We need data points on nursing to sleep

I've gotten some emails recently from moms who have been nursing their babies to sleep, but are getting lots of pushback from other people about how they need to stop or their kids will "never learn to fall asleep on their own." I know we all know this is ridiculous, since no one goes off to college with their mom along. But I thought it would be helpful if we had some data points about what would actually happen if you just went with it.

My oldest needed to nurse to sleep, and abruptly stopped at around 11 months. He still wanted to nurse at bedtime, but couldn't fall asleep that way anymore. Instead, he wanted his dad to rock him. (That lasted for a few months, then we went into a few months of someone lying down next to his crib, then that was over, and he started going to bed on his own, which shocked and delighted me at the time. You know how with that first kid it all seems so endless?)

My second kid never could nurse down to sleep, so he's no use as a data point for this question.

I've heard of several other kids who stopped nursing down of their own accord somewhere in the 10-12-month neighborhood, but I'm wondering if this is common.

So, if you nursed to sleep at bedtime until your child gave it up on his or her own, how old was your kid?

If you pushed the weaning for that feed yourself, I'm glad you did what worked for you, but your results aren't useful for the data we're trying to get on this post today.

Also, you can give info about naps if you want, but I don't think naps and nighttime sleep always have much in common timewise.

Comments

[Annika]

I'm pretty useless to you, since we (gently) took away bedtime nursing around a year and a half, but I do still nurse him to sleep for naps and the occasional bedtime when Daddy is not home and he goes back and forth just fine (he's now 26 months). So maybe that's good to know? That it doesn't have to be all or nothing, that is.

[Moxie]

Ah, good point, Annika.

[MemeGRL]

Not sure how helpful this will be, but in the theme of "it seems like it might never end," here's how ours ended.
Son 1 nursed before bed until he was 17 months old. By about 15 months, bedtime was only nursing time. One week, around when I was 3 months pregnant, he started getting squirmy and agitated while nursing. Then one night, he nursed, pulled off, and gave his baby signs for "All done!" and "thank you!" And he never nursed again. I swear it happened exactly like that.
Son 2 nursed before bed until he was 22 months old...until he didn't. One night he just hopped off to bed without nursing and that was it.
I'm trying to remember how old they were when they stopped actually falling asleep while eating. At some point, when solid foods were pretty well established as the main source of nutrients, they wanted to nurse as the last thing before bed, but we gently encouraged them to be at least semi-awake when we put them in. That led to them nursing and then one more book, or right to bed but not asleep, etc.
But just to confuse things, Son 2 was a very enthusiastic nurser, and even a month before he self-weaned, he would still nurse himself asleep at naps and some bedtimes. Really, it was more naptime I was worried about since that's when he really seemed to need the nursings to drop off.
I don't know how helpful that is with data points though. Sorry to ramble.

[SarcastiCarrie]

Nursed to sleep until 8 or 9 months, then nurse (or later a bottle) before bed but not to sleep until 18 months when I took the bottle away. Then it was a sippy cup before bed (but not to sleep) until now at over 3 he still has a cup of milk in his room while reading books before bed.

[attiton]

I don't know Moxie, but the kids who don't nurse to sleep seem like data points to me. That is, some kids do nurse to sleep and some kids don't, so behaving like one way is "the right" way (namely, not needing the nursing) and the other is the "wrong" way is counterproductive.

Rabbit never consistently nursed to sleep at night, but she would sometimes fall asleep while nursing (does that make sense?). I guess what I'm saying is that she never developed an association between nursing and sleep past the newborn stage. That said, all of this ended at around 8 months, I would say. After that, food was all about wakefulness. And, she only maybe twice ever fell asleep while drinking from a bottle (we always did about half-and-half breast/bottle).

[Jill]

Pretty early on, we started a bottle to go to sleep, but I nursed him back to sleep in the (MANY) night wakings, and nursed him down for naps pretty often too, when he didn't fall asleep in the car. (He still does most naps in the car)

For bedtime, we started getting him to fall asleep in his crib. We have a little couch in his room and we'd read books, then turn off the light and give a bottle (and occasionally nurse). he started popping off or handing the bottle back to us and then he'd cuddle and fall asleep in my arms. So I started moving him to the crib right befoe he was asleep, and then I'd kneel next to the crib while he fell asleep. This was probably around 13-14 months?

