Q&A: Toddler punches himself in the head

Kirsty writes:

"My son is 16 months old and he just started punching himself in the head this past week. I find it really upsetting and disturbing. He punches himself when he seems  frustrated, tired or isn’t getting what he wants. It can be only a couple times a day or countless times a day. At first I told him not to do it but I am afraid that might make him do it more. I am trying to just ignore it but fear he might not stop and will always use this method of “coping”. I asked a couple friends if their children did this and they said yes. But I’m not sure its to the same extent of my son. What should I do? I really don’t want him to be self destructive. Please help!"

First rule of Toddler Fight Club: There is no Toddler Fight Club.

Sorry--couldn't resist.

Seriously, though, I hate this stage. It's as annoying as any other, and scarier than most. I mean, why, why is your/my/her kid punching himself?? It just doesn't seem normal. And yet it is, apparently, because so many kids do it. Both of mine went through a form of it at around that age, and my office-mate's daughter is just starting to come out of a phase of slapping herself (she's 2).

I suspect that it's yet another manifestation of the fact that kids that age can't express their feelings as well as they want to, and don't really know how to process them. So the punching or slapping is just another way they release the tension/excitement/anger/frustration/joy because they don't know what else to do with it. It's like their bodies need to get out that emotion and energy, so the bodies make the limbs do things that don't make sense to adults.

I don't think there's any cure for it (other than taping your kid's hands to his sides with duck tape), but I'd suspect that kids who can communicate better (either because they're early talkers or because their parents teach them sign language) and who are super-active (to release the physical energy) do this less. and that some kids just don't do anything like this at all because they just don't.

Can I get some data points on that?

(And if you're interested in teaching your kid sign language, I've heard rave, RAVE reviews about the Signing Time DVDs, or you can use the excellent and free ASL browser from Michigan State University.)

Comments

[strugi]

We are big fans of the signing time DVDs too. My son loves them and my husband and I enjoy them. He is 17 months and he is learning some of the signs (based on the signs he has learned, animals are his favorite things!)

But...he beats his head with his fists and against the floor. (Not alot, but often enough)

Actually, this whole almost 18 month thing is driving me a little crazy. He has become Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Toddler.

[midlife mommy]

The Signing Times DVDs are wonderful. They allowed us to communicate with our daughter much sooner than we otherwise would have, making it less frustrating for everyone.

My daughter doesn't have behavior like this, but my little brother did. He used to bang his head against the headboard of his bed. It used to drive my mother crazy, until one day, she just ignored him. He kept it up for what seemed like forever. Then, he came out of the bedroom, touched his forehead, and said "look mommy, blood." My mother looked at him and said "that's what happens when you bang your head on the headboard." I honestly don't remember him ever doing it again.

[luolin]

I was so glad to see Lisa M's comment, because my son is only 13 months and often hits his head and pulls his hair when I am nursing him down. I was starting to get worried. He has done this for a while, but I don't remember exactly when it started.

[Jennifer]

My son, 28 mos (just over 2), likes to hit himself on the head. He actually laughs when he does it. I find it infuriating. I think he has been continuing to do it BECAUSE he sees that I react to it. I'm going to try to ignore the behavior for the next week and see what happens. Obviously if he were bothered by it, I don't think he would do it OR he wouldn't be laughing at least. For what it's worth, he is VERY active and spunky - just to provide a data point against the idea that more physical activity would lessen the behavior.

[kt]

In recent months this has stopped, because the other boy isn't at day care a lot - but my son (two months short of 3) and his friend (a few months older than him in class) had a "bumping game" going on in class, which really got going about 5 or so months ago... and seems to be tapering off. They hit heads. At first when they hit heads and yelled "ouch" it was a little disturbing. After I'm sure some teacher encouragement they changed it to "bump" - at least then you knew no one was hurt for sure. This also began the endless enthusiastic games of crashing.

Don't know what it's all about, but as games go it seems sort of weird (well, except now I'm picturing sports celebrations, maybe not s much :P... maybe it started longer ago then I remember and came out of football season...)

Not exactly the same thing, but thought I'd throw it out there.

[Michelle]

My daughter is 17 months old and slapping herself a lot. I hate it. People laugh when she does it, too, so it makes it worse because she gets positive reinforcement for it. We, her parents, either ignore it or ask her not to hit herself.

She was an early talker AND we do sign language, however, never did sign language for angry. We only did ones that helped me out (milk, diaper, all done, more, drink, eat) but now I think teaching her this sign might be a good idea. I'm soo, sooooo thankful to know it's just not my kid being weird.

[coach sale]

Take breaks throughout the day. It will help clear your mind and relieve pressure. Something as simple as going to the water cooler for a drink may do the trick.To help your workday go smoothly, try pacing your activities.

[coach purses]

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[air jordans]

I hope you all have a blessed day