Coming up from underground

I've been on a self-imposed media blackout for several days now, so I could finish my first freelance project with no distractions. No internet, no TV, not even a phone.

It's funny, you know. I leapt headfirst into what feels like it's supposed to be my new life, quitting my full-time job, without really thinking about what the transition would be like. And I knew it was going to suck, because I'd taken on what was essentially a full-time freelance project while I still had fa full-time job to finish out. But I didn't realize how fully I'd fallen out of my old freelance mentality, and how painful it would be to shoehorn myself back into it.

As I see it, there were two big problems:

1) I just can't stay up anymore like I used to be able to*. At about 10:30 pm, my mind just shuts down. So trying to do anything substantive after the kids were in bed was dicey at best.

2) I'm not used to producing content. My freelance job is producing content (sort of educational in nature--the kind of thing you never think about an actual human having written), and for the last 1 1/2 years I've been doing a full-time job that was mostly about talking to people, fixing their problems, being the repository of knowledge (I do have a freakish memory for details about clients), and teaching people to do things. All of those things are process things. I can do two or three at a time, and they all fit together and time can always expand to do more of them.

But this freelance job is about producing actual content, on actual topics, with actual things that are right and wrong, and ways things have to be done. And I was completely out of practice with that. Somehow, I thought that I was going to be able to think the content into existence and have it magically appear in the right format. Or, basically, that I could just show up and figure things out to solve problems for people, like I do in every other task in my life.

Having worked on the freelance project for 60 of the previous 72 hours, I have discovered some things:

a) It's like riding a bike. If you could do something before, you can do it again. Getting back into the zone may have felt like giving birth again, but now that I'm here it's kind of fun.

b) It's one thing to a have a work ethic. It's another thing to realize you're a single mom and you just quit your easy, comfortable job and this is what's going to pay your rent and health insurance and buy bagels for your kids. When you can't think anymore at 2:30 am, set the alarm for 5:30 am, because Yes, We Can.

b.1) Hey--5:30! Wake up, switch laptop on, and jam on the work for 90 minutes in bed before the kids wake up. Dude. Who'd have thought?

c) I can only listen to '40s music for about four hours before I start to go a little batty. I sequestered myself in a cafe near my house to just slam through the work for two days straight, and they play a radio station that calls itself "High Standards" that plays nothing but singers and standards from the '40s and '50s. My previous time spent at that cafe was in three hour increments, and the music seemed cozy and fun. Who doesn't like a little Ella, you know? But after four hours, and then six hours, and then ten hours, I really just wanted to stab Jack Jones' eye out with a pencil. And what's with all the Ella? It wouldn't kill you to play some Keely or June once in awhile, you hackneyed dilettantes.

So now I'm pacing myself. Trying to work it out. Aiming for my life goal for the next few months: No, no drama. No, no, no, no drama.

What's up with you all?

* Does that construction really make sense from an elegance-of-language point of view? Shouldn't we be able to say in American English "I just can't stay up anymore like I used to could"? Or is it just me?

Comments

[Shannon]

Phew, you're okay. Is it weird that I was actually worried about you? It's funny that you mention that you are writing something that you never think of anybody actually having written. The job I just quit was in educational publishing, and when I told people I edited math textbooks, people would say, "Hmm, I always wondered who did those things."

You should at least feel good that you're working, Moxie. I have been a total slug about looking for work. Instead I'm embracing the SAHM role, and loving it.

[Archivist Alison]

Just back from a weekend cruise to the Bahamas with 132 other mommies, thank you very much. Had a blast.

Glad to see you're coming up for air, Moxie!

