I've gotten some emails recently from moms who have been nursing their babies to sleep, but are getting lots of pushback from other people about how they need to stop or their kids will "never learn to fall asleep on their own." I know we all know this is ridiculous, since no one goes off to college with their mom along. But I thought it would be helpful if we had some data points about what would actually happen if you just went with it.
My oldest needed to nurse to sleep, and abruptly stopped at around 11 months. He still wanted to nurse at bedtime, but couldn't fall asleep that way anymore. Instead, he wanted his dad to rock him. (That lasted for a few months, then we went into a few months of someone lying down next to his crib, then that was over, and he started going to bed on his own, which shocked and delighted me at the time. You know how with that first kid it all seems so endless?)
My second kid never could nurse down to sleep, so he's no use as a data point for this question.
I've heard of several other kids who stopped nursing down of their own accord somewhere in the 10-12-month neighborhood, but I'm wondering if this is common.
So, if you nursed to sleep at bedtime until your child gave it up on his or her own, how old was your kid?
If you pushed the weaning for that feed yourself, I'm glad you did what worked for you, but your results aren't useful for the data we're trying to get on this post today.
Also, you can give info about naps if you want, but I don't think naps and nighttime sleep always have much in common timewise.
My daughter -nearly 3 now - has always been a poor sleeper, and I nursed her to sleep until about 4 mos. ago because it was the only was to get her to sleep reliably, and I was hoping to create pleasant feelings about bedtime/sleep.
I am a big cheerleader for breast-feeding, but I have to admit that there came a time - maybe when she got to be around 2? - that I really felt that I had failed her by nursing her to sleep for so long, by creating a nursing-sleep association that made sleeping for all of us very difficult. She was unable to fall asleep without me, I was miserable because of the 2 yrs of night feedings, and it made her father feel that he didn't have a role in bedtime. Finally I was ready enough to make a change that I could withstand the 2+ hours of seisuze-like freak-outs when we switched to nursing before bed for 10 minutes, then putting her into her bed to read her to sleep. (Luckily her distress was much diminished the second night, and quickly a thing of the past.) Soon after we phased out night-nursing, which went much easier, but she still wakes at night and will only allow me to put her back to bed, and she still nurses between bathtime and bedtime reading. I want to let her decide when to give up this last feeding for good, but I am so jealous of those whose children just stopped nursing at some point. It is hard not to feel that I've unintentionally created some sort of dependency that makes it difficult for her to let go.
I'm feeling like we are finally making progress on sleep, but I wish we'd started all this when she was much younger. My guilt was not helped when at a recent trip to the dentist she had 4 cavities, in a pattern that led the dentist to assume that I'd left her to fall asleep with a bottle in her mouth.
I wouldn't tell others not to nurse their children to sleep, but I do wish I'd heard more voices that were pro-bf-ing while cautioning against nursing (older) babies to sleep.
Posted by: R | July 23, 2008 at 01:54 PM
Joshua nursed to sleep for naps and bed until we forced the issue at about 12 months. Clare stopped nursing for naps and bed at about 10 months. Now she nurses before bed, but my husband rocks her to sleep. She won't even let me put her to bed anymore. It has to bed him for both naps and bedtime. Luckily he's a university professor, so that's OK for right now, but it should be interesting come fall!
Posted by: Mary Beth | July 23, 2008 at 01:55 PM
I haven't read all the comments, but I'll add my experience to the clamor…
P nursed to sleep for a long time, like over 3 years. It worked for us and I only had brief temporary spells of wanting to claw my eyes out if Anyone Ever Touched Me Again!
She stopped on her own, gradually, and to be perfectly honest once in a while still (at almost 5) takes a little sip or two.
Posted by: Maria Wood | July 23, 2008 at 01:57 PM
My daughter was a very enthusiastic nurser and a very bad sleeper until about 27 months old. She nursed to sleep until she was 27 months old (and usually needed to nurse back to sleep several times a night)--about that time I was 3 months pregnant with #2 she would nurse for a few minutes at bedtime and then roll away and want story time to fall asleep. She continued nursing to sleep for naps almost everyday for about another 4-6 weeks. She's now 30 months old and falls asleep on her own and FINALLY sleeps all night. We had tried a few gentle night weaning strategies around 20 months, but it wasn't working so we let her just go until she was ready. It was truly amazing how easy it was when she was ready.
