We need data points on nursing to sleep

I've gotten some emails recently from moms who have been nursing their babies to sleep, but are getting lots of pushback from other people about how they need to stop or their kids will "never learn to fall asleep on their own." I know we all know this is ridiculous, since no one goes off to college with their mom along. But I thought it would be helpful if we had some data points about what would actually happen if you just went with it.

My oldest needed to nurse to sleep, and abruptly stopped at around 11 months. He still wanted to nurse at bedtime, but couldn't fall asleep that way anymore. Instead, he wanted his dad to rock him. (That lasted for a few months, then we went into a few months of someone lying down next to his crib, then that was over, and he started going to bed on his own, which shocked and delighted me at the time. You know how with that first kid it all seems so endless?)

My second kid never could nurse down to sleep, so he's no use as a data point for this question.

I've heard of several other kids who stopped nursing down of their own accord somewhere in the 10-12-month neighborhood, but I'm wondering if this is common.

So, if you nursed to sleep at bedtime until your child gave it up on his or her own, how old was your kid?

If you pushed the weaning for that feed yourself, I'm glad you did what worked for you, but your results aren't useful for the data we're trying to get on this post today.

Also, you can give info about naps if you want, but I don't think naps and nighttime sleep always have much in common timewise.

Comments

[Heather]

I'm more of an outlier than I would have guessed. My son nursed to sleep almost all of the time until he weaned at just shy of 4. Very smooth transition. We would read and then nurse (during which time _I_ could read, which is partly why it worked so well for us). As he got closer to four, he just started falling asleep when he was being read to, first once a week and then a few times and then more often than not. And then he decided he was done. Now he falls asleep as we read to him.

He actually gave up naps before he gave up nursing to sleep at night... for a while in there, we were driving to sleep for naps, just because we'd be out in the morning and drive home anyway, and it was simple, but he also nursed to sleep for some naps until he gave them up.

I'm sure we could have found a different sleep transition earlier, but I loved having him nurse to sleep--I loved connecting with him at the end of the day, I loved the immunities he was getting, I loved how easy it was and what a calm night ritual we had. It helped that my son is flexible about when he sleeps, and that he is generally a late to bed, late to rise kind of guy, so I wasn't forced to be home at seven or whatever every night.

I'm sympathetic to parents for whom nursing to sleep doesn't work, but it depresses me to hear about stopping nursing to sleep because of fears that you're not supposed to, or that maybe one day it won't work. If you love it now, do it for now. Six months makes a big difference anyway--if you need to change in six months or a year, you can do it then.

In my experience, the people who question us assume it can't be good for both mother and child. Either it's, "Maybe you enjoy it, but he needs to learn independence." Or it's, "Well, he might like it, but you have to take care of yourself." And in either case--if it's not working for mom or the baby, or for the family generally--okay. But sometimes it works great.

[Heather]

@Stephanie,

_Adventures in Tandem Nursing_ is a good resource for trying to conceive while nursing also. It's a La Leche publication, and the encouragement is toward nursing during pregnancy and also tandem nursing, but it also has strategies for cutting back.

Some moms who have trouble nursing on demand are more able to conceive after night-weaning, but continuing to nurse during the day. Is that an option for you?

[Jen]

Son #1 nursed to sleep until 17 months old, then he just wanted his binky, then gave up the binky at 24 months.

Son #2 never nursed to sleep.

Son #1 transferred from nursing to sleep to not nursing to sleep SO EASILY I still wonder how it happened. It was effortless. Then again, getting rid of the pacifier and potty training have been effortless with him as well. I'm betting Son #2 will be the opposite in getting him out of diapers (thankfully he never took a pacifier!)

[Kathleen]

Mine did the same thing - stopped nursing to sleep on her own - I'd say around 9.5 months or so. I still nurse her in bed, she stops when she's ready and thrashes around or lies still for a while. Sometimes I sing or rub her back or say shhhhhh and sometimes I just look at her and she falls asleep. My being there still seems key, but no more nursing, and I did nothing to end it. Strangely, although some commenters seem to have the same experience, she still nurses to a dead sleep for naps (she's almost 11 months now).

[Kelly]

My son just recently stopped nursing-to-sleep. He's was about 13 months. It used to be that he would nurse until he passed out, and I couldn't put him down awake or there'd be hell to pay.