I tihnk that step helped him start going back to sleep on his own because he finally stopped waking up ALL.NIGHT.LONG and got to maybe once or twice.

To get rid of the night nursings, I just waited til I was ready to wean - around 16 1/2 months. He had already started on his own though. When he wakes, I usually take him into the guest room and sleep with him the rest of the night. He had started just cuddling and falling asleep instead of nursing all the time anyway. So I just stopped offering, and I had a bottle of milk in case of emergency in an ice bucket. he stopped drinking more than a sip or two of that, so now I just keep a sippy of water by the bed in case he needs a sip.

So he did it pretty easily, and with a little prodding. There were a few nights where he kpet signing milk at me while I held a bottle out... and it was heartbreaking, but he got over it in about 2 minutes and grudgingly took the bottle and fell asleep.

[Brooke]

My daughter is almost 2.5 years and still nurses to sleep at night. But she can (easily) go to sleep without when the milk isn't available.

[MelanieTM]

Nursed/bottle to sleep until around 12 months (same time babe gave up nursing completely and went to bottle on her own). Still has nighttime milk (from sippy now at 18 months) but hasn't been put to bed asleep in 6 months now.

[flea]

I can't remember what happened with No. 1, who is about to be 5, but she is still completely addicted to a sippy of milk before bed.

No. 2 wasn't nursing to sleep by about 5 months. He'd nurse before going to sleep (and still does), but actually fell asleep without the nipple in his mouth. (Amusingly, fluttering kisses on his cheeks was a sure-fire way to get him to sleep at that point!) Since I work, naps were non-nursing sometimes by 8 weeks.

[sheree]

My older son nursed to sleep till he was around 13 mos. Then one day he just stopped...he would nurse then we'd rock for a bit (about 10 min) and I'd put him down in our bed and lay with him till he fell asleep. Around 18 mos, he started falling asleep while we rocked and I'd just lay him in his crib. FWIW, he was night weaned at 15 mos and completely weaned at 23 mos.

My younger son never nursed to sleep and refused to co-sleep. He night weaned at a year and weaned completely at 21 mos.

We did parent-led night weaning (DH got up with both kids for about a week and that took care of it), but daytime nursing was child-led.

[Anna]

Yep to Moxie's data point. M. stopped nursing to sleep at around 10 months. My husband started rocking her to sleep at night, and still does (at 15 months). When I do the night routine, I still nurse her, but she pulls off and then falls asleep.

Unfortunately, this didn't translate, as I was lead to believe (ahem, No-Cry Sleep Solution) into a magical night of sleep without constant waking to nurse. But we are making gradual progress in that direction...

[Elizabeth Z]

My daughter also stopped nursing to sleep at about 10 months, and it was certainly not my idea. It was so easy when it worked!

[Julie]

Did it for as long as he needed it....and we still give a bottle of milk at bedtime because it helps to settle him/soothe him. He's 2.5. If he wakes in the middle of the night and sounds like he won't be able to settle himself, I will bring him a bottle of milk then too (and wish I was still breastfeeding b/c nothing sucks more than waiting for a bottle of milk to warm up in the microwave at 2 AM). I choose not to feel guilty or worry about this b/c despite what people warned me about (if you keep giving him bottles in the middle of the night he will wake up to have that time with you) he is a human being who actually LIKES to sleep. Unless he has a bad dream, or got too much daytime sleep, or is getting sick....he generally sleeps all the way through the night because that's what his body needs more than a bottle of milk. So I say hooey to all those warnings. Eventually they will all go to sleep on their own, and they will sleep through the night without needing anything from you regardless of what you do/do not do. I look back on all the fretting I did over things that - in retrospect - resolved themselves at the developmentally appropriate time, with little intervention from me.

[paola]

With no.1, I nursed to sleep until I weaned him at 17 months. He wasn't good at falling asleep on his own without the boob with me around, but did it with everyone else. He did however know how to get back to sleep on his own as he was sleeping thru at 10 weeks ( sorry to brag)and I imagine at some point he was waking and getting back to sleep by himself.

My 18.5 month old still wants me to nurse her down at night, but she is almost always still awake when I put her to bed. This has been going on since 7 months when we sleep trained. We both like the evening nurse, and it's a top up in case she is still hungry. Oh, BTW, now she is putting up quite a fuss when I put her to bed. She'll cry a bit before dropping off, something she never did before. I presume this is due to the god-awful 18 month sleep regression.