Posted by: gatha | July 23, 2008 at 02:03 PM
It is so unfair how new parents are led to believe that nursing to sleep is wrong. It is the most natural thing in the world, and you should not be made to feel guilty about it! I've lost count of the number of friends I have had this conversation with. My three kids followed the same pattern, give or take a couple of months. Day weaning from breast to cup about 10 mo. Night weaning about 13-14 mo. I weaned them when I had had enough - just cut down the feeding length, then just rocking in the same chair, and into bed awake but sleepy. People can get so freaked out about making changes/breaking habits, but you can break almost any habit in a baby/toddler if YOU want to. I think it's totally misleading to make new parents think that every decision they make will affect their child for ever and ever. Do what feels right and habits can be brokenif necessary.
Posted by: regiemino | July 23, 2008 at 02:05 PM
My son stopped nursing to sleep on his own around nine months. It was abrupt and not expected. He would still nurse sometime after dinner (he was doing a few solids at this point) and bedtime but had no interest once we were back in his room for night-night.
Posted by: Debbie | July 23, 2008 at 02:08 PM
My 19-month-old daughter still wants to nurse right before bed at night. I put her in bed when she's finished nursing, usually when she's drowsy but not totally asleep.
At naptime she goes to sleep just fine when I'm not around but at night it's a different ball game. She has a difficult time going to bed at night without me and she tends to wake more often during the night. Just my observations.
Posted by: heather | July 23, 2008 at 02:08 PM
We nursed at bedtime til he was about 16 months, but that didn't mean he "nursed to sleep," since he usually switched to a pacifier after the first 5 minutes or so. We continued to hold/rock him until asleep and then moved him to crib.
Of course, every time he work up in the night, he wanted to be held/nursed/comforted back to sleep. So at 16 months, we were still getting up several times in the night.
Finally got him to go to sleep on his own (instead of being HELD) by switching the bedtime routine to his dad.
I think the issue isn't "nursing to sleep," it's just sleep associations. If you don't mind getting up with the kid all night long, or he gets himself back to sleep after the initial bedtime session, then stick to what you're doing. You only have to change if it isn't working for YOU, regardless of what others say.
Posted by: Tzipporah | July 23, 2008 at 02:09 PM
FWIW, my doctor said she had to "cuddle" her daughter to sleep until she was 10. So, whatever you're doing may not last forever, but if the kid sees no reason to change the bedtime routine, and you want to, you're going to have to be the one to instigate the change.
Posted by: Tzipporah | July 23, 2008 at 02:12 PM
7.5 months for my DD. It was a pretty sudden thing, but seemed to coincide with her breastfeeding less during the day, my first period, and eating more solids. She always wanted the pacifier after that, though, for nighttime and naps.
Love your blog, Moxie!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Posted by: Bethany | July 23, 2008 at 02:15 PM
I haven't nursed my daugher to sleep since she was just a few weeks old, but I can't claim credit for that. She nothing if not a good sleeper (until very recently...oy) and starting around 4-6 weeks would doze at the end of the nursing session but then wake enough to need to be rocked for a minute before being put down.
Not sure what I would have done had she gotten into the habit of falling asleep while nursing every night. My husband does any/all night feedings, when it happens (the baby is 7 months now), and I *still* feel like I'm the primary parent (an unpleasant feeling for me) partly because 95% of what she eats/drinks is breast milk. The nursing/pumping/nursing/pumping/oh-my-god-we're-out-of-frozen-breastmilk cycle is really getting to me. OH - I've gone way off topic!!
I totally get why folks don't want to be told they have to "train" their babies not the fall asleep on the breast, but I also get why some folks do encourage their babies to fall asleep on their own. I'm fairly certain I would have encouraged her to fall asleep on her own, if possible. I guess my point is sort of moot if babies are falling asleep at a bottle, then it doesn't have to be the nursing mother who handles it all.
This was not what you were looking for, I realize, but I thought I'd offer my thougts anyway!
