PMS: Friend or Enemy?

Sorry, the title was just a little Ames & Ilg joke for those of us with both PMS *and* a 3 1/2-year-old right now...

Anyway, I was wondering if we could talk about PMS. I get it, but don't have mood swings. Instead, I get really clumsy. Yesterday I stubbed my toe on the oven and slammed my anklebone into the wall in the space of 3 minutes (all before 7 am), and the rest of the day continued that way. Years ago when I was working in a professional kitchen I cut myself with a knife 11 times in one 14-hour shift. My mom used to get clumsy PMS, too, but I haven't heard of this happening to anyone else.

It makes me wonder if there are different forms of PMS that we just haven't heard or thought of before.

Would you guys be willing to share what happens to you before you get your menstrual period, and if there's anything you've done that lessens whatever symptoms you have?

Comments

[Jan]

I've heard the "social construct" theory, too, but it sure seems real to me.

I feel like I'm just generally less able. I don't notice clumsy physically, but I feel clumsy mentally often. I tend toward migraines then, too, and despondency.

I've always said it would make an interesting dissertation topic for somebody ...

[Joceline]

I start to doubt everything I believe about life, God, people in my family loving me, etc. I always start to think I'm crazy and forget that my period will probably be showing up soon.

[Charisse]

@MrsHaley, that was me too--3 months, with a kid on boob at least 8-9 hours/day. Hugs to you.

In general: I get a couple of zits, I feel heavy heavy heavy and oafish and it's really hard not to be mean to my family. A small amount of B6 in addition to my multivitamin seems to help a whole lot with the mood part, but not so much with the heavy/oafish bit.

[Sharon aka Mommie Mentor]

No time to read, sorry if this was already suggested.
All I can say is Primrose Oil. I had horrible PMS for 20 years. It ranged from fever and vomiting before I had kids to a much milder form after kids. My Dr. suggested Primrose Oil, found at any health food store, and it works wonders. The symptoms subside almost immediately, about 1-3 hours after taking it. If it's a bad month and I begin to feel cranky etc. again after one dose then I take another dose. I'm not a person who takes as much as they recommend and it still works. Can you tell I highly recommend it!?

[becky]

my skin breaks out and then clears up, my ibs acts up and i bloat like mad and become convinced that i am going to keep gaining weight forever. i also decide that i am never going to be cute again and my marriage is failing.
and then i start my period and realize everything is ok. i am pretty much a stereotypical pms-er i think.
the only thing that has been helping is probiotics and fish oil. and loads of rest, although i usually find myself attempting to dress up and go out with the girls at the height of it just to prove that i can be fun and cute, and then i drink too much and wake up in the morning bleeding with a hangover and vow to figure it out next time and treat myself to tea and movies instead of liquor, beer and wine.

[hush]

@Jan, just to be clear, "PMS social construct theory" does not assert that women's experiences aren't "real." I believe that Western women do in fact experience all of these painful, scary, awful things (& even worse) just as everyone here has shared. Yet, I also believe the PMS construct has been used against women: to keep women out of the workforce, to line the pockets of pharmaceutical companies, to reinforce the vaunted inferiority of women. It also serves a social function as an acceptable place for us put both our negative emotions, and our unique, unexplained health concerns that society doesn't really take seriously.

FWIW, when I got my first period at age 14, while away at summer camp, I wasn't able tell my mom right away. I had approximately 6 periods before she discovered I had started menstruating. She then sat me down and told me how I would probably experience really bad leg pain every time I got my period, because she always does. Lo and behold, my next cycle I experienced leg pain! (Can you say "power of suggestion?" ;)) So that experience has colored my view of things. I experience acne, cramps, bloating, moodiness, etc, from time to time too, but once I methodically charted it and really examined exactly when it was happening, I found that it absolutely does not occur on any particular "pre-menstrual" timeline, but instead it happens while I am actually menstruating. Symptoms get worse for me with times of sadness, stress, poor eating habits, too much caffeine, not enough water, not enough Omega-3's, etc.

Yes, I agree that more research (& dissertations) need to be done! Again, I do not wish to make light of or to dismiss what anyone else might experience. Nor do I assume that my own experience is any more "correct" than anyone else's. I'm just saying let's really pay attention to our bodies, and don't assume it's "just PMS" and we're powerless over it.

[Fiona]

I get the rage thing, and pimples. But the most telling symptom is that I take a nap and it becomes the deepest sleep ever. I wake up feeling drugged, and if left alone will "nap" for 4-5 hours. My period always comes the next day.

