Q&A: pillow talk

I finally got antibiotics today! Extra-special thanks to the Nurse Practitioner at my doctors' office who actually listened to my symptoms and story and took me seriously, and wrote out the next four steps we'll try if the antibiotics don't knock out this cough that's been exhausting me and keeping me awake for six weeks now. Maye now I can stay awake long enough to actually get some posts up before 10 am...

Molly writes:

"When do kids start using pillows? My super-tall, 2.5-year-old daughter is now in a toddler bed and she looks funny to me without a pillow, though she's sleeping well and seems comfortable. When do people start using pillows? Are there special kid pillows available? Pillows pillows pillows."

In my apartment, kids started using pillows when they asked for them, I think. My oldest one started wanting a pillow right around 2 1/2, and his younger brother had one before then because he saw everyone else with a pillow. I don't have super-soft pillows, and both of my kids were strong and had no problems dealing with blankets at that age.

I don't remember it as being a big deal, but wouldn't have offered up pillows if they hadn't been interested at the time.

Are there any chiropractors out there who could talk about when or if there's a need to use a pillow at a certain age, if ever? And for everyone else, when did your kids start using pillows? Was the transition an issue?

Comments

[Charisse]

We actually got a cute, mini "toddler pillow" for Mouse when she was about 1 1/2 or so. Basically when she started using regular blankets instead of sleep sacks. It was great, fit in her crib and we took it along on trips with her little collapsible toddler bed too, made things more like home. When she got a big girl bed around 2 1/2, she got a regular pillow. Kinda like me, sometimes she sleeps on it, sometimes she sleeps under it.

[Melissa]

My 2.5 year old INSISTED on using one starting about 5-6 months ago because she saw us using them. Pretty much ever night though she ends up in the crack between our beds (we have her twin mattress right up against ours) and I can't tell if its because she wants to get off the pillow or because she actually LIKES it there. She's an odd child. :-D

[Kristine]

When we bought a travel size pillow for Landon to use at his nap at school (it was on the suggested list of items for his cubby), it was a better deal to buy two, so we put the second one in his crib. He was just about 2.

[Shanna]

We gave our twins pillows around 18 months old (I can't remember exactly). At that point our daughter had been bunching up her knit blankie and using it as a pillow for a few months already, so we figured the posture was no worse with an actual pillow...

We bought the toddler pillows that come with the toddler pillowcases from Carousel Bedding (which is where our other crib bedding is from, so it all matches). I'm not sure how good the pillows are, from a chiropractic standpoint, but they are firm-but-not-too-firm, and seem to work well for our stomach-sleepers (now just past their second birthday). Some nights they sleep on them, some nights they sleep next to them, whatever...

[SarcastiCarrie]

I don't always use a pillow. It just depends.
I would say once the SIDS risk is over and your child is strong enough to lift her head off of it if there is a problem, then a pillow is OK if the kid wants one (and if the kid does not want one, I wouldn't give one because we all know people who go to a hotel and can't get comfy because the pillow isn't right...).

[Lemon]

IKEA has awesome tiny toddler pillows for around $5. Seriously, that is five bucks. Our oldest had one around 3 to 3 1/2. His younger 2 - 2 1/2 year old brother wanted one immediately. Our 1 year old has one now. Like all things, I'd hold off for as long as humanly possible... In my mind, a pillow is just another thing to clean if they have some sort of "episode" in their crib/bed. But that's just me.

My children don't actually use a pillow for long b/c they always seem to end up sleeping on their bellies with their butts sticking up in the air. (which I love Love LOVE!!)

[Kate]

My son is 2y10m and I feel like he's had a pillow for a long, long time. We basically co-sleep with him (except for maybe 10p, when we move him to his bed, to 1a, when he comes back), so that might be to blame.

He's been obsessed with them for a long time, though, and fingers the cases (and sucks his thumb) when he's sleepy. I haven't been worried, really, except when he winds up under a pile of 3 or 4 of them, which can happen when he puts himself to sleep for naps. But I unearth him when I check on him--he won't go to sleep by himself at night.

[MamaBird]

I'm always the outlier, really... My pediatrician said it was fine for my very athletic kid at 12 mos, so we gave her one then. We did it when travelling, in the pack-and-play, because she hated the pack-and-play, and we thought that might help. She liked it so much, we kept it at home. Just a regular, full-sized one. Now it's totally her lovey. She sleeps with it under most of her body, sort of humped up over it.

