Baby carriers and back pain

Baby carriers do not need to hurt your back. If you're wearing them correctly, you'll feel the weight of the baby, but it shouldn't be so painful that you need to take pain meds. If you are feeling that much pain, you can Google the name of the carrier you have and the word "instructions" and someone somewhere will have posted photos of the correct way to wear that carrier. Or else try a different kind of carrier, because there is no perfect one, and maybe there's a better one for your body.

In general, the closer to you and higher up you can put your baby, the less pain and movement you'll have. If you're using a Bjorn or Bjorn-style carrier (which I don't actually recommend because I think other styles are far less painful, notably the Ergo if you like a constructed carrier or a wrap carrier if you like less construction), make sure the cross in the back crosses below your shoulder blades. It should be where your bra strap goes. Here's a really old post on different kinds of carriers.

Also, wearing your baby should be something you do because you want to. Not because it's "in fashion" or because Dr. Sears tells you to. Do it because babies who are worn tend to cry less, or because you like having your little one snuggled against you, or because your baby won't stop !@#$%-ing screaming if you put her down, or because your best friend walked all the baby weight off by wearing her baby, or because you can't deal with your stroller, or whatever. But let it be because you want to. Not because the lady at the grocery store or the women on the message board or the misogynist ad-writers at Motrin tell you you have to and then make fun of you for it.

You are the parent. You get to decide.

Also, seriously--Lucky Magazine? I read you because I want to get away from the "moms should do this and that" crap that bombards me every effing day in this country. All I want from you is to know whether ruching is in this fall and how to wear suede booties with a sweater dress and why shea butter is the miracle that's going to solve all my hair problems. I do not want misogynistic mommy drive-by ads in your pages. If you want to take ads from the hacks at Motrin (who apparently have never heard of a focus group), force them to give you ads about pain and *actual* fashion. They could have done a heck of an ad about stilettos and other painful shoes, but they chose the easy, inaccurate, bottom-feeding low-hanging fruit. Don't participate in the proliferation of mom-guilt on the hardworking women of the world. We get enough of it every day from people wearing Christmas sweaters. We want your magazine to be a safe space.

I think I'm going out to buy a big bottle of Advil tomorrow.

(Hey--if you're feeling carpal tunnel-type pain from lifting or carrying a baby or toddler, before you despair or get cortizone shots or dope yourself up on a pain reliver that starts with M that I'll never buy again, try homeopathy. Go to a health food store and plunk down $6 for a tube of pellets of Rhus Toxicodendron. Get 30x if they have them--if not get whatever dose they have. Take one under your tongue three times a day. If it's the proper remedy for your kind of pain, you should feel less inflammation and pain within three to four days. Keep taking until the pain is gone. If it isn't doing anything after four days, then it's the wrong remedy for you, so you can stop. Safe for breastfeeding, and no interactions with anything else! I had debilitating carpal tunnel from lifting my horse of a firstborn, and his pediatrician, who is also a homeopath, prescribed Rhus toxicodendron for me, and it worked like a charm. So I'm passing it on to you, the pain sufferers of the internet.)

Comments

[Moxie]

OK, I really wonder if people are reading things into my tone that I didn't intend at all. Meagan said I was being dismissive. And I responded with this:

"Hey, Meagan, what if you bought a pair of running shoes and they really hurt your feet? Would you just accept that and keep running until you needed to take pain relievers? Or would you look for a different kind of shoes, ones that fit your feet better? Why is it OK to say "just tough it out" with a babywearing device when they're not all made the same and the one you have may just not fit you very well?"

I know I should just let it go, but I honestly did not intend to be harsh at all. I intended to bring up a parallel but much less charged situation and make my point, which is that pain happens but it's not your fault--it's equipment failure.

I really don't want to feel this way, but my feelings are a little hurt that after all the posts I've done on how breastfeeding can hurt but there's a difference between getting used to it and something being wrong, etc. you guys were so ready to assume I was being nasty to Meagan.

[hush]

Moxie, I'm really sorry your feelings are hurt. May I explain what I think might be the perception about your comments yesterday & invite others to provide caring feedback to you as well?