Now, he usually nurses, and then is awake and drowsy when I put him down. Sometimes he'll be so tired that he falls asleep on the breast, but that isn't the norm anymore.

I should note that he did this completely on his own, without encouragement from me. But I LOVE that he's finally mastered the art of self soothing!

[Kelly]

Also, I should add this:

My son never used a pacifier... hated them! So my boobs were his soothing device, since he wouldn't settle for a paci in the crib.

[Alex]

Haven't read most of the comments and cannot comment on the specific situation myself (mine nursed to sleep occasionally, and to be honest it was lovely for both of us when he did), but I can say that if there's one thing that motherhood has taught me it's not to go making problems up when none exist. If you're doing something that's working for you and yours, don't change it and don't worry it will cause problems for you down the road -- it may well not.

(DS shared our room until 15 months and everyone warned me he would go through a dreadful non-sleeping spell when we moved him out. Um, in fact, he didn't. He slept the same or maybe slightly...better. All that worry for naught.).

[nancy]

My daughter is 2 years and 5 months old, and is still nursing to sleep at night and at nap time. If she wakes up in the night (99% of the time she does) she nurses back to sleep. And yes, we co-sleep, or I would die.

I would LOVE for her to outgrow this, but I really don't mind it too much. She'll be a big girl soon enough - no need to push her away first.

[sue]

My older child didn't nurse, but kept her bottle of water until she was 3.5.

My younger child is still nursing to sleep at 16 months. I'm extremely conflicted about this right now. I HATE the idea of abruptly taking that away from him, but we discovered that he has an enamel defect when one of his teeth crumbled while I was brushing it on Monday. $500 of emergency dental work later, the dentist thinks that the nursing to sleep has exacerbated the enamel problem. Right now, I'm till nursing him to sleep, and am sneakily wiping his teeth with spiffies while he's asleep (we brush the teeth right before bedtime). We are working really hard to night wean him, so that there isn't any all night buffet any more. I think we'll eliminate that first, and then working on the bedtime thing.

Poor kid.

[kat]

Yay for Moxie! I read nearly each and every one of these comments. Perfect timing for me. My son just turned 9 months old and has been nursed to sleep at night every day of his life. Since I went back to work at six months I really don't mind and look at it as my quiet time with him and I just love how it calms him down. My husband is doing the daytime parenting and he can only get him to nap while wearing him in a carrier and he also can't put him down once asleep (he wakes up straight away) - this is a bit of a problem in the hot summer months as my husband has to walk around constantly wearing him. If I am home, I sometimes nurse him down to naps too, but sometimes that doesn't work. We also co-sleep so I pretty much only brestfeed while lying down and I love this because it is so relaxing for me. We live in Japan so we sleep on the floor so we don't have to worry about him falling off the bed. Anyway lately my son has started pulling off and rolling over to go to sleep and this always amazes me. I plan to continue this as long as my son wants to, but going out at night every now and again would be nice I guess, but I can wait since he is only going to be this small for only a little while longer. We will be moving back to Australia this year where sleeping arrangements will be different (bed and much bigger apartment/house) and I wonder how it will affect our family. My mother also bottle fed all four of her children including me and thinks my son should be sleeping through the night already...I worry about getting comments on our situation, but reading everyone's comments here is very encouraging.

[kat]

Yay for Moxie! I read nearly each and every one of these comments. Perfect timing for me. My son just turned 9 months old and has been nursed to sleep at night every day of his life. Since I went back to work at six months I really don't mind and look at it as my quiet time with him and I just love how it calms him down. My husband is doing the daytime parenting and he can only get him to nap while wearing him in a carrier and he also can't put him down once asleep (he wakes up straight away) - this is a bit of a problem in the hot summer months as my husband has to walk around constantly wearing him. If I am home, I sometimes nurse him down to naps too, but sometimes that doesn't work. We also co-sleep so I pretty much only brestfeed while lying down and I love this because it is so relaxing for me. We live in Japan so we sleep on the floor so we don't have to worry about him falling off the bed. Anyway lately my son has started pulling off and rolling over to go to sleep and this always amazes me. I plan to continue this as long as my son wants to, but going out at night every now and again would be nice I guess, but I can wait since he is only going to be this small for only a little while longer. We will be moving back to Australia this year where sleeping arrangements will be different (bed and much bigger apartment/house) and I wonder how it will affect our family. My mother also bottle fed all four of her children including me and thinks my son should be sleeping through the night already...I worry about getting comments on our situation, but reading everyone's comments here is very encouraging.

