The red-eye sucks

I'm back from the West Coast. Jet-lagged, cranky, and happier to be in New York than I thought I could be.

Halloween is upon me, and I'm trying to dig out from being gone for so long.

But! Monday I resume Ask Moxie posting. Questions, questions, questions. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Comments

[pnuts mama]

happy halloween, everyone!

poking my head out of a huge pile to say i try and read as much as i can to keep up and stay connected- love to all and have a safe and fun and candy-filled (or whatever your eating restrictions allow) holiday!! mwah!!

[Archivist Alison]

Red Eye, Schmed Eye. When are you coming to Los Angeles, Moxie??

Have a fantastic Halloween, folks!

[Cobblestone]

Happy Halloween!

Why didn't anybody warn me that the first night that JC slept a LONG time I would get to watch him do it because of the engorgement??????

[hydrogeek]

Oh Cobblestone...we have failed you. So um, that will totally happen. (Better late than never?)

Happy Halloween, all!

[SarcastiCarrie]

Cobblestone - Sorry, we should have mentioned that. I just hope JC was able to latch on to that rock-hard part and help you out of that situation. (Back in the day, most of my pumping stash was pumped at 3 am after kiddo could only finish one humongous side. I had to pump the other side out so I could sleep.)

[Julie]

I cannot wait to start breastfeeding so I can start to burn off some of this flab from my ass........14 more weeks to go.

[Jac]

Since no official thread today, this isn't really a hi-jack, but....
.... this weekend is the fall time change here, and am really nervouse that DS is going to be waking up at 5:30 all next week. Was thinking of trying to keep him up a bit late tonight and tomorrow, but worried this will turn him into over-tired mess. Thoughts? Advice?

[MrsHaley]

@Cobblestone, I'm so with you. DS did 5 hours straight the other night (the only time so far) and by hour 3 I was standing over him, dripping breastmilk on his sleeping head. My husband had to remind me that pumping would help the situation. Duh. I forgot. I am tiiiiired.

Also worried about this weekend's time change, esp. since #1's naps are super-wonky lately (new brother adjustment, molars and being 22 months old). Advice is eagerly anticipated.

[paola]

Jac,

The first night after the end of DLS, Zoe woke at 4.20 rather than her usual 5.30ish, and I had put her to bed an hour later. I have always found that when I put her to bed later than her usual bed time, she tends to wake earlier. However after a week of goign to bed a little later she is starting to wake up at her usual time and even sometimes after her usual time. I started night-weaning the night of the change and so don't know if that has contributed in any way. She wakes, I go in, give her a back rub and then she goes back to sleep. Will have a better idea further along.

[paola]

I guess here in Europe we did the change a week before you guys in the the New World

[Shannon]

My favorite is when your boobs are actually squirting because kid slept through the night. I may have mentioned that at the infamous baby shower last week, to the disgust of all the childless guests. And since you asked, I stuck to my guns and did no alcohol, but I could kind of see how that crowd would have welcomed it with open arms.

Loving my new SAHM gig. Not loving the new "medical food" (aka prescription vitamin) the doctor put me on to boost my antidepressant. So far totally up and down moods, but I remain hopeful.

@SarcastiCarrie, I was reading your blog to figure out where in Chicagoland you live, and I think we are pretty close to each other. I'm in the south 'burbs.

[Amy A]

About the time change: my son has always had a terrible time with this time change. No matter how late he stays up, he never sleeps in. So we adjust his bedtime back 15 minutes every other night, until he is going to bed at the new time. It is still traumatic, but not as bad as trying to do it all in one night. Good luck!
PS. He is 8 now, and we still do this. But it is not quite as critical as it was when he was a baby/toddler.

[Shannon]

Oh, and let me just add, for those of you who may be thinking of me as a huge prude, I have absolutely no problem with alcohol. I like a good margarita, beer, or glass of wine as much at the next guy. Just not at an afternoon baby shower.