It's challenging when I'm on baby duty (my partner and I swap days) and I need a break much longer than any of my son's naps.

[Cecily T]

I'm just coming off my 5th or 6th period since V was born. Thankfully, our breastfeeding kept it away until about 10 months.

The clumsiness thing makes sense to me, both from hedra's point about our bodies maybe not being the usual size and shape, as well as something I thought I heard about hormones making your ligaments looser. I'll have to pay more attention to that myself; I just whacked my head on the corner of a table while petting my dog the other day, which is not usually like me.

My biggest complaint these days is that my cramps got worse, not better as most people said they would, after having V. I'm hoping that when we have our 2nd, they will improve. I went from one bad day of cramps to four days; I need constant advil to keep them under control.

Also, I have the short fuse during PMS; I just wake up feeling irritated about everything, and often my very first thought in the morning is 'God, I need a break already'...it's no picnic.

Another thing that's new since I gave birth is the massive, ridiculous bloating that I get each month. I gain like 3-4 lbs; and every time I'm convinced I just gained a bunch of weight; only to drop back down at the end of my period. It's so bad that even my clothes feel tight.

[lucy]

Happy New Year everyone and thanks for the post, Moxie.

I get really angry, frustrated and overwhelmed.

It's an issue with my husband and I, as he often bears the brunt of it. On the one hand I do see that me shouting at him is not a respectful or loving way of communicating my frustrations. On the other hand, I do think that the concerns that I bring up monthly - me hating the clutter and untidiness in the house - are legitimate. It's just that I swallow my frustration for the rest of the month.

He tries to remind me that it's PMS, but that just makes me feel that he's ignoring my complaints.

Anyone have a more positive way of getting through the PMS days with a partner?

I love the idea of treating it as a reminder to take care of myself more. Thanks for that suggestion.

[lwh]

I think my PMS is definitely worse since having my daughter almost two years ago. Luckily EBFing kept my period away for a little over a year. Symptoms include major fatigue (like I can barely stay awake until 8pm) the day before it starts and major anger/mood swings about a week before it starts.

Just checked KellyMom, and Evening Primrose Oil is thought to be safe during BFing, so I think I'll try that this coming month. Thanks for the suggestion.

[Jules]

I too get very clumsy with PMS and like a few others commented, I get angry in spurts but it dissipates quickly. I also feel the compulsive need to clean and organize EVERYTHING. Which is great b/c I have the energy to do everything in a day or two, rather than doing a little bit each day.

In some ways, I feel bipolar for a few days. Though, my PMS is different now after having a baby. Symptoms are similar, but they come at different times in the cycle, if that makes any sense.

[lucy]

I used to get it bad
migraines, mood swings, black thoughts, depression, clumsiness, cystitis, diarrhea, sore breasts, bloating.

Evening Primrose Oil, everyday

never had it again. Its also great for your skin, and for fertility!

[Jen]

I get a little morose and the usual bad skin breakouts. Another weird thing I've noticed the last few years is that I get much hungrier before my period. And it's not just junk food (though I certainly eat some of that). My body really needs more food, and if I don't eat enough I get tired, listless, etc. Even on the months where I've lost track of when my period is coming, if I start feeling ravenous all the time I know it's coming!

[Pronoia]

When I'm PMSy I can't hold on to keys or credit cards to save my life, and I invariably twist my ankle. It's so annoying.

I also get pessimistic, angry, miserable, and bitchy.

Worse? So does my wife. Luckily we aren't entirely synced, but when we are, oh heaven help our household.

[kristen]

I cried (and didn't stop for a year)when my period came back 4 months postpartum, after exclusive, constant, breastfeeding. I have been on an emotional roller coaster since the birth of my son, he just turned 3, sheesh.
Maybe I have always had really nasty PMS but it didn't become unmanageable until I was responsible for another life.
Irrational, clumsy, flashes of insane anger, general gloom and doom are all part of my PMS.
I am usually trying to leave my husband or move across the country and then I check the calendar and try to postpone any life changing events until after I finish bleeding.

[Cloud]

@Cecily T- are you still on the mini-pill they give nursing moms? That exacerbated my symptoms. I was thinking it was the lack of the "full" pill that I used to take, but I recently went off the pill altogether and my symptoms are back to my usual pre-baby ones.