[Kelly]

My eldest stopped nursing to sleep around 10 or 11 months and I remember hating it as I could never get her to go down well ever again. I don't know that I can blame it on the nursing but it was horrible up until ... well, gee, she's almost 3 now :)

I never nursed the second one to sleep as I was too busy chasing the first.

[Lisa]

Yeah, so my kids are way past that now, but the Boy nursed to sleep (and slept with me) until he stopped. It was the last one he gave up and it was somewhere around 16 months, but he continued to sleep with me until he was 5 or so. Boo on the other hand, NEVER wanted to nurse to sleep, and insisted on going to sleep in her very. own. bed. from about 4 months old. For what it's worth.

[Lisa]

We are still avid nursers here. My DD is 18 months, and still nurses to sleep with me, but mostly her Dad rocks her to sleep and she's fine with that - actually she prefers it now. For day naps I nurse her every time, and she's out like a light in under 5 minutes. She wakes up a LOT at night still and I nurse her each time, we co-sleep and she can't seem to put herself back to sleep without a boob in her mouth.
I toy with night weaning her but it all seems too hard right now ! She's a boob addict thats for sure.
DS on the other hand is a problem ! He is now 5.5 years old and still sleeps in our room, and needs one of us to stay with him untill he's asleep. Drives us mental and lots of times we don't, leaving him not very happy but hey, he's five!

[Tina]

My daughter nursed to sleep up until around 18 months. By that point she was only nursing a wee little bit before bed - it wasn't so much that she needed it as much as she was used to it I think. I was prego at the time and really did not want to be nursing much into my 2nd pregnancy... so I just simply stopped nursing her at that point and she was done. No fuss no muss.

I do remember being so worried though, especially in the early days. Wondering if I was setting her up for a big battle when it was time to wean from 'nursing to sleep'. Then when the time came it was so easy to stop - which i know isn't the case for everyone as each child is different.

Now with my second I don't even give it a second thought... she's only 5 months, needs to nurse to sleep and i'm fine to continue for another year or so, cross my fingers she is as easy as her sister when the time comes!

[Kate]

Since my daughter would take no other form of comfort--stuffed animal, blanket, pacifier, etc.--I stuck with nursing down to bed for a long time. 18 months at least. At a certain point she no longer went to sleep (just got drowsy), so I escorted her to her [toddler] bed from the couch. I also nursed her to sleep for naps in my bed until the day I went into labor with my son (she was 22 months).

At a certain point my son stopped nursing to sleep (at night--for naps he still nurses to sleep maybe 25% of the time and he's 2y3m). I have no recollection of how old he was--12 months? Younger than my daughter was. He, however, is a thumbsucker. So he'd nurse, then replace me with his thumb, finger a pillowcase, and drift off.

BUT he doesn't like to left by himself during this phase. He prefers me to be RIGHT THERE; elsewhere in the bedroom is a distant second choice; trying to move somewhere else in the house is usually met with vociferous protest. Although he will allow my husband to sit on the floor while he puts himself to sleep. My daughter also went through this phase of needing company to feel comfortable at night, but now she's happy with her books. I assume he'll be that way too.

Now I am dying to read the other 114 comments :-) But here are the maxims I live by: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." "It's not forever, even if it feels like it." "Life as a parent is hard enough already, why make it more difficult?!"

[BeBe]

1 data point:

From 0-12 months, I always nursed my baby to sleep, nap and bedtime. My husband put her to bed probably 50-75% of the time in the early months, declining over time, and he walked her to sleep. I nursed her to sleep for probably 80% of her naps (the rest were daddy's responsibility), decreasing over time as others took more of her care at 12 mos.

As she weaned, the nursing to sleep stopped, and it was a surprisingly smooth transition. It probably helped that her daddy was used to putting her to sleep all along, so he just did that more often until she was weaned.