[Julie]

Just set your expectations LOOOOOW for the time change and put in your head it will take about a week for the little one to adjust.

And I still think this fall back one is a smack in my motherhood face - the one that once delivered such a wonderful gift is now actually stealing an extra hour away from me.

[sherry]

I seem to have one of the only kids who will sleep later if I put her to bed later. Lucky me.

[chapmanchick]

re: engorgement while baby sleeps.... try lying down beside baby and brush your nipple against his/her lips. chances are he/she will latch on and nurse without even waking up!

[CaliBoo]

I don't have any advice re: time change, as I will be going through it for the first time with my nearly 7 mo daughter. Moxie in her infinite wisdom has already covered this topic (http://www.askmoxie.org/2006/04/daylight_saving.html), and the comments lead me to believe that it's going to suck, but it's not going to be my fault.
Good luck to all and Happy Halloween!

[nej]

Muppet's been weaned for almost a month now and he's cutting molars (not one, but two!) and last night I found myself wishing that I could shove my boob in his mouth and ease his pain. I even contemplated doing it...just to see what would happen. In my crazed, sleep-deprived stupor, I actually considered putting a smooshy, deflated, no longer a pleasant B-cup but now I can't even deal with the fact that (recently confirmed in the Macy's dressing room with tears in my eyes) they're an A-cup, milk-less boob in my teething child's mouth because I was just...so...desperate! for sleep that I would do just...about...anything! I longed for the days when my magical breasts would make everything better, or at least a little quieter. As much as the memory of hot and painfully engorged breasts makes me cringe, I would have given just about anything last night to ease my poor, not-so-baby-anymore baby's pain. He was ripping my heart out and smashing it between his swollen gums.

Molars (and DST) are the current bane of my existence.

[Michelle]

Um, I have a little bit of a topic hi-jack as well.

So my little guy is doing pretty well on potty training during the day. Yay! His teacher told me yesterday that she thinks he is ready to start wearing underwear during the day (just be ready for lots of accidents). Great news, huh?

I would really like to get some of the Gerber training undies like Moxie mentions. The kind that look like real underwear with extra fabric in the crotch to help absord accidents. I just think this would work a little better than regular toddler underwear particularly as we head into colder weather.

But um, I can't seem to find them anywhere local. All my local Target had was the plasticy kind of training pant. Ick! Any other ideas on where to look? Would the giant obnoxious big box baby store have any?

I guess if worse comes to worse, I can just send him in regular undies until the Gerber training undies are delivered from an online source.

Feel free to e-mail with any and all suggestions!

Thanks!

[nej]

Oh, and I forgot to share this because it is totally unrelated to DST or engorged/deflated boobs, but DH was bathing Muppet the other night and had stripped him naked while getting the bath ready. Muppet apparently walked up to the heating vent in the floor of the bathroom and proceeded to pee in it. DH had a hard time recounting the story he was laughing so hard. Then he says, "Maybe Muppet's ready for potty-learning," in an off-handed way and it hit us all of a sudden...he's 15 months old. Holy cow. He's maybe getting ready for PL. Already? Really? He's going up and down the stairs all on his own and will only eat foods he can feed himself. He might as well get his driver's license and move out already...at least that's what it feels like.

[Heather]

Hey Moxie! Happy Last Day at The Job! Best wishes on your new endeavors!

[Parisienne Mais Presque]

We got back two weeks ago from a trip to Seattle with a 15-month-old and nine hours of jetlag.

So time changes stink. But they're survivable! We just stuck as close to the normal schedule as we could and waited it out, and slowly but surely things settled back into place.

Sure, I had a couple of very tough mornings and I complained a lot to my childless and astounded colleagues. And there was that everyone-in-the-family-up-for-a-three-hour-party-at-midnight thing in the middle of the week. But that's not all that unusual even when we stay in our own time zone.

However, when Europe "fell back" last week and brought us an hour closer to Seattle, I cried hallelujah.