[Kay]

I get raging angry. I mean psycho angry. I don't leave the house for 36-48 hours before my period starts because I am VERY afraid that I will ram my truck into some dumb-ass driver and then get out of my truck to beat them up. Sounds like I am exaggerating, but I'm not. It's scary. This has been going on for 3 months now. (My first 3 periods since I had my son). Before him, I didn't even notice if it was that time of the month. I would breeze through it - NOTHING would change. Now though, I'm almost afraid of myself. My son hides, my dog lives with her ears down and tail between her legs and my husband doesn't dare to talk to me. I yell, make that scream, a lot. I'm at a loss of what do do. I think my hormones are just trying to find their groove again (?).

[Di]

And here I thought I was the only one - migraines, nausea, clumsy, dark thoughts, bad skin, oily hair, impatience, especially with the Small Girl.

[Num Num]

Moxie, I would actually bet that clumsy PMS is related to bloating and how clumsy your body becomes when it's bloated.

[Allison]

Exhaustion, huge appetite, and my skin breaks out a bit. The weirdest thing I get is not really _P_ MS but happens in the first day or so of my period - I get cramps in the usual places, but I also get cramps in my external pelvic muscles and sometimes even in my legs. You know, like, inner thighs and that whole area. It's really annoying but more uncomfortable than painful.

I've had irregular periods most of my life so I never knew when it was coming and didn't make the linkages between being hungry & tired and being premenstrual. Now I usually can sort it out but still I sometimes forget like others have mentioned.

[Andrea]

I'm part of the postpartum period WTF? crowd. My son is 4 months old, and I've had three periods. They're heavy, crampy, I get migraines, and I get the most awful, blackest, most terrible depression. Almost psychotic. Oh, my poor husband. Also - insomnia. This never happened prior to my son's birth. :(

[Alice]

I thought I was the only one who got clumsy PMS! I didn't even really call it PMS, just 'period must be coming'. Wow, that makes me feel much less of a freak. I am always dropping things, banging my head, stubbing my toe and ankle bones (oh and elbows). Plus I tend to lose stuff too.

[hush]

@Kay & Andrea - I'm really concerned for both of you who are experiencing such dark, scary feelings postpartum.

I don't mean to be alarmist, but what you've described doesn't sound like "just PMS." If you're tired of living this way, I urge you to make appointments to find out what is really causing you to feel this way. You have my best wishes for brighter days.

[marsupial jones]

Another quick thought:

While I agree with hush that PMS can be socially constructed sort of, I think it's important to acknowledge the very real emotional pain we are all describing. That half the human population may feel this much anxiety/depression/anger is sort of sad.

There are medications that are helpful including Zoloft. Zoloft also has a good profile for breastfeeding because very little crosses into the milk. And you don't have to take it all month for it to work. Just a thought.

[Marie]

A friend of mine claims that the week or so before her period she loses words. Just can't ever find the word she's looking for. Then Poof! it disappears after her period starts.

[marsupial jones]

sorry bout that--my computer didn't refresh all the comments or something.

I want to reiterate what hush said, too, that she is worried about Kay. I agree. Please get some help, see a therapist. People can have very scary and very real symptoms during PMS that are psychotic. AND post-partum depression can manifest that way too. Please see a psychiatrist or therapist if you feel that dark. You deserve to feel better and there are treatments for these feelings!!!

[Schwa de Vivre]

Yes, yes, and yes to pretty much all of the symptoms people have mentioned. Before I was pregnant, I took a boatload of supplements for migraines which were linked to my cycle (every other weekend lost to migraines -- ugh). Magnesium, flax, B vitamins, Evening Primrose Oil, vitamin E and feverfew, and then I threw in a multivitamin and one or two others for some balance. I practically glowed in the dark, but it took that much to keep me feeling okay.

After a while, the PMS itself got out of control, and I decided to do something about it when I started experiencing flashes of rage. Just a few minutes, but seriously intense and out of control. So I started taking a lot of B6 and some vitex (also called chasteberry; balances hormones), and these helped a lot, though the massive amounts of B6 probably caused me a lot of grief getting my supply started.

These days, I take nothing except a little fish or flax oil. I'm still breastfeeding my 1yo and I have a Mirena IUD. I don't really get a period, but just some really scaled back PMS.

Anyway, the vitex and B6 were awesome at the time, though I'd be cautious with both. The feverfew, for migraines, was pretty much the difference between my being an invalid and being a functional human being for about ten years. It's not good to take when you're pregnant, though, and it's got to be standardized for parthenolide in order to actually work.