[noodlemama]

The Noodle was a hard-core nurse-to-sleeper and it started to take longer and longer. Around 10 mos we started the Pantley pop-off (No-Cry Sleep Solution) and like magic she started to roll over and go to sleep w/out the boob in her mouth. And yet, as a previous poster noted, still with the frequent night-wakings and nursing back to sleep.

At 13 mos, I got her to rock down and then go to sleep holding my hand at which point I had Daddy take over nighttime duty for a while. Sweet relief. I had started to lose it with the endless gnawing.

Nurse-to-nap continued at home until around 14 mos around 50% of the time. She naps great at daycare and horribly at home which I choose to interpret as a backhanded compliment that she'd rather be awake with us.

We gradually picked off nighttime wakings/ nursings by the same process--I would only rock her and tell her the nanas were night-night. Then transitioned to dad taking over the shushing back to sleep.

That has worked for everything but the early AM waking. Now at 19 mos, she still wakes somewhere between 3:30 and 5:30 and will scream and freak out unless/until brought into the big bed and still insists on nanas 50% of the time or rotates and kicks one of us in the solar plexus for an hour.

From the noises on the monitor, clearly she is moving towards more consistent self-soothing after waking, but it has been a slow, incremental process.

[judy]

marley is 17 months now. she nurses to sleep almost every night since she was born. there are a few times where dad has put her to sleep. she does on occasion go to sleep while still alert after nursing. she goes to daycare and easily goes down for naps without nursing or a bottle. when i have her on the weekends, she nurses before napping.

it is such a relief to know that i am not doing the wrong thing. i was told by a friend that baby led weaning is a lie. i felt hijacked by breastfeeding. i have also been recently told by the pediatrician that we may be fostering bad sleep habits. anyway, i'm glad that other people do it too.

i would like to wean soon. i don't really know how to do it. i don't think marley is ready and maybe that means i am not ready. it was not my intention to be an extended breastfeeder. i keep hoping that marley will one day just decide to stop nursing...
...still waiting.

[just beth]

My first, now twelve, nursed to sleep until he self weaned at fourteen months.

My second, now two, nursed to sleep until SHE self weaned at seventeen months.

And the baby, four months, doesn't nurse to sleep at all. He'll nurse to sleepy, then pops off and sighs, and drifts off like an angel. :-)

He's also the only one I've been able to get to co-sleep with me, oddly enough.

Also, I think every new mom needs to know that they should follow their OWN insticts about what to do with their children. Read books, listen to family and friends, and then do what YOU feel is right. I would have been such a better mother to my firstborn if I had known that when he was little, mostly because it would have meant that I had confidence in myself as his mother. I think that's the key... confidence in what works best for you and your baby.

Just my two cents!

xo

b

[trish]

I'm in the sleep-deprivation fog of newborn #2 so I don't remember exactly when my oldest stopped nursing himself to sleep. I kept nursing for months after though (until 17 months). When he stopped feeding and was awake each night we would sing a bit and then he'd go to sleep so it kind of gradually stopped being a part of our nighttime routine.

[Stephanie]

@Heather: Thanks for the recommendation; I'll definitely look into that publication. Unfortunately, can't really just go to nursing during the day, as I work outside the home. Think I'm looking down the barrel of nightweaning. I had hoped if I stopped the nursing to sleep (have not tried yet, but was looking for hope in these comments), the night feedings would magically disappear, but as someone else mentioned above, that's not always the case. Still, I'm anxiously reading all the replies and hoping to pick up tips.

Sorry, Moxie, didn't mean to hijack.

[Geeks in Rome]

I nursed #1 to sleep every night and sometimes it got really awful when he was in no mood to sleep (late afternoon naps did interfere with that around 18 months). By awful I mean nibbles and fooling around -- nursing just wouldn't calm him down. So I started rocking him to sleep with the crib and the movement helped him release that pent up energy.

Since I work, he would fall asleep for naps with a pacifier and LOTS of rocking in a stroller. Hubby or babysitter would rock him for nearly an hour to help him nod off. Around 2 yrs he just needed a routine and the rigors of daycare. He'd be so exhausted from no afternoon nap and playing at school that all it took was a book, lying down together, and boom -- off to sleep. Now at 3 1/2 he is a very secure sleeper (We all co-slept from birth to 18 months then crib next to our bed til 2 1/2 years then his own bed after 3 yrs.)

with #2 she was a dream! she would nod off the second I put my breast in her mouth! Where it had taken my son 1 hour to fall asleep, it just took her 10-15 minutes tops. But I think a lot had to do with the fact she could never get in decent naps during the day (big brother disturbing her sleep) so at night when he was asleep she'd just pass out.

