Q&A: that unbelievably annoying spitting stage

Michelle writes:

"We are flummoxed by my 10 month old’s food-spitting.  It is actually pretty cute…the minute we present him with ANY type of food (baby puree, toast, fruit chunks, even the “puffs” he usually loves) he starts blowing raspberries.  The only problem is that, apart from drinking bottles, he hasn’t had a single bite of any food in several days.  He doesn’t seem in pain, so I don’t *think* he is teething or suffering from a throat infection or something.  Rather, he seems playful or even triumphant about it.  But here’s my question- isn’t 10 months too young for the toddler-style testing?  Is this something babies do when they are leaping forward in other ways?  He is also about to start walking and struggles/fusses a lot in any position other than standing.  Is he basically trying to talk, and I can diffuse some of this behavior by doing baby sign language- which honestly feels a little silly to me?  Is he just destined to reject food and become one of those really picky eaters who only eats fruit roll-ups and peanut butter?"

First of all, I need to put my foot down and insist that no one diss the baby signs. Baby signs have the power, so you can think they're silly all you want, but once you see them in action you'll change your tune. And when your 9-month-old can tell you "more," "all done," "milk," "sleep," and a few other things, you'll be happy you did them.

Now, on to the question. Michelle labeled this a "lighter" question, but I get a version of this at least every month, and some of the parents are truly upset about it. I think it's hard for some parents to see their children testing boundaries and exerting their will so soon. When you've been used to a cuddly, compliant baby and suddenly you have this creature who just won't stop doing something that seems so counter-productive, it can throw you for a loop.

I also think that some parents react with a distress or rage about spitting that's out of proportion to the actual even because it hits something in them. If you were punished or harshly dealt with about eating and food and table manners when you were a baby and toddler, then your child stepping out of line (so to speak) is going to trigger those really anxious, rage-filled feelings in you. If you recognize yourself in that description, good! Now that you know what's going on, you can use those feelings to tell you what you need healing from. It's a good opportunity to give yourself what you didn't get when you were a child.

Now, as for why Michelle's baby (and yours) are doing this spitting thing: Michelle pretty much hit everything. It is too early for toddler testing, but it's right on time for older-baby testing (which no one wants to tell you about for fear that you'd say you were going out for a gallon of milk but you'd never come back). There's a 46-week developmental spurt, and I think part of it is that, but really I just have known so many many kids (both of my own included) who've started to really want to just do what they wanted and now! when they were 10 or 11 months old. 

Add in the physical stuff, and yeah, you've got a would-be tyrant with little ability to make his desires known and a very limited ability to go where he wants to go. You'd be cranky, too, in that situation, and would do whatever you could to piss off The Man

So, seriously, try the sign language (at the Michigan State free ASL dictionary or the Signing Time DVDs), and don't get too upset about the spitting, because it's just a result of frustration on his part plus exploration and being able to do something that feels cool.

Oh, and some of us would be happy if our kids ate both fruit roll-ups *and* peanut butter. Sigh.

Cast your vote in the comments for the most annoying baby/toddler behavior that isn't an actual problem but makes/made you nuts.

Comments

[Jac]

Eeek - Cathy, you hit my beaner on the head. What started as the attention getting cough has just progressed (at 11 months) to the screech which means absolutely everything under the sun. I am late getting on to the sign language bandwagon but am really hoping that will help to lessen the screechiness.

[hedra]

@Cloud, we used durascreen stick for faces, and 'drew pictures' on the kids when they were this age (and then rubbed it in after done drawing). They still ask me to draw on them now and then. (Durascreen was one of the few my kids didn't react to horribly. It's not one of the 'safe safe' kind, though.) Anyway, maybe painting it on her face with a paintbrush might work? (We let G paint the calamine lotion on his chicken pox - back before the vaccine was mandatory in our state - and he preferred that to having anyone else do it.)

@Charisse, I'm with you on the sandwiches. I'd also love kids who would eat soup. Any soup. Plenty of other options, but sometimes soup would be easier...

@Laura, I also loved toddlerhood more than babydom, and preschool more than that, and K-1 even more, and then it's been a more gentle upward transition since about then, but still 'it just gets BETTER' - their brains get so interesting, they develop ideas on their own, they tell stories... okay, so sometimes they cannot stop talking. At all. But it's still cool.

[LC]

@Shaynee - Re:Everything--baby food, table food chunks--is rejected with pursed lips or dramatic gagging.

Has the Dr. recommended testing for reflux? A friend's nursling showed no other signs until solids were introduced, and they didn't catch it until she still wouldn't eat (just nurse) after 2-3 months of being offered (9 mo old).

[z]

Haven't read all comments-- but wanted to reiterate that it is all just exploration and like Moxie and others have mentioned in previous posts kids eat when they are ready. My really good eater (for the most part) didn't start properly eating until he was past the 1 year mark and then he was fine. Before then we had lots of spit up and food everywhere.
As for annoying toddler behavior-- Can i put in a plug for the need to test gravity constantly. Even though the dropping of things comes with a very cute "uh-oh" i really am tired of the panda trying to prove the laws of gravity.