[Jutta]

Glad to see you back. I was starting to wonder if you were alright.
Grammar: "...as I used to be able to." isn't the right construction, either. It's an incomplete sentence and has a preposition at the end of a sentence. But - I use it, too. "As I used to be able to do in the past" would be one solution. Or if you don't like that phrase, you can just rewrite:"...I could stay up in the past, but can't do it anymore." Not quite the same sound.
But hey, you're talking about American English, which is heavily influenced by British English. Some of the language doesn't make any sense, no matter how much ya turn it around ;-)

[Jill in Atlanta]

I suppose it is like giving birth again. I've decided that for me, any big change takes a year to adjust. I look back in a year and feel great about how much I adapted, but it's always hell in the process. You'll make it. Good luck.

[Nutmeg]

I need to do some plowing through work. I just changed medicines and I feel like I'm emerging from a cloud that has lasted six months. I can almost read and write coherently again.

I have six months (or two years) worth of stuff to jam through.

I got 3 straight hours done today... that is saying something for me.

Glad to hear you got back on your bike.

[Jen L.]

Glad you're back. Missed you! Glad you are getting back into the groove!!

[Christine]

Right now I'm sort of wishing I hung out with Archivist Alison.

[Jen]

I was starting to worry. Glad to know you're well.
And, to the person who commented on ending sentences in a preposition . . . check Strunk and White (as well as other sources). That is no longer an absolute prohibition. Of course, there are instances when doing so makes the sentence sound absurd. But, there are instances when it sounds fine.

[hedra]

Figured you were sucked under by the job stuff. Hoped you were okay, but assumed you were, too.

New job is 40 hours plus, I'm used to putting in 32 or so. It sucks. But, the job is fascinating - kind of the reverse pattern to yours, I'm now more on 'how to do this so it works' rather than the content development side. Still doing some content, but more teaching people how to do the content, how to make it work for the client, playing peacemaker, troubleshooter, FREAKISH lots of meetings with folks, remembering their names (something I never could do before)... Plus I get to be bossy and tell them how to do it, which rocks.

Not sure I want to do this forever, though, or even sign on if they offer me the permanent gig. Would rather write the books, ya know? But while I'm finishing up the sample chapter to send out to agents ...

[ramy]

I was worrying too. I didn't kill my (now) 4year old today. Progress?

[hedra]

@Jutta, a big part of my job right now is teaching people who speak British English (via India) how to communicate in American English. Written form.

Whee? Stop trying to sound literary. Yes, it is elegant; no, they can't understand you. Keep it simple. Spell out the Latin terms in English. Skip Latin-root words if there's an Anglo-Saxon one you can use instead. Fewer to+infinitives, more gerunds. Less passive voice, more pretty-much-pushy direct statements. Bold, not subtle! Directness over discretion. Rah Rah Rah!

But actually getting there is hard - it just sounds wrong to them, not "American", just bad grammar.

[SarcastiCarrie]

"Used to could"...Ha, Ha Ha! I think that you've been in NY too long. We Midwesterners would not come up with that construction.

[Michelle]

I assumed that you were swamped with the new gig. Glad all is well.

Remember the Gerber underpants question for my 2.5 year old? Well he is doing splendidly with potty training! About 1 accident per day but he managed a 2 hour playdate at the museum with friends and the drive home. He is solid with peeing on the potty but not quite getting the poop idea.

[Moxie]

@SarcastiCarrie, I know!

@Jutta, the prohibition on ending a sentence with a preposition was a holdout from English being patterned on French. In French, apparently (2 years in high school was all I have), it's not possible to end a sentence with a preposition. But in English, especially US English, it's not considered improper anymore to end a sentence with a preposition.

Of course, I tend to be way more to the descriptivist side of the language debate than the prescriptivist side.

[Maria]

It actually sounds great, Moxie. Challenging yourself, having a focus and a goal, getting yourself through to being able to meet the goal… I love it. Yay single moms team!

OK, truthfully, cause you people are always so honest and forthright and understanding? What's up with me? Sh*t, I'm worried. I just moved with my 5 year old back to the state her father lives in. I have no income at the moment and no viable plan for coming up with one. Today is my mom's birthday which always screws me up since she died 10 years ago (gulp! I can't believe it's been that long).