[Michelle]

My daughter is two and started using one of her stuffed animals (the large-ish stuffed crab from Ikea) as a pillow around 18 months. What could I do? If she sleeps with us now she wants the crab or our pillow and there is no issue for me, so I don't see a problem with it.

[Jill]

Mine has had a pillow since he was about 1. I was trying anything and everythign to get him to f'ing sleep. :)

Now (he's 2), he has 2 pillows, a blanket and about 6 animals in there. And he's a great sleeper. FINALLY. :)

[Jill in Atlanta]

I gave my kids the pillows I'd brought home from the hospital after giving birth. I'd used them for breastfeeding and then tucked them away, but they were really flat and seemed perfect for kids. I think they still use them in fact.

[Shelley]

Seconding (thirding?) the IKEA toddler pillow recommendation.... but IKEA ain't everywhere, and that may belong to the class of stuff they're not willing to ship. It's sort of the same size as an airplane pillow, but perhaps a little flatter. We also gave it to her when she asked for it.

SarcastiCarrie -- I *am* that person who takes their own pillow everywhere... ;) I know, it's ridiculous, but there it is.

[Cecily T]

Thanks! Timely post, as always; we were just debating this for V the other night, as she's about to turn 19 months old, and in the summer/fall we'll be thinking of moving her to a new room and big girl bed to (hopefully) make room for baby #2. We were talking about what things might make it easier to transition; and she's not really attached to much yet in terms of lovies (unless her sippy cup counts!).

[Kara]

I gave DS a pillow at age three, when he went from crib to the big kid bed. He loved the bed, but he didn't care for the pillow and didn't use it.

A few months later he fell in love with a minipillow from Kohl's he'd seen. We purchased it for him and that's all it took. In hindsight, the idea of giving kids a pillow when they ask for it makes perfect sense.

[Alisha]

My son started sleeping in his "big boy bed" a month ago at 22 months and I just bought him a pillow then. I figured since he wasn't suffocating himself with the blankets it seemed safe.

[Carmen]

My kid started with a pillow at 23 months, when he started sleeping in a twin bed. I had a very flat body pillow from when I was pregnant that he uses - it's the entire width of the bed.

[MemeGRL]

Mine both started with pillows when they had colds around age 2. They both liked them and they just stuck with them after that. My three year old is still in his crib but has a pillow in there with him.
Both pillows are flat and synthetic, though, as I am the most paranoid mom in the universe.

[Mary]

At the risk of angering the parenting gods, I'll admit that my 18 month old has had a pillow in his crib since he started sleeping in there regularly at about 8 months (we coslept before then). I'm with the other poster in that we tried it, it worked, so it stayed. He's battled ear infections since about 9 months, and the pillow helps keep him upright. It's a standard sized pillow, but has been flattened by use so it's not super puffy. I made him a smaaller one for daycare but it was too firm and he wouldn't use it. I'll have to look for the Ikea one the next time I'm there.

[Laura]

Like Mary and MemeGRL, my kid started using a pillow in his crib when he had a cold (at about 14 months). I wanted to keep his head a bit elevated to ease congestion. I just put one of our full-sized bed pillows into the crib. He immediately cuddled his face into it and was clearly delighted - he loves to rub his face on anything soft. So I left it there. Technically I guess we are still within the SIDS window, but given that he can lift things bigger than he is above his head, and climb over fences, I think he is pretty safe with the pillow. Knock wood.

[Lucy]

Our 3-year old doesn't have a pillow. It's just never occurred to me to get him one. Since he has about 20 stuffed animals in his little toddler bed I'm not sure there's even room for one!

And, Moxie, I really hope that the medicine works.

[TodayWendy]

Mamabird, my daughter is exactly the same. Started using a pillow around 1 year old, and now (at almost 2.5) still sleeps with most of her body on the pillow.

[Pippi]

Not quite on topic, but...coughing badly for 6 weeks? Did they check you out for whooping cough? My friend had it and it took ages to diagnose because doctors don't expect to see it. Whatever it is, get well soon!

As for pillows, my 15mo daughter occasionally shares mine (we co-sleep some of the night) but is also happy without it. If your daughter is comfortable without it I wouldn't worry.

[fiona]

I gave my daughter a pillow at around 22 months of age. My mom suggested to "anchor her" at the "right" end of the crib. She was a very restless sleeper and it worked. She slept a little more soundly and every morning since she's in roughly the same position, still (mostly) covered by her sheet/blanket. I bought her a toddler pillow. One that was quite thin and also fine for tummy sleepers just in case she snuggled deeply into it.

