Q&A: End-of-year gifts for teachers, daycare providers, et al.

This is another one we talk about every year. Last year I made the mistake of rolling it in with a discussion about Santa, so when you read last year's post you'll have to wade through lots of (interesting, but off-topic) Santa-talk.

The stand-out comment from last year's thread was when a teacher said:

One parent actually said to me "You taught my daughter to love reading.....I'm not buying you f-ing soap." and she handed me a wad of money totaling $100.

Then we talked a lot about this idea that cash is somehow tacky, which led to the idea that women (which the majority of teachers and daycare providers are) are traditionally supposed to be "above" cash. And that things we wouldn't hesitate to give cash to men for we give soaps and candles to women for. That's just not right. Women have bills to pay, too.

So I'm going to vote that we stop with the cutesy gifts for women, and go to cash *or* things that really are just symbolic. I can't imagine that a teacher is going to feel bad that you can't afford a cash gift if your child makes a handmade card for the teacher.

Homebaked goods could go either way. Nut allergies? Chocolate aversion? A desire not to overeat? All these things could make homebaked treats not the loving act you intend them to be.

As I'm typing this I think I may be sounding a little like a Scrooge. But I'm think of all the really hardworking moms (many of them) who are teaching our kids to read and use the potty, and what the difference would be for them to be handed money at the end of the year or to go home with scented candles. Only one of those buys new shoes for their kids.

So, can we talk about amounts? Give the situation (daycare, preschool, or elementary school, public or private, how many teachers, where you live, etc.) and what the standard is there.

Also, anyone know what to give NYC bus drivers?? We have a different one in the morning and afternoon, and the morning guy has really gone out of his way to be awesome in several dimensions.

Comments

[Lisa M]

I struggle with this every year, too (and my oldest is only 4, yikes). But I think last year I found a good formula for not feeling tacky or dismissive of my provider's hard work. I gave a gift card to Target (where I know she's shops quite often), a personal gift for her (favorite brand of tea) and a gift for her son.

This year I'm still doing the gift card, but instead of tea, I'm giving a Philosophy Grace gift set (because a woman who watches toddlers and babies all day NEEDS some Grace).

I try to make it all work out to equal 1/2 a week's pay. But I also have really tried to slip in bonuses at other times of the year (so far, I have paid her for all of her vacation time, even though it's not in the contract...but I've been able to afford it, and frankly, she deserves paid vacation).

But I also use her teenage daughter for babysitting occasionally. Do I also get her a gift?

[Shannon]

South Chicago suburbs, 1 child (age 21 months) in family daycare situation run by single mother of 6. This woman has bent over backwards for every single kid who goes to her daycare, including doing pickup/dropoff at our home on the days I worked from home.

Here's the thing. She only charges $3/hour, which I think is way less than she's worth. Because of this, I try to give her gifts (monetary, gift card, edible) for each holiday and sometimes just randomly.

I am going to bake some cookies and then attach a card with a $100 bill in it. I mulled over the whole tackiness issue awhile back, and then I figured, who wouldn't want money?

[Michelle]

Denver suburbs

My son (2.5) goes to a Montessori daycare/preschool. Despite the fairly hefty tuition, I don't think a lot of the staff gets paid that well as many of them have 2nd jobs. Which kind of breaks my heart. However, he has 3 teachers this year ( 1 primary teacher and 2 assistants). Last year he had two teachers and I got both of them a $25 gift certificate to a local restaurant chain so they could take their families out to dinner. This year, I am leaning towards Target gift cards for the 2 assistant teachers and a bookstore gift certificate for his primary teacher (she loves reading). Probably in the $25 range. Which adds up to quite a bit but we can afford it and I think they very much deserve it.

I saw a lot of lotions, soaps, etc last year. No one really commented on my gift one way or the other so I'm guessing it was in the range of acceptable.

Another thing that I did last year and will do again this year is write each teacher a hand-written thank you note thanking them for taking such good care of my child and making learning such a fun experience for him. The gifts are nice but I think the teachers like to be appreciated as well.

[flea]

When we shared an in-home nanny, the families got together to make up 1 week's pay in cash (contributions in proportion to our share of the share).