And my daughter's father, who really wanted us to move back, is harrassing and bullying me. He must have called me 20 times yesterday, leaving increasingly abusive messages, eventually threatening to call the cops because I 'wouldn't let him' talk to her. I wasn't taking his calls because he was being so nasty and I didn't want to respond to the abuse.

Anyway, it's a mess, and while I don't think we're in physical danger from him (for one thing he doesn't know where we live yet), the emotional violence is really upsetting me and the fear that he will do something like ACTUALLY calling the cops on me for some crazy reason, or take me to court over visitation and custody, or just keep yelling at me whenever he feels like it, is really making me even lonelier and getting in the way of doing what I need to do to settle us into a new life here.

Whew, I didn't read this post planning to spill my guts, but there it is and I guess I'll go ahead and leave it. I have an appointment with a lawyer on Tuesday and I'll start the process of getting some structure and boundaries in place. But I experience tells me that there's not much anybody's going to be able to do to prevent him from harrassing and bullying me.

[Kate]

I have not done a lick of work all month. My babysitter (only four hrs a week, but I work the entire time she's here) has been away and my 2.5 yo son's days either are no-nap or nap but then be up until 9:30. So no work for me. We are not relying on my salary in any significant way, but the extra $500 a month is nice. Or was nice the past two months but it so not going to happen for November. (Plus: work is boring as sin and every time I sit down to do it I can only manage 20 minutes before I start to wander.)

I am kind of continually amazed by my ability to roll out of bed when it is still very very dark after a late night of insomniacing and go punish myself at the gym. Then start a 12-14 day with the kids. Some day I will lose my shit entirely.

Moxie, will I see you Sunday? Or will DH and my kids be the only witnesses (that I know) to my potential MAJOR FAIL? At least I have a kickin' soundtrack.

[Charisse]

How about "as I once could" or "as I could back in the day"?

Glad all's well, Moxie!! Job sounds cool actually. :)

@hedra, it takes some getting used to--I do tons of client management, coaching, and even sales these days while still trying to keep a hand in the research. It's actually fun but it exercises a very different set of skills.

@Maria, big big hugs and I hope your lawyer is fantastic.

[laura]

re: used to could

I grew up in the Northeast and now live in the "Mountain South," aka Appalachia. "Used to could" sounds really Appalachian to me ... "used to be able to" sounds better but does take longer to write. I'm not a grammarian but I usually err on the side of the traditional.

[Julie]

Maria, I'm a little worried about you. Hang in there, and good for you for getting a lawyer involved.

What's up with me....we're doing Alex's 3rd birthday celebration this Saturday (only about 3 weeks late) and then we're moving on Sunday. Our entire house is in boxes and bags, and I just want the whole thing over with already. 28 weeks pregnant, exhausted, teaching a class of 30 5th graders full time, running after Alex, packing in my 'spare' time.....my husband leaves for his annual hunting trip 3 days after we move - he'll be gone for 2 weeks. I'll be unpacking, working, and shuttling Alex back and forth between home and school. No rest for the weary ( not to mention the extremely hugely uncomfortably pregnant)

Oh ya, and in addition to the new house and a new bedroom for Alex, we're putting him in a new big boy bed (out of the crib already!) and I'm a little worried about the transition. What I'm most worried about are the tears and wanting to be in his crib, wanting to sleep at his house, not this new place that has some strange bed. Any suggestions? We're not planning to set up the crib in the baby's room - in fact I'm thinking about having the movers leave it unassembled in the garage for the time being....until the transition is past. Any ideas, suggestions, advice would be welcome.

[WaltzInExile]

I'm afraid I have nothing to add to the discussion of eloquence of language; I only wanted to tell you that I'm stealing "hackneyed dilettantes."

[Claudia]

@Moxie: It's good to see you back. I was starting to feel like I had fallen into a Moxieless internet vortex, and everyone else was Moxie-ing on as usual. Yes, I am self-absorbed.