Posted by: Johanna | July 23, 2008 at 02:16 PM
At one year I'd started to wean by lowering my pumping schedule at work but was still happily nursing my DD to sleep. However, a bottle of breast milk or someone snuggling her would work too, when I wasn't around.
Then when DD was about 16 mos. she started dozing off during her book or song prior to her last nurse. I was delighted by this for weaning purposes, and that was it for nursing to sleep. Or so I thought. . .
HOWEVER, about two to three weeks later she started demanding to nurse to sleep again. Alas, but that point my breasts (and my sanity) did not agree. So my husband came up with the idea of giving her some cow's milk before bed. At 2.5, we are still dealing with the fact that to get to sleep, and whenever she wakes up at night, DD wants milk. (That crash in my supply led her to call for milk at night too when before she had night nursed). We transitioned her to water for the late-night wake-ups, but she still needs the bottle (or two) of milk to go to sleep nine nights out of ten. We literally bring up a small cooler every night with drinks. She also needs the bottle for naps. (But of course, she goes down just fine without at daycare. . .).
So at 2.5, after about a year, we're holding out for a child-led stoppage for what is pretty clearly a substitute for night-nursing and nursing to sleep when she is with us-- my mom doesn't seem to have the milk at night problem when DD sleeps over.
The good thing about all this is that my husband and I can trade off who wakes up at night rather than it always being me. This has gone a LONG way toward restoring my sanity and health. And my cousin, the dentist, is sweetly keeping his mouth shut-- so far, DD's teeth are handling the milk just fine, but we're working on transitioning to water for everything.
Posted by: Nick | July 23, 2008 at 02:20 PM
My daughter is 38 months old and still nurses to sleep at night when I'm around, but she can go to sleep with her father by her side when I'm out of town. She also can put herself to sleep for nap time at daycare. I honestly don't see any rush to wean her, though if I were pregnant, I might feel differently about it; tandem nursing sounds stressful. We co-sleep and our kid is in daycare. Nighttime nursing is an opportunity for bonding when we're together. I have no patience for the folks who tell me weaning needs to happen according to a schedule. Luckily, if such folks are part of my life, they know to keep this particular opinion to themselves.
Posted by: beate | July 23, 2008 at 02:22 PM
I nursed my son (now 19 months) to sleep until he was about 6-7 months old. Around then he would just start to wiggle around like a maniac and it no longer worked.
Then there was a long long long long time when he would get rocked and then patted for a very long time to get him to stay asleep. Just this month we've been successful with telling him to lie down, patting his mattress and sitting down on the floor next to his crib.
So... in our case it took about a year past nursing to sleep that the little guy has been able to go to sleep somewhat on his own. He's had a lot of other barriers to falling and staying asleep (severe reflux, serious respiratory problems which had him coughing constantly for 13 months straight.) so I don't know what our data points count for.
Posted by: Nutmeg | July 23, 2008 at 02:26 PM
I still nurse my 13 month old son before he goes to bed, but he doesn't rely on it. For us, it was all about sending his boobless father in to help him. He got the sense that if the boobs were gone, nursing wasn't going to happen. Its all about individual personalities of course, but he seemed ok with that.
This didn't work at first, of course. First we shook up his bedtime routine ever so slightly. I know keeping the routine is important, but we might do bath - PJs - nurse -then story books.. so there was a space between nursing and crib time. My son still got the milk and the cuddle, but it wasn't the last thing he did before actually getting in the crib. Eventually Dad just rocked him or gave him a sippy cup of water/milk, and now my son will tolerate either of us being the last one he sees before hitting the sack. I still love to nurse him right before bed, so most nights we keep it up. But if I want to go out before bedtime, my husband can put him to bed, which is nice. So in my experience involvement of the husband or a partner that isn't nursing was the biggest help.
Posted by: LauraSLP | July 23, 2008 at 02:28 PM
My son stopped nursing to sleep for the night around 8 or 9 months, I think, but nursing is still part of our bedtime routine at 15 months. We nurse/rock/sing and then he goes into the crib awake. My husband has been able to put him to sleep without me, though, so no nursing is not a dealbreaker.
He does still wake up between 4:00 and 5:00 in the morning (any advice about dealing with that?) and nurses back to sleep or to drowsiness before getting up for the day between 6:00 and 6:30.