For day care and school teachers, we have given Target gift cards, which can be used for groceries if they feel like it - I worry a little about school policies for accepting cash. Amounts have varied depending on our finances and the number of teachers in a room - generally $50-$60 for each kid. Our current K teacher is a newlywed with a husband in grad school, first year teacher at a Title 1 school - I think she is getting $100 this year. Which is more than I am spending on my mother and siblings.

[r+k+mama]

Our preschool put out a wish list for classroom items and/or requests for donations to the school (it's a non-profit org). While I think this is an awesome idea I still wanted to give her teachers something for themselves as they work their butts off for our kids. The wish list said specifically "instead of" teacher gifts so I want to respect their wishes but still...
To add, I'm all about the gits cards (Target! Bookstores!) but don't find cash tacky at all.

[lisa]

NYC suburb, 1 child (age 2 years, 8 months) in a large family daycare run by a husband & wife.

After reading the comments about this last year, I went with a combination of American Express gift cards and store cards. The daycare has about 20 kids, so they have 4 or 5 employees, besides the owners. I gave the Amex cards to the two "older" women (by older, I mean, not 20 years old). I gave the two 20-year olds gift cards to Sephora. They had only worked there a short time by Christmas last year. (and they clearly LOVE makeup!) I wrapped them all up in gift bags with chocolates.

Oh, and I gave one Amex card to the entire family who owns the place, and I dropped off a platter of bagels & cream cheese during the week prior to Christmas. I figured they had enough sweets.

I tried to make the total of all the cards around the cost of a week's tuition. The staff seemed appreciative...

I have a some friends who have the attitude that "I spend enough here during the year, I'm not spending anymore at Christmas," and then give cookies as gifts. My feeling is that these are the people who watch my only child for 8-9 hours a day, every day. They teach him, change his diapers, feed him, get him to nap, and provide a safe, fun place for him to be. And that allows me to be able to work & have health insurance. That's worth a whole lot more than some cookies to me.

Does it cost a lot of money? Sure. But it costs less that the hourly rate I occasionally pay a babysitter on Saturday night. To me, it's not only worth it, it's necessary.

[rudyinparis]

I'm doing gift cards to Target for Eldest's teacher (with the idea she can buy something for herself or for her class--her choice). I'm not sure about amount. I'm thinking $25. More than that seems like it could be perceived as some kind of bribery. Somehow. But maybe that's more about my own suspicious mind. For our daycare provider, a gift card to Sam's Club for half of what we pay weekly.

My parents were schoolteachers--and, man, I always loved all the fudge and cookies they got! But my parents would probably have preferred gift cards, to be honest, as school supplies often came out of their own personal family budget.

[wix]

A child's parent (or parentS, as the case may be) takes up a cash collection for all the teachers at our preschool, and then the pot is divvied up between them.

I love CX's teachers. They're dedicated, quirky, and all-around good people. I know that they're not getting rich doing this type of work, though I do hope that they're paid above-average wages. They deserve the extra cash, to be sure, but it puts us in an awkward position because of our own budgetary constraints; I mentioned last night that I should have set aside some cash when we had it, but I wasn't thinking far enough ahead. Neither of us get a bonus of any kind, so there's no end-of-year cash infusion like there is (or was) in many places.

It would be easier on me if I could donate my time toward something each of them needed help with, either at the school or otherwise. Not that I have much time to spare, but I have more flexibility in my schedule than my bank account.

[Cloud]

I'm in San Diego. Pumpkin goes to a day care center. Last year, I gave the two workers who were the regulars in Pumpkin's "room" gift cards to Westfield shopping malls (there are quite a few of these in San Diego and the cards can be used at any store in any of the malls) and also got a gift certificate to a nearby restaurant that delivers and gave it to the center to cover the people who sub in and help out throughout the day. I arrived at this plan after talking to the assistant director of the center. I plan to do something similar this year. I gave $25 gift cards to each teacher. I'm hoping the half a week's pay thing mentioned above is for a smaller day care arrangement because there is no way I could afford that in addition to the adopt-a-family we always do. Besides, I don't actually know what a week's pay is for the teachers at the center- all I know is that I pay the center close to $1400/month.