[Sharon aka Mommie Mentor]

nej: I don't think he's ready for potty training UNLESS you're ready and willing to go through several regressions. What you're seeing him do is experimenting. He is thinking "Here's a cool idea, let's see what happens if I pee on the radiator, and lets see what dad looks like when I do it!"

He's cognitively too young to understand all that's involved in potty training for it to begin now and go smoothly. It can go smoothly, or relatively smoothly, when done at the right developmental stage. Or he will get confused and use his upcoming power stages to show you who the boss is and if he's doing potty training, guess where he'll place his power attempts?

Training Pants: Personally I'm against them. Don't throw tomatoes just yet, great way to calm the crowd Alexis!

I know you need pull-ups for school, but you can also tell your child these are for *out of the house only*, at home we wear regular panties so you can learn. Training underware was created to extend the time you're paying the diaper company, and they are *marketed* to you as a way to help potty train. There is a reason why toddler underwear is uncomfortable when a child pees in them, it reminds them to make it to the potty. The diaper companies have even back tracked to include this in their new marketing. Their new marketing says, "our new pull-ups share wet clues with your child". How many chemicals did they have to put in your child's pull-up so your child can feel the wet sensation? Why pay for that, let them, if they are ready feel how wet and cold underwear is when they pee in them. You can't tell this is one of my pet peeves, can you!!!

Time changes: This helped with one child, the other one, no way.
We put a blanket over the window to keep the sun out for a little while longer as he adjusted to the time change. Blackout blinds are another way to go.

Engorged breasts: This one I can speak about! I had mastitis about every other week for the first 6 months with each of my babies. Latching on incorrectly, and very large breasts were my issue. Try a really hot shower. The hot water will release some of the milk and help you wait until the baby wakes up. You guys are lucky there were no breast pumps easily available when I had children.

Deflated breasts: They say, and I experienced this, that breast tissue does go back to it's original size, or pretty close to it, about 7 years after you've completed your last nursing experience. Don't know if you wanted to hear that or not?

[anon]

@Shannon - Um, why ask for everyone's advice (which was a resounding "YES, serve alcohol") if you were just going to ignore everyone??!! It's irritating when people decide to thread-hijack, particularly when they don't even appear to *honestly* be looking for input on a parenting issue. What about all the folks out there who have submitted burning questions through the proper channel? I'll be glad to read more insightful posts and comments again. Yes, I know I'm a total bitch who has issues.

[aa]

@bitch who has issues - cheers! (pun intended) I bit my tongue earlier after reading the whole "I'm not a prude just because I won't serve alcohol at a baby shower even though it was clearly what everyone, including the guest of honor, wanted" post but I couldn't help myself but to cheers you. Think I'll go pour myself a glass of wine. :)

[ada]

@Shannon aka........SEVEN YEARS?! Lord help me. My problem is the opposite of the Nej. I went from a 32DD before kids to a 30G *after* nursing. I'd love, love, love to have smaller boobs, deflated or not!! sigh

[&BabyMakes75]

re: the Shannon thread... I don't have the time to look up the exact quote right now put I urge us to please remember that one never knows what battle anyone else is fighting. One of the hardest things I think to learn as an adult who wants to make a positive change in the world is that we can't change others and that we must give the benefit of the doubt... An emotional issue can be thought of the same as a broken arm or leg etc. for which one would have immediate sympathy and one would certainly help.

re: Halloween - I'm bummed because I just ran out of all my goodies and it is only 7:30pm. I feel bad for the kids but I bought about $25 worth of assorted stuff, more than 100 pieces of animal crackers, stickers, crayons, etc. Guess we all do what we can do.

Rhetorical question: should I feel bad that I ate my son's chocolate from the 10 houses we went to b/c I know he won't remember tom'w that he got some?! (I think the stomachache on my part will be consequence enough...)