Now at 19-months she only needs a bit of the bottle, then takes the breast to feel comfort (teething) and falls asleep in no time. For naps, she goes down on her own with no bottle, no breast, no pacifier.

There have been occasions that she has fallen asleep on her own at night due to exhaustion (missed naps). She wakes up periodically during the night (as did my son) because of thirst (give bottle) or teething (give boob). I found this night waking stops when all the teeth are in def. by 2 years (oops then the night terrors kick in, sorry)

So we co-sleep til they can fall asleep on their own (after 20-months for sure), then big crib next to bed til the night wakings stop (by 3rd birthday). My son moved out of our room when I asked him if he would like his own bed and his own room and he was excited and helped us move him in (he was 3 yrs. 5 months exact).

I found letting them be clingy and needing comfort when they are so small has made them stronger and more independent. Others I know who moved their kids to their own room as infants have found that as soon as the kids can walk and climb out of bed, they are getting up in the middle of the night to come sleep with the parents.

We're taking the counter offensive: make them sleep with us until they get sick of us and want to move out! so far it is working!

[paola]

@stefanie

I cut back from 7 to 3 nurses a day in order to get my fertility back. I did it pretty slowly, but apparently a abrupt change might work better and faster (it took me a couple of months as I was going slowly in the hope I wouldn't have to give up too many feeds). Check the Billings Ovulatory Method site for advice re fertility charting and other info associated with breastfeeding and ttc.

[heather]

Still nursing to sleep for bedtime at 21 months. We were down to once a day (just before bedtime) a month ago... and suddenly now he wants to nurse all the time and 2 or 3 times in the middle of the night. I'm letting him right now... hoping that it is something that he'll be over very soon. It's driving me crazy, honestly. I'm ready to be done nursing, but I was really hoping that I could gently wean (we had gotten down to 1x a day with no tears whatsover). He's been weaned from a bottle since about 18 months and he's never wanted a paci or to suck his thumb. I'm the human paci! If anyone has any data points of your child doing this... and this too will end... I would greatly appreciate the encouragement.

But back on topic... my mom watches him while I am at work, and for his nap he falls asleep in his crib with no problems.

[Lee]

From birth until about six months, my baby nursed to sleep and then we gently put him down.

Now coming up on 10 months, he nurses before sleeping, but is then put down awake.

(I have an older child, but honestly can't remember what he did. I suspect it was roughly the same.)

[Jojo]

I nursed my son to sleep every night up until 15 months. Then, it was like someone flipped a switch. He just stopped. He also weaned at the same time. He's been sleeping very well since then, and that was a year ago.

If someone told me there was a sure fire way to get my baby to sleep for 15 months, I would have paid good money for it. I was lucky that it turned out to be nursing.

[hedra]

Oh, and I wanted to note that for most people I know the issue was a genuine question, not a fear. Yes, they had discomfort based on their assumptions, but they all really wanted to know if this was GOING to be a problem, if the extended nursing has implications, if nursing to sleep had implications, had I considered them, what was the research, etc.

My mom was actually the hardest one to convince, but she saw a seminar with Dr. Kathy Dettwyler (the one who does the research on the natural age of weaning), and offered to take me to it, thinking I suspect that this would show me what the REAL natural age of weaning was/should be (she was thinking 18 months max). She left the seminar bragging to others that I was still nursing my 3 year old... so, um, sometimes ya just need to find an expert to help out!

Some people also see parents who are not being effective, and are also nursing to sleep, nursing past a year, etc., and mistakenly attribute the results of ineffective parenting to the nursing behaviors. They may think the kids will become 'odd ducks' because of the nursing-down, when it is that the parents are 'odd ducks' that is the issue, LOL! (I'm an odd duck, myself, so... yeah, my kids aren't typical. I prefer it that way.)

[Reese]

One child, female, nursed to sleep until 14 months. We began weaning from day nursing at 12 months. As she got used to not nursing during the day she became less interested in nursing to sleep. Went from a solid 20 minute nursing session to 15... then 10... then 5... then just a minute or two until one day she just asked for her pacifier instead.