I also gave Amazon gift certificates when Pumpkin moved up from the baby room.

[tk_zk]

Baby has been at daycare for 2 months. Daycare owner sent out a note that she wants to collect cash from the parents and distribute "fairly" to the staff. I can see her point, but isn't the point of tipping for the workers to know that *I* appreciate them?

It feels odd that she's going to be the one handing them the money. I'm certainly not worried that she'll keep any for herself, I think she just wants to make sure the part-timers get some money too. Anyone else dealing with this style of tipping?

[JeCaThRe]

I'm one of those people who thinks it is tacky to give cash to friends and family. But your child's teacher is not friends and family. You and the teacher are in an employer/employee relationship, no matter how close you are and how much you love them. In that kind of relationship, I believe that cash is a fully appropriate gift.

As a former teacher I can tell you that while I appreciated the thought behind the scented candles and home baked goodies and store gift cards, I rarely appreciated the actual items.

Moxie has already covered candles and cookies, but gift cards were never great for me either. They'd be for stores I didn't shop in, or a mall too far from my house, or I'd get several small cards for various coffee shops that if I could put them all together would add up to me taking everyone out for a hot cocoa, but since they were for three different places added up to almost nothing.

If your school forbids cash gifts but allows gift cards, both Visa and American Express have gift cards that can be used anywhere those credit cards are accepted.

If you can't afford a gift, write the teacher a thank you note, and give a copy to the principal to put in the teacher's file. Most teachers know which student's have families that are just scraping by, and they will appreciate the time you took, and the fact that you passed that praise on to the boss.

[Sandra]

Minneapolis, MN, university day care, 2 y/o son. The handbook has very specific rules about teacher gifts - nothing over $5 per teacher allowed - so I'm obviously leaning towards sentimental/symbolic. This rule actually kind of bums me out because I'd like to get son's teachers, whom I suspect are not very well paid, something more substantial (like a Target gift card), but of course don't want to overstep bounds. When son was at a different daycare last year, without rules about gifts, we brought in take-out menus from some nearby restaurants, said lunch is on us, and delivered food to the staff. I'm pretty sure I got the idea from an Ask Moxie commenter and it was loved by the staff.

[CaliBoo]

Heh, I'll have to show this to my husband, we were having this discussion the other night - he thought we'd get our DCP some candles or something, and I told him if MY employer gave me some fing candles as a holiday bonus I would stick 'em someplace they couldn't be lit.
Rant over - San Diego suburbs, in-home family child care, giving a check equal to a week's pay in a holiday card.

[abby]

because things are tight for us, I tend to go for gift cards, since in my warped mind I feel like I can give less than I would feel the need to in cash. somehow, a 20.00 gift card to target seems less tacky than a 20.00 dollar bill.

I really like the idea of a personal note, espeically as my kids get older and the stuff they are learning seems more tangible

Abby

[Liss]

SLC suburbs
My mom has taught for over 20+ years, her favorite "gift" is a bookstore gift card. She has gotten movie store gift cards/certificates but my mom just cannot stand to sit still long enough to watch anything.
Her bookstore gift cards have had totals between $50-$100 from just one parent/student. That might be a lot, but if there's a major chain bookstore near you, my mom has often used the various gift cards she's received of different amounts towards purchases. And yes, she's used it mostly towards purchases for her classroom, but that's where she wanted to use it! (Some clever parents put a note with theirs saying she had to use it on herself...that was the gift card that my mom had a hard time using!)
I second the heartfelt thank you notes. My mom is not a knick knacks person so those gifts were always really annoying to her, but she loved every thank you note she received and has kept them all.

[wix]

Sorry, I should have added the deets for statistical purposes:

Austin, TX
Private, independent preschool for 2-5yos
Suggested donation to the kitty is $50 per child

[Christine]

Tucson. One 3 year old in special ed preschool (this is a public school, so I'm not paying for it beyond my taxes).

After consulting with various teacher/mom friends, I followed their advice and got gift cards. Max has eight teachers in his room, so I honestly had to limit the amount. Each got a gift card to Starbucks and a larger gift card for a locally owned bookstore.