Re: leaking: I used to pump very first thing in the morning, once my son was in a "pattern" of waking after 6am, I woke at 5:30am and could pump almost two 5-oz Meleda bottles and was still able to nurse at 6:15ish. Our bodies can be truly remarkable. But, past a certain point, I did sleep with an ice pack instead of pumping first thing for when I didn't need to pump so much (after he was eating a lot more solid food). There were certainly nights when I would wake up in what I thought was a sweat but really milk-soak. Ugh yet still remarkable.

[Hope]

Re: time changes - a benefit of living in this part of Australia is that they do not have daylight savings time. The clocks never change. Bizarre. It has been debated by the gov and other folks for years. The farmers complain that the cows won't know when to eat, etc. The hotels complain that the tourists won't know where the beach is...or something like that. : ) All I know is that it is one less thing that I have to worry about.

I always thought the breast engorgement was amazing(yet painful). I used to poke my husband at 4 AM and say "Feel that!!" It kind of made me proud that I could produce so much milk. Ah...first time motherhood. It is all an adventure.

[Shannon]

Funny how I was just telling somebody today that I love Ask Moxie because nobody is really mean to one another in their comments. I guess I was wrong.

[&BabyMakes75]

Another incredibly hard thing that I have faced in my life is asking for what I need. May we all learn to do that without guilt. (And may we all learn to understand that not everyone is in that place right now to do that.)

To be specific about above, I have another thought about the baby shower/advice listening thread. Shannon, it sounds as if you wanted validation for a decision that you'd already made. For what it's worth, I think that can be a terrific use of this site. My guess is that you would have received more positive feedback if you had phrased your original question closer to what you wanted such as, "I really don't want to serve alcohol at an afternoon shower. Advice about how to tactfully say 'no' when that was requested?"

I think it's all about growth as emotionally intelligent beings and accepting that we are all at different phases of that growth process.

[Sharon aka Mommie Mentor]

I forgot to mention that the underwear I mentioned in my rant against pull-ups are not the thin underwear children wear after they're successfuly potty trained, it's the underwear that has extra padding in the crotch to let the child know he's wet. I think they sell them at WalMart or Target, not sure. Happy Halloween!

[Michelle]

@Sharon...I was talking about the undies with extra padding. Like the ones Moxie mentions in this post. http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/04/qa_making_the_l.html

Just a mix-up in communication. I happen to agree with what you were saying though. My son has been in pull-ups for 6ish months. Not because I think they help with potty training but because they are easier to get off/on for potty attempts at daycare. If he has something better to do (toys or Diego) then he is prone to peeing in his pullup and THEN telling me that he made a "yuck". I think the undies will help push him get rid of this annoying habit and well on the way to being fully potty trained.

[Sharon aka Mommie Mentor]

Michelle, the link in your post didn't work for me the first time. Oops.

[Sharon aka Mommie Mentor]

Michelle, I'm just about to write my Coffee-Talk piece for November and your situation reminded me to put this part in too.

Practicing is one of the best ways I know of to respond to a child. And your potty situation is a great example.

What if you and your child did a practice session over the weekend. Make a game out of it.

Get a timer and see how many times he can pull the pull-up up and down in 10 seconds or whatever. Then repeat in about an hour or so.
Each time see if he can do it for 1 more second. He thinks he's doing this to best his last time, you're doing this so he can practice pulling them off quickly when he's waited too long to go pee. Make sure there's lots of cheering going on and no rewards. I don't know your child, but no parent wants their child to demand a reward as he successfully getting the potty thing working.

This will do two things.
One you'll be able to see where he's getting stuck in the pull up and pull down process as you cheer him on.
And two you're being ProActive. By teaching him how to do this pull-up thing quickly he gets to feel successful before another accident occurs.

This "beat your own best time" type thing can work through out childhood and can help reduce sibling comparisons or competition. Give it try, he may amaze himself!

[Sharon aka Mommie Mentor]

After re-reading Michelle comment I realize my response was created on an idea that I forgot to mention.

The idea is in order to teach a child not to do something you can go backwards and re-teach and then bring him forward in the process again. In this case your child is too busy to stop so he goes in his pull-up. One way to change that is to go backwards and re-teach him the goal of wearing the pull-up. That's where the game fits in.
Sorry I missed that in round one, I need to stop now.