[Carabeth]

@ Lemon, Mine sleeps that way too!, he seems to be growing out of it, but it's the cutest thing.

I can't remember how or when my kids started using pillows (regular fullsized ones, I never thought about getting todddler oillows) but my son has only just started using his, before he would either sleep on top of it, or lengthwise beside it.

[Quadelle]

We gave our daughter a pillow when she moved to a bed (to make way for the new baby) when she was 20 months, which was 6 months ago. Her use varies from having just her head on it, to having her upper half on it, to lying next to it (across the bed) to not being remotely near it. She's been known to do all of these positions in one night. Oh, and she will night wake in any of those positions, too.

[pennifer]

At 14.5 mos, Mr G doesn't use a pillow. Heck, I can't get him to sleep under a blanket, he moves around so much.

In order to keep him warm at night, we have to dress him in a fleece sleeper and a onsie and socks (under his sleeper) and crank up the space heater. $$$

Sleeping through the night by any means necessary...

[akeeyu]

After I saw Millbarge sleeping on a pillow (and under a blanket, no less) on Sam's bed, I realized I was worrying too much about the bedding issue for Fitz-Hume. Fitz-Hume now spends half the night in her sad little bare crib, and the other half in my bed, her wee noggin on a regular pillow next to my pillow, which is the cutest thing ever.

They're a year old.

[Shandra]

We got the Ikea one around 15 months, but then we started co-sleeping around 18 months and he uses our pillows. I guess we were early!

Seconding the whooping cough... I actually have whooping cough right now and it is lousy.

[Jojo]

I'm not sure when or why the pillow ended up in beans crib, but I'm guessing it was around 2 years. We started with a worn out flat one, but it didn't survive a night of upset stomach. He know has a full sized pillow (2.75) and uses it in many ways. The cutest is when he curls up on it and sleeps on top of it, sideways in the crib.

[Clare]

My 18 month old has had a pillow for three or four months now. I put one in out of desperation one night when he was congested, and he loves it. He sleeps so much better with one, and I had to dig one up at my mom's house for him because he was up half the night fussing. I don't use blankets, though; more often than not he winds up with his feet on his pillow and I'm afraid he'd get too tangled in a blanket and suffocate. He's a very restless sleeper; we can't co-sleep because he's thrashed himself off (or almost off) the bed too many times.

[toomuchstrong]

Mine started using it around 18 or so months only because I remembered that she had one she was given as a baby. We also use a quilted comforter that she seems to stay under every night. BTW:I think that the pillow should not be stuffed with feather in case your kid is allergic.

[Catherine]

I'm so glad you posted this question now, as we have been wondering about whether to get a pillow for our 17-month-old. He has several baby blankets in his crib (added only after he passed 12 months) and will often bunch one or two of them up and rest his head on that. That seems to be working just fine for him right now, and he's sleeping great (KNOCK WOOD) so I think we'll just wait and see what happens. And maybe look for a small travel pillow to have on hand should he ever ask for one.

Maybe J is just a really active sleeper, but those of you who've used a pillow to ease a congested kid's sleep: how do you get them to a) put their heads on it and b) keep them there? J is literally all over his crib at night, so we've never tried to get him to sleep in the "right" direction or under blankets, etc. Again, since it doesn't seem to bother him, and he doesn't seem to be cold at night, we figure why mess with something that's working?

Also, thank you to the PP who mentioned that IKEA isn't everywhere. I live more than an hour from the nearest IKEA, Costco, Trader Joe's, and Whole Foods and it drives me bananas when folks just toss off, "oh, hey, just pick up an X at Costco" or whatever.

[Danielle]

I hadn't even thought about this. My son is 15 months now and does not have a pillow, but I've noticed that he uses his stuffed doggy as a pillow a lot of nights. He puts him under his head. I guess I'll give him a real pillow when he asks me for one.

[Jen]

Any tips generally for making the bed transition, as we'll be doing this in the next few months? We are skipping the toddler bed and going straight to big girl bed.

Also, the face down, butt in the air sleeping is one of the most precious sights to behold. I will sometimes sit with our video monitor just watching her sleep that way (though she is doing it less as she gets older). Always makes me smile.