[peaceinyourcrib]

hmmm....
now i feel close to awful about my silly gifts (soap, candles, ornaments, photos, etc.) i've wrapped for them.

i am not as seasoned as you all;
1 child in preschool.
caring loving teachers, director, all the staff...great folks to the core.

cash is not tacky;
that's not my issue...

i guess my issue is my own 'selfishness' and 'stupidity'.

are they expecting cash?
i've never even considered it truly.

i worked for 13 years in healthcare helping brain injured adolescents and adults (and almost as importantly- comforting and educating their families); then with a non-profit for Sudan and the Lost Boys here in the US.
that said- i never once thought i should get money or a gift for doing my job.
super nice, but not neccessary.

surely someone brought this up last year?

you've given me something to discuss with my husband...

[MLB]

Old system: Daycare where the parents' committee collected for donations throughout teachers. While this system has its downsides, it is (IMO) vastly preferable to a system where it's every woman for herself and there is competition among both teachers and parents for gifts. And cash is really the only appropriate thing to give people who are paid so little, have kids of their own, and often depend on that money for their own holiday expenses. Now that my two oldest are in private preschool the custom is families do it individually. I am giving AMEX or VISA gift cards to the teachers. Slightly less tacky than actual cash but just as flexible. As others have said, this is fundamentally a business relationship, from which a friendship can develop but it's important to recognize that this, in some ways, is part of the cost of whatever childcare/schooling arrangement you choose.

[Shandra]

I'm trying to think of a man I give money to.

[Kate]

My daughter's school (3yo nursery-8th grade) collects money through the PTC to give to teachers. I am not sure how they feel about outside gifts, because it would be likely they'd want to downplay the financial differences between kids (scholarship vs non vs parent/grandparent school benefactors).

I will probably have her make Chanukah cards for all of them as well and include a note from me and my husband to say thank you. The "soap" comment came to mind after parent-teacher conferences, when teachers spent 10 minutes going on about my daughter's creative drawing and reading and spirit of adventure. The only reason why they see that at school is because she feels safe and loved; she is such a huge fan of school she cries when it's closed. What they are doing for her there goes far beyond anything I could attempt to match to a gift.

For my babysitter (I use her 4 hrs a week, only since September) I will just give her an extra week's pay. She's really getting 2 extra weeks because Christmas and New Year's Day are on Thursday, one of the days she works for me. Who doesn't like cash?

Moxie, do you think there might be some MTA policy about accepting gifts? Like you're not supposed to give money or gifts worth more than $20 to a USPS employee? Not creative, but how about a travel mug and a giftcard to a coffee place? He's probably up at 4 in the morning....

[Chris]

JeCaThRe-I think you nailed it! My mother in law is an aide in a preschool and she gets more lotions/soaps/candles than she could shake a stick at and doesn't use most of them. She takes them to the food pantry or throws them away. Cash or gift cards are always appreciated and AmEx or Visa gift cards are the most flexible by far.

My daughter's Kindergarten teacher has already sent a note asking to donate a gift to the class instead of getting something for her. We did get some new books and a game and I will have my daughter make her a homemade card as well as cards for her Art, Music, PE and Lunch teachers and her bus dirver and I will be including a note telling them how much I appreciate the fantastic job they do day in and day out.

[enu]

My kids go (went) to public school, and I don't believe public employees should receive gifts. I think it heightens the inequalities between the haves and the have nots in a given community.

I do my part by supporting every budget override, because what I think teachers really need is decent pay, not a handout at Christmas.

Private schools and daycares are, of course, another story.

[Anna]

This is timely--I was thinking about this this morning. We have a somewhat unique situation in that a) we are friends with our care provider, b)her license is pending, so our child is the only one there on the two days we need care, c)she's fantastic and deserves WAY more than we pay her, and d) we are quite desperately poor.

So our gift needs to be personal enough to make up for the fact that we can't give her what we'd like to--$100 cash or the equivalent to a nice restaurant in town. (I know her well enough to know the gift cert. would be a thrill to receive.)

I'm thinking a bottle of Veuve Clicquot (which I know she'll appreciate) and a batch of butter cookies. Or a $30 gift cert. to the local art supply store.