[Holly]

Boy nursed to sleep ALL naps and ALL nights until 25 months old without a diminishing interest. Then we weaned. I was pregnant, my milk supply was dwindling, and it was a bit painful to nurse. I knew I didn't have the right stuff to tandem nurse, so TOGETHER we changed the sleep pattern. I started by not refusing nursing, but limiting the time. I would count to 10 after he nursed a bit, and then remove him. As long as I warned him ahead of time, no fussing. Then, he started to count with me! It was hilarious - mouth full of boob, "one, two..." and then he would pull himself off and I could pat him to sleep. (We still co-sleep.) We did this awhile. Then I had to help out a friend one night, so the boy went to bed with Dad successfully without nursing. They continued that for a week and I slept alone for the first time in 2 years! We all rejoined and he was weaned. We still cuddle, rock, or pat to sleep as needed. His sleep continues to change and develop as do all of his skills.
Girl, now 5 months, is a totally different nurser - not as avid and a little sloppy. She can go to sleep on her own or with nursing or with a pacifier. We also co-sleep. We will see how this nursing relationship evolves. :)
From my experience, babies come wired as to what kind of sleepers and nursers they will be. Do what works for you and the baby. It definitely is a relationship between the two of you and is nobody else's business.

[Holly]

Oh, and by the way, I conceived baby girl while nursing son to sleep for naps and nights. And Hedra, I LOVE Dr. Dettwyler. I had her for an anthropology professor a LONG time ago! :) Her website has some interesting articles too.

[Tamar]

My son (now coming up on 11 months) has been off-and-on when it comes to nursing to sleep. There was a long period (say, 6-9 months old) when it was roughly 40% of the time, nursing to sleep, 60% of the time, absolutely no way, please put me in my bed where I will happily look at my light-up musical crib thingy and drift off with 0-5 minutes of fuss. During this period, we had 1-3 night wakings, and I nursed back to sleep for those, mostly. Then at around 9 months, it was 100% nurse to sleep. And, in a miracle I am still pinching myself over, it was shortly after that that he started sleeping through the night. (I would say we offered some gentle guidance on that, e.g. sending in daddy for comfort at night when we were confident he wasn't hungry.)

So to repeat: At the time my son insisted on nursing to sleep, he *stopped* waking up at night! And when he fell asleep on his own, after being lovingly tucked in in that proverbial drowsy-but-awake state, he would wake up 1-3 times at night. My guess is that it has so much more to do with his age/developmental stage than anything else.

[Shanna]

Can't comment on nighttime sleep. We gently moved the bedtime nursing to be before bathtime, because that's what worked for us.

Naptimes, if I am the one putting my kids down (18 month old twins), I offer to tandem nurse them as long as they want. Sometimes one or the other falls asleep while nursing, sometimes they both pull off sleepy, sometimes my daughter (but never my son, to my recollection), points straight to her crib, says, "bed," and doesn't want to nurse at all. When my husband or MIL puts them down for a nap, they read one or two of a set group of books and then go into the cribs, no milk or anything else needed. If we happen to be out with them in the stroller around naptime, they also have no trouble falling asleep without nursing. So, no "end" yet, but that's where we are at 18 months.

[hydrogeek]

I nursed my girl to sleep until right around a year old, when we would still nurse at night, but she wouldn't fall asleep that way anymore. When that happened, I would stand up with her and sway back and forth in front of the crib while I sung a song, then lay her down, pat her tummy, and tell her I loved her and goodnight. At 19 months old, she is not nursing anymore, but all that last part is still the bedtime routine (after books rather than nursing now).

[Nut Mommy]

The Nut stopped nursing TO sleep early, probably around 4 months or so - he just didn't fall asleep while nursing anymore. But he continued to nurse or have a bottle before sleeping until just around a year. Then he suddenly stopped taking a bottle and we weaned soon after. Now, before bed, either my husband or I read him some stories sitting in his chair, we put him down, and he goes to sleep. Naptime is sometimes a little more challenging (he loves to throw everything including all of his pacifiers out of his crib and then is mad that he no longer has them) but overall things seem to be going well.

[lm]

#1 isn't a data point.