[AmyinTexas]

I hate Daylight Savings Time.

I like Shannon.

I probably like anon too...

[Michelle]

Thanks Sharon! That is a good idea. I use that idea to keep him from dawdling on his way to school, so it should work great for the pottying. His teacher also recommended that I buy several pairs of sweats or track pants that are easier to get on/off.

Plus I have a 9 year old stepson that my little one worships so I think it might help if he has undies just like big brother. And of course, big brother goes potty on the toilet.

I'm actually not too worried about it as he isn't even 2.5 yet. Yeah, we don't use rewards other than lots of praise.

[CaliBoo]

I just have to pout somewhere, but I'm not looking for advice, b/c I've learned my lesson. We left a bowl of candy out with a note saying "help yourself" since we didn't want the doorbell going off while DD tries to go to sleep. By 8 pm all candy, the bowl, and the table it was on are gone. So much for finding a "nice" neighborhood. I understand mischief, but stealing anything that isn't nailed down just b/c we dared not personally hand out candy is just being a sucky human being.
Next year, we're just going to turn the sprinklers on the driveway and the sidewalk in front of our house. See if the little snots feel like getting wet to rip us off.

[Moxie]

@anon and Shannon, I'm going to drink some alcohol tomorrow afternoon (Saturday) as a peace offering for the two of you.

Michelle, try KMart. They seem to have the random stuff you don't know you need (like the Nuby cup and those padded underpants). If not, then I think you can order them from Amazon.

@nej, my older one started potty training at 16 months. It was fun--mostly playing around and handing us toilet paper, and running around inside with no underpants on and peeing into the potty. It wasn't perfect, but we did save a ton of diapers, and I know it was great for his process of communication and self-esteem. He wasn't completely out of diapers until 27 months (for daytime), but that's still way early for a boy. I'd still hop on it again if I had it to do over.

[Moxie]

The table?????

I'm speechless.

[Dawn]

@Michelle - I bought those underpants at Babies R Us. I believe I found them near the Gerber cloth diapers.

@Caliboo - that's crazy about the table. Sorry that happened to you.

[hedra]

Man, the table? Sheesh.

And @ the anons, the tone at Shannon I think was uncalled for, especially here. I'm sorry you felt that she was required to take the advice that was offered, and that time-sensitive but low-life-priority hijacks bother you - apparently this is very important to you, though I'm really not sure why. People take tangents all the time, and mainly they get a few replies but nothing thread altering... that one got a LOT of replies, which wasn't exactly Shannon's fault. I'm a bit confused as to why this was so upsetting for you that you felt a need to go anon and post mean-spiritedly. It clearly touched a nerve, though, so you have my sympathy for the nerve that was touched. I do wish you had sympathy for the possibility that nobody provided enough reason for her to change her position. And for the fact that she also observed and learned more in the process, and said so.

[paola]

On re-reading Moxie's comment I found no mention of a topic for today and so it would be impossible to hijack something that doesn't exist.

So.....((bitchy anons, cut to the next post as I'm hijacking big time)

Can anyone tell me if a child (22 months) can have lesions on the face (mosquito like bites) if they have hand foot and mouth disease? She has a few on her hands too, but none anywhere else. She had a slight fever for a couple of days and can't keep anything down except breastmilk. My ped was a way yesterday so will have to wait till Monday (if she sees me, that is). Oh and BTW, I thought it might be chicken pox, but don't you get the spots on the chest mainly?

[hedra]

Chicken pox tends to start on the chest and torso, then spread toward the extremities, I think.

The lesions are usually on, in, or around the mouth, and on the hands, feet, and sometimes spread to the buttocks and torso in younger kids. They may just be raised bumps, or they may crust and thicken. The can be itchy or non-itchy. It can have a fever or not have much of a fever (annoying isn't it?).

