Book title for a reader?

This just in, from Laura:

"My question/plea of the day is....can you help with the name of a book I know I read about on your site? At some point over the last 12 months, a book on one post --- somewhere--at some point--by someone.....(you are starting to see my dilema)....i know i got the info from your site but can't seem to pull it back out of the archives! The book sounded wonderful but I can NOT remember the details like name or what topic to search your site under. I tried the book reviews but nope....so is there another step to searching for a title linked within your reader's posts or might you just off the top of your head remember such a book?

I think the book in question was actually suggested by another poster who had experienced loads of trauma herself and was 'relearning' what was 'normal' functional behaviour/boundaries and integrating the book into balanced parenting for herself. Then again...perhaps it was a book you had reviewed and people were commenting on it....argh! The subject was learning what normal looks like and how to get there...or something to that effect."

I have no idea what she's talking about, so it must have been in the comments section. I know one of you must have posted it, so please post it again to help a sister on her road to mental health and better parenting.

Comments

[Cobblestone]

I think it is going to be in the comments section of the early part of the special parents/adult kids week.

Good luck!

[Julie]

I'll bet Hedra will know.....

[Alison]

Mmmm - I thought it was in the post where the question was about the poster's husband's post traumatic stress following his return from active duty and how it was affecting their daughter and family... I think one of the commenters to that post recommended the book as she had been through something similar...?

[SarcastiCarrie]

I think hedra wrote about in response to something about sexual abuse (or maybe alcohlism) and knowing what OK boundaries in a functional family look like. It was something like if your mom didn't set approrpiate boundaries for you, you didn't know that yours were messed up and this teached them to you.

[Archivist Alison]

Actually, Moxie, I've often had the worst time with your site search. There's so much fantastic information in the back posts/comments that just seems (currently) irretrievable!

I'm really hoping that whenever you get released from your TypePad bondage that the search will get better too. If you ever need my help with this, let me know.

[hedra]

It was An Adult Child's Guide to What's Normal.

Two of us here have recommended it in the comments, maybe more. One was me.

Amazon has it. (click through, get Moxie more furniture. :) )

[hedra]

I agree about the search - I tried to find something I'd written, and ended up paging through a year's worth of posts, and still couldn't find it.

[Moxie]

You know what--I bet when Typepad screwed up my URL and all that, the site search function broke, too. Maybe if I uninstall and reinstall that widget it'll start working again.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1558740902/105-5194749-3650027?ie=UTF8&tag=moxieandaskmo-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=1789&creativeASIN=1558740902

[m]

I also agree about the search. I tried finding the comment where one poster talked about the 5-steps in dealing with her toddler who doesn't always listen. It was something like WASDA but not that at all. I still haven't found it, but could really use it now!

[Moxie]

OK, I think I fixed the search function. Can you guys test and let me know if it's still not working?

[Archivist Alison]

Moxie, my initial tests suggest that the search function feels much better.

[Moxie]

I believe that's the official stamp of approval from the blogosphere's Leading Archivist. ;-) The eagle has landed!

[SarcastiCarrie]

Did I really write "teached" in a comment? Oh my gosh! I am so disappointed in myself. Sorry to all you anal-retentive English Language types out there. It's really not been the best morning.

[a different laura]

funny, i had a similar book finding and losing experience with Moxie--the book i remember seeing about being a good grandparent (thought it was recommended by num num, maybe?), but couldn't find it when i went back to look later. i thought maybe i'd dreamed it.

[hedra]

Oh, yeah, that's better! (Dang, should have mentioned to you.. d'oh!) - bonus, the comment I was looking for came up second in the list. YAY!

[Moxie]

I don't even want to mention how embarrassingly easy the fix was.

[Maria Wood]

@m: I saved that comment in my parenting advice journal. It was Wait, Ask, Say, Show, Do. I can give you the original comment verbatim if you want, though I'm not sure if there are any ethical qualms about that.

[JB]

@Maria -- I LOVE the idea of a parenting advice journal! That's a "why didn't I think of that" moment for me. Thanks!

[Catherine]

No offense intended to Moxie and her awesomeness, but whenever I want to find something here, I don't use the site search, I use Google. If you add "site:askmoxie.org" (w/o the quotes) to your Google search, it will search only on this site.

So if, for example, you're looking for posts about when kids drop from two naps to one (as I was doing just last night...) you can put "site:askmoxie.org drop nap" (again without the quotes) into Google, and bam! first or second hit.

This is now my default method for finding stuff if I know which website it was on. For all I know, Moxie's site search might work like a charm, but I've had so many experiences with truly crappy site searches, that I now just reach for Google.

[Moxie]

Catherine, the site search here is that same Google search, just with a widget on this site. It was broken but I fixed it.

It's nice to know the search string, though, so I can search other sites using that same syntax, so thanks for posting it!

[m]

Thanks, Maria! I've been doing the first two, but then flumoxed at what the next steps were. I think I need to post it on the fridge.

[Catherine Pellegrino]

Gah! Moxie, my apologies. I meant to add to my comment something along the lines of "...unless of course the site uses a customized Google search, which amounts to the same thing," but thought that would have been too longwinded and pedantic.*

Thank you for correcting me!

*Not like librarians are EVER longwinded and pedantic, oh no....

[Sarah V.]

@Catherine: THANK you for that tip! I just found a post on someone's blog that I'd been wanting to read again for absolutely ages and just COULD not find. With your advice, it took me about two minutes.

[Nanette Jula]

To Laura, the OP, another really good book I'd recommend for becoming a better parent by identifying and destroying the childhood demons is "Parenting from Within" by Siegel and Hartzell. Holy crap, it's one of those books that have totally changed my life. I was doing a whole lot of shitty, default-setting and then guilt-laden parenting until I read this book. I kept finding myself doing things without thinking about them and then crying because it wasn't meshing with my vision of myself as a mother. Turns out that it's all my parent's fault...haha, I'm just kidding...kind of.

What I'm discovering with this book - I can only do it little by little as it's pretty intense for me - is that I am resolving many of the phsycologically f'ed up things my dad did to us as children through my child and because I don't know I'm doing it, I can't prevent it from happening. It's tough to explain, and as hard as it's been to relive much of the trauma, I'd rather do it intentionally and open-mindedly and removed from my child, than to keep looking back and being heart-broken and disappointed in myself for not being the mother I know I can and want to be.

Point is, good book worth buying if you're trying to take care of some serious childhood shit.

[Num Num]

No, a different Laura, I didn't recommend a book. I get most of my material from reading Miss Marple and 19th Century novelists. And, of course, I AskMoxie, the fount of compassion and wisdom.

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. I think one of the commenters to that post recommended the book as she had been through something similar...?

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