[Ashley]

My daughter stopped nursing to sleep at about 24-25 months, after I used Dr. Jay Gordon's nightweaning plan for night wakings/feedings. I didn't follow it word for word because after the first waking where I didn't feed her and comforted her through singing, patting, etc she didn't wake much after that.

I didn't set out to break the nursing to sleep at first, but it naturally followed, with her giving it up on her own.

She is still nursing in the morning and after daycare/work.

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

[Shannon]

My son went off and on in terms of actually falling asleep while nursing, but I think he was completely unable to nurse to sleep after about 10 months. Now he is weaned but still has a bottle of soy milk for bedtime and naps at home, yet somehow does not need it for naps at daycare.

[Ashley]

And some other things I didn't add- she woke every 2-3 hours for 2 years before the gentle nightweaning. She is very verbal and I waited until she was ready to understand what I was saying and even though she was angry, she understood. She wasn't scared or confused.

Since then, she is STTN beautifully. Consider me a happy mama!

Also, she does take a sippy of water to bed with her, I guess it is her replacement for nursing to sleep, but one that she chose.

[perries]

Still nursing to sleep and some night nursing @ 16.5 months. He does nap just fine without nursing, but on weekends I sometimes nurse at naptime. He just transitioned to the toddler room at daycare and he definitely has nursed more at night, recently. I think it is connected. So far I plan to let him quit on his own, but we do have Daddy putting him down for his nap so I can have that extra time to do stuff.

[pnuts mama]

nursed pnut to sleep for what felt like forever- between 15 to 18 months i think, although early on when she'd be in that milky coma i'd slip out my nipple and put in her binky. which she still uses at bedtime. which is a blessing and a curse, i suppose. she was always a kid who needed oral soothing, liked to suck (knew she was hungry if she spit the bink out) and we were ok with it. if she brings her binky to college, so be it.

i will say it used to haunt me that she couldn't go to sleep w/o nursing down. it made me crazy- so anxious and angry that i was the only one who could get her to settle down (besides the swing or driving- but if i needed to put her down in the crib it had to be passed out from the boob) and i had so much resentment- mostly due i think to not ever being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel (which i imagine is a theme when you are a first time mommy? it was for me, it seems)- now with the bean i keep thinking "oh well, this will pass eventually" with things.

and now back to self-diagnosing thrush? or just an overenthusiastic barracuda baby who is chomping me raw with this mandated feeding every 2 hours to increase his weight...sigh...

[electriclady]

Can we include going to sleep with a bottle (baby in arms, not given bottle alone), since that's basically the same suck-comfort-sleep connection? My daughter went down with a bottle for every nap and bedtime and night waking until she was about 9 months old. At that point she stopped falling asleep on the bottle at bedtime but still needed someone to lie down with her until she fell asleep. She is now nearly 18 months old and I still lie down with her to help her get to sleep. She was waking once a night asking for a bottle (this one usually just water or an ounce of milk with a few ounces of water) but the last few weeks she's been sleeping straight through or waking up and fussing for few minutes and then going back to sleep.

However, she does still need a bottle and music to fall asleep for her nap. We're contemplating putting her in daycare soon and I'm thinking we'll just let the daycare provider solve that situation.

[eep]

We bottle-fed from early on. My son is almost 13 months old, and until a few weeks ago he fell asleep while on the bottle most nights. One evening, at around 11.5 months, he finished his bottle and started squirming and crying. Like crazy crying. My husband didn't know what to do since that was so very unusual. I suggested just putting him in his crib, where he promptly rolled over and went to sleep.

Since that night he hasn't fellen asleep in our arms at bedtime, but usually goes down easily once we feed him and put him in his crib. This was not my idea and I miss the extended snuggling at the end of the day. Sometimes he likes a few minutes of cuddling and rocking, but often he just wants to go to bed. I have no immediate plans to cut out the bedtime bottle since he still finishes it most nights and obviously wants to drink it.

[Elizabeth]

My little girl is still nursing to sleep (for naps and bedtime, and several times during the night) at 18+ months. We're starting to talk about night weaning, looking at Dr. Jay Gordon's method in particular. I'm actually okay with one or two night wakings, but it would be nice to have her go to bed without me. That's actually going to be what we try first. I feel guilty because the main reason I am starting to want this now is so that I can go to a friend's bachelorette party. It sounds horribly selfish to want to change what the baby does so that I can go to some party, but there you have it. (And my friend totally understands that I might not be able to attend, but we have been friends for almost 20 years now, and I hate to let her down.)

