up in the bathroom so I can shower and wash up--and he doesn't scream the whole time! It's like a completely different world when you can put a baby down. I'm so thankful for that.

I'm also thankful that my high-needs, but surprisingly adaptable, 2 year 3 month old daughter seems to be adjusting well so far. Also so thankful that I have such a fantastic husband who has taken over all of the toddler's care, household care, and my care, plus some newborn care--even more than he had been doing during my rough pregnancy. He is amazing.

I'm very sad and disappointed that my body cannot seem to deliver babies vaginally. I do not regret trying for a VBAC at all, even though it was trying, I almost had serious complications, and I ended up with another c-section anyway. At least I know that I tried and my body just doesn't seem to be able to handle it. I'm thankful (once again) for modern medicine! And I'm thankful that my boy is nursing like a champ and we bonded right away.

I'm so sorry for all the tragedies happening in the world. It's hard to hear about them all when I'm in this post-baby, hormonally-charged stage. I'm really glad that no one I know was on that portion of the Metro's red line, but very sad for those who were or had family on it.

Hugs and love to everyone else!

Rudyinparis

@ Just sad (and pissed)--my heart really goes out to you.

It's good to bear witness, as it were, to other people's hurt.

And it is WONDERFUl to hear your news, Caramama. My heart just lifted when I saw your post. Congratulations!!!

Brooke

Congratulations caramama!

Jac

I also can't believe I missed this post. These are usually my favorite!

@Caramama, I'm thrilled for you. Last night DH and I discussed trying for number #2 sooner than we originally planned and seeing your post just made me feel warm all over about our decision. The plan still isn't immediate but I feel awesome now that DH and I are on the same page.

I'm so sorry for everyone who is struggling right now. And I feel so fortunate that I feel really happy now. I am very grateful for the life I have. I'm trying very hard not to feel like everything is too good to be true, and just focus on the gratitude.

caramama

Jill in Atlanta - I'm so happy for you guys doing so well! It really helps to hear how much more relaxed things can get. I read what you wrote to my husband (we are both home on parental leave), and when I said something about how much easier things will get, he added, "in five years or so." We had a good chuckle, but it really does help us both. Thanks!

Emily - I hear exactly what you are saying. For me, it's the wee hours of the early morning when the newborn has a few hours of cluster feeding and I just want to cry because he needs to stay glued next to me for hours nursing and I just flash back to our daughter when she was an infant (I even called him by her name last night/this morning)--our daughter who still comes to bed with us at over 2. Of course, these days she clings to my husband all night because I have the infant. I miss time with her soooooo much. But hopefully, this will not last too much longer and I will have fun with both of them soon.

Sitterless - That just sucks! I'm so sorry that your regular babysitter has moved. Could you ask her for recommendations, maybe friends of hers that would be good, responsible babysitters? I couldn't imagine babysitting and letting a kid cry that much! I hated it if they cried at all!! If you are in the DC area near me, I could recommend someone! Email me if you are: caramamamia at gmail dog com.

Johanna - I'm so glad that you found a diagnosis and a treatment plan! I felt that big "aha" and relief when I discovered my recurring depression was Seasonal Affective Disorder. It's such a relief to be able to have that diagnosis and be able to look back at your life and have it all make sense. Good luck with your treatment!

AmyinMotown - Oh man! Things are rough for you! I hope it starts to get better soon. I doubt there's much to do about the dying town and industry. I hope things get better soon.

Cece - It's hard for us to get pregnant even when we really really want to be (needed fertility treatments to get pregnant), yet I hate being pregnant. And that's okay too. I just had to keep reminding myself that the point was never to BE pregnant or to have an infant(s), but to have children. For me, the pregnancies and infant stages are just something to get through. I hope you are able to get through it! 3 under 1... whew! Good luck!

I'm so sorry for those who have lost a baby, born or unborn. My heart goes out to you all. I know the pain of a miscarriage, especially after trying for such a long time. It's not easy to deal with, and it's not something you ever "get over" or forget.

Hugs to everyone!

Jennifer

I am thankful that my 2yo is a healthy and amazing person and I'm additionally thankful that my 2nd pregnancy (due in just a few weeks) has been WAY easier than I though it would. I am praying that this baby girl is healthy, too, because I know she'll be amazing no matter what.

I'm thankful that I have an incredibly flexible employer that allows me to keep dropping my hours while keeping my job. I'm INCREDIBLY thankful for awesome health insurance.

I'm thankful that my husband continues to like me even though I'm a huge pain in the butt and sometimes say some not-so-nice things to him. I'm hoping that our marriage will survive.

I'm thankful that my husband and I did not struggle with fertility and I pray for those who did or who currently are (including my brother and sister-in-law).