@Maria: I'm very worried about you. I know you didn't take the decision to move lightly, but I really hope it will work out for you. And keep those messages! All documentation will be very important for your lawyer. I really doubt you need to worry about his challenging the visitation setup. He isn't behaving well. Hugs to you, be safe, and email me if you need to vent, etc. czilla007 at hotmail dot com.

I am still suffering my 2 1/2 year-old waking at inappropriately early hours. I know she's tired. Maybe tomorrow's birthday party for her granddad will be enough of a wrench in the schedule works that she'll reset to a NORMAL sleep time. I don't care to see 4:30 am from anywhere but behind my eyelids, thankyouverymuch.

[Dee Dee]

re: big boy bed/Laura

We also moved to a new place when Jei-Jei had just turned 2. We had in our paperwork for Mei-Mei and wanted to get Jei-Jei into the big girl bed before the call came for the second. Really went smoothly. The new house seem to signify all things new to Jei-Jei. We set up her crib in the boring (baby's) room and had her new big girl bed in her cute, freshly-painted room. We gave her the choice of where to sleep. She chose the big girl bed the first night and never looked back - and almost a year later, still won't get out of it unless we tell her it's okay. (We received the call for our second within four weeks of our move and had her at home in the crib within six. Whew.) Alex will be fine and may be more ready than you think. Now, get some rest!

[paola]

'I just can't stay up anymore like I used to be able to'

I'd have simply said: 'I just can't stay up anymore like (as) I used to', but that's coming from an Aussie perspective (our English tends more towards the British rather than the American). Ending in prepositions has become the norm now, and has been so for the last 5O years or so.

Glad to see you back Moxie. My days seemed a little empty without you.

What's happening you ask? I have been on a low GI kick recently. A girlfriend of mine has been recently diagnosed with gestational diabetes and while I was doing some research for her on the net, found myself becoming more and more interested in the matter. I have started adapting my recipes so they contain low GI ingredients and grinding low GI grains into flour and using them instead of normal white flour to make cakes and muffins. Great for the kids too.

Oh, also, my 22 month old seems to be going thru yet another fussy period. Sleep has gone down the toilet. These regressions are uncontainable in the second year. Boo hoo

[michaela]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who was suffering from the Moxie (and Moxite!)-less days....

Moxie, I am impressed that you can even work until 10:30. I am pretty much useless after 8... especially for writing (you know, the major thing a freelance writer does). The only thing I've figured out so far is to work like hell during daycare hours and save all the more mindless tasks that I used to do during breaks - shopping online, balance the checkbook, return personal email - and do them at night. That stuff I can handle.

Things have been kinda crazy around here. Major marital turmoil in the last few weeks, but I think it's headed in the right direction (and we have our first appt with a couples counselor Monday. eep.). Something about all the sturm und drang made me realize how essential my own sanity is - so yesterday I sent the girl to daycare and took the day off. Don't think I've done this since I was pregnant. It was LOVELY. Not a panacea, by any means, but really, really wonderful.

Maria, hang in there.... Can you give us some idea of your geographic location, in case one of us lives nearby for some in-person support?

[Sonia]

Glad you're OK, Moxie! A relative of mine works at home writing content for math textbooks and I remember being surprised when she started the job - a real Homer Simpson "doh!" moment. Of course all that text doesn't just magically appear out of the blue!

As for us - our daycare provider and her kids have the stomach flu so she had to close today. So I'm at home with my 2.5 yr old son, my stomach is churning, and I'm just praying that this is due to overindulgence in office party food yesterday rather than the flu. Also, please please please don't let my son get sick too!!!

[Mom2Boys]

Yay for everyone who has work to do! I have a job and very little work...kinda makes me wonder how much longer the job part can hold out.