[Pippi]

I stopped nursing my daughter to sleep at about 8 months because it was taking FOREVER. At first I'd sneak in a pacifier when she was half asleep and that would get her to sleep faster (maybe the swallowing was keeping her awake?), then I tried bouncing her on the exercise ball with the pacifier, now at 9 months we're singing her to sleep with the pacifier. I wish she'd quickly nurse to sleep like she did a while back, but it just doesn't work well anymore.

[Cloud]

I'm no use on the nursing to sleep at night data point- we stopped that when she was very young (5 months? I can't remember) because it just wasn't working for her. She slept better if she had a little more time between eating and sleeping. I think this was related to her issues with gas. For a little while at about 14 months, she started demanding to be nursed right before she went to sleep, sometimes dropping off while nursing- she dropped that on her own after a month and I still have no idea what was up with that.

I nursed her down for naps quite frequently until she was about 9 or 10 months old. She didn't always want this, and then at about 10 months old it just stopped working.

I still nurse her back to sleep in the middle of the night. She's almost 16 months old now. Sometimes she'll go back to sleep without it, but sometimes she screams until I nurse her. So mostly, I just go nurse her because that is easiest.

I will say that she seems to be changing her preferences on her bedtime routine right now. I wonder if babies go through phases of what works, regardless of what the technique is? Right now, Pumpkin still needs to be walked/rocked mostly to sleep (this takes less than 10 minutes most nights). I think she is working towards going down without this, and to be honest, I'm a little sad about that. I'll miss the cuddle time.

[theclevermom]

My first nursed to sleep. And since I had almost no milk (poor starved chicken!) he nursed a lot over night. We weaned at 23 mths.

I would not say he required nursing to go to sleep at any age, but boyo was it ever a very useful tool! In fact, that is one of the bonuses of nursing and how it is supposed to work: you put the boob in their mouth, oxytocin and endorphins start flowing, you and baby get sleepy. It's a chemical reaction that most nursing moms use to their advantage .

After we stopped nursing, we cuddled to sleep every night in a family bed. I liked and encouraged this. I wanted my son to sleep when he was tired and I'd cuddle him if he was having trouble settling to encourage stillness so he could calm down enough to fall asleep. Many people said I was spoiling him and ruining his sleep and that he would NEVER (love those absolutes!) be able to sleep on his own.

Well, now, at 5, he puts himself to bed every night. And, when school is on, he happily hops into bed at a decent time and needs no bargaining, cajoling, pleading or trickery. I attribute this to the fact that he is strongly attuned to knowing when he is tired and going to sleep then. Sometimes that is 6:30pm and sometimes it's 10:00pm.

And, when his brother was born a year ago, he switched to his own bed with no fuss at all. Even if I invite him to snuggle with me and my youngest, he won't, preferring to sleep solo now - though he loves a family snuggle in the mornings :)

Knowing a lot of AP families who nurse to sleep, co-sleep, cuddle to sleep, etc, I have observed that nursing to sleep DOES NOT lead to sleep dependency issues and that children who are encouraged to sleep on a flexible schedule that they establish will have very healthy sleep habits as they grow.

[amberjee]

My Imp is 18 months now, we still nurse before bed, but not nurse to sleep. He stopped nursing to sleep probably around 10 months (if I remember). He nursed just the same but stayed awaked instead of drifting. So we found new ways of getting to sleep, and he actually became pretty good at getting himself to sleep. We just went through a blip which I emailed Moxie about where he wanted to nurse to sleep again. I didn't like it because he wanted to nurse for 1/2 an hour or more and it was making my nipples sore and I was getting frustrated, so I stopped him after 10 mins, which would be about his normal feed and tried to get him to bed another way. It was disastrous for about a week, then it went back to normal again last night. So here's hoping. I'm thinking about weaning but it's just too hard at hte moment. I am heartened by the fact that some kids can nurse or not nurse and not be bothered. I'd really like to go out and just let Daddy do the bedtime occassionally.

[Audrey]

2 data points for me:

Baby 1, hard-core nurse-to-sleep boy. He was also really into music, and at about 15 months wanted to listen to the stereo softly at bedtime (on endless repeat of a "bedtime CD" we made). So I would nurse, then put him to bed awake and he would listen to music until he fell asleep. No drama at all, much to my surprise.