I wish Etsy sold site-wide gift certificates.

I'm hoping that with beautiful wrapping and a handmade card, the gift will express how utterly grateful we are to have her in our lives, even though we can't afford to give her a nice big bonus.

If we weren't so familiar with her tastes, we'd no doubt settle on something less personal, like a Target gift certificate.

[Cloud]

@peaceinyourcrib- my Mom was an elementary school teacher. She always got lots of gifts like you described. I have never asked her what she thought of them, but we always used them and she never said anything disparaging about them. I think she appreciated the thought and got something from every gift. The only gifts we sort of laughed about were the mugs. She always got heaps of Christmas mugs, often with some candy in them. We laughed, but we ate the candy and she still has a lot of those mugs and they did add to the Christmas cheer at our house- at Christmas time, we got to drink our hot chocolate or tea from special mugs.

I guess what I'm saying is- don't worry too much about it. I think you do what seems right to you. You're not the direct employer of your preschool teachers. The center is. It is up to the center to give Christmas bonuses. You are giving a gift.

Oh, and last year- my Christmas "bonus" was a fancy box. At the time, I worked at a major contracting firm. I thought it was a bit odd, but use the box and figured I got a good paycheck, so who was I to complain?

[Laura]

We're still figuring this out, but decided to get our providers a beautiful, hand-tinted photograph of a mountain range in Chile (the couple who owns our daycare are from there). Will also do a handwritten card and some cookies. Would also give cash, too, but we already pay (gladly!) for the days that the center is closed during the holidays (Dec. 24-Jan. 2), which is more than a week's pay. We LOVE LOVE LOVE our daycare providers, but jut wondering does an additional cash gift on top of the holiday pay feel right or wrong? Would love to hear thoughts.

[hedra]

I wish we could do cash gifts or gift cards this year. But, laid off, re-employed at 2/3 the previous rate, and then ep was laid off (and will be for at least a little while longer - fingers crossed for the infrastructure stimulus package, since a big chunk of that is RIGHT SMACK in his specialty - sustainable architecture and renovations to historic structures... energy efficiency improvements for public buildings R Us!) BUT, that won't be for a bit. Xmas gifts will shift toward end of year.

Meanwhile, thank you notes will be the main theme. I may be able to make a blanket for Mr B's teacher's baby as a gift. Or booties for her (I have a good bit of fleece remaining from making dresses for Miss-R-who-will-not-wear-clothes-with-seams-or-waistbands, bought at a nice discount at that).

I'm finding myself right smack on the quote above - Mr B had huge huge issues about reading (especially aloud) when he started this year, due to his articulation delay (or rather, my initial mistakes in trying to encourage better enunciation - not that I did it more than a few times, but it created a huge issue for him at a personal level). At the beginning of the year, he pretty much refused to read anything challenging at all, and certainly not around me. This week, he kicked up a fuss because I wanted him to turn out the light and go to sleep, and he wanted to finish reading the Danny and the Dinosaur Treasury (over 100 pages) aloud to me, including asking (!!) me for help with difficult words, without shutting down emotionally in distress over not being able to say them perfectly. I'm *so* on the no f-ing soap planet. And I have no cash, dammit. I'm likewise on the same planet for the administration, who put so much effort over the summer into making sure he was placed with the right teacher for his needs.

Sigh. Maybe by the spring we'll have a better profile for that. Meanwhile, a nice, detailed thank-you to all concerned. I like the idea of copy for the file, too. Definitely a worthwhile addition to the plan.

[Sariah]

From above: "As a former teacher I can tell you that while I appreciated the thought behind the scented candles and home baked goodies and store gift cards, I rarely appreciated the actual items."

This is basically what I was going to say. When I taught, I always went home with so many boxes of cookies/chocolates and bottles of fragranced lotion. Even if I ate the treats for every meal for a week, they wouldn't be gone, and I hate the feel of lotion on my skin - only use it in the desperation of winter. And as someone who doesn't live near my family, Christmas usually involved a 2 week trip starting the day of break, so then I returned to a slew of 2-week-old baked goods, and just felt guilty.