Really sucky family stuff - my little sister and nephew moved in with my mom and her esteemed doctor of a husband a couple of months ago. My mom is addicted to prescription pain meds. She says she isn't but she is and it's bad.
Fast forward to today. I'm keeping my nephew for the weekend so my sister can try and cold turkey quit taking - I don't know the exact name - one of those addictive pain medicines - percocet, maybe? It's the most f-ed up thing that's ever happened in my life and it isn't even happening to me.

Who should this go to? To whom should this go? Nine times out of ten I would say the first sentence. The tenth I'd have to affect a terrible British accent.

[Lisa F.]

glad to "see" you Moxie! figured work was up. I'm in the south too (former Mainer), and "used to could" sounded southern to me too! (I actually have heard myself say, "you _might could_ do such & such..."! ack. at least I haven't said "_mash_ the button." yet.)

Hedra, nice to hear your job update,
Shannon, I'm glad to see you, had *just* been thinking about you. I'd forgotten to bookmark your blog, so I did it as soon as I saw your name!

Maria, I've been wondering how your move went, am sorry to hear about your ex. that must be scary. take good care.

ramy, congrats on tolerating your 4 y.o.!
michaela, good luck w/counseling!
sonia, hope you're not sick.
hi to folks I missed!

We're sick here, and there've been local outbreaks of whooping cough, so every time DS coughs I'm listening anxiously. I haven't had such a bad cold in I don't know how long.

And, we're switching preschools the first week of December. am nervous but hopeful. DS will be w/kids his own age in larger group, instead of oldest in small group. he's been kicking our asses lately. overtired because night waking (more molars), almost 3.5, tantruming, defiant. he's had his 2nd tantrum where he has to pee really badly, refuses to sit on potty, and just freaks out, earsplitting screaming, refusing anything, like he's totally short circuiting. and then he'll pee a little in his pants & freak out about that. yesterday he was totally low blood sugar barely ate, and refused every tactic. it was exhausting.

DH has been off this week and it's been oddly stressful, but it's that way every time he has vacation time. we have accomplished some long necessary tasks (got our Internet provider to come down $15/month! and converted to a family plan on our cell phones which will be cheaper long term.)

am working on selling some baby stuff haven't used in a while for cash-ola. freelance web editing & blogging hasn't come through, friend is waiting on job proposals & payment from other job. had been psyched about & totally scared of working again.

am seeing a therapist & it seems helpful. may have to stop w/acupuncture due to finances but worry about stopping affecting my anxiety.

I'm a former English major & ending a sentence in a preposition is Painful to me, but oftentimes is only way things don't sound awkward!

off to make hay while the bean's away!

[Maria]

Thanks guys. I appreciate the worry and support. I'm in Western Mass.

[Cathy]

I just can't stay up like that anymore.

But "used to could" is not an unfamiliar construct around here. Also "might could", as in "We might could go get something to eat."

I have an "Ella" station on Pandora, but it plays a lot of other stuff too.

@Maria - I hope things get easier. Will be thinking of you.

[pnuts mama]

oh ladies- it is so good to read up on all of you, how i've missed all this! our life has been crazy nuts too, moxie, just that time of year? my new job is taking way more of my time than i thought but i love it, the bean is *rolling over* (amazing to me, as the pnut never rolled or moved really, ever) and my chapter that's due tomorrow is almost done. agh!

But here's the big news: you'll never believe this (since i really can't) but we SLEPT UPSTAIRS LAST NIGHT!!! holy crap, the major work of this never ending construction project is done!! we have some trim left to paint, closet doors to hang, and bathrooms to finish, but last night we moved the bulk of the major furniture up last night and slept up there!! we're baptizing the bean tomorrow, have a houseful of people expected, and we'll be ready-ish...ready enough, anyway!

my sister and nephew are here for it (missed them so much, can't process the emotions of that yet), in-laws are expected any moment, more family later tonight and tomorrow. good lord. but we're upstairs. and a load of stress that has been on my chest for the past three years has lifted- mostly- and i keep breaking out into tears. sigh.

love the updates, everyone- hope you all are well! hang in there for those of you who need extra support right now!!

