Reader call: What questions do you ask a part-time babysitter?

A regular commenter is getting ready to look for her first non-family part-time babysitter. It seems like there are good resources out there for finding a full-time babysitter/nanny. But I think some of the issues are different with a part-time babysitter/nanny, whether that person is going to do a few daytime shifts for you, or exclusively nighttime work.

For me, the most important thing to consider is how you found this person. I'm far more likely to hire a babysitter that is a friend or family member of someone I know and trust than someone I found through an ad. And that may mean that I pass up someone great from an ad, but I just feel like there's more of a safety factor in knowing the person's network. (Note: Trust. Your. Instincts. If it's your cousin that you've know forever, but you get a bad vibe, don't leave that person alone with your kid.)

Now, once you've found someone to interview, what questions are important to ask? Let's assume that the person will need to care for baby through preschooler age.

Comments

[sueinithaca]

We've hired sitters from Sittercity.com before - actually, our best sitter was found through that site. We actually even hired a sitter off craigslist when we were in the US and she was in Paris 9we were going to Paris for a month and needed someone to take the 2 year old out while I napped with the newborn. she was AWESOME. IF anyone in London needs a sitter, she's there now in grad school)

We're lucky that one of the local colleges has an occupational therapy program, and a lot of those kids like to babysit to pick up extra cash. They're AWESOME - especially since my kids have some sensory stuff going on, it's great to have someone who understands that kids often have issues that are slightly out of their control, and that they shouldn't be blamed for them.

I usually have them over for an interview with the kids present. Interaction with the kids is the most important thing. We've had babysitters who are lovely people but who were just too low energy for our kids, so we stopped calling them (my stepmother tells tales of how her kids *hated* their babysitters growing up. why on earth would you hire someone your kids hated? boggles my mind). We talk about transportation, school schedules, experience with different age groups. How would you handle a tantrum?, what's your view on discipline? can you cook a grilled cheese sandwich? have you ever used cloth diapers? etc etc ad nauseum. I ask a lot about the kids they've babysat for previously - how long were they with a family and how do they talk about those kids? If they never babysat long-term with a family, then they probably weren't that great with the kids or that reliable (I was a *terrible* babysitter growing up. tv on and snacks from the pantry). DO they talk about the kids fondly, or do they make fun of their quirks? How competent do they seem? Confident? You don't want someone who will freak out and call their dad if they flip a breaker in the house (this recently happened, but she's 15 and her dad has been a close friend of my husband's for 15 years, so we didn't mind so much that he wandered around our house looking for the fuse box for half an hour. some guy we didn't know, we wouldn't have been thrilled) - you want someone who will go find the box and flip it back on their own.

I think one of the most important things is to call their references and ask questions. Get a real feel for how much they wish she moved back. Verify everything she's said about her background and experience.

Keep in mind that I'm usually hiring college students - a lot of the verifying background is irrelevant if you're hiring the kid from down the street.

We've been really lucky to have only had good babysitter experiences (the only ones we've stopped calling have just been boring, not bad) - our favorite sitter is leaving next year for Americorps - we're hoping she comes back for grad school after she's finished - so we'll have to find someone new. Hopefully, one of her friends will be available.

We never have sitters put the kids to bed (they're 4.5 and 2 and their bedtime routines are just too high needs for a sitter) but if you're planning to have them do that, I'd be very very clear about rules and expectations.

[catherine]

I hired our sitter from SitterCity and she's been great for us - a graduate student in child psychology.
I did use Facebook and MySpace to check on the people who replied to my ad. Several applicants were disqualified because of things they'd put on their pages - information about binge drinking, drug use, etc. Google is your friend!

[Jilly]

Ask what s/he finds the most challenging when looking after kids 'x' age (where x = your child's age). This will cut through the "oh I've looked after kids this age" BS and tell you how well they know kids and what kinds of personal resources they have for dealing with the ups and downs.

I met our once-a-week sitter in the playground when she was looking after other kids. I wasn't even in the market when we became friendly and had a chance to watch how involved she got with her kids. It was great. And lucky for me. I think you need to ask questions like above to try to recreate that situation. You can (and should) check references but they aren't watching all the interactions.

Another important consideration is how well s/he knows the neighbourhood. Any friends working in the area? Do they know the playgrounds? Are they comfortable? It can take a while to get to know an area and it's hard for some part-time sitters to break into a playground clique (don't fit in with moms, don't fit in with full time nannies). Wouldn't want kids to suffer because sitter is hesitant to get out there with them.

x

[Cecily]

We've hired sitters by running ads on Craig's List. We've had mixed success (the sitter that was supposed to work for us this week aka spring break got very sick), but it's been nice.

We started out by being home when the sitter was here (we work from home so that made sense) and after a week or two we would leave for short jaunts, eventually making them longer. It worked pretty well.