If/when my period returns, I'm starting with exercise this time.

Oh, and the Mirena: some people say it kills their sex drive. I haven't so much had this problem.

[Eva]

I asked my husband: "cranky, sad, upset, and angry." Yep.

And anxious to get to the junk food I only eat during my period. I pick one salty and one sweet.

[Lindz]

I'll second the mental clumsiness and word losing. I almost called it lack of concentration, but it's more lack of focus. If I have only a few tasks, they get done like normal. If I have a long list, I can't choose a starting point, cant stick with one until it's done, and end up completely frazzled.

[anna]

Very Short Fuse. And I want to drink gallons of Coke. And I usually don't drink soda.

[Mella]

I thought I was the only one with the PMS clumsiness! It's very noticeable. Yesterday I broke something of great sentimental value because I was stupidly dusting everything (another side effect - the need to clean - how can I win when my symptoms collude against me?)

I also notice that I'm quite volatile and can be rather depressed and angry.

I would LOVE to be sequestered somewhere during my period (preferrably somewhere quiet, with lots of running water, and food brought at regular, frequent intervals. I'd quite happily be isolated or banished from the rest of society or whatever term the rest of the world needs to use as long as they get the hell away from me!

Failing that, the evening primrose sounds like a great way to go. I find that running (already suggested) is a great release for some of that pent up can't-stand-being-in-my-own skin kind of anxiety. Also I find it's kind of good to use the energy where I can, channel the anger into work related things.

I've struggled a bit in terms of dealing with a toddler and PMS but I've found that doing physical activities with my two-year-old like running mindlessly around the backyard or going up and down the slide at the park a hundred times rather than anything which requires concentration and negotiation (like painting or reading or making dates that involve any kind of major effort). We even engage in a bit of a Sesame Street marathon where he gets to watch some favourite old episodes of mine on YouTube. Basically, we both get to have fun and I get to act like a kid. (And I forgot to mention ice cream for both of us; that really, really helps.)

[Amy E.]

I definitely get PMS. I have general irritability and REALLY painful breasts about a week before I start. Then the day before, I'm a total nightmare. Cranky, bitchy, usually having a sobfest at least once before the day is over. I basically retreat into a warm bath and just stay there all day.

[MilkofMomnesia]

This is my first comment on Ask Moxie... love this site! So refreshing to have a parenting site that's helpful AND not trying to jam a particular parenting strategy down your throat.

As a couple people have mentioned above, maybe the clumsiness is related to water retention. I've read that's why the pregnancy "dropsies" occur, because it's harder to manuever a bloated body.

I get some anger and fatigue before my period, but often the first couple days of the actual period are worse-- with strong cramps that radiate to my lower back, fatigue, thirst, cravings. Sometimes I'll get headaches later on into the period, too.

[AmyinMotown]

I just realized something--I actually did not have to deal with PMS and a three and a half year old! Thanks Mother Nature! Instead I dealt with sleep deprivation, but still.

[dulcian]

For me, the following symptoms start shortly after ovulation and ramp up in intensity until the 3rd day of my cycle: skin freaks out, temper and attention span get shorter, coping skills disappear, IBS-like symptoms appear, I tend to cry/despair more easily, breasts get sore.

I don't get noticeably more clumsy, but my dreams get more and more intense and upsetting. Happy dreams seem to show up only when I'm not PMS-ing or heavily menstruating.

[HW]

Acupuncture! It has really improved my mood, memory, and general week of hell during the time before my period. I used to take Zoloft for 10 days each month (it's an actual treatment for PMDD - premenstrual dysphoric disorder) but this comes without the side effects. Can't recommend it highly enough:)

Thanks for the post, Moxie! Great subject.

[Niki]

Oh, God! Thank you for posting this! I just finished the worst clumsy-PMS episode in ages. I was on the Pill for so long, I forgot what PMS did to me. I remembered the cramping, but forgot about the falling down, cutting myself, dropping everything, running into doorways and etc. I actually returned home in the middle of running errands because I was terrified I might cause an accident. When I tell people PMS make me spacey and prone to misjudging the location of my extremities, they tend to look at me funny. How lovely to learn I am not alone.