[sam]

My 11.5 month old is reassuringly normal by the looks of things!!

Raspberries, spitting out food, clearing the tray of food when she's finished, and, of course, staring me straight in the face as she drops her cup slowly from the high chair.

I haven't been stressed by any of that really. Perhaps I should be, but I figured the clearing of the tray was her way of being helpful since I always clear the tray when she is finished. I also think that the spitting is her way of feeling new textures and tastes. She has an amazing ability to sort out any lumps. Mashed banana mixed in yoghurt is easily separated. And as for dropping the cup...she always seems so fascinated by the resulting thud. I don't stress because I just fugured that she would eventually grow out of all these social no-nos. I hope I'm right.

What annoys me is the constant fascination with turning the TV on, then off, then on, then off, then...you get the picture!

Crikey!!

I've tried saying No, then picking her up and moving her away from it. Of course, this is a great game. She gives up after the third or fourth move. I also sit with my back to her pretending to be engrossed in one of her books. Then often works in drawing her attention away from the TV.

At 11.5 months, is it too late to start signing & reap the benefits??

[Sam]

Mine (12 months) also really enjoys swiping his arm across his high chair tray and letting the food fly EVERYWHERE! Usually this only happens if he's just DONE and doesn't want to be in his chair any longer.

Yesterday he got angry with me when I said, "No more books, it's time for bed," after we had read oh, ten books and he'd nursed on both sides. He whacked me in the side of the head, and so I simply put him in his crib and walked out of the room. Returned a few minutes later (of course he was howling), and he was very sad but fell asleep within minutes. I wish we could be over this hitting AND biting!

[Julie]

@Laura....it is a lot of fun, most of the time. Don't worry, it gets better. I did not enjoy at all 12-20 months. Those were hard, HARD months. But at about 20(months), things just got hilarious. Alex is now 2.5, and says the most hysterical things. The most recent one is to announce to everyone (no matter where you are - public or at home) "It's TOO HOT for pants!" after which he will remove his pants and walk around in his underwear (he has just learned how to put on and take off his pants by himself and is very VERY proud) Times like those I want to keep him this age forever.....because in about 10 years, that will just be creepy.

And while I would love to be able to use the bathroom alone and without commentary, it IS rather nice to hear "Nice JOB, Mommy! I'm SO PROUD of you." after a bowel movement. TMI? Sorry.

[Salexuel]

If someone started a "rental dog company" for mealtimes, I would so be there! I need an automatic floor-cleaner for the food that ends up down there (both on purpose and otherwise). The peas tend to roll to the far corners of the room, and then we're lucky if we find them....the rest get stepped on - yuck.

[Cloud]

@Sam- 11.5 months is definitely not too late to start signing. We didn't start until about 14-15 months, and it has gone great.

I'll also give you a little encouragement to keep up with the say no and redirect strategy. It was frustrating as all get out at the ~12 month mark, but now, Pumpkin doesn't try to touch the TV, or open the garbage, or go in the "forbidden" room (our office. It is lovely.

[r+k+mama]

1) I am soooo relieved my daughter is getting over the "oatmeal hair" stage. From 10 months to 3 years- it's been a long, painful road, and I've only got about a month or so until #2 starts in but hopefully this stage will be less painful for a boy.
2) I honestly don't know how people have toddlers without having a dog. I think that's why food exploration never bothered me- I NEVER have to pick anything but bananas up (Our pup hates these and smooshes them in the carpet).
3) I know I'm in the minority here but I hated toddlerhood. From about 14 months to 22 months I had to stop myself from jumping off a bridge every time I passed one. No.Patience. For. This. Stage. They're cute as hell and for goooood survival reasons:).
4) You've all inspired me to check out Baby Signs and the Signing Time DVD for my 8 month old. Someone (Maria?) mentioned a parenting 60 day thingy- this would be it for me. I know the last challenge kind of went down the shitter- has there been any talk of doing the parenting one? Maybe after school starts?

[hush]

Amen to all who have said it's exploration. We're always trying to be more chill about things, & go with the flow. That's why I loved what Cassie (@8:15am?) wrote - such a beautiful story about eating a banana with her child playfully & in such a wonderfully light-hearted way, it was so very touching!

Diaper changes are tough/funny - our 9 month-old DS usually does not want to sit still when we decide he needs a change, so we let him run around naked for awhile until he decides to sit for a spell & is finally open to being diapered. (Yes, we've had poop on the rug a few times. But easy enough to clean.)

We introduced solids on his 9-month birthday & immediately started him on table food (pretty much anything we eat that does not contain nuts, honey, seafood, or eggs). Mass-produced, jarred baby food makes ME want to gag so we figured we'd skip it. A friend of ours who started essentially force-feeding her girl rice cereal at 4 months was appalled at our choice to do baby-led table feeding - "but he's never going to learn to swallow!" Seriously? He swallows just fine.

We've been using the sign for "change" since day one, along with "milk," "more," "all done," "bath," and "dog." I thought he was attempting to sign back "more" the other day when he was eating avocados.