#2 nursed to sleep or at least as part of bedtime until self-weaning completely at 14 months.

#3 nursed to sleep or at least as part of bedtime until self-weaning completely at 16 months.

#4 (at 14 months) *still* needs to nurse down for nap or bedtime *if I'm around* but DH, MIL, babysitter can get him to sleep reasonably (no bottle, no cup), and have for months already; I've been griping about this for a while, although I think we're up to 3 individual bedtimes when he has put himself to sleep on a random floor near where the 'action' is - but put him in the crib the same tired, full, dry, and he'll vomit instead. Grrr.

If he's already full and tired and *I'm* the adult at home, he'll scream endlessly and squirm, even in my arms.

[Erin]

I nursed P to sleep until he was about 9 months old. He didn't always need it but when he did, it was certainly the easiest thing to do. At about 9 months, he started reliably falling asleep without nursing to do so. I continued to nurse him before bed (but not to sleep, we would read stories after nursing) until he was 16 months. And--GASP!--he gave it up on his own. It was actually the first nursing session that he gave up when we switched to a "Don't ask, don't refuse" policy.

[Catherine]

My daughter nursed to sleep (including any middle of the night wakings) until she fully weaned herself around 19 months. BUT! I was 4 months pregnant at that time and my milk was all but gone by then. My son is 5 months old today and happily nurses to sleep when he is hungry, but if he was fed within an hour of bedtime he is no longer interested in the breast and just wants to be rocked/bounced to sleep.

[Melinda]

1 data point: at 15.5 months, my girl still nurses to sleep at night and bottles to sleep with Dad for naps.

[Rebecca]

I nursed my daughter to sleep until she stopped on her own around 8 months. She then nursed before bed, and now had a bottle, but needs to be rocked to sleep. Sometimes she goes down beautifully, and other times it is a battle. It is usually a battle when I have missed "the window" of I'm just now getting tired, and she is overtired.

[Christiana]

Thanks for this info! My daughter is 5 months old and I nurse her to sleep nearly every night. She does okay almost all the times that I've had to be away from her at night - takes longer to get her to sleep after her bottle of breastmilk. However, today she seems to be rejecting nursing to sleep for naps? I'm planning to let her take the lead in quitting the night nursing - that's the one feeding I really, really enjoy.

[Marie]

My first nursed to sleep (and 2-3 times through the night) until she was 2. I night weaned her because I was pregnant and needed better sleep. It was pretty easy, probably because my milk had dried up and she had cut short her nursing sessions anyway.

My second is 2 1/2 and still nursing to sleep (and 2-3 times through the night). She shows no signs of giving it up and has strongly resisted my (admittedly feeble) attempts to night wean her. I really enjoy nursing her, I just wish I could stay out later than 9pm occasionally!!!

[Anna]

I nursed my first to sleep for as long as that worked, which I believe was about the 10-12 mos mark. After that, it would work sometimes, sometimes not, and her father could get her to bed easily when I was not there.

Currently, with baby #2, nursing the sleep at bedtime is still working @ 13 mos old. Occasionally she's still awake post-nursing, and then she gets rocked, sung to, and put to bed, and that works just fine. She seems to be in the process of transitioning out of it, just somewhat later than her sister did.

I have done nothing to discourage the bedtime nursing with either one of them.

[Heather Raab]

I am so happy to see this post! I felt guilty forever about nursing my daughter to sleep!! She stopped falling alseep at night from nursing at around 11 months, but I would still nurse her to relax her as part of the bedtime routine. Then we would brush her teeth and my husband would read to her and then put her in the crib and she would go to sleep on her own. She wouldn't fall asleep from anything we did at this point (rocking, walking, singing, nursing, etc.). She still nursed to sleep for naps for a while until I noticed her teeth started to demineralize and I brought her to a dentist who said I must stop nursing her before naps unless I brush her teeth afterwards but before putting her down. Since the whole point of nursing her before naps was to get her to fall alseep, I didn't want to wake her up to brish her teeth so I stopped cold turkey and just put her in her crib once she seemed really tired. And wouldn't you know it, she just went to sleep and hasn't had a problem putting herself to sleep since! I hope that helps!

[Heather Raab]

I forgot to mention she was 16 months when I stopped nursing before naps and ended up weaning completely....which made me very sad at the time and even now I still miss it a month and a half later.