Posted by: Molly | July 23, 2008 at 02:29 PM
Around 13 of 14 months (and maybe one other time period around 8 months?), the Pumpkin would nurse but then stop and still be awake. I would walk/rock her till she was asleep. this went on for a few weeks.
But then, she starting nursing to sleep again. Now at 16 months, most night she nurses to sleep, but sometimes I might also have to walk/rock/nurse again/etc. to get her to sleep.
She does take a bottle to go down for naps, and hubby gives her a bottle one night a week to put her to bed (and give me a break). Usually, he has to walk/rock her after the bottle.
So, it's been in phases for us, but overall she's not weaned from nursing to sleep yet. She has always had a tough time falling asleep and cannot do it on her own EVER. Yet. Cause someday she will, right? RIGHT??
Posted by: caramama | July 23, 2008 at 02:36 PM
I'm still nursing to sleep my 20 month boy for naps and night time. He still wakes at least twice during the night to nurse- just for comfort it seems. I'm sleeping next to him. For naps I nurse him to sleep and leave him in the bed by himself.
I nursed my daughter to sleep until she was 2 1/2 years old. I was pregnant with my son and so we said goodbye to the nursing to sleep together- we counted down the nights from one week. Then we bought her a bike that she wanted. I continued to lie next to her to fall asleep without nursing her until I could no longer lie there comfortably because of my pregnant stomach. Then Daddy took over and lay next to her to fall asleep, then we moved to holding her hand to fall asleep and then at about 3 or almost 3 1/2 she went to sleep by herself. Now at four 1/2 she falls asleep easily and happily on her own after books etc.
I have always liked nursing them to sleep because they always fall asleep so easily and it's a nice down time for me, too!
Posted by: Julia | July 23, 2008 at 02:43 PM
I thought I should add:
I always read my daughter a book without letting her nurse while we were reading it so that then once she was weaned from nursing to sleep, I still read her the book lying next to her so that way most of her night time routine stayed the same. We tried to do everything with transitions- no big abrupt changes. I'm doing the same with my son now. Reading a book and then nursing to sleep so that I can drop the nursing to sleep eventually.
Posted by: julia | July 23, 2008 at 02:47 PM
I nursed my daughter to sleep until I weaned her at two and a half years.
She never really napped again, but was able to fall asleep at night in her crib with only a small transition time. Prior to weaning, she would ONLY sleep if she was nursed (or sometimes in the car).
Posted by: Melissa | July 23, 2008 at 02:50 PM
I nursed my daughter to sleep until I weaned her at two and a half years.
She never really napped again, but was able to fall asleep at night in her crib with only a small transition time. Prior to weaning, she would ONLY sleep if she was nursed (or sometimes in the car).
Posted by: Melissa | July 23, 2008 at 02:51 PM
My youngest never nursed to sleep either. From birth she wanted to nurse, detach, cuddle and play for a minute, then fall asleep. Strange thing is that she's more attached to nursing now (13 months) than her older sister was at the same age.
My oldest nursed to sleep until around 9 months. At that point she'd nurse, fall asleep, I'd lay her down then she'd wake up over and over again. We let her cry it out one night, and she never nursed to sleep again.
Posted by: Erica | July 23, 2008 at 03:02 PM
Not sure how helpful this is but thought I'd put my data point out there ;)
My son (now 2.5) nursed to sleep for about 3 months. He then would fall asleep on the breast but wake as soon as I moved him to his cot, so that didn't work for us after that. He self-weaned at 15months.
My daughter (now 13mo) nursed to sleep until she was 9.5 months old. She self-weaned around that time (the night feed was the last one she dropped) but only because she was 'pushed' by an easier alternative, as she was prescribed high-energy formula due to appallingly low weight gain (attributed to previously undiagnosed silent reflux). After an initial rocky start with bottles, she got on far better with them than she ever did with breastfeeding. Funnily enough, she has always been a MUCH better sleeper than my son, and has never given us a problem going down to sleep when awake (after self-weaning from nursing to sleep).
Posted by: Jen | July 23, 2008 at 03:13 PM
I had one kid who would squirm wildly, then return to nursing and fall asleep within minutes, so when I decided to cut out the nursing-to-sleep, it was just a matter of not allowing a return to nursing after The Squirm. That was at about 18 months.