The sitter we has last summer was a music teacher fighting summer boredom. It was really a lucky find.

[habeas]

We're both academics so most of our sitters have been either peers trading babysitting or students we already knew well who were looking for babysitting gigs. That said, we've had a few children-of-colleagues on occasion as well, and if you're interviewing neighborhood teenagers who are learning to babysit, here are some of the questions we asked to see if they were ready:

Have you had CPR and first aid training?
What could happen while we are gone that you might call your parents to ask about? (Especially true of close neighbors)
What ages of children have you taken care of before?
Who are your favorite kids to play with, and what kinds of stuff do you like to do with little kids that you watch?

Our next-door neighbor's girls started with us as mama's helpers--they watch our kids in the house/ yard while I'm doing other housework or taking a walk about the block for a few minutes. I second all the people who said "be home while the sitter is there at first"--this makes it relatively clear in a pretty short time how well your kids will interact with them and how sharp they are in terms of sussing out potential hazards etc.

[Shandra]

I have to admit sometimes I actually prefer to interview people where I don't have a personal connection.

I had a bad experience where I interviewed a friend's nanny for a nanny share and when I asked her "what would you do if my son (16 mos at the time) were upset when I left and crying?" and she said "put him in his room and close the door," I was done. But then it was awkward with my friend.

Anyways, for part time sitters I don't know that my questions would be that different, other than around availability.

The most revealing to me have been the situational ones, the actual interaction, and the response to my question "have you ever hurt or abused a child in your care?" The other stunningly informative question I lifted from Protecting the Gift was to ask about problems, because what a sitter finds to be a problem can tell you quite a lot. I recommend giving it a read.

[Melissa]

I've hired several sitters from Craigslist and almost all of them have been outstanding. By the time I have them in to meet the kids, I've already screened them quite a bit (was their email legible? do they return phone calls promptly? do they have energy over the phone?). When they get here, I see if they try to engage with the kids and whether they speak with fondness of their past charges. The answers to "how would you deal with a crying toddler" and "why do you like working with younger kids" are also fairly telling. Then I always check as many references as they give me. I've vetoed several people because of what their references said, but in retrospect they were all people I felt iffy about anyway. My daughter is also pretty shy, so if she likes the sitter, chances are they will be good. Anyway, just wanted to say you can find wonderful sitters through ads if you do your homework.

[Jen L.]

My husband and I teach at a college and this semester, we use one of our former students who graduated in December as our "manny." (man nanny--haha) He comes Tues/Thurs from 9-2 which is the only time my husband and I are in class at the same time. When I interviewed him, I had him over to play with my son for an afternoon to check for chemistry. I also had him demonstrate a diaper change. I asked him what he would consider a typical day to be in this situation. I liked that he asked if he could bring his computer to do some work while my son was sleeping. I can tell you that even when I've come home early with no warning, they've been playing or reading together. He hasn't just plopped my son in front of the tv so he can surf the net. He's been great--they spend a lot of time outside playing in the yard or going for walks, they read, have snacks, eat lunch and play a lot. I think the trick is to set boundaries. I let my son watch a couple of shows (he's only 15 months, so he's not that into tv, but he does have a couple of shows that he loves), but beyond that, would rather he not spend all day in front of the tv. Our manny knows and respects this rule. Also be very clear in the interview about whether or not they are allowed to eat your food, if you expect them to do any cleaning, and such. That way there will be no questions and less room for resentment on either side, since boundaries were set from the get-go. Part of our guy's pay is that he gets to do his laundry while he's here and I always leave him lunch. He has the best job in the world. :)

[CG]

Just want to emphasize trusting your gut. We hired a part-time nanny last year (10-15 hours a week). I thought she was great. Her references were great. She had been with one family for three years (to me, a really good sign). But she and my son did not click too well at first. Right away, I kind of thought maybe we should go with our second choice, who was also great but could only do summer, when we wanted to continue into the fall. But I thought things were getting better I didn't make the switch.

This fall, I was approached by some other moms who had seen my son (and his little friend, who we nanny-shared with) at the park, basically being neglected. At the time, they were under two. The nanny was on her phone or texting, not even coming over to see whether they were ok if they fell down. The park abuts a busy street that they could have easily wandered into.

We fired her right away and I still feel sick about not listening to my instincts. I don't think my son was really harmed but he certainly wasn't having a loving, enriching experience. I would like to think it won't happen again.

So, my point is, even if you find someone who you think is good, don't hesitate to pull the plug if it isn't going as well as you would like.

[electriclady]

We hired our first part-time sitter ever back in December--was 2 days/week, now more intermittent because we're working less. I found the people I interviewed through referrals from other parents in the neighborhood--no one I knew well, though. I totally agree with all the previous comments about questions to ask, and especially to checking mutiple references. I also asked, "Who was your favorite child you've cared for?" and "Who was your least favorite/toughest child you've cared for?"--answers to those can be very revealing.