It wasn't that you were being "nasty" to Meagan - nasty is too strong a word - it was the surprising difference in the tone of your response to Meagan's innocuous comment versus that of the tone you used with the person who left what I thought to be a rudely-worded, snarky comment about eating M&Ms. So I heard your response to Meagan as invalidating, like you didn't actually believe she had tried everything but still felt pain, that's all. IMHO, your comment came across as exasperated by Meagan's pain instead of supportive.

No worries, Moxie - I for one still worship the ground you post on!

[Moxie]

Ah. Gotcha. Maybe it was easier for me to be dispassionate about homeopathy, but not about pain?

[Anna]

Moxie, I second hush on the worship. "Moxie says" is a regular mantra around our house.

And I winced a bit when I read your responce to Meagan. To me, your comparison sounded flip, not like a less-charged parallel. Like, "would you do this? Of course you wouldn't, unless you are a total idiot!"

I know that wasn't what you were saying AT ALL, but your passion about not accepting pain as our lot as mothers translated as judgement at first. I am in Meagan's situation--carrying my baby, even in the most fabulous carrier, hurts after a while. I have scoliosis, my infant was colicky and only happy in the Moby, and she was fairly heavy. That added up to pain--less pain than holding her in arms, and less pain for her--but some level of consistent (manageable) pain for me nonetheless.

I am completely on board with not being a martyr, but in my experience, having a child involves some level of sacrifice--even pain--emotionally, physically, socially, in even the best-equipped parent. The rewards are incredible, but it can be a painful slog at times...

Thank you for giving us the knowledge and support to make it less so. You are tackling a touchy subject, this parenting thing, every day. You are bound to be misread occasionally, and I admire your ability to clarify with sensitivity and tact, to respond with reason and thought, to support without strings attached. I think in some ways you are cursed by our high, high expectations of you. And the incredible thing is that even in not living up to them, you do.

[Suki]

I feel like something has shifted on this site -- it used to be a 'feel good' place where people could laugh, cry, vent, and support one another and walk away feeling validated and reinvigorated for another day of motherhood. In recent weeks it seems a lot more hostile, like people's feelings are being hurt on an increasingly regular basis. Does anyone else feel this? If so, is there anything we can do to return to a softer place? This, during my two first years of motherhood, was my soft place to fall. Now I browse and feel, I dunno, a little yucky, like the tone's a little harsher than need be. Maybe I've changed. Maybe the community's changed. Maybe it's something in the seasons... ;) Any thoughts?

[Foster]

Well, Suki, I dont know about everyone else, but I, for one, actually come here LESS now that I have a baby. Mainly this is because I feel confident that I am a good mother & do not currently have any problems that havent already been covered by past questions. Im also becoming less and less interested in hearing what other people think I should do or assume I already do (or dont do) as a mother. It is not going to help anyone else out if I come around here w/ my parenting snark (&, really, I hold my tongue here *A LOT*). Maybe everyone is more comfortable w/ being here now after all this time that we feel we can afford to show a bit of our not-as-nices?

[hedra]

@Suki, there's a bit more clipped-ness in the tone, perhaps. But whether that is because everyone is overworked, or the sun is receding and we all need more vitamin D (at least us northern hemisphere folks), or what, I'm not sure. And hey, I haven't been taking up scads of space distracting from the chatter with posts that go on for 12 paragraphs, so people can take time to think before responding while trying to figure out if they should really read the endless content I stuck in there ... heh. Yes, slight shift in tone, but it feels seasonal to me.

@Foster, I was a 32J the last time around. You probably already know this stuff, but I'll spell it out for anyone who doesn't: The place I went to get fitted said the weight should be held mostly on the chest band, not the shoulders (or rather, distributed through both areas). If the band hitches up AT ALL in the back, then you'll end up with back and shoulder pain, and the way the straps join the band will affect how it feels - so your bra may fit properly, but could still be the wrong design for your body shape, based on the angle of the bands, how the cups sit on the chest band, etc. It can take me a couple hours to find one that suits me, since I have a tall and (relatively) slim frame, with very VERY high set bbs, that happen to also be large, and medium-broad shoulders. If I was slim and narrow, or broad-shouldered and low-set, or some other configuration, I'd fit more easily. I was astonished at the difference of getting the right total design/layout for my body - and also at the difference in getting an underwire that was made properly (where the wire lies flat against the middle of your armpit area on the side, and only serves as a frame for the fabric, not for the bbs themselves). Anyway, while I had many properly *sized* nursing bras, the french ('Le Mystere') brand were the only ones that really *fit* properly. Therefore the most comfortable from back and shoulder perspective. Unfortunately, they took two hands to close, sometimes.