I also had one who nursed to sleep off and on until about 2 years, 4 months. It's not just how long they want to do it, but when they get to an easily nudgeable stage, if you're amenable to nudging but not forcing.
Posted by: Slim | July 23, 2008 at 03:15 PM
@caramama, YES YES YES, she will. :)
Posted by: Charisse | July 23, 2008 at 03:17 PM
My son is just a few days shy of being 19 months old and he still nurses before naptime and bedtime. He used to nurse only during those times until 16 mos, but then started adding more sessions as he approached 18 mos.
Anyway, he doesn't really fall asleep nursing...it's more like it helps him unwind and get drowsy. He's still awake and smiling when I put him in the bed...he's got a lovey he's attached to and music he enjoys. Sometimes he will fall asleep at the breast but it's been rare since about 10-11 months.
We're just now sort of coming out of the 18 month sleep regression so naps and nightime sleep are still off. I plan on initiating weaning sometime around 21-22 months in hopes that it would go smoother than trying it right now.
Posted by: zenjen | July 23, 2008 at 03:27 PM
My son nursed to sleep until the day he weaned himself...at 13.5 months when he chose a smoothie over me. ;-) I never stressed about it because any sleep is good sleep! I am still nursing my 6.5 month old daughter to sleep about 1/2 the time. The other 1/2 she just passes out.
Posted by: Much More Than A Mom | July 23, 2008 at 03:33 PM
My son (now 22 months) nursed to sleep until around 10 months, he stopped falling asleep while nursing, except at nap time which stopped around 13 months. Then we would nurse before bed until 16.5 months. We had stopped nursing overnight at 15 months and would give him a glass of milk if he would wake up asking for milk. Then one day he asked for a glass of milk rather than to nurse to sleep. I was 4 months pregnant so had pretty much dried up by then. But it made the transition pretty effortless.
Posted by: Alice | July 23, 2008 at 03:53 PM
E is 19 months and still nurses to sleep, both at bedtime and for naps. She also nurses 1-3 times through the night. She CAN fall asleep without nursing, but needs to be held/walked.
I am curious about weaning and sleep training for when she hits two. Any suggestions, in addition to Dr. Gordon's method which I know nothing about?
Posted by: Nicol | July 23, 2008 at 03:56 PM
@Nicol, I wrote a little book to help wean my 2-year-old a couple years ago--talking about it was key, and reading the book for a couple weeks helped a lot. Link in my sig goes to a page where you can reach me if you'd like a copy.
Posted by: Charisse | July 23, 2008 at 04:06 PM
A big thanks to Charisse for the nursing book idea and template. I made a version of it for T. when we night-weaned, and it went incredibly well - several days of prep and discussion (at age 25 months), followed by one 30-minute period of struggle (the first time he awoke on the first night). After that, backrubs, handholding, and snuggling have helped for the few teething-related wakings we've had.
Anyone who wants a copy of the text - I did it in iPhoto so not sure how to share the book template - can e-mail me at lisa AT ampedit DOT com.
Posted by: Lisa | July 23, 2008 at 04:15 PM
oh - nursing-to-sleep data point:
T. slept terribly most of the first year, and it only got worse until we fixed the severe anemia (aha) at 11 months. By then, nursing to sleep - the only way that had worked - was pretty well ingrained. I was fine with it (just soooo happy to be waking only 2x/night vs. 8x).
Around 18 months, he started "popping off" and snuggling himself to sleep about half the time. We tried to encourage this further into not nursing to sleep at all, but no go - he'd repeatedly zonk out on the boob before pop-off. So again just went with it - it was fast and reliable, though it did cramp my evening plans a bit. By this time, he was waking once or twice per night (usually once at 3 AM), at which point I'd bring him into our bed, nurse 5 minutes, and he'd sleep.
We night-weaned with very little difficulty at 25 months (see above post), at which point he slept through the night (8ish-6ish) in his own bed. He still (30 months) nurses at bedtime, naptime, and when he wakes up. Not doing much to change this right now, but I suspect the naptime nurse may change/fade out once he starts preschool in Sept. and learns (I hope) to fall asleep there sans boob.