I always wished I just got a card or a note because I felt bad about not making use of the gifts I was given.

The rare times I got a small amount of cash were awesome. I don't think anyone in one of these underpaid professions would feel like they were really hoping for a candle instead.

[meggiemoo]

We did Border's gift cards last year ($25 for each of the 3 primary teachers, $15 for a teacher who's occasionally there), along with heartfelt notes. I'll probably do something similar this year. Some other parents have mentioned pooling resources and buying the staff something together, but I don't know whether anything will come of that.

The owners of the daycare/preschool give every child a gift, according to the holiday he/she celebrates. I think that's pretty amazing, actually.

[Jill in Atlanta]

Atlanta GA

Both our private preschool and public elementary had collections when school began. They were intended to be used for teachers and support staff for Christmas gift cards- and divided equally. However, that was so long ago and so impersonal, that I feel the need to do something for those who are important to us. We are making homemade apple butter (really simple and not caloric) and the kids will give them to their teachers themselves.

[Anna]

@peaceinyourcrib--While soaps and ornaments can be tricky because people's tastes vary so much and while I recognize that this is a business relationship we have with our caregivers, I'd like to believe that we live in a world where carefully chosen, thoughtful gifts will be appreciated for the generosity of spirit behind them.

@Moxie--I totally hear what you are saying about the cash bonus thing, but I can't imagine I'd handle the holiday gift any different if my care provider were a man.

[Jill]

My daughter's 3rd grade teacher has been teaching for 9 years in Central Kentucky. She has more than enough mugs, #1 Teacher signs, and other random crap.

Since I'm the classroom parent, I used a service called FrumUs.com to allow other parents to contribute to a shared gift via PayPal or credit card. They were also able to vote on the best gift for her. So far we're right around $200, and it will be a personalized AmEx gift card (unanimous vote so far). She can use it for the classroom stuff she's been paying out of her own pocket, or to buy something for herself and her family. I don't care.

Since some of the kids are less advantaged, it's from the whole class with no indication of who contributed or how much. Most people have kicked in everywhere from $5 to $25, depending on their own needs.

I hope she likes it.

[SJ]

Boston area, eldest in preschool, baby in family daycare.

For preschool - I just bought $20 giftcards to a local (down the block from preschool) coffee shop/lunch place, one for each of his three teachers. I decided this way I am also supporting a local business.

For the family daycare, we will probably give her a week's tuition (which is already far lower than most around here, $175) plus a bottle of wine. We've known her since eldest was born and she takes care of our kids like she is their grandmother, including actually getting them holiday gifts, so I feel almost like the $ is a holiday tip and the wine is a gift such as for a friend of the family. I always write her a personal note too.

[hedra]

I forgot my details, as well.

Small mid-atlantic college town.

And @peaceinyourcrib, none of the teachers I know hated the gifts they got, though some were problematic (the teacher who kept being given maple syrup - she's allergic to maple trees, and the syrup is a no-go). She understood that parents were trying, were often stumped, and needed to buy for many people. She took everything as a genuine gift - no grumping over getting nothing from someone, either. She has a lot of mugs, and a lot of hand made cards on her fridge. She likes the gift cards and cash, definitely. But she wouldn't do more than smile over the candles and such. She knows that everyone is doing what they can. I do think she donates some of it, but not with ill will at all.

Give the candles or whatever this year, and think ahead for next year. You acted on what you knew, and that's okay.

We've also given gifts to the classroom in the past. Books are always welcome, and for the younger classrooms, wooden puzzles. The certified Montessori materials are so incredibly expensive they suck up a lot of resources, unfortunately.

[Cecily T]

I was only through my student teaching before I left to stay home w/ my daughter, but I have to say, I'd feel just a little odd accepting straight cash from parents. Somehow a gift card seems more acceptable to me. Gift cards can be used however the teacher sees fit...personally, I'd probably end up using it for classroom supplies, since there's no way you can get everything you'd like your classroom to have with the school budget. I'd lean towards cards for places that have school-friendly items: bookstores (or Amazon!), Staples, craft stores for teachers of the younger kids, or general stores like Target.