[Lisa]

@Kate: Yes, the soap thing. We let T. play with a bar of soap in the tub - what harm could it do, right? Then he got water in his eyes and, just as we'd taught him, calmly wiped it away with his (extremely soapy) hand. Hilarity ensued.

@Suzanna: Yes, the gagging. Sigh. Fist, spoon, whatever. "You gagged yourself!" Laughter. Repeat. And yeah, it's worse if we react (quite hard not to, though I've managed to suppress the full-body shiver at this point) - but by now it's mostly about self-entertainment. He cracks himself up.

[auburn]

Totally there with you. Could have written this except mine is only 7.5 months. Happiest, easiest baby in the world until he decided he wanted to crawl and walk right now, damn it! except he can't do either yet. So he just shrieks in frustration at all the things he wants but can't propel himself to. He is pretty much happiest holding onto things and standing up but well, he's 7.5 months! He can't do that all day long.

And he doesn't spit his food yet, but he does take everything he previously loved to feed himself and throw it to the dogs who gather around his high chair instead. Apparently it is much, much more entertaining to feed them than to feed himself. And he thinks it is hilarious and is just so darn proud of himself when they gobble down whatever he rejects.

I have to just keep reminding myself that he is not unhappy, just frustrated. And that frustration is good, since it is what spawns innovation. And that I want him to test limits and figure out the world for himself. It just makes it more work (and much more exhausting) to hang out with him.

[Cassie]

Coming back to say @Suzanna - how could I possibly have forgotten my own personal insane-maker: the inability to just LIE STILL and go to sleep. It's like you said - the movement is clearly just his way of helping himself to get to sleep, but it has driven me to angry tears more than once. We have: leg kicking, gentle (but persistent) hair pulling (his and mine), head smacking (his), finger pulling/playing with (mine), freckle rubbing (mine), and his current favourite, nose picking (his, thankfully). This all goes on both during a pre-sleep nursing session, and once he's in his cot and I'm patting his back and singing to him. If anyone has any ideas on how not to let this drive me completely bonkers, I'd love to hear it.

@various people - I'm really, really loving toddlerhood. Yes, it is full-on, and exhausting and hard, but holy cow is it fun. You can just SEE their little brains going a mile a minute, and when else do you get to be excited by your kid responding to your husband farting by saying "MORE Daddy poop!"

[Jennifer]

"most annoying for me was the casual hand over the side of the tray, open fingers, while watching mommy with so much intensity that they weren't blinking. Here. goes. my. food. I'm. dropping. it. now. SEE?"

Ah, yes, my almost 3 year old was a master of this. It's just like the Jedi mind trick maneuver!

[marci]

jameson (20 mo) eats everything, which is extra wonderful since he was a micropreemie & intubated 18 weeks & had a feeding tube. i'm not into the watermelon-as-hair-gel thing, but i try not to react & just clean him up later. i don't mind if he drops something legitimately, but i *hate* the swiping food into the floor! argh! i guess it seems disrespectful of the food and the chef to me. he's just getting to the octopus-in-pampers stage. that one will get worse when he can walk, i guess.

he's just starting to sign. he knows 'all done', 'more', and once in a while, 'milk'. but why, WHY didn't he use it last night instead of crying for two hours????

[Alex]

Ah, yes -- administering the diaper change to an octopus. I am reluctant to post this for fear it will stop working, but at the moment (approaching 17 months) my DS is willing to respond (nicely) (even when he's otherwise an upset/mad/hyper/squirming disaster) to two things: "Can Mama have a PEEK-A-BOO???" (and he will...lie peacefully on his back, cover his eyes and then pop his hands off and grin at me), or "Where is Mama's ear/nose (or DS's ear/nose?" -- the two body parts he can identify quite reliably. That produces somewhat more motion and so is a bit more problematic, but still much better than octopus baby.

[Melba]

As soon as my daughter discovered that she could blow raspberries (about 9 mo. old) she started spitting food all over the place. This was also the same time she decided that she'd much rather feed herself (wouldn't eat from what I gave her, only off her tray herself) and then she would proceed to throw her food on the floor piece by piece when she got full, while spitting her milk all over the place blowing raspberries. Oh, and then she'd huck her sippy cup clear across the room. Over.and.over.and.over.again throughout the meal.

I swear I was about to "go out for a gallon of milk and never come back". Once I was so mad about this (the rage Moxie was talking about - oh did I ever feel that) that I hucked a piece of brocolli right back at her when she threw it at me. It stuck to her cheek and I've never felt like such a crap mother. But she eventually outgrew it and now she eats like a champ. No spitting, throwing, or other supremely annoying things. She's 14 mo. now and stopped the annoying behavior at about 12 mo.

[Monica]

Baby's communicate long before most parents start to catch on. My daughter started signing at 7 months and by 14 months had 100 plus "words." Watch Signing Time on PBS or get the DVDs. Now at 19 months her verbal skills are better than age appropriate and she signs words she can't yet say.

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