[Brooke]

I had the weird feeling like my computer just wasn't loading the page properly.

I hope everything works out for you Maria. Stay safe.

Up with me? Son will be 6 weeks old tomorrow. I am ready to go back to work and be productive, but not ready to leave him yet. I don't actually go back until after the new year. I've come to terms with his birth (it went well, but wow is giving birth a BIG THING), and I've gotten used to the idea of having a boy in the family. At least I'm no longer surprised when I change his diaper.

Now I just need to get to work on all those thank you notes.

[AmyinTexas]

I'm with you on the late night working. When finishing my dissertation with a new baby, I routinely worked from 10pm until the wee hours to get things done. The brain was alert and ready to go that late at night. Eight years and 3 kids later, my brain doesn't function past 8:30pm. But it works great at 4:30/5am. So, now when I have lots of grading or writing to do, I just go to bed early and get up *early*!

[Charisse]

Wow, this is so nice to hear from all of you! I never answered what was going on with me: it's all mild but our big thing at the moment is getting through the SF Kindergarten obstacle course. (For the uninitiated, SF has a city-wide lottery for public schools, requiring each family to rank 7 choices, of which you are not guaranteed to get one--how's that for awkward grammar?--and a lot of the "good" schools are virtually impossible to get. There are some good private school options but they are also heavily in demand.) So we're making progress, have a first choice public school that at least historically hasn't been absurdly over-subscribed, and a couple of other reasonable choices...though we may go the route of just ranking #1 followed by the 6 most over-subscribed schools for our demographic, since if you get zero in the first round you get a higher second-round priority than if you get a low choice in the first round....make sense? Eyeroll. And we think we have a probable first choice private school, though we have a couple of tours left. Surprised ourselves yesterday by having a gut-level disconnect with the school we most expected to like in the whole town. Very interesting.

BTW, has anybody used biofeedback to control their blood pressure? I'm pretty labile and had a borderline reading in the doctor's office yesterday when I was there for a routine checkup--she wasn't super worried because it was, well, borderline rather actually high and my heart rate was up so she thought I was probably cranked up. (I was.) But I'd love to have a solid, relatively quick technique for letting go of stress/lowering heart rate and I've heard bio-feedback can help. Any suggestions/thoughts welcome. :) (And she also pointed out that I need to get back to exercising more regularly--I've given up a lot of my already scarce slots to make election calls and do school choice stuff.) Must care for self too.

[caramama]

Yeah! Moxie's back! Good luck with the shifting of gears at work.

Used to could - That sounded Southern to me too, and like Lisa F., I was going to throw out a "might could." :-)

As for me, I'm leaving tomorrow to go on vacation with my parents and daughter, but not my husband. I'm a bit nervous about taking on all the childcare duty, especially during the winter (which is my rough time of year). But we are going to Florida, and my parents will be some help.

And... I'm not supposed to say anything... I am not putting this on my blog, even... but... but... I've just got to share with you all! I'm pregnant! 9 weeks today. Things are good so far, and we've graduated from the fertility center to the OB! I told my husband I wouldn't tell the world, so please no one come by my blog and mention it. I will announce on my blog as soon as I'm in the second trimester (first week of December). But it's so hard for me not to share, and since we talk about everything here. I just had to tell you all!

@Maria - Good luck with everything. I hope the lawyer can at least give you some good advice. I wish I had some to give you!

@Julie - We switched the Pumpkin to a big girl bed, and it went really smoothly. But she was never that attached to the crib and we'd been co-sleeping half the night in that bed since she was 6 months old. Maybe if you ever cosleep with him that might help the transition?

@pnuts mama - Congrats on the major work being done and getting to sleep upstairs!

@Charisse - Good luck with the schools and blood pressure. Have you thought about meditation or yoga?