Lisa

Maternity leave is ending.
We hired a new babysitter and my daughter screams in her arms. She (the babysitter) seems lovely and warm and patient but is also trying to bond with my 2 year old son.

I'm not sure I can do this.

Kate

I'm freaked out about putting my first baby in day care in 2 1/2 weeks. I feel like she will think I am abandoing her and I can't shake feeling like a bad mother because of it. She is so small and beautiful and perfect.

I feel lucky to have an amazing husband, happy and healthy daughter, and enough money to live comfortably for now.

When it seems like the world is going crazy, I just remember that people have always felt like this. During the Cold War, the Cuban Missile Crises, Vietnam, just to name a few. The world goes nuts, and then rights itself, and then goes nuts again.

Much love to all.

Rudyinparis

Caramama is clearly the kind of person that never needs to be reminded to write thank-you notes promptly.

caramama

Thanks all!

@Rudyinparis - Actually, I really really suck at thank-you notes. However, call me or email me with a problem, and I generally respond quickly. ;-)

ramy

congrats caramama!

Jane

Just found out today via ultrasound that the baby that I thought might be nearly 12 weeks didn't develop past 8, even though I haven't miscarried yet.

I am so thankful for my supportive friends and family, and my lovely, funny 2 year old girl who keeps reminding me that my body can do it and that I can try again.

But it hurts today.

MrsHaley

@Jane - peace and strength to you. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

@Moxie - When I read your original post, I thought maybe I had missed something about a friend or family member of yours named Neda, so I checked your personal blog and searched around here, too ... nothing. Then I Googled.

My God.

OH my God, this world.

Cloud

@caramama- thanks for giving me hope that maybe baby #2 will be a little easier than baby #1! I'm glad you caught a break this time around. I'm hoping I do too, but trying to prepare myself for the possibility that I will have another high energy, high needs baby. I keep reminding myself how much fun my high energy toddler is... although it is hard to keep up with her now that I'm pregnant. Thank goodness for my high energy Hubby.

@Kate, @Lisa- I found that the working mom thing has gotten so much easier as time went on. My daughter started day care when she was 5 months old, and at first I had the usual guilt, etc. But she did really well in day care, and as I saw that, I started to relax more about it and at some point, the guilt just went away. Now I see a happy, wonderful two year old who is positively thriving in day care. She is always happy to see me at the end of the day, but I can tell that she is also happy at day care. We've had some of the workers there babysit from time to time, and even when Pumpkin was only 9 months old it was obvious that she was thrilled to see one of them show up at our house.

Anyway, I know that being a working mom isn't right for everyone. But it has been great for me, and at least for me, leaving my baby at day care got a lot easier after the first few weeks.

One practical suggestion, Lisa- have you tried leaving the house when your babysitter is with the baby? When she was a baby, Pumpkin would sometimes pitch a fit if someone else held her while I was around. But if I left, she was fine and happy with the caregiver.

hedra

@caramama, congrats! My second was a 'down baby' also, and OH the sweetness when I figured that out! Wait, you WANT me to put you down? You're HAPPY down? DOWN IS GOOD. :) He also slept well, 5 hours at 5 weeks, 6 at 6 weeks, by eight weeks was waking up 30 minutes before my alarm to nurse, and then letting me get up and get ready for work without a peep... WOOO!

And yay for modern medicine for you. My grandmother was grand at birthing babies, and had a uterine rupture that left her in the hospital for six months - the first six months of my dad's life, which meant he was raised by his aunt for that period. Talk about suckage! Yay for skipping that kind of thing.

@all those dealing with other losses, my sympathy. I have had enough pregnancy losses to know how very hard they can be, far too well. I found it easier to integrate the losses after I was done having kids, strangely enough... but I still get anniversary grief loud enough to disrupt my life for a good week or two.

I don't have much in the way of sorrow right now, which is a gladness in itself. I have passed the 'we'll call you if the biopsy results are distressing' point post-endometrial biopsy, but still have the followup appointment to go. I'll be happier after that point, I suspect. I am a fretful porpentine if I don't have answers. I hate waiting. I like certainty.

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  • My expertise is in helping people be who they want to be, with a specialty in how being a parent fits into everything else. I like people. I like parents. I think you're doing a fantastic job. The nitty-gritty of what you do with your kids is up to you, although I'm happy to post questions here to get data points of how you could try approaching different stages, because, let's face it, this shit is hard. As for me, I have two kids who sleep through the night and can tie their own shoes. I've been a married SAHM, a married freelance WAHM, a divorcing WOHM, a divorced WOHM, and now a WAHM again. I'm not buying the Mommy Wars and I'll come sit next to you no matter how you're feeding your kid. When in doubt, follow the money trail. And don't believe the hype.
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