Posted by: Lisa | July 23, 2008 at 04:24 PM
My older son nursed to sleep - with music, which we gradually shortened each night - til about 18 mo, and then we snuggled and lay with him til he slept. We had inspiration and moved him out of the crib, so it was a "big boy" transition all around.
He's now 5 and sleeps great, though we still lie down with him most nights. When we *have* to, or when he is inspired, he goes to sleep by himself. But I love the snuggling - those crazy comments, the end of day disgorge.
Son No. 2 is almost 19 mo and only goes to sleep nursing, naps and nighttime, and waking in the night. I get angry! But he's having a bear of a time teething, had whooping cough, and the household is stressed over older brother's autism. So I try and be patient and pray for the developmental stage where he's eager to do it on his own.
I have a lot of pressure from my mom to wean him and we're about to visit her - egad - but she means well. If she witnessed the two-hour screamfests when we try alternatives, she'd back down fast. And since we're about to travel, it's a lousy time to initiate any changes.
There's hope; we have gotten him to sleep w/o but I find he wakes more often and is clingier and more aggressive when we lead the weaning.
I nursed my older son while pregnant with the little one and it does hurt, but lanolin helps a bunch. We did the out-of-town weaning method with him finally, and while he thought he wanted boob time when I got back, he just bit me and I told him (he was 3 yrs 3 mo by then) (though he was going to sleep w/o nursing by then, it was just comfort nursing) "when you bite me you are telling me you are done with nursing. All done!" and he accepted it. But as someone else noted, I waited 'til he could understand as we talked it out.
My little guy is very passionate and has a hot temper so I dread cutting him off. I really pray he goes off on his own ... time to cue the music again, like we did before, and I sit there night after night wondering why I haven't done it yet. In part, I think it's b/c I got SO damn tired of the tunes we chose!
Does everyone have this indecision and self-questioning??
Posted by: Kate | July 23, 2008 at 04:39 PM
My daughter (16 months) still nurses in bed as part of her bedtime routine, but often doesn't fall asleep while nursing. So I just lie with her after we're done nursing until she does fall asleep.
My son nursed to sleep until he was 29 months old. The bedtime nursing session was the last one that he gave up. He is now 3.5 yrs and still needs to be parented to sleep (i.e. DH sits in his room and reads while he goes to sleep), but I think he is ready to learn to go to sleep on his own.....DH just needs the will and patience to work on changing the process. Right now I think he's happy to sit there and read his book!
Posted by: Annie | July 23, 2008 at 04:40 PM
It's so encouraging to read all these comments as our 16-month old still really enjoys breastfeeding (mostly at bedtime and night wakings). Although I think for him, it's all about the comfort and closeness; as he has little affinity for milk (cow's or breast or any combo thereof) while he's awake and generally only tolerates milk from a bottle at naps because mom is not around.
My question is this: I'm all for going with the flow, but am concerned because we're contemplating baby #2 and my period has yet to return. Any tips on maintaining a breastfeeding relationship with the nursling while trying for #2? Or if the bf must stop, what's the best way to transition?
Posted by: Stephanie | July 23, 2008 at 04:40 PM
data points...
eldest nursed down most of the time until around 2, then would nurse, but stay awake and drift off on his own, some of the time - but still nursed down off and on until 3 1/4 (when he weaned). Note, he had silent reflux, so nursing down was self-medicating.
second nursed down for about a year, I think, but even before then it wasn't 'totally out' down, it was 'until done, then roll away from me and out like a light'.
twins nursed down for a long time, too - but I honestly don't recall how long. I stopped caring enough to pay attention. At that point I knew they'd stop eventually, so ... and maybe them being twins also made it less of a concern - whatever it takes, who am I to insist on something other than what works?
Posted by: hedra | July 23, 2008 at 04:40 PM
Ahh...a timely post for me as always with Moxie. We just hit the one-year mark here, and my bean still nurses to sleep if she's very very tired, but has recently been accepting falling asleep in the car for naptime, and is doing the nursing/playing in the crib/nursing again routine right now (the double-nurse, I'm not loving so much...the first one is all kicks and rolling and pulling my hair now, so I'm considering dropping that one and just keeping the true 'settle-down-to-sleep' nurse. There has been the rare occasion lately where she has gone into the crib (which she now points at to get in, yippee!) and then just chatters herself off to dreamland, which we love, but is also boggling our minds when it happens.