[sheSaid]

Applying to Graduation school.
Slogging through trying to get and do freelance work.
Trying to 'fix' a toddler's sleep.

hahaha.
I used to could... stay up late but nope not any more :)

I have missed the posts

[Jac]

It's been a stressful couple of weeks here. We had to let our nanny go after DS suffered a series of accidents. I don't KNOW that any of it was her fault because he is a very rambunctious toddler, who has absolutely no sense of self-preservation, but the trust was gone. And, because the trust was gone, I couldn't bring myself to put him in her care anymore so (a) I have a crazy patchwork of back-up care over the next couple of weeks, involving family, my back up babysitter, and an on-call service and (b) I am still paying out the regular nanny so my care expenses are astronomical. DS seems to be taking it all in stride but I feel like the worst mother in the world putting him through this parade of new people and new routines. Luckily, our new nanny starts the week after next and it's my sister! Anyone have any experience or advice about hiring a family member to look after your child?

@Maria, I am a lawyer and while the laws in Canada are undoubtedly different, one of the best things you can do right now is document EVERYTHING. As someone else mentioned, trying to keep the nasty messages. Set up a document on your computer and start writing down everything that happens (including everything that brought you to this point). The computer will date mark things so if you are forced at some point in the future to provide some evidence about what has happened, you can't be accused of making things up at a later date to suit your version of the story. Most important, take care of yourself. I'll be thinking of you.

[Brooke]

Congrats, caramama!

[Charisse]

@caramama, that is wonderful early news! I'm so happy for you and promise not to say a peep over chez you. Good thoughts, tons of them!! I actually have a longstanding yoga practice that has been rather neglected lately (see school stuff and election, above) :) --come to think of it last time I had a check when my practice was in full swing, my BP was in the excellent range--and more meditation would probably do me no harm at all. Good reminder.

[meanderwithme]

Okay, I'll go back to reading before posting more, but guys...the "to" in Moxie's construction wasn't a preposition.

It was the beginning of the infinitive "to be"

/back to reading.

[meanderwithme]

@Brooke -- YES. I must have hit refresh 20+ times in the past few days, thinking, "this ain't right!"

@caramama -- WOW, and congratulations!

@Maria -- please do let us know a general idea, if you feel safe doing so. For what it's worth, I'm in Los Alamos, NM (anyone in NM? I could use some sane mommy-friends.)

My update: I got accepted to the MS/Social Psychology program at Walden University, and I start (online) on 12/1. Ack! Moxie, your comment about getting used to creating content again hits home with me. I'm so used to writing in a purely conversational manner, the idea of writing research is a smidge intimidating. On the bright side, I'm already loving one of my textbooks; it focuses on a skeptical/rational approach to assessing psych research. Yay!

Oh, and my 4-year-old is still alive, but I credit that largely to 5 days/wk preschool. I'm still waiting for the so-called magic switch that was supposed to flip at age 4. The 8-month-old just doesn't want to sleep (need to look up how to handle a tension-increasing crier).

[Kate]

@meanderwithme are you FROM Los Alamos? (I know, nobody is truly from there, but...)

If yes, we must discuss.

[Kate]

PS I am the one person outside of the SW who was absolutely floored (though delighted) that Los Alamos Cty went for Obama. Did not see that coming at ALL.

[L]

Never would I have guessed that I would one day know the answer to why you can't say "I used to could", but being a English teacher in France you learn these things... The problem is that can is a modal verb, and all modal verbs (shall, should, might, can, must) don't have an infinitive form. 'To can' doesn't exist, it's 'to be able to' (just like to might, to must, etc). To express a modal verb in infinitive form, you use a different word: to have to, to be possible, etc. Modal verbs also have the funny characteristic of not having 's's for he/she/it. He drives, she flies, but not he cans or she musts.