And ditto on the 'how come those bras cost so much?' - now that I'm down to a DD cup, I'm able to buy the cheap ones again (still takes me two hours to find the right design, though).

ALL that said, if I hunched at all, or my straps slipped longer, or I didn't move absolutely perfectly with a carrier on, I could end up in a deep long ache for a while. Add in that I'm hypermobile (stretchy collagen) and carrying kids - while great - could also generate a fair bit of joint, back, and muscle pain. It just does, for me. And I just keep doing it anyway, because it works.

@calliboo - I made a mei tai of mid-weight cotton canvas lined with terry. Used that in hot sweaty summertime a lot. Have even used it with Miss M, recently, and she's a preschooler. I used the instructions linked at thebabywearer.com, I think.

Also ditto all the comments about the baby chooses what they like. BUT, note for anyone whose baby dislikes being carried in slings and such, and tying into the chiropractic or cranial sacral or osteopathy questions, Mr G hated the sling, pretty much. We later found out he was really torqued around, spine-wise (way later), and I bet he'd have been more comfy in the sling and out of it if he'd been aligned right to start with. (His symptoms were very active sleep, snoring, and sweating while sleeping - all of which went away when he was finally straightened out at four years old.). If you think it might be an issue, it might also help. Flip side, Mr B started chiropractic at about 2 months old, and he was still a 'down baby' - loved the sling, but really preferred to explore whenever possible. We use a chiropractor who trained specially for pediatrics, which has some different techniques.

We also used slings and strollers for the twins issue. I always had a sling on me, and would swap the girls in and out of the sling, to and from the stroller. I occasionally double-slung them (two slings, not two in one sling) when they were quite small, and used to nurse them tandem in public using two slings - awkwardly, but could do it. Our family doc still thinks that's the coolest thing he's ever seen. BUT, they were amenable to that for only so long, and then it was one at a time, and then it was one back carry one hip, and then it was one back one front, then back to only one at a time again, then backpacks not slings, then back to hip carry in sling, meanwhile alternating someone in and out of strollers. Ever-changing, based on what was working. Love the really good Kelty backpacks. They rock, buy them on sale, though. Ouchies for price, comfy for the body (weight is carried on the hips, the shoulder straps only serve to hold it against your body - NO weight carried on shoulders when they're fitted right!).

I'm generally used to pain, because of the hypermobility. I also had a lot of pain with breastfeeding - and so I'd personally tweak the statement to 'if it hurts, something isn't perfect, but it also might not be something you can fix or that you need to fix; check and find out, then proceed from there' - for me, first go, Mr G had a too-firm latch. Clamp-like. Ouch. It was well-set, but too hard. If I had known to find an oral behaviorist (if I could find one at all), it might have been helped - he had an oral aversion, though he had a fine position of latch. But ... no knowledge, and everyone told me it would just get better around 6 weeks, which it did. The next two times, though, I discovered that I'm one of the 10% of moms who have an inflammatory response to lactation starting. So I got hot, tender, and swollen badly for the first two weeks the next two goes with breastfeeding. And I mean 'tender' like 'feels like every milk duct is being sliced open end-to-end with each letdown'. Freaking *agonizing*. Not thrush, not bad latch, 'just' inflammatory reaction. Lucky me!

Fortunately, ibuprophin works for me, worked for the kids (if any got to them at all), and made it only 'break-a-sweat' level pain instead of 'bite-through-lip-trying-to-not-scream' level pain. Whee. Again, there might be other solutions to that problem, but I was told it was temporary, it wasn't enough to make me stop. So, 'something not right' yes, but 'not really worth doing anything about', too. At least, not beyond ibu, once I knew what was causing it.