[Jill in Atlanta]

I ought to mention that I'm a (former) public school teacher too. I was used to getting thought filled (and thoughtless) gifts of low monetary value, and because I taught special ed. and had a smaller class, I got fewer than the much loved kindergarten teacher. It didn't bother me. Our schools all do it, but I don't feel that being handed cash is meaningful- nice to have- but not meaningful if it comes from the PTA and not a specific person. The letter idea is nice- I kept a file of nice words which I could reread on tough days.

[hedra]

(er, hedra can't read the instructions today)

kids: 1 5th grader, 1 1st grader (both public Charter); 2 preschoolers (private Montessori)

[peaceinyourcrib]

thanks Cloud and Anna.

all these tokens are from the heart; and i look these women in the eye at least weekly and tell them 'thank-you'; even said- 'love you guys' on my way out of the preschool hall 1 day.

thanks for giving me prespective and stuff to consider for the future.

[Nick]

Our NFP church-based daycare has a fund where you donate an amount and the teachers all get a cut and a note to say who donated-- although I don't know if they learn the amounts.

As my DD has gone through three classrooms, six teachers, and at least as many aides this year (as she did last year) that was the program for me. I contributed a week's tuition to the fund.

I have no idea how much other parents contributed. I do know that some people went the individual gift card route, but to me, that seemed to leave out the teachers in the classrooms from which my DD graduated.

Also, I gave Christmas cards with thank-you notes inside to all the classrooms she was in. This year, I plan to have DD decorate the cards to the best of her ability.

[CaliBoo]

Thanks to other posters for helping to soften my comment, upon reading peaceinyourcrib's post and rereading mine, I realize it may have come across as pretty harsh. My apologies, I did not intend to put down someone's gift. I think Cloud is right on the money (har har) with her post. And with that I will be quiet now before I grinch this whole thing up.

[Jutta]

I'm so with you on this. Each year, one of my clients gave me a bottle of champagne. I know darned good and well, that she knew I don't drink. I so could have used the money back then, having been a single mother.

One of my current clients gives me money for both my birthday and X-Mas. A few others have, as well. The money along with a note about how I am appreciated and loved does so much more for me than a gift. The gifts are often lovely, but not about me and who I am. That part of me doesn't show at work. I leave all those things behind when I go to work. Besides - a $500 purse? What the heck good does that do me? I have the purse that I want.

[Moxie]

Shandra and Anna, that wasn't exactly what I meant. I wasn't saying that you'd give cash if your provider was a man. I'm saying (and this goes back to the discussion last year, but I think you have to click to the second page of comments to see it) that because women still work in professions that are seen as "women's work" it's OK to give them candles, etc. No one would bat an eyebrow at giving a doorman or super of a building a cash gift. Why is it different for a teacher or daycare provider, who works just as hard?

Peaceinyourcrib, do they *expect* it? I don't know? Do people who work in offices *expect* bonuses? It's the same thing to me. Expect may be a strong word.

[suzanna]

Context: 20-month twins cared for in our home by an awesome nanny 35 hours/week. Small town in PNW. We are doing fine for money, nanny is struggling.

Last year, when she was only part time, we gave a card and letter with $100 cash inside. Thinking about doing more this year, like 1 week's salary, but we're going away all of next week with the boys for our work (without the nanny), and we'll pay her for that time, on top of actual holiday vacation, so I'll probably stick with about $100 plus a calendar I made of photos of the boys. I know she'll appreciate it.

[Jutta]

@suzanna - I find that often folks don't realize that when they leave on vacation they should pay the nanny her wages. It is next to impossible to find another job for such a short time. Besides, she makes a commitment to you so they loyalty should be equal. This is, after all the woman who takes care of the most precious thing in your life. Good for you for giving her pay during your vacation and good for you for being generous.

[Danielle]

@peaceinyourcrib
It's great to learn something for next year, but I don't think there's any reason to feel bad about doing something from the heart. Be sure to include a note with your thanks, as I'm sure you would. I don't expect a bonus and, to be honest, would be excited to get a gift of any kind from my employer, especially in this economy. And I work for a large, public company.

It would break my heart if you felt bad about doing something good because of what you read here.