[Another Erin]

As usual, I'm joining this conversation very late. But i have a meta-point that I don't *think* anyone has made yet (haven't read all the comments, madly packing boxes for a move in two days, eek!). Which is, I don't think it matters when you stop nursing to sleep, because the entire sleep associations theory is crap. I mean, think about it for a second. My bean nursed to sleep when I was home (naptimes during my maternity leave, weekends, and bedtime) for most of her first year, but took multiple naps per day for her nanny who simply stroked her back and hummed (kid never took a bottle or pacifier or sucked her thumb, so no sucking to sleep via other means when I wasn't around). When she started daycare, they lower the lights and she plops into bed. Her dad plunks her into her crib (lovingly, of course), plops some books next to her, and waltzes out. Year two she stopped nursing at weekend naptime and bedtime, but did nurse at her early morning wakening until I put an end to it because I couldn't stand her pinchy little fingers anymore. And she sleeps as well as one would expect, with no CIO, for all of us, despite the huge variation in the conditions of when she goes to sleep. You don't have to invoke the "won't go off to college nursing to sleep" argument, as they don't even go off to daycare nursing to sleep!

[ajs mom]

I still nurse my 21 month old to sleep. Up until 3 months ago, I was still nursing several times throughout the night to get her to go back to sleep. We co-slept in our bed until she was 14 months, then moved her to her own bed in her room (a mattress on the floor) but I was spending most nights with her. Then, 3 months ago we both got the stomach flu and she couldn't keep down breast milk. That was how we night weaned. She nurses to sleep when I put her down for naps or bedtime. She doesn't nurse to sleep when her dad puts her down for naps or bedtime (I guess she doesn't like hairy nipples!). I don't actually see this as a problem. Her dad, grandparents, and babysitter, can easily get her to sleep. Not infrequently she fools around when I'm nursing her to sleep, flipping and flopping, and so I remove nipple, put in soother and she falls asleep. I'm of the belief that you do what works until it no longer works.

For the record, I never thought she would sleep through the night and now, for the past 2 weeks she either sleeps through the night or wakes up once for a drink of water. Miracles do happen!

[Sam]

I just want to say THANK YOU for this. I haven't made it through all the comments, but thank you for making me feel just a tiny bit justified in that my child does nurse to sleep, still, at twelve months. And he still does at least ONE night nursing, if not two (we co-sleep for the second half of the night). Most of the time, I'm really okay with all of it, and continue to be thankful for this special time I get with my son.

[jen]

I don't think anyone who doesn't nurse understands the dynamic there. I nursed 3 to sleep for naps/bedtime and honestly can't remember when they stopped - and I'm STILL nursing the last one to sleep some of the time. Whether I liked it or not, it was always the path of least resistance, and it does end before a year, or at least around there. My current nursling doesn't always fall asleep at the bar (the other two, it was guaranteed) and even so, he's sleepy enough that he goes down on his own. At 9 months he still wants the nursing before bed but sometimes I put him down for naps without. But where's teh fun in that? In a house full of chaos it's an easy way for some quiet one-on-one. So sorry if this was a useless data point :)

[Goddess Babe]

Miss G is 2 1/2. She still nurses at bedtime, still sometimes nurses to sleep if she's already really tired.

More often than not, she has her bedtime nursing, rolls off, says "Mommy, I'm done." Then she proceeds to have anywhere from 5-20 minutes of finding her comfy spot and telling us bedtime stories or asking for songs until she's more sleepy.

(We also co-sleep and have since her birth; since 18 months she has had a "big girl bed" ganged up next to ours. Mostly, she starts and finishes the night in our bed; occasionally she'll move herself over, or we move her over ourselves.)

I am of the mind that if it works, keep it up!

Miss G will go to sleep fairly easily for dad/grandma/babysitter, with cuddles, but doesn't need a bottle or nursing from them. Just when Mommy is home!

Oh yeah... *I* sleep much better (both getting to sleep and through the night) after bedtime nursing and cuddles (if I stay in bed - if I get up to get stuff done, I may as well stay up all night because I'll just toss and turn). On a recent business trip (first time away from her), I could. not. sleep. I took along a hot water bottle to cover, which helped. Pumping and cuddling the hot water bottle just wasn't the same.