In addition to doing the inital interview with kids present, I did a trial run--had the sitter come for 3-4 hours (paid) and go through the regular daily routine (including nap, if nap will be part of their responsibility) with me present for most of the time, then going out (just to the store or for a walk) for 30-60 minutes at the end, leaving my daughter with the sitter alone. I found it was very helpful for a number of reasons: (1) It got my daughter used to the sitter gradually, so it wasn't a shock the first time she came and we left them alone; (2) it helped me observe the way the sitter interacted with my daughter for a longer period of time than the interview (and so *I* was more comfortable leaving them alone); and (3) I found the potential sitters opened up to me more over the extended time period, so I learned more about their personalities. I had basically decided to hire one woman (who was great with my daughter) and was doing a trial run with her, and she started lecturing me about all the things I was doing wrong (and yes, she actually used the words "Another thing you're doing wrong..."). No thank you!

[hush]

I totally agree with Shandra that just because a potential babysitter has some personal connection to you, it doesn't mean they're any better than some random person off the internet. The same standards and hard-hitting interview questions should apply, just as if they were a total stranger. IMHO, sharing babysitters (or housecleaners, or husbands!) with friends is too often a recipe for awkwardness, hurt feelings, and weird territorial disputes but I digress... A BIG amen to CG who said trust your gut, because the babysitter who looks good on paper may not click with your family. Questions I've asked: "What is the biggest parenting mistake you've seen?" "If a 20-month-old won't stop jumping on the couch, how would you handle it?" "Do you mind working in a home where your actions might be monitored on video?" All generate some pretty revealing answers, and BTW we don't have a nanny cam, I just like to check out sitters' reactions to the idea, and hopefully plant the thought in their heads & let it take root.

We have been lucky enough to find a 15-year-old woman to watch our son 3 weekend evenings per month so we can have date night. When we recently moved to the area we hardly knew anyone, so I put an ad in the high school paper and a paper ad up at the supermarket. I got tons of responses, and we ultimately interviewed 13 students. We narrowed the field down to 3 women, and I called up the local high school principal and inquired about the final 3 (we live in a small town, so the principal knows all of her students and was very forthright in her comments.) Two of the finalists were academic stars who looked great on paper, but didn't click as well with actual toddlers as S did. S plans to take over her grandma's day care one day, has all of the necessary certifications (babysitter training class including CPR), and most importantly, she felt right at a gut level & just seemed such a natural with our son.

[Clare]

What I found nice in a part-time sitter, in addition to what everyone else has suggested, was schedule flexibility. Like, I need you Thursday instead of Wednesday next week. Does that work for you? type stuff. Obviously, I didn't change the schedule often, and I gave plenty of notice if I needed to, and I understood that students often can't change. But, the sitters who I've really liked for other reasons have been great about working with my schedule, or giving me the name of a friend who is available. So, I guess another piece of advice is to have a couple of sitters who you're comfortable with in case of schedule changes.

[CG]

Forgot to say we found the bad nanny on craigslist. We also found our previous nanny there, who was good until she disappeared one day and never came back to work. Both had glowing references and a lot of experience.

We went with a nanny agency to find our current, full-time nanny and she is working out just great.

Neither approach is guaranteed to succeed or fail, just offering some data points.

[Jessica]

The most important thing for me was the trial run. Our sitter came through the baby sitting file of a local parents resource organization (they have parenting classes, baby sitting and daycare referrals, etc). She had experience, CPR training and glowing references. But it wasn't until she spent two afternoons at our house with our son while I was in the house (sort of a mother's helper scenario) that I felt totally comfortable. I also did the trial run with someone else and it didn't click, so I never called her again. I didn't frame it as "this is your test" I just said "I need your help so I can get some work done at home-- I'll be here if you need anything or have any questions". I think it's really important to see how a person reacts to being with the child for a long period of time... it's hard to fake interest, affection and patience for hours on end. Observing our sitter playing with, feeding and talking to our little guy demonstrated her kind, fun and gentle nature in a way I'm not sure any interview question could have. Now, a year and half later, our son *loves* his sitter, has a pet name for her, is super affectionate with her and gets totally excited when she comes over. It's also obvious she really enjoys being with him-- when I call to book her she says, "I can't wait to see E.-- I miss him!" That mutual affection is more important to me than whether she does everything exactly as I would do it.

[s'mommy]

Found our nanny on the local parents' message board: I posted an ad, and other parents wrote to me. I was freaking out about going back to work, but this made it so much easier. Everyone who contacted me really cared about their nanny, but couldn't hang on for whatever reason. I knew I'd found our gal because I clicked so well with the other mom--I knew her standards made sense to me, and that someone she trusted, I could trust. Our baby was young at the time--four months. She couldn't talk, but when I came home at the end of the day, she was so calm and happy--I knew she'd had to have had a happy day. That said a lot to me, and made me feel safe going back to work.