I'd like to wean soon, but I'm okay with it as it is right now.
Posted by: Cecily T | July 23, 2008 at 04:43 PM
Aw, I know I'm late to the party so no one is going to read this, but I have a couple of things to add. (I haven't read the comments because my toddler won't let me sit still that long.)
Anyway, I think there is one important clarification to make when it comes to nursing to sleep. One method is to nurse until comotose and then sit very still for 15 minutes until they're in deep, deep sleep and then sneak them into the bed. This method leads to madness when they get old enough to have their sleep patterns change. The other alternative is to nurse until they fall asleep and then move them. If they rouse a bit and are sleepily aware that they're being moved then you don't have to worry about creating a problem or causing "dangerous" sleep associations (which I don't believe in, but it's what people will say).
Anyway, I nursed my oldest to sleep the 1st way until it became problematic. Then we had to do a bit of gentle sleep training to get him to accept being moved to his bed at about 13 months. He just couldn't go into a sleep deep enough and quickly enough for me to sneak him into bed after that age. Once we taught him that going into his crib wasn't torture, I continued to nurse him to sleep until he moved into a big boy bed at 2. Then he dropped nursing to sleep because reading books in his new bed was more alluring.
With my 2nd I've always just nursed him to sleep and then immediately, without dilly-dallying moved him to his crib. He just thinks that's the way things are so he doesn't protest unless he's sick or teething. He's currently 17 months old. If he's not ready for sleep - not tired, working through a developmental spurt, etc - then he won't seriously nurse until he's ready to sleep. It's nice for me to have that indication that he's FINALLY ready to settle down.
Posted by: Sally | July 23, 2008 at 04:48 PM
Oh so glad you posted this! DD is almost 10 months and can't fall asleep without the magic ta-tas. I see other 10 month old Moms whose babies magically fall asleep in their crib and stay there, sleeping, for the next 12 hours. Um. So. Not. Us.
She's nursed to sleep from her very first feed. There's only been two times when she fell asleep from rocking (the feeding didn't work), and a handful of times when she fell asleep in the car long enough for us to carry her in. She will fall asleep when I wear her, but she never stays asleep for longer than a 20 minute nap that way.
She sleeps in her crib, in our room (we made a walk in closet into a crib nook), if that makes a difference. I'm not in a huge hurry to give up the nursing-to-sleep, but I'm certainly feeling the commentary on it here too.
Posted by: wavybrains | July 23, 2008 at 04:49 PM
@stephanie, talk to your ob/midwife about high dose B6 or chastetree berry (vitex). The high dose B6 can whack your supply (or so I found), but it does regulate lactation hormones and therefore allows cycles to return more effectively (I don't know if this is considered a safe method at this point - it was commonly recommended when I was trying while nursing, and it did work for me, lengthened my luteal phase nicely, and while it did whack my supply it was temporary - a friend of mine didn't have a rebound so dropped the B6). Oh, and that friend went for vitex, which also lengthens luteal phase (one of the common issues with nursing and trying to get pregnant is the luteal phase is too short). She found vitex worked but didn't affect supply. Again, I don't know what the safety profile is - so check with your care provider.
Posted by: hedra | July 23, 2008 at 04:52 PM
One quit nursing to sleep around 18 months. The other -- at almost three! -- will nurse to sleep if I let her, but Daddy started putting her to bed (no nursing there!) at around 18 months. So ... 18 months for both kids.
Posted by: Louisa | July 23, 2008 at 05:45 PM
FWIW - my daughter was bottle-fed, and she stopped falling asleep with the bottle (always held by me - never propped in her crib, of course!) right around 12 months. Sounds similar to the 8-10 month mark of many of the breastfed babies. After that, we'd just rock her until she was sleepy or until she indicated she wanted to be in her bed. It was harder for me to give up the nighttime cuddles than it was for her!
Posted by: Amy | July 23, 2008 at 06:07 PM
With the first -- gave it up herself around a year.