RE: homeopathy and any other form of any other alternative or complementary medicine. My feeling is that if it works, it works, and I don't really care how most of the time. I will say that many of the children's homeopathy products use lactose as a base, which is a known endorphin trigger in infancy and childhood. So it could still just be the lactose in those (even sucrose works, clinically drops the cortisol level). In that sense, a sugar pill might work as well. So, my skeptic side. But they said the same about acupuncture, and now use it for anesthesia in animals, who are unlikely to lie about whether they're anesthetized, or feel better, etc... And they're now seeing the brain activity from accupuncture is different from even fake accupuncture (same needles, wrong sites). I withhold any judgment, and use the alternative methods that work for me. Homeopathy hasn't been one that really works well for me, so far. Instead, even *less* likely methods have worked (HK, energy work, woo-out-there stuff). Go figure.

[CG]

I think one great thing about this site (especially on the sleep issues) has always been the idea that moms and dads need to figure out approaches that work for _them_ and for _their kids_. For example, some kids need to cry a little before they go to sleep; others don't benefit from that at all. Likewise, some parents and kids get a lot out of certain parenting techniques (like babywearing) and others don't. And that's ok, because we are all unique and every family is a constellation of unique people.

This community has been really good about not clinging to polarizing ideologies and instead taking a much more pragmatic approach, which is why I come here. Before having my son I would have probably said I agreed with a lot of the AP philosophy. When he was a couple months old I skimmed a copy of Babywise that my cousin had given me (that I had immediately dismissed as right-wing nutjob drivel) and realized that we were basically taking the approach he recommended. Not because I thought it was the best or only way to do things, but because we had fallen into a pattern that _in our family_ made for a happy baby and happy parents. I think that's everyone's goal here--to keep an open mind, to help each other find workable solutions to common problems, and to support each other in this joyful but challenging role of being a parent. Ta da--off my soapbox now.

[Maura]

Moxie, I'm just reading your comment re: hurt feelings now. Sorry I didn't respond earlier, especially since I was one of the commenters "calling you out."

To me, the thing that got me about your response to Meagan was the way it started, "Hey, Meagan..." To me, it shot me right back to highschool, where if you didn't agree with the cool girls (one of whom I was, most definitely, NOT), you were totally out. I felt like there was no real way to create a dialog when you started by essentially highlighting how you thought she was wrong. Does that make sense?

I argued back and forth with myself whether or not to say anything. I finally decided to say something because I felt like you would want to know if you said anything that could be construed as harsh/hurtful/nasty, etc. I do NOT think what you said fell at all into the "nasty" end of the spectrum. Just maybe a spur of the moment comment when we're used to more measured discourse from you.

I do agree with Suki that I've noticed a little change in the tone of AskMoxie recently. I don't know if it's seasonal, or related to the changes in your personal life, or something else entirely. I also don't know if it's good or bad. I just think I've seen a few more "I'm right" posts when in the past we would have seen a "I'll tell you what works for me, and then let's see what works for other people" posts.

Again, I certainly NEVER intended to hurt your feelings. I always refer my new mother friends to AskMoxie, and I greatly respect your opinion. I just felt like you'd want to know if you were coming across differently than you intended.

[meggiemoo]

re homeopathy: One more data point. I worked with a holistic vet for quite awhile, and we generally saw the chronic cases that conventional meds weren't fixing (severe skin/food allergies, for example). The vet used a combination of therapies (acupuncture, conventional meds, homeopathy). The homeopathy worked wonders when sometimes nothing else would. Since I didn't see how the placebo effect would apply to animals, this was pretty powerful proof to me that, when administered by a skilled homeopath, it can work when nothing else will.

BUT...if you try to self-diagnose and/or use combination therapies, it probably won't work for you. It's an art as much as a science, and IMO, you need a good homeopath to get the best result.

I suppose I've noticed a bit of a change in the tone here lately as well, and attributed it to a combination of the changes in Moxie's life and possibly a slightly different user base? I still come here every day, not so much for my own issues, which have thankfully mostly resolved themselves now that my son is almost 3, but to see if I can contribute anything to anyone else. Pay it forward, as it were...