Baby 2, less of an avid nurser (but still going strong at 15 months). At about 13 months, she would arch and pull away from me after she finished nursing. I can now just recognize that she's done, pop in a binkie, and she goes right to sleep in her crib. All her idea, and I'm still astounded and grateful!

[Amy]

Both my kids nursed to sleep. My older daughter nursed until I finally "weaned by abandonment" when she was 28 months old by leaving her home while I went to St. Thomas for a week (Best Way To Wean, hands down). She nursed to sleep for, oh, the first year and a half or so, but then she'd nurse a bit, and I would read to her or list all the people who love her ("Gramma loves you, Daddy loves you, the dog loves you..." etc.) while lying beside each other. Now, at 35 months, we read two books and then we're quiet, but I still hold her until she falls asleep.

Her little sister is much less attached to nursing, and although she still nurses at 16 months, she has never been a big "nurse to sleeper". I think we realized somewhere around 8 or 9 months that she preferred to have Daddy rock her to sleep, so she will nurse while Daddy reads her big sis a story, then I read sis's second story while Daddy rocks her to sleep.

Each child is different, but as with all things in parenting, this stage won't last forever. If it's working for Mom and it's working for Baby, it's no one else's business. Tell the backpushers to mind their own beeswax (unless it's Dad, in which case let him try to get the unhappy baby to bed on his own for a few nights, and after that he'll either be successful and then Mom's out of the bedtime business, or he'll be tearing out his hair and stop criticizing).

Amy @ http://prettybabies.blogspot.com

[Sherry]

My baby nursed at night until 14.25 months. Sometimes she'd fall asleep while nursing, but not often. I don't think she has ever been wedded to a certain routine at night, as long as I am very calming. Some nights are easy and some aren't. If nursing to sleep is working and the baby is staying asleep most of the night, I'd be happy.

[Cassie]

My son (now 19 months) nursed all the way to sleep at bedtime until around 13-14 months, at which point he started popping off when he was done, and pointing vaguely in the direction of his cot (we co-sleep-ish -- co-slept the whole night until he crawled off the bed in his sleep while we weren't in the room. Twice. Now he's in his cot until he wakes around 2:00, then he asks to come into bed with us). If I put him down right away after he pops off the boob, he will just bounce around the cot, grinning like mad, so I usually rock him until he's sleepy, and then put him down, awake but not hyper. So, he stopped the nursing to sleep all by himself.

Other info: he will still (half the time?) nurse all the way to sleep at naptime (but doesn't need to, because he'll fall asleep without nursing or rocking or anything at nursery, which he goes to one day a week); we nightweaned at around 17 months, which kind of stuck (he gets his "morning" feed when he wakes at 4 -- not ideal, but we haven't had much luck pushing it later); he *was* somewhat dayweaned (only naptime, bedtime, and morning) until this past weekend when it all went out the window because he came down with a nasty tummy bug and we were back to all breast milk all the time.

[anonymousToday]

unfortunately, one of the reasons why I initiated weaning at about 16 months for my son was the going-to-sleep feedings. I was just.so.tired.ugh. because it was a new school year, (I'm a teacher), and I couldn't bear it. Weaning was the only way I could get my husband to share bedtime routine duties :( My husband is terrific but his understanding of my nursing needs at that point was diminishing, (extra sleep, extra nutritious food, extra water, time...) I still feel a bit bad about this but he is now 3+ and very healthy and happy so I ought to cut myself some slack I suppose :)

[Laura]

I have to say, that I nursed my son until he was two-and-a-half years old, with no end in sight. Finally I had to stop, so my husband took him on a ten-day-long trip while my milk production dried up. At four years old, he still is very fond of my "milks" and would like to play with them while falling asleep!

[Nicole]

Ok, are we talking nursed TO sleep or just nursed before bed? Nursed to sleep seemed like it stopped around eight months or so? Nursed before bed until 15 months, then gave it up on her own, also very abruptly.

I think a lot of the reason people make these sorts of comments (I imagine it is partners and/ or grandparents, but maybe I am projecting?) is that there is a jealousy about the mother/ child bond from other family members. Or, if we are being generous, a concern for the mother's well-being. But I am curious what the motivation for making these sorts of comments is, if anyone out there knows.