With the second -- she had weaned herself around 7 months (please don't get me started) but gave up needing a bottle to go to sleep also around 1 year. So for my kids it was a common time to want to go to sleep on their own after a story/cuddle/song.
Posted by: Carla Hinkle | July 23, 2008 at 06:36 PM
I don't remember how old my first was when she quit nursing to sleep at night. I think it was 8 months, but my dh disagrees and would tell it was something closer to 4 months. And we all cried when it was time to put her to sleep (note that she was not even close to sleeping through the night at this point, so she nursed and went back to sleep in the middle of the night just fine).
My second was around 33 months when she quit nursing to sleep. I cried. I wanted her to nurse to sleep forever. It makes bedtime sooo much easier. Alas, that was it. She would nurse for two seconds, pop off and run around. It was a disaster.
Posted by: Joni | July 23, 2008 at 06:44 PM
I nursed #1 to sleep until she was about 2. At that point, she would nurse to sleep if I was putting her to bed, but not if my husband was. She's nearly 5 and we still have some quiet time with her at night or lay down with her for a little while, depending on how her day was (if she was in trouble all day, we try to give her some extra snuggle time before bed).
#2 is about 8.5 months old and is nursing to sleep 99% of the time. Every now and again, she'll just fall asleep on my husband (and then wake an hour or so later to nurse), but that is pretty infrequent.
I figured it was easier to go with the flow. If the baby's happy and I'm getting some sleep, I'll take it.
Posted by: Dawn | July 23, 2008 at 06:50 PM
for my oldest, I nursed her to sleep until about 6 months, when it didn't work anymore, and then I had to put her over my shoulder and pat her back and rock her to sleep, and then when that stopped working I just threw her into her crib and she was able to fall asleep on her own...
for the second it was a bit longer (I cannot remember, I was so sleep deprived for more than a year!) -- probably around 10-11 months, and then nursing her to sleep didn't work and I moved on to other things
Posted by: lori | July 23, 2008 at 07:10 PM
Both of mine stopped nursing to sleep before 12 mos. I know with #1 it was about 9 mos, with #2 it was a bit later, probably 10-11 mos.
In both cases they just started popping off the breast and looking around sleepily rather than staying latched on until their eyes closed and their bodies went limp. #1 was already sleeping long stretches by then, and when he started doing that, I'd just rock him for awhile and then put him down in his bed and he'd drift off to sleep.
#2 didn't sleep more than 3 hours at a stretch until she was 14 months old (you've got to eat frequently to be 25 pounds at 9 mos while hating all solid foods), and it took a little more rocking and singing and back-patting to get her to go down, but she did.
Posted by: Sara VanLooy | July 23, 2008 at 07:28 PM
My son nursed or had pumped breastmilk, at one year he cut back to first thing in the morning and nursing to sleep. Then, at exactly 14 months he just screamed when I got ready to nurse him...we kept trying a little longer but he was no longer interested. So he self weaned his nursing to sleep at 14 months (he was born at 36 weeks if that helps your statistics)
Posted by: strugi | July 23, 2008 at 07:38 PM
The Boy stopped falling asleep while nursing at about 5 months. At that point, he popped off when he was done nursing, I put him in bed, and patted his back until he fell asleep (usually about 5-10 min, which I didn't mind). As of about a month ago (he is now 9 months), he started seeming more agitated if we stayed in the room. We started putting him in the crib, patting 3 or 4 times, and going out quietly. Most of the time he falls asleep either quietly or with minimal fussing (always made worse if we go back in the room). Occasionally, we can tell the cry is more than just wind-down fussing, so we go back and rock for a few minutes before exiting quietly again. We have the same routine for naps.
Fairly recently, we had a dinner party that we really didn't want to miss, and it started an hour before his normal bedtime. It was close to home, so I nursed him about 1h15 minutes earlier than usual, left him with my parents and his solid food dinner, and he went to sleep for them with no problems. I think he'd protest the lack of relaxing nursing right before bed if I were home, but he knew it wasn't an option, so he did it on his own! Good to know for future social events!
Posted by: Joceline | July 23, 2008 at 07:39 PM
17 months, then he wanted only daddy at bedtime.
Posted by: Rayne of Terror | July 23, 2008 at 07:48 PM