[jen @ negative lane]

Wow. Now I feel negligent. The Monkeyboy still doesn't sleep with a pillow at over 3 years old. He's never asked for one and it's never occurred to me to give him one, probably since he refuses to sleep in a bed and he doesn't have much room left in his crib.

I have to admit, though, that two days ago when I went to check on him before I went to bed he was using his Uglydoll as a pillow. It's the first time it occurred to me that he might want one.

[Catherine]

Oh yes, that bottom-in-the-air sleeping position is the cutest thing ever. I always sneak into J's room to say good night before I go to bed, and if he's sleeping that way, I just melt. I wish I had the proper photographic equipment to capture it on film without waking him.

OTOH, I have a photo of me sleeping that way at the age of about 2 months (back in the days before Back To Sleep), and seeing it when J was a baby freaked me right out.

[caramama]

As with most sleeping things and physical things, we are on the early side. I put a full-sized pillow in the Pumpkin's crib when she was somewhere between 12 months and 18 months, probably closer to 12 months. When I'd lay her down, I would put her mid-back or shoulders on it, so that she was propped up.

I can't remember exactly why, but it was either because she was sick and stuffy or it was another thing we tried to help her actually sleep!

We moved her to the twin bed at 18 or 19 months, and she continues to use the pillows.

Now, at 23 months, she often lays most of her body on the pillow. She sleeps on her stomach, and her butt would be in the air but it's pretty much level with the rest of her body on the pillow.

[caramama]

Oh, and the transitions to using pillows and to the big girl bed were both easy for us (unlike soooo many other things, like actually getting her to sleep). But we did a lot of cosleeping with her, so it wasn't that new for her.

[hedra]

My kids all have pillows, but they don't all use them. Most of the time the younger three are found sleeping off the pillow. The eldest does use a pillow.

I think we followed the general rule here - when they started asking for one, they got one. That is self-limiting for age, since they won't tend to be able to ask (or think to ask) until a certain age anyway.

Hmm. I think we had a pillow for Mr G much earlier than the others, though, because I got one as a gift (hand-made) - but he used it as a lovie, not a pillow. They all wanted adult-sized pillows when they asked for them.

[Amy M]

We offered one around 20 months. DD was waking overnight around 3/4am for some reason that we couldn't (and still can't determine) and insisted on sleeping in our bed for the rest of the night. After 10 days straight we tried a few changes to bedtime routine and her crib, including giving her a pillow in her bed, in hopes that it would keep her there all night.

She's now 2 yo and back to only waking 1-2 times a week. We have no idea if the pillow helped, but it didn't seem to hurt!

[r+k+mama]

We gave Rowan a full sized pillow when she moved to her toddler bed at 25 months, for no other reason than that I loved the case that came with her bedding. She liked using it, but she favors the belly-side-butt-in-the-air position* as well so she doesn't use it all the time (almost 3.5).
Keaton's 14 months now and I was just thinking about this a couple of days ago but since he's sleeping well I'm not gonna give him another thing he can throw over the side of his crib and say "uh-oh" with.
*I have 7,964 photos of my kids in this position and each one melts me. So cute!

[heather]

My 2-year-old has been in her "big bed" for just over a month now. She has a blanket across her bed that she likes to bury her head in. There's a pillow on her bed that my husband or I use when we lie down with her at bedtime. Only recently has she shown any interest in putting her head on the pillow during bedtime stories. As soon as she's asleep, she leaves the pillow and snuggles her head under the blanket!

Jen -- we too went from crib to "big bed" (really just a twin mattress on the floor). We picked a long weekend, when both my husband & I were at home, and after breakfast we moved the crib out of her room and put the big bed in it. We made a big deal over getting the bed ready for sleep. Several times that day she ran upstairs to look at her big bed. Then when bedtime came we did the usual bedtime routine except instead of putting her in the crib, I laid down with her on the bed until she was asleep. For the first 3 nights she was up once or twice. It helped that I left a nightlight on so the house wasn't super-dark. I think it also helped that for about a week before the transition, we read several books about big beds ("Your own big bed" by Rita M. Bergstein was our favorite). The transition wasn't nearly as traumatic as I expected! Good luck.

[meggiemoo]

We gave our 3-year-old a adult-sized down pillow (so it squashes pretty flat...I hate synthetic pillows...my own prejudice) when we moved him to a twin mattress on the floor (skipped the toddler bed--seemed a waste of money).

He's a rotten sleeper, so I made his "nest" as comfy as possible...tempurpedic-type mattress, flannel sheets, down pillow, down comforter. It's similar to our bed, which he loves. He now prefers his bed to ours, which I never thought I'd see!