[toomuchstrong]

Hi ladies and welcome back Moxie! Boy did I miss you...
Many of the posts remind me of the time (2 years ago) when my daughter was born and I was in the middle of grad school. I was just reflecting back on it last night when I thought about how little time I had to myself and how crazy I was starting to get. We were in a financial pinch because of my husband's job and my grad school bills so I couldn't hire help until my baby was a year old. We had no family to support us and my husband's job was crazy too, so I was at home with a screaming baby (because she indeed was quite a screamer for quite a while) and I had to use every free moment to research, read, write and attend classes in the evening. No wonder I nearly lost my mind.
So, thinking back on that time made me feel BETTER about getting close to welcoming our second baby in a few short weeks. I had been freaking out about it partially because I remembered what hell I went through the first time, but grad school is long finished so it should be much better. Oh, and our construction was underway when she was born, so our "usable" house was half the size (a very small size). That will not be the case this time. And it looks like we'll have a little bit of money to hire a college student to help out a few times a week. Yeey!
Now, however, the biggest stressor is that my husband is getting a new job and we have no idea how his work hours will be. Not to mention that I have been begging him to try to start after the baby is born so that I don't have to call every doctor with the insurance update a day before I go into labor. That is if I can even get the insurance info that fast...
So wish me luck that I can peacefully give birth, that my 2 year old decides to be patient at all the changes coming into her life and that life goes back to the "new normal" sooner than later.

[meanderwithme]

@Kate -- eh, I'm not FROM here. My husband and I moved up from Santa Fe in February, since he was tired of the commute, and I was due with my second in March. (Will NEVER move again like that, but I digress.) He's more "from" here than I am, since he's worked at the Lab since the early/mid 1990s.

From what Mike tells me, in 2004, the town of LA went for Kerry, and White Rock went for Bush. It makes me glad I live in the town (like a block from the library). Los Alamos has utterly shocked me with how much I *do* like it here. Still working on the friendships, but the environment is much better for me than Santa Fe was. Go figure.

Anyway, as someone who canvassed (okay, all of 2 times), I'm not surprised. New Mexico went entirely blue this year.

[paola]

Yeah Caramama!!!

[Maria]

@meanderwithme: i'm not in NM but I did just travel through there a few weeks ago – I wish I'd known you were there we could have maybe gotten together! Although I was on major sleep deprivation at that point, so you might not have considered me sane…

I am in Western Mass and I appreciate all the good thoughts. Anyone local is welcome to contact me, maria at davidgrover dot com. Not only could I use support for being in the middle of crap at the moment, but we're also living in a new place and looking for friends!

@Jac, I am saving all the messages, my phone keeps a record of calls, so I'm fairly well covered there. I also have been documenting for a couple of YEARS in my iCal, so I have a lot of info there. It's true that I'm not always diligent about it so there are gaps (usually when things have been going relatively smoothly) but it is a fairly good record of the trends and the major crises/events.

[ramy]

congrats caramama!

Not only have I not killed the high energy 4 year old (3x a week daycare saves me), she's stopped using the paci at night! but the conflict btwn her and her 3mo little brother is wearing me down. Plus, I'm starting to search for child care for him to cover Spring semester, when I have to go back to teaching 3 days a week. Its been very hard teaching just one class this fall. Of course, it started 2 weeks after he was born.

and brooke (?) i noticed this morning that I'd stopped being surprised every time I changed a diaper. I remember last year thinking how strange it was to have a tiny penis inside me.

ok, baby screaming at me.

[Cassie]

Ok, I have to chime in. Some months after my son was born (that is, after I had spent quite a few months doing not much more than bf-ing and changing little boy nappies) I was at a baby music class and was kind of half watching another mother changing her baby's nappy at the side of the room. It was a little girl baby, and my first thought, for a split second, was "Oh my god what happened to your baby?!?". Glad to know it goes the other way too.

[michaela]

Go, caramama!! Woohoo!!

@Maria, I'm in Portland, Me. So a few hours away... I LOVE western Mass., though... let me know if you're ever up this way, and I'll do the same.