[Christina]

My boy is 9.5 months and we nurse last thing but he only falls asleep about half of the time, the rest of the time I just put him to bed in his crib and he goes to sleep on his own. Naps are the same, sometimes he falls asleep sometimes not. I have been able to put him down awake since he was about 4 months old.

[Colleen]

Nursed to sleep and coslept with many many wakings until about 8.5 months, when nursing to sleep became such a fraught process we needed a change. He would kick me and push me away, roll on his tummy and nurse to the side, anything to not be close to me while going to sleep. At the same point in time, we moved him from our bed to a crib in the other bedroom--daddy now does the final bedtime stretch and when there are no incidents of teething, growing, cognitive changes, he goes to sleep without a peep and sleeps well on his own. I would have nursed him to sleep several to many times a night until college if he hadn't started this whole kicking and wiggling routine, which in hindsight I think was him telling me that it was time for him to have a sleeping space of his own.

[Christine]

We're still nursing to sleep at 2 yrs 3 months, though he finally started spontaneously sleeping through the night just after he turned two. The only way to get him to sleep without me is to take him for a walk in the stroller, and then transfer him later when he's out cold, but even then he sometimes wakes and needs a boob to get back to sleep.

I wouldn't mind except that I'm five months pregnant and don't know how we'll keep doing it when the new baby comes. Maybe he'll have weaned by then. Or we'll figure something out.

[Shandra]

I nursed my son down to sleep at night most nights until about 9 months. Then it stopped working, so we both walked/rocked him to sleep.

Then it worked again. Then it stopped. Starting around 15 months he would still nurse, but then talk/sing/sleep on his own.

We more or less nightweaned around 18 months, and it had no impact. He still wakes up in the night some nights, chats, gets a hug, goes back to sleep. It's very short and peaceful, but he likes to check in that we're still around.

Around age 2 I had to go away for work and he went to sleep no problem, no nurse whatsoever.

Basically he was never really an addict. :) I'm hoping this is a lifelong personality trait. I can't take credit for it though. My son has so much trouble going to sleep that if nursing had done it consistently we'd've stuck with it.

[tina]

My son is 2.7 yo and nurses to sleep every time. If I'm not around, he melts down for a couple of hours before passing out. I am pregnant and only producing colostrum at this point, btw.

[suzanna]

My data: I have twins, and nursed both down for as long as possible. Actually, I only *started* nursing down around 6 months- before that I had been convinced it was evil. ha! nursing down is bliss. Anyway, J stopped falling asleep on the boob consistently around 12 months. N has only recently stopped, at 16 months. He will still fall asleep on the boob if he's really tired, but it can take a while. I actually think in his case it *is* related to naps, since I recently weaned both from the nap-time nursing to sleep. I really thought N would never be able to fall asleep without boob. In fact he can't, if I'm in the room, but does it fine with Dad.

[scribblette]

my oldest nursed to sleep for ALL her sleep for the first three months. after that, her SAHD gave her bottles for naps but naps were sporadic; nursing her to sleep was still most effective. it stopped being necessary at around 6 months, which i think had to do with the introduction of solids and her burgeoning interest in things other than mama and her breast. btw, this kid also completely self-weaned just a few weeks before her first birthday.

[Colleen]

Oh and I would say to parents of young babies--there's a lot of that "she/he will never if" advice that is well meant but stings for the freshman parent. If it's possible, tune it out. If not and you feel you need to respond, feel free to lie, nod and smile, or say whatever works for you.

[Stephanie]

With my daughter, now 3, she nursed to sleep until she was 29 months. I never made any effort to change this. However, starting at 17 months, she could fall asleep on her own just fine if I wasn't around. Around 29 months, I was very pregnant with #2 and we started incorporating books and cuddling into our bedtime routine and then she just didn't need to nurse anymore.

[stacy]

B. stopped nursing to sleep very early, something like 3 weeks.

But if it changes the data, he nursed back to sleep after night-waking until he was almost a year old. And he only stopped because we imposed a night weaning plan on him.

[chapmanchick]

My DS is 18+ months and loves_my_boobs. 98% of the time he nurses to sleep for naps and bedtime. The other 2% (when I am not around) Dad waits until he falls asleep on his own, usually cuddling while watching TV or stroking his head/face. We co-sleep as well and although the crib is next to our bed and DS usually starts out the night there, he comes into our bed when waking during the night since nursing is the ONLY way to efficiently soothe him back to sleep. I tried sneaking a "suckie" into his mouth before falling asleep and he hates it.