[mel]

Oh yeah, I am in the throes of this right now. I am super sound-sensitive, like the Bionic Woman, you know, with my big, bionic ear hanging out picking up EVERYTHING. Definately everyone's chewing and breathing makes me nuts. Repeatedly requesting folks to turn down TVs and radios. I normally blame this sound thing on aging, but as I am waiting for Aunt Flo to arrive any minute now, I can reassure myself it aint just that Darn Rock Music!!!

[Quadelle]

For the longest time I refused to consider that I may experience PMS (I had several reasons for living in denial). However, despite my resistance I noticed some trends, particularly about breakouts and being likely to cry over soppy things. Sometimes I would actually be extra productive before a period - I had oodles of energy and the biggest drive to get things done.

Then we did IVF/ICSI, and with all those extra hormones coursing through my body I turned into the biggest sop. I could not bear to listen to the news or even catch a glimpse of an old person struggling without bursting into tears. But I would also have extra energy and drive.

These days I'm a big believer that the more we know about ourselves the better equipped we are to manage. Since I've spent the last three years pregnant or breastfeeding I've not had many periods to track, but I hope to be observing things more closely when they come back again. For instance, I definitely used to have times where I would be constantly clipping things, but I had never thought to examine whether this happened in sync with my cycle.

[Becca]

I am sick from at or before ovulation through my period. This includes:
-spaciness
-forgetfulness
-lack of ability to stay on task/organized
-severe fatigue
-bloating- up to 5 pounds or more
-painful breasts (2 bras folks)
-can include migraines
-digestive difficulty
-sore muscles
-triggering pain in joints, swelling
-moodiness
-hypervigilance
-cravings
-unbearable cramps during period
-mid-cycle insomnia
Basically it can feel like having the flu for 2+ weeks each cycle.

but wait, it's much better right now, while still breastfeeding my 14 month-old.
I take (compounded, prescription) progesterone from day 10 or 12 through day 28. It has helped a lot. I did restart as soon as I got my first pp period- because some symptoms returned. That period was at 9 weeks pp despite exclusive breastfeeding.
hopefully it is permanently a bit better but who knows. I take calcium, magnesium, but am unsure how much it helps. I've tried it all folks, and I think all the "avoid caffeine and red meat" crap is just that- a load of crap and I have never seen real significant research that backs this sort of advice up; I think it just adds extra stress to be honest.

And for the person who was fearmongering abou perimenopause: in my family, where pms is awful (but mine is the worst) menopause = relief. It comes late but symptoms seem to include simply a lack of hideous pms.

[Oana]

Clumsiness + grumpiness. Ohhhh I get grumpy.

[lil]

Wow! Had never linked clumsiness to PMS...in the last 2 days I have bumped the front of my head on the bedside table, bumped the side of my head on the door, stubbed my toe and nearly tripped over the footpath...will have to see if the same sort of things happen next month!

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[some suggestions]

I know this post is kind of old, but I appreciate everyone's input, as I am pretty sure I am currently experiencing some major pms. A couple of these posts got me on the verge of tears. My migraines are what seems to make me clumsy and forgetful. I can't finish sentences, and I give up easily. The one good thing about migraines (which are seriously hell on earth, the only thing that's ever made me feel suicidal) is that they keep me so incapacitated that I don't get irritable. Just desperate for relief. I believe a lot of my pms is caused by years of birth control, but I have no way of knowing that. I know that when I am feeling really bad, I crave roast beef sandwiches, and I suspect it is because of the amount of hormones naturally present in cows. I was a vegan for awhile and I can tell a huge hormonal spike when I eat red meat and dairy products. My PMS got to where I knew what it meant and what was causing it after my first child, and unfortunately, because it has gotten so much worse. I have some herbal remedies that help if I vary them a lot. Cramp bark is great, Chamomile, Astragulus, Vitex, Passionflower (anxiety must have), Pasque flower (hard to find, but good specifically for more severe upset) together make a good tincture, and I take Magnesium and Calcium when I get a migraine or when I suck and drink caffeine and it helps a lot. I will also take an aspirin with my coffee. I can't drink caffeine otherwise. Also I crave vitamins and anti-inflamatories. The cramp bark seems to help with the pain I get in my ovaries (which I don't think is necessarily PMS, but sounds like a common complaint).

[depression and hormone imbalance]

A great variety of symptoms have been attributed to PMS. Women can have PMS of varying duration and severity from cycle to cycle. The most frequent mood-related symptoms of PMS include:

* anger and irritability,

* anxiety,

* tension,

* depression,

* crying,

* oversensitivity, and

* exaggerated mood swings.

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