[Meagan Francis]

Wow, I'm just coming back to this after a few days, had no idea there were so many follow-up comments. FWIW my feelings weren't hurt by Moxie's response to me, but I did think maybe she hadn't really understood my comment, hence the follow-up. And by using the "dismissive" word I wasn't talking specifically about Moxie, but referring to that overall sentiment "babywearing shouldn't hurt, if it does you're doing it wrong..." which I have seen over and over, definitely not just here!

I used to hang out a lot at Ask Moxie. I have had less time for reading blogs in general recently but still think of yours as a very valuable voice in the blogging world, especially as an AP-leaning mom who's not huge on labels but doesn't do everything the "common" way either.

[laura]

If this hasn't been posted, it should be. Here is a link to a great spoof of the Motrin ad in question:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpqpAGLS2t4

Loved it.

[order carisoprodol online]

Of course, pain cause by such product is due to its improper use. Wear it properly and you will not feel pain.

[babyhawk]

Using things by following the safety precautions will amke your experience worthwhile.

[baby carrier]

Using things in an intelligent way and following safety precautions will help maximize their benefits.

[K wander]

Thanks for sharing the valuable info about back pain.

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[Anggri]

I love how you organized your post it's aeowsme! What are you using for the thumbnail strips? Good luck on that detox girl! Sounds tough but I know you can do it. And? Your girlie is so cute love the cottage cheese face!

[Naohiro]

Actually:"Maybe we should look for our bkaapccks instead of leaving right away". Trans:"Quizas deberiamos buscar nuestras mochillas en vez de irnos de seguido".

[Caroly]

Take Motrin for the pain, prior to going to sleep.That is a short term solution to the polbrem, however.You need to change the way you deliver the News papers.Alternate hands and arms.I had the same polbrem years ago with a computer Mouse.I trained my self to you the Mouse with my left hand not an easy task for a right handed person. Also, use stretching exercises to relieve the stress in the arm that bothers you.Sandy

[Scott]

I've tagged you in a post with a fact and a link about bberwaaying, however when I went to your Facebook page, I couldn't find my post? I made sure that I tagged you though so I don't know what happened? I also posted the giveaway on my page

[Diksshing]

I have started hanvig major back pain, mainly in my lower back, but have never been to a doctor for it. Unfortunately in high school I chose to march a tuba in band for three years straight about 20-25 hrs. a week. I am only 4'10 and 105 lbs. Also, I am a waitress and I have to carry 50-60 lb. trays all day full of food. I have tried taking advil, tylenol w/codeine, ibuprofen- everything, even stonger stuff. Nothing has worked, except for my father's vicodin which he lets me take on occasion. I want to go to the doctor and have him help me with this problem, but I don't want to come off as a drug-addicted young person begging for pills, but so far vicodin is the only thing that has seemed to do the trick. And I don't like going to the chiropractor, I just feel uncomfortable with someone touching my back and it cures the pain for a day then it comes back. So I don't know how to tell the doc that I can't get physical help with it.I dont really believe in taking pills, but lately vicodin has been wonderful to me. What do doctors usually prescribe or recommend for back pain? What do I do?oh I'm 20 by the way

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[Baby Hip Carrier]

I like your post.Definitely if we will not use baby carrier according to the given instructions it will create problems for you such as back pain.Thanks for sharing it.

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[Fariz]

When my daughter was 3 mhtons old, I carried her in the sling while I taught Bible school. One of the helper moms followed me everywhere, determined she was going to catch the baby when she fell out of the sling.And at one point DD's head lightly bumped against a door frame (she didn't even cry), but that same mom rushed over and started inspecting the baby's head to ensure she wasn't seriously injured.I kept thinking, "Geez, lady, you actually think she'd be safer down in the nursery with a 5:1 child-to-adult ratio and toddlers running everywhere?"

[Eakal]

Hello Amy,I was very sad to read about your sister being in hostpial. It isn't nice to be in pain and wanting it to stop.I hope Katie is able to feel better soon so she can be home with the people she loves. That would be a wonderful Christmas gift.Ross Mannell (teacher)NSW, Australia