I do get resentful that I don't have my own space to sleep and that I am the only one able to put him to sleep. When I get that way I try to schedule some me-time and I'm good for another couple of weeks.

I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But what we do works for the most sleep for all concerned. Except for a few weeks after birth I have never considered myself sleep-deprived.

Interesting reading about other people's experiences. It proves that every kid has different and unique needs. Moms can stop beating themselves up because as far as I am concerned, if your kid is not broken at the end of the day(or night), you've done a good job.

[Jenny on the Block]

my oldest nursed to sleep until 18 months then i went out of town and when i came back he was done. my youngest (who is 18 months now) still nurses 3-4 times a day/night. he nurses before nap and bed but can go to sleep without me.

[Charisse]

Mouse nursed to sleep most nights until I weaned her at 2 years. She sporadically went through longer and longer stretches of not needing it, but if things got rough in some way (illness, developmental spurt, etc.) she'd go back to it. Since she never in her life took a bottle or paci (she started with a sippy when I went back to work at 6 mos but I didn't feel that that offered the sucking comfort she seemed to need--she was a super sucky baby who would nurse for 45 minutes at a time) I just went with it. I fretted a lot about whether I was spoiling her or a weak mom or whatever, but it seemed to work for us. She went down independently for naps at daycare from 8 months on, but continued to nurse down at home (rolling nap being the only other thing that worked) until weaning. After weaning, no home naps except once or twice during illness. Fine with us--she didn't really need naps after 2 and it was actually a hassle that daycare continued to enforce them. (She's a low-sleep-need kid.)

Mouse is now 4 years 3 mos. About half the time, she asks for a parent to stay with her until she falls asleep, which usually takes 5 or 10 minutes. We're fine with that.

[Shelby Shankland]

My daughter nursed to sleep for naps and bedtime until about 7/8 months old. Then, she would still nurse for sleepytimes, but she would pull off and get a little fussy. I interpreted that as 'please lay me down so that I can go to sleep now,' and, lo and behold, that was the case. She has put herself to sleep ever since then - for naps, after nursing & for bedtime after books and nursing. I should also mention here that she still night-nursed until about 8.5 months, when we implemented the 'chair method' (or gradual extinction, or 'assisted crying') method of sleep coaching. Because she was already adept at self-soothing and was clearly ready for the switch, it only took us 2 nights and about 3 hours of crying total.

[Nella]

@ Nicole; I think the reason (in my case, anyway) for the comments is that they are ignorant about the nursing mother/baby relationship. I think to many members of my family who formula/bottle fed their children and had them all sleeping in their own cribs in their own rooms since birth, they see the nursing a 22 month old as nursing a "big kid" and having him sleep in bed with us is just more than they can wrap their minds around it would seem.

Sometimes when I am over at my in laws and my guy is nursing they will make comments to him like, "you shouldn't be doing that! No!" like he's doing something wrong. So while I am trying to wean (and quickly because I'm pregnant and in pain over here!) I really don't appreciate him almost being scolded for doing something that is so comforting and natural to him.

Anyway, I got a little off topic there, but that has been my personal experience. And thanks to all the responders (and Moxie for the question) I am taking notes for #2!

[Beth]

Moxie - you have perfect timing, as always. Tonight was going to be THE NIGHT for ending the going-to-sleep nursing but after reading these comments, I'm reconsidering. My son is a few days shy of 15 months and up until now he has nursed to sleep every night of his life. I haven't minded it at all, and he loves it. He sleeps through the night (consistently from about 12 months). He used to nurse down for all his naps but he was gradually weaned from that about 1 month ago. Now he tends to take his naps in the stroller.
My 'reason' for thinking that I'd end the bed time nursing tonight was that we are trying for #2 and I had a vague sense that he 'should' be learning to go to sleep on his own. But, he loves his 'drink with Mommy', as we call it, and it is a fast, easy, comforting way to drift off so perhaps I'll leave it and see whether he gives it up on his own sometime in the next few months. I'm reading all posts with great interest. Any advice very welcome.

[Missy]

Can I just say that I hate that kind of "advice" from people? Seriously, if I hear the words never or always, I tune it out.

Anyway, I nursed 3 kids to sleep until it no longer worked. I think it was somewhere between 8-10 months for each of them. If your baby is going to sleep easily and you are fine with it, don't change a thing, I say!