It does sound like it could be. You could do Google images and compare it to lesions there, or try Medline Plus, which has a Rashes section that has pictures of different rashes (up close and at more of a distance).

Either way, sorry you have to wait for the official diagnosis.

[hedra]

Er, paragraph 2 above is referring to Hand Foot Mouth.

[hedra]

Hmm. I'm also wondering if the anons who posted with frustration have a different motivation for asking for advice than Shannon did? I have a friend who only asks for advice when she really has no idea what way to go. I tend to ask for advice when I'm generally looking for other information to incorporate even if I think I already know which way I'm going - I just want to be sure I didn't miss a major argument for/against my direction. For obvious reasons, we do NOT give each other advice - she gets frustrated with me because I tend to give information, when she wants DIRECTION, and she gets annoyed with me because I ask for advice but then still go my own path, 90% of the time the advice didn't cover any ground I hadn't already considered - when she thought she was going to get to tell me which route to take to what destination (and felt rejected when I didn't usually just up and follow her direction). The 10% of the time that I have new and powerful information, I do change direction, but I'm still using my own compass, and it doesn't match hers - so even then, it would frustrate her and leave her confused.

Since I don't expect her to actually NEED direction (since I don't use advice that way myself), I also get confused when she seems to be asking for direction or if she takes my advice without applying her own issues, concerns, and situation to it - in which case it would go wrong for her, too.

We learned many years ago that either of us asking the other 'what do you think?' was a recipe for a fight, hurt feelings, or confusion and disappointment. She feels rejected if I don't do what she said, and I feel dismayed that she ever thought I was asking for more than 'more data points to work from, please'.

Anyway, I'm wondering if that's the essence of the anger, frustration, and sense of rejection and resentment I read in those replies. She was asking for 'what else might I consider' and people thought she was asking to be told 'what to DO'. There'd be no reason to either imply or say 'if you were just going to do what you wanted, why ask for advice?' if the assumption was 'she just wants data points and ideas and perspective, with which to make her OWN decision'. The only reason to respond that way is if the assumption was 'I am going to let you choose my path for me, please tell me what to do'. Yes?

I want to note, for the record, that both types of asking are TOTALLY VALID. I think most people do both at different times, too. But we just call them both the same thing.

[paola]

Thanks hedra. Yeah, I guess what you're saying is that it's not clear cut. She has already had HHF&M once and although the spots on her hands are the same, the ones on her face are totally different and look like she's been attacked by a vicious mosquito. Will have to just wait. Ta again.

[Julie]

Don't worry Shannon- this is still a safe place for you. I'm sorry that a small minority were offended that you ended up not taking their advice......my take on your post sounded more like a needed vent than any advice asking......and many of us here have used this space for such - especially when something was truly bothering us and we just needed to shout somewhere where there would be no IRL ripples.

[Charisse]

@paola, I know you are pretty much on the other side of the world from me, but there has been a virus going around San Francisco that causes a couple days of fever and body aches followed by a quick recovery in some kids, and followed by a weird facial rash and vomiting in others. Possibly just one of this winter's fun offerings too is I guess what I'm saying. And if it is that, it's fairly mild and will hopefully be better in another couple days.

Mouse has had HFM/coxsackie twice that I know of and the rashes were very different looking--in both cases though, the lesions inside the mouth were a key diagnosis point. Hang in there!!

[Lisa F.]

I know sometimes I'll ask for advice because I'm not sure what my gut reaction is, and then when I hear the advice, I can get more clear, saying to myself, "hmm, no that doesn't seem right, I need to do ___."

also, read Shannon's post as venting to a large degree.

Bean rejected his lion costume & appropriated my witch hat at the last minute last night, grabbing his broom & flying around the house, so I had to improvise the rest of his costume. He was thrilled & had a ball.

can't believe kids stole the bowl AND the table. bizarre.

paola hope your little one is better soon.

re: DST, we usu try to fudge bean's bedtime a smidge earlier or later a few days in advance of the time change.

welcome back Moxie.