For me, sleeping without a pillow is really uncomfortable, so I assumed he'd want one, too.

Speaking of which, has anyone ever tried sleeping on a crib mattress? We were at my sister's and I had been kicked out of the bed by my husband and squirmy toddler, so I took his crib mattress out and put it on the floor, thinking I could curl up on it. That thing was hard as a rock! Made me feel terrible that he'd slept on it at her house as much as he had. I get why they're firm, but seriously...they suck. Pack and plays, too.

I'm going to look into other alternatives for baby #2.

[Charisse]

Oh, we also "skipped" the toddler bed--marketing is amazing, isn't it? I never heard of a toddler bed before I had a child, and certainly no one had one when we were kids.

Anyway...the lady at the furniture store gave us great advice: get the big-kid mattress first, while you're waiting for the bed you ordered to arrive. We were a little worried because the bed we got is pretty high--it's a captain's bed with storage drawers, very useful in a San Francisco flat--but it seemed like a lot for a 2 1/2 who was used to a crib. Sure enough, though, Mouse quickly learned how to not fall off the mattress when it was on the floor (and she LOOOOOVED it from the moment she got it--I would post the video link except it has her actual name in it) and never had a problem once we got the high bed. We didn't bother with rails--I just tucked her blanket under the mattress on the side facing out for a while.

@meggiemoo, they're awful! although kids are much lighter than we are...but most waterproof mattress pads are also horrible--crinkly, lumpy, etc. One of the least productive ways I ever saved money was by not buying the fancy waterproof pads from Garnet Hill. We ended up wrapping an extra quilt over the crib mattress to keep the pad from waking Mouse up multiple times a night. When we got the big bed, we sprang for the plush ones and considering that was where we did night training, it was well worth it.

[Emily]

Mine started at naptime t 20 months because it was on the list for daycare. He doesn't really use one at home - except that he has this bean-bag-like chair in the shape of a puppy (cannot find a picture to post) and he starts out wiht his head on that. Later, he just burrows down next to it.

[Ginevra]

We got a little Ikea kids pillow at about age 2 1/4, but in only a few months the stuffing has gotten kind of clumped up and weird. (I've had to wash it a few times thanks to pee accidents.) So I don't think it's a big difference from no pillow. But it looks cute and gives him a sort of focal point for where to put his head.

In other news...as a disciple of my goddess-like massage therapist, I feel compelled to point out that she told me kids who sleep on their stomachs (well, adults too, of course) are messing up their necks from twisting their heads to the side so they can breathe. I agree that butt-in-the-air sleeping is super-cute and that we all want our kids to sleep well whatever it takes--but. You might want to think about transitioning them (when they are old enough to understand the concept) to sleeping on their backs/sides and explain that it's better for their necks to be straighter. FWIW.

[Slim]

They got pillows when they asked for them. None of them have ever complained about a sore neck.

I cannot imagine telling a child how to sleep, as long as s/he *is* sleeping. Luckily, I don't have a massage therapist or chiropractor, so we can just do what works. There's a stress-reducer and money-saver, right there.

[paola]

@ginevra

That is the main cause of neck/shoulder pain here. If I can't fall asleep on my side, I resort to the tummy and I invariably wake up with a crick in my neck. I have only recently put two and two together on that one.

Dd (25 months)now sleeps without a pillow (which she used for about a week at around 22 months)due to the fact that it contributed to her falling out of bed on a number of occasions. She's a wriggler too and tends to position herself perpendicular to how I put her to bed. With the pillow there, she got a boost up and ended up on the floor. Now we have a side-board/barrier thingo ( not sure what the real word for it is)and that has curbed her falls ( and wandering around in the dark inthe middle of the night).

[libbyllama]

Another magical Moxie post. I was just wondering about a pillow for Peanut last night! I like the idea of waiting until he asks for one. You make great sense, as usual. Thanks again!!

[Meika]

My first thought was whooping cough, too, Moxie! I'd just heard recently that it's one of the top reasons for lingering coughs in adults, especially when you have occasionally crazy coughing fits but feel otherwise fine. When I heard that I started wondering if that's what my problem with when I had a horrible cough a few years ago...I had to keep leaving the front desk where I worked and hiding in the staff lounge while I waited for the fit to pass. And where did I work? At a hospital, in the ICU, surrounded by immunocompromised people. Nice.