[Perfectly Disgraceful]

I'm feeling very on the fence about this issue. My younger child is at a preschool with a rather substandard administration. She's happy to be there playing with other kids; we are not happy with the way the place is run. If she was the least bit unhappy, we'd yank her out of there.

The preschool is already nickle and diming us for stuff that I believe should be included in tuiton (and then the tuition should raised by the necessary amount). I also know they are not obeying labor laws or using proper accounting methods.

The school has asked for cash gifts that will supposedly be pooled and divided among all the teachers. Which makes me very suspicious when I already know about the other financial issues. I think the underpaid teachers should get all of the cash gifts but I don't trust that they will.

On the other hand, those preschool teachers are getting a paid six day holiday at Christmas, and the year-long holiday schedule is also pretty generous. Like the preschool teachers, I work at a non-profit, we also get paid holidays, but we don't get a bonus.

My older kid goes to a private school that is amazing. We think the teachers are phenomenal. But they also get paid holidays and they make more money then we do (we're there on financial aid), so again, at the risk of sounding awfully cheap, I'm just not thrilled with cash gifts. I'm happy to have my children make cards, but I really don't like this whole practice.

Giving a bonus to a nanny or other childcare worker who does not get paid days off is an entirely different thing. I would have no problem giving a cash gift in that situation and we did give a cash gift to our babysitter last year (no babysitter this year).

[Karen]

I taught high school, so I never received lots of gifts, only a handful of items at the end of each semester from students who REALLY liked my class or who thought sucking up might get them an "A"...yeah, right. Anyhow, I appreciated the thought behind jelly beans, chocolates and Bath & Body Works products, but what mattered more were the cards saying things like "I look forward to your class each day, thanks for all you do!" etc. etc. Teachers are so underappreciated (at least high school teachers are) that those notes are like $100, at least to me. I hope my DH and I are in a financial position eventually to give a nice cash gift to Evie's teachers, sounds like a great idea. Or maybe a gift card for a $50 spa pedicure? That would have been just as good as cash to this teacher. :)

[Nutmeg]

One kid, almost two (MONDAY) in a large day care center with four teachers (two morning, two afternoon). I'm planning on dividing a weeks tuition four ways and giving gift cards. I'm also making four tote bags for reusable grocery bags.

I'm realistic here. We are lucky, we've got plenty of money, because we are still living like a family of a medical resident, but finally making actual money.

They LOVE my kid, seriously, I picked him up the other day and one spontaneously said "We really enjoy having him here." And even as his mom, I can't say he's a joy and a delight. He's funny etc. but he's a tough kid to manage and he's really sensitive and they spend a lot of time carrying him, holding him and comforting him, not to mention teaching him things that he gets to surprise me with every week. They give him more attention than I could expect, and they apologize and feel bad because they couldn't do more for him. They have never once seemed the slightest bit frustrated. And he's often got to be nebbed during the day and that is a huge trial with him. And they don't bat an eyelash at the cloth diapers. And honestly, the kid runs away from me when I come to pick him up because he is so happy to be there.

Can you tell I'm pretty happy?

Former teacher here to also say that a mug, candy, an ornament, nothing, a booklet of movie passes or a 30 dollar gift certificate to the mall... made me feel not a LICK different toward a parent or a child. So, there you have it. Was the money awesome (I was working at a small private school and making very little money)? YES, it was awesome. So... do what you can do, what you feel you want to do, and rest assured that most of those people will take a gift in the spirit it was given.

[cn]

I tip my hairdresser and leave a bonus for my maid.

I'm giving the teachers cash. I am interested to reading the appropriate amounts.

[SarcastiCarrie]

NW-Indiana (south Chicago suburbs), one 3-yr old going to center day care (was full-time down to 3 days/week now that I'm on maternity leave)

He has two primary teachers and two teachers who do a couple of hours in the afternoon every day, so regular. All four are getting $15 Target gift cards inside homemade cards. Last year, I did not do the gift cards for the "closers" but they are more regular this year. The $60 works out to about 1/2 of a week's part-time tuition. I have no idea whether they get end of year/holiday bonuses from the center but they do get paid vacation and health insurance.