[Lisa]

I want to second the nomination of Gavin De Becker's "Protecting the Gift" which I know has been mentioned in the comments here many times. Parts may seem heavy handed but so much of it was incredibly eye opening for me - like asking the question "have you ever abused or hurt a child you were caring for?" It seemed crazy to me to ask someone such a question but the response (beyond the expected "no") is very revealing, in terms of what someone considers to be maltreatment for example.

My recommended interview question is "what do you like least about babysitting/child care?" because all of us knows that every minute of the day caring for our kids is not sunshine and puppydogs.....can your sitter admit that and what do they do about it? How do they handle periods of stress? Have they ever gotten frustrated with a child they were sitting for and what did they do about it? I have definitely had folks tell me that such a thing has never happened to them but I didn't really believe them....

[Elizabeth]

I made the mistake of being overawed by a long resume and great references, without paying enough attention to interpersonal chemistry. My baby really liked the 24 yo college student I hired as part-time sitter, but she and I didn't really hit it off and since I work at home it created a LOT of tension. I felt like she was very critical of my way of doing things. It's good to find out whether they share or are at least open to your parenting philosophy, especially around sleep issues if they'll be there around nap time. The question I wish I had asked was: "how do you handle an infant/toddler who just won't go to sleep?"

[theresa]

We don't have any family in the area, and none of our friends want to swap babysitting because they all do have family in the area to babysit, so we had to find a stranger. We just hired our first sitter (for occasional date nights) for our one year old, from sittercity.com. She came over for an interview and he took to her right away, and she was lovely. Her refs were good, her background check came back clean, I hope it works out. I would have loved to have a referral from someone I know, but wasn't able to find one.

Since she'll only be here after he's in bed, most of my questions dealt with how she would deal with wakeups, etc., to make sure we were on the same page.

[AmeliaV]

We found a part-time sitter (3 hrs a day during the week so I can write my dissertation!) through Craigslist.

I don't think I asked any of the right questions, but I just felt really good about her. My husband and I are high energy, bordering on hyper, and so, predictably, is our 7 mo. old. Our sitter had the most peaceful presence and seemed so loving and calm.

She also has had tons of experience, which is super helpful for me. She gives me great advice on everything, from sleeping to starting solids to toys to the importance of bottle brushes. Some folks might not like the advice-giving very much, but I eat it up. It's great to have someone to discuss things with. And she really *loves* my daughter. I mean she really does.

Oh, the other thing that was important to me was that she would be a consistent presence in my daughter's life, and wouldn't be leaving for the summer or anything. Of course, you can't control these things, but it made a difference to me that she seemed committed to sitting for us as long as we needed her.

[Colleen, Baby Potential]

For those who are interested, we are giving away a one-year subscription to Sittercity.com on our blog (Baby Potential). Contest ends midnight on Monday, April 13 and all you need to do is leave a comment.

I wrote a review about Sittercity.com on our blog that coincides with our giveaway. I've found great sitters there and think it's just one of many ways to find quality care for children (as long as you interview and background check the people you find there, as with anywhere!).

Please feel free to spread the word to anyone you know who would like a chance to win a one-year membership.

Thanks!
Colleen from Delaney Diaries and Baby Potential

[Colleen, Baby Potential]

P.S. For what it's worth, I also attended a Mommy Mixer this week and will be writing a review about that babysitter-finding service (and hosting a giveaway from them) next week on the same blog (Baby Potential).

[Julie]

Well, with a newborn around a mothers helper sitter would be great for taking care of a few things around the house, paying bills, maybe even taking a nap! And as he gets older I'll be going back to work teaching full time, so having an extra day care resource while teaching or someone to watch him so I can catch up on grading would be great. Plus, eventually maybe I'll even be able to go out to dinner with my husband!

[Julie]

IF that last comment doesn't make sense, it's because I wasn't at the website I thought I was. Pregnancy brain for the win!

[pnuts mama]

i just wanted to thank everyone who commented with suggestions- we're hiring someone to help us out and a few things came up that i wouldn't have thought of, so this was perfect. it really opened my eyes to a few different questions i should be asking the folks i interview.

one thing that is important (for me) was being reminded that if it doesn't work out on either side for whatever reason it's ok to back out of the agreement. that both sides being happy will ultimately be the best result for my kids. also that just b/c i am desperate for help right now, i shouldn't settle if something doesn't sit right. sigh. thanks again!

[Halloween]

God, our Creator, has stored within our minds and personalities, great potential strength and ability. Prayer helps us tap and develop these powers.